Saturday, May 21, 2022

Ages

 May is about to end and I feel like this year have been so long already. So much has happened personally and well that thing. As much as I don't want to think about my worries, it still manages to creep in. It's normal I know but it's just unpleasant and tired of feeling that way., Anyway, back to working and escape from my fears!

Friday, May 20, 2022

One Second!



Of course I'm gonna flex my first credit on a Netflix project! This is for the Filipino-dubbed version of  the movie We Can Be Heroes! My participation here is actually dubbing script editor and quality control but for this project I am classified credited as adapter! Anyway, I know it's just like one second and no on me really bothers to read the credits except when your name is there which is my case! We have more projects to come for Netflix and definitely will flaunt the credits for the project I was actually the dubbing script writer (Translator)

 

Thursday, May 19, 2022

Placeholder

 I just finished doing a dubbing script of an episode that's not yet available on its streaming platform. The video provided was still quite raw and I could see the production people serving as stand-ins for visual effects that will be put on later. It was just weird to see when they popped up . There were some visual cues that explain the visual effect that will be placed there too. It was quite fascinating to see!

Wednesday, May 18, 2022

Preview

 The level of work I have ahead of me is quite overwhelming! I will need to watch 20 episodes of two shows that we are currently dubbing for quality check plus a movie too so I need to budget my time well especially of course I'm writing dubbing scripts too. But  honestly I'm really loving this one because hey more projects is just good and you have no idea how being this busy helped me not dwell too much with fears because I have things to finish first! 

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Roadblock

 I'm so close to finishing this dubbing script for a tagalized kdrama and my goodness there are two lines that's really had to synch! Just a few more and lines and this one is done but I had a tough time so taking a short break to write it here so I can take it easy for a little. The scenes were also heavy so it was quite. Anyway, back to finish this script!

Monday, May 16, 2022

Swamped

 I really went to work earlier than usual to finish a task that requires a lot of time and I believe accomplished it well but my to-do list this week is longer than usual too,. I have one big thing that I need to accomplish by tomorrow and I really hope I can finish it on time and perhaps earlier than planned too!

Sunday, May 15, 2022

Up Next

I was quite busy finishing checking two scripts for tagalized korean drama that will air on a local network soon. The raw script is just a subtitle list so there are no character names so I have to make sure everything is correct. I will write an episode of this show to so it was good that checking on those scripts will help me get familiarized with the stiory and characters so I won't have a hard time writing it. It is quite challenging at first but I can manage and of course my primary motivation is the extra income I will get writing it. It is the exciting part!

Saturday, May 14, 2022

Less

 Not productive today, I was planning to do some work at home but decided not to. Burn out I guess, I need some break after a hectic work week plus  battling personal anxiety related to national events. I really hope I can shut things off in my mind and not worry anymore because I can't do anything about it anyway.. 

Friday, May 13, 2022

Big Miss

 I made some errors at a particular task at work which was a real bummer. I admitted my mistake, learned from it and move on. There was a moment where I really felt bad that I wanted to have a mini meltdown or I dunno blame other peoiple but good thing I managed to control myself and be rational. The reason for that mistake because I was trying to do many things at once. I need to improve my focus from hereon. No distractions

Thursday, May 12, 2022

Defeat

 I'm now conditioning myself to be more silent than ever. Not like I was vocal anyway whether in person or online to begin with. I just decided this is my way to cope with the upcoming changes which not to dwell on it anymore. There's nothing much I can do anyway, it is what it is.

Wednesday, May 11, 2022

Withered

Heavy workload today which is a good thing so I can't take my mind off the thing that frustrates me. Something I have no control over anymore but deeply bothers me. I thought by disengaging weeks ago would help soften the blow when the inevitable happens but I was fooling myself. I just have to my best from now on to compartmentalize and take this particular anxiety away for now so I could focus on things I can do and I need to do. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2022

Endure

 Most stressful elections I've experienced. It was so disorganized, the worst since I started voting in 2007. I almost gave up but despite all the stress and hassle I endured just to get my vote counted no matter what. My spirit is low to be honest I dunno what to say anymore even though it was largely expected it still stinks

Monday, May 09, 2022

Dread

 Here is the day. I've resigned myself that all is lost. But the ugliness I'm seeing is suffocating that I can't help but feel so frustrated of what is to come. I can't believe a lot of people are not seeing this or turning a blind eye. Or worst simply not bothered.  Can a miracle happen please?

Sunday, May 08, 2022

Misery

 That's why I want to avoid certain areas because I am being given false hopes. If only I could block everything but it isn't possible and live in isolation of everything that gives me nothing but a sinking feeling of defeat. There are moments I feel hopeful but when you are on the ground and you witness firsthand how the others view everything, how nothing that are obviously true have affected their mindset you can't help but feel the dread of the impending doom upon us. I will still do it but can't help but feel that is just a symbolic gesture of clinging on to something hopeful but less likely to happen. I feel so angry with how they have managed to control everything and change the discourse. I'm now preparing myself of what life will be after all of this. I will be silent again, avoiding things, suppressing what I feel. I can't do anything but just feel devastated as everything crumbles.  

Saturday, May 07, 2022

Hopeless

 So I witnessed something alarming and upsetting. It is scaring me a  lot but also really very angry that this has now escalated to this level. Why did we let this happen? It has spread to something that I'm very afraid can no longer be prevented from happening. Divine intervention maybe is the last hope.

Friday, May 06, 2022

Inches

 It's getting closer and I wish I have the optimism other people have. I just think it is too obvious now. I wish it wasn't the case but I'm afraid not. This weekend I will devote myself to writing a dubbing script and checking as well. Script writing for dubbing is my escape these days. It excite whenever I finish a project but you see when I think of my tasks due for next week I can't help but think on what will my mood will be by that time. Will I feel so devastated or I will just suppress what I feel and act as if there's nothing to worry about like I usually do. I'm so confused and scared right now. Oh God please hear my prayer.

Thursday, May 05, 2022

Tremble

 To be honest, I'm very scared on Monday. I'm trying to be both hopeful and also manage expectations. I'm focusing on work these days to take my mind off my fears. I don't want to get drowned in an echo chamber completely clueless what's happening on the ground.. I'm so frustrated how obvious red flags are ignored conveniently. Hoping and praying for a miracle.

Wednesday, May 04, 2022

More and more!

 So I met my goal again and finished my movie dubbing script today earlier than the deadline. It's a teen romcom which honestly was really enjoyable to do! Can't wait for it to get dubbed and be available on its streaming platform! I also helped out finishing a script of a teen comedy because the writer can't finished in and the dubbing is already schedule pretty soon. I have to do around around 13 minutes left and glad I was able to finish it! It was also fun to write but adapting the some of the jokes were hard, like there was a jole about Daniel Day Lewis' method acting which I totally get but hard to translate that would still capture the humor! I did my best and hopefuly the dubber delivery would make it work!

