Product of Its Time

 

So yeah I watched another Digital Premiere of a Restored Filipino film earlier tonight! And just like time, it's a movie before I was born Tinimbang Ang Langit in 1982. This is a more commercial movie, so think of Viva/Regal movies of this era. It's light drama about romance and music. To be honest, I wasn't really captivated  by the story but I enjoyed it because I love seeing how contemporary 1982 looked like in clear resolution! The use of phones, the dialogue and I was also fascinated by how some aspects felt like it hasn't changed today. There was one though that clearly wouldn't fly today! There was a song featured here with a title "Try a Little Suicide" and to be fair the song is not really advocating suicide but it's a metaphor about taking a risk. The song is actually good but with that title, nope! It's not just about being politically correct but also sensitivity. But can't blame the songwriter and the movie though because back then it was just different context. That's what I love about seeing movies likes this set in the past, you'll have learnings along the way. 

Peaceful Trip

 Today I found out my original shuttle ride driver Kuya Rems passed away. I knew he was sick that's why he stopped his shuttle services but I didn't expect he will leave us soon. Life is so fragile. Rest in Peace Kuya Rems, thank you for safely driving us your passengers for all these years. I will never forget you.

LDR

 My brother went to our province Bohol today to be with his wife as they haven't seen in each other in over a year due to the pandemic. Currently, he is in quarantine in the LGU where they live in Bohol. After that he will stay there for a few more weeks before going back here because of his work. But I do think eventually my brother will reside in Bohol for good to be with his wife because I don't think my sister in law will leave there as honestly she has the more stable job right now while my brother's company is not in good shape. Plus they should be together raising their own family together. I really hope they'll have their own kid soon because my brother will definitely be a good father as he is a caring brother, son , husband and friend. I want to have another nephew or niece too! I'm glad though their year apart together is over now because love is hard to maintain when you are not together physically. 

Mercedes!

 Our company did the dubbing for this and I'm part of the team working on this as the Quality Checker. One thing I can say for sure is that iba talaga charisma ni Thalia. Whille previewing the episodes, I can't but for her charms here. Anyway, this is a good project for the company and glad to be part of it!

Red Lights, Stop Signs

 The current #1 on various international charts and I'm loving this song. The bridge is my favorite, there's just something that's captivating from it. I know there's Gen Z love triangle behind this song which probably helped this song gain buzz but the song is simply good that it wasn't just a one week wonder. It shows how music can be an effective storyteller.  I heard this song on the radio for the first time this week and it's sound so good there. Anyway, here's Olivia Rodrigo's first live TV performance of this song and she did really great, amazing vocals. She has so much potential at 17.

Unfulfilled

. Am I just tired? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? I don't for know sure what the answer is. I just feel... empty. I wish I could achieve some I can be so proud of anytime soon. I'm probably in one of the lowest points of my life. Work keeps my mind busy where I do a lot of things right now. But the problem is the time I spent commuting because there's a lull and listening to music or podcast does not do the trick anymore. In that amount of time, I ponder on a lot of things and go to unpleasant phases. It's a recurring feeling I've pre-pandemic and now it's even harder because the pandemic just things so much complicated. I worry about the future. I feel so tense about the present. I feel so much regrets about the past. Horrible. Just plain horrible.

Microcosm

 So on tonight's PBB episode, this guy housemate started to act coldly to a girl housemate because he does not feel comfortable with the housemates teasing them. That I could understand but he went on and said a very problematic statement where he dissed the girl's looks. Later on the two had the chance to talk but I honestly didn't feel that he truly understood what's problematic with his behavior and instead made it about himself in the end. What I saw triggered me because I felt like there are lot of people like him out there who don't have awareness on what's wrong with their behavior and mindset. And that's dangerous. On a grander level, we are in this quite messy situation because many people behave like that.  PBB in general is a fluffy reality show but a moment like that is what draws me into the show 15 years in. Once in awhile, there's an incident that would really make me things on a deeper level. 

Familiar

 One of my longtime and closest co-worker went back to the office today after working from home for half a year. She's back working at the office fulltime now because thankfully we have a lot of projects now and she's needed to be in the office due to logistics of the project. We had a good catching up earlier too because we haven't seen each other in months! My video editor also dropped by today. He also works remotely because he went back home in Tarlac when the lockdown began . He is in NCR this week due to processing of her documents abroad (where his mother petitioned him) and decided to go to the office today to work. It's good to see him again and be able to instruct him in person in some of the tasks that was honestly hard to work out online. It's still different when you get to see the people you work with in person. Today is still far from normal but familiar, I'll take it. 

Lousy

 I feel off again today. It's a combination of frustrations on so many things in my life right now. Plus, the never ending despair I feel for the country. Earlier, I saw this news feature of struggling small time businesses in Cebu and one vendor said that she cries everyday with the low sales and my heart broke.  And then another news feature mentioned a statement from a WHO official saying that life won't truly return to normal until after 2 years. Oh my God. 

Cool

 I love the weather today! The perfect weather to slack off but I didn't because I did some work from home stuff where one stressed me a little because I got frustrated over something that's so preventable but keeps on happening despite many attempts to correct it. It's not exactly my fault but I feel it is because of my  attitude of being too nice where stricter discipline was needed. But the thing is if I can avoid stressful stuff, I would take that road first but clearly it's not the best option for this situation. Good thing that the other work task I had was more relaxing because I did a preview and quality check of a dubbing project. Anyway, back to the weather, I hope it stays for a few more days or weeks! Living in this constantly stressful world of health hazards and political insanity, a cool weather gives a temporary retrieve from all the anxiety!

Pancit and a Bucket of Joy

 Yesterday was stressful. I had multiple things to accomplish at work that had complications because my video editor is work from home and it's extra hard to manage that particular task remotely! Then of course I learned about my sibling's not so good medical test results that really made me worry although admittedly I went a little overboard with it and immediately thought of the worst case scenario. It was really more a reminder to take care of one's health and precautions. In hindsight, it's good that particular finding was detected earlier on to prevent a bigger issue. Anyway, we were more relax today because stressing out is also hazardous so one needs to be calm and to stay relaxed. It's more harmful to think of negative things immediately. The medical concern is something we can all survive like we did in the past. 

I treated my family after receiving my 13th month this week but it was just a simple pancit bihon and Chicken Joy bucket but everybody appreciated it. Thank you Lord that despite these hard times, I still to get to receive a blessing. Please continue to guide my famly and keep us away from any form of harm.

Worry

  So found out a sibling has a medical concern right now. She needs more tests and check-up with a specialist but still, it's worrying me a lot right but as I was talking to her earlier, I was trying to boost her morale that it won't be that alarming in the end but deep inside I'm very worried but the last thing she needs is another worrywart too so I need to hide that one. Oh dear Lord please protect my sister from any alarming illness, please let it be a minor thing that can be resolved through medicine and proper diet. I'm so scared but I need to be tougher. 

