Manageable

I'm currently being challenged financially yet again. I hate that I feel a little resentful that I'm getting the lion's share of the burden but I need to be the one to understand everyone's situation. I hate that I feel I'm being tricked. Perhaps that thought is something of an excuse I made because I'm so frustrated. I wish my financial situation was better so I won't feel bad for feeling this way. Still, I just think that in the grand scheme of things this is not that big of a problem and I'm just stressing myself out for something that is manageable anyway. I just need to tighten my belt even further and be more patient. Also, I better control myself so it won't show that I feel a little resentful because I know I'm in the wrong here. I don't want to ignite anything that would just add more to my anxiety. Hey, that's why I write it even if I do vaguely because it helps process what I feel and feel a little better. Or as better as one I could hope for. 

Should I?

 There was an incident today that's annoying but also worrying at the same time. I'm not sure if there's a truth with this person was claiming or just a case of being absent-minded. It's been a recurring incident over the years though and I'm worried if there's a bigger implication in the future. It is me again thinking the worst case scenario yet again but I can't help it. Oh dear Lord please don't let my fears happen.

Assist

 I've been helping my nephew with his modules because his computer broke down and is currently getting fixed but it will take a while because there's a major replacement needed and my sister is still looking for an affordable replacement. I've been downloading his modules and uploading them on their school's site. He does the modules on his phone, it's quite amazing how can he do it via MS Word app. I can never do that, I need a keyboard! Just two weeks left for this strange school year which even my nephew says doesn't feel like real school. I hope next school year he can finally return to school safely of course. This module mode is not working out in actually educating today's students. Just not effective. 

A Visit

 My nanay's Mother's Day was special because she had a surprise visit from her older sister after a year of not seeing each other! I definitely felt my mother's happiness to see her sister again. My auntie just decided out of the blue to visit because she and my cousin went to a place that's a littler near our town. They really had a long chat today and I'm very please to see how she's in a good mood afterwards. 

Snippets 13

 It's so hot today! It's almost 12AM as I type this and it's so uncomfortable with this humid! The weather is also one of the reasons I like working at the office with the cold aircon! Anyway, tomorrow is Mother's Day. Second one in quarantine. Nanay just wants pancit and of course we will buy one. But I do miss the times we used to go out even just in the fast food to eat out. I hope next year will be better!

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My nephew's PC broke down and it's tricky to have it fixed due to the pandemic. Thankfully he can do his school stuff on his phone. Good thing he's so used to do this. I can't do typing stuff on phone! I need a keyboard! His school year ends later this month and he can't wait for it. He said to me he didn't like zoom school especially his Math class where he is not satisfied how it is being taught! I feel for him because math is better understood with a good teacher in person. I hope next school year will be better.

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Elections a year from now. I'm so nervous but trying to remain hopeful things can change. It must change please.

The Boss

Today our big boss treated us with McDonalds for everyone present in the office to celebrate his birthday. He turns 76 tomorrow but he still has the same energy when I started working year nearly 12 years ago. God bless him more because he is the heart of the company. One of the reasons I've stayed here for so long because of my respect to him and his genuine care for his employees. Back in 2012 our company had a major financial crisis where I thought it's gonna be the end but I remember him entering our office and talking to one of out then senior employees and he apologized to her with our delayed salaries and promised he will do all his best to rise from this. I was really touched and a pivotal moment in my working career. Our company is not perfect and still has a lot to work on but I wouldn't stay here for this long if I didn't at home and he is one of the reasons why. 

Thank You!

So yeah today I made the payment for an online writing workshop  which I registered like two weeks ago but I only had the money just today to pay for it. I had to save up money for it but big thanks to a friend who also helped out after he read it here. His nice gesture was actually the driving force for me to push through. Truth be told, I don't receive this act of kindness often so I'm deeply touched. Thank you JP!

Whole Again

 It's been a year since ABS-CBN free TV and radio operations were shutdown. I spent the day reading stories about that fateful  day as past and present employees process their emotions then and now. The report TV Patrol had earlier left me with goosebumps. While they're down they continue to fight.  I'm glad they still exist in various platforms. They are scattered with pieces of what they used to be. Not as wide as they used to be but at least they're not totally out of the picture. I can't wait for the day when they can be whole again.  A vindication. 

Endure

Checking out the news is so exhausting because of the level of shamelessness and absurdity present. And the vitriol as well, so suffocating. I still can't believe there's millions of people here that is okay with how he handles everything. The excuses to justify bad behavior are insane. The incoherence. The trolling. The delusion. I'm seriously worried that pandemic will continue on until next year and they found to suspend the elections. Please God no. While it's not really an assurance things could change by next year's election given the ridiculous public support this person but still I'm clinging on to hope common decency can still prevail. Please. Let us see the light.

Not There

 Another night where I feel sentimental which ended up me enveloped in sadness. What's the reason? To be honest nothing in particular but more of a collective feeling from my various issues in life. A mix of personal drama and frustrations in society. I feel so incomplete. I have so many regrets. I'm trying to repress my frustrations because I can't do anything about it right now. There is always something in my life that will remind of what I don't have, of what I can't do, on how far I'm behind. It's so hard to catch up.