Tuesday, May 03, 2022

Adjusting

 First time working on a holiday ib 2 years and the relaxed feeling is the same as ever. I've been productive as well, surpassing the goal I set for today as well. I'm getting used to this new office now. The aircon is great which is what I want the most really. The building is huge and I dunno what other offices they have here, on our floor it feels empty. I haven't seen anyone come out from the other units! The elevator though is quite busy so you have to wait at times! As for our office, it still needs some cleaning up to do, hopefully, next week it will be set already because I'm feeling OC with some of the stuff lying around and not yet taken care of!

Monday, May 02, 2022

20th Floor

 So first day at the new office was literally messy but over the course of the day, things got fixed up and we did manage to do some work. Tomorrow is apparently a holiday but for the first time in the pandemic era, I will go work on a holiday because I have a lot of things to do especially the adjustments to the new office will somehow affect my productivity. My work space is smaller now compared to before because the office itself is smaller too but still good enough for the size of the employees now which has gotten smaller due to the retrenchments, resignation and one department now full time work from home. It's a strange feeling to be in a new space but hey I could just see it as something of a new era.

Sunday, May 01, 2022

Move

 Tomorrow is our first day at the new office. I'm expecting a mess actually , literally speaking because of all things that needed to be set up as we transferred our things from the former office to the new one. I actually brought some things at home like my office headphone and water bottle so it won't get lost in the move. All I know our new office is smaller than our former but hopefully there's still enough space for us to move around and we can adjust quickly  because there are a lot of things to do!

Saturday, April 30, 2022

Uncertain

 I wish I have the confidence or at least the faith of other people that things can turn around, that what is projected will not happen and that everything is just a lie. I try to disengage myself because I don't want to raise my hopes so much because I feel like it's a losing battle but I don't want to be a downer to those who are keeping the faith alive that there is a chance so I just step away. I want to be hopeful but I want to be realistic as well. Oh life's complications.

Friday, April 29, 2022

Don Chua

 So after two weeks of extended stay, today was really it for our stay here at Don Chua Lamko Building. So what's my favorite memory here? Definitely the one time I was trapped sa elevator. Naka-angat lang barely yung elevator bago na-stuck so hindi naman talaga dangerous and I was quickly assisted by the building's maintenance. Second favorite memory eh yung unaware ako na-lock pala ako sa office, I came in very early and hindi napansin nung may outside shoot that day na nandun na ako sa desk ko sa sulok kaya they locked it up when they left. Hindi rin ako aware kasi I was busy and nagulat na lang yung admin when she opened the office at nandun na ako! I will definitely miss this place and sana yung next office namin ganun din kalamig ang aircon!

I forgot to take a photo and mag-moment kasi nagmamadali ako umuwi! So thanks tp my co-worker James  for this parting shot! 





Thursday, April 28, 2022

45!

My parents' 45th wedding anniversary today! As always dear Lord my prayers is to keep them safe and healthy.. I admit sometimes I still feel overwhelmed that basically I'm the looking over my parents' welfare these days due to their age. Tables have been turned as they say. While I admit it's quite stressful but no regrets because I love them so much. All the frustrations I feel are fleeting, but the love is always there stronger than ever. My Dear Lord please hear my plea, keep my parents safe and healthy for years to come.

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Airing!

I just found out that the very first animated program I ever wrote a dubbing script for is already airing! It started last week - it's Cartoon Network's Uncle Grandpa! It is airing at 930AM on TV5! I wish I will be able to watch an episode I translated, I've already seen the dubbed version of course but I just want to see it it on actual TV just because I'm proud of my work;.Likewise, the kdrama I wrote two dubbing scripts for is Never Twice on  NET25 airing at 830PM. They air it in half hour installments but the actual episodes are over 50 minutes. The episodes I wrote for are toward the end of the show's run so good luck if I'll get the chance to see it on actual TV because I'm quite busy at night these days doing scripts but we'll see! Doing dubbing scripts again really made this year happy despite all the anxieties I'm dealing with. When I translate/adapt the script it makes me feel creative again and so also immersed to another world. Of course getting paid for it, without the worry of it being not allowed at work anymore, is a really great feeling too. Truth be told, I could have done this years ago but it was not allowed same with writing for other dubbing studios too for obvious reasons. I could have done it in secret like some I knew before but I'm simply not comfortable especially since money is involved. Yeah, call me goody two shoes but this is what I am. I won't lie though because I did think about it and also felt envious with other people already doing it and earning along the way.  In fact, I was so tempted last year to seek outsourced dubbing script opportunities outside due to financial needs but glad I didn't because it's just something that will torture me  with guilt and worry of getting reprimanded. 

But thinking of missed opportunities did push me to finally to do something iand  I formally asked if I could write it for the company's projects so I can earn extra. I was really happy when I was finally allowed to do so. While this has taken my world right now but this has been the morale boost I needed so badly. 

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

Mini Melt

 I had some rough moments earlier where my fears attack me again and I felt so anxious on my way home from work and then I got stressed over things that I normally do but found to be such a hassle. To put the icing, I made a blunder as well just because I didn't question things and I was afraid of speaking up. To makes matter worst, I'm feeling some muscle pain to on my shoulder. Is this because of too much typing? Not my day. Hopefully tomorrow is better.

Monday, April 25, 2022

Health Check

 A co-worker's wife recently had an operation that was the same one my mother had last year. She's fine now like Nanay is currently right now. But you know what I admit I still feel very afraid of what lies ahead. Sometimes because I'm quite busy these days this worry takes the backseat but sometimes I feel like life will find a way to remind me of this fear like when I heard about my co-worker's wife's case I felt anxious again. Oh Dear Lord please hear my prayers for good health for my nanay, tatay and the rest of my family healthy and that includes me because I worry too about myself as well.

Sunday, April 24, 2022

Shorts

 Just finished writing the dubbing script of  an animated TV show! Tomorrow  (or perhaps later this morning) I will write the final episode of the first season. I hope the  network that will air it here will acquire the other seasons and commission us again to dub because I really enjoyed writing the scripts for this one. It's a comedy which was a treat to write especially since it's short too! I hope they will air it on local TV soon enough so I can watch and wait for the episodes I wrote! 

Saturday, April 23, 2022

Hole

 I had a good catch up chat with a friend online. It started because I greeted her Happy Birthday and congratulated her at her new house and then we had long chat about life in general. It was so good to talk this friend even if it is just through a messaging app. But then we talked about topics that made me question about my life choices again. I mean I'm writing this at past 12AM when I'm usually asleep, so yeah it really went this hard.  Anyway, I will just focus on things I can do at the moment and try not to be bothered anymore of what I missed out. 

