Monday, August 31, 2020

Battle Cry

So today, on the last day of the retrenched employees, ABS-CBN launched this music video "Tinig ng Nawalan" and it's such a powerful piece. It speaks a lot not just with what happened to them but also the general feeling of despair and frustration/

May alaala ang kasaysayan.

Sunday, August 30, 2020


 My video editor went to the office last week to hand out his resignation and collect his stuff. He can no longer go to work in Makati because he chose to stay with his family in Tarlac. Days before the quarantine was implemented he went back home and stayed there until last week when they rented a vehicle so he can properly hand out his resignation. I  expected it and totally understand his situation. In a crisis like this, you want to be with family. But to our surprise, the administration asked if he was willing to work from home! They consulted me actually if I could arrange a work from home setup and while to be honest it will be a little difficult to do but then again it's workable so of course I said yes. In this world we live in right an opportunity to secure employment is vital. I'm happy the administration was the one who offered the opportunity because it just shows great character really. I admit I had my fair share of complaints in my 11 years with the company but I always chose to stay despite of it because well the place is really a home to me.In this crisis, I even appreciated how our company took care of  us. I'm blessed I found a home here.

Saturday, August 29, 2020


I was talking earlier to a college friend  from my days at the school student publication about my beloved college course Broadcast Journalism getting dissolved for this academic year. We are trying to figure out why the school can't sustain the program anymore. The main reason given by the school administration was the financial effect of the pandemic which is understandable. I've read in the FB group of our program a post from a current student who shared that there are only 8 freshmen enrolled this upcoming school year and the school needed at least 20 to justify continuing the program. The second and third year students will continue but the freshmen were advised to shift course.  Reading the posts of the current students online, I'm impressed with how they are passionate to keep the program alive even writing directly to the admin making their case why the program should stay. I'm so far away from the university now to fully understand what happened but still, I wished the school tried to make it work. Was it really that difficult to keep the lights on?

But truth be told the lack of interest from the younger generation about the course is alarming The course has seen a major decline in the K-12 era. The current third and second year students combined is less than 40. When I was freshman we were near 40 in our block. So what's happening? It is because the lack of viable work opportunities in this field or simply disinterest especially in this era where people can self publish content online? Is there something wrong with media literacy in high school? Has social media killed traditional broadcast journalism?  You know the one that's analytical and not just doling out "content" as quickly and baity as possible to trend? 

I'm sad and bitter.

A part of my life is lost now.

Friday, August 28, 2020


 So on this day...

My course Broadcast Journalism was dissolved by DLSU-D due to small amount of freshmen who enrolled this semester.

All the regional editions of TV Patrol had their final broadcast today as the regional stations of ABS-CBN are closed now due to network's denial of franchise/

MOR 101.9 is having their farewell programming as I type this. But the jocks started saying their goodbye yesterday on their respective shows and I've watched all of it and saw a lot of DJs cry as they say their thank yous and goodbyes.

Not a good day for Philippine broadcast media. 


Thursday, August 27, 2020

A Good Heart

We have a new receptionist at the office today and when I asked her name I found out she's the wife of the recently deceased driver of our boss. His death was so sudden really, it's not because of COVID19 but he had a disease that he was hiding apparently from his family because he didn't want to be a bother until it was too late. One day he was rushed to the hospital and sadly he didn't make it. It was a heartbreaking story because he was still young (in his 40s) and he still has a family to raise. He was also a nice and cheerful guy. He is greatly missed. I'm very happy his wife is working with the company now. I'm sure our boss made it happen. If there is one thing that made me stay this long with this company because I respect our big boss a lot. He has a good heart. May God bless him.

Wednesday, August 26, 2020


Today the country's confirmed cases of COVID19 is now over 200K. No end in sight. Worrying. Frustrating. Infuriating.


