Straightforward

 Problems at home. Now problems at work. I can't catch a break. The last time I had a difficult Christmas season was over 10 years and I survived. Hopefully, I survive this again. I've already decided not to go to the Christmas party this year for the first time ever. Simply because I don't want to go home late anymore for various reasons.I  just don't want the stress of holiday traffic to add to my mounting pile of stressors. 

Jaded

 I was on a bus when the earthquake hit this afternoon so I didn't really feel it but then again I had a lot of things in my mind that I probably just didn't notice it. So many problems. I'm having a hard time.

Great Story

 I'm not really in the holiday spirit but I always look forward to the ABS CBN Christmas Station ID song to boost my mood somehow and yet again, they didn't miss again this year

Pile Up

 I have so many things on my mind now. I can't focus at a time that I really need to. So many things troubling my head. What a pain. What a miserable life I have now.  And this being the holiday just adds more sadness because there's just nothing I can feel excited about. There's so much dread. 

Sit Still

 Made a mistake and let my emotions get the best of me. It's hard to stay patient under this circumstance. Some of the pressure I feel is self-inflicted so I have no one to blame but myself and now I affected another person along the way. Oh Lord, this is really hard but still thankful for this chance and I really hope I, we, can find a way to balance things out and not suffer from the pressure of it all

Canvas

 Busy weekend ahead, I need to pull off a semi miracle but hey let's do this! I need all the concentration I can get. I set myself up for this really and was at fault too because I let myself get distracted but can't afford to do so now. I really hope I can make it work

KN

 So I was busy today and I wanted to be productive again at night but this entertainment news caught my attention! Because the impact is massive! It's a pop culture moment! Honestly, I do need something inconsequential as distraction to real life struggles!

Wrapped 2023!

 My Spotify Wrapped 2023! I'm an Olivia Rodrigo stan, Gen Z whew hahaha

Top Artists

1. Olivia Rodrigo

2. Taylor Swift

3. SZA

4. Lauv

5. Westlife

Top 10 songs

1. bad idea right - Olivia Rodrigo

2. vampire - Olivia Rodrigo

3. Steal the Show - Lauv

4. Kill Bill - SZA

5. love is embarrassing - Olivia Rodrigo

6. Raining in Manila - Lola Amour

7. New Cool - The Cast of Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies

8. Don't Let the Light Go Out - Panic at the Disco

9. Fighting Myself - Linkin Park

10. Forget Me - Lewis Capaldi

Top Podcasts

1. Who Weekly - discovered this year! Podcast about Hollywood Z listers

2. Dear MOR - local audio drama

3. Ang Walang Kwentang Podcast - local pop culture podcast

4. Rotten Mangoes - true crime stories weekly that I discovered this year, really good storytelling from the host

5. The Hollywood Reporter's TV's Top 5 - whew!

Vision

It's hard to see the struggle and I sometimes I do get lost with it all. I always remind myself how the close calls were to take me back to the reality that despite the situation, this is still better than the worst outcome. I really hope and pray for strength for everyone involved as this is really a tough one

Just

 Today was a holiday in advance! This is not the official day but the no-working thing was held today for long weekend economics whatsoever. I would normally go the office today because I do like the commute during a holiday like this. I chose not to. I decided to give myself a break and do nothing of significance. I need it to clear my head. It won't solve my problems but it gave me room to breathe. 

Mixed

 Some days are okay, some are not. I always have to remind myself to keep the faith because I'm the one who easily breaks internally. That's why I chose to step back a little and keep others ahead because sometimes the pressure is just too much for me to handle, I'm drowning in misery and fear. Oh dear Lord, please hear our prayer

The Sad Truth

 It was just a temporary reprieve and we are in a rough position now. Scary times and we don't know how can address it properly. There are just so many factors involved preventing us from doing some things. And honestly, there's just distrust that it could further escalate rather than help. It's so hard

Hanging on

 It is getting hard lately but I need to be strong, I need to be brave. But I really hope to see some light soon, a hope to cling on to.

Fan

 The office aircon broke today so yeah it was quite uncomfortable! There are other rooms that have aircon so they just opened the door but still it wasn't enough. I hope it gets fixed soon, I seriously can't work properly if it's humid

Tired

 I'm quite tired and scared and worried. But I need to march on and do everything I can to keep everything together because I can't manage not to do so. Oh Dear Lord, please guide and help me

Cling

 The fear is setting in again. I am afraid to leave because of the very bad images I have in my head

Not Over

It's still far from over and there are still so many things to worry about but I always remind myself that we were once again so close so I have to be stronger and be grateful my prayers were heard. I still live in fear each day but I need to muster the strength to fight back

Miracle

 Thank you Lord for once again giving us a chance. And we will do our best not to waste this opportunity. I was so scared but thankfully so many people prayed because I was losing faith and hope. Thank you so much!

Cowardice

The thoughts on my head are insane. A disgrace. But this is really how I'm dealing with this problem I am facing right now. Call it defense mechanism, call it giving up, call it pathetic. I want to cling on to hope but it's tough for a serial pessimist like me that's why I want to step back so I won't affect anyone with my negative thoughts. 

Signs

Denial. Resignation. Pain. Devastation. Regrets. Desperation. FEAR. I want to feel numb, I'm acting like I am, But I'm not devoid of emotion. I'm overwhelmed with conflicting emotions at the moment. I dread what is ahead. Very scared. 

No, no

 I fell into the nostalgia rabbit hole moments ago and it was bad. I had a feeling of emptiness after it. Because that particular nostalgia was leading to an end and it was not good. I hate this feeling. Please don't let this feeling of dread go to some place bad

Pienso

 Glad to have some good news on the horizon but other things in my life are on shaky ground. I continue to be scared but I must keep on fighting even if thinking about all the things in my life right now is driving me insane. 

Fuse

There are a lot of things in my life that's stressing me out from little stuff like office internet speed so low to my phone's battery acting up to more major life concerns  that's bugging me so much right now.  Everything is not working the way I want it to be. The way I hope it would be. I'm so frustrated and maybe even depressed now at this point? So much anxiety is making my life so difficult to deal with

Weak

 Seeing the weakness and vulnerability breaks my heart. I almost want to give up but no I can't, I shouldn't, I don't want to. But it's really hard to see this in real-time. Oh Lord, please give us a miracle

Jitters

 It is starting again.  Something is different. I have an idea what it is but I'm scared to confirm it. I'm in a daze. So scared. Please Deard Lord, don't let it happen again. 

Sullen

 I wish there was something I could be excited about again. Enveloped with fears and worries, I'm struggling. I've been binge-watching a sitcom I have fallen behind when I got really preoccupied. Now I had the time to sneak some time to go for escapism which was effective for quite some time but didn't really last long enough to get me out of this modd I'm in. I hope there's something that can cheer me up soon. 

The Theme

 For the first time in a long time, I have nothing. I had something but I gave it up for "the better good" and yet I felt like I was questioned again. There was an acknowledgment of the things I did and an apology for making me feel bad but the damage has been done. My psyche is such a mess now. It was just not a good week for me in so many ways so it didn't help that I was questioned even I did something with good intentions earlier on. My mind is going to such dark places, it's driving me insane. Oh Dear Lord, let there be light please. 

Not again

 Even though you try your best to help out, efficiency will still be questioned because others can't catch up.  No time was wasted, everything pushed through without a hitch so what's the problem here? Why are there questions again? Making you feel like you did something wrong. It's as if you were flaunting luxury or delivering poor quality just to make things pop. But just in case, you are ready to prove your case because the need is there, you need to suck it up

Devastated

 I regret being scared of facing it when I knew it would catch up with me eventually. I just delayed but it never solved anything. I just delayed the pain and remorse. 

I regret wasting resources for those two stupid months because of me thinking it would make me happy but it didn't, it made things worse. I wish I backed down and saved it for better use which I feel is coming soon.

I'm so sorry. I had it coming.

Ponder

 I miss my young adult days when I had fewer real-life problems. Back then I had so much idealism. Now, it's all about survival. It's so tough. But I still cling on to any glimmer of hope. I must.

Deflect

 Scary signs. It's all over again. I'm so frustrated and lashing out to myself for the most part but I sometimes can't hide it fully anymore. I wish I was firm in handling this challenge but I am not. I'm falling apart. 

Sins

Closed out a project today and it was a journey to finish it today so many stressful things going on at the same time. I need to contain myself, I'm going a bit insane but still trying to keep things to myself to avoid further escalating things. Anyway, I liked this project and hopefully there's more to come!

Balance

 I can't deny it, it's happening. The deterioration has started. It will be painful to witness.  I can't accept it but the signs are there. I'm getting defense at the wrong ways. I need to divert my attention or else I'll lose my mind. 

Alone

 It's back to the office today and I'm all alone. Well, it's not surprising because after a 2-day holiday, people just filed leave for Friday. But I'm the type who likes going to work on "odd" days like this, Commute is a breeze and I like the general calmness of everything. There will be other people coming later but good thing I secured the office keys for today so I can enter already because I go in early. I'm quite productive already before it was 8AM. And now I'm in another pensieve mood. Thinking about a lot of my worries while I'm on my lonesome though. Deep in rhought and trying to contain my anxiety. 

7k

I need to power through for that thing I want. I got lazy yet again but there's just no adrenaline rush to push things but I need to make things happen today because I have no choice! Why do always I get myself on this kind of thing? It's such a cycle

Little

I planned to do something but I only started it then drifted off to be far from what I was hoping to accomplish. It's not urgent but I want to be ahead but I really got lazy and just want to do not so serious things. Anyway, tomorrow I hope to finish this one

Deep Regret

In times like this when I feel some struggle, that mistake haunts me again. I was so stupid, letting myself fall into a trap I should have seen coming. Oh well. I hope I'll be able to bounce back from that mistake. I'm surviving of course but I really wasted the buffer I had because of selfishness. 