Friday, April 22, 2022

Pour

 More additional dubbing projects coming at the office. Literally jampacked now! This is great news of course but I wish this happened last year so we didn't have to retrench people because we now seriously need more manpower especially techs! But oh well timing could be such a bewildering thing at times!

Thursday, April 21, 2022

No Last Minute

 I met my goal of finishing one dubbing script that was originally due on Sunday. That one crossed off my checklist. I still have some things pending, especially that movie script I have to work on but glad my aim was met today.  I really want things done earlier than it needs to be. I don't want to cram. I don't want to feel pressured. I don't want to sleep late just to finish something. It's working so far and I will continue to do my best to make things work. 

Wednesday, April 20, 2022

Full Plate

 So I decided to help out a in-house writer who is struggling with deadline by writing one of his movie dubbing scripts due for next week although I was able to talk to the dubbing coordinator and adjust the deadline for a few more days because I need allowance since writing a movie dubbing script takes a lot of time and effort. Also, I have a few more scripts to finish as well this weekend so yeah it's gonna be a busy time ahead again! But this is giving me quite a boost really despite how hectic it is and helps me stay focused. I have goals to accomplish so bring it on

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

Get Busy

 The office had internet troubles for the past 2 days which I guess is a sign they want us to move already! haha! But last I heard the new offices are still far from ready. The dubbing studios are just not easy to do and can't be rushed off or else production will suffer! Anyway, that internet issues was quite a hassle for working but despite that I was still able to accomplish things off my checklist. Hoping to start a telenovela dubbing script tomorrow as well so I can subkit earlier than deadline which is Sunday. Things are getting busy again but I love it. Really hoping and pray things will run well and that I won't have to deal with big personal problems soon as well. Still very worried with a lot of things personal and national so pouring my energy to work gives me a relief. 

Monday, April 18, 2022

Cool

 So one friend I recruited to write dubbing scripts failed to submit half of what is needed which was due today. I got annoyed at first because it was late notice so I had to finish one and asked another friend to helped finish what is left pending. But good thing I maintained my cool and didn't berate her when we were messaging each other. She was apologetic and I was calm and understanding because she's still new to this and has other life priorities. Life is stressful enough these days so I don't need to be a burden not just for her but for myself as well. I don't want to have conflicts with her because she's a good friend and I didn't let pressure to take over and break something.

Sunday, April 17, 2022

Three Weeks Left

Dreading the results. I could feel they are winning. They will get the power. The fact many people are not bothered of the past is alarming. Just trying now to accept what would most likely happen. Maybe start time to disengage now. Will still make choice, it is my right and although this could now be just a symbol of resistance. I am so afraid. 

Saturday, April 16, 2022

Keys

 Basically binged a series the past 2 days because it's a dubbing project in the company and aside from writing one episode of it, I'm also tasked to check the submitted dubbing scripts for continuity and  such. I honestly like this project and it helps the show is so entertaining but I really need to be attentive to details and such! I really hope this project will be executed well and I'm really excited once we're done with this and it's out in the world!

Friday, April 15, 2022

Marites

 A former co-worker messaged me out of the blue to ask where we will be moving offices, that's normal  since I posted it on social media but the next message was funny because she was congratulating me because I got a promotion which I clarified that I didn't but just had additional work an then she replied in a matter-of-factly way that she heard that I will be replacing my manager who will be replacing an admin who is migrating abroad. I said that's not true and asked her where she got that gossip from and she said it was confidential hahaha. Anyway, I did say that the promotion thing is fake news and I have no interest whatsoever with that stressful job and I'm fine where I am and happy doing dubbing scripts again. I admit I don't know if the migration thing is true but none of my business. I don't know it's been so long she was part of the company but it's funny she's still updated or at least she thinks she is! 

Thursday, April 14, 2022

Lookout

As much as I wanted this day to be stress-free and it wasn't to be. Some people's choices makes you worry a lot. Some people's action is providing so much inconvenience. Some you just can't understand where it goes. It's troubling that is why I don't let myself be engage with something without being cautious that something could go wrong. There simply can't be true happiness. Just trying to maintain daily sense of peace is hard enough.

Wednesday, April 13, 2022

Electrifying

While the news of electricity rates going up was already known we still couldn't help but be shocked and annoyed upon seeing our bill! And a lot of people do too. It caused some minor stress but hey earlier when our salary was released, I immediately paid for it along with the water bill. Thank goodness I've been earning some extra lately so I was able to do so and not wait for my siblings to give their share which they did earlier upon arriving at home but I really wanted it to be paid immediately especially with Maundy Thursday-Good Friday coming up. Anyway, hoping for a soothing and meaningful Lent ahead and even for a short while, leave my worries away.

Tuesday, April 12, 2022

Pause

 So I began fixing my stuff at the office in preparation of the office transfer. I threw some of it and a lot like books, notebooks, mementos I took home. But surprised! Our transfer to the new office has been postponed as it is not ready yet so we will stay at the old office I think at least until the end of the month but anyway at least I already cleaned my stuff up and ready to move whenever it is!

Monday, April 11, 2022

Prep

 So final 3 days at our present office building. Since it's Holy Week as well, I need some balancing to do on finishing work task and preparing for the office move. I did accomplished some work today and I plan to start gathering my things tomorrow, labeling my PC, hard drives, cords and other things. I've been hearing some of my coworkers who already saw our new office that it really is smaller than we get used to. I'm a bit worried about it but then again this move was needed to save money on office lease, essential for the company's survival. I really hope the new setup won't be such a hassle in performing work duties

Sunday, April 10, 2022

Screen Down

 My old laptop won't open. I haven't been using it in awhile since I've been using my new secondhand laptop but I do check occasionally to see if it still works but today it finally died. It was very useful and had a good shelf life (7 years) because it was secondhand too! I hope this one I'm currently using will last long too though I'm saving up to buy an actual new laptop especially I'm back writing dubbing scripts again and more writing projects ahead too. This laptop I'm using is efficient but still has limits. Hopefully, I can save enough soon to buy  a new one. 

Saturday, April 09, 2022

Detach

 I'm worried about the elections happening next month. Tensions are high and shady things are happening.. To be honest, I'm detaching myself from it to avoid a bigger heartbreak once the results come in and my hope won't come true. Still hoping my worst fears won't happen though but also preparing for the worst as early as now. 

