Spot

I was happy to know that barber shops and salons are now allowed to open because I badly need a hair shave. I'm balding and it's at the worst spot possible. I look so much older with my weight and hair. I'm not a cap guy that much too so I exposed my bad spots publicly! I don't care if I don't think about it or no one points it out. But of course not gonna lie it's a source of insecurity, I wish I had early onset of grey hairs instead of balding. But of course I know in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. But I can be shallow from time to time. 

Handle

 So this Medyo ECQ 2021 edition, I work from home from Mondays to Wednesdays and at the office Thursdays and Fridays where I handle tasks that are better done at the office where it saves times and I'm more efficient. During my office time, I also prepare materials I will need for my WFH sessions for next week which admittedly I sometimes do some advanced task a littler early during weekends to eased my load. I do really love working in the office, my attention is there and I don't get easily distracted by the real world. Today I was so happy to finish a specific task because it provides security for a major work responsibility. Then I got home and watched the news. Upsetting. I feel so frustrated and question life. Why do these bad guys always find a way to turn things around to their favor. And so many gullible people too hence they can do whatever they want and suffer no consequences at all.

Life today is just on another level of insanity. Working in the office keeps me sane. At this point it's now my escape. 

44th

 Today is my parent's  44th wedding anniversary and we treated them with a simple handa of  roasted chicken, pancit bihon and cake. I hope they had a good day. My world right now basically revolves looking after their concerns and while I admit there are times I feel frustrated because of some limitations in life but at the end of the day, I have no regrets this is the path I chose. I won't deny that there will always be time I will feel sad and frustrated but deep inside I know I'm doing the right thing. I love my parents so much and I always pray to God to keep them healthy always. In this pandemic, I've been protective of them the most and dear Lord please my protect my parents, my entire family always. 

A Taste

 Today is the 2nd wedding anniversary of my brother. They got married in Bohol were my sister in law lives. All of the family except me went to the wedding because I decided to stay due to work and also I'm worried of no one is left in the house for 3 days. It was my first time ever to be totally alone at the house for such long period of time (well not counting our dog who was still alive then). At 31, I felt some kind of independence and it was kind of exciting! I cleaned the house, did laundry too! But I didn't cook but just ate boiled eggs I placed in the rice cooker and also bought takeout food. It was funny how my parents were worried at first like I'm a teenager! Two years later, I did miss being totally alone with just my thought for a longer period of time but with the current pandemic where a lot of us feel isolated, yeah I appreciate not being alone. 

A Bad Milestone

 The country has reached the inevitable 1 million COVID19 cases. Saddening. Maddening. Frustrating. 

Over a year later and we are nowhere near the end.

Snippets 12

* I find it endearing that my father is worried about our neighbor who owns a bakery because there's a new bakery in the subdivision. He observed how there are fewer people buying pandesal lately. He feels that that he could lose a lot of business and may end up letting go of some our neighbor's employees. My Tatay is such a good and caring friend. He does not need to worry about this stuff but he does.

* Tomorrow is the Oscars and first time after a decade that I won't be a doing a Oscar Pool at Pinoyexchange. I decided to end it last year due to declining interest. I miss doing it but it was past its prime. 

* I prepared some work from home stuff last Friday that I will do tomorrow but I decided to some of it this weekend and felt good really to accomplish some stuff early on. 

* April is about to end and it will be a year since our baranggay had its first COVID case. It still felt like yesterday. The panic that ensued after that. Nowadays even if we're still in this neverending quarantine, things are less restrictive but still sad.

Groceries

 It's been over a year that I took over handling the grocery for our household and I learned so much really over the past year. I've been my mother's companion to the grocery since I was a kid and I honestly liked doing grocery, it's fun! But now that I've been the major contributor of the grocery budget, it gave me  whole new perspective. I've been really cautious now with prices and such, I've been familiar with basic expenditures costs and also how to maximize a good "sale' deal on the grocery. I'm not expert because at least I'm not clueless impulse buyer anymore. I've been really cautious. I should have learned this long ago, I've been too reliant and I lacked some practical skills now. One thing this extraordinary year deal taught me is to step up more and not be complacent anymore. 

