My 10 Favorite TV Comedy Episodes and My 5 Favorite Movies of 2021

  Here is my annual rundown of my favorite episodes of the sitcoms/comedy programs I watched this year. Like in previous years for variety purposes I just chose one episode per show. Check out my top 10 lists over the years: 2020,2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013,2012

1. Superstore Season 6 Episode 15 "All Sales Final" 

The series wraps up in such a beautiful moment for the Cloud 9 crew and represents how this show captured the joy and pain of being part of the working class. 

2. Only Murders in the Building Season 1 Episode 10 "Open and Shut"

The season finale of this wonderful comedy mystery featured a top performance from Steve Martin reminding us how a great and charming comedian he is. 

3. Hacks Season 1 Episode 8 "1.69 million"

Jean Smart's knockout performance in the standup comedy routine where she confronted a chauvinist is  an all time great. She makes this show so good.

4. Mom Season 8 Episode 18 "My Kinda People and the Big To-Do"

One of the heartbreaking cancellations for me this year, despite the short notice the show was able to do the best series finale they can under the circumstance with a funny and heartfelt final share of Bonnie. 

5. Ted Lasso Season 2 Episode 4 "Carol of the Bells"

I've been longing for a good Christmas TV episode and this show gave me that. It was cheerful, positive but also not too saccharine, just the perfect merry blend

6. What We Do in the Shadows Season 2 Episode 8 "The Wellness Center"

This episode is a terrific showcase of the talented cast and how this nails mixing the dark humor with traditional comedy. 

7. Ghosts Season 1 Episode 6 "Pete's Wife"

You know a new show is clicking when 6 episodes in you already feel like you've been watching for many seasons and know the characters for so long. This episode in particular had a great balance of laugh out loud moments and tender heartfelt moment

8. Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 8 Episode 9-10 "The Last Day"

The series wraps up with one final heist game that's crazy fun with the clever and funny twists and turn and ended up with a showcase of how awesome this ensemble is

9. Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist Season 2 Episode 13 "Zoey's Ex

Another show that got canceled this year but was still able to pull off a very solid finale that left the characters in a good  place although the show did get a wrap up holiday movie

10. Bob Hearts Abishola Season 3 Episode 2  "Bowango" 

The wedding episode was such a vibrant display of the Nigerian culture with a very earnest intentions that makes this underrated show such a gem. 

****

My Five Favorite Movies of 2021

5. The Mitchells vs The Machines

A good tale of how our dependence to digital world could hurt us by interrupting communication lines on  a personal intimate level. 

4. Luca

A simple story of  friendship and self-identity with a heartfelt take on finding one's self. 

3. Encanto

A rare mainstream animated movie that didn't go full action adventure but the entire conflict was just inside the house both physically and emotional level. The songs were so fun too especially the jam  "We Don't Talk About Bruno"

2. Raya and The Last Dragon

The main mythology needed more time to be fleshed but the animation is just on another level and so breathtaking. The message about community conflict and misunderstanding also resonates in this polarizing world.

1. CODA

I'm not a Child of Deaf Adults but I definitely could to the lead character's conflict of being in between family responsibilities  and the desire to design one of own's path. 

Favorites from the past years:

2020

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015
2014
2013
2012
2011

My Hot 100 for 2021

My favorite songs for 2021

1. Happier Than Ever - Billie Eilish

2.  Leave The Door Open - Silk Sonic (Bruno Mars & Anderson Paak)

3. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

4. Elyu - Ben&Ben

5. Easy On Me - Adele

6. Drivers License - Olivia Rodrigo

7. Cut & Run - Lifehouse

8. All Too Well (10 Minute Version) - Taylor Swift

9. Binibini - Zack Tabudio 

10. MAPA (Band Version) - SB19 & Ben & Ben

11. good 4 u - Olivia Rodrigo

12. Save Your Tears - The Weeknd & Ariana Grande 

13. Upuan - Ben&Ben

14. Bad Habits - Ed Sheeran

15. Heartbreak Anniversary - Giveon

16. papercuts - Machine Gun Kelly

17. Lunod - Ben&Ben feat Zild and Juan Karlos

18. Levitating (remix) - Dua Lipa feat DaBaby

19. Treat People With Kindness - Harry Styles

20. Damage - H.E.R

21. Kiss Me More - Doja Cat & SZA

22. Traitor - Olivia Rodrigo

23. Gabay - KZ Tandingan

24. Pasalubong - Ben&Ben and Moira Dela Torre

25. Shivers - Ed Sheeran

26. Magpahinga - Ben&Ben

27. Nangangamba - Zack Tabudio

28.  Oxytocin - Billie Eilish

29. Sabel - Ben&Ben and KZ Tandingan

30. Kapangyarihan - Ben&Ben and SB19

31. Skate - Silk Sonic (Bruno Mars & Anderson Paak)

32. deja vu - Olivia Rodrigo

33. Meet Me At Our Spot - The Anxiety, Willow, Tyler Cole 

34. Swimming Pool - Ben&Ben and Chito Miranda

35. Marupok - KZ Tandingan

36. Kahit Kunwari Man Lang - Agsunta and Moira Dela Torre

37. To Be Loved - Adele

38. Kasayaw - Ben&Ben

39. Beautiful Mistakes - Maroon Five feat Megan Thee Stallion

40. My Universe - Coldplay and BTS

41. Dumaloy - SUD 

42. Peaches - Justin Bieber, Daniel Ceasar and Giveon

43. Till Forever Falls Apart - Ashe and Finneas

44. Hate You + Love You - Cheat Codes and AJ Mitchell

45. Maligaya Ang Buhay - Inigo Pascual

46. Our Song - Anne Marie and Niall Horan

47. Cold Heart (PNAU Remix) -  Elton John and Dua Lipa

48. He's Into Her - BGYO 

49. Anyone - Justin Bieber 

50. Follow You - Imagine Dragons 

51. Heartbreak Anthem - Little Mix and David Guetta

52. Andito Tayo Para Sa Isa't Isa - Various Artists 

53. Waving Through a Window - Ben Platt 

54. Cover Me in Sunshine - Pink and Willow Sage Heart

55. Love Again - Dua Lipa

56. Kulang ang Mundo - Sam Mangubat

57. Ibang Planeta - Zild

58. We're Good - Dua Lipa

59. Permission to Dance - BTS 

60. What a Life -Scarlet Pleasure

61. Sugat - Ben&Ben and Munimuni

62. Agatha All Along - Kathryn Hahn

63. Ilang Tulog Na Lang - Ben&Ben

64. Run - One Republic

65. Kayumanggi - Ben&Ben

66. Come Through - H.E.R and Chris Brown

67. Visiting Hours - Ed Sheeran 

68. Bang! - AJR

69. Leave Before You Love Me - Marshmello and Jonas Brothers

70. Take My Breath - The Weeknd

71. Piece of the Puzzle - Trisha Denise

72. Inevitable - Ben&Ben

73. We Don't Talk About Bruno - Encanto cast

74. Tabi Tabi Po - JMKO

75. Me Niego - Reik, Ozuna, Wisin

76. Monsters - All Time Low and blackbear

77. Willow - Taylor Swift

78. Here's Your Perfect - Jamie Miller

79. Shy Away - Twenty One Pilots

80. Girls5eva - Girls5Eva Cast

81. Stay - The Kid Laroi & Justin Bieber

82. Tinadhana Sa'Yo - Zephanie

83. Ako Naman Muna - Angela Ken

84. Don't Go Yet - Camilla Cabello

85. Lead The Way - Jhene Aiko

86. Sigurado  - Belle Mariano

87. Bazinga - SB19

88. Smokin Out the Window - Silk Sonic (Bruno Mars & Anderson Paak)

89. Pahina - Kiss N Tell

90. The Light - BGYO

91. Ang Hirap Maging Mahirap - Davey Langit feat Kritiko

92. Overpass Graffitti - Ed Sheeran

93. One Right Now - Post Malone and The Weeknd

94. Husavik - Will Ferrell and Molly Sandén

95. Transparent Soul - Willow and Travis Barker

96. Todo De Ti - Rauw Alejandro

97. Asi Me Gustas - Pau y Davo feat Diego Bollela

98. Shot in the Dark - John Mayer

99. Your Power - Billie Eilish

100. Paraluman - Adie

My Hot 100 for 2020

My Hot 100 for 2019

My Hot 100 for 2018

My Hot 100 for 2017

My Hot 100 for 2016

My Hot 100 for 2015

My Hot 100 for 2014

 My Hot 100 for 2013

My Hot 100 for 2012 
My Hot 100 for 2011
My Hot 100 for 2010
My Hot 100 for 2009  
My Hot 100 for 2008
My Hot 100 for 2007