Friday, April 08, 2022

Delivered

 Four days before the deadline, I submitted my dubbing script for a yet-to-be-released streaming movie! I really worked hard for it the past 2 days and I must say it was a good movie and really had some major dramatic moments that I really needed to exert a lot of effort and well to be dramatic soul adapting the script to Filipino. I'm not sure when this movie will be out on the streaming platform since the project is due for submission next month so it may take awhile for it to be released. I do think they will wait for all localization around the world of the said movie to be ready before they release it on the streaming platform but I'm excited! I hope I did justice translating it.

Thursday, April 07, 2022

Approximate

I'm close to finishing the movie dubbing script! A little over 10 minutes to go left! I could have finished it tonight but rest is important so I will be in the right set of mind to finish it tomorrow. It's due Tuesday so I will have the time to polish it too. I  really wanted to avoid cramming especially for this project!

Wednesday, April 06, 2022

Boosted

 Received the fee for the two dubbing scripts I did and I immediately deposited it to my savings account! It really feels good to see the fruit of my hardwork for those scripts and I'm more driven to do more and save more money. Projects are flowing in the company with two new animated programs for Filipino dubbing on the pipeline! Thank you Lord for these blessings!

Tuesday, April 05, 2022

Halfway

I'm fifty percent done writing the dubbing script of this streaming movie! This is due next Tuesday and I hope to finish by Friday so I can have the time to polish it because I really want this to be as good as possible. The scene I handled today was tough to watch because it was a sexual assault scene. It's not graphic but still unnerving to see because I can't help but imagine this happening in real life. Technically it's not hard to write dubbing lines for the scene but still I was conscious and sensitive with the words I used. That's why I'm really giving it my top priority. 

Monday, April 04, 2022

More & More

 Another set of new projects coming in from this streaming platform client! Quite overwhelming but of course a good problem to have. One assigned to me is  a Japanese show which is a first to me! Today I was busy doing a quality check of the dubbing of this tagalized movie for this client. Spent a lot of hours of it that I wasn;'t able to continue writing the dubbing script of the movie I was working all weekend! The balancing act will be tough indeed but I will manage.

Sunday, April 03, 2022

Managing Expectations

 Elections are coming soon and while it is everywhere, I'm trying to avoid thinking about it because I'm scared of the results. While the one I want to win is gaining momentum, I still feel that person I don't like is winning. I just feel more regular people are falling for the propaganda and willing to disregard the red flags. I don't know what to feel anymore. 

Saturday, April 02, 2022

Lucky Start

 So I began writing the dubbing script for this streaming movie that's not yet out. It's the longest writing project so far with over 100 minutes. All my past dubbing scripts were mostly for TV shows with episodes in the 40 to 50 minute range. I did have writing experience with movies but it was a shared task with former writers at the office too. Anyway, this is due for April 12 but I really want to finish this as early possible! I had trouble getting my writing off the ground because I had difficult adapting the first scene to a more natural sounding localized language but I got my groove later on. I finished a little over 10 minutes. Yeah so far from finishing but at least my creative juices is flowing and hopefully my goal to finish days before deadline will happen.. I don't want to cram this!

Friday, April 01, 2022

Trial

 Things are getting hectic again but this is a good problem to have. I've invited some college friends to try writing dubbing scripts , I was able to ask two friends to try out writing dubbing scripts for this cartoon project because it is shorter so good start to try writing. I am gonna guide them too so hopefully it all works ouy

Thursday, March 31, 2022

L&KS1E3

 Finished writing the dubbing script of an episode of this streaming TV show. It is English to Filipino translation so in a way it's easier but still had some moments where I forgot the translation of some words. Also, in some parts I have to make a decision whether to keep English word as it is since we are a Taglish nation after all. But I needed to find the right balance where it doesn't sound awkward but also not to maintain a lot of English words because what's the point of localizing right? It was a challenge that  was fun to do. Looking forward to do more!

Wednesday, March 30, 2022

Zoom!

 So for the first time I used Zoom to virtually attend a client's workshop for its contractors in dubbing which includes our company! But just audio for me because I just have to listened. Anyway, that workshop was organized by the international team of our client and at first it started a little boring with those template and such but it got interesting when the question and answer portion started, while our team didn't ask questions because we are just new subcontractors and we are there mainly to observe and take notes, the questions from the other participants were so meaty that no further questions were needed! Anyway, this client is such a big one and I really hope they will really like our output. I was actually quite busy working on a dubbing script for one of the project of this client and I'm working hard for it to be good although there's still a lot of learn.

Tuesday, March 29, 2022

Work It

There's a lot of thing to do at work but honestly I'm really loving it and I really hope it's a sign of a great year ahead. It gives me a good escape from my mind endlessly worrying about something that has not happened yet. Anyway, I've been working on a lot of things and really excited when one of it is finally and get released. I hope everything runs as smoothly as possible. We are moving offices soon and it's gonna be literally a mess but I hope we settle at the new site quickly

Monday, March 28, 2022

On Edge

My worst fear didn't happen.. for now. But it's dangerously close which will keep me worrying for the next few months or so. But still thank you Lord for today of course but I really hope and pray it will continue to out of danger zone. I will be consistently scared though and I need to prepare myself to toughen it up, 

Sunday, March 27, 2022

Nuts

 If only things worked out I would have known by now what I should do next. Tomorrow it is and thinking what could happen is driving me insane. Of course I think of the negative scenario first then trying to keep some hope alive then I go back to thinking bad. My gut just says what I think is happening. Clues are there but still hoping I'm wrong. Oh Dear Lord please let not my fear come true. 

Saturday, March 26, 2022

2PM

 So what I was expecting/dreading has been extended for another day. Prolonging the agony.  Honestly, I have a bad feeling about this but hopefully this is just me being so paranoid. Worried. Scared. Anxious. I hope I can function well today. 

Friday, March 25, 2022

Upon

 Glad I was able to finish a work task today instead of finishing it up over the weekend. Not that I'm not gonna do any work related  this weekend, I still plan to do some advanced work for a script for a major client. It's quite a big challenge but willing to take it on.

I also want this weekend free just in case something happens. It's a pivotal weekend personally. Trying to stay hopeful but very scared of a  possibility that has been bugging me for months. I will face whatever the outcome is but please God let not my fear happen.

Thursday, March 24, 2022

Revisit

 So I answered this survey posted by my college professor on our alumni FB group and it's about the department's plan to have Master's Degree next academic year. I answered that I'm interested to enroll if ever it happens! But I did pick the option of after 2 years because I don't have the money to send my self to graduate school anytime school. I'm not sure if I have the time to do between my work and family errands that I balance. But not gonna lie I'm so interested with earning a Master's Degree and I would love to do it in DLSU-D. I've been toying it for so long but I just didn't have the money to do it plus I'm not confident if I still have what it takes to be good in academics especially since Master's degree isn't easy to do now that I'm working as well.  Tomorrow will be the 14th year since I graduated from college. It's been that long since I was away from school. One can argue my entire work life has been one continuous learning experience but school is still different. I was a good student but now that I'm in my mid 30s can I still be that person?

