I love the weather today! The perfect weather to slack off but I didn't because I did some work from home stuff where one stressed me a little because I got frustrated over something that's so preventable but keeps on happening despite many attempts to correct it. It's not exactly my fault but I feel it is because of my attitude of being too nice where stricter discipline was needed. But the thing is if I can avoid stressful stuff, I would take that road first but clearly it's not the best option for this situation. Good thing that the other work task I had was more relaxing because I did a preview and quality check of a dubbing project. Anyway, back to the weather, I hope it stays for a few more days or weeks! Living in this constantly stressful world of health hazards and political insanity, a cool weather gives a temporary retrieve from all the anxiety!
Saturday, January 30, 2021
Yesterday was stressful. I had multiple things to accomplish at work that had complications because my video editor is work from home and it's extra hard to manage that particular task remotely! Then of course I learned about my sibling's not so good medical test results that really made me worry although admittedly I went a little overboard with it and immediately thought of the worst case scenario. It was really more a reminder to take care of one's health and precautions. In hindsight, it's good that particular finding was detected earlier on to prevent a bigger issue. Anyway, we were more relax today because stressing out is also hazardous so one needs to be calm and to stay relaxed. It's more harmful to think of negative things immediately. The medical concern is something we can all survive like we did in the past.
I treated my family after receiving my 13th month this week but it was just a simple pancit bihon and Chicken Joy bucket but everybody appreciated it. Thank you Lord that despite these hard times, I still to get to receive a blessing. Please continue to guide my famly and keep us away from any form of harm.
Friday, January 29, 2021
So found out a sibling has a medical concern right now. She needs more tests and check-up with a specialist but still, it's worrying me a lot right but as I was talking to her earlier, I was trying to boost her morale that it won't be that alarming in the end but deep inside I'm very worried but the last thing she needs is another worrywart too so I need to hide that one. Oh dear Lord please protect my sister from any alarming illness, please let it be a minor thing that can be resolved through medicine and proper diet. I'm so scared but I need to be tougher.
Thursday, January 28, 2021
So I watched another virtual premiere of a digitally restored Filipino film via KTX again today! This time it's a 1984 film called SOLTERO (bachelor). Admittedly, I've never heard of this film until it was announced that it will have a screening this week but the premise piqued my interest because it's about the life of a single Filipino man. It's sad that the director, screenwriter and lead actor (Jay Ilagan) are no longer with us. I would have wanted to hear their thoughts in hindsight. We did get to hear two actresses from the film - Rio Locsin and Chanda Romero as they talk about what if was ike when they shot this film and you could clearly feel this was a special one as they tell their stories and insights with so much gusto.
Since I knew nothing about this film I didn't know what to expect but you know that's sometimes the thrill of the cinema, it takes you to places unfamiliar and experience a different kind of life. And this film is also such a time capsule of the mid 80s and glad to see a film capture an ordinary kind of life during that time before I was born with clear video! Anyway, this film is more of a character study with slice of life attack but it's never really boring. The bits and pieces that we knew about the life of Crispin (the lead) are full of subtle details that resonates. This film ultimately explores the loneliness one could feel where you are not that young anymore but not too old either. It perfectly encapsulates the emptiness one could feel. But what I like about is that in the end, there's hope that being a decent and loving person will still lead you a life worth living.
You could stream SOLTERO and other digitally restored Pinoy classics over at KTX
Wednesday, January 27, 2021
So yeah today we finally received our 13th month pay, yes a month delayed but it doesn't matter, I'm grateful. Not gonna lie I was losing hope but I reminded myself that our boss didn't give his word for nothing. It took awhile but hey it's finally here. I already gave some of it to my parents because they deserve. My bonus this month is not that big compared to previous years for obvious reasons so I'm cautious with this and I'm not planning to spend that much. I am just thinking of getting my laptop monitor finally fixed though but we'll see I hope I could find a good deal for this, Thank you Lord for this blessing, it was worth the wait.
