Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Worried/Relieved

Another test tomorrow and I'm really hoping and  praying for favorable results . I always get stressed but I never show it to avoid inciting panic but I struggle with this inner worries each time. Oh Lord please guide my Nanay.

Meanwhile, Tatay will get his second dose of the Moderna vaccine tomorrow too! I feel so happy that Tatay didn't have to wait a long time to get fully vaccinated especially since his vaccine is quite hard to get here. 

Monday, September 20, 2021

Losing It

 Stressed out once more as I deal with anxiety. Not just my own but loved ones as well. I feel like giving up sometimes but I can't. I won't . But it's really testing me to be honest, I feel like breaking down. I try to console myself that there are other worst case scenario to take things into perspective but during the moments like this when I face yet another stressful situation, it's so hard to handle. It's so hard to stay sane. But I can't break down. I just can't. I don't want to. 

Sunday, September 19, 2021

Sting

Quite a stressful day as I once again became the middleman of two conflicts. The root of the conflict is a very small thing but I don't know people seek drama or pride just gets in the way. This has been so repetitive so the best thing that I do is just not added fuel to the fire because I just want peace of mind. It's so tiring and it does not help my toothache has returned. Dealing with today has been such a hassle

Saturday, September 18, 2021

Blind

 My brother shared how he overheard some of his co-workers bashing the "opponents" of the current regime. They are believing everything he says even if is already blatantly obvious how shady the deals of the people connected to him. Despite everything that is happening their really is still a lot of people supporting him no matter what. I don't understand why. We just had over 23K cases today. Second highest of all time. I feel so hopeless

Friday, September 17, 2021

Dim

 Here at the office and done with today's work. I'm actually just killing time now because my carpool will arrive at 4:30 PM.  There are a few people left  and half of the office is dark with the lights turned off. A year and a half later and I still can't help but feel with this so-called new normal. I got used to how to work now in a pandemic but I still long for the "before" times. Friday is even quieter these days as seen in the streets of Ayala. A strike contrast pre-March 2020 where Fridays are so hectic! I miss it a lot now. When will this end? How will it look once the dust settles? So much certainty. 

Thursday, September 16, 2021

What I Want This Christmas

100 days before Christmas! Another holiday season in this pandemic. Managing my expectations but hoping for the best. Praying for stress-free Christmas. I hope Nanay's recovery will continue and all other health threats will be squashed. Same goes in general to my family, save us from a life threatening diseases That's truly what I want for this Christmas.

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

Good Doctor

 Nanay's checkout went well but some lab results for her diabetes management needs some work to get it back to the level three months go but the doctor was so reassuring and answered our every inquiry very well. That's the kind of doctor I really like and you could see how Nanay is comfortable with her too. That's really important. Glad Nanay decided to continue going to this clinic where her records are there and the clinic is so good. The doctor that handled her diabetes concerns at the hospital where she had her operation has a schedule that's way too packed that when we had her post-operation checkup we waited for nearly 3 hours for her to arrive and past 5PM too! Not ideal and honestly during the consultation I felt like she was rushing us off because of the queue of patients. Major red flag and her consultation fee is 700! In our regular clinic it's less than 400 pesos. It really was a no brainer and glad I didn't have to convince Nanay  because she made the decision herself.  Getting a good doctor is so essential and glad we found one that Nanay trusts and makes her feel safe. 

Tuesday, September 14, 2021

Worries, Worries

Nanay's regular checkup for her diabetes tomorrow. I checked the lab results and while I'm no expert but since I've been accompanying her for over a year now I have some idea how it works and I think the results are something that we should be cautious about but of course will have to wait for the doctor's professional advice tomorrow. I'm preparing myself now though but hopefully my worst fears won't come to fruition. It's been a challenge monitoring Nanay's health these days. She does look okay and not frail but I do feel she's quite worried about her health. I hate to see Nanay in that state but still it could have been worst and she's still in better condition. Oh Lord please bless Nanay. Tatay too whose experiences arthritis too but he's quite active doing some household chores so that's good I guess. I'm 34 and it's normal stage of life now but I sometimes I still feel nervous and pressured about looking after my parents' health. It's been one heck of an emotional ride and still surviving the best way I can. 

Monday, September 13, 2021

No!

 Nanay had trouble sleeping last night and got so anxious. Tonight she's sleeping well. She will have some routine lab tests tomorrow. Hoping and praying for good results. I was glad one medical decision I really wanted to happen but she rejected initially will now happen as she changed her mind earlier. I do think it's for the best and Nanay realized that too. It's been a challenge handing her recovery but she's in good spirits and sometimes I forget her condition because everything feels normal these days. But sometimes negative stuff crosses my mind, imagining a bad scenario. It's so hard to feel this way but I'm trying my best to fight it off because right now there's no room for that kind of bad energy. No way. 

Sunday, September 12, 2021

A1

 My laptop keyboard is having issues with letter A and number 1. Sometimes they don't appear as instant as it should. It's making some of my work quite a hassle. Yeah I really need a new laptop but I can't afford right now. Things like this makes me frustrated. What to do but deal with it the best way I can. It's still function decently but days like this makes me wish I'm in a better financial state.