Tempted

 So today I resisted to do something I used to do pre-pandemic because first it will cost money and second time constraints! I really wanted to do it for relaxation but as always my rational side always wins out. It was the last working day of the year and I wanted to celebrate surviving by giving myself  treat, a frivolous one. Maybe next year I can do it? The thought of it excites me but then again covid cases are rising again. I'm pretty sure omnicron variant has spread here already so I got to be cautious too. There's just a lot of things I need to consider before doing that frivolous thing really. So much complications for such matter that's basically insignificant 

Installed

 So I was supposed to work at the office today but the new cable/fiber Internet bundle provider I applied for last month finally contacted me yesterday to inform of the schedule of the installation today. I tried to re-schedule it on Dec. 30, a holiday, but they have no work on that day so I adjusted my schedule to accommodate them because I have to be here as my parents and nephew will not know how this works out. They texted a schedule within 8AM-4PM but it was nearing 4PM and they haven't arrived so I had a little meltdown (but still respectful) towards their customer service because they tried to moved my schedule to tomorrow morning which isn't possible for me because I NEED to go to the office tomorrow, I was thisclose to cancelling it and have my reservation fee refunded but my pushback forced them to still come to our house even if it was 5PM already. They are a new service in town so they better make up for this delay. Anyway, I'm now using the Internet service and so far so good. The cable service looks better with better channel lineup and video reception for some channels that had never ending issues with our current and soon to be former cable provider. Now that's next on my agenda  is to cancel that cable subscription. Good thing we are on old subscriber predating the acquisition from a bigger company that had lock-in periods (mainly because of the Internet service which the old cable company didn't have). Hopefully, that disconnection service won't be a hassle!

Knocks

 I'm struggling with my pessimism lately. Of course, I keep it to myself because I don't want to be that person I don't like dealing with, a person full of negativity. I'm deeply worried about one aspect of my life and in lull moments I think of what would I do if the nightmare I'm imagining actually happens. I knock on wood furiously each time my mind crosses that. It's a superstition I got from my family where if you do that you could stop something bad from happening but to be honest it has become a mechanism for me to stop myself from going even deeper with negative thoughts. It ain't easy to be in constant fear and the past two years didn't help things further. It's quite a miracle I'm standing tall as it is. Oh Lord please don't let these nightmares' I have from happening. I'm begging you.

Turn Around

 So Christmas started rough and stressful  but thankfully it got betteras the day went on. Nanay even if she stayed inside the van for the whole day for precaution enjoyed the basic roadtrip we had because she was outside the house and not in a clinic for the first time in months. We dropped by two malls to buy food - Market Market and Powerplant Mall, we chose to go there because the parking will be easier as there won;t be huge crowds which we were right. Nanay wanted to see the light show in MOA but the crowd in MOA was insane. There were no parking and so many people it's not safe so we just decided to go home so we can rest early too.

Thank you Lord that our Christmas was solid. My Christmas wish is the same as my birthday wish this year. Good health for my family especially my parents, I want more Christmas spent with them in good health condition

Spoiledmas

 Officially Christmas but sadly our mood was spoiled due to unnecessary drama. We ate early so most of the family members are asleep now. It's for the best at this time. Peace and calm. There are plans today that I hope will turn things around or at the very not give additional stress. I hope that one will not ruin the mood later and maybe realize the aftermath of that truly selfish action. Please that would be the gift I want for this Christmas - peace of mind even for just today.

Eve of Resentment

I'm so exhausted, I know my role on this day is bigger now but on top of that others just chose to add more stress because of pure nonsense. If we learn to let go of things and focus on what matters we can avoid stressful situations but no others chose to pamper their ego and make more things harder than it already is I won't be merry tonight and maybe even tomorrow. 

Doors Closed

 Today we found the clinic my mother has been going to for diabets management since the pandemic started has closed down permanently. There were warning signs with them cutting out lab services then all the doctors who checked up my mother left. This week is supposed to be her every 3 month checkup after doing her lab results and the doctor then said we should just come after Christmas for the checkup. I went to the clinic earlier to ask for the doctor's availability so I was shocked when I found it out closed down. Too bad I love their services so much and really took care of my mother well. We will now go back to her old clinic/doctor which was her original one but they closed down during the height of the pandemic so we had to find a new one and we landed in Family Doc clinic and we've been very satisfied. Too bad their next closest open clinic is still so far! Oh well, maybe a pandemic casualty? Another one. Hay.

Three Two

 So today I received something unexpected! It was for something I worked on a couple months ago and now seeing the fruit of that labor! I didn't know I will receive it today so it was a nice surprise! I immediately placed that blessings on a safety net. This inspired me to push myself more next year and let my inhibitions go. Maybe it's not yet late.  Hopefully. 

A10S

 I was planning to buy a new phone because my Alcatel smartphone is nearly 7 years old with battery issues and well its 4GB storage is you know so outdated and I need more internal storage because of the essential apps I'm using like GCash, Paymaya and the Smart/Globe apps! But my sister handed me her old phone because she got a new one as part of renewing her postpaid plan! Great and definitely saves me money. I'm now acquainting myself with this Samsung phone and honestly because I'm so used to my outdated smartphone, I'm a little lost now! But I'll get used to this of course and it's necessary to have a more current smartphone in this era

But I still have a keypad phone as backup with an old SIM I've had since college!

Struggles

One thing that deeply bothered me from the accounts of Typhoon Odette victims is the current struggle to get clean drinking water. Due to the power shutdown, many water refilling stations can't operate and so bottled water supply quickly ran out. It is quite jarring to find out how big a problem this is. A country surrounded with water and natural resources struggling to get clean water supply. I feel so much for the people struggling right now.

And this happening with Christmas happening this week. I can't imagine how the people affected right now are dealing with this crisis in a season that's supposed to be happy.

Odette

 It's just today that I realized how Typhoon Odette left such big lasting damage in Visayas and Mindanao. Somehow I feel like we were all caught off guard by how disastrous this would be?  I don't know if it just me but I felt news coverage felt lacking too?  Or maybe because I'm here in Mega Manila which was not directly affected. I've seen a lot of outcry due to problems in cellphone signal and lack of basic necessities life safe drinking water. We have relatives in Bohol who got affected too with big damages in their houses and some still unreachable;. I reached out to a friend based in Cebu but no response on my message. I hope he and his family are safe. 

Treat

 I don't get to do it often because funds are limited and allocated already to essentials so I felt really happy I was able to treat my family with my 13th month. It was just simple, chicken, liempo, pancit and donuts I bought from stores here. Despite all my frustrations and anxiety, I can still find joy in simple things and give my mind a break from endless worries. 

One Step Back

My nephew had his first dose of Pfizer anti COVID19 vaccine today! He will have his second dose in early January. I'm glad he finally got one because just in case they'll finally return to face-to-face classes sometime next year, we will be more at ease. He definitely wants to return to the actual school because online school just isn't the same and admittedly he gets attracted to it because the temptation to play games on the side while having classes is just there! Also, he is a young teenager now and it's quite a crucial time too and I do think having interaction with fellow teens in person is essential in shaping up his personality too. Hopefully, all things will be better by next year. Please Lord let this new variant be something that can't be controlled easily by vaccines. 

Season's Bits

 My nephew had a "virtual" Christmas party today. He participated via Microsoft Teams and even had a presentation to him dancing All I Want For Christmas is You in Santa Claus. I know he hated it now that he's 13 but he's cooperative as always. I picked up his exchanged gift at school. Hopefully, next year he can have real Christmas party with his classmates. 

*

My siblings had Christmas grocery from their bosses! It's a nice touch and save us from buying such stuff like spaghetti, ham, fruit cocktail!