Soltero

 So I watched another  virtual premiere of a digitally restored Filipino film via KTX again today! This time it's a 1984 film called SOLTERO (bachelor). Admittedly, I've never heard of this film until it was announced that it will have a screening this week but the premise piqued my interest because it's about the life of a single Filipino man. It's sad that the director, screenwriter and lead actor (Jay Ilagan) are no longer with us. I would have wanted to hear their thoughts in hindsight. We did get to hear two actresses from the film - Rio Locsin and Chanda Romero as they talk about what if was ike when they shot this film and you could clearly feel this was a special one as they tell their stories and insights with so much gusto.

Since I knew nothing about this film I didn't know what to expect but you know that's sometimes the thrill of the cinema, it takes you to places unfamiliar and experience a different kind of life. And this film is also such a time capsule of the mid 80s and glad to see a film capture an ordinary kind of life during that time before I was born with clear video! Anyway, this film is more of a character study with slice of life attack but it's never really boring. The bits and pieces that we knew about the life of Crispin (the lead) are full of subtle details that resonates. This film ultimately explores the loneliness one could feel where you are not that young anymore but not too old either. It perfectly encapsulates the emptiness one could feel. But what I like about is that in the end, there's hope that being a decent and loving person will still lead you a life worth living. 

You could stream SOLTERO and other digitally restored Pinoy classics over at KTX

Finally!

 So yeah today we finally received our 13th month pay, yes a month delayed but it doesn't matter, I'm grateful. Not gonna lie I was losing hope but I reminded myself that our boss didn't give his word for nothing. It took awhile but hey it's finally here. I already gave some of it to my parents because they deserve. My bonus this month is not that big compared to previous years for obvious reasons so I'm cautious with this and I'm not planning to spend that much. I am just thinking of getting my laptop monitor finally fixed though but we'll see I hope I could find a good deal for this, Thank you Lord for this blessing, it was worth the wait.

Cautiously Happy

 Looks like I received some good news today. "Looks like" because I'm a paranoid person and I'm trying to manage my expectations because what if it won't push through again and I get heartbroken again. I need to see it fully realized first! So I'm holding off any plans for now but can't deny I'm getting a little giddy too because I've been waiting for it. Hopefully, nothing will stop this now from happening. 

Shift

 I watched Ang Probinsyano earlier tonight on YouTube and the episode reached 102K live viewers. That's a major milestone for local TV livestreaming on YouTube. When ABS CBN started livestreaming their shows on YouTube, Probinsyano started above 20K live viewers and eventually to regular 50K viewers. It was a big episode with a death of major character so no wonder viewers sought it out but it made me wonder if there's a good chunk of viewers that are comfortable watching TV shows online now especially with the rise of Smart TV usage among the middle class. It's an interesting shift to witness. 

Endless

The last week of January is upon us and time flies and yet everything feels so long. Everything is just so up in the air. This pandemic. This political atmosphere. I can't feel an end soon. It's a long tunnel of frustration. Endure and survive each day the best way we can. Each day poses a new challenge. I wanna treasure each moment but can't help but feel so much time has been wasted. How can we reclaim the lost years of our lives? 

Sting

 More than ever I'm feeling the economic aftermath of this pandemic. While there were still some financial disappointments but I'm so happy to still have a job and the company is still afloat. A big hotel in Makati will close down next week. A car manufacturing factory located in Laguna will close too. The prices of basic goods are skyrocketing. One sibling got laid off and my two other siblings while still employed, their companies are struggling too and there's so much uncertainty. I have a lot of fear and whenever I see so much arrogance from public officials I just feel so hopeless. 

Overcome

 I'm thinking of making a move that could help alleviate one of my problems right now. The thing is I'm afraid to do so out of fear of rejection. But I really need to something, to step it up. Diskarte. I lack that but it should change if I ever want to have a shot to improve my current status. Terribly afraid of failure. I need to overcome that

Climb

Today was US President Joe Biden's and VP Kamala Harris' inauguration and it was a pleasant event. Such a relief to have someone in a powerful position to be an agent of common decency. No arrogance. No antagonistic tone. The scene stealer though is this young poet's recitation or her piece "The Hill We Climb". Her name is Amanda Gorman and she blew me away! Powerful words and the rights one we need to hear in these trying times. Here's the clip and transcript

Mr. President, Dr. Biden, Madam Vice President, Mr. Emhoff, Americans and the world:

When day comes we ask ourselves, where can we find light in this never-ending shade? The loss we carry, a sea we must wade. We’ve braved the belly of the beast. We’ve learned that quiet isn’t always peace. In the norms and notions of what just is isn’t always justice.

And yet, the dawn is ours before we knew it. Somehow, we do it. Somehow, we’ve weathered and witnessed a nation that isn’t broken, but simply unfinished. We, the successors of a country and a time where a skinny Black girl descended from slaves and raised by a single mother can dream of becoming president, only to find herself reciting for one.

And yes, we are far from polished, far from pristine, but that doesn’t mean we are striving to form a union that is perfect. We are striving to forge our union with purpose, to compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and conditions of man.

And so, we lift our gazes not to what stands between us, but what stands before us. We close the divide because we know, to put our future first, we must first put our differences aside. We lay down our arms so we can reach out our arms to one another. We seek harm to none and harmony for all. Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true. That even as we grieved, we grew. That even as we hurt, we hoped; that even as we tired, we tried; that we’ll forever be tied together, victorious. Not because we will never again know defeat, but because we will never again sow division.

Scripture tells us to envision that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree, and no one shall make them afraid. If we’re to live up to our own time, then victory won’t lie in the blade, but in all the bridges we’ve made. That is the promise to glade, the hill we climb if only we dare it. Because being American is more than a pride we inherit; it’s the past we step into and how we repair it. We’ve seen a forest that would shatter our nation rather than share it, would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy. And this effort very nearly succeeded.

But while democracy can be periodically delayed, it can never be permanently defeated. In this truth, in this faith we trust, for while we have our eyes on the future, history has its eyes on us. This is the era of just redemption. We feared it at its inception. We did not feel prepared to be the heirs of such a terrifying hour, but within it, we found the power to author a new chapter, to offer hope and laughter to ourselves.

So, while once we asked: “How could we possibly prevail over catastrophe?” Now we assert, “How could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?”

We will not march back to what was, but move to what shall be: a country that is bruised, but whole; benevolent, but bold; fierce and free. We will not be turned around or interrupted by intimidation, because we know our inaction and inertia will be the inheritance of the next generation. Our blunders become their burdens. But one thing is certain, if we merge mercy with might, and might with right, then love becomes our legacy, and change our children’s birthright.

So, let us leave behind a country better than one we were left. With every breath from my bronze-pounded chest, we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one. We will rise from the gold-limned hills of the West. We will rise from the wind-swept Northeast where our forefathers first realized revolution. We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the Midwestern states. We will rise from the sun-baked South. We will rebuild, reconcile and recover in every known nook of our nation, in every corner called our country our people diverse and beautiful will emerge battered and beautiful.

When day comes, we step out of the shade aflame and unafraid. The new dawn blooms as we free it. For there is always light. If only we’re brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it.

— Amanda Gorman’s “The Hill We Climb,” as recited at the inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris

Deflated

 * Today I thought one thing I've been waiting for will finally happen but nope it still ain't happening /

* While not as awful as last week, I still feel some tooth ache from time to time

* One thing that I thought was over came back again awhile to give me some stress.

