Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Stress Zone

So I survived the grocery and medicine purchase run today. With the confusing Cavite total lockdown May 1 announcement by the governor (which to be fair he later apologized on social media for bringing confusion) and the first confirmed case here in our barangay, it was really a stressful morning. I spent 2 hours lining up to a big grocery store BUT I was not allowed to enter because our quarantine pass has no address indicated. It's not our fault because that was issued by the barangay but the grocery security is now demanding certification from the barangay office where we live because they are banning the zone where the first confirmed case is living. I was so pissed but I just left because no energy to argue. Good thing the medicine purchase over at Mercury Drug was smooth sailing because I was buying on behalf of my senior citizen parents so there's a special lane. I was also able to buy some stuff there too because that branch also has a mini grocery. From then on I went from various stores in the nearby market area to buy some of the items in the grocery list then I went to other convenience stores to buy what I can't find there. It was such a hassle (especially in this heat!) but glad I was still able to buy most of what is needed in the list. We passed by the zone where the first confirmed case is living and they are on total lockdown, no one could absolutely leave for 14 days. But I feel there would be adjustments because how could people buy supplies and food? They set up their zone leaders and some counselors to help out to buy on behalf of them but can they sustain that? Hard to believe. 

When I got home I took a bath as soon as I can because it's so hot right now and paranoia as well because it's a different game now that we have a confirmed case here in our barangay. The threat is so near. Really praying hard this is an isolated case.  Praying our subdivision won't have a confirmed case ever. Or for that matter this whole barangay won't have another case anymore! I can't help but feel anxious. Also praying for the person who got infected and his/her family. Hopefully, there will be support but with the total lockdown of that area, I'm afraid they are at risk to be at the receiving end of stressed-out people. Maybe unavoidable as it is scary but I hope the neighbors won't vent their frustration out to the family. The barangay captain dispelled a fake news circulating on Facebook *where else?* that the person already died and was secretly buried in the nearby cemetery. So annoying because people are so gullible. I only get updates from the official local government pages, I don't join FB groups and group chats on messenger. So much rumors and fear mongering there. And worst, people  with toxic personalities are all over.

This crisis is just testing everyone's limits. Please let this be over soon. 

Tuesday, April 28, 2020


So today it was confirmed that someone in our barangay is COVID19 positive. I can't believe that nasty virus reached here. And what a timing because on May 1 Cavite will undergo a stricter quarantine, sort of total lockdown and I was going to buy groceries and my parents' medicines tomorrow in preparation for the 2-week of lockdown.
 It will be HELL tomorrow.

I'm sure there will be panic buying and also paranoia because the virus has now reached us. I'm scared to go out tomorrow but I have no choice but to do it. Oh God please protect me tomorrow that I won't be able to get that nasty virus. I'm so stressed right now.

Friday, April 24, 2020

At Wits' End

The lockdown has once again been extended from April 30 to May 15. I understand the need to do so and at least some areas in the country will not be part of it although it will still have quarantine measures but at least that is some semblance of good news in the midst of a stress-filled era. Honestly, I'm so uncomfortable with the tone of putting the blame to ordinary people "pasaway!". I do understand and get there are stubborn people that needs to take this seriously but there's just a lack of empathy these days. I'm tired of political conflict, how people are encouraged to pick sides. Blame game is so rampant. Treating each other as enemy. We need more understanding of the plight of the people now. Everybody is stressed. Everybody is so worried. The last thing we need is this type of mindset. But I don't know anymore. I feel so disillusioned right now. I still can't believe that this is happening. We are not equipped to handle this matter but I feel so worried that this is being handled the wrong way, so much fear and suspicions. I long for the day that I will have peace of mind. I'm tired of being terrified. 

Sunday, April 19, 2020

Temporary Normal

Supposedly, the lockdown will end April 30. But signs are pointing to another extension. Logically, I understand as the new reported cases are still 200 plus everyday. I do believe we can really get back to what we use to call normal  but just not yet.  However, I constantly think about the economy I'm just so scared of the aftermath. Personally, our company was still able to give us salaries but for how long can they sustain us? I worry about that nearly everyday.