*

Received my 13th month today, yehey! Last year it got delayed to January this year which was a bummer but understandable given how financially hard it was. I had my expectation low this year and prepared myself if it will be delayed again especially that our company is still not in top form given the retrenchment last month. So it coming today is a pleasant surprise. Thank you Lord!

Tow

To save money, I've tried commuting to work via jeep and bus again just like in the pre-pandemic times. Not everyday though because riding the van is just more convenient especially going home but I need to save up money. The bus to Ayala from Alabang has changed now notably that for the fare a card must be used. I'm fine with that since the card is free anyway. Earlier though I chose to ride an ordinary bus *no aircon*  to save more money but bad timing the bus broke down in the middle of the expressway with no options for us commuters but just wait for the tow service to get the bus to a place where we can ride a bus to Ayala. It took over an hour before I got to the office because of that incident! But since I leave home earlier than most people, I still got in before 8AM but I could have been there by 6:30AM! And this day was quite hectic for me with lots of task to finish but I made it through thank goodness. 

And that's it.

 Today was the last shot for me to open that window of something I really wanted to do but ultimately I chose to close it because it's just not practical for me to pursue it. It's not really a big life changing matter but it's a small thing that could have brought me temporary happiness. I knew I made right choice because I acted rationally and not on impulse but still I can't  help but feel sad that a small matter like this is like a big decision for me due to my life's limitations and the pursuit of convenience. 

Breach

 So there's this massive hack with BDO that led to a lot of people transferring money to a Union Back account with "nagoyo" as a surname! This is quite scary because you would think the biggest bank in the country will have the tightest security! I have had my savings there since I was a teen because they are the biggest so confidence is high. I've checked my payroll and savings account and thankfully not part of those who got victimized. I guess it helped that I don't do online banking because I'm generally a paranoid person. And yeah this incident will not help things further

Ajar

 So my brother has this possible new job opportunity from his wedding godmother and Tatay's former co-worker. This should be a no-brainer given that his current company is having financial troubles, delayed salaries and such. But I know he is having second thoughts because he is loyal to his bosses and has a personal relationship with them. He might feel that he is gonna offend by jumping ship in time of a crisis. I wish he could be practical especially since he is married now but with no kids yet but what if it finally happens? I do understand him and somehow I could relate to. I wish we are more like other people that are tough when it comes to decisions like this and make the leap. Too much emotional factor clouding our judgments to be honest. Lord please guide my brother. 

Hethler

 A friend whom I met on Pinoyexchange passed away yesterday. His name is Hethler and was initially a poster of the Anime forum then the ABS-CBN thread and also International TV and Movies. He eventually became a moderator and hosted a couple of games too. He would given generous prizes personally. I met him personally a couple of times and he is such a pleasant and nice guy. I don't know the details on the cause of death but last month he poste that he hospitalized and discharged after 17 days. I wished I asked how he was when I had chance. We haven't been in touch for quite awhile  and I regret that. Rest in Peace Hethler, may God bless your soul. 

Yeah, Nope.

 The plan that was supposedly spoiled last night actually didn't push through because of my choice too. I was just reminded that what I was planning to do is not practical at this point in my life. Yeah, it sucks but I need to be level-headed about it. Again, this so-called is not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things, it was something frivolous even but it would have brought me some joy. I felt I deserved it too but I was not gonna enjoy it anyway with all the other factors that would bug me anyway. I hope I can find a time where I can do that plan again. 

Can't Say No!

I planned something again tomorrow which a part of it are spoiled already because well circumstance where a decision was made without consulting you first and then lays it to you which catches you off guard. It's not a big deal to be honest but I can't help but get annoyed! Small issues that I just keep it to myself to prevent unnecessary stress. 

Preview

So a political motorcade today scares me because there was this viral clip of supporters being so obnoxious to a media institution and there's this political ally loudly proclaiming they have shut that company down and a reason for that they should be voted to higher power. And there were cheers from the crowd. Is this how gonna be the country's future be like? Just as I thought that what happened during this pandemic will be a wake up call, it feels like they felt more emboldened. I am scared of the future. I feel so hopeless. 

Adjust

 I had some plans for tomorrow that got averted because I need to adjust for certain family needs. Not gonna lie it's a bit of a bummer but I know deep in my heart this is the right and responsible thing to do.  I do hate feeling this way - of having some resentment. I'm 34 and I need to be more of an adult and stop acting like a child having tantrums of not having his way. Although to be fair to me, I only do tantrums to myself and do not show it to anyone else. I've been doing a lot of adjusting in my life to the convenience of others but that's what you do to the people you love the most.

Prolonging

I am puzzled why some people choose to make things more complicated when there's a solution that is simpler and directly addresses the issue. If you choose to keep things testy then why drag other people and hassle their lives just to give you convenience. I'm tired but I don't speak up because I know they won't listen and will just their turn the table against me. Why bother? Why add more stress to my life that's full of it already? I'm exhausted but I need to hold it together despite how everything is getting harder and harder to deal with.

Drama

 I'm tired of being in the middle of  family drama. An unnecessary drama. But I can't tell that or else more unnecessary drama will ensue. I'm tired of bad energy. I'm shielding Nanay as well from this drama so she won't get affected because it won't be good for her health. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff to and I get stressed all the time but I try my best to hide it from them especially Nanay. When she's in a foul mood and ultimately snaps at me too, it hurts a lot but I brush it aside acting as if I didn't get hurt because more than ever Nanay's health is a big priority. I hope some of my family will think that whenever they want to stir drama when they can prevent it from doing so. We have bigger things to think about.

Not gonna lie these are the moments where I wish I live independently. That I have my own life away from them. That I get to live the life I dreamed of. But God led me to this path I guess because who would be the one looking out for them? Maybe it is my purpose and I accept it.  It's just hard to take it all in sometimes. 

Here We Go Again

 It happened again, nothing really changes. I'm trying to just not care at all anymore but it's hard when you're the one directly hit even if you have no involvement at all. In an ideal world, I would cut this nonsense and be firm but I can't because doing so will just create bigger issues where in the end I'm still the one who resolves it and lower my pride. Pride? Do I still have that at a respectable measure? I don't know. Life flies by where I do nothing of significance. I try not to think about it anymore but what I can do if life continues to remind that I am nowhere. 

Additional

 Happy to learn today that a work project has been renewed for two more years so yeah that's job security especially at this time! I used to think this project will have a limited shelf life and that I was just staying on until it's over and what do you know it's still here and will be staying for the foreseeable future. The past 2 years have been rough so having this still a constant in my work life is at least a comfort with life's so many uncertainties. 

My Spotify Wrapped 2021... partially!

 I'm a little annoyed the Spotify Wrapped 2021 won't work on my phone so I can't access to my stats yet and as a chart geek it's torture! I did get my top 100 songs playlist but I need the other stuff! It's annoying that it is app exclusive now unlike before you can see a web version of it! Anyway, here's my top 10 *technically 11 but one song is listed twice due to two versions!

1. Easy on Me - Adele

2. Leave The Door Open - Silk Sonic

3. Happier Than Ever - Billie Eillish

4. Elyu - Ben & Ben (local song)

5. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

6. Cut & Run -Lifehouse

7. Papercuts - Machine Gun Kelly

8. Happier Than Ever Edit - Billie Eillish

9. Binibini - Zach Tabudio (local song)

10. Good 4 U - Olivia Rodrigo

*11. Bad Habits - Ed Sheeran

Happier Than Ever is likely my real #1 given my consumption of both the full and edited version 

Proactive

 Just listened to a podcast about the new covid variant and it somehow gave me relief. Not that it did cross out the possibility of this not being a bigger threat, far from that! But what gave me some assurance from this is how the scientists acted quickly on this new variant and announced it to the world to caution us. I admit the fear of what could go horribly wrong clouded my judgment. It is a good thing they warned the world as early as now before this becomes uncontrollable anymore. We are still in a wait-and-see mode as further studies are being done but at least is being done at the early stage of this variant. Praying this really won't be deadly and won't escape the vaccines. 📿

425

 Just 425 reported COVID cases today. It should be a cause for celebration but the threat of the new variant is a cause of concern. Praying hard this won't be a fatal variant and it could be controlled as soon as possible because I really just want this pandemic to finally not be a threat anymore. It's almost 2 years now. Life has changed so much. I'm just scared another stressful horizon is on the horizon. 

