Wednesday, July 24, 2024

Downpour

 Work was suspended today because the typhoon really hit Metro Manila hard! It's been awhile that a typhoon of that gravity happened again in this area. I like a cold weather but typhoon really is stressful, I could tolerate the intense heat more that happen this year. Weather is just so extreme these days

Tuesday, July 23, 2024

Truck

 Rainy weather. Some inconveniences and dampened spirit. But it's nothing, there is something to be happy and excited about. That's what should I should focus

Monday, July 22, 2024

160

 Yeah, no matter how smooth you try to cover all bases, there's always this mishap that you will always get the short end of the stick. It's so annoying. I'm freaking tired. I want those involved to realize it on their own because despite doing all your best, you still get that awful treatment. They should know better how to treat things better. Speaking up to deaf selfish ears won't matter. A lose-lose situation so what's the point of fighting back, setting things right. Just bury deep inside like what you always do, right? Just pretend you didn't get hurt. Maybe you'll finally feel free without guilt. Without worry. But this is not it. Just bottle it all up and divert attention. That's what you always do anyway, right? Maybe someday you'll get the appreciation you deserve, Maybe it will be all worth it in the end. Maybe

Sunday, July 21, 2024

Cuts

 I'm exhausted looking after things. I don't want to feel this way because the alternative is much worst given how I am such a paranoid person but I'm just perpetually tired. It's something beyond my control even if I try not to feel it but I just can't help it. I feel trapped because even if I try to escape the guilt and fear will linger on so there's no sense of peace anyway. I have no choice but deal with these things every single day. Last year, I tried to do an escape and just led to bigger consequences. So yeah, just sit down and deal with it. 

Saturday, July 20, 2024

Strains

 Another thing added to my list of stressors right now. But praying hard that this will not lead to bigger and more complicated things because frankly speaking I'm having difficulty dealing with what I'm shouldering now but I just carry on. Another one will just push me even harder to misery. And I don't want to feel this way especially it affects loved ones.  I really need to be strong yet again but I'm so overwhelmed with everything.  

Friday, July 19, 2024

Eyy!

As things dry up, I am getting paranoid again!  I hope something comes up soon because I really don't want to be stressed again about this matter. But I need to calm down and just hope and pray, new windows will open soon. 

Thursday, July 18, 2024

Yeah, Again.

 I really should have not raised my hopes up because now I'm disappointed and admittedly prematurely at that. It's the same rodeo with so much uncertainty. Same process and perhaps the same result. I wish it was not but I've seen this before and most of the time it ends up like this. I will just have to carry on again and hope for the best later on. 

Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Hope so

In less than an hour, something will happen which I hope will lead to fruitful results. We really need it.  As I see things dwindle, I start to panic already although I need to relax really because it's not an alarming level yet but I'm just so paranoid that any signs of weakness gives me so much scared already. I hope to hear good news tomorrow. 

Tuesday, July 16, 2024

Interrupted

I could do so much if I didn't get interruptions every now and then. Some of my own doing but some are out of the blue anxiety inducing moments that really ruins my process because my goes haywire and I can't find the energy to finish things. And I need it so bad now. 

Monday, July 15, 2024

17811

 Finished quite a lot today then tomorrow, I will take on yet another challenge, it's something that's more difficult but I survived it last week so I can again this time. But still kinda scared of things because it is drying up but hopefully something comes soon enough!

Sunday, July 14, 2024

Junk

I've been trying to avoid exposing my self too much with anxiety-inducing world affair news . Sometimes, I can't resist and everytime I do, it instantly reminds why I avoid it in the first place. I just don't the head space to handle those things anymore. 

Saturday, July 13, 2024

YR

I got sucked again in a time warp of some sort. Drunk in nostalgia! But there's always that nice, comfortable feeling that this gives you. But it could be misleading so you need to manage everything as well and not fall too deep into just everything all good in the past, everything now bad. We just look sometimes at rose-colored glasses. 

Friday, July 12, 2024

CALL

I hope this potential will come to fruition. I've learned to manage expectations and not raise my hopes but always cling to hope. Chapters are closing so I really hope there will be new chapters to open soon. Praying hard for it. 

Thursday, July 11, 2024

Oh My

 I'm feeling better now physically speaking but mentally troubled again with so many things bothering me again. And I chose to escape by doing inconsequential nonsense stuff. Let tomorrow be where I get things back to usual. It's been quite chaotic past 2 days for me.

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Sick

Under the weather now. First time in awhile I have gotten sick so I took a leave from work today. I had a throbbing head and had chills but good thing I feel a little better now, not totally cured yet so I'm taking another leave tomorrow just to be sure. I have things to do but I won't be thinking about it that much.

Tuesday, July 09, 2024

Argh!

Out of all times that I feel under the weather it had to be today when I'm close to finishing something quite hard to do. I'm really struggling to finish it off because the medicine I drank is making me sleepy! I want to finish this tonight but the bed is calling! What to do? 

Monday, July 08, 2024

Clear

Accompanied my mother for her cataract surgery and things went well. It's just one eye though because we just want to take it slowly so she won't get overwhelmed. The wait was long but the actual operation was short and Nanay said she didn't feel anything bad, thank God

Sunday, July 07, 2024

Kuan


 

Nanay enjoyed this. Hearing her mother tongue spoken by celebrities was a treat for her. She enjoyed explaining some things to me. I do understand a little bisaya because growing up my parents would say it or mix it up with their tagalog. This is such a good idea for a show and looking forward to the next episodes. 

Saturday, July 06, 2024

Dig

 Went to some places today to handle some stuff and it was okay in general except for some areas with traffic due to roadworks which conveniently happens when elections are near. So yeah!

Friday, July 05, 2024

Back

 In another twist, what I thought canceled was reversed! So it will happen now. I'm quite pleased although it gave me some stress but what's important is it is pushing though! Hoping for more positive news in the days to come. 

Thursday, July 04, 2024

Kibosh

 Something I was working hard on the past 2 days had an unexpected change. Honestly, I'm annoyed but what I can do about it right? No one's fault though. Circumstances just weren't ideal. Anyway, there are still to work and I do hope I'll be able to make things happen. Stil hoping for some new doors to open again because I'm a little anxious already. 

Wednesday, July 03, 2024

Charts

 As a chart geek, seeing the Philippines Hot 100 licensed by Billboard was nice. This is not the first time though, there was an authorized Billboard PH Hot 100 too in 2017 but it shut down in early 2018 barely lasting a year. I hope this will last longer. I would have killed to have worked for Billboard PH a decade ago but I'm not that kind of chart geek anymore. Still, chart watching will always be a thing I would love to casually follow now. 

Tuesday, July 02, 2024

Is there?

There is something not really connected in my personal life but I'm too attached that  I try to avoid because I get too engrossed. Most of the time it is entertaining but can't help but feel bad sometimes because of it. Like right now there's some incident that triggered my annoyance, frankly anger because of past events. I should avoind getting into deep that again. I'm too old now to get lost in something inconsequential in my life. 

Monday, July 01, 2024

Kinse

My 15th year working for the same company! Time flies and cheers to more years! Grateful to have found a stable job in an area I enjoy doing. I might not earn that much but I do like my comfort zone here
especially as I grow old. 