 The weather is so humid today and it feels like we are back in summer. Now at night the humidity is just adding to the stress level I have right now. Actually the root issue is just a small thing but it's annoying me a lot but I have to be patient as always. So here I am just typing it all out away hoping that putting what I'm exactly feeling right now will help me relax and feel better

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

For Life


So one my childhood radio station is closing down this Friday although technically they have been off air since the ABS-CBN shutdown last May but they continue to broadcast via Facebook and their website but this Friday it all comes to an end. I became listener in the late 90s when it was still called WRR 101.9 All The Hits, All The Time and of course it was part of my childhood chart geek  era and I listened religiously to the Saturday Top 20 countdown with Martin D. I've witnessed the radio's various rebranding from For Life to Bespren to Tambayan and when it finally used the branding of the provincial ABS-CBN FM stations - My Only Radio. A college friend is one of their DJs and his journey was such a good one because he was a fan since a child too and the DJs knew him because he was an avid caller and occasionally visited the station . He did became a radio DJ for another station and made a name for himself but this was his dream station and it finally came true January this year and I'm sad it was cut short.

I've had my radio heartbreaks before (93.9 KC FM's demise, Delamar leaving Morning Rush, DJ Kelly leaving radio, Campus Radio dying twice) but this one hurts the most given the circumstance. I'll definitely listen to the farewell show this Friday. I truly hope and pray they will come back though someday.

Monday, August 24, 2020

Panic Comeback

 So yeah an hour ago, we had another medical panic because my mother couldn't sleep and she was worried her blood sugar is hig. Because of the stress my father was panicking so my mother got irritated and scolded him. Some good minutes of anxiety-driven arguments later we arrived at the nearby small hospital to have her blood sugar checked and thankfully it was at a normal level. We are at home now but I decided that tomorrow we will visit the clinic she regularly has her check up on. Well, next week was the scheduled for her tests anyway for her diabetes management so better have a check up again just to make things sure. It was a stressful night. I need to constantly remind myself to not let the anxiety win because I should be on top of things,I must be the sensible person, I have to be the rock they can lean on. It's so difficult because I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with it but I have no time to dwell on negative thoughts and just do it, just be the stronger one. 

Sunday, August 23, 2020

1 > 7

I've read today a tweet stating that the total confirmed COVID19 cases here this month already exceeded the total cases from the first seven months. We have over 94K in August compared over 92K combined from January to July. Very alarming and scary. The reported confirmed today is over 2K which is actually the lowest in awhile. We have gone from averaging 200 cases a day in summer to over 4K consistently the past few fays. I've learned to accept that life will never be the same again. I resent it but what can I do about it? I admit the past few weeks I've been avoiding to think about this pandemic anymore by choosing to focus my attention elsewhere. But you simply cannot escape this. I remain hopeful we can see the light soon even if I feel like everything is so chaotic with no clear direction to safety. I need to cling on to hope.

Saturday, August 22, 2020

A Good Kind of Suck

Thanks to the Emmy nominations it received this year including Outstanding Comedy Series, I checked out the series WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS. It's so hilarious! It's a mockumentary about 4 vampires and their human familiar living together. In a way, it's like a modern version of The Addams Family but bloodier! The writing is so sharp and most importantly the acting is top notch. My favorite character is Colin Robinson, an "Energy Vampire'. He is not your typical vampire because he does not drink blood and can be exposed in daylight. What he sucks is people's energy by boring and annoying people out! The show had two seasons so far with 10 episodes each so if you can, check it out!

Friday, August 21, 2020

Distance Learning

 So my nephew's Grade 7 class has started by receiving the video materials and the books.The videos  were given to my sister via a flash drive while also being available through Google Drive. My sister and my nephew are also part of official Facebook group chats of the school and class while there's also the official student online platform where modules are uploaded and the schedules of submissions and such are posted. I watched the videos, some are provided by a textbook supplier which are quite good and has the Encarta feel but what I really like the videos produced by the school themselves especially the Math one. The teacher was in the video while there's a Powerpoint slide presentation for the visuals of what she's discussing. The teacher's voice is clear and she conducts herself as if she was really in the classroom. It was able to dig up my Math nightmares memories too! I'm glad my sister enrolled my nephew in this school as they are really quite competent so far. It's very essential because this new system is such a big challenge. 

