I'm in this state of accepting the inevitable but still feeling frustrated about how it is going on. I keep talking to myself in between acceptance and still clinging to hope. I hate myself for thinking maybe I'm being a bad person for thinking the worst while the others are seeing hope it could turn things around. Am I just being realistic or just being a nasty person for thinking the worst already? I feel like shutting down really. But I can't give up, even if there are times I really want to, but no I can't. There must be something that could pivot what's happening now. Maybe. Oh please Lord there should be.
Saturday, July 30, 2022
Another close call today and I'm emotionally exhausted. But still thankful for the miracle. I hope please Lord let this blessing continue and hear our prayer. I'm still scared but glad it still didn't happen despite already preparing myself for the worst. But how many times will we have this scenario? Please Lord, hear our prayer
Friday, July 29, 2022
We almost lost today. I was quite convinced that this was it. But thankfully by some miracle, it wasn't. Still, the danger is there. I will still be scared each day but yes for now I'm thankful to God that this wasn't the day. And I hope it won't come soon enough. Please no.
Thursday, July 28, 2022
Another panic-inducing episode earlier this morning. I was ready to let go, to be honest. Because I was just so afraid that I felt I just need to face the music now. Of course, it's not over yet. Thank God. But the struggle will continue for sure. Lord give me strength.
Wednesday, July 27, 2022
Tuesday, July 26, 2022
Monday, July 25, 2022
So I was listening to this song on repeat on my way to work and back home. Yes, just one song during those two hours. It's such a fun song to listen to really. I love the whistle part. And maybe subconsciously I want that kind of vibe in my life
Sunday, July 24, 2022
I've been dealing with things, trying to be brave but I'm really scared of everything. A while ago I said no because I feel like some are only taking the first steps but the one they are pushing to face the more stressful stuff is me. Always me. Can you take this one for once? I've been living with so much mental and emotional torture now. What about trying to help to carry the burden for once? I didn't even want this to happen but I acknowledge that I'm letting fear and it's not the best use of judgment. I'm so confused and scared really. Everything is just so fragile.
Saturday, July 23, 2022
It's been a year since our lives have changed forever but still thankful that we survived that ordeal. It is still far from over and I'm constantly nervous but I'm thankful each day. I really hope there will be no more nightmares, I can deal with challenges of course but I really hope and pray things will get better and some of my worries will not happen. Please God
Friday, July 22, 2022
Thrilled to see one of the series we dubbed finally out on Netflix! The Filipino-dubbed ALICE IN BORDERLAND is now available on the platform! I didn't write a dubbing script for this one but just edited the dubbing scripts and did a quality check after it was dubbed.
Thursday, July 21, 2022
Some new projects are coming up and this is good for me so I can focus my mind on them rather than trapping myself in endless dread. I need to calm myself down internally because outside I look so okay. I don't want to let them feel what I truly feel because it would just add a problem to an already stressful situation. The things that are bothering me are beyond what I can handle but I have no choice but deal with matters at hand the best way I can. God help me please.
Wednesday, July 20, 2022
I'm having a hard time focusing because of recent events in my life,. It's so difficult to act normal when you feel so devastated inside. My mind is jumping to the worst-case scenario even if I try to contain my emotions. I have to be tough I keep telling myself but it's just so hard. I knew I can't really be happy.
Tuesday, July 19, 2022
Yeah, the reality is hitting me again. There's no escaping from it. I have to be brave but I am so afraid of what is coming. But it is what it is. I just have to be as calm as possible and not have a breakdown because there's no room for that, But Lord please, can this fear of mine just stay as paranoia and not come to fruition? Please.
Monday, July 18, 2022
I went random today and watched Top Gun: Maverick in a theater. The box office success made me curious. It was alright. I mean, the air fighter sequences were amazing but I just didn't connect with it that much. There was just me and a couple in the cinema though and maybe my moviegoing experience would have been better if I saw it with a giving crowd. Oh well!
Sunday, July 17, 2022
I was woken very early today because of a family health situation that really worried us so much. Thankfully, it wasn't what I was thinking because my mind could go to such lengths. I hope and pray that this won't happen again. What I realized though is that I should never really be complacent. Never.
Saturday, July 16, 2022
I'm currently working on a dubbing script for an upcoming family Halloween streaming movie! Since it is for kids, it's quite light to write (so far!) and it's a nice breather because I've been writing dubbing scripts for melodramas and a very wordy thriller series for the past few weeks! Also since this is a yet-to-be-released movie, it's just exciting to be one of the first to see it! That's why I really enjoy doing this kind of work! It takes a lot of my time but it's worth it!
Friday, July 15, 2022
The Netflix Original movie PERSUASION is now out! And we did the Filipino dubbing for it! It's my first project for a new Netflix title since the others were already out on the platform. I have another upcoming Netflix movie that I translated myself that was dubbed this week and it was a dubbing script I really worked hard on so excited when it finally comes out sometime this year. Anyway. back to Persuasion. I say my main contribution to this is translating "Frederick Wentworth rescues a beached whale as onlookers weep" to "Bumaha ng luha sa pagligtas ni Frederick Wentworth sa balyenang napadpad sa aplaya". It took me a long time to figure out how to translate it properly and capture the essence!