Sunday, June 30, 2024

EC

 Hoping for the best tomorrow. Actually for the whole week. I successfully managed to not dwell so much with my anxious thoughts but now that I'm about to sleep it creeped in. But I'm doing my best to hold on to hope that there will be nothing to be so worried. Please Lord.

Saturday, June 29, 2024

Winds

The Filipino-dubbed version of the Korean political drama THE WHIRLWIND now streaming on Netflix! It's quite a tough project'








to do but a very interesting show nonetheless!



Friday, June 28, 2024

Pump it Up

 It was a challenge but glad I did settle two things before the weekend because if I slipped again it would be another struggle! I still have some pending things but manageable with room to do other stuff. Now, I'm looking ahead and there is still stuff to do but hopefully, more are coming because I'm getting worried again and my mind goes haywire! 

Thursday, June 27, 2024

Bum

 Plans had an unexpected change today which was needed. I thought I will be able to maximize it but yeah I failed again and willingly distracted with human interest stuff! Hopefully, tomorrow is better. I had some anxious moments today as well although it was supposed to be something good but my mind just works this way

Wednesday, June 26, 2024

9am

 I'm nervous about something tomorrow. I tend to bury that deep in my thoughts but as always it will always find a weakness to sneak out and bother me. Oh Lord, please don't let it be something worrisome. 

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

A few months

 Good progress today and I really hope to keep it up. Some news I've been waiting for finally came today as well but then my mind went overboard thinking of the future. I do hope to get more positive leads this week because it's been stressful again!

Monday, June 24, 2024

Flock

I'm more of a Spotify streamer than a radio listener these days but radio still has that magic to me. I heard Billie Eilish's BIRDS OF A FEATHER on air and it sounded more beautiful. The song has been on repeat on my Spotify today! It's so good!



Sunday, June 23, 2024

Transfer

 Oh, I didn't expect something. It's a big responsibility but I can handle it. And maybe it opens an opportunity to do something that will lead somewhere better. Let's see.

Saturday, June 22, 2024

Fit

I got worried again that things could be going back to that level but for now it doesn't seem to be. I know this is how my fate is now but I just can't help but feel anxious all the time. I really my worst fears won't happen. 

Friday, June 21, 2024

Six

 It's been over a year since I made that colossal mistake. A mistake that led to repeated mistakes until reality finally slapped me back to my senses. From time to time I still think about how I screwed up big time but thank goodness I was able to put a stop before I feel even deeper. I'm still quite torn if that thing was necessary for me to happen or if I could have avoided it altogether if I used my brain. Nevertheless, it is something that will forever haunt me. May it never happen again.

Thursday, June 20, 2024

Mojo

Feeling a bit restless. I keep on waiting for something but it just won't and it is honestly making me so worried! I hope for some good news for this matter soon enough

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Book Carts

 Dropped by Big Bad Wolf book sale in Glorietta earlier. Didn't buy anything because don't have the budget yet but it was great to see so many people and some having grocery-like carts for the books they purchased or about to buy. It will be there until next week so hoping I can buy something before it endds 

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Waiting....

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not because I don't like suspense that muc. I already did some stuff to cushion a potential blow but I really just want to know it already. I feel a bit stressed because of uncertainty but hey nothing I can do but just wait. 

Monday, June 17, 2024

Describe

 Doing something new at work today and starting it was a challenge but I'm getting the groove of it now and hopefully I'll be able to finish it tomorrow because I have a lot on my plate! 

Sunday, June 16, 2024

Low Key

It was a good day in general. A day I didn't stress out much, maybe tomorrow?! Hopefully not!

Saturday, June 15, 2024

4k

 This Is my 4000th post here, a bit of a milestone I suppose. But I am glad google had not taken down blogger yet despite not being popular anymore. This is one of the few places left when i started using the internet so glad to still have this.

Friday, June 14, 2024

Jeep

 I don't want to feel resentment anymore because there are still good things to be glad about but life keeps on challenging me. O already made so much adjustments to cater to others and eventually it consumed me whole that I no longer feel comfortable with a lot of things in life. exhausted 😔

Thursday, June 13, 2024

Feelings!

 Inside Out 2 is the biggest opening day at the box office in the Philippines this year with 88.8 million pesos (around $1.5M) 3rd biggest opening here EVER after the last 2 Avenger movies!It is quite a shocker since box office this year in my country is down, only one big hit in Godzilla x Kong. I know Inside Out 2 will do well but not 3rd biggest opening day ever big!

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Table

 Finally finished something I've been working on for the past few days. I wanted to do other stuff so I can cross off some things on my list but I am not in the mood to do it. Another hectic days ahead but I like it. I like being busy. Especially now I've been stressing about something again.

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

Big

 On my way to One Ayala Bus Terminal for my bus home, the mall was jampacked because of the BINI fan event there. The mall is new and has a few tenants and it's not really general public appealing so foot traffic is usually slow so this was my first time seeing it jampacked! Quite exciting to see a local act received this level of support these days especially among younger folks, 

Monday, June 10, 2024

Sun

 I'm going to be annoyed over a very shallow thing so I need to get my attention away from it as early as now. For my own good as well but sometimes I can't but get affected over such silly thing so I need to get myself out of the situation where it will just provoke me to do nonsene!

Sunday, June 09, 2024

Here

Next week will be one of those weeks that I dread but mainly because of my own self-inflicted fears. I hope and pray everything goes well.  I try to mask my anxiety by distracting with other things but you really can't escape those things, you just have to deal with it. 

Saturday, June 08, 2024

Thank Goodness!

 Feels good to do something that met my goal. Hopefully, this streak continues but learning how to balance things as well these days has been improving as well. But of course I still need to persevere and eliminated bad habits that have been such an impediment!

Friday, June 07, 2024

Red

 Things are just not going to be okay. That's why I can't be complacent because there's always something that will come that will make me anxious again. I try not to worry about it too much but I can't help it. I hope this one is just something that's not too serious and that I'm just being a nervous wreck like usual. 

Thursday, June 06, 2024

Hybrid

 The final season of Sweet Tooth is now out on Netlflic! Translated 4 episodes of the final season for Filipino dubbing and really enjoyed the show and left me wanting for more! But it did have a good conclusion and really quite mature for a show branded as children. 

Wednesday, June 05, 2024

Vessel

 I was finally able to close this one that have been quite the struggle for me the last 4 months, mostly my fault because I got lazy at times, I got so messy but no to the point that it became a total disaster. The next set for this one will hopefully not be that soon though because I need a break from it so I can freshen my mind! But always grateful for everything.

Tuesday, June 04, 2024

Vida

I think I saw something that might be a mistake but hopefully it's not! I hope it's a door to another opportunity for us. I just want to feel more secure really. I am always worried that things could go wrong.  I just don't want to be complacement. 

Monday, June 03, 2024

Rooms

Something I knew was coming was finally confirmed today. Quite a challenge but excited for something new to do. I'm a little bit annoyed because I was trying to help someone out but he didn't seem to be into it or lacks the focus to do so. Oh well, I hope the person realizes what he needs to do here. 

Sunday, June 02, 2024

Mines

 New month and hoping for more blessings to come and also less stress in life of course. This week had been quite fruitful and hope to keep the momentum going as I welcome another weeek. Thank you Lord!

Saturday, June 01, 2024

Karera

 I've seen videos of graduation songs lately using BINI's Karera. Such a fun song to do on a special day for the graduates. And the meaning is quite apt, especially for college graduates. Life is indeed not a race but it's really hard not to feel like it is so whatever boost you need to hold, do it. 