Thursday, August 20, 2020

Two Sounds of Silence

 Yesterday I had the chance to go to a chapel and a mall for the first time since March. The chapel I went to is actually closed but the design of the chapel is open-air so you could still see inside as you stand by the locked gate. It had a calming effect when I was there and began praying. We live in such uncertain times, the biggest life-changing event a lot of people are experiencing and sometimes your faith could keep help you to keep holding on despite everything that's happening. While we pray at home and watch the masses on TV, it's still different when you are there. 

When I entered a mall it really made me feel so sad because it's so empty. Not literally of course but this mall which used to be a busy one has very few people inside outside the employees. There are stores open but mostly with no one around. Out of curiosity, I checked out the cinemas and it's even more depressing as it is literally dark there as there were barely any lights on and the nearby food stalls and fast food were all closed as expected. It was also frozen in time when you see the movie posters around. It truly hit me that the moviegoing experience could really die. I hope it won't be the case. Countries like Japan and Korea who have theaters back in business are showing good signs of life in the box office so I hope it will be the case eventually worldwide but it's gonna be tough to convince people to go back. 

Another month is gonna end soon and we are entering the ber months still pretty much in a chaotic world so guaranteed the holiday season is gonna be different this year. Oh dear Lord please let us have holiday season the way we knew it or the very least not as restrictive that you can't feel the spirit anymore.

Wednesday, August 19, 2020


 So just a few minutes ago I found out that one major aspect in my life that I've been involved in for many years will likely be coming to an end. I won't go to specifics because it's not yet a sure thing and I could be jumping the gun. However, all signs are pointing to the doors closing. I didn't expect this to happen because I thought it will find a way to make it work like it always does. This thing had face so many obstacles in the past but it always finds a way to survive despite very challenging situations thrown at it. But sadly it can't survive this pandemic. I feel deflated because you know that thing has become a part of my life so for long and I devoted a lot of time, energy, and effort to it. Despite its many flaws, I loved it and it fulfilled one dream I have. Although I won't deny there are times before that I wished it was over so I can be free of the pressure but I know it was just the stressed soul talking and I really didn't mean it. I've would not be involved with it for so long if I didn't love it, right? But maybe as this door is gonna close maybe it will open doors. Or maybe reopen a door I thought I closed already. 

Tuesday, August 18, 2020

Back II

 The carpool driver texted me today telling me he's back in service tomorrow with the country easing the restrictions. He asked me if I would ride and I said yes. He texted in ALL CAPS!, He's excited I guess to go back to work after two weeks. I'm glad to have my regular carpool back. I'm so grateful with the company shuttle for the past two weeks but it was never gonna be a regular thing so I'm glad to have the carpool accessible once more. Also, glad more people will have their source of livelihood back again. The threat of the virus is always scary but we can't afford another total shutdown of the economy any longer. 


My nephew was shocked to see his former classmate in elementary added in their Grade 7 class online group. He's annoyed with him but treated him kindly compared to their other classmates so I said to him that he might have followed you in that school haha! I could relate so much because I had classmates in the past who were quite annoying but I was still very kind to them because in general they're really harmless and do not deserve to be treated rudely. I admitted they tested my patience too but whenever there's a choose your own group activity on school, they will lean on me and of course I accepted them. I remember one teacher told me that initially, he thought I was "like that" too but later on he realized that they just gravitate toward me because I'm patient and approachable.  I'm an introvert but I try not to alienate people. I never had a "barkada" to be honest but I like it that way, I can be friends with anyone and was never tied to one group. I do think people don't see me as intimidating so I can work with practically anyone. Flexibility and adaptability are so essential when you work. 