Thursday, July 14, 2022
Planning to do something to take my mind off things that make me so anxious. I hope it works even for just temporary relief. I need it badly, to be honest. I know it won't solve anything in the long run but hoping for at least a few moments I can have an escape from things that are imprisoning me. If it works out maybe I can do this as a regular escape from reality. I'm not totally hiding because I know it's not the way to go, I just want to cool off and recharge so I can face life's challenges with a better mindset and not just resort to endless despair. I hope it works!
Wednesday, July 13, 2022
Tuesday, July 12, 2022
A friend and I had a chat earlier about money can truly buy happiness! Yes, I agree so much! While I get it in a metaphorical sense but practically speaking money can really make you happy! I think some who say otherwise were born with a silver spoon so they don't get the struggle! I know I'm a little judgmental with what I typed earlier but it is kind of annoying when some people are totally clueless about the working class struggles!
Monday, July 11, 2022
Another night where my patience is being tested. Facing people's mood swings and irrational impulses. I'm so frustrated but doing my best to handle everything as calmly as possible. Trying my best not to panic and take it out on them. I gotta be patient and just allow things to blow off. But man the things running through my head right now. I feel like I'm going nuts. I bought something more than my allotted budget for it and now I feel like I'm being tested. I can't have nice things it seems.
Sunday, July 10, 2022
The new mayor in our town ended a two-decade family dynasty here. Expectations are quite high but early on he is making his mark by doing the most obvious and easily felt change which is road clearing in the main area of our barangay. It is so strict! To be honest, I don't know what to feel. I like the idea of discipline but I'm a bit wary if this is all surface-level changes. But then again too early to judge. I will remain hopeful for now.
Saturday, July 09, 2022
So I finally gave in and bought myself a new laptop! It's so good but most importantly it comes in with a licensed lifetime Microsoft Office! Yeah, that was my problem with the secondhand laptop I bought! I didn't realize that the MS Office it had was not genuine so yeah it was expiring in a few weeks and since I have no product code or something it will be basically useless! The laptop I bought is quite above the budget I intended for it because it comes in with the licensed MS Office but I just said to myself well it's time for me to not be stingy anymore and just dive in because having a working laptop is an essential need right now for my work! And you know what I have no regrets, I will work hard to get the money I spent here back into my savings but it really feels good to finally have a good laptop to use! I've been dealing with crappy laptops for the last 4 years because I wanted to save money! It was a terrible move really looking back. It's quite a miracle that I was able to make things work and still did my job during the pandemic era! But now with a really good laptop, I can be more productive than ever. For example, just a while ago I was able to make good progress with a dubbing script that I will be able to finish it by tomorrow, a few days before the deadline!
Friday, July 08, 2022
So the building where I work is in the news because of a tragic elevator accident where two maintenance people passed away. It's not the elevator that we use, it's on the other side, but still quite scary to think. When I went down, the people inside the elevator were making nervous jokes. In an odd way, it relaxes you somehow. On my way back to the building, the guard stopped me because he thought I was a reporter! Yes, I have a broadcast journalism degree but nope not a reporter! When I got home I saw it being reported live on TV and I now fully understood what went happened. It's really sad. Rest in peace to the two men who lost their lives today.
Thursday, July 07, 2022
Wednesday, July 06, 2022
Checking out laptops again. While this secondhand laptop I bought last year has been quite useful to me for work duties, I admit that it has a lot of limitations that will soon be a challenge on its functionalities . Now I'm thinking if it's time for me to buy a brand new one now. I have savings but to be honest I'm quite hesitant to use it because I worry I might need it for some emergency. Here I go again. I wish this wasn't such a hard choice to make.
Tuesday, July 05, 2022
Just finished another long day of work of doing multiple things: QC, scripting, and scheduling but of course, this is something I really feel fulfilled to be doing! I love to be this busy by doing things I truly like and in my element. Of course, I didn't give my all and still gave myself some space to breathe because I think one can function properly if there's enough rest to give yourself a reboot of some sorts! Anyway, off to sleep!
Monday, July 04, 2022
So I tried a new route on my commute back home and well it was a failed experiment as it took longer it should! But well I guess it's good to try than just wonder! I still have another possible route to try, maybe tomorrow or the next day. I'm just want alternatives for just in case situations. Sometimes I feel we're back to normal but it still isn't really. The cases are rising again though but unlike before I don't feel that anxious anymore especially hospitalizations are low. It's part of life now and I do hope one day we won't need to count them anymore
Sunday, July 03, 2022
My worst fear didn't happen thank God but still to be cautious. I will always be alert and frankly scared but for now I can breathe after stressing myself the past few days. With a clear head I can plan better for what could be next. I need to make the right choice while thinking a lot of factors in. But admittedly my fear is probably clouding my judgment. So please Dear Lord help me, guide me.
Saturday, July 02, 2022
Friday, July 01, 2022
My weekend of worry begins. Trying my best to relax although I feel like I'm seeing signs that it will lead to what I fear most. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it. Seeing something when there is none. I'm just terribly afraid that when I had moments of happiness earlier I reminded myself quickly that I couldn't do it yet. There's still something pending freaking me out inside. Oh Dear Lord please hear my prayer