Tuesday, January 26, 2021
Looks like I received some good news today. "Looks like" because I'm a paranoid person and I'm trying to manage my expectations because what if it won't push through again and I get heartbroken again. I need to see it fully realized first! So I'm holding off any plans for now but can't deny I'm getting a little giddy too because I've been waiting for it. Hopefully, nothing will stop this now from happening.
Monday, January 25, 2021
I watched Ang Probinsyano earlier tonight on YouTube and the episode reached 102K live viewers. That's a major milestone for local TV livestreaming on YouTube. When ABS CBN started livestreaming their shows on YouTube, Probinsyano started above 20K live viewers and eventually to regular 50K viewers. It was a big episode with a death of major character so no wonder viewers sought it out but it made me wonder if there's a good chunk of viewers that are comfortable watching TV shows online now especially with the rise of Smart TV usage among the middle class. It's an interesting shift to witness.
Sunday, January 24, 2021
The last week of January is upon us and time flies and yet everything feels so long. Everything is just so up in the air. This pandemic. This political atmosphere. I can't feel an end soon. It's a long tunnel of frustration. Endure and survive each day the best way we can. Each day poses a new challenge. I wanna treasure each moment but can't help but feel so much time has been wasted. How can we reclaim the lost years of our lives?
Saturday, January 23, 2021
More than ever I'm feeling the economic aftermath of this pandemic. While there were still some financial disappointments but I'm so happy to still have a job and the company is still afloat. A big hotel in Makati will close down next week. A car manufacturing factory located in Laguna will close too. The prices of basic goods are skyrocketing. One sibling got laid off and my two other siblings while still employed, their companies are struggling too and there's so much uncertainty. I have a lot of fear and whenever I see so much arrogance from public officials I just feel so hopeless.
Friday, January 22, 2021
I'm thinking of making a move that could help alleviate one of my problems right now. The thing is I'm afraid to do so out of fear of rejection. But I really need to something, to step it up. Diskarte. I lack that but it should change if I ever want to have a shot to improve my current status. Terribly afraid of failure. I need to overcome that
Thursday, January 21, 2021
Today was US President Joe Biden's and VP Kamala Harris' inauguration and it was a pleasant event. Such a relief to have someone in a powerful position to be an agent of common decency. No arrogance. No antagonistic tone. The scene stealer though is this young poet's recitation or her piece "The Hill We Climb". Her name is Amanda Gorman and she blew me away! Powerful words and the rights one we need to hear in these trying times. Here's the clip and transcript
Wednesday, January 20, 2021
* Today I thought one thing I've been waiting for will finally happen but nope it still ain't happening /
* While not as awful as last week, I still feel some tooth ache from time to time
* One thing that I thought was over came back again awhile to give me some stress.
* I had a chat with my carpool mate earlier, a nice elderly man who continues to work just because he still can and wants to be useful. Of course because of my age, he asked if I had my own family and I said no because I'm devoted to looking after my parents which made me think again of how I wish I could so much more for my parents financially speaking. I feel inadequate.
*I feel so hopeless if things can ever go back to what it used to be.
Tuesday, January 19, 2021
I'm so tired of everything that is happening in this country. I'm tired of so much arrogance, so much shady decisions, so much trolling, so much obnoxiousness. I'm tired of those who continue to believe that this person is doing the right thing, that we are being led to the right direction. There's so much blatant disregard of what is proper and sensible right now. I cringe when people find the statements made as funny. Nothing is hilarious anymore. We are "entertained" way too much. I'm so upset to live in this moment where I feel like we can't get a win. Everything feels hopeless. Everything that could go wrong is happening. I'm so frustrated. I'm so afraid of what the future beholds.
Monday, January 18, 2021
Last week I saw two small private schools here that have FOR LEASE signs on their now former buildings. It was such a sad sight to see. I never expected that I will see so many schools closing. I thought I've adjusted with this life we have right now but I can't shake off this feeling of uneasiness whenever I'm reminded of how much lives have changed.
And then you see the grave mishandling of the potential solution to end this ordeal. I'm so frustrated!