Monday, August 17, 2020

Early Morning Panic

 So yesterday I received a text about a very big and urgent work concern that really drove me sleepless. I admit this concern was because of something I overlooked so it really stressed me out. I had to go to the office today and it was raining hard as our shuttle heads to the office and it added to my anxiety really. Then we arrived at the office, it was locked as the one who usually opens the office couldn't go to work because his carpool was not available. The stress level was through the roof because that work concern was very urgent. The other person who has key arrived over an hour later! Once we got in I immediately went to the editing computer and gathered the stuff I needed. This urgent concern also made three other people come to work earlier than they normally do to help out. Thankfully, the concern was settled around 9AM! Nabunutan ako ng tinik. I really appreciated how everyone was helpful. You know I admit I like working alone but you really need to know when to get help and not be shy about it. Also, learn to admit your mistake. I was careful not to give excuses and I also appreciate the fact the managers didn't give me a hard time even though they got stressed as well. I know I'm lucky because other people would have berated me. I had my experiences of that as well during my early years at work, I even had one shouting match to a co-worker that led me to walk out HAHA! I would never forget that. That's really the only instance I ever lost my cool at work and got visibly angry. Of course that incident was a learning experience and that person I argued with became a good friend through the years (she resigned last year).  Anyway, hopefully I won't experience that kind work-related stress again..I need to be alert all the time and be extra mindful to avoid being in that situation.  

Sunday, August 16, 2020


 Today is my nephew's 12th birthday. Time flies. He's gonna be a teenager next year. I'm just grateful he is healthy and generally happy kid.  May God Bless him more.


I woke up with a clogged nose. Before it's nothing to be alarmed about but not anymore in this era. Fortunately, I feel better now and no coughs or fever or anything very scary. The anxiety drove me nuts really. 


Received a text about a work concern that is driving me nuts.

Saturday, August 15, 2020


 It's now mandatory to wear face shields while on public commute and  at work. Personally, I'm fine and I do wear face shields when I'm outside anyway. However, today I went out to buy my parents' medicines and found out that the drug store won't let out anyone without face shield. Again, I do wear one already so it was not an issue but just surprised that stores could now be doing the same. I guess it just bothers me that it has come to this, the situation is this terrible that face shields are now gonna be a regular thing like face masks. Yesterday, there were over 6K cases again. It's midway of August. We will start the BER months still in such precarious situation. I'm guessing the stricter quarantine in Mega Manila will be extended. How are business and jobs gonna survive? Terrible time and it feels so endless. 

Friday, August 14, 2020

TeleNovela Channel Philippines General Plug 2020

I just tried the "blog this" button on YouTube so might as well make it today's post😂! I'm studying our channel's YouTube channel which has existed for several years now which was really just used to upload videos for promotion. Now we will try if we can get monetized. Well, actually we applied already but got rejected because there's no "original input" on the videos we uploaded. The freelance social media manager who handled this is no longer working for us so I was asked to check this one and see what could we work out. The channel has 17K subscribers so there's a potential. I'm still a noob when it comes to this though but I have to learn now.

Thursday, August 13, 2020


While I was walking to our subdivision earlier, I saw two older kids collecting kalakal (junk they can sell) who were then chastised by a barangay officer because they are not allowed to go out under quarantine rules. I heard one kid telling the official that they will go home now as they already collected enough for the day. I continued walking so I didn't get to hear what happened next. But when I was near the subdivision's gate, I looked back to see what happened to them, I saw the officer was still talking to both kids but later on he left and so did the kids. I know the officer was just doing his job but I can't help but feel sad because that incident is like a gut punch. I feel that unlike other kids they don't really have the  privilege to stay at home and they need to find a way to earn a living. Life before this pandemic was already hard what more now. School is another issue for sure, will they be able to go back to school especially with the online/blended learning setup? How many more kids will be deprived of education because of what's happening? I sometimes want to avoid thinking about these matters because I just end sad and frustrated but I can't help it because life will find a way to remind you that the problem is too severe to not to care. 

Wednesday, August 12, 2020

One Hundred

My 100th post this year. My most active blogging year since 2013 when I was still doing Chart Recaps! I initially just wanted to blog to document my life in lockdown but later on it helped me process my rollercoaster of emotions because of all that's happening in this country and the world.  I've been so used to tweeting the past few years but now I feel like this blog is the safer place to share what I am feeling.  It also has been a good writing exercise as well. And boy I do need to polish my writing skills. I often myself editing after initial publishing because I spot so many errors and incoherent thoughts. I've noticed how I often use same words twice in one sentence! Write, publish, edit, publish, edit, publish! Of course there are times I don't bother to check for errors if I'm overwhelmed with emotions and sometimes just plain laziness. But I did realize during this time that I really need to strive to be better  and not just settle for mediocrity. One can only improve if you acknowledge the mistake and not be in denial about it.