Loss

 I was about to finish a task earlier at the office when Kuya Bernie approached me to help him write the message he will post on the special dedication board the office is setting up in memory of Kuya Pat, our dearly departed co-worker who passed away a few weeks ago. The message is humorous with him telling Kuya Pat that if he misses him he's free to visit him anytime. But you know what I could definitely feel Kuya Bernie's sadness and his eyes were misty despite making jokes. He then shared that he does not even look at Kuya Pat's photo posted in the office door because it makes him feel sad and I told him I feel the same, he then replied "Di ba lang no" and you could see in his eyes that this feeling of sadness is something he is keeping inside and when I said I felt the same way he sort had a feeling of validation. They were really close friends. They're both in their mid40s and shared a lot of interests. I still can't believe Kuya Pat's gone. Life is so fragile. 

A Nice Gesture

So this new carpool I'm in now the regulars passengers are already so close to each other. I think most of them live in one subdivision but I'm not sure because I don't engage in small talk too unless someone initiates to talk to me. I'm quite an introvert that way. Today someone treated the driver and passengers with milk tea and donut and the person included me even if I've only ridden this carpool just three times in two weeks. I didn't even have time to beg off because they were quick and I said a big thank you. I thin that maybe that was intended to another regular passenger who didn't come in on the ride home but still the fact that this person offered it to me is touching. Any act of kindness is appreciated especially in this world we live in right now.

Playbook

 I read the Vox The Pandemic Playbook series which is a series of comprehensive reporting of how 6 countries handled the COVID19 pandemic. Two stories are now featuring South Korea and Germany. Four more articles will come about UK, US, Senegal and Vietnam. It's such an engrossing read and learned a lot on how South Korea and Germany handled this pandemic, their mistakes and also the right things they have done. The articles also highlighted the human conflict involved and as with the case of Germany on how after successfully containing it early in the pandemic, politics and public exhaustion led to a surge bigger than the first wave. South Korea's story is a fairly successful one as they learned from previous virus surge however there were questions raised on how their intense contract tracing system are violating privacies. Looking forward to read the rest of the series. Great journalistic work! Reading it is also break too from the frustrating situation this country is in right now. 

Community

 Today's hot issue is the red tagging of the community pantry in QC that started it all. Another day, another head ache inducing national concern. Although to be honest when this community pantry eventually jump started a nationwide movement I knew it was too good to be true. I knew that eventually some people will abuse it, twist its motive and use the movement for political maneuvering. It sucks all these negative thoughts I have actually happened. That's how predictable everything is right now. So depressing.

On the good side awhile ago I received a social media private message from a schoolmate  asking for donations as he will also spearhead a community pantry here in our area. I donated via GCash because I trust this person even if we don't really know each on a personal level but he has a track record of good leadership and social responsibility. In this small way I can show my support and also keep me from being totally jaded.  

Keeping it Together

 Yeah today a family member had a mood swing and made out of the blue tantrum that gave me some stressful moments but in the end nothing really bad happened and we just dropped this subject. I guess this is the effect of the pandemic right? Yesterday, it was my nephew who shared to me his frustrations and now this other family member acting out. It really is struggle to keep your sanity on in these trying times. 

Advice

 So today my nephew opened up to me that he's feeling a little bad because he got reprimanded by my sister due to the time he spends with the computer and when he defended himself, he got even more trouble because  my sister said that his tone was not good and he was talking back to her. I told him that it's normal for mothers to be that way and I told him that's how Nanay is to us too. I also said to him that sometimes we get to be the shock absorbers too for other stuff our parents are stressed about. But I did let him speak up what his heart feels and I said that it's good that he talks about it and allow himself to be sad and frustrated but after you should also learn how to deal with it and not let it consume your life. I didn't tell my sister anymore what my nephew told me because I knew my nephew told this to me in confidence. It will blew over anyway but this day just made me realize how my nephew is growing up now. He'll turn 13 this August and I'm now witnessing in real time as he is entering the angst-filled teen years. I made a mental note to not be hard on him because he is on those delicate period where he figures himself out and I won't add to the pressure he will be facing transitioning to teen years. 

Errands

 It is exceptionally hot today especially because I went out to do errands (market, grocery, medicines, withdrawing my sister's salary). But I do really like doing errands like this because it feels normal. But of course I know it is not, I've felt uncomfortable earlier with how packed the market is that I hurriedly left the vegetable stall I was in without even checking if what I bought was weighed properly and priced accordingly  because there were too many people! Grocery and pharmacy trip was more relaxing because fewer people but the ATM line was so long! Anyway, compared to last year's very strict lockdown today was a walk in the park. The confirmed cases are over 10K the past few days and I find it alarming that things are not getting any better and the handling messier than ever. I'm tired of ranting about this but I can't help but feel it. I minimized my news exposure especially whatever uncouth words that person has said again public, Nothing has changed. Tired. So tired.