I worry for other people too. The small businesses like barber shops, can they survive this? The small vendors not selling essential goods. How can they survive this? The social amelioration won't be enough and it's already causing a lot of people to get angry already. The early promise of the labor department to help companies by giving a 5K aid to employees still not felt because as expected they got overwhelmed and can't help everyone. This is what I feel so troubled about, I don't want our fates to be reliant on the government. That's why I really want people to be able to go back to work. But the risk is just there and can't be denied. It's a lose-lose situation.

Earlier, I went to buy maintenance medicines for my mother and for the first time since I've been doing this for her, two of her medicines are out of stock. This has never happened before. Demand is high so getting the supplies is harder than ever. Going to the grocery is a nightmare now. I try to check out the smaller convenience stores but they barely have anything on stock these days.  Some of the items are also more expensive than ever now.

My nephew was supposed to graduate elementary last March 31 but everything's on hold now. He seems like he doesn't care when I asked him if he misses school though. He's constantly entertained with Minecraft and YouTube. He also even likes the reruns of May Bukas Pa and Wansapanataym these days too. Good for him though, it's better for a kid to still enjoy life. Let the adults do the worrying.

I was able to pay our electricity bill online, a first! I had to convince my parents that this is legit even without a paper receipt, I had to show them the 0.00 balance on my laptop screen to ease their worries. For water, well that will really have to wait because it's a local company and no way to pay online. They did assure no penalties and continous supply so that's fine.

I recently saw this video about an uncrowded Metro Manila in this quarantine era. seeing the parts around Makati made me emotional. My father worked here for 30 years so I'm already familiar with the area  before I even started working. Nearly 12 years of employment, my current and past jobs, were all located in Makati. This is the longest time since I started working that I haven't been in Makati. I miss walking the streets, the overpass and underpass, the random people asking me for directions etc. I miss even the traffic who would have thought? I just miss the normality of everyday life. I can't wait to go back and resume our lives. I really hope it's coming very soon .

Earlier I felt so anxious again and to fight it off. I took an afternoon nap. It didn't magically delete my worries away but at least for a few hours I had peace of mind.

Sunday, April 05, 2020

Life On Hold

We are going 4 weeks under Enhanced Community Quarantine which is really just a sugarcoated term for lockdown. The original end date, April 12, is nearing but we all know it will be extended as COVID-19 cases continue to rise. It's just not safe to have the masses go out in public as the danger is still there. I won't deny this situation has given me so much anxiety. But as always I try too look things on the brighter side. For one, no one in my family is suffering from this virus and by the grace of God NO ONE WILL. It's almost a month since I was last in the office. I still continue to do work at home, I supervise a cable channel and up until this week I was able to schedule new episodes but except for one show, I have run out of new episodes to air so we will go on replays starting tomorrow. What my initial plan way back in February was to be able to submit a month advance worth of episodes in preparation for the Holy Week break but of course that is a distant memory now. To be honest, I'm afraid if our company can survive this crisis. Will I still have a job to go back to once the virus had been contained and we can go out in the public now? I know MILLIONS of people worldwide is worrying about the same matter. The fear of virus at the present is at its peak but the fear with what lies ahead in the future lingers around. I've blogged many times here how I feel discontented with how much I earn in my job and how I feel I've been left behind career-wise by  lot of my peers. But now I miss having those worries ONLY. I can deal with that but this anxiety brought upon by this pandemic is on another level mainly because everything is up in the air. We don't know when will this end and what a post-COVID19 world be.
Today is Palm Sunday and the first in my lifetime to not have the usual mass. It feels so strange to not do the usual things anymore. Not a day pass by without me thinking of this crisis and how it is shaping the future of the world. I'm very, very worried. So help us God.