Today our salary was given in cash instead of ATM due to some technical issues with the bank. And having my salary in physical form is a different experience. I did a literal budget separated the paper bills to three groups: savings, house expenses, cash on hand. I allocated 1/3 each and it depressed me a little because money is so hard and I really have little room for extra cash. Of course, I'm thankful to have a job in this time but still I can't help but feel so insecure about my financial state. I hate this feeling so much,
Thursday, February 25, 2021
Wednesday, February 24, 2021
February is ending this week and here comes March which also signals the first anniversary when COVID19 was pronounced a pandemic and lockdowns begin all over the world. How could time fly so fast and yet it feels so painfully slow. There's still a lot of mess around vaccines and when and how to open the economy. Then what's really annoying that hey politicking is still pretty present, unwavering. So frustrating really and that I really just want to avoid the news altogether but you need to be informed so yeah just have to control what type of news can consume you and not let it drag everything down. But man it's just so hard.
Tuesday, February 23, 2021
Something I was putting off I finally made the move today and it wasn't what I hoped for. I got heartbroken but I prepared myself for that turnout eventually. However, a twist of events led me to actually getting something else and at the same time, I was able to open up all these pent-up emotions I've been storing inside me for weeks... for months. It was embarrassing but it felt good to speak it all out. Thank you.
Monday, February 22, 2021
Sunday, February 21, 2021
As we near the anniversary when the community quarantine order was announced, the more I feel really sad. One year and things just got worse. Somehow it feels like time flies but at the same time everything moves so slowly. Our lives permanently changed. One or way another, we will never come out of this the same people we were before everything went to hell!
Saturday, February 20, 2021
Went to the grocery with Nanay today and there were barely any people. In a way it's relaxing and those early lockdown days where going to the grocery felt like going to war is long gone. But still it made me think if partly the reason with the lack of people earlier is that people are just struggling right now. We are less than a month away from the 1st year anniversary of the ECQ. Time flies but everything feels so slow. The vaccine rollout is quite messy so another thing to get stresses about really. Is this what it feels like to live in a historical moment. There are so many things I have learned from this but I can't feel at ease because of the uncertainty and general lack of proper guidance and trustworthy leadership.
Friday, February 19, 2021
Today there was a decision made for the future and while it is needed, I felt pressured and of course for the inevitable but I don't want to happen anytime soon. I don't know why I always think of the bad implications first even if there's a positive direction behind this particular decision. With these decisions as well, I need to be more proactive as well and accept and handle more adult decisions. I'm 33 for crying out loud so it's overdue really but I just feel like I can't handle what lies ahead. I'm just scared of the future but I should change that attitude and be braver. Dear Lord please guide me and my family.
Thursday, February 18, 2021
I want to make one move that could help things improve but I can't shake off the feeling of fear and thus keeping me from making the first step. I keep delaying what I should have done long ago. I fear rejection. I fear the spotlight would be put on me when I want to stay as private as possible. But I badly the door that this thing will open if I can be just brave enough to knock.
Wednesday, February 17, 2021
According to WHO, the GLOBAL number of new coronavirus cases has declined by 16 percent and the number of deaths declined by 10% too! This is a promising development and I hope the downward trend continues. This is giving me hope that maybe by the end of the year a semblance of the old normal will return. Please oh dear Lord, let this be the start of the end of this nightmare.
Tuesday, February 16, 2021
- Cinema reopening in Metro Manila is on hold due to concerns by the mayors. It sucks but I get it and I do hope they find the right measures so the cinemas can open safely like in the provinces. I really want this industry to survive, streaming is great and accessible but also prone to piracy so there's that.
- Tomorrow is my sister's birthday and of course my birthday wish/prayer is good health after the medical concerns she had early this year.
-Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the lenten season is here. Last year's Lent fell in the middle of the strict lockdown and it was such an eerie feeling especially during Maundy Thursday and Good Friday our subdivision went on full lockdown. Now it's almost a year later. It's not as strict anymore but still nowhere near the old normal. And we don't know for how long
Monday, February 15, 2021
Sunday, February 14, 2021
My father had a dream last night about his departed siblings. He said it seems like they wanted to take him too. He got scared of course and we told to him to relax and don't think negatively. Admittedly, I got scared too but I didn't want to show it and I shifted topics because I don't want him to dwell on those thoughts. However, my mother got scared and she manifested it by being irritated at my father, telling him he should have a check up if he is feeling something off and stop thinking negative thoughts. It was quite stressful to be honest. I know my father is just feeling sad after losing his 3 brothers in a year. That's something he won't be able to move on easily especially the death of his youngest brother because it was so unexpected and we saw him suffer so much. It still makes me cry when I think about it so what more Tatay? Dear Lord please guide him at all times.
