Monday, March 04, 2024


Already a lot of things I need to do this week again, actually the next 2 weeks or so. It's good and hoping for more because we need it! But always grateful for having the current things to do. I always want to be busy and last week I did well and hoping to keep that momentum

Sunday, March 03, 2024

3 hours

 I had a good afternoon nap today. I really worked hard this week just to make a lot of my to do list checked off! Glad I was able to accomplish that, cheers to more next week!

Saturday, March 02, 2024


 I can't really focus on something, there will always be a distraction [SIGHS]. It's really hard but I also fault myself for not really learning from previous stuff and continuing to make the same mistakes over and over again. Anyway, back to trying to focus again!

Friday, March 01, 2024

¡muchas gracias!

And TeleNovela Channel has reached its end. When the clock turned 12 AM, I gave a small applause on my desk facing my laptop. I am proud of what we've accomplished here. 

Thursday, February 29, 2024

Goodbye TeleNovela Channel Philippines

 Today is the end of Telenovela Channel Philippines. I've transitioned to other job responsibilities within the company now but still I'm gonna miss doing everything for this channel. I'm proud of my work here. 

Wednesday, February 28, 2024

3 in 3

 Yeah, I need to fulfill this all! But it's hard to fight "not feeling it" but I have to force myself really so I won't screw it up! Whew! But this is a good problem to have of course better than nothing of course

Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Hang of It

I'm so tired but glad to accomplish some things, still not on  my full goal but it's clicking to me now after struggling in the beginning. I still have some pending stuff to do and hopefully I can pull it off!

Monday, February 26, 2024


Set some goals and almost accomplished them but still have a way to go! Tomorrow is another tough, let's see if I can pull this off! I need to keep myself busy to keep the other stuff I do on balance! I definitely miss having that safety cushion

Sunday, February 25, 2024


 Okay, progress! Hopefully, I can finish it all today. The beginning is a struggle then when I get into it, I can do it non-stop then I get interrupted so going back to that kind of mode is quite hard. But this is all me and I need to focus really! Let's do this!

Saturday, February 24, 2024


I'm always in this constant battle of doing more and getting so overwhelmed that I just can't focus on one thing. I'm so confused at times about what I should do. If I could just sit down and not get any other thing to drive my focus away but it's impossible because I have to do a lot to keep things in order. And then I fight off this exhaustion by distracting myself with trivial things under the guise that I deserve it so I won't too overwhelmed but does it really? I'm in this constant battle now. I don't know how to win,.

Friday, February 23, 2024




After nearly a decade of doing the daily channel grid non-stop,  I've submitted the last one for TeleNovela Channel's final day of broadcast on Feb. 29.  Doing the channel grid is basically arranging the order of the broadcast assets that will air each day. I do it in Excel with a format that was designed by our Uplink facility. It was confusing at first and I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning but eventually got the hang of it and enjoyed doing so. Honestly, I could have finished this last one days ago but I've been quite busy (thank God for the new projects at work!) so I held it off. And well, I guess subconsciously I purposely delayed so it won't feel real yet.

Thursday, February 22, 2024

Full Slate

 One of those days that I am swamped but of course this is all good! Trying my best to maximize time and resources and hopefully, I will not mess this up. But it's gonna be hard especially something that I feld I need to do to justify the other thing and also help out. I handle some of it awhile and boy it was hard! But I can do it, I just need to organize my time better. 

Wednesday, February 21, 2024


 I'm so close to finishing this thing that I should have done long ago but I got lazy and gave excuses. But I can't afford to be like that again. So many things in queue now, which is good! No room for laziness! 

Tuesday, February 20, 2024


Goodbye, cold weather. I'll be missing those comfortable bed-worthy days. Now it's hot again. Uncomfortable days ahead! Sometimes I'm tempted to do work at home so I can wake up later but nope I won't be able to function well with this weather. I love aircon, I'm not ashamed of it! If only it won't be costly in electricity bills, I would have loved to have an airconditioned room but oh well I do still get aircon for about 4 hours each night then when we turn it off to save electricity! Oh life of the working class!

Monday, February 19, 2024


 So wasted a few hours funny YouTube shorts. I faced some minor inconvenience earlier that made me lose some of my marbles but I pulled myself back again and honestly watching something fun, relaxes me because long days ahead again!

Sunday, February 18, 2024


 Same story for me again this weekend. Planned to do something but I didn't! But my life will face some changes soon so I need to work on some things so I can do better. I can't afford to slack off because of the vulnerabilities in life. I regret neglecting one thing before because it's going to be gone soon. Oh well! I'm just a mess these days but not totally messing up to make things catasthropic though!