Wednesday, March 23, 2022

Twice

Two local dubbing projects we did this year have started airing on network TV. One of the project I was the one in charge of quality check so I've seen all episodes of it. I also wrote the dubbing scripts for 2 episodes but towards the end so hopefully I will be able to see my work when it airs on TV. The show is over 50 minutes but the local network airing it is airing in half hour installments so my episodes won't be shown I guess in 2 months, hopefully I'll remember to tune in!

One current project I'm so excited about is the one that involves a streaming platform! I have 3 writing tasks on cure for that projects on top of some quality check work too. I'm excited about this project because they will credit the dubbing scriptwriter as translator/adapter and yes I'm hungry for a credit like that I can show and be proud of! A little shallow I know but the prospect of it makes me happy. I need to hold on to these sources of excitement and happiness because life is tough and I'm afraid on a lot of things lately. Having something to look forward to keeps me sane. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2022

Jampacked

 I did a lot today and still have many things on my to-do list but so far I'm doing okay and hopefully, it stays that way, I really need to write things down, as in literal doing it by hand so I can be more organized because I feel like writing it down I absorb it more regardless of my penmanship. That's how I was in college, I take down notes in classes, sometimes on the book itself and it helps me absorb information more. So grateful for being busy right now. May the blessings continue to come especially the one I've been praying the hardest. 

Monday, March 21, 2022

Preempt

 There are reasons for me to get excited about but I'm trying to manage my expectations because I don't know I feel like there something that's gonna happen that could spoil it. I can't be happy because there must be a catch. I know this is ridiculous to think this way but I just can't help it. My fear always lurks in because I feel like if I let my guard down, something could sneak in that would just put me low spirits,. If I prepare for the worst case scenarios now maybe it would soften the blow? No, if my fears happen I would be devastated so I think I'm preventing myself to feel happiness to prepare myself? Oh goodness I'm such a mess inside. 

Sunday, March 20, 2022

Vencer

I overcame this challenge with a limited time! Glad I pulled it but I hope it won't happen again but glad I finished at a good time and I didn't have to stay late. So much challenges ahead but I'm facing it head on. There's something that worries me next week and I really hope my worst fears won't matter. Oh Dear Lord, please don't let it happen and hear my plea.

Saturday, March 19, 2022

ADR

I I'm really happy writing dubbing scripts has occupied my time a lot these days because I don't want to dwell on things making me anxious and when I write scripts I go to a different world too. The past month I wrote dubbings for tagalized korean drama and a cartoon and then English dubbing scripts for a Mexican show and I have one script to write for a Pinoy soap for english dubbing. I'm also set to write an episode of  a TV show that will tagalized by a popular streaming platform. Also not gonna lie, the additional income I will get is a factor of this happiness I feel and motivates me so much to do better. I wish it happened sooner but better late than never!

Friday, March 18, 2022

Below Average

My nephew got his first-ever line of 7 grade in one subject (Filipino). I told my sister not to castigate him and she does understand that my nephew is not motivated with online school anymore. Although I did say I will check his activities for that subject for the rest of the school year. Personally, I think it is just fine as my nephew is still generally smart but just not the studious type (like she is and I am!) but his insights for his age is actually good and sometimes even mature! But education in the pandemic era is a struggle for a lot of people in the world. I really hope face-to-face classes will resume soon at his school. He missed a lot of things the past 2 years, not just on an academic level but socially as well.

Thursday, March 17, 2022

Ricky

                      My first digital premiere of an ABS-CBN Film Restoration team movie this year!

   

I attended a dozen last year, first two were my own purchases then the succeeding ones I got invited by Sir Leo Katigbak which is such a pleasure. The most enjoyable aspect of these online events are the pre-show talks with the cast and crew of each film, love hearing their stories. And for Ipaglaban Mo: The Movie, THE Ricky Lee was the one who did the talk and just wow he is so insightful! The way he tells his stories from the past are so engrossing to listen to! He uses simple and easy to understand words but hits the mark. He sho

Wednesday, March 16, 2022

Gap

So some officemates went to the office today to pick up the things that they left at the office. Their department is now permanently a work-from-home setup and with the office moving to a new building soon, they have to get their stuff back or else it will be disposed of. Some of them I haven't seen in 2 years! It's exactly two years ago since the last pre-lockdown setup. I can't believe it has been this long

Tuesday, March 15, 2022

Good Problem

Additional projects came in at work! It's so gonna be hectic as my manager said this is a good blessing! It truly is but definitely a big challenge! We have new employees now who will help us but since they are all new and young, assistance is still very much needed. I just finished doing one of my many tasks. I asked help for my channel duties which gladly I have someone I can trust on to do some of my video-related tasks so all is good. Just hectic days ahead! But this is a good problem to have and quite frankly this is making me so hopeful despite the personal demons I'm battling. 

Monday, March 14, 2022

Discomfort

This day is full of people / events giving me so much discomfort. Additional stress like I needed more in my life. It's cyclical and very tired of it but I'm staying silent because I don't want to deal anymore. 

Sunday, March 13, 2022

Pause

 I gave myself a break today rom working so hard the past week. I need to reset for a big work battle ahead next week! There's still some minor family issue too that's bugging me but I shouldn't let  it affect that much. But I always stay cautious, I don't want to be too complacent really. 

Saturday, March 12, 2022

Knocked Out

 I didn't feel any single side effect for my first and second dose of vaccine (Sinovac) but my booster shot Pfizer had an effect! My arm was sore for a few hours and later today I was so sleepy that that the more I fight it off the sleepier I get so I gave in and slept in the afternoon for 4 hours! I was snoring hard my mother said haha! I was supposed to do some scripting today but I was just too sleepy to do it and tonight TV stuff distracted so yeah just gonna do it tomorrow. 

Friday, March 11, 2022

Boosting Red

Finally had my Pfizer booster today! I waited for awhile because the vaccination sites here were crowded when omnicron hit but now the cases went down and restrictions were eased I finally decided to get my booster shot and very few people in the vaccination sites now.

After watching it then watched the new Disney-Pixar Turning Red in the cinema and it's quite a fun movie and such a creative way to tell a parent-young teen kid conflict. It is set in 2002 when I was a teen so I love the setting as well!


Thursday, March 10, 2022

Second




We will move to a new office space in April and they have started dismantling some of the stuff at the office to be moved to our new one. I will miss this place, a second home for nearly 13 years.

