March To Where?

 First day of March and in 2 weeks, it would have been a full year since the community quarantine and the normal life we knew changed forever. So where are we heading? So messy. So alarming. So infuriating. Aside from the fear of getting the virus itself, the mental toll this ordeal has put upon is excruciating. No thanks to so many questionable decisions. My frustration just grows each day. It's hard not to lose hope. It's such a big test to hold on despite everything/. 

Lukewarm

 So today the first COVID vaccines finally arrived in the country. But it's the least desirable brand with only 50% effectivity. Not surprised so many are hesitant about it at all. But it also sucks that there's a lot f fear with vaccines right now in general. Likely an effect of the the Dengvaxia issue that had misinformation and fear mongering surrounding it. I grew up with the late DOH Secretary Juan Flavier and he really a very effective information drive to encourage people for vaccines that reached even the remote areas. It sucks that all the hard work he did had been tarnished with the general public's fear of vaccines right now. Of course it does not help that a questionable vaccine brand is the one that got here, way to intensify the anxiety!

Distract

 Back on Netflix lately to watch films with Oscar buzz and some shows too. Last time I was on Netflix was last April in the middle of the hard lockdown. Another reason I went to Netflix as well because my brother was curious with the Korean drama Crash Landing on You after finding out the story involves North Korea because he is fascinated with that country's mystery, so I lent my account to him. He got laid off recently so he's been at home lately and I've noticed he watches a lot of political stuff on YouTube which really gets him mad which I can't blame him really given how frustration the situation is. So yeah when he mentioned about his interest about the show so I though this is a good way to give him a nice distraction from everything. He actually enjoyed the  show and binged it in three days. He's watching various stuff on Netflix which is good although he is still into current politics but at least it does not consume him that much like before. 

1/3

 Today our salary was given in cash instead of ATM due to some technical issues with the bank. And having my salary in physical form is a different experience. I did a literal budget separated the paper bills to three groups: savings, house expenses, cash on hand. I allocated 1/3 each and it depressed me a little because money is so hard and I really have little room for extra cash. Of course, I'm thankful to have a job in this time but still I can't help but feel so insecure about my financial state. I hate this feeling so much,

35

So today is the EDSA People Power 35th Anniversary and I'm so sad that the memory of that historical moment feels like an afterthought now and some even degraded it. I can't believe that a time like this would happen in my lifetime. When will this madness end?

Fast and Slow

 February is ending this week and here comes March which also signals the first anniversary when COVID19 was pronounced a pandemic and lockdowns begin all over the world.  How could time fly so fast and yet it feels so painfully slow. There's still a lot of mess around vaccines and when and how to open the economy. Then what's really annoying that hey politicking is still pretty present, unwavering. So frustrating really and that I really just want to avoid the news altogether but you need to be informed so yeah just have to control what type of news can consume you and not let it drag everything down. But man it's just so hard. 

Bare

 Something I was putting off I finally made the move today and it wasn't what I hoped for. I got heartbroken but I prepared myself for that turnout eventually. However, a twist of events led me to actually getting something else and at the same time, I was able to open up all these pent-up emotions I've been storing inside me for weeks... for months. It was embarrassing but it felt good to speak it all out. Thank you.

Again and Again

I don't know if this is because of this never ending pandemic and political problems but I just feel so down lately again. I continue to worry about a lot of things to from national concerns to personal problems. I wish it stops because it's quite hard to deal with it on a constant basis while pretending in front of other people that everything's OK. There's just a lot things that remind how everything is right now. How our lives have changed so much. And how it can never be the same again.

Damaged Souls

 As we near the anniversary when the community quarantine order was announced, the more I feel really sad. One year and things just got worse. Somehow it feels like time flies but at the same time everything moves so slowly. Our lives permanently changed. One or way another, we will never come out of this the same people we were before everything went to hell!

Dash

 Went to the grocery with Nanay today and there were barely any people. In a way it's relaxing and those early lockdown days where going to the grocery felt like going to war is long gone. But still it made me think if partly the reason with the lack of people earlier is that people are just struggling right now. We are less than a month away from the 1st year anniversary of the ECQ. Time flies but everything feels so slow. The vaccine rollout is quite messy so another thing to get stresses about really. Is this what it feels like to live in a historical moment. There are so many things I have learned from this but I can't feel at ease because of the uncertainty and general lack of proper guidance and trustworthy leadership.