Saturday, February 17, 2024

Look back

My brother and I were talking about how we see people being nostalgic about 2015 era and such because it just feels new to us but then again it isn't that fresh anymore and those in their 20s are now really in their nostalgia phase as well. The passage of time is really fascinating

Friday, February 16, 2024


 After nearly a decade of doing the daily channel grid non-stop, I'm now down to the last 9 days (Feb. 21-29).  I'm really gonna miss doing this. Of course, there were times, when I thought it was such a hassle to do it but it has become a part of my life. And to be honest, I got it into podcasts because I listen to it while doing the daily channel grids.  I can finish all the 9 days in a matter of a days but maybe I'll take it slow and savor while it lasts 

Thursday, February 15, 2024

19 Years

 I forgot to blog again on the exact this blog started lol but hey it's awesome that I get to keep this blog 19 years later. I'm basically screaming in the void now but I love it. I can be open yet somehow not at the same time. Oh well, a lot of long-running things in life has ended or will about to end but I sure do this digital space I have here will remain. 

Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Winding Down

 As the days are coming by and it's nearing the end of the channel I devoted practically the last decade of my life, I still can't help but feel sad about a chapter closing.  It sucks it couldn't continue anymore because I really liked doing it. Now, I'm gonna face new challenges at work and while I'm ready and grateful to still to have work despite the ending of my main task, it's still gonna to not do daily channel grids anymore. Not plan what new programs to acquire and planning the year programming flow. Oh well. It is what it is.

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

Read Again

 Paid all the bills today and I rewarded myself by buying another book    again! The Three Body Problem which I had been looking for since last year. I haven't finished the book I read book last week yet though 😅 But I do feel I deserve to buy something I want though. And it is just recently that I'm trying to back to reading books again so I'm loading up!

Monday, February 12, 2024


 So glad to see some good news today after I've been stressing about it. At least some security in the next months ahead. But hoping for more good news this week just to make things more secure. Doors are closing so hopefully other doors will open soon enough. 

Sunday, February 11, 2024


 So spent the weekend doing nothing that productive aside from my usual family responsibilities but I don't feel guilty this time since there's a good window for me to unload and forget all the stress away even for just a few hours, I'll take it

Saturday, February 10, 2024


 I've seen this and it's really good. Also, can't wait for the Netflix adaptation as well, it's such engrossing novel

Friday, February 09, 2024


The Recording Academy / GRAMMYs uploaded on their site Fast Car live performance of Tracy Chapman and Luke Combs. I can't get over how good this performance is. When I heard Luke Combs' cover I was pretty meh about it and I was annoyed when it peaked higher (#2) on the Billboard Hot 100 than Tracy's original (#6). But this performance gave me a new perspective on the cover. Seeing him performing it live I appreciated his vocals and especially the sincerity in paying tribute to Tracy. His cover being a hit reminded people of how great Tracy Chapman is as well as reaching a new generation as well. This song is almost as old as me and it was one of the songs that I heard over the years on radio. But hearing Tracy Chapman perform it live at this age just hits differently. The passage of time just makes it more special. There was another Grammys performance that embodied this kind of sentiment as well - Joni Mitchell singing Both Sides Now at age 80! Music is a very powerful time capsule.

Thursday, February 08, 2024

Food for the Brain

 I went to a bookstore earlier just to check around and found a copy of journalist Patricia Evangelista's book. Immediately bought it. I read the first few parts on the bus home. A heavy but engrossing read. It's about her coverage of the drug war in the country. I've been feeling hopeless a lot lately so you know reading this book isn't the best thing but I will always have journalism in my heart and about a journalist's journey is something I will not resist.

Wednesday, February 07, 2024


 I almost gave in. Good thing I really did learn from what happened last year. Never again. But moments like this happen from time to time, I just need to have presence of time so I won't commit that mistake again. It's hard but doable

Tuesday, February 06, 2024

Orange Juice

Today I witnessed a good gesture. Letting go was the easier choice but they didn't do it. Highly appreciated. I had some qualms before but glad to know that I made the right choice.

Monday, February 05, 2024

Fast Car

 Because of the Grammys performance tonight, it reminded me of how BEAUTIFUL and TIMELESS this song is. The song is almost as old as I am and now I'm at this age and experience some lifechanging, this just takes a new meaning

Sunday, February 04, 2024

Lights Off

On a seemingly okay day then something happens that should have not happened if only they don't seek drama where there is none. But well, I try to understand that maybe it's just a result of pressure of being needed all the time so meltdowns happen but it's pretty exhausting. I do act as if nothing stressful is happening because the last thing needed is to add more drama. Pretend is the key.

