Pacing

I struggled at first this week but I turned it around and probably had my best output in a long time. Still have some goals to meet but so glad to end the month on a less chaotic note. Next month, let's make it smoother!

Next Again

 Something I dreamed of doing and hoped to start once again didn't pan out. I didn't even try. Oh, well. I hope there is a next time. 

Designs

Good to know some things are clearing up now. Still need to work on some stuff but and I still do give in to some of my worst tendencies but it is improving and I will continue to my best to have a less chaotic flow!

School

 My nephew graduated junior high school. In the old days, he would be entering college the next school year but it's now senior high which I think is fine really because he basically just had 2 years of real high school, as he spent his first 2 years online school due to the pandemic. And I also do think 18 is good to enter college, although I know a lot of Pinoys are bemoaning the fact of another two years, I get the concern but I do think it is a necessary change that will have long-term benefits. Anyway, time flies really because his elementary "graduation" done at home and on Facebook due to covid is still fresh on my mind.  

67th!

 Happy Birthday Nanay! Thank you Lord for always guiding my mother.

12 years ago

 

Mighty Little Man

 Young Sheldon returned in our Netflix Top 10 here (Philippines). Maybe it's finale publicity even if the final season is not out on our Netflix yet but it did receive quite some coverage on local online media. US shows don't really do that well here compared to the dominance of Korean dramas and anime. And if some manage to breakout, it usually is a Netflix original megahit, very rarely do acquisitions do that well in our market, some would appear on the week it was added as House did. YS is also the same but it stayed #1 for a while and was in the top 10 for a few more weeks before it dropped out, so for it to return to the top 10 again is interesting to me.

I also found out my nephew, the same age as Iain Armitrage, had been watching it on Netflix. My nephew doesn't watch US shows really, he's more into anime youtube videos about minecraft/roblox. He actually wasn't aware of Big Bang Theory until I told him and now he plans to watch it after YS . So seems like YS is really catching on.

Racoon

Today felt like quite lazy. Just one of those days. I was still able to do things but not to the best of my potential but it's okay. Not a total loss!

Frog

 I struggled yet again but ultimately made it through. It's kinda crazy really but I'm totally learning as I go along. I hope I'll be able to do better the next few days and not mess up anymore. 

Vibes

 Once again I feel tired that I'm finding ways to boost energy. I just want to avoid unnecessary stress but why do the surroundings keep on poking things. I'm exhausted with it all. I don't want to be ungrateful but I just feel annoyed that I can't get some peace of mind. Yes, it could be worst I know but sometimes even little things can get you if you are tired. 

7

It's nearing the anniversary - weird to call it that - of the big mistake.  In a way, I need to experience that because if I didn't I would probably still on the tunnel and probably could have done worse. But it still sucks remembering that one. And also sad because the root cause of that mistake was something - I couldn't find the right words really.  I really hope to not commit that mistake again.

Receiving End

 I'm tired of being the absorber of every bad feeling of others. I'm not the one to blame others; I try not to panic anymore and to be as patient as possible. But man, it is hard. It never ends. That's why I am what I am now. Not confrontational. Avoiding drama. Avoiding stress. I have enough that will last me a lifetime. 

Sink

Uncomfortable moment again. But I'm just thinking now it could have been worst, so this is just a little better I guess. It happened a lot of times but it always make me feel so uneasy each time. 

Jumps

I haven't seen a movie in a theater in such a long time. It's a mixed of not having the time and also saving up money. But I do hope to catch one movie anytime soon. Just to unwind and get immersed again. I probably need that to recharge! It's pretty clear that my attempt to do productive stuff 90% of the time is not really ideal as I do still get overwhelmed and I act out by procrastinating so you know I just get myself into more mess. I need to find the balance. 

Bazinga

 Watch the last 2 episodes of Young Sheldon, the penultimate was really good and touching. The finale though was nice but felt a little short and had the feels of a season rather than a series finale. Nevertheless, I enjoyed watching for the past 7 years. I'm gonna miss it!

