XL

 YouTube algorithm knows me so well. Suggesting this GMik episode set in Festival Mall, Alabang! This was set in 2000, also the time na madalas kami dito so this was such a time capsule nostalgia trip. I especially loved seeing Odyssey XL record bar! One of the shops na favorite ko puntahan everytime we are and I could spend hours just looking around. That shop closed early this year after more than two decades.  

Mas malaki na Festival Mall ngayon but the last time I went there, the main mall's structure still basically the same and you know sometimes when you go through so much changes in life, a sense of familiarity somewhere gives a nice feeling even if momentarily.

More

 Third straight night of getting things done so hopefully this good streak continues. Also, can it please manifest to attracting that thing I want to have already. Not a day goes by that I go paranoid with my anxiety of not having those things yet on lock. Always included in my prayers and I really hope good news will come soon

Quotes

My worrying continues even if there are like good things in front of me because I worry about what could be next? I wish I could stop thinking this way, always in constant fear of impending doom.  I'm getting anxious about the lack of development on one important area then of course the other fear that one call I made was a bad one because I was trying to avoid something that could bring so much distress. My head is a mess

Bit

Today is a holiday but I normally go to the office for single-day holidays but the dubbing scheduled for today was moved to Thursday so the office won't be open. Bummer because I do like working on a holiday with the relaxing commute and general peaceful office ambiance with fewer people around so I could focus more. And of course, the holiday fee is added to the salary too. But I did get to sleep until 9AM, five hours later than usual during a workday. Anyway, can't wait to get back to work and hoping for some good news like I always do each week. 

Threat

I'm so anxious again over so many things. Lingering fears. new fears. Paranoia. I'm just scared of possible outcomes. But I need to show strength and spread positive vibes despite my fears deep inside. Oh Dear Lord, please don't let my fears happen. I'm so scared.

Bummer

I wanted an escape but the door closed. So here I am again with no choice but to endure stressful things that should not be giving me stress in the first place but I have no choice yet again. I always have to be in the middle of things to prevent things from escalating further. I am so sick and tired of this cycle. But once again I try to think of terrible situations I could be in to put me into perspective or to be real just be okay with whatever I have to deal with. 

Off

 I can't help but be bothered although it has been clarified that there's nothing to be worried about. But why is the reflex to castigate because you did so much better that they've been overshadowed? I know I'm overthinking it but I can't help but feel so bad. This was the last thing I needed. But maybe this is another punishment because of my consistent mistakes these past few months. Because I gave in to my shallow wants. I know there is a valuable lesson out there but now let me wallow through the pain of being disregarded. I know it was not the intention but it has already affected me so much now. I'll get over it because in the end I did nothing wrong but I'm just going to be cautious now. Put that wall back again. Well, I've always had walls but I left some space but maybe it was a mistake. I was so protective to not make a mistake, not to stir the boat but who knew doing so well will still cause you harm? Where will I place myself?

Exhale

 Oh well, the one thing I was trying to avoid could be happening now. I saw it coming to be honest with the thin slate that happened. I guess it's another blow to me again. A reminder of how vulnerable things are and how I got too complacent. Now it could be over soon. 

Retrace

While still far from what I want, I'm still glad I have things lined up already. But I want more really. I hope there will be a lot soon. I did my best to jumpstart something that hopefully I can finish tomorrow or if not Friday morning. I focused a lot of my energy here to make up for some of the mistakes I made the past few weeks. I need to set the mood for the better and hopefully attract more positive vibes in the process

20

 Some good news and yet I still feel stressed over little things because it might not be a little thing after all and could be a big deal in the long run. I just have to accept I will always worry no matter what but I can take any win I can get than the worst case scenario happening or thinking about the worst case scenario all the time especially when some good news is there, cherish it, hold on to it.

Long

 One of my fears happened and I had a feeling it was coming. This is my fault of course because I didn't give it proper time to smoothen it. I don't want to be a cause of delay and hassle but what's done is done. I hope it will still run smoothly despite my mistake. It was not a good week and it's all because of me. I can't blame anyone really, sure I can make excuses because of circumstances blah blah but the point of the matters I made poor choices hence poor results. 

Huh

  I was working on a dubbing script and I don't know why it felt like some of the lines were attacking me hahaha! What a coincidence it is that some of the lines are so applicable to the stuff I went through this week. The wounds haven't healed completely but I totally accept my culpability. I know this is a learning experience that will be a lifelong lesson and I do already feel the effects it had on me. And I hope I fall into the same trap of my own wrongdoing again

Waiting

Because of my epic fail this week, the thing I'm usually worried about took the backseat but now that it's nearing once again, my feeling of fear for that particular thing has returned. Hoping and praying for the best because yes I'm quite emotionally exhausted right now although I'm trying to make things better by not dwelling on it. But this thing will always be a recurring fear. Oh Dear Lord please don't let my fears happen.

Get up

 From time to time, that mistake still frustrates me but I shove it aside because there's nothing I can do to change the past. All I can do is FINALLY learn from the mistake and be firm with this change I want to see in myself. I really needed to learn the hard way or else I was bound to repeat it because I'm getting use to the repercussions and now that I've face the worst humanity can bring, madadala na talaga ako

Get It

 My recent mistake definitely taught me a lesson. But I will try to take this mistake as a driver to push myself to do better and make up for the mistake and come out triumphant. I hope one day that I will look back on this event as the pivotal moment of my life where I made a major change to improve my life. I am determined to turn things around.