* I had a chat with my carpool mate earlier, a nice elderly man who continues to work just because he still can and wants to be useful. Of course because of my age, he asked if I had my own family and I said no because I'm devoted to looking after my parents which made me think again of how I wish I could so much more for my parents financially speaking. I feel inadequate.

*I feel so hopeless if things can ever go back to what it used to be.

Plot Twist Please

 I'm so tired of everything that is happening in this country. I'm tired of so much arrogance, so much shady decisions, so much trolling, so much obnoxiousness. I'm tired of those who continue to believe that this person is doing the right thing, that we are being led to the right direction. There's so much blatant disregard of what is proper and sensible right now. I cringe when people find the statements made as funny. Nothing is hilarious anymore. We are "entertained" way too much. I'm so upset to live in this moment where I feel like we can't get a win. Everything feels hopeless. Everything that could go wrong is happening. I'm so frustrated. I'm so afraid of what the future beholds. 

It Continues

 Last week I saw two small private schools here that have FOR LEASE signs on their now former buildings. It was such a sad sight to see. I never expected that I will see so many schools closing.  I thought I've adjusted with this life we have right now but I can't shake off this feeling of uneasiness whenever I'm reminded of how much lives have changed.

And then you see the grave mishandling of the potential solution to end this ordeal. I'm so frustrated!

2M

 Over 2 million people have died because of COVID19 and this pandemic has no signs of slowing down anytime soon. The effect of this pandemic still lingers.  The vaccination program in the country is one big mess. Frustrating. It makes my blood boil. Are we really this hopeless? I don't know if I can be enthusiastic about the future. I can't feel any source of inspiration right now. 

Bleak

 I'm in a foul mood today. There are just instances in my life where I feel it's so unfair but I have no control over it. And honestly root source is money. I absolutely hate it. Again, I know people have it worst but it does not invalidate my current struggles right now. So many frustrations but I'm trapped, so few options left. So many what ifs. 

Then you see the news, it's just so frustrating how the attitude of the people are. Harap harapan na tayong ginago pero where's the outrage? Ok na lang talaga na ganito na lang? Exhausting and tiring, I want to escape from it all

Sagip Pelikula Film Festival

 I'm still on a high from last night's remastered Radio Romance digital premiere which by the way you can watch here: https://www.ktx.ph/category/radio-romance

There are other restored films that's screening over KTX too for the Sagip Pelikula Film Festival and I plan to watch more! This is the type of endeavor I really want to support because these films are classics and the opportunity to watch them in full glory is a treat! I hope more people will check it out because these films deserve to been by a new generation!

Photographs of the Past

 So I watched the digital premiere of the remastered 1996 movie Radio Romance via the platform KTX. I've seen this before when I was a kid but to be honestly I don't remember that much anymore and I was in the mood for a nostalgia trip to a much simpler time. Before the movie, there was a talk from the writer-director Jose Javier Reyes and it was  a delight to listen and I especially like the end where he discussed why restoring old movies is so important because they are the photographs of the past, it's a peak where we have started and how tradition is important to have direction in the future. Such wise words. Anyway, the movie was a treat, it's like Love Actually of course this one came first! So many stories of love and generally light to watch. I definitely enjoyed seeing the sign of those times. I giggled when Rico Yan's character boasted to Claudine's character that his PC has 1 gig memory! It was also fascinating to be reminded how back then cellphones weren't mainstream and when people meet up, it really is just word of honor! And course when parents worry when their kids got home late, they have no means to contact where they are aside from calling the landlines of their kid's friend's houses! And course the radio booth set up and the displays of the different kinds of radios and components at that time. So nostalgic!

You can watch the restored Radio Romance this week on KTX

https://www.ktx.ph/category/radio-romance

Throbbing

So yeah my toothache is still here and it's quite a hassle! Anyway, thank you Ponstan for making it bearable at least. To be honest, I don't go the dentist regularly, no one in our house does. I never had "official" tooth extraction and just let it fall off naturally. I did had tooth filling once and several cleanings. I know it's not late to do better with my dental health though so yeah I better make sure to get this done immediately. Going to the dentist is a little complicated with COVID around though

Ache

 I have a toothache tonight, first time in awhile. I already took  pain reliever but there are still few pinches of pain every now and then. I really hate this feeling because it's so inconvenient and quite bothersome. Hopefully, tomorrow I will feel better because I have many things to do at work!

Ignited

A few minutes ago I saw a window to a chance to fulfill a dream. But of course I just peeked and fantasized of what could have been. I think that little fire in me will always keep burning. I wish I was in the position to take a risk and finally take that chance. Heck, before I saw that I was dealing with something that's keeping me from going anywhere near that window. And  I will be honest, all I have  is just the desire but I have no skills and confidence to make it happen. It does feel good to dream again like I was a young person beaming with potential. It's too late now. 

Snippets 10

 My nephew finally had his haircut today, first time since March! My sister was just trimming his hair for the past few month but it was just too long and looks untidy. He looks very pleasant and actually younger like he's 10 again!

***

 My sister also had a check up because of a hip pain she's experiencing since last week when she lifted something in their room the wrong way. Her husband got worried because he is just like us we worry about these things and immediately thinks of the bad case scenario. Thankfully, it wasn't the case and she just needs some medication and also avoid lifting things because she just had muscle strain. 

***

I initially thought of doing some advanced work task today but got lazy because it's a Sunday, I deserve a break. But it made me think maybe that's why I'm stagnant because I don't push myself beyond what's needed? Maybe I need to exert more effort. 

"Heartbreak"

 I realized this week that I'm not over a "heartbreak". It's in quotations because it's not the heartbreak normal people have. It's a different kind of heartbreak over something I've always cared about but never thought I was this passionate until it was gone. Hopefully just temporary. This matter had an abrupt end and under questionable circumstances. Months have passed and yet I still feel sad with what happened. I feel incomplete. I try to move on but I just can't because what happened is unfair and there was a lot of nastiness involved. I truly hope one day it will get the vindication it deserves. 

More

I was busy all day juggling work task and family errands. I like being productive though because my mind is preoccupied and I don't dwell on unpleasant thoughts. This week I had a lot of those and it didn't help I had a horrible dream earlier. Maybe it was the manifestation of my worries. Tonight, I had a lull time and those thoughts haunted me again. I can't seem to relax. I feel so frustrated to a lot of things but I need to be a tougher person because I'm really finding myself  to be the center of a lot of pressure more and more each day. 

Seven days

 Yeah the streak of mind-blowing terrible things happening continues to the new year. So much bad news already in the first seven days of 2021. In the news dominating social media is the mysterious death of a flight attendant and annoyingly it had been used by politicians, police and resulted to slut shaming, outing gay people and a lot of homophobic and sexist remarks. It's such a sloppy investigation. So frustrating

And today there was chaos in America when supporters of the outgoing president attacked the Capitol in protest. Crazy day. Never though I would witness such horrible things in my lifetime. 