 

Wednesday, March 09, 2022

Space for Boost

 Very glad today that I was able to finish a writing task while also finishing all pending video-related tasks on the channel. I still have the schedules to finish up which I will do tomorrow then I have two writing tasks on queue. And I have quality check/previewing tasks too, whew! But I really like being this busy and productive. So far I am able to balance things off. One matter I need to finish though is getting the booster COVID19 vaccine shot which I intended to do last week but time was my enemy so there's that. I hope I can get the booster shot this Friday

Tuesday, March 08, 2022

Meet

 For the first time since the pandemic I attended a meeting at the office. I didn't have to attend meetings before even online (I don't have zoom and have never used one) important stuff were just sent on messenger or text! Anyway, the meeting is because there is a big project on going and more people are needed to help. It is both a blessing and cause of stress mainly because we lack manpower

Monday, March 07, 2022

Almost Full

I have a lot of things to do with multiple projects at work right now. Some of this I'm quite excited for although it will really be such a challenging time for me to balance everything out but hey this is a good problem to deal with, better busy than waste my time dwelling on negativity. Better be productive than be miserable thinking of negative scenarios. Not gonna lie those thoughts still linger and catch me off guard. I do my best to divert my energy because I can't live my life this way in constant anxiety. 

Sunday, March 06, 2022

One Left

 Just finished writing the 4th out of five episodes of this cartoon that I'm writing the translation for tagalog dubbing!While each episode is just around 10 minutes, it still requires a lot of time and concentration especially translating the kiddie humor. I missed my goal of finishing all five today because I started later than my target time and also had some distractions but it's okay, I'm gonna finish up tomorrow morning before I go with my regular work task then start my other writing task later that night at home. Everything is so busy but I can manage! I like being this busy   

Saturday, March 05, 2022

Cracks

 My old laptop is now showing signs of breaking down. While I'm using the the 'new" secondhand laptop I recently bought more these days due to work, I still use this old laptop for watching stuff for leisure. I'm torn if I will have this fixed or just save money to buy a brand new one. Budget is tight so my decision for this is not easy. I wish it was not though but oh well maybe this year I could afford to a buy new one. One of these days where I feel like such a loser in life. 

Friday, March 04, 2022

799

 Truth be told I am losing hope that something worrisome is gonna happen but a day like this I feel hopeful again that the odds can be beaten. The passion is so there, you can feel it so much. I'm not confident still because their force is just too strong, you can feel it really because they don't even hide it. They act innocent and arrogant at the same time. I'm truly scared but I will cling on to any ray of hope

Thursday, March 03, 2022

Fuel

 So I got another writing project and this time it's for a cartoon that will be tagalized. It's shorter than the scripts I normally do so I took it because hey as long as I can do it why would I say no.  My weekend will be just again so jampacked but this is good, the busier I am, the happier I am because I don't have to linger anymore with my anxieties! Anyway, earlier I was able to checked the first version of the dubbed episode where I wrote the script for and glad to see there were minimal changes from what I've written to what they used on screen especially the more complicated lines I worked on! It's a good feeling of fuffillment and I rarely feel this anymore these days so whenever I feel it I cherish it

Wednesday, March 02, 2022

Payoff

I was able to get two additional dub-synch script projects I need for additional income! It will consume my weekends but I don't really mind because it keeps my mind occupied while doing something that will benefit me financially. Last year, I asked our office admin if I could get writing projects for additional income. Previously, it was not allowed for regular employees as there were conflicts in the past from previous employees who abused it and made a scheme out of it. Initially, I was not allowed due to that precedent but later on they allowed me as long as it won't interfere with my actual work task. I was able to write two late last year when they had shortage of freelance writers. This year I was able to write two and now got two other additional work. Very glad. I started as scriptwriter here in the company anyway so I do enjoy writing dub-synch scripts. Truth be told, I could have made more money from way before if I did write before pretending to be a freelance like some of my former co-workers but I'm not the type to break rules especially when money is involved. That was a decision I'm glad I made. I could have written for other dubbing studios too as raket but it's not allowed too due to conflict of interests although I knew some former coworkers who did that too. I admit for a time I regretted not taking the chance, maybe I could have made more but I really don't like doing something behind someone's back especially when involving money. I'm really happy our company allowed me do this now because I could do something for extra income with blessing and I don't have to do it secretly. It also helped we are getting a lot of projects lately so there really was a need for additional writers. I've been so down a lot but this at least made me really happy. 
,

Tuesday, March 01, 2022

Perpetually

 First day of the month and of Alert Level 1, the new "new normal" and I did feel there are more people out there now on my commute and there's heavier traffic too. But it still it just isn't the same as it was 2 years ago! But hey at least this time we're facing the second year of this pandemic in a more hopeful route now compared to last year when another outbreak came about. I will get my booster shot of the vaccine later this week too! 

I want to be excited for the possibility of going back to what it once was but with everything going around the world and especially this country and it's hard to muster enthusiasm. It's so hard to be in this constant feel of anxiousness and fear but I just can't shake it off. I wish I can. I wish there's a strong reason to.

Monday, February 28, 2022

Opposing

 One moment I feel hopeful but I immediately squash this feeling because I should not feel complacent at all. A worrying news can come in to ruin it. It is bad that I always leave room for doubt because I don't want to set myself up for big disappointment. Now there's something which all signs are pointing to a very bad result and yet I'm keeping hope alive that there will be a last minute plot twist. And then I encounter something that will remind me that the worst is about to come.  Living my life in constant fear is exhausting but still trying my very best to hold on to hope and it takes all my strength to do this.

Sunday, February 27, 2022

Level One

 So the capital and nearby provinces will be on alert level 1 this March which is the lowest alert level in this pandemic era. Cases are still averaging 1K cases but I think the threat level is just low now and hospitals are not being overwhelmed anymore. Let's see hopefully this is really the start when things can get back to what it used to be. I really want my nephew to experience actual school again!

Saturday, February 26, 2022

Where do we go from here?

 What's happening in Ukraine is really depressing. It is scary as it could be a bad precedent. I'm quite disillusioned with what's going on. I can't feel hopeful because I am deeply terrified of what could happen next. 

Friday, February 25, 2022

No Room

It's another hectic weekend for me as I will try to balance doing a lot of things! But again this is good, I need it more. Keep my mind occupied with things to do, things to accomplish and not allow negativity to suck out my energy. And this is a worthwhile project, well projects that I could benefit in the longer run. I will thrive. I will. 

Thursday, February 24, 2022

More Scary Times

 As if there are not enough problems to get worried about, this Russia vs Ukraine conflict is getting worse. I'm scared of the inflications worldwide. I dunno what to say or think anymore.