2 days

 Only two work days this week tomorrow and Friday. Some filed leaves for that I didn't. I have things to do and honestly look forward to them, I was planning to get some work done today during election day off but did absolutely nothing. I guess let's say this is me recharging! Or just being lazy! But I'll be back in work mode tomorrow the  2 day break which will still have me working too!

Proud

 So proud who has a hit podcast on Spotify Philippines - KILABOT: Pinoy Horror Stories! This cousin has always been a radio fan and wanted to be DJ while that didn't pan out, he found the platform where he could pursue his dream and I'm so proud he was able to do so. How I wish Tito Romy is still with us to see how successful his son is but I know he is proud up there.

Above

 You always have an idea of what the situation is and you get testy because you are afraid but at the end you need to face it anyway and deal with everything. You just hope things will get better or at the very least stable in a way that you could live a less frightening life each day.

Stepping back

 I'm a mess and to protect myself and others from the harm it can cause, I'm just going to take myself out of this situation for a very short time so I can cry it all out then I'll keep the facade of being strong. I will be vulnerable for awhile so I can be a braver person later because it is apparent that I can stop this anymore. I knew it was coming, I was trying not to think about it much but here we are. Oh dear Lord please guide me to be3 strong in all aspects

Incospicous

 Here I go again with this uneasy feeling. I want to shake it off but my mind is going crazy. So many fears that result in to blame game which shouldn't be the case. I do keep it inside because I don't want to add further stress,  But bottling it up inside is making me go insane. It's hard to concentrate when I'm very bothered and very worried about things I can't control. I don't want this feeling anymore but I can't escape from it,.

Complex

 I'm so conflicted about what to feel. I don't want to feel dismissive but I can't help but feel this way again. It's hard to be calm when you need to be the strong one. I try to think about other things to distract myself but the worries keep coming back and it will probably never end. I want to be the source of comfort but how can I if anxiety is killing me inside? Lord, help me.

Due

 My mind is racing with negative thoughts. Here and there. As usual, I jump right into the negative timeline. I need to step back before I affect other people and make them feel bad. I need to contain this feeling of skepticism and helplessness. I can't be that person who crumbles.  

Blurry

 The bad feeling I have I think I don't know is really manifesting. Oh Dear Lord, please no.  I'm so scared right now. I feel like there are signs coming and I really want to dismiss it but I'm so scared, I can't function anymore. How tough can I still stay. 

Hole

 I was planing to do something in advance but eh got lazy and just went to do nothing of significance aside from family responsibilities. It's quite a stressful time here at home so I need to detach myself so I can be numb. It wont last I know but I need a breather from all of this so I won't feel resentment for a long time. I need to focus on what's valuable so I won't have regrets when some bad thing lingering in my mind really happens

Tolerate

 I kept quiet about some lingering things because  I didn't want to stress about it. Life is too complicated already for me to stress about things that happen regularly anyway. You just accept things don't really change. 

Stifle

Sometimes I just don't want to go here because problems of all sorts welcome me. There's nothing I can do but absorb all the negative energy. It's suffocating but I can't complain. I can't make a comment. Just be silent, let them unload while you just take it in. Maybe cry silently 

Lingering

 Tomorrow unless something bright happens, I have to resort to a backup plan. Oh well, all things considered still OK. But during these times, I can't help but remember that fatal mistake a few months ago. If I didn't succumb to my impulse. I would be much okay today but hey at least still thankful I woke up even if it took a hard nudge for me to realize that I can't keep going. Sometimes you really to struggle to learn the hard lessons

Lens

 While eating at my favorite fast food near the office, I noticed that there is a new crew and he really looked young. Looks like it was his first time so he was a bit slower but good thing no other customers were complaining or making a scene to make things stressful. I did think about his age, and I think he really is just the same age of the usual people working at fast food but now that I'm a full-grown adult and a generation away from the young generation, my perspective changed and I see these young adults as really young or kids now. One of those moments where you feel your age already. I try to be tough and not be a softie anymore but I can't help but feel sentimental for the young generation especially those in the working class. Life is tough. I knew it now. 

Move

I'm still hoping for this thing to have some development already. I've been worried about it for so long but I still keep on hoping each week for some news but nada. Hopefully, the news will come this week or at least before the month ends just to secure stuff. The waiting has been really a rollercoaster for me.  I wish I didn't know about this like before but it's better than being oblivious. 

No, Please

 Seeing signs again of a potentially alarming situation. I'm scared again. I hope whatever negative thought I have right now will not happen. I'm just trying to keep it in and not panic. Oh boy

Life

 I'm so stressed because I feel like nobody cares as long as they unburdened themselves and let the shock absorber deal with everything, suffering inside but you can't speak it up because you don't want to make things a lot worse. You have to be a rational adult, you have to understand where they are coming from. Thinking back on the several mistakes I committed a few months ago, I would still continue doing that thing if I didn't get a huge wake-up call. That mistake gave me a temporary escape from my reality but still glad I was able to get that out of my system before more significant problems could set in and that's the last thing I need in my already miserable life. 

Remove

 I'm sick of being on the receiving end of other people stressing out. But I really have no choice but sweep things under the rug and just not make any comment not to aggravate things. I feel so trapped times dealing with so  many burdens I never thought I would actually be carrying at this point of my life. But it is what is is and I just have to deal with the best that I can do

Stare

 There's an international crisis right now that I've been sort of avoiding reading because it's stressing me out thinking of scenarios. I care but I know I am powerless. It sucks and I hope and pray we will never experience that kind of horror in our lifetime.

60

 Here I go again spiraling out instead of being more caring. But I do care of course, I've been doing the heavy lifting the past few years and I have no regrets. But it's just that my fears can really get me at times. I feel sorry after having mini meltdowns in my head. It's just hard really but I can't break down. No, I can't lose it. Dear Lord please give me strength and help me ease my worries

Alarming

 So much vulnerability around me right now. I'm quite scared to be honest. I need to stay strong. I need to stay focused. I must try to keep my spirits up. I need to muster all the energy I can to not crumble to the overwhelming worries clouding my mind. So help me God.

73

 Looks like another hectic weekend ahead but you know a door was opened so why not? I need it really especially with some things lately reminding me how integral it is in my life now. It's stressing me out but I'm trying to shove it down because this isn't the time for me to dwell on it. I have bigger things to work on

Tri

I did a LOT today but at least I'm now down to one major thing I need to finish by Wednesday! My mind was so busy because I had to do some other things to but hey this is good and hopefully there's more to come. 

Ant

 Yes, I made it! I was able to finish what I needed to take care of. Why do I have to do this in such a buzzer-beater kind of way again? I was really focused though and didn't rush things even if I wanted to because I can't bear to give something substandard. Oh well still busy days ahead but I am ready to face it

Ambivalent

 Another struggle. I know what I should do but my mind is putting it off. There's just something in me that's not clicking I guess. Hopefully tomorrow I can do so much better. I HAVE to really.

Woohoo

 Another busy weekend but grateful really! It's a really good thing that I like this current project I'm doing so even if has a tight schedule and quite challenging too creatively speaking, it's so fun! I hope I will be able to pull this off and fight the allure of procastination! 

Molehills

I made the right to just let something that annoyed me deep inside. I was just being sensitive and good thing my rational side prevailed. You really have to understand where people are coming from sometimes. It will likely happen I guess but I will always do my best to handle things well and not make things blow up unnecessarily. 

Flicker

I am currently doing a project that I really love! I hope I can see it when it's out already. But I'm getting ahead of myself because we are just basically starting but with a very rapid turnaround! It's such an interesting concept and got me hooked so doing it doesn't feel much work. I enjoy it probably a little too much that I might forget to do some of the things I need to do in lieu of work! 

Bottle

 I'm not a person that chases drama. I don't need that kind of stress in my life. As long as I can, I stay away from it. But yesterday I had another trigger. My rational side understands everything hence I try to act normal and unbothered. But deep inside I'm so offended. I know nothing good will come out of it if I speak about it, so I'm just trying to let it slide. Controlling what I truly feel is hard and eating me inside. But I have no choice but march on regardless. 

Nah

 Oh here again, I'm the one who's going to adjust. It's as if I'm not actually doing a big help too. Oh well, what else can I do, right? It really annoys me but it is what it is. 

Nokia 106

 Bought tatay a new phone. Still the basic keypad phone. We tried to give him a smartphone 2 years ago but he didn't like it and reverted to using his old phone. That old phone's battery died so finally bought him a new one. Nokia brand still. He's a text and call guy anyway and wants long battery life. Nokia basic phones are still dependable on that regard, one full charge can last almost a week!

Read

 I went off work early yesterday fearing heavy rains but when I was at the One Ayala bus station, I decided to look around what shops are now open and saw Fully Booked and randomly bought a book! 56 by Bob Ong! Prior to this, the last Bob Ong book I bought was Kapitan Sino. I used to collect Bob Ong books along with Pugad Baboy, Kiko Machine, Beerkada Young Blood, and Jessica Zafra. A collection started in High School until the early years of working. I stopped when life got in the way. I was reading 56 inside the bus while stuck in traffic and this is the kind of collection of personal essays that I really love reading. I really need to go back to reading again and not just scrolling aimlessly on my phone during idle times. 