Living

 After two days of being very focused and busy, I let myself be distracted but I snapped my head back at the last minute and did what I should have done today! I still have some things left to arrange and hopefully, I can make it all work. The past 3 months really were such a challenge to me. I struggled, I managed to do things right, I repeated mistakes. I pull myself back again. It's been such a crazy ride and I'm hanging on. 

Snuck

 Tomorrow is another day where I also felt too complacent but I should not be. I need to be prepared for anything, especially the ones that scare me so much. It's been this way for the last few years but the fear never changes. I sometimes tend to forget about it and I freaked out everytime I realized that I did. I'm scared of being too comfy because something unexpected may happen. It's difficult living this way but I live one day at a time. 

Escargot

Another struggle today to finish something but I felt something off today so I'm going to try again tomorrow. This always happens when I did something more consistent then the next is a struggle to start. Hopefull, tomorrow will be alright. 

75 minutes

I was able to finish something today that was not easy but I have another urgent thing which I just found today that it was urgent! I should have made some advances over the weekend but oh well I always find myself in this kind of situation but well this is a good kind of problem to deal with. But I do really want to be less chaotic though and I hope to get that soon. 

Mother's Day

 I am just so grateful to the Lord that Nanay is still with us. Everyday I always pray for her good health. My life totally changed but just seeing Nanay happy with some of the small stuff I give her or gestures, makes me happy. More Mother's Day with her please Lord.

Second

 Sometimes life will remind what you lack. Just when you think you are okay with where you are, there's always that will remind you it isn't enough and you could have been more. 

Window

 I got complacent and lazy again so I wasn't able to fully finish something I needed to do. It's not that bad but my OC tendency sometimes will make me go paranoid now! But oh well it's gonna be OK! I hope!

Dental

 I haven't been to a dentist in a decade. Shameful I know. Why I haven't visited? FEAR. Fear of pain, fear of getting shamed because of my poor teeth and most especially fear of cost But I do need to go to one now, not because I have toothache but I've noted how poor my gums are. I hope I can find a good one that alleviate my fears.

Close But Not

 I almost reached a goal today but I had to set it aside earlier for something that I needed to accomplish because I've been slacking that one off too. Anyway, tomorrow it will be done. But I really keep missing some of the markers I set on my mind., But it will get better soon, I'm getting my groove back. 

Miss

It's been over a year since PEx died. I do wonder if message boards in general will still live through in the years to come. I post in some international forums but I do notice a dip in activity and the general populace is more millenial-heavy! Do young people (GEN Z) like forums though? Most are on Reddit, twitter group DMs or discord these days. But I do like forums better and the love for anonymity in an era where everything is out in the open online,.

Battery

 I'm tired. I just am. But I can't give up no matter what. Inner turmoil. Fighting myself not to snap because this is what I do, defusing situations, or trying not to make things escalate because I just want to live a life with as little stress as possible but my goodness sometimes people around me are not thinking straight. So many annoying things they do but I can't tell that. Just had to be patient but I'm so tired of being the contain everything. I'm just tired and tired and tired. 

Weaving

 I'm so happy to finish way ahead than usual! Let's keep this momentum and I'm on my way to being back on track! It was a big struggle the last 2 months and it really was my fault because I allowed myself to get distracted. It feels so better to be in a chaotic mood again! 

Oath

 Proud of myself today! I met my goal for today although I was a bit stressed in the morning but at least things got smoother toward the day. So another goal for tomorrow and hopefully I will make it again and get back on track! I still to work some stuff out before things will be smoother. Focus,focus, focus!

Just a few more

 I tried and I failed but I'm close to finishing anyway. I want to really finish it tonight but I'm sleepy. So holding this for tomorrow. I hope I can fight the temptation to get myself distraction with such nonsense again. Crossing my fingers. 

PJ

 Lost a good friend today, my former officemate PJ. He left the company many years ago but we still kept in touch online. I knew he had some rough times the past few years but our chats were always light and fun. I'm gutted I will no longer be able to talk to him anymore. He was such a smart and funny guy. May you rest in peace my good friend. I'm gonna miss you so much. 

Scaring Myself

 I am afraid of being dismissive so when I think of being complacent I panic again. So now I'm scared again but I really hope all this fear will not come to fruition. Oh Dear Lord, please guide me and soothe this fear I have.