Wednesday, February 23, 2022

Unload

I watched the news earlier tonight and there was a special report on how anxiety has risen for the past two years because of everything that has happened. One of the things the expert told is a way to deal with it is to write a journal, even if the thoughts are not coherent, no particular structure but just write what you feel. Hey, that's what I've been doing here every single day for over a year now. I know what I usually write here has become a repetitive and with no character development but it truly helps me process what I feel. Can't afford a shrink so might as well help myself cope with all these anxious thoughts haunting me a lot. It just feels to say it out loud even in just here where barely anyone actually reads. Just having this release everyday keeps me in check the next day. But I do wish one day I can write happier things again. 

Tuesday, February 22, 2022

Twos

 What a fun date today is 2/22/22. Something that will never happen again in our lifetime. It's scary to think about it in a way but maybe I'm just my usual scared self. Nothing new to my life. That end point, I always think about it lately. Always haunts me because of circumstances. I pray hard every day for things to get better. For now, it actually looks like it is but I dread what could happen eventually. I dread it so much. I should think of the present which I normally do but from time to time those fears about the future creep in. Sometimes I feel there are signs or reminders of what could happen in every little thing. Let a miracle happen please.

Monday, February 21, 2022

Sides

 January lasted forever and February is about to wrap up! It's another mixed bag of a month on personal levels and national concerns but I do things the best way I can. I planned something today that didn't push through again due to the outside circumstances, such is the story of my life I guess. Again. not the most important thing in the grand scheme of things but still sucks and it can't still happen yet. Waiting continues to the perfect timing

Sunday, February 20, 2022

Whew

I just finished the tasks I should have started yesterday but glad I was able to meet my goal that I can finish everything before 12AM! I devoted a lot of time today to handle those matters because of my procrastination yesterday. Hopefully, this won't happen again that I won't have the feeling of burn out I had yesterday. This should not be my fuel.

Saturday, February 19, 2022

Preemptive

 I delayed doing something important today for tomorrow. It will be such a hassle but I felt I needed a break. This is not the best decision but I really wasn't feeling it. I guess this kind of attitude is a reason why I don't advance in life that much. Hopefully tomorrow I will be in better position to finish that thing already so I can rest easy

Friday, February 18, 2022

50 Minutes

I really went all in for a work task today and it was quite difficult because it's a project that involves focusing on something lengthier than usual. It's challenging but it's the kind of task I enjoy doing! I really wish I have the time and space to focus on it 100% but hey I did my best! Not yet finished with it though and will continue to do work stuff over the weekend here at home. Hopefully, I can finish everything and my plans for Monday will push through

Thursday, February 17, 2022

Alleviate

 Thank goodness for my work that really requires a LOT of my attention that I don't have the luxury of time to dwell on things that worry me so much these days. I'm not sure if it's a good thing because I can't escape reality no matter how I try to avoid it. It's inevitable. But at least keeping my mind preoccupied keeps me sane and not get overwhelmed by anxiety. My fear level is on the upswing and I'm really trying my very best to stay hopeful that despite the scary signs, we could still beat the odds. Oh dear Lord please let no my fears materialize. 

Wednesday, February 16, 2022

On the go

 Writing this inside a jeep because I just want to try to blog on mobile. Anyway, busy days ahead at work, I really have so many things to do but this is good and I will find a way to accomplish everything. It would have been easier if I could do OT again but not possible anymore due to a lot of factors. It does feel like we are getting closer to what was life before. I hope I don't jinx it

Tuesday, February 15, 2022

Clinging

 I've been reading how cases worldwide have been dropping and Omicron seems to be frontloaded and less deadly. Managing my expectations but I really hope this is really the start of the end of this nightmare.  I'm finding it hard to be hopeful in a lot of things in life right now but I'm fighting hard against my own pessimism to keep hope alive despite scary signs I see. If I let hope be taken away, what is left?

Monday, February 14, 2022

Haze

 I have things to do and I can't concentrate. So many distractions from all sides of my life. This is what I get from trying to be helpful and ease the burden, I get taken advantage of. Sick of being in this situation all the time. I genuinely want to help but at the same I resent being stuck in a position like this. I'm frustrated and confused all the time. 

Sunday, February 13, 2022

60

 I'm scared of the possibility in 3 months but I did see a rosy wave that could hopefully turn things around but it's going to be a hard fight. I am scared my fear will happen. I've been trying to avoid thinking about this because ultimately I'm powerless of what could happen. I hate to be a defeatist so I'm trying to lift my hope up that something could shake things up and not let that happen. Please Lord.  

Saturday, February 12, 2022

Lunch Break

My mind wants to escape but my heart is stopping it. It's the right thing to do to stay and endure everything. And there's no guarantee that an escape will bring peace in mind, avoiding it won't solve anything and will just bring in only temporary relief. It will still haunt you like a shadow lurking behind. But the struggle to stay in top form is just extraordinary hard each passing day. You can't make plans without thinking about other factors. You just have to stay where it is 

Friday, February 11, 2022

Moving

 So it is confirmed that we are moving to a new office building sometime this year. I'm gonna miss building that has been my work home for over a decade. I've been to every corner of this place! But hey this transfer is essential for the company's long-term survival! It's gonna be a strange feeling when we make the move. At least it's still here in Makati and near transportation. 

Thursday, February 10, 2022

Swamped

 I have a lot of work things to do and feeling a little overwhelmed but I can do this. It's good to be busy. Good for financial prospects. Good for mental health to get distracted from national issues that's very triggering. Good to have my mind occupied and not fall into the abyss of fears even for a few months. It's gonna be hard but hey this is for the better and I need to get myself together and not mess it up!

Wednesday, February 09, 2022

Crucial

 Everything is so crucial right now.  Not gonna lie but I'm trying to be just silent because I don't want added stress in my life right now with what I'm dealing personally but damn it's hard to ignore what's about to happen. I'm very scared right now because the past few years a lot of things that could go wrong did go wrong. So I'm avoiding thinking deeply about it because I'm just very scared. Oh Lord please guide us. 

Tuesday, February 08, 2022

Oscars 94!

 Oscar nods today! Whole I don't watch even half of the potential nominees, I do like tracking the awards race and my favorite categories are Animated Feature, Original Song and Visual Effects! Among the Best Picture nominees, my favorite is CODA but I will see West Side Story when it opens in theaters here next week! I admit even though I haven't seen it, I was rooting for it just because of the reviews and I love Spielberg! ! Also happy for Encanto nods and Raya and the Last Dragon not missing! Netflix though might finally win the big prize with Power of the Dog leading the nominations! The pandemic made people warm up to major streaming film releases  but still a theatrical experience is still different


Monday, February 07, 2022

Officially Annoyed

 Tomorrow is the official campaign season for the upcoming elections. I'm seriously dreading it. I'm already annoyed with the ads currently airing so what more now that it will be official already. I'm really nervous about this upcoming national elections. Very scared. Hoping and praying for good results this May. 