A Vibe

 Working (in the office) a day before a holiday always has that relaxing atmosphere. Of course, it isn't the same from the pre-pandemic times but still, it's nice to feel that semblance of that particular feeling again. I was able to accomplish some urgent work and also ran some errands for my family and didn't feel stressed or haggard. I hope December will run smoothly. While I know there will be a level of stress that comes with the season, I just hope there won't be life-altering problems on the horizon. Praying hard for this.

No Deja Vu Please

A lot of countries are bringing back suspending entries from countries due to the virus new variant. It's beginning to feel like another dangerous time is upon us. Everything with this new variant are still under study/observation. I really hope the vaccines are strong enough to prevent fatal cases. No one can take another round of restrictions and lives on hold. Oh please let this be not another nightmate.

Omicron

 So this new COVID19 has an official name OMICRON. I hope you won't be a household name like DELTA. I really hope the current vaccines will keep it at bay. I've accepted that this virus won't really go away but vaccines will keep it from being fatal thus less hospitalizations. Almost 2 years of this lifechanging event and just when you think it's finally coming to an end then boom another plot twist. But I hope it just us being so paranoid but in the end it won't really be the start of another nightmare. 

But...

So COVID19 cases reported today is just over 800 which is the lowest in a long time. The daily cases trend has been so good and I was really beginning to hope for a better 2022 but now the news of a new potentially deadly variant found in South Africa is dampening my mood. Hopefully, this won't be another cause of problem again. It's so tiring

Need to Feel

Christmas season is upon us! There will be caroling this year as allowed by the powers that be! I haven't been inside a mall lately but the decorations are all over from what I see outside. I sincerely hope I can feel more of the jolly holiday spirit and I get out of this sullen mode I've been lately. I'll try to get in the mood, maybe watch Christmas movies? I don't know. I really hope and pray the last month of 2021 will be saved from any worrying situation that will give me so much anxieties. Please Lord give this to me.

Tricky

 I'm in such a weird spot lately. I just feel so confused and messed up. There are so many things bugging my mind that I don't know what to do really. But I carry on each day facing life's uncertainties the best way I can. December is next week. It used to be my favorite month but I now feel so much dread. I'm scared of so many things that I can't enjoy life as it is. I always keep in mind things could be worst and yet I can't stop thinking what awaits could be terrible too. Oh Dear Lord please help find hope and peace.

No Way

  I think ahead and all I see is grim. How do you try not to think of darkness when it is seeping little by little overwhelming your senses. You know a moment of peace won't last, there's always something that's gonna ruin it eventually. You can't fully experience because there's always  a price for it. You want to be mad but you can't feel ungrateful that the worst has not happened yet. You always have to be the bigger person and handle everything as calmly as possible. But you are not made of stone despite trying to be that kind of person. You can't escape because even if you do there's no way you won't feel guilty so what's the point? Just endure as long as you can. Suck every single piece of frustration you have until you feel numb. There's just simply something you can't do. 

Not Happening

 I've been seeing this tweet going around about a breadwinner already traumatized to start a family of his own. I'm no breadwinner but currently carrying a big responsibility to my family that starting my own one is just nowhere near my future. And to be honest, I don't want to. I love the idea of having one though. I dreamed of it. It's just not something possible with my current situation and responsibilities. It does make me sad sometimes that I can't make my own path. 

Around

 I spent a good part of the afternoon watching documentaries on YouTube specifically human interest stories specific to a country. From the so-called leftover women in China, how dating works in modern Iran, water supply struggles in Pakistan, feminist movement and abuse of mentally disabled people in South Korea, rediscovering rural living in Japan, bleaching issues in South Africa to the pest struggles in the farms of Kenya! There's a lot of great professionally done narrative journalism you can find on YouTube these days and my mind is satisfied. 

Step Inside

 So I attended a meeting at my nephew's school and they encouraged for the students to go there too under safety measures of course. While my nephew was too lazy to come first, we convinced him to come because it will be the first time he will see his school since enrolling for his high school phase last year. Since he spent his pre-school and elementary years in a small school here in our subdivision, he was so amazed to be in a bigger school. I saw the excitement in his eyes! While they won't be coming back to face to face classes anytime soon as the principal announced earlier, they encouraged the parents to get the kids vaccinated as soon as possible to make this a reality. I really hope my nephew will have his real school experience next year at the very least!

Crack

 Something happened today which I'm not gonna lie is something I was hoping would happen just to shake those who refuses to see what's totally wrong. But I'm not trying to be hopeful that this could lead to a more meaningful mindset from the general public. I've been burned too many times but maybe this could be a game changer? I hope so. We desperately need  to get out of this darkness.

Defeatist

Negative thoughts are drowning me lately that a way for me to fight them off is to keep myself and preoccupied most of the time. It's really quite unhealthy that I always think of failing, of losing hope and letting the worst-case scenario grapple me. I'm just scared to think positive then ultimately end up losing. I'm so nervous about where everything is going. I need to stop accepting things if I can do something about it to change the fate. Oh God please guide me. 

You Need to Calm Down

 So after my meltdown last night, I have calmed down. Good thing I kept all those negative energy to myself and not let people know or feel what I'm going through because it would just create unnecessary stress. Unwanted tension. I had a good cry last night in bed trying to sleep and I woke up feeling better. I had a little mini meltdown to myself awhile ago too but my sensible side won thank God. I now go back feeling hopeful, very nervous but fighting for courage. I need to. 

Another L in the Forehead

 So I had this wake up call over a matter that has been an issue for years but I looked the other way so I won't get stressed about it and just hoped it would work out eventually. But now I'm facing the consequences of my negligence. I hope I can work this issue out soon enough. I'm a massive disappointment. I guess it's good I basically closed myself off from anyone so I embarrass myself less.  Or is it? I don't know. I'm just clueless.  

Sub

Yeah the expected political moves happened today and it's still worrying me a lot. I'm afraid that people already experience some form of freedom today will just ignore all the awful stuff that happened. The fanaticism on social media is alarming. So antagonistic. I'm scared, very scared.

Block

 Going to the office tomorrow because there's office service so I'll take advantage of that but honesty it's also a way for me to get distracted and avoid the news tomorrow which will definitely just stress me out because of one inevitable stunt coming to fruition. I feel so scared for next year because I do feel they will win. I have so many frustrations but feel so helpless. So I'll just try to escape at every opportunity.

Well, Well. Well?

 I jumped in the All Too Well 10 Minute Version bandwagon! Say what you want about Taylor Swift but she has really this storytelling power! This song is quite affecting in this major extended edition! It's #1 on Spotify Worldwide which is impressive because in the screaming age, the shorter the song, the more the streams it gets so for a 10-minute song to go #1 is mighty impressive!

***

Crazy days at my country. Political moves that are widely expected but still infuriating. I admit I'm scared they will win. But still clinging to hope there it won't be the case 

Still...

Traffic is really back but while there less restrictions. It still doesn't feel close too normal to me. It just is. 

Office began putting up Christmas but it just made me sad. Second year of a Christmas like this. But I will try to beat this sadness I feel and muster up as much enthusiasm as I can. 

Five

 My family received an unexpected blessing today that made my parents so happy! Whenever I see Nanay and Tatay happy, my heart is full as well. I hope this is a good sign of better days because this has been a tough year. While there will always worries, I fight each day to stay positive and hopeful and a good day like this helps me not to lose hope completely.

New connections

 So today I applied for a bundle cable TV service and fiber Internet connection from a new company that is entering our town. It's local-based company and I've read reviews from its sister company from another and mostly good reviews so I can't wait to have this installed in our house. Our current cable sucks so much ever since they got bought out by a larger company, they were better when they were just a small company, good thing we never upgraded to include Internet service because all I hear about their service is horrible. Hopefully, the fiber internet connection will be good too because the prepaid WiFi we've been using for 2 years now have been failing us lately! 

Solidify

So I was just reminded literally a few minutes ago why I should never be complacent. Absorbing another person's anxiety is so tough but I need to do it. No room for myself to be honest. I need on constant alert all the time. I have such big fears of what is ahead that I just try to avoid thinking about it but I can't escape from it. I'm living it each day. At least my gut feel over a major call is making more sense each day.  It needs to be done for everybody's sake.