Stare

 Recurring worries are bogging my mind right now. I feel so exhausted to be honest. I don't know what to do anymore. But I always need to carry on and fight every struggle. I guess this is what being an adult really is. I'm so down again. But hopefully, it's just a momentarily feeling. The last time I let this feeling, I went on to do things that I thought would make me happy but did nothing but give me more regrets. Oh  dear heavens help me please

Hey

Another week where there's no progress on some things. It is so sad but you need to hold on to that hope that things you wish for will finally come true. I hope it's pretty soon. I've been panicking already but I really need to chill. So good thing I made myself sure I will be occupied so I won't constantly think about it

Dice

Rolled the dice and pulled in some wins. While there are still things I really wish for longterm security taking things one day at a time is also good for my well-being. Finding things to enjoy lessens up the anxiety that could eat you alive.  I'm still scared of many things but I need to be stronger and to do so is to compartamentalize and it's working at times like today. Hoping for good days ahead

Blowing Air

 Anxiety through the roof yet again. Worrying about multiple things at once. Scared of possible scenarios. Getting sad about the lack of progress. Fearing the worst. Letting those thoughts flow in here is how I cope with it. It's how I process what I feel

Lion

 I have so many rejection stories that I thought I was numb about this stuff already but as it turns out I'm not! Although this rejection is not directly for me still, as part of the group, it hurts me as well! I kinda of wish those days, I didn't know about the process because now that I know too much, I always hold my breath whenever opportunities knock in so now seen many closed doors the past few months. I've been feeling so much disappointment and yeah hurt as well. And the never-ending anxiety as well now fortified with this added stress which I really shouldn't have resorted myself in the first in the first place but what can I do, I care too much

Nano

 Worked on something very hard and complicated and very glad I was able to finish it. But I think I will check it again tomorrow just to make sure I didn't mess up! I don't want to mess up this one in particular! Anyway, hopefully good news ahead! Like I always hope with each start of the week

Forward

 Lying to oneself is something I guess a lot of us do. We know we it is a lie but we try to convince ourselves otherwise. But I guess it's trying to make sense of everything we have or the struggle we are facing. The hope is always to get to a place where you don't to yourself or notice at all

To Come

 I was very busy the past two days and another busy weekend ahead too. But this is kind of busy that I love so much. Hope to be as booked as busy for the last 3 months of 2023! I'm really hoping more things to come really, we need it! But I am patient but also anxious but so far we are always kept afloat, so that's good! 

Exist

Oh yeah, a tight schedule ahead but not gonna lie I'm living for the moment! It helps that I have a genuine interest over this matter so it shouldn't be such a pain to do it. Hopefully, everything will be smooth sailing but I do need to finish something firts before I fully dive in there

Body

 Some good news although it's gonna be a challenging one to pull off but still than just waiting and waiting. This is a door that opened that hopefully will lead to more. So tomorrow I'll focus on finishing some stuff so I can free my mind to make this one really pop.

137

Fear came knocking again. At least I handled things better now. It was a reminder that it will never go away so I just have to do my best to handle it and lessen the fear they feel and contain the fea I have as well. Lord, please always guide me and them. Help me not break apart. 

900

I wish I didn't know too much. Now I'm worried sick of things not working out. But I need to know because a lot things are on the line. Too much pressure I guess. But I can't imagine the pressure they are receiving too. One of those days where I feel so down. 

Don't Jinx It

A new week is upon us and really hoping for good news to come like I've been the past few weeks or so. Maybe this is the week where the things I'm hoping will finally come true

Chill

 Good thing I don't have anything urgent so I just did nothing outside some few household chores. It's a good time to defreeze as well. But hopefully, it won't be for long and my weekends will be busy for productivity purposes again!

Flow

Reaping what I sow, especially something I worked very hard on is a nice feeling but after my worries are back again that it could end pretty soon. There are leads this week but I hope they will materialize, all of it, because I just want to feel more secure. I kinda miss the time I wasn't too involved with this but then again that was a mediocre time unlike this time where it is more fruitful but nerve-wracking!

Fingers Crossed

 I'm really hoping for best results and more to come as well! Badly need it! But also it's an interesting subject that I want to know more about! Oh dear heavens please give it to us!

Quick

 Things are getting released quite fast and I'm a bit overwhelmed and also a little paranoid that it will run out quick! But I do still have things at hand so all good. I hope more good news will arrive as soon as possible!

Physics

 Worked on something that could to lead to a door that I really want to open for us. I needed to be extra resourceful so I hope it works out! It is badly needed because it's getting worrisome already

Breathe In

 So happy I was able to accomplish two things I needed to do in a short time which admittedly was my own doing due to procrastination! I normally was able to estimate things better but I got complacent this time. Hopefully, nothing negative ensues as while I was cramped with time, I still made sure it won't be a crap job!

Few more

 Now paying for my procrastination! But still doing my best and not slacking off! I won't give a messy one and still deliver a quality output! I hope I can battle my procrastination next time! I've been too complacent lately 

Back

 I've been watching G-Mik on YouTube now.  It's a time capsule that takes me back to a simpler time. I hate falling into that nostalgia trip yet again, but I can't help it! As I grow older, I just feel more sentimental! 

Potential

 So some good lead hopefully to a new opportunity. But I've seen quite a number lately that don't go anywhere which really bums me. Hopefully, this one will really open the door. I really hope so because it is quite needed already. Crossing my fingers it works out. Please Lord!

Fired Up

 Finished two important things today and I have two that I need to get done in 3 days! I can do this. I'm glad this is what my mind is busy with and not resentment and frustrations. I also really some good news I've been hoping, waiting for will finally arrive in the coming days if not tomorrow because I've been anxiously waiting each day but for now I deal with the immediate matters on hand

Packed

 Did a lot of things today and hopefully tomorrow I can my goal. Wasting my weekend away doing nothing is kinda costing me now but well I did need a break as well, right? Hopefully, all the things I need to finish will be done and over with. I always like being this busy though. It helps me focus my mind on worthwhile rather than drowning in anxiety!

36

 I turn 36 today and I'm truly grateful for all the blessings I received and surviving the many challenges in life as I grow older. Thank you Lord for keeping my family safe. My birthday is for my family to stay healthy and safe and for the company I work to have consistent and more projects!

Cake

 It's not a good day. It was a waste. Now hopefully tomorrow will be better. It should be. I hope I won't get distracted with nonsense anymore.  Today was a mixed bag of annoyance from other sources and my own chaotic mind. 

Nothing

I have a stack week ahead. I could have had a headstart today but I chose not to because there's still enough time. I slacked off a little I guess but I do think I need a break so I can be fully charged to do things for the week ahead. Hopefully it all goes all well.

Ref

Another realization because of that fatal mistake I made is how I could have gotten something else if all the resources I used for that mistake were given to that other thing instead. The thing is when I was in those moments, all I wanted was to be selfish because I thought it would give me happiness after all the stressful things I've been dealing with. What's worst is I kept repeating those mistakes in quest to get the goal I wanted and in the end it took a big blow for me to finally realize the mistake I've done. Somehow, I'm still grateful I wasn't at the deepest end yet before I came to my senses. The past few weeks, I was testing myself if I would give in to it again and thankfully there were no close calls despite some floating thoughts about it once in a while but the feeling of regret overpowered me.  I truly hope I can be free of this feeling again but I know I need to learn the hard way. 

Course Correct

 So I made a call today that is disadvantageous to me but I need to do it so I will be out of the limelight. And also help people out. I have to admit I've been somewhat selfish in protecting my interests. But after the big mistake I committed a few weeks ago, I felt like it was a result of me rationalizing how I was selfless so I needed to indulge myself. But I made the wrong choice. So here I am, doing things not just to help myself but others as well. The big picture so to speak. It's quite a task given the fragility of it all but I do really think this is for the best. 

XL

 YouTube algorithm knows me so well. Suggesting this GMik episode set in Festival Mall, Alabang! This was set in 2000, also the time na madalas kami dito so this was such a time capsule nostalgia trip. I especially loved seeing Odyssey XL record bar! One of the shops na favorite ko puntahan everytime we are and I could spend hours just looking around. That shop closed early this year after more than two decades.  

Mas malaki na Festival Mall ngayon but the last time I went there, the main mall's structure still basically the same and you know sometimes when you go through so much changes in life, a sense of familiarity somewhere gives a nice feeling even if momentarily.

More

 Third straight night of getting things done so hopefully this good streak continues. Also, can it please manifest to attracting that thing I want to have already. Not a day goes by that I go paranoid with my anxiety of not having those things yet on lock. Always included in my prayers and I really hope good news will come soon

Quotes

My worrying continues even if there are like good things in front of me because I worry about what could be next? I wish I could stop thinking this way, always in constant fear of impending doom.  I'm getting anxious about the lack of development on one important area then of course the other fear that one call I made was a bad one because I was trying to avoid something that could bring so much distress. My head is a mess

Bit

Today is a holiday but I normally go to the office for single-day holidays but the dubbing scheduled for today was moved to Thursday so the office won't be open. Bummer because I do like working on a holiday with the relaxing commute and general peaceful office ambiance with fewer people around so I could focus more. And of course, the holiday fee is added to the salary too. But I did get to sleep until 9AM, five hours later than usual during a workday. Anyway, can't wait to get back to work and hoping for some good news like I always do each week. 

Threat

I'm so anxious again over so many things. Lingering fears. new fears. Paranoia. I'm just scared of possible outcomes. But I need to show strength and spread positive vibes despite my fears deep inside. Oh Dear Lord, please don't let my fears happen. I'm so scared.