Friday, May 31, 2024

Pacing

I struggled at first this week but I turned it around and probably had my best output in a long time. Still have some goals to meet but so glad to end the month on a less chaotic note. Next month, let's make it smoother!

Thursday, May 30, 2024

Next Again

 Something I dreamed of doing and hoped to start once again didn't pan out. I didn't even try. Oh, well. I hope there is a next time. 

Wednesday, May 29, 2024

Designs

Good to know some things are clearing up now. Still need to work on some stuff but and I still do give in to some of my worst tendencies but it is improving and I will continue to my best to have a less chaotic flow!

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

School

 My nephew graduated junior high school. In the old days, he would be entering college the next school year but it's now senior high which I think is fine really because he basically just had 2 years of real high school, as he spent his first 2 years online school due to the pandemic. And I also do think 18 is good to enter college, although I know a lot of Pinoys are bemoaning the fact of another two years, I get the concern but I do think it is a necessary change that will have long-term benefits. Anyway, time flies really because his elementary "graduation" done at home and on Facebook due to covid is still fresh on my mind.  

Monday, May 27, 2024

67th!

 Happy Birthday Nanay! Thank you Lord for always guiding my mother.




Sunday, May 26, 2024

Saturday, May 25, 2024

Mighty Little Man

 Young Sheldon returned in our Netflix Top 10 here (Philippines). Maybe it's finale publicity even if the final season is not out on our Netflix yet but it did receive quite some coverage on local online media. US shows don't really do that well here compared to the dominance of Korean dramas and anime. And if some manage to breakout, it usually is a Netflix original megahit, very rarely do acquisitions do that well in our market, some would appear on the week it was added as House did. YS is also the same but it stayed #1 for a while and was in the top 10 for a few more weeks before it dropped out, so for it to return to the top 10 again is interesting to me.


I also found out my nephew, the same age as Iain Armitrage, had been watching it on Netflix. My nephew doesn't watch US shows really, he's more into anime youtube videos about minecraft/roblox. He actually wasn't aware of Big Bang Theory until I told him and now he plans to watch it after YS . So seems like YS is really catching on.

Friday, May 24, 2024

Racoon

Today felt like quite lazy. Just one of those days. I was still able to do things but not to the best of my potential but it's okay. Not a total loss!

Thursday, May 23, 2024

Frog

 I struggled yet again but ultimately made it through. It's kinda crazy really but I'm totally learning as I go along. I hope I'll be able to do better the next few days and not mess up anymore. 

Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Vibes

 Once again I feel tired that I'm finding ways to boost energy. I just want to avoid unnecessary stress but why do the surroundings keep on poking things. I'm exhausted with it all. I don't want to be ungrateful but I just feel annoyed that I can't get some peace of mind. Yes, it could be worst I know but sometimes even little things can get you if you are tired. 

Tuesday, May 21, 2024

7

It's nearing the anniversary - weird to call it that - of the big mistake.  In a way, I need to experience that because if I didn't I would probably still on the tunnel and probably could have done worse. But it still sucks remembering that one. And also sad because the root cause of that mistake was something - I couldn't find the right words really.  I really hope to not commit that mistake again.

Monday, May 20, 2024

Receiving End

 I'm tired of being the absorber of every bad feeling of others. I'm not the one to blame others; I try not to panic anymore and to be as patient as possible. But man, it is hard. It never ends. That's why I am what I am now. Not confrontational. Avoiding drama. Avoiding stress. I have enough that will last me a lifetime. 

Sunday, May 19, 2024

Sink

Uncomfortable moment again. But I'm just thinking now it could have been worst, so this is just a little better I guess. It happened a lot of times but it always make me feel so uneasy each time. 

Saturday, May 18, 2024

Jumps

I haven't seen a movie in a theater in such a long time. It's a mixed of not having the time and also saving up money. But I do hope to catch one movie anytime soon. Just to unwind and get immersed again. I probably need that to recharge! It's pretty clear that my attempt to do productive stuff 90% of the time is not really ideal as I do still get overwhelmed and I act out by procrastinating so you know I just get myself into more mess. I need to find the balance. 

Friday, May 17, 2024

Bazinga

 Watch the last 2 episodes of Young Sheldon, the penultimate was really good and touching. The finale though was nice but felt a little short and had the feels of a season rather than a series finale. Nevertheless, I enjoyed watching for the past 7 years. I'm gonna miss it!

Thursday, May 16, 2024

Living

 After two days of being very focused and busy, I let myself be distracted but I snapped my head back at the last minute and did what I should have done today! I still have some things left to arrange and hopefully, I can make it all work. The past 3 months really were such a challenge to me. I struggled, I managed to do things right, I repeated mistakes. I pull myself back again. It's been such a crazy ride and I'm hanging on. 

Wednesday, May 15, 2024

Snuck

 Tomorrow is another day where I also felt too complacent but I should not be. I need to be prepared for anything, especially the ones that scare me so much. It's been this way for the last few years but the fear never changes. I sometimes tend to forget about it and I freaked out everytime I realized that I did. I'm scared of being too comfy because something unexpected may happen. It's difficult living this way but I live one day at a time. 

Tuesday, May 14, 2024

Escargot

Another struggle today to finish something but I felt something off today so I'm going to try again tomorrow. This always happens when I did something more consistent then the next is a struggle to start. Hopefull, tomorrow will be alright. 

Monday, May 13, 2024

75 minutes

I was able to finish something today that was not easy but I have another urgent thing which I just found today that it was urgent! I should have made some advances over the weekend but oh well I always find myself in this kind of situation but well this is a good kind of problem to deal with. But I do really want to be less chaotic though and I hope to get that soon. 

Sunday, May 12, 2024

Mother's Day

 I am just so grateful to the Lord that Nanay is still with us. Everyday I always pray for her good health. My life totally changed but just seeing Nanay happy with some of the small stuff I give her or gestures, makes me happy. More Mother's Day with her please Lord.

Saturday, May 11, 2024

Second

 Sometimes life will remind what you lack. Just when you think you are okay with where you are, there's always that will remind you it isn't enough and you could have been more. 

Friday, May 10, 2024

Window

 I got complacent and lazy again so I wasn't able to fully finish something I needed to do. It's not that bad but my OC tendency sometimes will make me go paranoid now! But oh well it's gonna be OK! I hope!

Thursday, May 09, 2024

Dental

 I haven't been to a dentist in a decade. Shameful I know. Why I haven't visited? FEAR. Fear of pain, fear of getting shamed because of my poor teeth and most especially fear of cost But I do need to go to one now, not because I have toothache but I've noted how poor my gums are. I hope I can find a good one that alleviate my fears.

Wednesday, May 08, 2024

Close But Not

 I almost reached a goal today but I had to set it aside earlier for something that I needed to accomplish because I've been slacking that one off too. Anyway, tomorrow it will be done. But I really keep missing some of the markers I set on my mind., But it will get better soon, I'm getting my groove back. 

Tuesday, May 07, 2024

Miss

It's been over a year since PEx died. I do wonder if message boards in general will still live through in the years to come. I post in some international forums but I do notice a dip in activity and the general populace is more millenial-heavy! Do young people (GEN Z) like forums though? Most are on Reddit, twitter group DMs or discord these days. But I do like forums better and the love for anonymity in an era where everything is out in the open online,.