Setback

 My brother told us that he got laid off today and next week is his last week of employment. What a downer to open 2021 but a lot of companies are struggling these days. He has savings and still single so no immediate financial concern but still it sucks. He's planning to be a rider for logistics apps as he feels like he does not want to be tied up to a company anymore and there could be more financial success in this industry. He's not as techie savvy though so it could be a struggle for awhile but at least he has a plan and determined to rise from this one. 

Busy!

So I really had very busy day today at work. It felt like normal times you know which I'm glad. Anyway, My plate was full today and did multiple things at once that I accidently posted an instruction to my work from home video editor to a group chat of the dubbing project where I am the Quality Checker and there I was about to remind my editor why he hasn't sent the revisions yet haha! Apart from that I did my usual program grid tasks and coordinating the transfer of project files from a client to our uplink facility, I had to keep track of the numerous revised videos the client sent and made revisions to the grids accordingly! And apart from that I was also busy doing stuff because the channel  I supervise is now airing on Cignal Satelitte TV and there were marketing collaterals they were requesting. Good thing our graphic designer is not loaded with other taks so i was able to ask for help / Myvideo editor was quite efficient as well, it was such a new normal thing when I was checking the videos before he rendered it online! Apart from that, I also had to drop off some documents at my father's old office and I had to walk 20 minutes from my office and then another 20 minutes from my father's former workplace to the shuttle's terminal. I do like walking even if getting sweaty annoyed me! Still, I would rather walk than pay over 100 pesos for taxi! Money ain't easy these days!

Anyway, TeleNovela Channel Philippines is now available on CIGNAL Postpaid Plan 290 & up and Prepaid Load 200 & up. Watch us at Channel 126! This channel is turning 10 this year and I've been handling this project for nearly 8 years too! This is a small niche channel and I never thought it would last this long and I'm proud.  I really worked hard to keep this channel afloat despite very limited resources.  

 

Fingers Crossed!

My first working day for 2021! I normally work from home on Mondays but I made an exception today because I want to start the year right! So there's some good news on my work tasks as things have progressed for the project's sustainability hence my employment is secured and that's always good to hear. 

The big boss is already here as well and hopefully, there's some good news that awaits us.  I'm trying to manage my expectations by being cautiously hopeful. 

Grey

 Tonight was PBB Connect's second eviction night and the one that was voted out was a guy who got outed as someone who tweeted that he was in favor of ABS-CBN shutdown. He admitted it voluntarily in the house and for me he did look genuinely remorseful of what he did. He's also 19, probably too young to fully understand the issue. When he got evicted, I did feel sad because he knew it was coming because of his tweet and I felt the sincerity when he apologized. However, it's good that he got evicted. Host Robi said it perfectly that you can forgive but not forget and if he was saved it would be like an insult too the people working or got retrenched as well. But his case just made me think about the people I know in real life who were also like him who was in favor of the shutdown. Aside from that problematic political devotion, they are generally good people so it's really hard to permanently delete them from your life. I also think maybe they just don't really understand the deeper implications of the situation too. In a time like this of  aggressive and antagonistic political stance, a calm and sensible discourse is overshadowed by the louder voices. It's so frustrating and alarming and how I wish I am eloquent enough to convince people to examine their views. 

Streak Ends

 For the first time since 1997 I didn't listen to the radio year end charts on New Year's Eve. I've talked about ending this tradition I've had since I was 10 years old before but it was a hard habit to break but this time I just didn't have the enthusiasm anymore, I didn't get excited like I used to. I did try to listen to one but I didn't last because it's just not connecting to me anymore. I still did check out the results posted on social media and PEx eventually but I didn't have the interest to listen live on radio and anticipate as each song is revealed one by one. Maybe it's just me growing out of this hobby or maybe a part of how last year zapped the energy out of me. I thought I will be sad that I ended a long tradition but I didn't. It just felt like a natural end.

Day 1

 A very cold day on the first year of 2021. I had multiple naps in between meals today! I consumed a lot of  food today which was not good I know. I love the weather though because it is relaxing this is the weather I wanted to feel last month! Anyway, this cool weather stays for awhile. I'm cautiously hopeful for this year. I acknowledged the challenges are far from over and there are still a lot of things that is frustrating me a lot but I need to keep hope alive. 

Bye 2020

It goes without saying how terrible this year have been, biggest of it all is the loss of two uncles one month apart. So many challenges brought upon by the pandemic. A lot of frustration with the current political climate. In a year where you just can't shake hands anymore or breathe freely without a mask on, there's a new found appreciation on simple things that we take for granted before. I wish I can say I'm leaving 2020 with less anxiety but I don't want to fool myself because it isn't the case. There's a lot of matters I worry these days but one thing my favorite movie of the year (Soul) taught me is that to obsess less and appreciate more. I'm not saying we should be in denial of pressing problems but just don't let the bad energy consume you. 

May you all have a safe last day of the year and a hopeful new year ahead.

My 10 Favorite Comedy TV Episodes of 2020

 Here is my annual rundown of my favorite episodes of the sitcoms/comedy programs I watched this year. Like in previous years for variety purposes I just chose one episode per show. Check out my top 10 lists over the years: ,2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013,2012

1. One Day at a Time Season 4 Episode 3 "Boundaries"

- The show did the impossible when it got picked for a Season 4 after Netflix cancelled. Unfortunately, due the pandemic production for the fourth season was cut short to just 6 episodes and one animated special and ultimately the show got cancelled again. Those 6 episodes were precious though and had decent de-facto series finale. The third episode where Penelope got caught masturbating by her son and her mother Lydia was petrified. This is a hilarious episode and Rita Moreno's meltdown is so unforgettable. I'm sad the show has ended for good but grateful for these extra episodes we have gotten.

2. The Good Place Season 4 Episode 13/14 "Whenever You're Ready"

The two-part series finale of this wonderful show was so lovely. I'm glad they had that extra runtime to give everyone a closure! Best scene probably the heart to heart between Chidi and Leonor. The quote above waves was so beautifully written. The fun is in the mystery and not knowing what's gonna happen exactly. 

3. Superstore  Season 6 Episode 3 "Floor Supervisor"

This show faced the challenge of doing an episode about the pandemic and losing its lead character at the same time while the episodes tackling both were top notch, the third episode was for me the highlight as we see saw the show work out being set in a pandemic but not overwhelmed by it and how it maximized its ensemble so you won't miss there's lacking with Amy gone. Sadly, it was recently announced that this season is the final one! I will savor the final episodes next year!

4. The Conners Season 2 Episode 12 "Live from Lanford"

I'm a sucker for live episodes and this show pulled it off to great lengths. This episode had the extra challenge of inserting live news coverage about the democratic primaries and it was impressive how they did it so well and main props to young actors Ames McNamarra because he was the one tasked to do the live commentary of the episode as it happens 

5. What We Do In The Shadows Season 2 Episode 5 "Colin's Promotion"

This is my new discovery this year thanks to its Emmy nominations! What a gem! This dark comedy isn't really that dark unlike other cable / streaming comedies that goes too dark that it loses the humor, this one is flat out hilarious! My favorite episode is all about my favorite character Colin,an energy vampire that does not suck blood but life energy by boring his victims out! 