Here for the Season

 Yeah, they are still the ones that can produce a Christmas that truly makes me feel like it is the yuletide season. There's always something enchanting and sincere about it. Their song always connects to me.

A Lesson Learned

 I  was watching the news earlier and they were asking common people what they want from a candidate. There was this man who I judged that is in the same "political fandom" just because of his background in life and how he talks but boy I was wrong. He made so much sense and very sensible with his opinions too. Not driven by propaganda, not driven by hate, not driven by antagonism but he became from a place where he just had enough of the hardships in life and simply wants accountability and fairness. I really should not judge people easily. What he said made me ponder if I am also falling in the trap of judging people easily because of how others behave. I should not be blinded by the loud antagonism and bending of truth by people out there. There are real people out there who are not easily swayed by those. And hopefully there are more.  

Timing

  So one thing didn't go as planned today and that led to some consequences. Not MAJOR consequences but still substantial enough to stress me out so much. Admittedly, my anxiety is rooted to my incessant overthinking! I hope it will be settled tomorrow because prolonging this will just lead to unnecessary agony. 

Roundup!

With the cancellation of Mom, Superstore, American Housewife and Brooklyn Nine Nine, my regular comedy schedule has slimmed down but I still continue to watch what's left! So thoughts on the current US Broadcast live action comedies

The Goldbergs - The season premiere tribute to George Segal was so heartfelt and a great way to honor his legacy! After that, it's the same old Goldbergs formula. Sometimes it still hits those funny bones but the same beats over and over again is just tiresome

The Wonder Years 2021 - Generally good show that explores coming-of-age topics so well and sensibly but I gotta admit it's really not LOL funny, it's amusing at best. But still a pleasant show watch.

The Conners - The Darlene storyline has potential especially with her exploration of faith and existential crisis but the character is just annoying and she deserves what Ben is giving her right now! Dan-Louise wedding was the highlight of the season so far, it was so hilarious! Laurie Metcalf continues to deliver the big laughs each episode, she's just amazing!

Home Economics - The show is trying to do a mix of Happy Endings and Modern Family but the problem is? Weak cast chemistry!

The Neighborhood - It's really a good joke/banter-heavy sitcom. Pretty basic but lovable cast.

Bob Hearts Abishola - The wedding episode was so vibrant and a pleasure to watch. Now the main couple is married, they are entering interesting plotlines so far.

Young Sheldon - This season is really handing the build up to Sheldon's dad fate really well with careful study of why George is facing a crisis that will ultimately end up to what Sheldon told us on Big Bang Theory. Also like Georgie's storyline too!

Ghosts - Best broadcast comedy of the moment! The latest episode made me tear up at the same time making me laugh out loud with that Bachelor-type show the ghosts were watching!

B Positive - The second season has a major pivot! It shifted from kidney donation to now being set at a senior home! The first episodes were rough to be honest as they wrap up the previous central storyline and builded the blocks to the new focus of the show. But the last 2 episodes when they finally focused with the new setup has been good so far with new senior characters introduced with interesting storylines. However, the love angle between the leads is tiresome!!!

Side note: They changed the opening from the bloody animated organ operation to a broadway-inspired number with Annaleigh Ashford front and center and I love it!

Of the non-US broadcast comedies I've enjoyed Ted Lasso, What We Do in the Shadows, The Other Two and my favorite Only Murders in the Building!  I'll write some thoughts maybe some other day

Unseen

 So last night Ayala avenue had its annual street lights started already. I just saw it in the news and not in person though because I was working from home yesterday but even if I work at the office I go home before 5PM so there's just no way for me to see it anymore. So for the second year in a row, I won't be able to see it again because there's no way I would stay late in the office these days. But damn 2 years of not experiencing this is making me a little sad. It was always a lovely thing to see and somehow makes me feel in the holiday spirit. Yeah, those days. Even if they are loosening up restrictions now, it's still far from normal, the real normal and not this new normal crap. I'm not sure if I will ever go back that way too. So much has changed.

Happy Birthday Tay!

 Tatay's 67th birthday today! Thank you Lord for keeping him healthy and strong. Please guide him always.

Paved

I had a good chat with an officemate today on how her family is affected by a road widening in their hometown and how they are getting the short end of the stick! They won't get compensated properly with the land they own that will be affected by it and those in power even insinuated that their land ownership over that was wrong in the first place. This a land their family owned for so long and it is only now really? She suspected that this so called widening is just for the benefit of one company because once the road widening their commercial property will now be accessible! I've read stories about this but now that I know someone personally that will get affected I really can't help but feel so frustrated even more! Are we really that powerless now?

Unknown

The start of the final 2 months of 2021! Hoping and praying things will get better personally! I want badly things to go back to normal but I also acknowledge it will never go back the way it once before. So I try my best to manage expectations, as long as it is not as terrible as I feared it will be okay. But I do wonder if this defeatist attitude will be good in the long run? Probably not but I always think of what's best for the moment. It's hard to plan for the future when a lot of things are uncertain. I do wish I was less afraid. It's so frustrating my issues are still the same all these years but my situation has gotten more complicated so whatever dreams I have are further away from reality. 

Both Sides Now

 I watched the movie CODA today and absolutely love it. Truth be told, it didn't reinvent the coming-of-age drama wheel but it has an interesting POV as it is from a Child of Deaf Adults and they casted legit deaf actors for the role so it was more authentic. The story basically tells on how pursuing one's path but is hard if you don't want to leave your family behind because they badly need you in their lives. Are you selfish for thinking your own personal interest? How the story panned out was admittedly predictable but still it was such well done movie that the ending was earned. The last part were so moving, a scene where the father is feeling her daughter's vocal chords while she is singing absolutely destroyed me! And the final musical moment involves the song Both Sides Now that was so affecting and has now led me to singing the Joni Mitchell song frequently now! The movie is streaming worldwide on Apple TV+  if you wanna check it out!

Another Dose

 My brother finally got his first dose of vaccine today. So that's just leave Nanay and my 13-year old nephew unvaccinated. Nanay's case we have to wait for her doctor's advice first but hopefully soon. Same with my nephew now that his age group will be allowed to get vaccinated soon. I really hope by 2022 things can have a true semblance of normalcy. 

Goes On

 So today was officially the last day of my co-workers who were retrenched.  Some approached to say goodbye and I really felt sad. And I just spent the last few hours reading their farewell messages on Facebook and sending my regards too. I don't show it that much in person but I'm sentimental  so I can't help but feel this way whenever people leave especially the ones I've worked with and have known for many years. And honestly even the ones I never had the chance to work with because we've seen each other's faces for a long time  so there's always that familiarity. I've been with the same company for 12 years so I've seen so many people come and go but each exit will always bring out a level of sadness.

Exits

 Some of my co-workers who got retrenched said their goodbyes. I'm not really close to anyone of them to be honest but still you've seen each other's faces for years in the same office so it's still sad really especially how it's not really their choice and not what the company prefers too. It's just necessary in order to survive in this tough economic situation. November is about to begin and all I can hope is that a promise of a better tomorrow is ahead. 

A Year Gone

 Today marks the first death anniversary of my beloved Tito Romy. I was there when he passed away and I will never forget his last few moments, the struggle he was facing and the moment he cried for one last time. Those images you just can't forget it. I miss Tito a lot. I still can't believe he is no longer with us and his last few months he was physically suffering because of his illness. He didn't deserve it. Hope you are at peace up there Tito, I will never forget you

Blocked

 The minor roadblocks in life these days give me a hard time inside. I feel like I should never be happy because there could be something in exchange for it. I need to be cautious, I need to guard my thoughts. The past few months were just so traumatizing that I can't shake this feeling of dread all the time. I'm always  worried and scared but I can't allow myself for anyone to know that. 

Wood Knock

 Got stressed today because I could feel her anxiousness. But in general at least it was still manageable and she seems to relax now. Whenever I'm facing this, I can't help but imagine the worst case scenario. I don't know why I do this to myself. I'm scared everyday and I distract myself everyday. But you can't escape it really. Oh Dear Lord please soothe our souls. 