Monday, May 06, 2024

Battery

 I'm tired. I just am. But I can't give up no matter what. Inner turmoil. Fighting myself not to snap because this is what I do, defusing situations, or trying not to make things escalate because I just want to live a life with as little stress as possible but my goodness sometimes people around me are not thinking straight. So many annoying things they do but I can't tell that. Just had to be patient but I'm so tired of being the contain everything. I'm just tired and tired and tired. 

Sunday, May 05, 2024

Weaving

 I'm so happy to finish way ahead than usual! Let's keep this momentum and I'm on my way to being back on track! It was a big struggle the last 2 months and it really was my fault because I allowed myself to get distracted. It feels so better to be in a chaotic mood again! 

Saturday, May 04, 2024

Oath

 Proud of myself today! I met my goal for today although I was a bit stressed in the morning but at least things got smoother toward the day. So another goal for tomorrow and hopefully I will make it again and get back on track! I still to work some stuff out before things will be smoother. Focus,focus, focus!

Friday, May 03, 2024

Just a few more

 I tried and I failed but I'm close to finishing anyway. I want to really finish it tonight but I'm sleepy. So holding this for tomorrow. I hope I can fight the temptation to get myself distraction with such nonsense again. Crossing my fingers. 

Thursday, May 02, 2024

PJ

 Lost a good friend today, my former officemate PJ. He left the company many years ago but we still kept in touch online. I knew he had some rough times the past few years but our chats were always light and fun. I'm gutted I will no longer be able to talk to him anymore. He was such a smart and funny guy. May you rest in peace my good friend. I'm gonna miss you so much. 

Wednesday, May 01, 2024

Scaring Myself

 I am afraid of being dismissive so when I think of being complacent I panic again. So now I'm scared again but I really hope all this fear will not come to fruition. Oh Dear Lord, please guide me and soothe this fear I have. 

Tuesday, April 30, 2024

5 minutes

 No office tomorrow because the building will have electricity maintenance. It sucks because I'm gonna miss the air conditioning! The heat is unbearable these days. And quite scary to be honest. Anyway, I need to do some stuff that I am sadly unable to finish today due to my failure to fight off my messiness! Story of my life for the past 2 months really! But I still pulled through though but I could do better 

Monday, April 29, 2024

Moment

It is a routine but always scares me, and makes me nervous all the time. So I try to avoid thinking about it so I won't lose my mind. Hoping and praying to God, everything will be fine. 

Sunday, April 28, 2024

47

 My parents celebrate their 47th wedding anniversary today! So very grateful to this blessing Lord. I love my parents so much and always pray hard that they will healthy and safe for many more years. Thank you Lord!

Saturday, April 27, 2024

Eh

 Well, I chose not to do anything to do senseless stuff but I kinda felt good though but I will stress about this tomorrowq!

Friday, April 26, 2024

Manifesting

Another weekend, another attempt to make things work and be organized. I've survived nearly past 2 months or so with this chaos I created but I really need to find that spot now to make it more manageable. I can do this! I will make it happen!

Thursday, April 25, 2024

Index

 Insane heat these days. I feel like this hottest weather I've experienced in my lifetime. And I'm feeling a little off because of it. The electricity bill will be expensive but airconditioning is very much needed.

Wednesday, April 24, 2024

Net

 I'm getting sad with changes coming. How it is still  not the same as it was two years ago. I am still surviving and even received some good news today but as always hoping for more and this is me talking where I barely balance all of these. But I feel more comfortable if there's more assurance as a paranoid person. I always keep in mind to be not neglect the good news that are coming. 

Tuesday, April 23, 2024

All

 One thing you have to realize in life sometimes you have to do something that doesn't feel right and yet you know in order to survive you need to play the game. Oh well

Monday, April 22, 2024

Flick

My mind is going to paranoid places yet again. I hope this isn't the start of something more dangerous. Oh dear Lord, please hear my prayer. I'm scared right now.

Sunday, April 21, 2024

Fly

 Sad to know about an impending exit but it makes sense given that time passes, there would be hungry for more especially if you still have a lot to offer.  And I know this is for the better as well, you can't be selfish and keep them at bay when they could reach more. It's sad that it's not the same place where you are but you can held them beck especially when they have already given their all and it is time to go some place else.

Saturday, April 20, 2024

Some

 Better than last weekend but still not good enough because I still got distracted! But anyway, at least one thing that kept me from being productive I was able to control not falling into the rabbit hole! Hut there are still stuff that needs to be improved on so I can maximize everything!

Friday, April 19, 2024

Checked

One done. More to go. I really I hope I won't get distracted! I can't afford to do so! FOCUS PLEASE. I can't commit the same mistakes of the last 2 weeks!

Thursday, April 18, 2024

A Rock and a Hard Place

Another weekend of challenge, I failed the last two weekends to maximize everything and give in to shallow time-wasting nonsense. I was reminded of the benefits, so I need to keep it up. I hope to set everything in motion by doing some things ahead (although not really because I had a leeway that could have put me in a more comfortable place but was wasted). May I be victorious this weekend. 

Wednesday, April 17, 2024

Piercing

 Excruciating heat! It's so uncomfortable and it's actually worrying how health hazardous it is! This isn't good and I hope this torturous heat ends soon enough!

Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Vastly

 The commute was quite stressful and I had to do some errands as well with this heat but still glad just to have this as a problem. I prefer this to any other stressful stuff. It's only temporary issue but in the end everything's fine. Also glad to check off bills this month. I never thought I would be the one in charge of all these in our household but grateful though

Monday, April 15, 2024

286

 I dealt with a lot today, some because of my own doing and then some unexpected stressful stuff. And the excruciating heat did not help things. But at least the night is winding on a more peaceful note. Thank God,

Sunday, April 14, 2024

Feel Good

I got myself buried in seeing the success of certain people and for one it's not because of insecurity or anything but gave me a sense of happiness to see people who worked hard for long finally get what they've dreamed of. I don't know if I ever get to the point too though because I've been quite a mess to be honest but just fixing myself too. But seeng stories like that gives me temporary happiness. 

Saturday, April 13, 2024

Cat

There's a stray cat who has become our unofficial pet now.  My parents used to shoo her away but the cat wore them out and they just let her be now. My nephew gave her a name now too. The cat just comes in here when it's mealtime and sleeps at night. 

Friday, April 12, 2024

Fees

 I was reminded why I have to be more responsible because of certain needs. Not complaining though because this is something I could handle and I'm glad to do something I like so I better make this work so it just keeps on coming!

Thursday, April 11, 2024

17

 I though I was a little bit free but when someone picks you, trusts you, appreciates what you do, it's hard to say no. I could do it anyway! And I do like doing for genuinely nice people. 

Wednesday, April 10, 2024

Crossed Out

 Did great today and hoping the momentum continues! I need this kind of pace so everything works out!

Tuesday, April 09, 2024

Sort

 Worked on a holiday and it felt really quiet but I was busy doing things that some were done and some still left hanging. I still need a lot of time to work things out though. I hope I can get out this pile that I did do myself though!