Saturday, February 03, 2024

Not Quite

 Close to finish but not there yet. I still missed my target because I just can't focus at certain times and now some unnecessary drama blocked my way again. Oh well, it's so tiring. But I need to march on and deal with stuff head-on like I always do. There's no other choice unless I want to fully wreck everything, I'll never do that. I'm tired but not a fool

Friday, February 02, 2024

17 minutes

 Another challenging weekend ahead, I made some strides today but still not enough to reach the goal I wanted. Hopefully, I won't fail tomorrow. 

Thursday, February 01, 2024

Another Farewell

 When I was younger, one of my so-called peculiarities was that I played armchair program scheduler where I made schedules for TV or radio stations, real and imagined! So the fact that I was able to do actual programming planning for a real cable channel was something I really enjoyed. We are a niche cable channel but we have dedicated viewers, especially the senior citizens who watch our channel in the wee hours of the morning because they either woke up early or they can't sleep yet. If there is one thing that's making me sad about the channel's impending end is thinking of those viewers especially those who would regularly message or post on our Facebook page over the years. They were the viewers who would bombard their cable operators when our channel had no signal. Alas, the changing landscape of cable television eventually caught my beloved TeleNovela Channel as well. Job-wise, I'm fine because for the past few years, I have been on double duty doing other projects and in charge of other responsibilities for the company. However, being the channel coordinator was my main job and for the better part of my working life - it was my world. I'm gonna miss this channel so much but definitely grateful for the experience.

Wednesday, January 31, 2024


 More things to worry about I guess. Oh my. It just never ends but after learning about what happened to a friend just today, it kept me in check to not ignore the fact that my worst fear is not here. I'm grateful to that of course but it just worrying

Tuesday, January 30, 2024

Size 8

 I don't have much but at least I can give something that is appreciated. I wish I could give more but this is the best I could do given everything I'm dealing with. Oh dear Lord, please hear our prayers, I always get nervous each time it happens but I'm trying my best not to be engulfed by fear again. 

Monday, January 29, 2024

One Month

 It's hard to let go of something that has been quite in my life for the last decade or so. But I knew someday it would happen and I thought I prepared myself for this already but now that it is a reality, it really sucks. But you gotta march on and hopefully opportunities will still come in. 

Sunday, January 28, 2024


 Here I go but only slightly better but I need to do better as this will be my sole focus now in just a few weeks. I need to balance everything and be more focused. Before everything gets too messed up

Saturday, January 27, 2024


 Seeing some concerns and yet we can't address it yet is breaking my heart. We are just very small community but I still cherish every single one who valued us. I hate seeing this happen.

Friday, January 26, 2024


 So many things happening and I'm really sad and devastated. I'm trying to keep it in and trying to remain positive. I deeply regret the times I felt that this was a nuisance that was stopping me from focusing on this other thing. Everything is so vulnerable now so I am nervous but I need to continue marching on.

Thursday, January 25, 2024


 So the confirmation I've been waiting for happened today. I am very sad but I can't deny that I saw it coming. I was hoping against all odds but just so many factors that practically happened at the same time that led to this result. It's just hard to keep it going so  I have no choice but to accept and make the most of what it's left. At least there's some good news though because one thing I feared didn't come to fruition and hopefully it stays that way for stability. 

Wednesday, January 24, 2024


 I'm still in a daze. Still worried of what's to come but also preparing myself for the worst. But I'm trying to stay positive that good thing will come our way soon. I badly need it. Not just me but all of us.

Tuesday, January 23, 2024


 Another day where I am left bothered by an impending doom. I'm still hoping it still could be saved because this has been a big part of my life and losing it for good will suck so much. And of course, it is a security blanket.

Monday, January 22, 2024


 I really need to pick myself and be optimistic that this won't be the end of it all. I hope they find a way to make it work and give another least in life. It's been hanging over my head for the 2 months and the lack of resolution is really making me so anxious. 

Sunday, January 21, 2024

Clean up

 I really got lazy today and I might be messy tomorrow, oh no! But let's see maybe I can do a quick fix up! But I'm getting tired of fixing things to be honest. 

Saturday, January 20, 2024


Another day of me trying to get things done but laziness got in the way. I sometimes question why I get myself into situations like this where I'm not directly benefitting but I don't know I just want to be nice and make things run smooth I guess because I feel like it's my responsibility as well. It's my fault for not asserting myself I guess but at the end, it really is not a bad thing. I just need to figure how to balance everything. 

Friday, January 19, 2024


 I'm starting to get worried again. Nothing of importance this week has come. I need the tank to be full again or even over capacity. That's a good problem to have and not this worry about things not working well. Plus this other thing where they are making unnecessary complicated. But I remind myself that I don't really know what's going on. I hope something comes up next week. We need MORE.