A few kinks

I had a new carpool ride starting yesterday because my old carpool is on hiatus due to few passengers because of the quarantine. Good thing I still found a new carpool shuttle though my drop off point is not exactly as near to where I live compared to my previous carpool but still better and most importantly safer way to commute in this scary pandemic times. Yesterday's start wasn't smooth one as there was a miscommunication regarding pickup time. He was so apologetic when he arrived that whatever annoyance I had evaporated and I assured him that everything's fine. We live in such stressful times, let's pick our battles. We all just starting to survive in this tough world we are in right now. Anyway, today's ride was smoother because miscommunication like what happened yesterday helps work out the issues and improve. If I choose to be hot headed, it would just cause unnecessary stress from the both of us. 

Lead

 So today my video editor for 2 years handed his resignation letter as he will soon leave the country to migrate to Canada to be with his mother. This editor started here when he was 20 years old and it really showed a couple of times how young and unpolished he is but despite that I have a soft spot for the kid because he is genuinely nice and quite talented too, just unfocused haha. I hope I made some good impact being his direct head for the past 2 years. I sometimes think I'm too nice but I just don't want to be the person who puts unnecessary pressure. Although, I did realized I can't be too lenient as well for the benefit of the staff as well. Last week, I received some kinds from a college friend, a co-staff at the college student publication where I became EIC in my senior year and he said that I was the best editor he had. It really meant a lot of me because I felt like my EIC stint was a big disappointment but hearing that I least somewhat made a good impact to someone warms my soul. 

Upended

 Going back to the office tomorrow to do task I can only do there. Looking forward to it because to be honest, I just feel more comfortable working at the office. Of course, the virus scare still looms so praying hard I will be safe from it. How long will this uncomfortable situation last? I will never get used to living this way really even if it's been over a year. It's quite depressing to see so many "condolences" on Facebook while so much frustration and anger on Twitter. Then I went out earlier to buy some stuff for the house and the emptiness of the stress gave me a gut punch. 

Survive

 Just finished work at this ungodly hour! This is really what I don't like working from home because it extends my working time but what is important is that I get the job done. We are now back to Medyo ECQ so restrictions are a little loose especially curfew which has been a hurdle for my carpool shuttle! It's now back to 10PM here in Cavite and 8PM in Metro Manila, more reasonable time but I still think curfews and checkpoints are not really needed and they have became avenues for power tripping but oh well what can I do right? Nothing but do my best to deal with each's day struggle

Morale Boost

 Today I received a very touching gesture from a friend. It was so unexpected especially in a time like this where many people are struggling. I've been feeling so down lately that this unexpected surprise gave me a morale boost. Thank you and I will make sure this act of kindness will not go to waste. 

Tipping the Balance.

 So yeah that fleeting feeling I had yesterday of signing up to that online writing workshop faded away. I just returned to reality that I just can't afford it. My practical side always win. Not gonna lie it makes me sad that I can't do it due to financial constraints but hey I needed the money to help out house expenses and maintenance medicines for my parents too. The money I would have paid for that seminar could already buy many of my mother's prescriptions. Our car will need oil change soon as well so i contribute on that. Then of course bills after bills. Not gonna lie I do dream of living an independent life you know where all I think about is just me. But I don't regret looking out for my parents' welfare and really I could have done more if I made better career choices, money wise.  I really won't stop feeling inadequate so pursuing something of personal interest at the expense of general family needs is something I just can't do. It hurts when I think about it so I just avoid so I won't drown. 

Versus

 I saw that Fully Booked will be holding online writing workshops. The setup is actually something that is suitable for my preference. I'm highly interested because I want to seek knowledge because I feel like I'm in a rut right now, jus going through the motions and just dreaming but with no action. It is not for free though which actually works form me because if I shell out money, I'll be more committed to it. But well sadly I can't easily spend 2,500 pesos (the early bird discount) because of life's responsibilities and limited financial capacity I have.  But my heart really wants to try this out and  maybe it can help ignite a fire in me that I know is still there. Sadly, my practical side is really giving me a pause. I should be looking for additional source of income instead of spending with not essential stuff especially in this time. On the other hand, maybe I should see it as an investment to myself? Maybe I should dare take a risk like this one.How I wish I was  rich  so this stuff won't bother anymore. 