Divide / Conquer

 Since restrictions have loosened there are now recreational areas in NCR open to the public even kids and seniors. There's this controversial "beach" that is now swarmed by people. Quite scary looking actually. A potential super spreader event. It does bother minors are allowed there and yet schools are largely closed. Oh well, it's really hard to love the country and general public these days.  But I really need to fight feeling this way to the common Pinoy. We are all being manipulated one way or another. I watched this documentary earlier about the conflict of Greek Cypriots and Turkish Cypriots in Cyprus and one comment struck me and it came from an old woman who witnessed the conflict all her life and she said politics found a way to to instill hate toward each other to better control us. I can feel that more than ever. 

Priorities

 Finished a work task that I was supposed to be done with yesterday but I had concentrating problems. It's due on Monday so I still had enough but I was hoping not to do any work stuff on a weekend! That's really a big challenge working from home, so many distractions at home to be honest. Usually I get things better at night when there are no more errands to do. Not complaining of course and I'm just glad I have work that allows me to do a hybrid office-home setup especially with what happened to my personal life this year, I really need to have a lot of time spent at home taking care of family needs. 

Pondering

 I made a choice although I'm not the prime decision maker but I made my voice heard and seems we're on the same page as well. To be honest, it's a scary choice but the thing is I'm trusting my gut. It also came with the sad acceptance of the inevitability. But not gonna think about it too much because it will drive me mad. But fear is engulfing me too. Lord please give us a sign it's the right choice.

Check Up

Tatay renewed his driver's license today and a medical checkup was needed and for the first time since 2018 he finally consulted a doctor again! Thank God he is generally in good health and still fit to drive. Underlying issue is high blood pressure where doctor gave him new maintenance medicines. It's a relief and may God bless Tatay and let him have continue to have good health 

Safe Watch

Today media release from Cinema Exhibitors Association of the Philippines references a recent study in Germany which concluded cinemas are safer than almost any other indoor environment, as long as safety guidelines are followed like mask-wearing and proper air ventilation

Quoting the press release:

The same German research took into account the following factors in its conclusion:

1. People spend an average of only two hours at a cinema 

2. People inside the cinema simply sit down and face the same direction which is known to reduce transmission risks

3. People are not talking to each other during a movie, which minimizes possibility of infection

And the protocols that will be admitted that was patterned set by America’s National Association of Theatre Owners (NATO) and endorsed by epidemiologists. 

Monitoring of moviegoers’ body temperature as they enter the cinema

Moviegoers to present authentic vaccination card

Implement regulations set by the IATF and LGUs on facial coverings

No eating inside the cinema

Enforce socially-distanced seating

Encourage contact-less transaction in ticket-purchasing

 Improved air ventilation

Availability of hand sanitizers at the cinema entrance

 Mandatory hand-washing every 30 minutes for cinema employees

Deep cleaning between screenings

 

And as the president of the Cinema Exhibitors Association of the Philippines said

“We have devoted the past 19 months of cinema closure identifying solutions and precautions based on science.  We will implement these measures to confidently welcome back movie fans to cinemas and send them home safe.”

So yes I'm definitely in favor of the reopening of the theaters, give them a chance to prove they can do this safely! An estimated 300K lost their jobs due to the cinema closures so this would help them.

It was already announced that November 10 would be the reopening date followed by Warner Bros Philippines announcing Dune will be one of the movies opening that day.

Rooting for a safe return to the cinemas!. 

Not Quite

 I asked a person in the know and he said to me that like almost all cinemas are still not open despite being allowed  because well basically they have no manpower anymore. And still waiting if they can remain open for good. A lot of cinemas invested in safety protocols back in February in anticipation of a March reopening and we know what happened with that. It really crushed the hearts of many workers. Now a lot of them aiming for November reopening if things can go well but they remain skeptical and that they will be closed again. Hopefully this will work out smoothly soon enough, for people to get their jobs back and restore the way movies are best seen. Safely of course! I heard that local movie distributors are already preparing their titles! Hoping for the best really

Reel

Big thanks to my video editor James patiently searching all the hard drives on my vault to compile the title cards of the all of the programs we aired on TeleNovela Channel Philippines Our little channel's history in the decade of its existence! I'm a proud channel coordinator! :)
 

Sent!

 Whew, that work task I procrastinated yesterday is finally done! I worked on it all day and finished just right now. But I didn't cram the work and I honestly said was very focused and didn't rush stuff. I was keen on the details because I don't want to mess this up as this could be a start for additional task that will honestly benefit me in the long run so hopefully my work will have good feedback so I can expect more to come!

A Little Pressure

 I was supposed to do a work-related stuff today but I put it off because I just want to relax for the day but tomorrow I NEED to finish this task which is halfway done so hopefully I can pull it off.  I need to concentrate so I can do it well. It's not an easy task to be honest and I really should have worked on it today. I feel guilty but I've worked hard this week so I justify my procrastination that I need some time to do something that can relax me! Hopefully, it won't bite me in the end. Can't afford to mess this up

Curtains Up

 Cinemas are finally allowed again in Metro Manila starting tomorrow. Only fully vaccinate can enter with a limit of 30% capacity. That's reasonable. I haven't read any report anywhere in the world linking an outbreak in cinemas so I think the risk is not as high as people feared because I've read some violent reactions with this. I understand the concern but how about giving the industry a chance to prove they can open safely too? Too many jobs lost already and having this industry finally opening up again will be a small but good help to all those who lost their jobs due to the closure to get it back again. 

Tantrum

 After a tiring commute because of rain and traffic, I got home facing stress. It's not a big issue but I had to deal with mood swings and really tested my patience. I almost lost it but was able to save a bigger problem in the end. It's so tough, I feel like giving up sometimes but I can't and won't do it. But I can't help feel this way each time I face a problem like this. Just tired and frustrated and sad and scared. 

Juggle

 Work from home today and it was quite hectic because our globe prepaid WIFI is having technical issues so the Internet is slow. Good thing we recently bought a Smart-PLDT prepaid WIFI too for backup so my nephew's online classes was not interrupted. I'm the one using the Globe WIFI and while it was spotty around lunch it eventually got better but still not as fast as it used to be. It has been an issue for 3 days now. I hope this is just temporary thing. Working at home ain't easy because in the middle I do house errands like buying meds and some stuff needed at home. Work load is quite hectic because I have another task on hand which I ain't complaining because it will be added income. Life is so hard so you really gonna make things work. Since we recently had retrenchment news too so I'm just thankful I'm not part of it. But still sad those who will leave in the coming weeks. There are just 7K reported cases today and hopefully start of the downward trend please

Caught a vibe

 Checked out what the kids are listening to these days and Meet Me At Our Spot grabbed me instantly at first listen! Apparently this song was released early 2020 but this live performance went viral on TikTok (which has become the hit generator of this era) and now the record label is now promoting it as official single now. The lady Willow, is Will Smith's daughter and had a hit novelty song Whip Your Hair when she was a child. What a total turnaround! Her voice is so good for alternative/rock genre!

10!

 The Cable TV industry is facing a lot of challenges these days so for our little channel to last this long is a blessing! I was not part of the channel's team from day one but I'm the longest at 9 years! I've learned a lot overseeing the channel's operations over the years. Thank you to all people I've worked with: the production assistants, video editors, producers, engineers, OJTs, our clients, our bosses, the pay TV operators and of course the viewers! Happy 10th anniversary TeleNovela Channel. We are seen on Sky Cable Ch. 81, Cignal Ch. 126, SatLite Ch. 92, Cignal Play Premium and various local cable operators nationwide 🙂

A little escape

 This afternoon I spent watching TV shows - Ghosts (US), The Other Two, The Conners, What We Do in the Shadows. All comedies because that's why I need right now. Light and easy to consume shows. I've also been watching documentaries on YouTube as of late Most if is about other countries, their issues and such. Maybe I just wanted an escape from this country's issues by finding out what's going in other countries. 

Noise

 The political talk very heated now on social media and hence I'm avoiding it. I'm just not in the proper mindset to deal with the stress of political talk right now. I wish I was eloquent enough to speak my mind in a way I could convince or at least make people ponder on their choices. But I'm not. I'm meek. I can get discouraged easily in heated talks. This time is tougher too so many  aggressiveness and obnoxiousness, I can't deal with it, I get anxious and stress and I have enough stress in personal life to add that. But I'm definitely scared how social media can affect voting choices. 