Monday, April 08, 2024

Rectify

 Thank God for some unexpected things that helped me breathe a little. I was getting stressed already because of a mess that I started anyway. Hopefully, this time I get to do things better. I've been saying so many times already I know but I keep messing up but have the chance to have some to course correct is such a good opportunity,

Sunday, April 07, 2024

Dwelling

 I never learn and now I get stressed because of my own wrong doing. I'm such a knucklehead, I really hope I won't screw up something in the coming week! So frustrated with myself for digging holes that I always fall into

Saturday, April 06, 2024

Flat

 I am always worried when something looks fine because something bad might come next. I do know life is unpredictable but I really just want to be it boringly stable now. I really hope so.

Friday, April 05, 2024

Teetering

 Definitely regret not organizing things better because I'm all stressed out now. I knew about it before but I always made it in the end so I got complacent and lazy.  I'm now trying to fix all my mess because it could lead to more dangerous results. Maybe this time I will finally learn my lesson before it goes to a point of no return. 

Thursday, April 04, 2024

Bounded

Thinking about the free time last week where I didn't use it to free myself from tue load and now yet again I have to face a lot of things I needed to finish. Oh boy, good luck!!!

Wednesday, April 03, 2024

Ajar

 I'm getting scared of a possible threat. Things have been fine lately on that front so please Lord let it be this way for as long as possible. I'm begging you, please. It seems like a small thing for now but I'm afraid of being caught off guard. 

Tuesday, April 02, 2024

58

I can't help but feel annoyed but somehow I know it's wrong to do so because it's not really their fault I knew it was coming anyway and I had to urge to help but now I kinda regret it because I might be caught in a difficult situation. Not really grave but I'm just paranoid. And their some things that I find annoying maybe because I'm extra tense that it could screw up the thing I worked hard for. But I need to be relaxed though and not be irrational about it. Oh, boy why does that thing have to happen, It sucks so much.

Monday, April 01, 2024

May 31

 I can make it happen. At least try and not wonder anymore. But I do hope to get something.  I will work my best to make it happen. Now is the time. Now or never

Sunday, March 31, 2024

3am

 I had a dream about a thing I procrastinated on and I woke up at 3AM and I took it as a sign that I needed to make up for lost time so I did that thing I was supposed to start on earlier but got lazy to do it and instead, I wasted my free time on frivolities. Finished it and ready for the week ahead, I really hope I can be productive again!

Saturday, March 30, 2024

Scattered

Lent break is almost over now. It's just not the same anymore but not gonna lie I'm okay with it not as boring as it was before but still do make it a point to pray especially for my family where my life has revolved lately. I do lose it sometimes because of stress. But of course whatever is happening I'm okay, that we were able to survive together. 

Friday, March 29, 2024

Sound

 I feel okay today. Generally fine. Although there's something per usual hanging that I chose to delay doing. Laziness strikes again. Hopefully, tomorrow I get into the groove as the song says!

Thursday, March 28, 2024

Break

 As a child, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Black Saturday were really borefest.  But this got me into reading actually to not get bored. I read everything I could find sa bahay, old newspapers, magazines, textbooks of my siblings. I read Bata Bata Pano Ka Ginawa because my sister reviewed it for a college class. I even read her Tagalog romance pocketbooks too! There was a year when ABS-CBN showed classic Filipino movies, it was my first to watching Insiang, Himala, Oro Plata Mata among others. Then later on I got hooked on watching the 7th Heaven marathon on Studio 23 which basically got me into US TV shows. Nowadays is just different. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2024

GB1

Greenbelt 1 is closing for a major renovation (it will be demolished I heard).  So I guess that was a major reason why the NBS branch here closed last year. The last day is on March 31, Easter Sunday. So before I went home today, I dropped by just to see it for the last time in its 'original form'. I've always liked this mall, from my OJT days when it was just walking distance until I started working. I also like watching movies here because of the cheaper ticket price. When this mall reopens years from now, the redesign will probably be good but I will miss the current "old-school" vibe which it will likely lose.

Tuesday, March 26, 2024

Inquire

 Something from the past made me think again.  I am concerned that their era is ending soon or shifting fully to what is now but I really want to see my presence before it goes away so I have this desire to try to get a spot. I'm thinking of a plan but not sure if I have the guts to do it. Then there goes the insecurity as well so I don't know. But it did lit up a fuse inside of me. I miss that feeling. 

Monday, March 25, 2024

Breads

 I had a mini meltdown when I arrived home because the heat just increased my exhaustion. But I mostly kept it to myself because I didn't want to stir drama. Now, that I've cooled down I'm glad I didn't have a public meltdown or what because mostly everybody here is in a good mood, so why ruin it right?  I feel okay now too. Just tired really. I'll just recharge. 

Sunday, March 24, 2024

40 minutes

 The bad thing when you know some stuff is that you get too complacent. Oh boy, this is getting habitual already. I need to find a way to combat those things holding me back from what I need to finish. It's all me though.

Saturday, March 23, 2024

Age

So there's this thing online about Gen Z looking older than millennials.  Maybe just a western thing because here in the country, Gen Z in general looks their age and some even younger. But I do see a lot of people in my age (mid to late 30s) that do really look younger. I wish I could say  the same, my baldness made me look older than I should earlier on plus all the stress I've faced in my 30s but all is good though. It's fine, I've long accepted that physical appearance will never be my edge. 

Friday, March 22, 2024

Fifth

 


I have the first four Young Blood compilations then I stopped (maybe because subconsciously I knew back then I would never get published here so I guess I was bitter hahaha!). So years passed and when I decided to get back to reading again, I couldn't find a copy of Young Blood 5 until today at the National Book Store in Glorietta. I just randomly visited NBS today before going home with no plans of buying anything because I haven't finished reading the book I bought recently (Patricia Evangelisa's Some People Need Killing which is a great book but a heavy read) but of course, I can't just pass up not buying this because I thought this could be out of print already like the earlier compilations. This one had a Powerbooks pricetag on it so this was probably stuck in some warehouse for a while. The personal essay compilation is my favorite type of book to read, I just love being immersed in other people's worlds while I relate to and learn from them too.

Thursday, March 21, 2024

Inconsistent

My messy handling of this is coming to bite me now. I did bit more than I can chew so here I am. But I also struggled because of my own complacency so now I need to fix it before the thing gets even bigger. I need to get rid of distractions which I use an as excuse to take a break. The distraction did nothing but waste precious time. No more. I need to be more focused before I lose everything I've worked so hard for. There's no room for mistakes again. 

Wednesday, March 20, 2024

Bits and Pieces

 After going hard yesterday, slowed down a bit today. Hopefully, will be more active so I can get more things done! Still hoping for some more amazing stuff even if my plate is quite full. I just need more, to feel secure and I think I excel better when there's a long list to finish up. 

Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Is there anyone here?!!

 This thing I'm doing is a bit repetitive and overwhelming but it does draw me in sometimes then there's stuff that makes me question it too. But well, I should not let other thoughts creep in and just be objective. Anyway, I need to finish this so my other thing won't be scrutinized! I already feel that the other thing got screwed up because of some odd behavior although overall it still good in general and deserving but I just don't want things to get messy. 

Monday, March 18, 2024

00:42

I still miss doing my old job as a channel coordinator. Grateful that I'm still very busy with my dubbing-related work but I did the same job for nearly a decade so it's still a strange feeling. Our recent Digital Cable TV upgrade made me miss it more. It was a sense of pride and now it's gone.