Sunday, January 17, 2021
Over 2 million people have died because of COVID19 and this pandemic has no signs of slowing down anytime soon. The effect of this pandemic still lingers. The vaccination program in the country is one big mess. Frustrating. It makes my blood boil. Are we really this hopeless? I don't know if I can be enthusiastic about the future. I can't feel any source of inspiration right now.
Saturday, January 16, 2021
I'm in a foul mood today. There are just instances in my life where I feel it's so unfair but I have no control over it. And honestly root source is money. I absolutely hate it. Again, I know people have it worst but it does not invalidate my current struggles right now. So many frustrations but I'm trapped, so few options left. So many what ifs.
Then you see the news, it's just so frustrating how the attitude of the people are. Harap harapan na tayong ginago pero where's the outrage? Ok na lang talaga na ganito na lang? Exhausting and tiring, I want to escape from it all
Friday, January 15, 2021
I'm still on a high from last night's remastered Radio Romance digital premiere which by the way you can watch here: https://www.ktx.ph/category/radio-romance
There are other restored films that's screening over KTX too for the Sagip Pelikula Film Festival and I plan to watch more! This is the type of endeavor I really want to support because these films are classics and the opportunity to watch them in full glory is a treat! I hope more people will check it out because these films deserve to been by a new generation!
Thursday, January 14, 2021
So I watched the digital premiere of the remastered 1996 movie Radio Romance via the platform KTX. I've seen this before when I was a kid but to be honestly I don't remember that much anymore and I was in the mood for a nostalgia trip to a much simpler time. Before the movie, there was a talk from the writer-director Jose Javier Reyes and it was a delight to listen and I especially like the end where he discussed why restoring old movies is so important because they are the photographs of the past, it's a peak where we have started and how tradition is important to have direction in the future. Such wise words. Anyway, the movie was a treat, it's like Love Actually of course this one came first! So many stories of love and generally light to watch. I definitely enjoyed seeing the sign of those times. I giggled when Rico Yan's character boasted to Claudine's character that his PC has 1 gig memory! It was also fascinating to be reminded how back then cellphones weren't mainstream and when people meet up, it really is just word of honor! And course when parents worry when their kids got home late, they have no means to contact where they are aside from calling the landlines of their kid's friend's houses! And course the radio booth set up and the displays of the different kinds of radios and components at that time. So nostalgic!
You can watch the restored Radio Romance this week on KTX
Wednesday, January 13, 2021
So yeah my toothache is still here and it's quite a hassle! Anyway, thank you Ponstan for making it bearable at least. To be honest, I don't go the dentist regularly, no one in our house does. I never had "official" tooth extraction and just let it fall off naturally. I did had tooth filling once and several cleanings. I know it's not late to do better with my dental health though so yeah I better make sure to get this done immediately. Going to the dentist is a little complicated with COVID around though
Tuesday, January 12, 2021
I have a toothache tonight, first time in awhile. I already took pain reliever but there are still few pinches of pain every now and then. I really hate this feeling because it's so inconvenient and quite bothersome. Hopefully, tomorrow I will feel better because I have many things to do at work!
Monday, January 11, 2021
A few minutes ago I saw a window to a chance to fulfill a dream. But of course I just peeked and fantasized of what could have been. I think that little fire in me will always keep burning. I wish I was in the position to take a risk and finally take that chance. Heck, before I saw that I was dealing with something that's keeping me from going anywhere near that window. And I will be honest, all I have is just the desire but I have no skills and confidence to make it happen. It does feel good to dream again like I was a young person beaming with potential. It's too late now.
Sunday, January 10, 2021
My nephew finally had his haircut today, first time since March! My sister was just trimming his hair for the past few month but it was just too long and looks untidy. He looks very pleasant and actually younger like he's 10 again!
My sister also had a check up because of a hip pain she's experiencing since last week when she lifted something in their room the wrong way. Her husband got worried because he is just like us we worry about these things and immediately thinks of the bad case scenario. Thankfully, it wasn't the case and she just needs some medication and also avoid lifting things because she just had muscle strain.
I initially thought of doing some advanced work task today but got lazy because it's a Sunday, I deserve a break. But it made me think maybe that's why I'm stagnant because I don't push myself beyond what's needed? Maybe I need to exert more effort.