Bummer

I wanted an escape but the door closed. So here I am again with no choice but to endure stressful things that should not be giving me stress in the first place but I have no choice yet again. I always have to be in the middle of things to prevent things from escalating further. I am so sick and tired of this cycle. But once again I try to think of terrible situations I could be in to put me into perspective or to be real just be okay with whatever I have to deal with. 

Off

 I can't help but be bothered although it has been clarified that there's nothing to be worried about. But why is the reflex to castigate because you did so much better that they've been overshadowed? I know I'm overthinking it but I can't help but feel so bad. This was the last thing I needed. But maybe this is another punishment because of my consistent mistakes these past few months. Because I gave in to my shallow wants. I know there is a valuable lesson out there but now let me wallow through the pain of being disregarded. I know it was not the intention but it has already affected me so much now. I'll get over it because in the end I did nothing wrong but I'm just going to be cautious now. Put that wall back again. Well, I've always had walls but I left some space but maybe it was a mistake. I was so protective to not make a mistake, not to stir the boat but who knew doing so well will still cause you harm? Where will I place myself?

Exhale

 Oh well, the one thing I was trying to avoid could be happening now. I saw it coming to be honest with the thin slate that happened. I guess it's another blow to me again. A reminder of how vulnerable things are and how I got too complacent. Now it could be over soon. 

Retrace

While still far from what I want, I'm still glad I have things lined up already. But I want more really. I hope there will be a lot soon. I did my best to jumpstart something that hopefully I can finish tomorrow or if not Friday morning. I focused a lot of my energy here to make up for some of the mistakes I made the past few weeks. I need to set the mood for the better and hopefully attract more positive vibes in the process

20

 Some good news and yet I still feel stressed over little things because it might not be a little thing after all and could be a big deal in the long run. I just have to accept I will always worry no matter what but I can take any win I can get than the worst case scenario happening or thinking about the worst case scenario all the time especially when some good news is there, cherish it, hold on to it.

Long

 One of my fears happened and I had a feeling it was coming. This is my fault of course because I didn't give it proper time to smoothen it. I don't want to be a cause of delay and hassle but what's done is done. I hope it will still run smoothly despite my mistake. It was not a good week and it's all because of me. I can't blame anyone really, sure I can make excuses because of circumstances blah blah but the point of the matters I made poor choices hence poor results. 

Huh

  I was working on a dubbing script and I don't know why it felt like some of the lines were attacking me hahaha! What a coincidence it is that some of the lines are so applicable to the stuff I went through this week. The wounds haven't healed completely but I totally accept my culpability. I know this is a learning experience that will be a lifelong lesson and I do already feel the effects it had on me. And I hope I fall into the same trap of my own wrongdoing again

Waiting

Because of my epic fail this week, the thing I'm usually worried about took the backseat but now that it's nearing once again, my feeling of fear for that particular thing has returned. Hoping and praying for the best because yes I'm quite emotionally exhausted right now although I'm trying to make things better by not dwelling on it. But this thing will always be a recurring fear. Oh Dear Lord please don't let my fears happen.

Get up

 From time to time, that mistake still frustrates me but I shove it aside because there's nothing I can do to change the past. All I can do is FINALLY learn from the mistake and be firm with this change I want to see in myself. I really needed to learn the hard way or else I was bound to repeat it because I'm getting use to the repercussions and now that I've face the worst humanity can bring, madadala na talaga ako

Get It

 My recent mistake definitely taught me a lesson. But I will try to take this mistake as a driver to push myself to do better and make up for the mistake and come out triumphant. I hope one day that I will look back on this event as the pivotal moment of my life where I made a major change to improve my life. I am determined to turn things around.

Dasurv

 Learned a valuable lesson that will finally put an end to a crazy thing. God does really know how to send the message when you have been so stubborn. It hurts but it finally needed to happened so I can have this wake up call. This cycle will stop. I will be wiser. I will not ignore the signs anymore. Will not let the demons get the best of me again

UD

 Today I learned DLSU-Dasmarinas is now called UD by the new generation! The school's official facebook page used it and it's causing quite a stir among us old people haha. Truth be told, I find it so odd but well I don't want to judge what the young people do these days. And in the end it's really  not a big deal.

Five?

 I don't know why or maybe I know I just don't want to deal with the truth of my vulnerability. It all boils down to the deep sadness and frustration I have that's affecting the way I view things. I'm quite miserable, oh well :(

Reeling

My recklessness is still giving me a lesson. In a way, I feel that life is unfair that the one time (okay 4 times) I pursued what I want, I get to pay the consequences. But of course, my rational side took over and said "You had it coming".  It really is my fault that I'm in this dilemma right now.  But I hope this really stops right here and there will be no further struggles again because this is already eating me alive. This challenge I can still cope with and I do know the way to make it better in the long run. I'm still anxious over things but I'm trying to hold on to that hope that it will be fine, right? Oh please Lord let it be fine, 

Predictable

 I didn't do what I was supposed to do today, so another Saturday where there's no progress! Maybe because it's not immediate and I know I have a buffer so yeah but still I wish I made progress today. But Id do know taking a break is needed as well and not be on the go all the time. 

Vicks

 I try not to overthink something so small and yet I can't help but feel worried again. I hope nothing bad will happen. It's always this time of the year when something off happens but please hopefully not this time. Dear Lord, please hear my prayer

Ahead

 I was able to finish some things earlier than usual. Hopefully, this will give me time and energy to focus better for a big thing I need to finish as soon as possible. I need to finish it so I can also do other stuff as well. But despite already having something to look forward to, I still feel frustrated over the lack of updates on some certain things. It comes in trickles when I want it to pour!

Believe

 So a new exciting thing came along and I grabbed the opportunity at once. I really need to make up for everything I've lost so I will do my best to accomplish my goal this time. It will be quite challenging because of a limited time set but I'm so ready. And I actually want more too to come soon. And can it come fast?

Let it Rip

 So now I just confronted the consequence of my recklessness and it is freeing. Yes, I'm facing quite a big challenge but at least I no longer delaying the inevitable. No longer in denial of my mistake. I swear to bounce back from this setback. In the grand scheme of things, it is just a minor hiccup but the way I am, I'm just too hard on myself. But it's all for the better so I won't do this recklessness again. 

Oh Dear Lord please guide me as I pick myself up from this self-induced setback. 

4x

 So yeah I now regret I did that thing four times so I'm now in this tricky situation. Well, it's actually workable and all but I wish had the buffer which I wasted because of that risk I made. Yeah, I learned some things in the end but ultimately I am suffering from the consequences. I need to do my very best and get back what I've wasted. I can do it

Noise

 Another day, another chaotic moment for no good reason. Because people can't control what they think, what they feel. I've had those moments of puro annoyance too but I don't stir drama and just keep it to myself because what good does it that than add unnecessary stress. Tired over and over and over again.

Course

The last batch of my course Broadcast Journalism will graduate this month. The program has now been redeveloped into Digital and Multimedia Journalism next school year. I feel a little sad about it but times have changed and I applaud DLSU-D's foresight and willingness to adapt. 

There are some choices in life that I have regrets but not the course I chose! Broadcast Journalism was actually my second choice with Accounting as my first choice because I was kinda good in high school accounting but during the enrollment when I was asked which course I will take, the heart spoke 💕 

Being a grade-conscious studious student from elementary to high school, college was so refreshing and the highlight of my school life. I still cared about grades but my life didn't revolve around it anymore because being a BroadJourn student expanded the way I view life and learning. 

Bravo Broad Journ! We had a great run, thanks a lot to sir Artin Umali the heart and soul of the program. 

All the best to AB Digital and Multimedia Journalism, I'm sure it will be as great as BroadJourn and I'm excited for the upcoming pioneer batch.

More waiting

 Still nothing and I'm getting alarmed. I'm just anxious as always but hopefully next week there will be news I am waiting for. Also this month there is something I'm trying not to think because it scares me yet again. It's been a routine for the past few years but I'm always scared about it. It's part of the fiber of my being now. That's why I need to have things to distract me, good distraction not the other distraction that made me lose my mind which I somehow regret although it is something I needed to experience - losses and all. Yeah, another messy rambling but this is how my mind has been lately

Still Waiting

 As I wrapped another today, I have another on deck but after that nothing yet. It is really worrying me that this dry spell continues. I really hope we get some good news soon because this is really making me anxious!

Cool

 There's a very cool thing that I need to confirm before bragging about it. I need confirmation so I'll have permission to be proud of it. I do hope credit is given so it could be a good booster for us hopefully. I'm still worried that there are not enough follow-ups to fill in the spaces and I really hope they will arrive soon enough

Circling Back

I am scared of a lot of things right now. I try not to think about it so it won't manifest but my mind just keeps thinking about worse-case scenarios for these two things on my mind always. Now, I'm trying to distract myself again about a thing I'm trying to avoid but it's proven to be a struggle

Dry

 And it continues and it is getting me worried. Hopefully, something, anything, happens this week. There must be something coming that will feed this tank that is approaching an alarming scenario. 

Burst

 I'm exhausted from dealing with mood swings. I have to set aside my OWN mood swings because who would if everyone else is having a moment? We can't all survive if everybody is in a foul mood. So as always, I set aside everything to make them at ease.  I do it for my own good too. I'm too exhausted with everything that I don't really go out and explore the world outside my own bubble. It is better for me this way, I never to get enjoy being outside anyway because there's always something to worry about inside. I just place myself in my own bubble within this bubble to carry on. This is a part of my bubble too. It is technically outside but I doubt anyone sees this anyway. Sometimes I wonder if one day google gives on blogger and everything I had here will be erased. Like in Friendster. Like in Multiply. Like in PEx. Will I bother saving everything I had here or like those other sites, I just let it fade away. I just do a post here because it is talking to myself where I can visibly see my thoughts. I ramble and it's fine because it lifts a side of all the burdens I carry before it gets filled again. 