Sunday, March 17, 2024

Mindles

Some things are just so addictive even if it's not that good for you, you can't help but be drawn on it! Good it's not really that big of a deal but still it's affecting somehow. Maybe if I don't try, I could make it work better.

Saturday, March 16, 2024

59

 Failed again. Let's see tomorrow if I could make it work!  I really let myself get distracted oh well! Tomorrow let's make it work!

Friday, March 15, 2024

Notes

 Another challenging weekend ahead, I really hope I can pull this off!  I need to fix some things as well next week so I won't get into trouble. I need to write it down again. So I can be more organized and not be complacement anymore. Wish me luck!

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Digital

 We have our cable upgraded to Digital today. Well it was forced because they shut down analog! Oh, well I do love it, especially the HD channels. But I do miss my old cable channel!Oh well!

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Catch Up

 Another mixed bag of a day. I need to get my act together, my mind knows that but I can't see to fully do what I intend to do. Why is it so hard to focus?!! I wanted to do something that I used to do that aids my focus but tonight was another reminder why I can do it again but it's for good reason so it's all on me to manage everything better.

Tuesday, March 12, 2024

MC

 I messed up something. My fault because of my chaotic way of handling things. I knew it would eventually happen because the way I handle those stuff and took in more than I can deal with. But thankfully still on the grander scale of errors but still it serves as a lesson that I need to get my act together.

Monday, March 11, 2024

Back

 I'm back into nostalgia mode and this song takes me back! First heard it on radio on 99.5 RT to be exact and I really liked it. And it's cool to find that this was uploaded on YouTube when it was released in 2007, such a different time on YouTube on those days!




Sunday, March 10, 2024

Break

 Another busy work week ahead, may I survive it! That's why I chose to do nothing today to free my mind because next week will be hectic again!

Saturday, March 09, 2024

4 Years

I haven't thought of the pandemic in awhile but it will be 4 years since our lives have changed. I'm glad it's been practically back to normal now. I don't wish to experience the same thing ever again but it was definitely a learning experience. The fact I'm doing this is a result of that. I dealt with anxiety through my ramblings here and it has helped a lot 

Friday, March 08, 2024

Markings

 Alright, glad I was able to finish some of the things I need to check off my list. Still have some things I need to finish but nothing immediate but hoping to keep this momentum up because now more than ever that I needed to be productive. 

Thursday, March 07, 2024

Lessened

 Some more good news today which really made me happy although my paranoid self peaked to say, is there a catch? But nope, not gonna let that bad energy dampen the good news today. Thank you Lord so much!

Wednesday, March 06, 2024

21

 It's been quite a struggle to finish something because I'm feeling a little off and also it's kinda a boring thing to do but I NEED to finish it so I could free up sometime to do something else. It's not easy but then something happened that reminded why I need to strive hard. Hopefully, I could be meet my target tomorrow. 

Tuesday, March 05, 2024

Hoping

 That time again when I really don't want to be complacent and always expecting the worst. But I really hope and pray for favorable results. I'm always scared but I try to avoid thinking negatively by making self busy but those bits of anxiety always creeps in

Monday, March 04, 2024

Maintain

Already a lot of things I need to do this week again, actually the next 2 weeks or so. It's good and hoping for more because we need it! But always grateful for having the current things to do. I always want to be busy and last week I did well and hoping to keep that momentum

Sunday, March 03, 2024

3 hours

 I had a good afternoon nap today. I really worked hard this week just to make a lot of my to do list checked off! Glad I was able to accomplish that, cheers to more next week!

Saturday, March 02, 2024

Missing

 I can't really focus on something, there will always be a distraction [SIGHS]. It's really hard but I also fault myself for not really learning from previous stuff and continuing to make the same mistakes over and over again. Anyway, back to trying to focus again!

Friday, March 01, 2024

¡muchas gracias!

And TeleNovela Channel has reached its end. When the clock turned 12 AM, I gave a small applause on my desk facing my laptop. I am proud of what we've accomplished here. 



Thursday, February 29, 2024

Goodbye TeleNovela Channel Philippines

 Today is the end of Telenovela Channel Philippines. I've transitioned to other job responsibilities within the company now but still I'm gonna miss doing everything for this channel. I'm proud of my work here. 

Wednesday, February 28, 2024

3 in 3

 Yeah, I need to fulfill this all! But it's hard to fight "not feeling it" but I have to force myself really so I won't screw it up! Whew! But this is a good problem to have of course better than nothing of course

Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Hang of It

I'm so tired but glad to accomplish some things, still not on  my full goal but it's clicking to me now after struggling in the beginning. I still have some pending stuff to do and hopefully I can pull it off!

Monday, February 26, 2024

Hours

Set some goals and almost accomplished them but still have a way to go! Tomorrow is another tough, let's see if I can pull this off! I need to keep myself busy to keep the other stuff I do on balance! I definitely miss having that safety cushion

Sunday, February 25, 2024

34 MINUTES

 Okay, progress! Hopefully, I can finish it all today. The beginning is a struggle then when I get into it, I can do it non-stop then I get interrupted so going back to that kind of mode is quite hard. But this is all me and I need to focus really! Let's do this!

Saturday, February 24, 2024

Struggling

I'm always in this constant battle of doing more and getting so overwhelmed that I just can't focus on one thing. I'm so confused at times about what I should do. If I could just sit down and not get any other thing to drive my focus away but it's impossible because I have to do a lot to keep things in order. And then I fight off this exhaustion by distracting myself with trivial things under the guise that I deserve it so I won't too overwhelmed but does it really? I'm in this constant battle now. I don't know how to win,.

Friday, February 23, 2024

00:42

 


FIN. 

After nearly a decade of doing the daily channel grid non-stop,  I've submitted the last one for TeleNovela Channel's final day of broadcast on Feb. 29.  Doing the channel grid is basically arranging the order of the broadcast assets that will air each day. I do it in Excel with a format that was designed by our Uplink facility. It was confusing at first and I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning but eventually got the hang of it and enjoyed doing so. Honestly, I could have finished this last one days ago but I've been quite busy (thank God for the new projects at work!) so I held it off. And well, I guess subconsciously I purposely delayed so it won't feel real yet.

Thursday, February 22, 2024

Full Slate

 One of those days that I am swamped but of course this is all good! Trying my best to maximize time and resources and hopefully, I will not mess this up. But it's gonna be hard especially something that I feld I need to do to justify the other thing and also help out. I handle some of it awhile and boy it was hard! But I can do it, I just need to organize my time better. 

Wednesday, February 21, 2024

Wind

 I'm so close to finishing this thing that I should have done long ago but I got lazy and gave excuses. But I can't afford to be like that again. So many things in queue now, which is good! No room for laziness! 

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Breeze

Goodbye, cold weather. I'll be missing those comfortable bed-worthy days. Now it's hot again. Uncomfortable days ahead! Sometimes I'm tempted to do work at home so I can wake up later but nope I won't be able to function well with this weather. I love aircon, I'm not ashamed of it! If only it won't be costly in electricity bills, I would have loved to have an airconditioned room but oh well I do still get aircon for about 4 hours each night then when we turn it off to save electricity! Oh life of the working class!

Monday, February 19, 2024

Pardon

 So wasted a few hours funny YouTube shorts. I faced some minor inconvenience earlier that made me lose some of my marbles but I pulled myself back again and honestly watching something fun, relaxes me because long days ahead again!