Dasurv

 Learned a valuable lesson that will finally put an end to a crazy thing. God does really know how to send the message when you have been so stubborn. It hurts but it finally needed to happened so I can have this wake up call. This cycle will stop. I will be wiser. I will not ignore the signs anymore. Will not let the demons get the best of me again

UD

 Today I learned DLSU-Dasmarinas is now called UD by the new generation! The school's official facebook page used it and it's causing quite a stir among us old people haha. Truth be told, I find it so odd but well I don't want to judge what the young people do these days. And in the end it's really  not a big deal.

Five?

 I don't know why or maybe I know I just don't want to deal with the truth of my vulnerability. It all boils down to the deep sadness and frustration I have that's affecting the way I view things. I'm quite miserable, oh well :(

Reeling

My recklessness is still giving me a lesson. In a way, I feel that life is unfair that the one time (okay 4 times) I pursued what I want, I get to pay the consequences. But of course, my rational side took over and said "You had it coming".  It really is my fault that I'm in this dilemma right now.  But I hope this really stops right here and there will be no further struggles again because this is already eating me alive. This challenge I can still cope with and I do know the way to make it better in the long run. I'm still anxious over things but I'm trying to hold on to that hope that it will be fine, right? Oh please Lord let it be fine, 

Predictable

 I didn't do what I was supposed to do today, so another Saturday where there's no progress! Maybe because it's not immediate and I know I have a buffer so yeah but still I wish I made progress today. But Id do know taking a break is needed as well and not be on the go all the time. 

Vicks

 I try not to overthink something so small and yet I can't help but feel worried again. I hope nothing bad will happen. It's always this time of the year when something off happens but please hopefully not this time. Dear Lord, please hear my prayer

Ahead

 I was able to finish some things earlier than usual. Hopefully, this will give me time and energy to focus better for a big thing I need to finish as soon as possible. I need to finish it so I can also do other stuff as well. But despite already having something to look forward to, I still feel frustrated over the lack of updates on some certain things. It comes in trickles when I want it to pour!

Believe

 So a new exciting thing came along and I grabbed the opportunity at once. I really need to make up for everything I've lost so I will do my best to accomplish my goal this time. It will be quite challenging because of a limited time set but I'm so ready. And I actually want more too to come soon. And can it come fast?

Let it Rip

 So now I just confronted the consequence of my recklessness and it is freeing. Yes, I'm facing quite a big challenge but at least I no longer delaying the inevitable. No longer in denial of my mistake. I swear to bounce back from this setback. In the grand scheme of things, it is just a minor hiccup but the way I am, I'm just too hard on myself. But it's all for the better so I won't do this recklessness again. 

Oh Dear Lord please guide me as I pick myself up from this self-induced setback. 

4x

 So yeah I now regret I did that thing four times so I'm now in this tricky situation. Well, it's actually workable and all but I wish had the buffer which I wasted because of that risk I made. Yeah, I learned some things in the end but ultimately I am suffering from the consequences. I need to do my very best and get back what I've wasted. I can do it

Noise

 Another day, another chaotic moment for no good reason. Because people can't control what they think, what they feel. I've had those moments of puro annoyance too but I don't stir drama and just keep it to myself because what good does it that than add unnecessary stress. Tired over and over and over again.

Course

The last batch of my course Broadcast Journalism will graduate this month. The program has now been redeveloped into Digital and Multimedia Journalism next school year. I feel a little sad about it but times have changed and I applaud DLSU-D's foresight and willingness to adapt. 

There are some choices in life that I have regrets but not the course I chose! Broadcast Journalism was actually my second choice with Accounting as my first choice because I was kinda good in high school accounting but during the enrollment when I was asked which course I will take, the heart spoke 💕 

Being a grade-conscious studious student from elementary to high school, college was so refreshing and the highlight of my school life. I still cared about grades but my life didn't revolve around it anymore because being a BroadJourn student expanded the way I view life and learning. 

Bravo Broad Journ! We had a great run, thanks a lot to sir Artin Umali the heart and soul of the program. 

All the best to AB Digital and Multimedia Journalism, I'm sure it will be as great as BroadJourn and I'm excited for the upcoming pioneer batch.

More waiting

 Still nothing and I'm getting alarmed. I'm just anxious as always but hopefully next week there will be news I am waiting for. Also this month there is something I'm trying not to think because it scares me yet again. It's been a routine for the past few years but I'm always scared about it. It's part of the fiber of my being now. That's why I need to have things to distract me, good distraction not the other distraction that made me lose my mind which I somehow regret although it is something I needed to experience - losses and all. Yeah, another messy rambling but this is how my mind has been lately

Still Waiting

 As I wrapped another today, I have another on deck but after that nothing yet. It is really worrying me that this dry spell continues. I really hope we get some good news soon because this is really making me anxious!

Cool

 There's a very cool thing that I need to confirm before bragging about it. I need confirmation so I'll have permission to be proud of it. I do hope credit is given so it could be a good booster for us hopefully. I'm still worried that there are not enough follow-ups to fill in the spaces and I really hope they will arrive soon enough

Circling Back

I am scared of a lot of things right now. I try not to think about it so it won't manifest but my mind just keeps thinking about worse-case scenarios for these two things on my mind always. Now, I'm trying to distract myself again about a thing I'm trying to avoid but it's proven to be a struggle