Rock

So on the last day of filing of those who want to run for office, there was a last minute "stunt", someone you didn't expect to run for the top position did and it honestly felt like a mockery. He was even a mess when being interviewed. But I'm sure some people found it funny. A lot of us suspect that this is just temporary, a placeholder for a substitution. Another stunt. Same playbook from the last time. Oh goodness, please not the same result too.

Pink

 Finally someone I like has made a decision to run for top position at next year's election. A quick scan of my social media and I see there's a lot of support but I won't be confident because the opponents are vicious and they are loud. I will be anxious until the results are in. I'm trying to manage my expectations but I really want a change to happen next year. I'm nervously hopeful. So tired of obnoxiousness and rampant anomalies center and front. Oh Dear Lord please guide the country to the right path. 

Clenched

 The filing of those who will run for the elections is making me so anxious! I'm just really scared those people will win again. You could feel how heavy their campaign on social media is, bot-like behavior now and of course they are clearly influencing the masses now. I overheard our van driver telling he would vote that person, I wish I was eloquent enough to speak out but I'm not. He is a very nice guy so you can't really judge their whole personality just because of this problematic politics. How many good-natured people could be influenced just like that? Oh Lord please enlighten the voting public, please.

Maybe next time..

 There's this buzz about this new Netflix Korean show Squid Game and isn't just here in Asia but around the world it has topped Netflix charts. Call it FOMO or what but naturally I got curious too but upon seeing the clips online, this show is not for me at this period of time. I sure get the thriller part of it but not too keen on watching a show about people experiencing so much misery. This isn't the escape I want right now. Life right now whether personal or national, there's just too much frustrations and fears that I just don't want feel or bad in my scripted media consumption for now. 

Frustrating

 Current news is so infuriating like this turn of events that a supposed whistleblower changed her story! But it's so predictable because she's now in the custody of their allies! I still can't believe that stuff like this that usually happens just on TV and movies are now happening in real life! I can't help but continue feeling hopeless 

Inadequate

 Yeah, one of those nights that I'm falling into deep into my insecurities and frustrations. I lack a lot of eveything needed in life and all I do is just whine about it. I have nothing to offer. When challenging times like this happen, I feel so helpless. I can only do so much with so little. 

Same Old

 So filing of candidacy started yesterday and all the usual stuff. Today there was even a stunt from someone saying he won't run, whatever! We already saw this same gimmick but of course there will be people who's gonna eat this up! Yes, I'm scared that there won't be a meaningful change next year. 

Shaky

 Found out that the company will lay off some people to cut costs. Oh well, times are truly hard and I really feel bad to those who will lose their jobs. This is the second time in my 12 years with the company that this happened. The last time though our company was saved from total bankruptcy when we scored a big client - ABS-CBN. While ABS is still our client but given their state as well, the projects we have with them are not as big as before. Yeah that's why I'll forever be mad to those who rooted for their franchise denial. There are rumors that we might move to a new office too although thankfully still in Ayala, Makati. I won't deny I feel worried. I hope we survive this soon enough. 

Extended

 Today was supposed to be the last day of registration for new voters as well as those who moved to new places or re-active theirs after skipping an election. But the unexpected turnout of people plus the loss of days due to lockdown has led to its extension until next month. I'm pleasantly surprised with how many people were willing to line up as early as dawn just to get registered. I hope I'm not romanticizing it but I feel like there's this clamor to seek a change after all that we have been through. I'm still trying to manage my expectation as the past 6 years have taught me well that things could really get to worst than one can imagine but I'm clinging to this ray of hope that I'm seeing. Oh Dear Lord please a positive change happen next year

Trying

 It's really unsettling to see fear in her eyes. This time I have to be the grown up and I'm not sure if I have what it takes. I'm somehow in denial of everything. I know and accept what the deal is but I'm not mentioning it because it just makes things feel more real. See this blog post, I'm being vague because I can't type out the true words because it makes me feel so sad and scared. I'm such a coward but still trying my best to be brave. I don't want them to feel how scared I am.

Constant Worries

 Nanay is having trouble sleeping lately again and it is mostly due to anxiety. She is just worried about her health constantly and it pains me to see her this way. Physically she's in good condition but she's currently just staying in her room as advised by her doctor. Radio and TV keeps her entertained but that can only do much because she's just not used to doing nothing so I get her frustrations. It is hard balancing comforting her but also being strict as well because sometimes she does not want to take some of her meds or wants to eat something not good for her. It's been really hard to be honest but we're making it work. Oh Dear Lord please bless my mother and soothe her soul. 

Shaken

 There was an earthquake around 1AM today, it was quite scary and woke me up from my sleep. It lasted only a few seconds but it was so memorable. Probably the hardest earthquake shake I've ever felt in my life. Thank God nothing bad happened. A life shattering earthquake is something I will never want in life

Alert

 I wish I could stop worrying. For now everything seems fine and that worries me because of what lies ahead. Too good to be true. I don't want to be too comfortable because I'm afraid of the possibility that I get caught off guard. I don't want to feel this way all the time but I need to be prepared nowadays. I hate living a life in fear of the worst case scenario 

Crucial

Presidentiables are popping left and right but I'm worried that this will just pave the way for them to remain in power. I'm keeping myself from obsessing about it too much because it ain't healthy. I already have a lot of personal things to deal with so no need to add more to my anxieties. But still I can't help worry where things will go. I hope this won't be a losing battle, we need meaningful change next year. 

Cable

 Real life is quite stressful these days but I'm managing things as best as I can. I'm doing a lot of work stuff lately and it's helpful to take my mind off my anxieties. Majority of my work load right now is watching/previewing TV shows. Mexican, Chinese and Filipino! It's so helpful to make me not dwell on negative thoughts! Speaking of work, new shows on TeleNovela Channel have occupied a lot of my time lately! The channel will turn 10 this year! I've been a part of this project for 9 years, supervising for  6 years. It's quite a miracle we are still here especially with many cable channels closing lately. The team working on this channel's operations is small and we have limited resources. Multitasking is the norm. I'm proud though how we manage to keep this running as smooth as possible despite the limitations. Over the years, I've worked with around 15 video editors and many engineers (mostly just e-mail / text interactions though since they are on a remote site). Also loved meeting the provincial cable operators during conventions which won't be happening anytime soon. Although the last cable convention in 2019 was smaller in scale compared before. Now with Solar channels down to 2, FOX international channels and many more  gone if there will be another convention some day it will be so different. But the cable business has changed too. More are pivoting to providing Internet as top service with pay TV just a side offering and not the focus anymore. 

It was a busy day today so I was just in random work-related nostalgic mode. 

Switch

 Nanay's blood sugar is now on a good level after skyrocketing last week but she does have mild anemia now which the doctors say is normal for a person who went through a major operation and blood transfusion. She prescribed vitamins. I've also learned Nanay's father, my grandfather who passed away way before I was born, also had anemia. Nanay got a little anxious although the doctor said not to. When she's anxious it's really a challenge to calm her down. Not gonna lie it really puts my patience to test. I have to be stricter with her too because sometimes she does not want to take her medicine. Back when I was a child she would reprimand me when I struggle drinking my medicines especially capsules and those syrup with awful taste. Things have changed now and sometimes I still feel uncomfortable in this position now. Says so much how I matured right. Anyway, my mother's health is my top concern now and please Lord keep her healthy. 

Results

 Tatay is fully vaccinated now with the hard to get Moderna! He was so happy that he got his Vaccination card laminated so he could wear it as an ID of some sort! It's a sigh of relief that he had added protection. Nanay's lab results are out too, I could understand one part of it which shows good development but of course I'm no medical expert so will have to wait for the doctor explanation tomorrow for her check up. Hoping all is good.

Worried/Relieved

Another test tomorrow and I'm really hoping and  praying for favorable results . I always get stressed but I never show it to avoid inciting panic but I struggle with this inner worries each time. Oh Lord please guide my Nanay.

Meanwhile, Tatay will get his second dose of the Moderna vaccine tomorrow too! I feel so happy that Tatay didn't have to wait a long time to get fully vaccinated especially since his vaccine is quite hard to get here. 