Sunday, February 18, 2024

Recalibrate

 Same story for me again this weekend. Planned to do something but I didn't! But my life will face some changes soon so I need to work on some things so I can do better. I can't afford to slack off because of the vulnerabilities in life. I regret neglecting one thing before because it's going to be gone soon. Oh well! I'm just a mess these days but not totally messing up to make things catasthropic though!

Saturday, February 17, 2024

Look back

My brother and I were talking about how we see people being nostalgic about 2015 era and such because it just feels new to us but then again it isn't that fresh anymore and those in their 20s are now really in their nostalgia phase as well. The passage of time is really fascinating

Friday, February 16, 2024

9

 After nearly a decade of doing the daily channel grid non-stop, I'm now down to the last 9 days (Feb. 21-29).  I'm really gonna miss doing this. Of course, there were times, when I thought it was such a hassle to do it but it has become a part of my life. And to be honest, I got it into podcasts because I listen to it while doing the daily channel grids.  I can finish all the 9 days in a matter of a days but maybe I'll take it slow and savor while it lasts 

Thursday, February 15, 2024

19 Years

 I forgot to blog again on the exact this blog started lol but hey it's awesome that I get to keep this blog 19 years later. I'm basically screaming in the void now but I love it. I can be open yet somehow not at the same time. Oh well, a lot of long-running things in life has ended or will about to end but I sure do this digital space I have here will remain. 

Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Winding Down

 As the days are coming by and it's nearing the end of the channel I devoted practically the last decade of my life, I still can't help but feel sad about a chapter closing.  It sucks it couldn't continue anymore because I really liked doing it. Now, I'm gonna face new challenges at work and while I'm ready and grateful to still to have work despite the ending of my main task, it's still gonna to not do daily channel grids anymore. Not plan what new programs to acquire and planning the year programming flow. Oh well. It is what it is.

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

Read Again

 Paid all the bills today and I rewarded myself by buying another book    again! The Three Body Problem which I had been looking for since last year. I haven't finished the book I read book last week yet though 😅 But I do feel I deserve to buy something I want though. And it is just recently that I'm trying to back to reading books again so I'm loading up!

Monday, February 12, 2024

240

 So glad to see some good news today after I've been stressing about it. At least some security in the next months ahead. But hoping for more good news this week just to make things more secure. Doors are closing so hopefully other doors will open soon enough. 

Sunday, February 11, 2024

Absorb

 So spent the weekend doing nothing that productive aside from my usual family responsibilities but I don't feel guilty this time since there's a good window for me to unload and forget all the stress away even for just a few hours, I'll take it

Saturday, February 10, 2024

3

 I've seen this and it's really good. Also, can't wait for the Netflix adaptation as well, it's such engrossing novel




Friday, February 09, 2024

Passage

The Recording Academy / GRAMMYs uploaded on their site Fast Car live performance of Tracy Chapman and Luke Combs. I can't get over how good this performance is. When I heard Luke Combs' cover I was pretty meh about it and I was annoyed when it peaked higher (#2) on the Billboard Hot 100 than Tracy's original (#6). But this performance gave me a new perspective on the cover. Seeing him performing it live I appreciated his vocals and especially the sincerity in paying tribute to Tracy. His cover being a hit reminded people of how great Tracy Chapman is as well as reaching a new generation as well. This song is almost as old as me and it was one of the songs that I heard over the years on radio. But hearing Tracy Chapman perform it live at this age just hits differently. The passage of time just makes it more special. There was another Grammys performance that embodied this kind of sentiment as well - Joni Mitchell singing Both Sides Now at age 80! Music is a very powerful time capsule.

Thursday, February 08, 2024

Food for the Brain

 I went to a bookstore earlier just to check around and found a copy of journalist Patricia Evangelista's book. Immediately bought it. I read the first few parts on the bus home. A heavy but engrossing read. It's about her coverage of the drug war in the country. I've been feeling hopeless a lot lately so you know reading this book isn't the best thing but I will always have journalism in my heart and about a journalist's journey is something I will not resist.


Wednesday, February 07, 2024

Thrill

 I almost gave in. Good thing I really did learn from what happened last year. Never again. But moments like this happen from time to time, I just need to have presence of time so I won't commit that mistake again. It's hard but doable

Tuesday, February 06, 2024

Orange Juice

Today I witnessed a good gesture. Letting go was the easier choice but they didn't do it. Highly appreciated. I had some qualms before but glad to know that I made the right choice.

Monday, February 05, 2024

Fast Car

 Because of the Grammys performance tonight, it reminded me of how BEAUTIFUL and TIMELESS this song is. The song is almost as old as I am and now I'm at this age and experience some lifechanging, this just takes a new meaning




Sunday, February 04, 2024

Lights Off

On a seemingly okay day then something happens that should have not happened if only they don't seek drama where there is none. But well, I try to understand that maybe it's just a result of pressure of being needed all the time so meltdowns happen but it's pretty exhausting. I do act as if nothing stressful is happening because the last thing needed is to add more drama. Pretend is the key.

Saturday, February 03, 2024

Not Quite

 Close to finish but not there yet. I still missed my target because I just can't focus at certain times and now some unnecessary drama blocked my way again. Oh well, it's so tiring. But I need to march on and deal with stuff head-on like I always do. There's no other choice unless I want to fully wreck everything, I'll never do that. I'm tired but not a fool

Friday, February 02, 2024

17 minutes

 Another challenging weekend ahead, I made some strides today but still not enough to reach the goal I wanted. Hopefully, I won't fail tomorrow. 

Thursday, February 01, 2024

Another Farewell

 When I was younger, one of my so-called peculiarities was that I played armchair program scheduler where I made schedules for TV or radio stations, real and imagined! So the fact that I was able to do actual programming planning for a real cable channel was something I really enjoyed. We are a niche cable channel but we have dedicated viewers, especially the senior citizens who watch our channel in the wee hours of the morning because they either woke up early or they can't sleep yet. If there is one thing that's making me sad about the channel's impending end is thinking of those viewers especially those who would regularly message or post on our Facebook page over the years. They were the viewers who would bombard their cable operators when our channel had no signal. Alas, the changing landscape of cable television eventually caught my beloved TeleNovela Channel as well. Job-wise, I'm fine because for the past few years, I have been on double duty doing other projects and in charge of other responsibilities for the company. However, being the channel coordinator was my main job and for the better part of my working life - it was my world. I'm gonna miss this channel so much but definitely grateful for the experience.




Wednesday, January 31, 2024

126

 More things to worry about I guess. Oh my. It just never ends but after learning about what happened to a friend just today, it kept me in check to not ignore the fact that my worst fear is not here. I'm grateful to that of course but it just worrying

Tuesday, January 30, 2024

Size 8

 I don't have much but at least I can give something that is appreciated. I wish I could give more but this is the best I could do given everything I'm dealing with. Oh dear Lord, please hear our prayers, I always get nervous each time it happens but I'm trying my best not to be engulfed by fear again. 

Monday, January 29, 2024

One Month

 It's hard to let go of something that has been quite in my life for the last decade or so. But I knew someday it would happen and I thought I prepared myself for this already but now that it is a reality, it really sucks. But you gotta march on and hopefully opportunities will still come in. 