AI

 The rise of Artificial Intelligence really worries me. It's likey gonna wipe out a lot of jobs in the future. Some say you can't stop the future and just embrace it. Easy to say for people with nothing really on the line. Just read this article that YouTube is launching their AI-powered automatic dubbing for content creators. While we never had a client for dubbing under social media, still I'm afraid AI-powered localization will hurt our company eventually. Hopefully not and that the value of having actual humans doing translations and adaptation will still have edge. 

Quotes

Glad to met my goal today and also received another thing to do. But I want more really. I've been really anxious with the near-dry spell. There are leads but nothing confirmed yet. I hope things will pour in soon!

(grunts)

 So close yet so far. I wanted to push myself more but I'm so exhausted already. I don't want to abuse myself or else there could be serious consequences which I definitely don't want to deal with right now. I'll finish this tomoorrow with a refreshed mind. 

Intricate

 So good progress for today but I could do so much more, hopefully, tomorrow I'll maximize what I can do. I used to do this faster but I'm slower now because I don't want to mess it up so the quality won't suffer. After this, I still have two in queue but I'm getting worried already with no new stuff coming in lately. Hopefully, good news will come in soon. 

Wanted

 So some challenging few days ahead as I need to beat two important deadlines but this is the kind of rush I really want though. It keeps my mind so busy not to think about fears, anxieties, and other recent stuff that I was starting to get addicted to despite my brain telling me it was not a good thing. Hopefully, more things to come to be productive continuously and not get worked up on things dragging my spirit down. 

Beat

 I got irritated today because I felt like I'm on a losing end when I just want to help. It's hard to be honest about it as well so I just tried to be as polite as possible in expressing my concern about something. Oh, well. I really need to assess this situation, afraid of offending people but also tired of being in the middle of this again.

25 Minutes

So near yet so far. I could have touched the finish line earlier but I don't know why I made my own obstacles! I really need more push to get this to the finish line! Let's get to it!

Barbenheimer

 I definitely want to see both Barbie and Oppenheimer but I just need to find the time to do it! Pre-Covid days, I would dedicate one Saturday watching movies but it's not something I could do anymore. I have family errands on weekend mornings, afternoon naps, and dubbing scripts at night. Plus weekend traffic is not something I like to deal with anymore. I do miss those carefree days but it's not just the same anymore. I do hope to find the time sometime next week

Grapes

I had a bit of a struggle finishing this task. I haven't made much progress but hopefully this weekend I can finally finish it. I really need to do my best here because I always aim to do my best and not get complaints from poor work. 

Tank

  Blessings are pouring but I'm worried about the future. We need more to settle things down. The load is still good but I want an overflow again so there will be more security. 

Reviewed

 So just finished something that annoyed me a little but you have to be patient I guess. But I need to also protect myself from being abused. So I need to be more firm and strict I guess so I won't have to suffer in the end because I didn't made things clear. 

Resist

 So I'm fighting to do the same reckless decision I made the past month. It's a heart vs mind thing but hopefully not jinxing it, my mind is winning this time. I keep reminding myself of the aftermath of my decision so I keep myself in check. I don't have the excess to make that mistake again. 

Attention

Glad to finish the task I was working on over the weekend today. And now I'm off to work on another one and hopefully, I can finish as early as possible because I have another one in line too! But I really hope that there's more to come as well!

Close but not..

 So I'm close to finishing the task that I wasn't able to do yesterday. I do feel a little regretful because if I made some progress yesterday I would be finished by now already. I plan to finish this tomorrow before lunch though because I already feel sleepy. Good thing it was a fun thing to do so all is well

Maybe tomorrow

 I planned to do something productive and I ended up sleeping in the afternoon! Well, it's not super immediate task but I wanted to do it early but oh well, when your body called you to rest, you will follow!

On-Off

 The past month had been interesting. I keep going back and forth to this. it's a want vs need thing. I try to balance things out really but not sure where I stand now. But anyway, I will go back focusing on things I need to do. Hoping for more projects to come to keep myself busy even more

Lonely

I am lonely. No matter how I try to not think feeling this way I just can't. I keep on reminding myself that things could be so much worst but there just comes a point that you feel exhausted trying to remind yourself of that. I wish for better things. I wish for peace of mind. But it's not happening, it goes on and on. I don't want to whine because, at the end of the day, I do this because I want to and because of unconditional love. But it's just hard at times.  I wish I didn't feel this way. But there's no shortcut. There will be more days of the same feeling. 

Bandaid

 The past 3 weeks or so I tried to escape thinking about the recurrent worries I have but let's face it I was just fooling myself. Endless worries. I keep going back and forth but I still end up in the same place.  It's frustrating but it could be so much worst. I always try to take things into perspective. Maybe I will keep doing this escape but up to what point? I am now confronted with the same dilemmas. Maybe I just forget about giving myself a temporary exit from the stressful things I endure. 

112

 A little disappointing today. A plan I had didn't pan out but well you gotta think of the lesser hassle and the bigger picture. It is also a situation that is caught in between a transition, So yeah need to do what's better for the future. 

Freaked Out

 So I was doing something I thought I wanted but then the real me kicked in. Yeah, no matter how I try to change myself, I can't really fight my natural instinct with such things. It's gonna hurt me in the long run but I don't know maybe this is where I was really meant to be.

Sunny

 I ran some errands today at noontime and the heat was unbearable. I was using a big umbrella usually used for storms because it is not safe to walk with that kind of heat with no protection really. It was good to see some guys like me with their umbrellas too, I mean come on you shouldn't risk your heatlh just because of social norms that men don't use umbrellas when there's no rain!

Heat

 This week is freaky as for the first in my life I saw the sun still shining brightly close at 6PM. The heat is just unbearable. I wish for colder weather soon!

Booked

Finished two dubbing scripts this week! I love the feeling of it again! I have three scripts on my plate as well with deadlines close to each other! AND I LOVE IT.  I've had enough lazy weekends after house chores. I want to spend the weekend working on scripts again! Hopefully more projects to come

Rev

Finished the first episode of the latest dubbing project we have. A day before the deadline as well so that's nice. Dubbing starts on  Monday so it was a bit rushed but I always worked on dubbing scripts, especially with this director who has been very appreciative of my work. I don't fish for compliments but it's always to get complemented and it really gave me a boost as well!

Muna

 I needed to end some of the recklessness I've been doing the past few weeks. It's a decision I made because taking that risk made me experience things I never did but there's still that immense feeling of regret and yet I go back to the same cycle which also made me lose focus on certain things. Maybe I'll revisit this someday but with a better plan and not just because of the thrill of  taking a risk, ignoring the bigger picture just because I want to be selfish for a moment. 

Gimme More

After having some drought, glad to know new projects are coming in again. I want to be so busy again because those weeks with a lighter workload worried me a little! I'm already used to being so occupied with back-to-back things that I need to finish. So happy now but hoping for MORE! 

Window

 So Monday is quite good for opportunities! Quit excited and hopefully more to come. I have some stressful some at the back of my head but I will savor this bliss in the meantime. The feeling of excitement is there but I need to manage my expectations

Testing

So this "experiment" is making me realize a lot of things now. I'm learning some stuff about myself. It's still a work in progress and I hope to come out of this a better person. I'm cautious but at the same, I want to be reckless too. It's a hard thing to balance really but I need to confront and face everything before it's too late for me.

Simul

 I entered something I know very well what it really is but I'm trying to find something more to this. It makes me happy even for a few moments and yet I know it's all a facade. But for a few moments I can pretend I'm on a different world. 

Aftermath

 The feeling of euphoria blinded me and before I go too far, I'm putting the brakes on. I've realized I willingly fooled myself into a fantasy but now I have come to my senses that this isn't it. It's all an illusion and I need to step away. But still thankful I've experienced it because it's still a learning experience after all. I am sad though but I'll get over it.

Threat

 I'm getting worried about some thing already and each day I hope that there will be news coming but there are just trickles and just leads. Then I just found out something that makes things even more vulnerable. I hope like before it will just pass and opportunities come in again. I've been stressing about that perhaps that led to me some impulse decisions that gave me some temporary escape but as it is temporary, I keep coming back to this listless state. 

Charm

 After a rough time yesterday, glad to have a good day today. It was really goood! I'm afraid that something bad could happen because of the euphoria I felt today but nope I will not let negativity get me down again, I want to savor today where I felt something I never did before. So pleasing. 

Crestfallen

 What I've been fearing has happened again. I am so scared and tired and frustrated and devastated. I had a feeling it will happen again but now it is actually happening I have no words to say. I want to step back and just let things be. My attitude could just add up to the multitudes of stress. I'm struggling to cope up with this again. Lord, please hear my prayer.

A Week

 What happened a week ago is still on my mind. I'm still tormented by the feeling of failure but also the desire to do it again and make it work. I'm afraid to take a risk again but I do know if you stay in your lane all the time that feeling of regret and resentment just grows and I don't want that. Hopefully, I will find the answer eventually. 