It's been a pleasure to blog frequently again. My day is not complete without posting something here. I hope to continue doing this and write better essays along the way! 

Tuesday, August 11, 2020


 For the first time ever I edited a Wikipedia article! Well, it's the channel I handle for work. I just updated it because it's been months since it was last updated. Truth be told, no one in our company created that page or updated it before. Must be just a viewer but no false information was posted so we just let it be. It didn't do harm anyway. I also often use it as a reference for the timeline of the programs that aired on the channel! That's actually why I made a Wikipedia account using the official e-mail of the channel when I saw that the programming timeline was not updated. Upon editing the page, I checked the history to see who was editing, and true enough it was one of the viewers who also posted before on the channel's Facebook page. I clicked his account and HE WAS BANNED! Apparently, he made sock puppet accounts! I guess it was an IP ban. Oh well!

Monday, August 10, 2020

Health is Wealth

 My uncle is in better condition now and will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow. Thank you Lord. Honestly, yesterday's incident left a really a mark me. Just like when my mother lost consciousness in the bathroom a few months ago. It's so surreal to see the strong figures of your life in such weak moments. I was worried for my father too, he is already a worrywart on a regular day then this year seeing your wife and youngest brother have medical crisis will raise the anxiety level to a different degree. I was worried for his health so I was always on alert assisting that he does stretch himself too thin. Thank God my mother's health is better now and hopefully my uncle will recover quickly as well. I also pray hard to keep Tatay healthy as always. Health is Wealth seems to be one of those cliches you use to say when people ask you what's your motto in life but as years pass and you see people in medical emergencies, you would really feel the value of it. I pray to God as well that I will stay healthy as well. 

Sunday, August 09, 2020

2020 Won't Stop

Late this morning my cousin rushed to our house to inform us my uncle couldn't speak although he is conscious. Tatay and I rushed to their house and it was so unforgettable because we were all crying as we are trying to talk to him but he was just sitting but would not respond. He would just look at us and we hear nothing but moaning. Good thing their neighbor who has an emergency van was there so we were able to rush my uncle to the hospital. When we got there he was immediately admitted and we found out he had very low sugar that's why he was acting that way. An hour later my uncle regained consciousness and according to my aunt who was with him (only one companion inside the hospital due to pandemic restrictions) he had no memory of what happened today. He was actually shocked to wake up inside a hospital. In a way, it's good thing he has no memory of what happened earlier because it was so traumatic really. It would not help him. My cousin said that uncle had been feeling not well for weeks already but he would rebuffed any suggestion of going to the hospital because of COVID19 fears. I totally get him but his body basically made the decision and forced him to go to the hospital. Thank God, he is in better condition now. He is confined in the hospital for observation. What a day really. Getting sick in a pandemic is extra complicated and raises the stress level. This year is so challenging. Lord please better days ahead. 

Saturday, August 08, 2020

Just One

 My brother shared to me a story that he went to a mall earlier this week and it was a ghost town. The atmosphere is so sad and while there are stores open, barely any people are inside. The reason he went to a mall because he saw a vlog telling that one shop there is selling top brand rubber shoes heavily discounted. I told him maybe the store is just clearing out the stocks because they will close. He does not know and he didn't even ask when he went to the store. True enough the rubber shoes are on sale. But not surprisingly, he was the only one there. My brother got conscious thinking if the employees were judging why on earth is he buying shoes in the middle of this crisis . Well, I told him I think they were thankful there's a customer and  a sale. I've never been inside a  mall since March 15, the last day of the normal we knew. I admit I miss strolling in one, walking aimlessly sometimes just to kill time. I like malls that are busy, with many people because I feel sad whenever I see empty stores thinking their business will go under soon. Now malls are clinging on to dear life. Definitely something I didn't expect anytime soon. 

Friday, August 07, 2020


Philippines is now #1 in Southeast Asia with the most number of confirmed COVID-19 cases with nearly 120K cases. Health officials say to be careful comparing it to other countries because of population and number of tests done. Regardless of relative comparison, it is clear that the situation is NOT GOOD and VERY ALARMING. While some countries are now on the record to recovery, we are still far away from that. So frustrating. Five months and we are still in such dire state. 