Sunday, January 28, 2024

Headspace

 Here I go but only slightly better but I need to do better as this will be my sole focus now in just a few weeks. I need to balance everything and be more focused. Before everything gets too messed up

Saturday, January 27, 2024

Questions

 Seeing some concerns and yet we can't address it yet is breaking my heart. We are just very small community but I still cherish every single one who valued us. I hate seeing this happen.

Friday, January 26, 2024

Era

 So many things happening and I'm really sad and devastated. I'm trying to keep it in and trying to remain positive. I deeply regret the times I felt that this was a nuisance that was stopping me from focusing on this other thing. Everything is so vulnerable now so I am nervous but I need to continue marching on.

Thursday, January 25, 2024

FIN

 So the confirmation I've been waiting for happened today. I am very sad but I can't deny that I saw it coming. I was hoping against all odds but just so many factors that practically happened at the same time that led to this result. It's just hard to keep it going so  I have no choice but to accept and make the most of what it's left. At least there's some good news though because one thing I feared didn't come to fruition and hopefully it stays that way for stability. 

Wednesday, January 24, 2024

Holding

 I'm still in a daze. Still worried of what's to come but also preparing myself for the worst. But I'm trying to stay positive that good thing will come our way soon. I badly need it. Not just me but all of us.

Tuesday, January 23, 2024

Hanging

 Another day where I am left bothered by an impending doom. I'm still hoping it still could be saved because this has been a big part of my life and losing it for good will suck so much. And of course, it is a security blanket.

Monday, January 22, 2024

Spell

 I really need to pick myself and be optimistic that this won't be the end of it all. I hope they find a way to make it work and give another least in life. It's been hanging over my head for the 2 months and the lack of resolution is really making me so anxious. 

Sunday, January 21, 2024

Clean up

 I really got lazy today and I might be messy tomorrow, oh no! But let's see maybe I can do a quick fix up! But I'm getting tired of fixing things to be honest. 

Saturday, January 20, 2024

Sangkalan

Another day of me trying to get things done but laziness got in the way. I sometimes question why I get myself into situations like this where I'm not directly benefitting but I don't know I just want to be nice and make things run smooth I guess because I feel like it's my responsibility as well. It's my fault for not asserting myself I guess but at the end, it really is not a bad thing. I just need to figure how to balance everything. 

Friday, January 19, 2024

Dry

 I'm starting to get worried again. Nothing of importance this week has come. I need the tank to be full again or even over capacity. That's a good problem to have and not this worry about things not working well. Plus this other thing where they are making unnecessary complicated. But I remind myself that I don't really know what's going on. I hope something comes up next week. We need MORE.

Thursday, January 18, 2024

Confundido

 I regret that I did sort of wish that this one block would go away so I'll have an easier but now without it, everything seems to be in limbo. It's so disheartening that there's just no clarity right now. Hanging in the balance, doing things as they go along. No clear path. I hope my questions will be answered soon enough.

Wednesday, January 17, 2024

Entrada

Floating. Not really sure where the road is heading. I understand why it is being evaluated but there are just other complications for them not to at least give one more go for that remaining period. It is really making me feel listless for over a month now. What a bummer

Tuesday, January 16, 2024

Instant

So I immediately paid for slacking off yesterday. I hate that sometimes I need to feel pressured to overcome laziness! I don't like buzzer-beater moments and yet I am dragging myself to those moments more often these days. I need better discipline because I can't afford to mess this up. But I do need to learn how to give myself breaks so I won't feel lazy again

Monday, January 15, 2024

Pause

 I think I got tired over the weekend so I needed some pause today. Also there are personal things I need to do as well as a way to watch over things and lessen things I get stressed about. Hopefully, I'll be back tomorrow in full form

Sunday, January 14, 2024

Pinky Promise

 After posting that I was "in the zone" last night, it came all crashing down and I was lured into procrastination! I had to pay for it today but at least I was able to pull it off. However, it's not a good feeling though to cram because of my laziness. I still have some things left to do and hopefully I'll do better time management this time and focus better. I really need it so much

Saturday, January 13, 2024

In The Zone

 A little late but better than never. Laser-focused now to finish this up that has been long delayed. I need to get my mojo back and I'm getting it again. So here it goes!

Friday, January 12, 2024

Just Never Is

That's why I can't hold on to any positive feelings because it wouldn't last and something else would happen that would ruin everything. I always try to control not to feel upset anymore and just look on the bright side of things but how could I when there's always something that will trigger something chaotic that should not happen in the first place. So tired.  I don't want to be ungrateful but I just want to vent my never-ending frustrations in life 

Thursday, January 11, 2024

On the way

 Inside a jeep right now and driving myself mad thinking of terrible scenarios. It is always like this whenever a day like this comes around. Help me be calm dear Heavens 

Wednesday, January 10, 2024

Level

 This is it again. I'm scared but also I feel defeated. I'm worried but I'm also tired of this feeling. But I don't want to feel this way because the other option is just scarier. Whatever happens again, I just have to be strong as much as I can.

Tuesday, January 09, 2024

Hybrid Cufflinks

 I was able to finish something on my goal list today and now focusing on doing something that will give me some breathing room because I still have like two major things left to do, But I like this, I hope more of this all througout the year!

Monday, January 08, 2024

Here we go!

 I'm swamped again with many things to do! I like it but I also blaming myself because the load could have been lighter if I wasn't so lazy last weekend! But well, time to focus again and do stuff as fast as possible without sacrificing quality!

Sunday, January 07, 2024

Closed

I felt saw when I saw my favorite meat shop closed already. I had a feeling it was going under because nearly every time when I bought there for the past year or so, I was the only one. They are not that pricey compared to the ones sold in the wet market and they have quality stuff but oh well that is just how life is.

Saturday, January 06, 2024

Thinking About It

 Despite some happy stuff the past few days,  I'm here again pondering on things that are making me so sad. I wish I could stop this feeling but I really can't. There are just so many things making me feel so sad. Worries and anxieties, if they would only go away

Friday, January 05, 2024

375

 Got new eyeglasses today after more than 5 years. The previous was still generally usable but had scratches already that had been bothersome lately and well I haven't bought myself anything last Christmas so why got gift myself something quite useful too!

Thursday, January 04, 2024

Nice!

 I was not expecting it anymore but I just learned to have lower expectations so I won't get hurt that much but this time, I'm so happy to be wrong! It's the pick-me-up I much needed after everything really, It's really giving me a boost right now and more driven to do better!

Wednesday, January 03, 2024

Qiqi

    I'm so busy because I need to finish a lot of things, I accepted a lot of stuff thinking I could do some things in advance during the holiday break but nah I was lazy then. I was wrong that I could be in the mood to do work during those days but hey I'm playing catch up and it's all good. I feel driven because I always to start the year right work-wise!

Tuesday, January 02, 2024

Ch. 126

 So it finally happened today but still, I'm clinging on to hope that maybe they change their mind. There's some reaction when it's missing so it wasn't totally ignored. I know in the grand scheme it's still a small thing but I hope they listen. 

Monday, January 01, 2024

1095

 Three straight years of posting something daily on my 18-year-old blog! Well, it's mostly just random and vague angst-filled musings but it definitely helped me process emotions when I'm anxious. It's like screaming into the void these days since no one really blogs anymore but I like it that way. As long as Google keeps Blogspot around, I'll be posting.