6.  Bob's Burgers Season 11 Episode 2 "Worms of In-Rear-ment"

Since animated shows produce episodes way in advance, it was such a coincidence that they had an episode about a mini epidemic of pinworms within the Belcher family. This was such a hilarious episode that still makes me laugh just thinking about it.

7. Mom Season 8 Episode 5 "Sober Wizard and a Woodshop Workshop"

Another show that lost its lead character with Ana Farris leaving the show this season. All the episodes without Christy didn't feel that much different and this episode was such a good showcase of the cast and it was made special by an appearance of Alvin, Bonnie's ex and Christy's dad who died several seasons ago, via a dream sequence. The rapport was still there and was also quite sweet and showed how much the character of Bonnie have grown. 

8. Modern Family Season 11 Episode 11 "Legacy"

This modern classic ended this year but while I greatly enjoyed the two-part finale episode, the 11th episode was for me the final's season highlight because this was the final appearance of Phil's dad  Franck where they spent one last great day together and then later on it was revealed that Frank passed away. The actor, Fred Willard, passed away 4 months after the episode aired. 

9. American Housewife Season 5 Episode 3 "Coupling"

This sitcom is quite underrated because it's so funny thanks to a great cast and fantastic joke writing. They also do edgy for broadcast family comedy jokes! This episode in particular made me laugh out loud on how the parents reacted when they found their college aged daughter and her boyfriend slept overnight at their house! The way they handled it was so unexpected but so hilarious!

10. Central Park Season 1 "Episode One"

I  watched this because it's from the makers of  Bob's Burgers and I was not disappointed. The best thing about the show are the musical numbers! The songs are really phenomenal! The Bob's Burgers songs are funny and all but this one they really took it to another level This one from their pilot grabbed me instantly. A great mix of witty creative lyrics and fantastic musicality and this episode featured the fantastic number and song OWN IT. 

My 5 Favorite Movies of 2020

Yeah because of the pandemic I've watched very few new films so I didn't have that much to choose from so I'll just pick five that left an impact to me this year.

5. Palm Springs

- A nice and enjoyable romcom with a time loop concept. Cristin Millioti is such a delightful actress and glad to see her around after her star turn on How I Met Your Mother

4. Onward

- May not be a top tier Pixar but still a pretty good movie with a strong message. This lovely tale about two brothers showed sometimes what we've been wanting for us was already there right in front of us but we ignored because an obsession to an idea could often blind us of what is already there. 

3. Four Sisters Before The Wedding

- The prequel to the modern classic Four Sisters and a Wedding had a tough act to follow and I'm happy to say they did a good job that serves as a nice companion to the original. The storylines were all connected seamlessly with each sister getting a fair share of spotlight. The car park confrontation scene is a riveting moment. 

2. Fan Girl

- A sensational film that dig deeps into fanaticism and how it tends to enable problematic behavior because of blind obsession. And this isn't just about showbiz fanaticism too! Charlie Dizon delivered a fantastic performance and the biggest reason why this film was so good and captivating

1. Soul

- A mediation on mortality where it gives you not just the emotional moment but thought provoking ideas on you live your life. I feel like this such a perfect movie to capture the spirit of 2020. Yes there is the loneliness and anxiety we were all been captured by this year but there is also the new found appreciation on matters that we take for granted before. One of the key moments of this movie is when a character "lived" a life through the basic senses - sight, taste, touch. It left me speechless because how often do we ignore these basic senses right? Now in this year where you just can't touch some person easily or breathe freely without a mask on, we totally realized how those basic stuff means so much more. A  movie that makes you realize about this matter is truly special.

Favorites from the past years:

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015
2014
2013
2012
2011

Justified?!

So the issue of unregistered vaccines in the country to give some 'chosen ones' is so stressful because the reach some people are giving to justify the action done is so unbelievable. Harap harapan na tayo ginaganito. There is an admission from certain units that the vaccines given were not registered to the proper authorities and yet being given excuses and requests to not make this a big deal? WHY? For the months we followed every single health protocol in this pandemic, if a simple mask wearing needs to be complied so how come this chaotic and shady unregistered vaccine administration should not be given a big deal? It's so hard to be hopeful in 2021. I feel so hopeless. 