Abhor

 This pandemic is scarier than ever especially now more than ever with a lot of people knowing someone who already passed because of this disease. Then the politics, those people in power have no shame anymore. No sense of humility. not even that apologetic or reassuring. Some people in power peddling a so-called medicine that says that cures COVID and not even backed by science. Regulatory board bending their rules to accommodate it half heartedly. Vaccine rollout quite a mess with people just now accepting this vaccine with questionable reason why it's here because there's no other choice. Kung ano na nandyan tanggapin na lang. I hate it so much. Especially because its comes from a place that is power tripping right now. Of course it was tolerated and coddled before so we are not even surprised anymore. I don't know how can ever we rise from this. 

Relief

 Thanks to company service today I was able to go back to the office! I really needed it because there's still a lot of pending stuff that I can only do at the office. And also good for my mental health to be honest. The past few days I have this recurring body pains from various body parts but today NOTHING. I was so busy today catching up with work load that I didn't think much of the CHAOS happening in this country. 

Flashback

 Back in 2005, I was one of the chosen staff by my college student publication Heraldo Filipino to attend UST's Inkblots National Journalism Fellowship. It was my first ever seminar related to journalism and I was really excited! During that 3-day symposium, I attended lectures by seasoned journalists from print to broadcast like Shiela Coronel, Marites Vitug, Glenda Gloria, Jiggy Manicad, Charie Villa, Ruel De Vera, Nestor Cuartero, Quinito Henson and Christian Esguerra. My favorite lecture was from Christian Esguerra because he is eloquent and insightful (He was a PDI reporter back then and now he is hosting an ANC show and has a podcast too where his sharp interviewing skills are on display). The sessions of Quinito Henson and Nestor Cuartero were also memorable because we had mock press conferences featuring Purefoods basketball team and Champ from the band Hale. My most unforgettable session though was Editorial Cartooning  with Philippine Star's Rene Aranda. We weren't supposed to attend it because we are not visual artists but all the writing related sessions that day were not available anymore. However, we didn't regret attending because Mr. Aranda is such an engaging speaker. After his discussion, he asked the delegates to make an editorial cartoon about Calibrated Pre-emptive Response and I was so shocked when he picked my work as third best (My fellow news writer Em Sipin  placed second too!). I have NO drawing skills at all so I just worked around with what I can draw and hopefully not embarrass myself! Anyway, I was just rummaging through my stuff earlier and found this still in good condition. I really should frame this because it is a reminder of my 18-year old self when I was not jaded in life yet!

RIP Bradpack

 A co-worker passed away yesterday. I've worked with him in various projects and he's always efficient and on time. He's a chatty guy and always so nice. He would call everyone "Bradpack" which was his version of "bro" and "pare". I checked his Facebook and saw his son posted a farewell tribute to his dad. I read the comments and said his father died of COVID. Devastating. It's my first time to know someone personally who died because of this deadly disease. It just makes things feel more real to me. Since I'm work from home now so I didn't get exposed and honesty I didn't even have that much interaction with him lately as well because his shift was later in the afternoon back then. Still, once I go back to the office knowing he won't be there anymore is just making me feel so sad. 

I will miss you Kuya Pat. Rest in Peace.

KJ

 The past few days, I made a conscious effort to minimize my exposure to social media because the situation right now is just making me so anxious and hopeless. However, out of necessity,  I decided to check a few official government pages to get a specific information but I got lost reading a lot of comments from ordinary people. There's a lot of stress, distrust and hardship right now.  I actually got annoyed whenever I see meme/hugot/harot posts in the middle of more serious concerns and insights being shared.  I know that's how some people deal with tough situations - finding humor. But I don't know, it's been a year of this never-ending nightmare that I'm finding it hard to find something to laugh about.

Unchecked

Last Wednesday, I saw a tweet with a photo of long lines in the bus terminal last Wedneday. This is a nightmare back in the normal times but now with added anxiety of catching the virus and getting reprimanded because of an impractical curfew for the working class. This is a clear case of lack of foresight of those who set the rules. Our governor recently made a post about checkpoints that have caused heavy traffic and basically the blame was again placed to the ordinary people. It's harder to be part of the working class in this ordeal we have right now.

Extended Stress

 So today it was announced that the Enhanced Community Quarantine has been extended for another week. It was inevitable with over 10K for 3 days now.  It stresses me out both health concerns and economic issue. I'm not sure if I can go back to the office next week but I really want to. So unbelievable that I'm in this situation yet again

15K

 Yeah another record high, over 15K. Over 3K is backlog from March 31 but still not reassuring. How are we going to deal with this anymore?

Silence

 Today is Maundy Thursday and the start of April. Second holy week and summer season in a pandemic. This week is traditionally quiet and somber but the silence right now is deafening than ever. I hope and pray next year will be better.