Declutter

 So I did nothing important but discuss shallow entertainment stuff on message boards. It's actually quite good not to be thinking about serious matters for a while especially what I've gone through the past week, It was quite brutal but I will be fine and make things better. Hopefully, next week will be better and some of the things I want will come to fruition

Figure

 Thinking over that thing again I feel like making that mistake was essential to me to learn more about myself. It was a big failure that I haven't mode on yet but as I process my emotion, I'm realizing things I haven't thought about before. Not sure if it just me rationalizing to make me feel better or have I genuine breakthrough but nonetheless despite the result, it was a pivotal in my life I will never forget.

And yet

 The failure of that risk is still on my mind. I don't want to take such a risk again and yet a part of me wants to gamble again. I want it for myself. I want to find success in this matter so bad but my rational self is reminding me how much I've lost with the first attempt. I knew what I could potentially lose when I took that risk and I thought that if I failed, that would stop me from trying it again but what am I doing now? Thinking about giving it another go and maybe learning from the mistakes of the first one. the second try could be more meaningful to me. Confused.

Certified

 I still can't help but dwell on my loser moment because it was such a big deal to me. I should have know better but I was clinging to the hope that the risk will pay off and that thing I've been wanting for so many years will be fulfilled but alas it wasn't. And I really made a fool out of myself. So embarrassing. So frustrating. So depressing

Elements

Elemental is so good! A wonderful love story that hit the right emotions! Love it so much, the romance works so well I didn't expect to feel that way for two non-human characters especially when they first held hands? The sparks!

I also like that this isn't the usual animated story of the characters going on an adventure to reach somewhere. It really is more of a relationship and personal connection movie so having no villain really works for its format.

The animation is stellar as one could expect with Pixar. The water and fire I could just imagine how long and intricate the process were.

 And this song was so perfectly used in the movie

Flop

 One thing I was anticipating for and my worst scenario happened. Now that I know the actuality it just makes me feel more like a loser and I did this to myself. Lesson learned. i was not cut out for it. I know the chances were high that it would be a disaster but I did it anyway. Rationalizing that now I won't be longing for ot anymore because of what happened. I am so sad but I need to move on from this.

GM

It's only here that I can say I'm exhausted. I just don't have the guts to tell it to someone in person. It feels more real and there are more repercussions if you do that. There's no such as opening up and will be okay after our tears are shed. It's a fantasy we live in the fictionalized content. Oh, I hate that word content. Devalues works of art. Oh, I hate that word to art it feels too condescending. Basically, I'm like this. Scatterbrain. I don't know where to stand in life. I'm annoyed, stressed, and depressed. 

Within

 I wish I could write what I am picturing in my head. Maybe it's something that's going to make an impact. But no it is just a delusion. For a few minutes, I'm transported to somewhere exciting, relaxing, and fun. I wish it's something I can make happen. Maybe? I don't know. It's an inner battle I have been dealing with whenever I face hurdles, no matter how small in the grand scheme of things, in life. 

Reports

There are impending things that will requite a lot of me and I'm ready for it but somehow it is making me want to do something I was hesitant at first just because maybe I need to do it so I can be more I don't know encouraged to face things head on? Or maybe I just some little break before bigger challenges. I'm figuring it myself as I go along with life 

Bothered

Here we go again. Perhaps. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. My head is spinning with so many things I worry about. I have to be strong. I have to be calm. I have to be brave. Oh Lord, please help me manage my emotions for the better of everyone. I can't manage to lose it.

Peek

 Sometimes when you had a taste of something, it will keep you wanting more but your brain is telling you to stop because it is the right thing to do. But reminding you to stop also makes the urge to break it higher. Life is so complicated. 

Overeager

 Some good leads today and I hope it all works out so I can finally feel at ease. It's been worrying me a lot because I fear instability. I don't want that. I need this one aspect of my life to be okay. Well, it is OK but I don't want to see a potential for vulnerability.  But to be honest, I just worry too much.

More please

Each time I check for something new, most of the time I fail. I should have not gotten myself too involved but here we go and I'm now quite nervous. Hopefully, something more is on the horizon. 

Conodrum

 I've been having trouble concentrating right now. I don't have the energy to do something that I put myself in without thinking properly. I should have foreseen this but I was too messy to not realize I am putting myself at a disadvantage. Maybe if there was something else to make up for this, I will feel better. But I guess I am in my selfish era... at least just in my thoughts because no matter what this sinking feeling is, I will do what is right. 

Worried Sick

 Trying not to think something bad is gonna happen and that I'm distracting myself over nonsense things because if I face it head-on, I will be just torturing myself and won't be able to function well. Oh this is tough, Lord please, don't let this thing in my mind happen, 

Precedent

 I'm getting nervous about something that could happen again. I'm trying to brush it off but I can't help but feel it from time and time again. Oh dear Lord, I hope this fear of mine will not happen. I beg you please

Information

 Thank goodness, one thing I was hoping happened today. But I wish for more because I'm being paranoid already about future sustainability. And also that other issue hopefully gets resolved so effort won't be wasted! Oh, there's another thing that's been caught in between transition, I was so tempted to do the initiative but good thing I realized that this wasn't my lane and I have no right to do so. But hopefully more will be coming in the weeks ahead, let it pour please!

Ever

 

The final season of Never Have I Ever is now streaming over at Netflix Check out the Filipino-dubbed version of all 4 seasons! I translated five episodes including the finale.  This show is very fun to do!

Shall

 I finished working on the script of this project which was based on a famous classic novel. Working on this project made me curious about the novel. Maybe someday I'll read it and not just rely on Wikipedia but it really won't be that easy given my time but we shall see

Across

 We got sent home early from work today because there was a floor in the building that caught fire. It was controlled immediately and thankfully was not big enough to cause bigger problems but still to be safe we were sent home and that was before lunchtime. It was too early to go home so I decided to watch a movie and I chose Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse and the animation was mindblowing! The story was engaging and it ended on a cliffhanger because the final movie is set for next year! I can't wait to watch it!

Hence

Quite a challenging work I'm doing now. I need to use specific words to make it sound authentic but not too try-hard. I made some progress today so hopefully I can finish this tomorrow!

Tolstoy

 I'm a bit off my game today because it's not urgent hopefully tomorrow I'll be more in tune with what I need to finish. I did have a good nap today which is nice. Hoping some good news will welcome me on  the week ahead to fuel me more. I'm getting worried about some things really and it's affecting me so much.

First!

 My Nephew had his first field trip since the pandemic started and also his first without his mom or me as his guardian! Well, he is 14 years so about time really and I'm happy for him to taste some indepedence too. But time flies, he'll be turning 15 in a few months! But glad he is shaping to be a smart boy!

Changes

 I was researching something and somehow ended up on Linkedin. I had an account for so many years but I don't really use it except for sometimes updating it. I've been with the same company for nearly 14 years so there's nothing much to update but I've been looking at the job history of friends and acquaintances and it's interesting where they are now. Before, I would feel insecure comparing myself to them but this time around I didn't feel that way. I'm really fine where I am right now. The pandemic really changed how I view things now. 

Thinning

 While I received some blessings today, I'm getting a little angsty about the future because it's not as loaded as it used to be. Hoping it pours soon because I'm quite paranoid. I want a good problem again. But maybe it's okay if there is a slowdown but I don't want to it last long. Hopefully, some good news will arrive soon.

Yee How

Just finished writing the Filipino dubbing script of an upcoming animated movie. It's so fun to do, one of the most relaxing scripts I've ever done even if it's longer than the usual stuff I do (over 80 minutes) so frankly I had a smooth time writing thing once I got things going on! My writing queue is easing up, which is nice in a way for a breather but I want more projects to come in! I still have 3 left to do but they don't have tight deadlines yet I want to stock up on writing projects again so hopefully new projects will pour in.   Please, Lord!

Patience

 Yesterday was all stressful but today was okay. So yeah while these things always happen and it will still happen. It passes. I'm glad about that. I'm thankful. It's still not the worst-case scenario on my mind. It will happen again and I'll be tormented inside but still I need to get myself together and not give up. 

Endless

 When things like this happen, I once again do the adjustments because their mood swings and pride are above anything so I'm the one again pacifying things, trying to prevent things from escalating further. God give me the strength so I can continue to carry on because I can't give up. 

Prime!

 Watched the final episode of The Marvelous Mrs Maisel on Prime Video. Rachel Brosnahan killed it in the series finale. Alex Borstein was so great too. I'm gonna watch Jury Duty next since I've been reading a lot of good buzz on it. I will also check out a local show Cattleya Killer which Prime Video bought. It looks good! I only subscribed for a month so I gotta make 149 worth it! I do hope we get a project with them soon! I would love to write dubbing script for one of their shows.

Nay

 Today is Nanay's 66th birthday. I always pray to God that she's always safe and healthy, especially after the last three years. Nanay had a simple day but she had fun which is what matters. Thank you LoRD

Work It

 Handed in the dubbing script of the finale episode of a telenovela we worked for half a year! This was the third finale script I've written in the last 2 weeks plus a penultimate episode with one long revelation scene with heavy dialogue! So happy to be able to do them all. I have a dubbing script to work for an upcoming animated movie. It's a personal fave so it's gonna be fun to translate it to Filipino! I have at least 3 in the queue to write for next month but I want MORE. Hopefully, we get more projects soon too. I want to be so busy!

On Repeat

 Here it goes again. Same thing again. The instability never changes. Everything so fragile and repetitive. I can't express disappointment because well I don't want to rock a boat. Life is not TV show where you speak your mind, and all things are resolved. That isn't the case. And I don't want another stressor in my already stressed mindset, I just want to be numb and not care about it anymore.