My Hot 100 for 2020

My favorite songs for 2020

1. Blinding Lights - The Weeknd

2. Lifetime - Ben & Ben

3. exile - Taylor Swift feat Bon Iver

4. Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

5. Pag-Ibig ang Hihilom Sa Daigdig - Raizo Chabeldin, Biv De Vera

6. Paubaya - Moira Dela Torre

7. my ex's best friend - Machine Gun Kelly feat blackbear

8. Don't Start Now - Dua Lipa

9. Adore You - Harry Styles

10. If The World Was Ending - JP Saxe feat Julia Michaels

11. Supalonely - BENEE feat Gus Dapperton

12. The Bones - Marren Morris

13. Sa Susunod na Habang Buhay - Ben & Ben

14. Love Me Anyway - Pink feat Chris Stapleton 

15. Mean It - Lauv and LANY

16. Take What You Want - Post Malone feat Ozzy Osborne 

17. Masyadong Pang Maaga - Ben & Ben

18. Nakikinig Ka Ba Sa Akin - Ben & Ben

19. Tinig ng Mga Nawalan - Danile Padilla, Kathryn Bernardo and Mga Kapamilya Pilipino

20. Ikaw Ang Liwanag at Ligaya - Various Artists

21. Physical - Dua Lipa

22. Stuck With U - Ariana Grande & Justin Bieber

23. Beautiful Scars - Maximillian

24. forget me too - Machine Gun Kelly feat Halsey

25. Kapamilya Forever - Angelo Anilao  

26. Make it With You - Ben & Ben 

27. Say So - Doja Cat

28. cardigan - Taylor Swift

29. Catching Feelings - Inigo Pascual

30. Wondering - Olivia Rodrigo, Julia Lester

31. In Your Eyes - The Weeknd

32. Be Kind - Marshmello feat Halsey

33. Levitating (remix) - Dua Lipa feat DaBaby

34. Imahe - Magnus Haven

35. Di Ka Sayang - Ben & Ben  

36. Intentions - Justin Bieber feat Quavo

37. Ice Cream - BLACKPINK feat Selena Gomez

38. Araw Araw - Ben & Ben 

39. Lose Somebody - Kygo and One Republic

40. Dynamite - BTS

41. At My Worst - Pink Sweat$

42. Mood - 24kGoldn feat Iann Dior

43. Oh Yeah - Green Day

44. How You Like That - BLACKPINK

45. WAP - Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion 

46. South of the Border - Ed Sheeran feat Camilla Cabello and Cardi B 

47. Hindi Tayo Pwede - The Juans

48. Where I Belong - Simple Plan feat We The Kings 

49. TLC - Kyla and Kikx

50. Therefore I Am - Billie Eillish 

51. So Much Better - Evan Olsen

52.  Cuz I Love You - Lizzo

53. Wonder - Shawn Mendes 

54. Banana - Conkarah feat Shaggy 

55. positions - Ariana Grande

56. Godzilla - Eminem feat Juice WRLD

57. MAMACITA - Black Eyed Peas

58. the 1 - Taylor Swift 

59. Rain on Me - Lady Gaga feat Ariana Grande

60. The Box - Roddy Rich

61. Future Nostalgia - Dua Lipa

62. MABUTI - Black Eyed Peas

63.  Say it Again - AJ Mitchell 

64. The Man - Taylor Swift

65. Kings & Queens - Ava Max

66. Que Calor - Major Lazer feat J Balvin and El Afa

67. death bed (Coffe on Your Head) - Powfu feat beadbadoobee  

68. Savage Love - Jason Derulo

69. Put a Little Love on Me - Niall Horan

70. Own It - Central Park Cast

71.  I Hope - Gabby Barrett 

72. My Oh My - Camilla Cabello feat Da Baby

73. Holy - Justin Bieber feast Chance the Rapper

74. Rare - Selena Gomez

75. Roxanne - Arizona Zervas

76. Break My Heart - Dua Lipa 

77. Do It While We Can - Central Park Cast

78. Not Losing You - Maddie Poppe 

79. Kahit Kunwari Man Lang - Agsunta feat Moira Dela Torre

80. Tattoos Together - Lauv

81. Put It All One Me - Ed Sheeran feat Ella Mai

82. Come & Go - Marshmello fet Juice Wrld

83. Bring It On Home - American Authors feat Maddie Poppe and Philipp Phillips 

84. Daises - Katy Perry

85. I Love Me - Demi Lovato

86. Perfectly Imperfect - Jayda and Jeremy G

87. Tick Tock - Clean Bandit, Mable, 24Goldn

88. Alab - SB19

89. Ang Sa Iyo Ay Akin - Aegis

90. Wrong Direction - Hailee Steinfeld 

91. Matches - Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys

92. Slide - H.E.R. feat YG

93. Fall On Me - A Great Big World feat Christna Aguilera 

94. evermore - Taylor Swift feat Bon Iver

95. Bawal Lumabas - Kim Chiu

96. Nice to Meet Ya - Meghan Trainor feat Nicki Minaj

97. Me & You Together Song - The 1975

98. Magandang Dilag - JM Bales

99. Be Like That - Kane Brown feat Swae Lee and Khalid

100.  (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - Cast of Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist 

***

My Hot 100 for 2019

My Hot 100 for 2018

My Hot 100 for 2017

My Hot 100 for 2016

My Hot 100 for 2015

My Hot 100 for 2014

 My Hot 100 for 2013

My Hot 100 for 2012 
My Hot 100 for 2011
My Hot 100 for 2010
My Hot 100 for 2009  
My Hot 100 for 2008
My Hot 100 for 2007

Snippets 9

I was supposed to go to the office today but without my carpool shuttle around again, I decided against it. I texted my manager that I won't be able to go the office but committed I will do my tasks from home and he said it was fine. It's just 2 working day anyway with national holidays on Wednesday to Friday. But in pre-pandemic times, I loved going to work in between Christmas and New Year because it's so relaxing with no heavy traffic around. And I have an office routine at the end of the year where I clean my desk and put on new desk calendars which I won't be able to do this year. A little sad but with everything that happened this year, it's a small issue now.

***

Still no news when we will get our delayed 13th month. It still makes me sad thinking about it and I admit that perhaps it's a reason I don't have that much drive to go the office lately. I hate to admit that  but gotta let it out.

***

A new year is coming and I should be doing my routine year end list but I don't have that much enthusiasm really but I do want to continue the tradition I have here on this blog so yeah I'll do it starting tomorrow

Soul Snippet

So I saw Soul recently and what can I say? Pixar did it again. Another masterful story that goes beyond kiddie entertainment. Soul is a meditation on mortality with a final act that took it to another level. Life affirming and heartwarming, Soul is a perfect film to cap off in this unforgettable year. Glad to had the chance to see in the big screen because it's such a beautiful movie!

Leaves so much to be desired

 So yeah there was, wait it is still ongoing, press conference by the government about the latest COVID19 developments like the new strain found in other countries specifically UK. There was another questionable moment really where the health secretary said a travel ban isn't necessarily unless there's local transmission in that country. Are we going to make the same mistake twice? Like haven't we learned really? We should be proactive and not reactive. Then there's the insistence of getting a vaccine with only 50% effectivity rate because it is the one easily available for us. Oh my goodness what a  "gift" a day after Christmas. 

A 2020 Christmas

There was an earthquake this morning! What a 2020 type of greeting this holiday! Admittedly, I didn't feel it because I was still asleep when it happened. Thank God, it was not as dangerous that it could have been.

In general it was a silent Christmas. No kids roaming around to ask for Pamasko house-to-house, no videoke even. We went out to visit my uncle's grave and there was no heavy traffic. After visiting his grave, we went home and stayed here all day. Nothing much happened really, people slept or were on their phones.. I was on my laptop and streamed FAN GIRL, a movie on this year's Digital MMFF and I liked it a lot with a strong central performance from Charlie Dizon. 

This day to be honest felt more ordinary than usual but it's okay as long as the family is complete and healthy. That's all that matters really.

This holiday season is, without a doubt, different but if there is one thing I've learned from all of this is that don't let what you don't or can't have blind you from appreciating what you currently have. Be grateful because it could have been worse. 

Merry Christmas!

Silent Night

When caroling was banned this year I thought I would like it. Hindi ako nangaroling noon and I'm not exactly a fan of it but this year I do miss hearing kids outside singing (or shouting) the same song over and over again and me saying patawad. It is so eerily quiet now. It's a strange Christmas but I did try my best today and put my anxieties at the backseat. I'm grateful my family is safe and away from harm despite such a challenging year.  Oh Dear Lord, may the future be brighter. 

Demotivated

 I honestly feel bad that I have less enthusiasm to do things today and not gonna deny it's because of recent events. I'm a mess. I understand why such things happened and yet I really can't help but feel so down. I'm still hoping for some last minute reprieve but it's clear it ain't happening. I'm putting myself in their shoes and I know it must be tough to deal with this and disappoint so many people. I'm still very thankful though I had no salary delay all these months of working from home and staggered days of working at the office. It makes me feel bad that the company is in this situation right now. I feel so uneasy. I wonder if ABS-CBN didn't lose their franchise and they were still in better financial shape, would our projects with them help our company get the funds to provide what we needed? I know for a fact when ABS-CBN became the company's client, it helped the company big time. Our bosses said that before. We recently got a new project with them thankfully but probably too late or not as big to help things out. I wonder if some of my officemates who were pro-shutdown even considered this that if our biggest client didn't get shutdown, it would benefit us as well? Probably not. 

Lousy Feeling

So we received a message from management apologizing for the delay of the 13th month pay and also explaining why it is the case. I understand it totally and I know they are committed to give it to us but the question is when. Tomorrow is the last banking day and I doubt we can make it in time. So for the first time ever, I won't have it before Christmas. It shouldn't be a big deal, right? My sensible side speaks to that but no matter how I try to contain this feeling, I'm just not successful. This unfortunate incident just opened a can of worms. Mostly financial. I really love this job and company, I won't be here for 11 years if I didn't but man it's really hard to not feel  like this. I got left behind. That's the truth. I wish I didn't feel this way. 33 and nowhere in life but stagnant. I know in a time of pandemic and little job opportunities I should be more grateful and I truly am. I just hate the feeling triggered by the delayed 13th month pay. If I were in better financial state, I wouldn't feel this way. But I'm not. I've lived in so much mediocrity for years now. I know it and I thought I've accepted it. But yeah it clearly wasn't the case. 