Saturday, February 13, 2021
Cinemas in NCR are finally allowed to open! Looking forward to see what releases will be in play. Whule there were cinemas open in provinces since last quarter of 2020, there were no major releases as the top marker - Metro Manila - is not open. I understand there are still health concerns but as far as I know there's no reported outbreak anywhere in the world where cinemas are open and for sure protocols will be strictly enforced so theaters deserve to get a chance to regain business. I wish them well!
Friday, February 12, 2021
Thursday, February 11, 2021
I had very busy day at work because tomorrow is a holiday (Chinese New Year. Why it became a holiday here I dunno haha!). I can't believe I did 10 program grids, cut-to-cut video editing for 20 episodes and quality check for 5 episodes all in one day. But good thing actually that the bosses told me I could ask for help from the special projects who are currently in between projects so at least my burden was lessened. But I love being busy today, it felt like I was back in the pre-pandemic times. I also didn't have the time to linger on thoughts that upset me lately.
Wednesday, February 10, 2021
I was reminded how one of my concerns is far from over. It was tough but I need to deal with the reality of life. I don't know for how long can I endure facing this matter. Everything is up in the air. It's hard not to lose hope, It's hard not to feel defeated. It's hard not feel the anger that's brewing inside of me. Why did this have to happen? Why do they always win? Why are they empowered? I'm terrified of what the future awaits.
Tuesday, February 09, 2021
Monday, February 08, 2021
Today I found out my original shuttle ride driver Kuya Rems passed away. I knew he was sick that's why he stopped his shuttle services but I didn't expect he will leave us soon. Life is so fragile. Rest in Peace Kuya Rems, thank you for safely driving us your passengers for all these years. I will never forget you.
Sunday, February 07, 2021
My brother went to our province Bohol today to be with his wife as they haven't seen in each other in over a year due to the pandemic. Currently, he is in quarantine in the LGU where they live in Bohol. After that he will stay there for a few more weeks before going back here because of his work. But I do think eventually my brother will reside in Bohol for good to be with his wife because I don't think my sister in law will leave there as honestly she has the more stable job right now while my brother's company is not in good shape. Plus they should be together raising their own family together. I really hope they'll have their own kid soon because my brother will definitely be a good father as he is a caring brother, son , husband and friend. I want to have another nephew or niece too! I'm glad though their year apart together is over now because love is hard to maintain when you are not together physically.
Saturday, February 06, 2021
Our company did the dubbing for this and I'm part of the team working on this as the Quality Checker. One thing I can say for sure is that iba talaga charisma ni Thalia. Whille previewing the episodes, I can't but for her charms here. Anyway, this is a good project for the company and glad to be part of it!
Friday, February 05, 2021
The current #1 on various international charts and I'm loving this song. The bridge is my favorite, there's just something that's captivating from it. I know there's Gen Z love triangle behind this song which probably helped this song gain buzz but the song is simply good that it wasn't just a one week wonder. It shows how music can be an effective storyteller. I heard this song on the radio for the first time this week and it's sound so good there. Anyway, here's Olivia Rodrigo's first live TV performance of this song and she did really great, amazing vocals. She has so much potential at 17.
Thursday, February 04, 2021
Wednesday, February 03, 2021
So on tonight's PBB episode, this guy housemate started to act coldly to a girl housemate because he does not feel comfortable with the housemates teasing them. That I could understand but he went on and said a very problematic statement where he dissed the girl's looks. Later on the two had the chance to talk but I honestly didn't feel that he truly understood what's problematic with his behavior and instead made it about himself in the end. What I saw triggered me because I felt like there are lot of people like him out there who don't have awareness on what's wrong with their behavior and mindset. And that's dangerous. On a grander level, we are in this quite messy situation because many people behave like that. PBB in general is a fluffy reality show but a moment like that is what draws me into the show 15 years in. Once in awhile, there's an incident that would really make me things on a deeper level.
Tuesday, February 02, 2021
One of my longtime and closest co-worker went back to the office today after working from home for half a year. She's back working at the office fulltime now because thankfully we have a lot of projects now and she's needed to be in the office due to logistics of the project. We had a good catching up earlier too because we haven't seen each other in months! My video editor also dropped by today. He also works remotely because he went back home in Tarlac when the lockdown began . He is in NCR this week due to processing of her documents abroad (where his mother petitioned him) and decided to go to the office today to work. It's good to see him again and be able to instruct him in person in some of the tasks that was honestly hard to work out online. It's still different when you get to see the people you work with in person. Today is still far from normal but familiar, I'll take it.
Monday, February 01, 2021
I feel off again today. It's a combination of frustrations on so many things in my life right now. Plus, the never ending despair I feel for the country. Earlier, I saw this news feature of struggling small time businesses in Cebu and one vendor said that she cries everyday with the low sales and my heart broke. And then another news feature mentioned a statement from a WHO official saying that life won't truly return to normal until after 2 years. Oh my God.