Thursday, January 18, 2024


 I regret that I did sort of wish that this one block would go away so I'll have an easier but now without it, everything seems to be in limbo. It's so disheartening that there's just no clarity right now. Hanging in the balance, doing things as they go along. No clear path. I hope my questions will be answered soon enough.

Wednesday, January 17, 2024


Floating. Not really sure where the road is heading. I understand why it is being evaluated but there are just other complications for them not to at least give one more go for that remaining period. It is really making me feel listless for over a month now. What a bummer

Tuesday, January 16, 2024


So I immediately paid for slacking off yesterday. I hate that sometimes I need to feel pressured to overcome laziness! I don't like buzzer-beater moments and yet I am dragging myself to those moments more often these days. I need better discipline because I can't afford to mess this up. But I do need to learn how to give myself breaks so I won't feel lazy again

Monday, January 15, 2024


 I think I got tired over the weekend so I needed some pause today. Also there are personal things I need to do as well as a way to watch over things and lessen things I get stressed about. Hopefully, I'll be back tomorrow in full form

Sunday, January 14, 2024

Pinky Promise

 After posting that I was "in the zone" last night, it came all crashing down and I was lured into procrastination! I had to pay for it today but at least I was able to pull it off. However, it's not a good feeling though to cram because of my laziness. I still have some things left to do and hopefully I'll do better time management this time and focus better. I really need it so much

Saturday, January 13, 2024

In The Zone

 A little late but better than never. Laser-focused now to finish this up that has been long delayed. I need to get my mojo back and I'm getting it again. So here it goes!

Friday, January 12, 2024

Just Never Is

That's why I can't hold on to any positive feelings because it wouldn't last and something else would happen that would ruin everything. I always try to control not to feel upset anymore and just look on the bright side of things but how could I when there's always something that will trigger something chaotic that should not happen in the first place. So tired.  I don't want to be ungrateful but I just want to vent my never-ending frustrations in life 

Thursday, January 11, 2024

On the way

 Inside a jeep right now and driving myself mad thinking of terrible scenarios. It is always like this whenever a day like this comes around. Help me be calm dear Heavens 

Wednesday, January 10, 2024


 This is it again. I'm scared but also I feel defeated. I'm worried but I'm also tired of this feeling. But I don't want to feel this way because the other option is just scarier. Whatever happens again, I just have to be strong as much as I can.

Tuesday, January 09, 2024

Hybrid Cufflinks

 I was able to finish something on my goal list today and now focusing on doing something that will give me some breathing room because I still have like two major things left to do, But I like this, I hope more of this all througout the year!

Monday, January 08, 2024

Here we go!

 I'm swamped again with many things to do! I like it but I also blaming myself because the load could have been lighter if I wasn't so lazy last weekend! But well, time to focus again and do stuff as fast as possible without sacrificing quality!

Sunday, January 07, 2024


I felt saw when I saw my favorite meat shop closed already. I had a feeling it was going under because nearly every time when I bought there for the past year or so, I was the only one. They are not that pricey compared to the ones sold in the wet market and they have quality stuff but oh well that is just how life is.

Saturday, January 06, 2024

Thinking About It

 Despite some happy stuff the past few days,  I'm here again pondering on things that are making me so sad. I wish I could stop this feeling but I really can't. There are just so many things making me feel so sad. Worries and anxieties, if they would only go away

Friday, January 05, 2024


 Got new eyeglasses today after more than 5 years. The previous was still generally usable but had scratches already that had been bothersome lately and well I haven't bought myself anything last Christmas so why got gift myself something quite useful too!

Thursday, January 04, 2024


 I was not expecting it anymore but I just learned to have lower expectations so I won't get hurt that much but this time, I'm so happy to be wrong! It's the pick-me-up I much needed after everything really, It's really giving me a boost right now and more driven to do better!

Wednesday, January 03, 2024


    I'm so busy because I need to finish a lot of things, I accepted a lot of stuff thinking I could do some things in advance during the holiday break but nah I was lazy then. I was wrong that I could be in the mood to do work during those days but hey I'm playing catch up and it's all good. I feel driven because I always to start the year right work-wise!

Tuesday, January 02, 2024

Ch. 126

 So it finally happened today but still, I'm clinging on to hope that maybe they change their mind. There's some reaction when it's missing so it wasn't totally ignored. I know in the grand scheme it's still a small thing but I hope they listen. 

Monday, January 01, 2024


 Three straight years of posting something daily on my 18-year-old blog! Well, it's mostly just random and vague angst-filled musings but it definitely helped me process emotions when I'm anxious. It's like screaming into the void these days since no one really blogs anymore but I like it that way. As long as Google keeps Blogspot around, I'll be posting.