We Need to Care

 So yeah another day in 2020, another tragedy enters mainstream consciousness. A policeman shot a middle aged mother and and his 25-year old in broad day light in front of his daughter. There was an argument between  the mother and the the policeman's daughter due to disturbance created by a homemade firework. It's a small claims conflict that led to a big tragedy. The video of the shooting went viral and of course people are mad but of course unsurprisingly, there's still those who justify the appalling behavior of the policeman.  I wish I can say I can't believe it but no, this nation had been desensitized by crimes like this. This is what happens when aggressive behaviors are coddled.  I am afraid.

5 Days

 Christmas is near and at least the weather is cold now so at least something from the old normal is felt now. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude towards the holiday season because focus on the positive because it could have been worst, right? It's a different Christmas, the atmosphere is just so sad but hey I think after what we've been through this year the celebration of the holiday should be more meaningful. Yeah, I should keep that in mind and not let myself go down the rabbit hole of sadness. 

OK-ish

 After yesterday's disappointment, I felt  better today basically because I didn't think about it that much. If I don't dwell on those thoughts, then I don't have to feel bad about it again. Anyway, there's still next week and hopefully we can receive it as soon as possible. In a way, I feel bad for wanting to get this money so bad, I feel like I'm desperate for it with the way I reacted yesterday. Oh well. 

Disappointed

 So today we had an office Christmas lunch care of the admin and we really all thought this is the day that we get our 13th month but unfortunately due to unforeseen circumstances it was delayed to next week. Oh well. I totally understand the situation but I can't help but feel down today. I really should have not raised my hopes up and already planned in my head what I will buy. I'm quite ashamed to say this but I shed some tears on my way home. The traffic was bad. The rainy weather made me even more sad. Good thing it was dark inside the shuttle and I was alone in the fourth row so no one noticed I was having an emo moment. I keep reminding myself other people had it worst so I shouldn't act this way The admin committed we will get it next week and I believe them of course. However, I can't help myself because today really made me feel so lonely. I really hate this year. 

Soul

 SM announced today on  Facebook that Pixar's latest SOUL will be shown here in CINEMAS! Of course in MGCQ areas only. It will be shown here on Dec. 25 since Metro Manila Film Festival will go digital this year so the open cinemas needed to find something to screen on that day! I really hope I could watch it on the big screen since there's an open SM Cinema near me! I truly miss being immersed in the cinema. 

Good Sign

An officemate went around the office with a menu from a restaurant asking to pick what meal we like. Apparently, there will be a Christmas lunch here in the office from the administration. I think this will be in lieu of a Christmas party which is banned this year because of you know what. Hopefully, that will be the day we receive our 13th-month pay! Really looking forward to it especially this year. 

Forward

So I learned about some positive development in a major work responsibility I have. I was worried that this certain project was going to end soon due to economic reasons but glad to have confirmation that it won't be the case. I'm glad to be able to continue working on that project because hey it secures my employment first and foremost. There are some changes about it too which for now since quite messy because plans are not yet solid, there's just the general idea and I guess I have to figure things out along the way? It will be extra difficult with the current 'new normal' work setup but I'll manage. I will get stressed but I will find a way like I have always been the past few years in this job. This certain change will also push me to do something I've been mulling to do anyway! In such a tough year, I'm glad to have something to look forward to next year.

Down

 So Google was down awhile ago so all of the platforms it owns were down as well - Gmail, YouTube and  Blogger. Gmail is the one I used for both work and personal so it stressed me a bit although I had no pending email to receive and send but that's just my nature I guess, I just worry! Anyway, I thought my blogging streak of posting daily will end tonight but nope Google services are back just in time! Anyway, it is another hot day today. Summer weather in December, nothing could be more annoying! But this year has brought nothing but strange things really. 

There's a report today about COVID19 cases rising in Metro Manila for the past week, well not surprised given how complacent people have become. But honestly I understand because there's this lockdown fatigue already. However, the threat of this virus is still here. I sincerely hope next year we could see some recovery already. 

Snippets 8

 It's insanely hot today. It feels like we are back in the summer. Yeah one more thing to make this season less-Christmasy! Actually, the humid weather started last night. I do hope there's no big storm coming though because sometimes a weather like this is followed by a typhoon. Hopefully, not! 

***

Apparently, our barangay is now free of active cases which is good news but I feel like it made people more complacent? I saw a birthday party earlier with no social distancing whatsoever then there's a newly opened mini-mall here and lots of people went there! Social distancing in the line entering the mall was observed but still many people. It almost feel like everything's back to normal here, I wish I could be happy with this but I can't help but feel worried. Never be too complacent really.

***

I watched Four Sisters Before The Wedding on iWant TFC PPV. It's showing in a theater near me  and honestly I would have seen it there but the traffic is heavy in that area so not worth the stress! I liked the movie, it's so enjoyable and captured the original movie's essence. Good casting with the younger versions, I really liked Gillian Vicencio, she totally felt like she was a young Angel Locsin.

Whew!

The stuff I was worried about is something medical related to my mother and today felt like it was going the wrong way because her usual doctor  had to take the day off and we were scheduled today to have her laboratory results reading and follow up check up. My mother likes this doctor so much because he explains things thoroughly and has a pleasant appearance that relaxes her. He'll be back Monday but my mother decided to have her lab results still checked by the doctor who is present. We were the only people in the clinic but the doctor took about 20 minutes before he called us to the consultation room. I was worried during those 20 minutes thinking that he found something wrong in the lab results. I knew my mother felt nervous too. When we were finally called in, the doctor apologized that it took so long because he checked all my mother's records in the clinic since this is the first time he will be checking up on her. The lab results were good, nothing really alarming to worry. What a relief! My mother's mood definitely brightened for the rest of the day. 

 Everything just seems scarier than usual these days so glad at least this one concern didn't end up in another stressful situation

Thank you Lord!

Fidgety

 I'm feeling a little paranoid again about some personal stuff. Something pending that really should have been done a few days ago but I didn't push it because maybe I wanted more time to process or I dunno I was scared to know the results early on? But I really should have pushed on that day to get it over with it. I admit I was just scared to face an unfavorable outcome but what's the difference if the waiting game also made me anxious. Next time really I would face it head-on and just deal with the next steps right away.

Grapple

We are near the middle of December and I'm just not feeling it. I try my very best to not dive deep into what I'm feeling these days but there's always that reminder of how things are so different now. How lives have changed so much. I already had the trouble of not feeling the festive season the past few years so what more now in such a horrible year? Then the added sadness of losing a beloved loved one this year just makes it so much more painful really. I don't know what to say anymore. I still worry about a lot of things too. Recently, some of my pre-pandemic anxiety came back in a big way. I've forgotten about it because this year's unbelievable events distracted me from those lingering frustrations I've been having the past few years. Now it's back and coupled with this horrible situation we are in right now, it just makes things even harder to process. I'm just rambling here because hey I'm such a mess right now and I just needed to put to words what I feel and yet I can't find the right words. 