Maybe

And the questioning begins. The second-guessing begins. Why did I ever have to be the one in charge? I hate to be the one to make the call but I was pushed to be on the center yet again. I have to be strong. I have to be firm. But I'm so scared. The pressure. The fear. The anxiety.

Risk

So there it is. I made a call. I have my justifications but seriously worried that I could have gotten it wrong. I hope I didn't. I just thought about what could ultimately be beneficial to those around me. I just want them to be happy.

Present

 I don't know how to face everything. The one I have in mind might not be the right thing to do strictly speaking but my gut feel says otherwise. But I'm questioning myself if I'm doing it for my convenience - to protect myself.  But what I've gone through the past years, I learned a lot on how to deal with this. Sometimes you need to trust what your gut says. But I'm afraid it could be a mistake. Oh dear Lord please help me. Guide me.

Spiral

There's nothing like what you are fearing happening or at least signs point to it happening to break me. I'm still holding on but barely. I am panicking inside but appear to be calm outside. It's so terrifying, I don't know how to function anymore. 

Worry

 And here it is again. So scared again. I don't know if I can function well anymore. But I have to collect myself and be strong. It's very hard to act normal when there's something pinching your heart. You can't deny it anymore. 

Tom

I am distracting myself from my usual doom-and-gloom thoughts. It lasted for a few hours and I'm now back reveling in those thoughts. Not easy but really hoping and praying for the best.

Escalating

 That time again when my worries are haunting me again. Nervewracking. I really hope and pray things will turn out well. I'm trying to be hopeful but I'm always anxious, I can't help it. 

Did

 It's crazy to think sometimes how you want something and yet when it happened, it feels disappointing. There's a feeling of guilt too. And remorse that you should have trusted your other instinct but that insatiable curiosity won over. In a way maybe it's a good thing that it finally happened so you can fully understand what is it and maybe not want it anymore. 

From the start

 Here I go again, enveloped in fear. It is nearing again and the negative thinking is in full sail. Oh Dear Lord, you know what I fear the most. Please I hope what I'm thinking right now is not happening. But if it is unavoidable, give me the strength not to breakdown completely because I can't be the way, I just can't

Some

Partial stress lifted. It's not really supposedly stressful but this is me, making things bigger than it should be, stressing myself out on my own doing. But tomorrow once I get that thing done, I'll be even better. It's a cycle, but it is what it is.

Sleeve

 I'm sad. All the things I've been bothering the past few weeks or so are something that most other people don't really find problematic. It's just me. I'm a weak person who found himself in a position where I need to be the stronger one. It has been this way for the past few years. I don't know I ended up this way. I ultimately have no choice in the end. I'm trapped. While I really don't regret anything because I know in the grand scheme of things, it has helped me and the people around me. But in times like this, I'm just overwhelmed with life that I can't help but wish I am somewhere else. Free with no worries not just for me but my loved ones. I wish I had the chance and position to give security to others so I can just do things my way. But it's not the case. I accept it and will bravely face each day because I always think it's not the worst-case scenario, right? I always need to keep myself in check because I don't want to manifest something bad where i feel guilty in the end. But it's just hard when you are being challenged. It's hard not not to feel like  I'm being suffocated and yet I feel immense guilt for feeling this way. It's such a conflicting feeling that so hard to handle. I'm writing this because this is really the only way I can express. No one reads this anyway. It's a open space that no one knows so it's fine. Maybe in here I can feel free.

Testy

 Another rough day unfolding.  From the moment I woke up, already annoyed. When I tried to take an afternoon nap, got interrupted too. There are just so many things annoying me. Trying to keep it cool really. And then I got reminded of what could be a worst-case scenario that has been bugging me for years now. I don't know really. It's so hard to be happy.

RB

 I've been so stressed this week, some because of my own doing due to impulsiveness and some because of things not under my control. Somehow made some wrong options this week but hey I gotta learn from it and hopefully next week I'm on better form. Despite that, I was still able to do some things although I could have done so much better if I didn't let myself be overwhelmed. But still, I remind myself that relatively it's still okay so I just need to put things in perspective.

Carry

I'm tired of getting dragged on other matters I should not be involved with anymore. I already deal with so much why pile something on me again? Can you leave me out of it? I worry a lot already, I'm drowning with it, just fighting each day to be fine.

Step back

I've been busy so I haven't check this particular interest of mine but moments ago, I've checked it and well it was quite toxic and I don't have the  mindset to deal with the unnecessary annoyance so I'm stepping back from it and focus on things that I will benefit from

Advanced

So finished some tasks early on so I can focus on other stuff pending for the next few days. I hope I can maintain the right focus to meet my goal. There are challenges ahead but you see I've been feeling so off lately that somehow the stuff I need to finish helps me keep it together. 

Lights Out

So there was a brownout at the office building today and when it lasted over an hour we were sent home early because nothing could be done anyway and the heat was so exhausting. It's a bummer because there's a lot of things to do. I had to go down the stairs from the 20th floor because the generator can only power one elevator and it was always full. My leg is sore now! Oh well, not so good start of the work week!

Zapped Out

It's not even noon and I just feel tired already. Not just in the physical sense. Just everything. Overall well-being.  An inconspicuous wall. A burden of guilt. A lifetime of loneliness. Today's challenge is yet again pulling myself out of this hole I'm in again. 

Annoyed

 I get easily annoyed lately but this is maybe because of some underlying stress that I couldn't really blurt out so I will try my best to get myself together so it won't escalate to bigger issues thankfully I managed to avert a potentially bigger stress inducer. I also keep in mind how it could be much worst to keep me in check

One day

 I'm so thrilled to finish a task in a single day when it usually takes at least 3 days to finish. And I didn't really rush it too! It is possible as long as I really focus on it and it really helps that I really enjoy what I do and I get so engrossed doing it. Hopefully, it's a start of a good streak for me

March

 One of those moments again where you realize how lonely you really are. One of the thing bugging your right now is such a non-issue to other people but because of your inadequacy you make a big deal out of it. You talk to yourself to not feel any resentment because ultimately it was the right choice because you would never be at peace anyway if you look the other way. But it's incredibly hard. At least you still manage to control things before it spins out of control. You need to collect yourself because no one else will do that for you. They're too busy thinking about their other concerns to mind you. But to be fair, they do care but unlike you they're just not as good as handling things that stress you out. You would often browse social and think why do these people seemingly have happy lives. Sure, your cynical side tells you that's just a put on but let's face it, you know there's an empty space in your heart hence you feel this way. It's okay you say to yourself. Let it out for a moment and once you have that catharsis, carry on.

Unfair

 Yes, what I expected was confirmed today. It sucks but come to think of it I guess it was good that we saw the true colors I guess, or maybe just accepted the red flag we saw early on. This incident just adds more pressure to me as well but I can deal with it, good thing I found a safe haven. It might not be much but it is safe. Comfort zone but with everything going on, I prefer to be in a comfort zone. Another setback, but we will rise from it. Hopefully and please Lord, some good news next please.

Keys!

 Nearly a year after we finished dubbing this project, so happy that the Filipino-dubbed version of Locke & Key is finally out! This a show I enjoyed and how I wish it had another season, not just because it's our project, but also because I feel like the show had more stories to tell but glad it had a final season. I wish our other project Warrior Nun had that!

Sense

So I watched this documentary on Netflix,  not a serious type, it's about a couple that was stranded in Costa Rica while on a date because of the pandemic lockdown! It was an easy watch and a little bit too good to be true but kinda heartwarming as well. The type that can make you smile and sometimes you need that, right?

Glimmer

 So looking like the thing that worried us for the past 2 days may be resolved but we still need to wait for it to be confirmed. I hope everything goes well because it was so nervewracking. 

Aftershock

There was a literal earthquake as just the clock turned midnight! But yesterday's even still had some effect today. I could feel it and it's really a downer but hopefully this overall feeling won't last long. I pray to God so

Setback

 A loved one suffered a big blow today and dare I say, injustice. I hope he bounces back from this setback. It does make me cautious as well with people even more.  It's hard to find people you can trust. Somehow it makes me justify why I set up a wall to protect myself and probably that is how I am surviving the game of life

Sweeth

We had another project out on Neftlix! Check out the Filipino-dubbed version of Sweet Tooth (both seasons)! I was not assigned to the project so no credit bragging for me but hey still proud our team made this one! Hopefully, Netflix renews it for Season 3 and maybe I could write for it too! :D

Scroll.

 That's why I try to avoid social media as much as I can because I can't help but feel things I don't want to. I also tend to judge people too which is something I don't want people to do things to me as well. I have lingering feelings of insecurity and such so it does not help things at all.  I don't want to be eaten alive by this.

Checked!

 Just finished something I could have finished earlier but I slacked off and did other things which to be fair are not useless but just not as needed and urgent as this one. I don't know why I tend to do that someitmes but I'm glad I got myself together and finished this today so I can focus on other things tomorrow!

Pal

 Thinking of joining this prestigious tilt but I think for the wrong reasons. I want to win and get a medal for recognition. Just being honest. But I know that kind of reasoning is not enough fuel to get it, I still struggle with things as well so I might not have what it takes to make it all the way. But I'm entertaining the idea, the deadline is next month so who knows

Near and Far

 So I'm sort of within reach of finishing this thing. If I didn't get lazy yesterday, this would have been over by now but oh well I take full responsibility for my laziness! Because I knew it wasn't really needed that's why I got lazy but well I snapped myself back to being responsible again! OK back to finishing this!