Thursday, August 06, 2020

A Ride

Grateful I was able to work at the office for my 'regular quarantine' schedule of Tuesday to Thursday this week. Still not sure if there will be shuttle service again next week because it really depends if the admin personnel will need to go to the office next week. I hope she does so I can go to the office again although if that won't be case, I was able to prepare all the assets for broadcast until September. Life under the stricter quarantine again is such a challenge but I hope this will be worth it, may cases stop rising.

I hope all the sacrifices made by a lot of Pinoys will not be wasted. Yes, we are known to be resilient but everything has a breaking point.  

Wednesday, August 05, 2020


When I got home and tuned it to the news I was shocked to see what happened to Beirut, Lebanon today. The explosion captured on video looked so surreal! As I type this, there's no official confirmation yet what is the cause of the explosion but what is known is that several have died and are missing. This year just continues to be horrific.

Tuesday, August 04, 2020


First day of the return of stricter quarantine and thankfully the company had shuttle service for today. One of the admin personnel who resides in Imus needs to go the office today so other employees residing here in Cavite were able to join as well. I was fetched directly at our house and was also taken home exactly here as well. It was convenient actually and also safe since it lessened my contact with outside people. Just office and our house. The usual people in the office were actually there since a lot of them go to work via a bike or motorcycle. Anyway, I worked my ass off today because I was thinking this is my only chance to go to the office during this quarantine period so I need to edit a lot of videos and I was able to secure materials for airing until third week of September. Later on I found out that the admin personnel needs to finish some stuff tomorrow so there will be another shuttle service for tomorrow and of course I will go because I need to finish editing videos that can secure the entire programming of my channel for September, if I can October as well. You'll never know how long will this last again. But I really hope it won't be extended beyond two weeks. However, today the reported confirmed new cases is a new single day record 6,352. Oh boy. Lord help us.

Monday, August 03, 2020


While a lot of us were asleep earlier, the government declared that NCR and neighboring provinces are back to stricter quarantine measures. I can no longer go back to the office again. I'm not even sure how or if office operations can actually resume. I'm devastated. I understand the plea of the medical frontliners of course but still, I can't help but feel so anxious because this is hard. Back to stressful restrictions again. Back to shutting down the majority of the economy. Back to intimidation. Back to a greater feeling of uncertainty. Back to more chaos. Back to more fear. 

I wish I can turn back time. 

Sunday, August 02, 2020

Never Ending Cycle of Despair

COVID19 infections in the Philippines crossed over 100 thousand cases today with a single day high of over 5,000 new confirmed cases. Medical frontliners and health workers are calling for the return of stricter quarantine measures in Mega Manila as the health system is already overwhelmed. I totally understand their case as I know people in the industry experiencing this.
However, I also worry a lot if another major lockdown happens. Even under this GCQ, a lot of companies and business are barely hanging on. One more major lockdown will be a big blow or worst a death sentence.

What is the right balance? I don't know. I'm so anxious. 

Saturday, August 01, 2020

And it goes on

The COVID19 cases here in our barangay have risen to more than 20. Mostly from people who got tested by the companies they work for. Majority are also asymptomatic so thankfully no fatalities and hopefully it will stay that way. The country will near 100K cases soon. Things have gotten worst. Yet seems like we won't go back to stricter quarantine measures like from March toMay. Not gonna lie, I'm thankful for that because I want to continue going to work at the office. I want to have a semblance of normalcy really. However, I stay worried about everything. I stay paranoid all the time. I have so much anger as well because with the way things are handled, the way this could have been prevented from getting this bigger, the way there are so many distractions, the way some still couldn't see what's wrong , the way situation is being used for other intentions. It's so exhausting really. But I always remind myself to continue fighting on. To continue praying as well. Not gonna lie I feel so hopeless and question everything. But I know in my heart things really have to get worst before it gets better, the dark times are needed to appreciate when there's a ray of light and we go back to how it used to be. Each day is a lesson that will build one's character.  Just hold on. Don't let it beat you.