Saturday, January 09, 2021
I realized this week that I'm not over a "heartbreak". It's in quotations because it's not the heartbreak normal people have. It's a different kind of heartbreak over something I've always cared about but never thought I was this passionate until it was gone. Hopefully just temporary. This matter had an abrupt end and under questionable circumstances. Months have passed and yet I still feel sad with what happened. I feel incomplete. I try to move on but I just can't because what happened is unfair and there was a lot of nastiness involved. I truly hope one day it will get the vindication it deserves.
Friday, January 08, 2021
I was busy all day juggling work task and family errands. I like being productive though because my mind is preoccupied and I don't dwell on unpleasant thoughts. This week I had a lot of those and it didn't help I had a horrible dream earlier. Maybe it was the manifestation of my worries. Tonight, I had a lull time and those thoughts haunted me again. I can't seem to relax. I feel so frustrated to a lot of things but I need to be a tougher person because I'm really finding myself to be the center of a lot of pressure more and more each day.
Thursday, January 07, 2021
Yeah the streak of mind-blowing terrible things happening continues to the new year. So much bad news already in the first seven days of 2021. In the news dominating social media is the mysterious death of a flight attendant and annoyingly it had been used by politicians, police and resulted to slut shaming, outing gay people and a lot of homophobic and sexist remarks. It's such a sloppy investigation. So frustrating
And today there was chaos in America when supporters of the outgoing president attacked the Capitol in protest. Crazy day. Never though I would witness such horrible things in my lifetime.
Wednesday, January 06, 2021
My brother told us that he got laid off today and next week is his last week of employment. What a downer to open 2021 but a lot of companies are struggling these days. He has savings and still single so no immediate financial concern but still it sucks. He's planning to be a rider for logistics apps as he feels like he does not want to be tied up to a company anymore and there could be more financial success in this industry. He's not as techie savvy though so it could be a struggle for awhile but at least he has a plan and determined to rise from this one.
Tuesday, January 05, 2021
Monday, January 04, 2021
Sunday, January 03, 2021
Tonight was PBB Connect's second eviction night and the one that was voted out was a guy who got outed as someone who tweeted that he was in favor of ABS-CBN shutdown. He admitted it voluntarily in the house and for me he did look genuinely remorseful of what he did. He's also 19, probably too young to fully understand the issue. When he got evicted, I did feel sad because he knew it was coming because of his tweet and I felt the sincerity when he apologized. However, it's good that he got evicted. Host Robi said it perfectly that you can forgive but not forget and if he was saved it would be like an insult too the people working or got retrenched as well. But his case just made me think about the people I know in real life who were also like him who was in favor of the shutdown. Aside from that problematic political devotion, they are generally good people so it's really hard to permanently delete them from your life. I also think maybe they just don't really understand the deeper implications of the situation too. In a time like this of aggressive and antagonistic political stance, a calm and sensible discourse is overshadowed by the louder voices. It's so frustrating and alarming and how I wish I am eloquent enough to convince people to examine their views.
Saturday, January 02, 2021
For the first time since 1997 I didn't listen to the radio year end charts on New Year's Eve. I've talked about ending this tradition I've had since I was 10 years old before but it was a hard habit to break but this time I just didn't have the enthusiasm anymore, I didn't get excited like I used to. I did try to listen to one but I didn't last because it's just not connecting to me anymore. I still did check out the results posted on social media and PEx eventually but I didn't have the interest to listen live on radio and anticipate as each song is revealed one by one. Maybe it's just me growing out of this hobby or maybe a part of how last year zapped the energy out of me. I thought I will be sad that I ended a long tradition but I didn't. It just felt like a natural end.
Friday, January 01, 2021
A very cold day on the first year of 2021. I had multiple naps in between meals today! I consumed a lot of food today which was not good I know. I love the weather though because it is relaxing this is the weather I wanted to feel last month! Anyway, this cool weather stays for awhile. I'm cautiously hopeful for this year. I acknowledged the challenges are far from over and there are still a lot of things that is frustrating me a lot but I need to keep hope alive.