I went off work early yesterday fearing heavy rains but when I was at the One Ayala bus station, I decided to look around what shops are now open and saw Fully Booked and randomly bought a book! 56 by Bob Ong! Prior to this, the last Bob Ong book I bought was Kapitan Sino. I used to collect Bob Ong books along with Pugad Baboy, Kiko Machine, Beerkada Young Blood, and Jessica Zafra. A collection started in High School until the early years of working. I stopped when life got in the way. I was reading 56 inside the bus while stuck in traffic and this is the kind of collection of personal essays that I really love reading. I really need to go back to reading again and not just scrolling aimlessly on my phone during idle times.
Friday, September 29, 2023
Recurring worries are bogging my mind right now. I feel so exhausted to be honest. I don't know what to do anymore. But I always need to carry on and fight every struggle. I guess this is what being an adult really is. I'm so down again. But hopefully, it's just a momentarily feeling. The last time I let this feeling, I went on to do things that I thought would make me happy but did nothing but give me more regrets. Oh dear heavens help me please
Thursday, September 28, 2023
Another week where there's no progress on some things. It is so sad but you need to hold on to that hope that things you wish for will finally come true. I hope it's pretty soon. I've been panicking already but I really need to chill. So good thing I made myself sure I will be occupied so I won't constantly think about it
Wednesday, September 27, 2023
Rolled the dice and pulled in some wins. While there are still things I really wish for longterm security taking things one day at a time is also good for my well-being. Finding things to enjoy lessens up the anxiety that could eat you alive. I'm still scared of many things but I need to be stronger and to do so is to compartamentalize and it's working at times like today. Hoping for good days ahead
Tuesday, September 26, 2023
Monday, September 25, 2023
I have so many rejection stories that I thought I was numb about this stuff already but as it turns out I'm not! Although this rejection is not directly for me still, as part of the group, it hurts me as well! I kinda of wish those days, I didn't know about the process because now that I know too much, I always hold my breath whenever opportunities knock in so now seen many closed doors the past few months. I've been feeling so much disappointment and yeah hurt as well. And the never-ending anxiety as well now fortified with this added stress which I really shouldn't have resorted myself in the first in the first place but what can I do, I care too much
Sunday, September 24, 2023
Worked on something very hard and complicated and very glad I was able to finish it. But I think I will check it again tomorrow just to make sure I didn't mess up! I don't want to mess up this one in particular! Anyway, hopefully good news ahead! Like I always hope with each start of the week
Saturday, September 23, 2023
Lying to oneself is something I guess a lot of us do. We know we it is a lie but we try to convince ourselves otherwise. But I guess it's trying to make sense of everything we have or the struggle we are facing. The hope is always to get to a place where you don't to yourself or notice at all
Friday, September 22, 2023
I was very busy the past two days and another busy weekend ahead too. But this is kind of busy that I love so much. Hope to be as booked as busy for the last 3 months of 2023! I'm really hoping more things to come really, we need it! But I am patient but also anxious but so far we are always kept afloat, so that's good!
Thursday, September 21, 2023
Wednesday, September 20, 2023
Some good news although it's gonna be a challenging one to pull off but still than just waiting and waiting. This is a door that opened that hopefully will lead to more. So tomorrow I'll focus on finishing some stuff so I can free my mind to make this one really pop.
Tuesday, September 19, 2023
Fear came knocking again. At least I handled things better now. It was a reminder that it will never go away so I just have to do my best to handle it and lessen the fear they feel and contain the fea I have as well. Lord, please always guide me and them. Help me not break apart.
Monday, September 18, 2023
Sunday, September 17, 2023
Saturday, September 16, 2023
Friday, September 15, 2023
Thursday, September 14, 2023
Wednesday, September 13, 2023
Tuesday, September 12, 2023
Monday, September 11, 2023
So happy I was able to accomplish two things I needed to do in a short time which admittedly was my own doing due to procrastination! I normally was able to estimate things better but I got complacent this time. Hopefully, nothing negative ensues as while I was cramped with time, I still made sure it won't be a crap job!
Sunday, September 10, 2023
Saturday, September 09, 2023
Friday, September 08, 2023
So some good lead hopefully to a new opportunity. But I've seen quite a number lately that don't go anywhere which really bums me. Hopefully, this one will really open the door. I really hope so because it is quite needed already. Crossing my fingers it works out. Please Lord!
Thursday, September 07, 2023
Finished two important things today and I have two that I need to get done in 3 days! I can do this. I'm glad this is what my mind is busy with and not resentment and frustrations. I also really some good news I've been hoping, waiting for will finally arrive in the coming days if not tomorrow because I've been anxiously waiting each day but for now I deal with the immediate matters on hand
Wednesday, September 06, 2023
Did a lot of things today and hopefully tomorrow I can my goal. Wasting my weekend away doing nothing is kinda costing me now but well I did need a break as well, right? Hopefully, all the things I need to finish will be done and over with. I always like being this busy though. It helps me focus my mind on worthwhile rather than drowning in anxiety!
Tuesday, September 05, 2023
I turn 36 today and I'm truly grateful for all the blessings I received and surviving the many challenges in life as I grow older. Thank you Lord for keeping my family safe. My birthday is for my family to stay healthy and safe and for the company I work to have consistent and more projects!
Monday, September 04, 2023
Sunday, September 03, 2023
I have a stack week ahead. I could have had a headstart today but I chose not to because there's still enough time. I slacked off a little I guess but I do think I need a break so I can be fully charged to do things for the week ahead. Hopefully it all goes all well.
Saturday, September 02, 2023
Friday, September 01, 2023
So I made a call today that is disadvantageous to me but I need to do it so I will be out of the limelight. And also help people out. I have to admit I've been somewhat selfish in protecting my interests. But after the big mistake I committed a few weeks ago, I felt like it was a result of me rationalizing how I was selfless so I needed to indulge myself. But I made the wrong choice. So here I am, doing things not just to help myself but others as well. The big picture so to speak. It's quite a task given the fragility of it all but I do really think this is for the best.