Losing It

 Stressed out once more as I deal with anxiety. Not just my own but loved ones as well. I feel like giving up sometimes but I can't. I won't . But it's really testing me to be honest, I feel like breaking down. I try to console myself that there are other worst case scenario to take things into perspective but during the moments like this when I face yet another stressful situation, it's so hard to handle. It's so hard to stay sane. But I can't break down. I just can't. I don't want to. 

Sting

Quite a stressful day as I once again became the middleman of two conflicts. The root of the conflict is a very small thing but I don't know people seek drama or pride just gets in the way. This has been so repetitive so the best thing that I do is just not added fuel to the fire because I just want peace of mind. It's so tiring and it does not help my toothache has returned. Dealing with today has been such a hassle

Blind

 My brother shared how he overheard some of his co-workers bashing the "opponents" of the current regime. They are believing everything he says even if is already blatantly obvious how shady the deals of the people connected to him. Despite everything that is happening their really is still a lot of people supporting him no matter what. I don't understand why. We just had over 23K cases today. Second highest of all time. I feel so hopeless

Dim

 Here at the office and done with today's work. I'm actually just killing time now because my carpool will arrive at 4:30 PM.  There are a few people left  and half of the office is dark with the lights turned off. A year and a half later and I still can't help but feel with this so-called new normal. I got used to how to work now in a pandemic but I still long for the "before" times. Friday is even quieter these days as seen in the streets of Ayala. A strike contrast pre-March 2020 where Fridays are so hectic! I miss it a lot now. When will this end? How will it look once the dust settles? So much certainty. 

What I Want This Christmas

100 days before Christmas! Another holiday season in this pandemic. Managing my expectations but hoping for the best. Praying for stress-free Christmas. I hope Nanay's recovery will continue and all other health threats will be squashed. Same goes in general to my family, save us from a life threatening diseases That's truly what I want for this Christmas.

Good Doctor

 Nanay's checkout went well but some lab results for her diabetes management needs some work to get it back to the level three months go but the doctor was so reassuring and answered our every inquiry very well. That's the kind of doctor I really like and you could see how Nanay is comfortable with her too. That's really important. Glad Nanay decided to continue going to this clinic where her records are there and the clinic is so good. The doctor that handled her diabetes concerns at the hospital where she had her operation has a schedule that's way too packed that when we had her post-operation checkup we waited for nearly 3 hours for her to arrive and past 5PM too! Not ideal and honestly during the consultation I felt like she was rushing us off because of the queue of patients. Major red flag and her consultation fee is 700! In our regular clinic it's less than 400 pesos. It really was a no brainer and glad I didn't have to convince Nanay  because she made the decision herself.  Getting a good doctor is so essential and glad we found one that Nanay trusts and makes her feel safe. 

Worries, Worries

Nanay's regular checkup for her diabetes tomorrow. I checked the lab results and while I'm no expert but since I've been accompanying her for over a year now I have some idea how it works and I think the results are something that we should be cautious about but of course will have to wait for the doctor's professional advice tomorrow. I'm preparing myself now though but hopefully my worst fears won't come to fruition. It's been a challenge monitoring Nanay's health these days. She does look okay and not frail but I do feel she's quite worried about her health. I hate to see Nanay in that state but still it could have been worst and she's still in better condition. Oh Lord please bless Nanay. Tatay too whose experiences arthritis too but he's quite active doing some household chores so that's good I guess. I'm 34 and it's normal stage of life now but I sometimes I still feel nervous and pressured about looking after my parents' health. It's been one heck of an emotional ride and still surviving the best way I can. 

No!

 Nanay had trouble sleeping last night and got so anxious. Tonight she's sleeping well. She will have some routine lab tests tomorrow. Hoping and praying for good results. I was glad one medical decision I really wanted to happen but she rejected initially will now happen as she changed her mind earlier. I do think it's for the best and Nanay realized that too. It's been a challenge handing her recovery but she's in good spirits and sometimes I forget her condition because everything feels normal these days. But sometimes negative stuff crosses my mind, imagining a bad scenario. It's so hard to feel this way but I'm trying my best to fight it off because right now there's no room for that kind of bad energy. No way. 

A1

 My laptop keyboard is having issues with letter A and number 1. Sometimes they don't appear as instant as it should. It's making some of my work quite a hassle. Yeah I really need a new laptop but I can't afford right now. Things like this makes me frustrated. What to do but deal with it the best way I can. It's still function decently but days like this makes me wish I'm in a better financial state. 

26, 303

 Record breaking COVID19 cases today in the Philippines! Meanwhile, admin is busy defending their shady deals in relation to the pandemic deals, attacking those who are scrutinizing their very very very questionable transactions. One official too was caught bad mouthing health workers for daring to demand what they deserve. We are truly living such horrible times. May pagbabago ba next year? Sana meron

Floating

 Went to the office today and definitely made the right call as I was so engrossed with work today that I didn't have time to linger on unhealthy thoughts. I definitely more focused when I'm at the office. More productive too. I can't work regularly at the office for a lot of reasons from financial to family matters to attend at the house and of course it still isn't safe with the never-ending nightmare of this virus. I don't really know when things can go back to how it used to be. Will it ever go back? I sure hope so. 

Overwhelmed

I'm trying to stay positive despite all the negative stuff surrounding me. It's hard really to have a happy disposition when I have so many worries in life. Personal to National. Maybe even  the world. I don't know why I feel this way. Drowning with so much anxiety but I need to stay strong. Being patient is hard as well. But I keep reminding myself about worst situation. I'm torn of whether to seek for personal happiness as well, I just can't right now. 

Necessary Distraction

 Typhoon hit parts of the country today. I was supposed to go to the office but didn't push through thankfully as commuting would have been extra hard. I'm a bit swamped at work due to an additional task but honestly I don't mind because it keeps me busy to not dwell with the frustrating news each day/ Things are so much worst right now that's really driving me mad. I'm so tired of feeling this way. God please help this country. 

Messy

 So after a backlash and a lot of concerns, Metro Manila won't go back to GCQ tomorrow. What a mess. Good thing I was so preoccupied at work today so I didn't have the time to bury myself deep into the ever confusing pandemic management. I'm really scared where we really are heading. So disorganized. 

Face palm

Over 22,400 cases today. All time high yet restrictions will loosen up in Metro Manila and then flights coming to the country will be more open than ever. I don't know that plan anymore. Is there a plan really? My brother told me a Facebook post of a college classmate where he is ranting about the VP, yeah of all the issues in this country, it's the VP she's ranting about because according to him all she does is to be a contrarian. . That person is an OFW by the way. He's not here experiencing the hell we are going through. This kind of thinking just makes me more nervous for next year's elections. God help us

34

 34 today. My birthday wishes are:

1. Good health for my family especially Nanay who is recovering from her operation last month 

2. This pandemic finally ends. 

3. Meaningful and sensible change for 2022.  

On Hold

Nanay is doing good so far recovering from her operation but we still need to get clearance from the doctor on what to do next. So we are still waiting but I'm hopeful that everything will be fine soon. But not gonna lie from time to time scary thoughts cross my mind but please Lord don't let my fears happen. 

20K

 Over 20K covid cases today, 2nd highest of all time. And you could feel how fast it is spreading now. I've known so many people who have caught it recently. Thankfully a lot of them vaccinated so it didn't get worst and mostly mild cases. But damn this is so scary. When will this end? I'm so tired of this feeling. 

Fighting Hopelessness

May 2022 scares me. They are just too powerful that they can still win or find ways to stay in power. Even with all the blatant faults and issues, they are unwavering and they still have support. They have mastered how to control everything that benefits them. I'm so scared of them staying in power but one thing I can't afford it to lose hope that we can still have meaningful change. They can't take that away from us. I feel so much despair but I can't let it affect how I view things in the future. Please I hope I'm not wrong.

VaxMas

 Received my second dose of the vaccine today and hopefully COVID and its Delta variant backs off! At the vaccination site earlier they were playing Christmas song. Yeah the ber months have started but it's an even harder sell than last year. It's gonna be hard to have the holiday spirit. The pandemic, the political situation dampens everything. But really as long as my family especially my parents are in good health status, I'll be so happy. Please Lord bless my family and guide my parents most especially