50

It was so hot today that I couldn't concentrate on what I wanted to today but there are still a few hours left today so I might still be able to get something done, good luck! Maybe because it's not really that urgent so I'm not really on beast mode to finish but maybe I should because I like checking something off my list. Okay we'll see

Ally

 Randomly saw Ally McBeal on Disney+ awhile ago. It was a show popular show during my childhood, I think I've seen some episodes but never really understood it because I know I was just a kid! Checked out a few episodes and I really enjoyed it, so funny with the type of emotional beat that aligns with what I like. Will try to check out more episodes in the next weeks I still have the subscription! 

Plate

Finally finished checking the work of trainees that was quite hard to do . But I admit this task had been delayed because I took in too much and also got lazy as well. But at least now I learned how to say no because I just can't find the time to take another trainee at this point. I also need to assess how I teach them as well. One I can see so much improvement which is really great, the other one needs a lot of work but this one needs compassion and patience considering his special situation.  

The heat

 The humidity these days is on another level of insufferable. It's headache-inducing. The dryness will really make you feel a little sick. I'm quite paranoid these days so I really need to be careful. I hope this won't last long.

Farewell

Today was my classmate Walton's burial. I wasn't able to visit his wake or be on the funeral today. I do hope I can visit his tomb soon. I wish I could go but there was just so many complications that prevented me to do so. Walton, kung nasaan ka man ngayon, maraming salamat sa lahat. Rest in peace, my friend. Thank you so much for being so funny, nice and sweet. I will never forget you. Dear Lord, please guide his soul as he travels back to your paradise.

Reset

 So I'm trying to balance things now, I wanted to do some work tonight but then I saw a favorite show of mine is now available on a streaming site, and out of impulse bought myself a month's subscription (at a discounted price from a promo I saw). I figured I do really need to go back to watching shows for leisure again and not just work-related! I still have a lot of things to do but I have some breathing space and I do need to inject some fun again because I've been pushing myself hard and I did realized that it could affect my work's quality. I've worked so hard to not get any pushback and so far so good so yeah I need to take care of myself so I continue to deliver. 

Worn

 One of those moments you feel spent. You gotta thrive on for the better good, you have to think of the worst-case scenario first, you have to take the high road, you have to give way, and you have to be the person not adding unnecessarily to drama. But really sometimes is just hard to take everything in and not breakdown but you have to do it privately and not attract attention because instead of getting the comfort you will just cause unnecessary drama that will just to the multiple emotion you are already feeling. You just have to take it all in no matter how suffocating it is.

Chatty

 I spent the entire afternoon chatting with friends online. I was planning to do some work but I'll just do it tomorrow and while I could get pressed in time but it's fine really. I needed to do some I dunno mindless things today because the past weeks, I've dealt with the back-to-back loss which really made me sad and scared so spending a few hours not thinking of negative stuff was quite a treat. I did realize resorting to escaping via doing work is not helpful too as well. This is my way of self care and tomorrow I will march on again

Bye PEx

After nearly 19 years and over 50K posts, from a regular poster to eventually becoming a moderator and admin, "forg" is logging off for the last time @pinoyexchange 

Salamat PExers, Salamat PEx! 

Reconnect

Had a little bit of annoyance today due to things I've already foreseen but still annoying when it happens in real-time. But I always need to remind myself that things could be worst and this is really a minor issue in the grand scheme of things. So I just distracted myself yet again

Comrade

The thing that I like about writing dubbing scripts is that starting is quite hard to do but once I get into it, I really get into it. Like this recent script, I just finished today, starting it was so hard but I really enjoyed writing it eventually, I was immersed in another culture. I also finished editing the episode after it! I will write the final episode next week and quite looking forward to it but first, I still have quite a list to do but it's fine, I enjoy doing it so much. But of course I've been also learning to slow down as well for my own benefit

Intricate

 What I thought was impossible last night was just me kinda overacting! One thing I did well last night though that after I felt quite overwhelmed with what I was doing, I stopped. Normally, I would push to meet a certain goal but then I realized that I'd been doing myself harm. And after I decided to set that thing for another day it really helped because I felt somewhat refreshed while I still had some difficulty doing that thing at least I had the motivation to finish it and so much better. I was in the right headspace and things run smoothly. We really do need to realize when we are pushing ourselves too much. 

Turquoise

 So I'm about to begin that's really hard and I have very limited to finish this too. Maybe the toughest one yet since I returned to doing this. I hope I can pull this off very well!

Walton

 My classmate Walton passed away early morning today. We haven't seen each other in a while but we were goofing out just recently on a class group chat. I will forever remember his sense of humor. When I became the editor-in-chief of the student paper, he started calling me "chief" even after graduation. His kulit was always endearing and you know that's how he shows his love and care. They gave me a basketball jersey of our course varsity team with my name on the side. I didn't ask for it and they know I don't even know how to dribble a ball but they, led by him, gave it to me as a gift. I still wear it until this day and forever cherish it now.

Rest in peace, my friend! Thank you and we will miss you so much!

Brink

 My classmate's sister's latest update to is not good. I'm scared but looks like it is heading that way. I'm sad and frustrated because getting hospitalized is so complicated and quite unfair too. I'm scared of everything.  Oh Dear Lord guide my friend Walton.

Worried

 A college classmate's life is in critical condition. We've tried our best to help but the reality of financial struggles and complicated public hospital bureaucracy is making things so difficult. In a way,  I became a focal person from our batch which honestly is a pressure to me since we are in the middle of Holy Week and you could feel that some of my classmates are not comfortable facing such stressful situations.  Can't blame them, they already helped financially earlier so it's hard to seek financial help again. So hard and soul-sucking really. I empathize with the sister which whom I've been in contact but there's really so much I can do. She's not pressuring us and is very gracious as well but I could feel the anxiety so much. I wish I have more than enough to help them out by myself. 

Semi Colon

 I woke up at my usual time at 4AM then realizing no work today so went back to sleep again and woke up 4 hours later. I was planning to do something productive but then I was too lazy again! I did not useful but surf the net and read useless stuff. Took a little nap too! Maybe before the night ends I get to do some progress but maybe not! . Oh It's gonna be a challenge but we'll see!

Comma

 Lenten break is upon us but I don't plan to be 100% on break especially yesterday I was not really productive given I was so distracted by what happened to PEx. I did some work today but still need to finish some stuff as well. I want to finish some stuff but not gonna lie I caught the lazy bug. I will try to balance everything, doing some stuff but also taking a break from time to time to clear up my thoughts as my heart is burdened with worries. 

Goodbye PEx!

 Today it was made official the Pinoyexchange.com is closing down. My virtual home for nearly 20 years.Wala ako masyadong nagawa sa work today kasi basa ako ng basa ng mga messages sa pagsasara ng PEx and their memories with PEx. I was happy news outlets featured it as well.  I'm really sad.  Masyado  malaki ang parte ng PEx sa buhay ko.  During a rough time in my life, PEx offered me a freelance gig that helped me so much. Forever grateful. If only I had the means, I would have done everything to save PEx. It was a big part of my life that I will never forget.  I will miss PEx so much.

Down

 Just found out some saddening news. It was inevitable but to see it finally happen still makes me sad. While I wasn't active anymore, I always check in from to time. I had a feeling the end was near because it was not the same anymore and it was to see it slowly go down. It was just a matter of time. Nevertheless, it makes me sentimental of how it used to be and how it was integral in my life. 

Cut

A draining day. Got into some minor accident which left me with a band-aid above my eyelid. And those things, even if so little in the grand scheme of things, bring in a LOT of stress already because people think about their feelings first like I have to settle things to stop further escalation when it's so not needed to because it doesn't solve anything at all.  I'm averse to hassle because all my life I've been dealing with it, I just need boring, non-eventful life.

Laz

 April 1 today. I had a good afternoon nap today which was quite refreshing, not gonna lie! I spent the morning doing the groceries and with the heat, it's just extra challenging. Anyway, I still have things to do but kinda relaxed which hopefully won't bite me in the end. 

Fight

 So this weekend will be about working on this new project we have from a new client. It's a bit rush because Holy Week coming up so just 3 days of work but we will work things out. I previewed the show already and it's quite interesting and something new for me!

Touch

 It's mediocre but since it hasn't happened in a long time - or perhaps in this case ever  - it left. But one needs to control before it goes beyond measure. But one wonders about the things missing. Something ordinary or nothing special became a bigger deal than it should be just because there's really nothing to compare. Just what one pictures in the mind 

Efficacious

Facing another recurring event again that's stressing me out as always. I do know eventually they do go away but I wish it doesn't happen often, if not at all. But I know realistically speaking it just won't. Somehow, I do wish that if these things regularly happen maybe my other fear would go away too. I would exchange for this recurring source of stress if that fear will not come to fruition. 

Fight

 Another day of working really hard but really not complaining. I'm grateful. It gives me something to focus on and helps me avoid going deep down into my thoughts - my unpleasant thoughts. I get immersed to a world far away from me. Sometimes a world I live in. But for now I'm fine making my adaptation to those worlds. 

Dry

 The hot weather is here again and the heat is just different this time. Soul sucking and legit health hazard. With that, I worry about things that could be a result of this weather. I hope it won't happen again but I'm scared. Perpetually. 

Whew

 I finished it! The last pending I have this week! I did it! It was so challenging but glad I was able to do so. I still have a lot of things to do next but I think it's more manageable than the tough week I had. But you see even if it was so challenging, I loved what I do so it wasn't that horrible but yesterday I did procrastinate. I could have finished this thing way earlier if I didn't get lazy at some point yesterday! But well glad I pulled myself together to make thing work today.