Ready

 My mother finally visited my departed uncle at the cemetery. She didn't go to the wake or the funeral because she said that she wanted to have her last memory of my uncle is when he is alive. I told my father to just let Nanay be and once she's ready, she'll be the one to ask to take her there and she did. Out of the blue she wanted to go to the cemetery to visit my uncle. Nanay is fond of Tito because when he first set foot in Manila, he lived with my parents and he was the one who assisted Nanay in taking care of my sibling who were young kids back then. They really had a close relationship. I remember when he first visited my uncle when he was bed ridden, she was really giving him words of encouragement but when we left the house Nanay said to me that Tito will not be able to survive it, I then said to her to don't lose hope. She said that it was painful to see Tito that powerless. A couple of weeks before he passed, Tito asked my cousin to tell Nanay to cook his favorite sinigang na isda and Nanay of course happily did so. Who knew it will be the last time he will be able to eat Nanay's dishes. Until the very last moment, I was still hoping for a miracle

I grew up with a strong image of Nanay, she's a tough one but the past few years I've been really seeing her vulnerable side. The way she handled her grief with Tito's death is a testament to that. I'm not used to it but I need to be the adult now and look after her more than ever. Same with Tatay too.

So please Dear Lord, always guide my parents to always stay healthy and strong. Please guide me too so I can be as strong as I can to help them. 

A Step

 

Historic day with the UK starting its mass vaccination program against COVID19! The first person to receive the vaccination is a 90-year old woman followed by a man named William Shakespeare hahaha!

I've also read that a year ago the first case of what be called COVID19  was reported in China. The timing of thinsg really! Anyway, this a hopeful sign that soon this will be over. 

Subconscious

 I had an unusual dream earlier this morning before I woke up. It felt like it was a manifestation of some current fears I have right now. I hope this isn't a sign or something. I hope that fear won't come to fruition. I should definitely just ignore but my nature is always to worry even in things like this that really is inconsequential. I easily dwell in negativity. Oh Dear Lord, please guide me.

Dated

 So I inherited my brother's old phone, it's an old model of android phone. It only has like 4 GB phone storage! How primitive! But it's just fine for me. The apps I need are just Spotify and YouTube really. I don't do social media apps, I'm still a desktop user for social media! Anyway, my former phone after 6 years is near dying already so I need to switch already and I'm not feeling to buy a new one really because you tight with money! I use two phones ever since, I need a backup because I'm a just in case person. Technology is moving so fast and I'm actually behind especially with phones! But I don't mind really, I'm more of a laptop person and I don't like having too many apps! I'm contemplating of buying a cheap basic phone really for a third backup phone that I can rely for battery longevity. We'll see if the budget is right!

40 Days

 Today is the 40th day of my uncle's passing. We had the traditional padasal at the cemetery earlier and a small salo-salo after to celebrate his life. It's been 40 days but the sadness is still here. From time to time I still question why he had to leave us soon. Why he had to suffer in such painful way before he passed away. He didn't deserve it. I've accepted that I will never find out the reason. Christmas is near and it will be weird not to see him drop by to greet us. It's still odd not to have him in our lives anymore. 

Changing Screens

So today Warner Bros announced that all their 2021 movies will be streaming on their streaming platform HBO Max the same day as the theatrical release. HBO Max basically just available in the US, so for international theaters, it will still be in theaters just like the upcoming release of Wonder Woman 1984. I have mixed feelings about this because well this is the future I guess but I'm afraid it could kill the cinema experience for good or make it too premium just like Vinyl records are these days. And of course piracy. A good HD quality will be out on torrent once their movies are out on HBO Max. 

Locally, Star Cinema is doing the same with the movie Four Sisters Before The Wedding where it will be available for video-on-demand online and cable/satellite TV but also will screen in cinemas that are open which are the areas under Modified GCQ. So no Metro Manila theaters where the lion's share of the box office comes from. But of course, I'm glad the provincial theaters have something major to play. The business struggled so much this year.

What a moment in entertainment right now we are seeing. The industry is changed forever. 

Admiration

 So there was a meeting at the office earlier and it was actually for just one department but since you know pandemic protocols that meeting had to be done in the open space in the office proper than in the meeting room so yeah even us not part of the department de-facto joined in especially when the company owner spoke which was not planned but he felt the urge to speak out and shared that while the company was affected, like nearly every company in the world, by the pandemic he never thought of giving up and not giving salaries to us. This is totally true and one of the reasons why I admired what the company did for us this year and motivated to do all means to get back to work at the office. Apparently, there are issues with employees (they were not named) that affected a certain project that led to this meeting. One of the managers got emotional when he spoke up and definitely shocked us because he is the silent type. I still have no clue what the problem was but I honestly don't want to because hey it is not my business but this meeting validated my feelings about staying here. I know it's not a high-paying job but I've been here for 11 years because I found a home here and the owner is the person I truly admire. When he said earlier that the company will only close down if he is poor already, I know he meant every word. He then announced that for us not to worry that we will have our 13th-month pay. I didn't worry because I know sir will not allow the possibility of not giving it to us and I was actually not surprised when it was revealed that our 13th month will not come from the company's funds but from his own pocket. He is that kind of man. 

So yeah it ain't easy but hey I will work hard to help the company even more. When he said he treated us as family, I believe it because I feel it. 

Wrapped

 Since subscribing to Spotify in 2015, the year end Wrapped is always something I look forward to. The presentation of my listening habits of the year is so well done and eye-catchy. And of course, as a chart geek I love the stats! I'm just annoyed this year, the Wrapped presentation is available only at the mobile app! I like seeing it on my laptop! Anyway, my my most played song is BLINDING LIGHTS. Released late last year, this song is still a bop, not tired of it yet! My #2 is the pandemic song Pag-ibig Ang Hihilom sa Daigdig from ABS-CBN. The rest of my top 5 are Taylor Swift's and Bon Iver's Exile, Lewis Capaldi's Before You Go and Ben & Ben's cover of Make It With You. My music preference is so adult contemporary now which is apt for my age. I will have my annual "Hot 100" blog post where I rank songs subjectively at the end of the year, will Blinding Lights still be on top? We shall see

On the podcast side, four out of five are local ones! The past 2 years were dominated by American podcasts! My top podcast is The Eve's Podcast hosted by former RX 93.1 jocks Delamar, Monica, Gelli and Jude Rocha followed by the radio drama Dear MOR and another radio-based one is at #5 which is The Morning Rush. Even if they are no longer together, still loyal to my radio idols Chico and Delamar! My only foreign podcast in the top 5 is The Hollywood Reporter's'TV's Top 5 at #3 while at #4 is the podcast from filmmakers Tonet Jadaone and Juan Miguel Severo called Walang Kwentang Podcast which is a funny conversational podcast that was just launched this year.

I love Spotify, it's my new radio really.

Light & Joy

There is a tinge of sadness with a hopeful end in this music video that resonated to me.

It's been a tough year and everything is far from ever but  we can hope that brighter days are ahead.