Sunday, February 06, 2022

Seventeen!

 Because of my anxieties I forgot to do an anniversary blog post on the exact date I made it! Anyway, this blog was born on February 4, 2005! Seventeen years late it's still here! This was my very first post

So full of insecurities and 17 years later nothing has changed I guess hahahahaha




Saturday, February 05, 2022

SSSS

I had a work at home task which I basically did all day but to be honest I could have finished it earlier if there weren't so many distractions in life. It's a real test for me and I got so frustrated but I needed to be at my best. It's been such a struggle how to balance it all, the hardest part is fighting my anxieties off. Stressed and scared what a soul sucking combo. 

Friday, February 04, 2022

Oh No...

 So just moments ago I felt like there's a sign of one of the things that I dread is happening. I've been trying to not think about it but I know it was inevitable. I'm very scared but I don't know what to do but just face inevitable how unfair life is. I hate it so much. 

Thursday, February 03, 2022

Rush

 So Facebook Memories reminded me that this happened 10 years ago! How time flies. My memory is still fresh of waking up early on Saturday to go to Robinsons Galleria and I was there even before the mall opened! Since it was my first time to attend a fan event, I don't know what to do and was also shy that I didn't line up first despite me being early but I still I was early enough to get a good seat as opposed to standing up. I will always find it touching when Chico and Delamar recognized my codename forg as a frequent texter of their show! It's sad their tandem is done but I still listen to them separately on their shows via Spotify podcasts and will always love them




Wednesday, February 02, 2022

Release

 I acted on impulse earlier today and did something for my enjoyment. I did something against better judgment. It's not really a big deal in the general sense but for me, it kinda is because it's a symbol of doing something because I just want to. It was quite exciting and perhaps rejuvenating to do something not planned but out of the blue because I felt like it. But then again, I didn't go all out with what I was planning and still proceeded to take the direction I needed to be. My rational side still kicked in and good thing I still do because there were some essential stuff that I needed to handle that if proceeded to go all-in today it would just hassle me later on. Still, I'm glad I did what I did today. Maybe I can do that again next time without the guilt of sacrificing something else just to proceed with what I want. 

Tuesday, February 01, 2022

Boss

 It's a working from home holiday! Normally I would go to the office for non-Holy Week/Christmas holidays but of course  those were the days before the world changed forever! But to be honest I procrastinated and just finished my tasks a few minutes ago. Spent the day running family errands but when I had free time in the afternoon I streamed a movie on Upstream where I have a voucher to one watch movie for free. And the movie I chose to watch? Boss Baby 2! I was just in the mood for something light as always. It was a cute movie with nice message about family. It's nothing really new but was good enough to have a break from life's anxieties. 

Monday, January 31, 2022

Next

 Today is the end of this very long month. What a start 2022! So much stressful moments up until yesterday! Today is calmer thank God. But of course there are worries that continue to haunt me. However I decide to take things on a per day basis. Today was okay and I'm thankful. Hopefully, more of this if not better days. As usual I am managing my expectations but will continue to stay hopeful. Oh Dear Lord please listen to my prayer. 

Sunday, January 30, 2022

Bothered

 A stressful night again due to family matters. So many fragile factors I have to consider. It's testing me so much and honestly not handling it the best way I need to be. I feel so annoyed and terrified too. But I can't be weak right now, I need to be stern or else everything else falls. That's why I can never feel at ease. I can never be comfortable because something dreadful will happen eventually. I hate to be drowning in misery most of the time I escape sometimes but still within the vicinity where I can jump back in when needed. I don't want to give up of course but it's just so hard. 

Saturday, January 29, 2022

Making Sure

 So paid my new internet/cable provider today at their office in the town proper, it's quite far and they have no online means to pay yet although there's an option to have their messenger pick up the payment here at our house but I kinda have trust issues and since this is the first payment too so I want to make sure everything is secure! Anyway, their office is small and simple but honestly I like that this company is just small and just focuses on our town as their prime customer. Service will be more accessible and focused! I do hope they get a lot of customers especially since the service is great.

Friday, January 28, 2022

Crossing My Fingers for the Nth Time

Cases are below 20K for three straight days now and I do really hope it's the start of the downward trend. I've already accepted we won't get rid of covid but I really we can enter it in the endemic territory soon enough. But the damage has been done though, things will never be the same but I hope I could see and feel what like was before. Oh God please no more deadly new variant/

Thursday, January 27, 2022

Frugal

 Just finished some work from home tasks! I really worked hard this week and my goal to have all things pending and checked off my to-do list is successful and I did it earlier than needed! This secondhand laptop I bought has been very useful, sure the specs aren't top notch but it has the basic MS applications I need and works fine. Good thing this small investment I made paid off. Maybe someday I can buy a brand new laptop but for now I feel relieved that I did made a good choice because I admit I was afraid that I made a bad one because I prioritized saving money. 

Wednesday, January 26, 2022

I Can Get Satisfaction

 So our new cable/fiber internet had no connection early this morning so I immediately contacted them but they responded two hours later at the start of the office hours and informed me that our whole barangay was affected by a mainline issue and they are already working on a fix already. Good thing I was working from home today so I was able to load up our prepaid Wi-Fi so my nephew can use it for online school. I was a little worried because our experience with Spectrum had been great so far but you know what they were able  to fix the problem soon enough and informed me on both messenger and text message! Now that's what you call good service and I immediately posted on their FB on how satisfied I was on how they handled the problem. A high school classmate messaged me because they saw my post and asked if the service is indeed good because she was planning to change provider and I recommended it highly! I've been burned by customer service of bigger companies for years now so it was such a relief to get good service. Local business like this with focused on specific areas has its advantages. I received my first bill today and will gladly pay it on Saturday. I hope the good service will continue and not just from the beginning! I deserve it!

Tuesday, January 25, 2022

Lead

 So today I learned the newly elected president of Chile is just a year older than me! It's quite unsettling to know a person my age can be a president now. Me at 34 can't fully grasp adulthood and someone near my age about to handle a whole country? But I am curious how he will fare and I hope he does good, maybe my generation can be good national leaders. Hopefully.

Monday, January 24, 2022

Clogged

 It's really hard to get out of this mental prison I placed myself in. Whenever there is a lull moment, I can't help but think of negative stuff. Sometimes even if I am in the middle of doing something that feeling of dread pops in. I'm so scared of what awaits. I'm terrified if my fears will happen. I' m doubting my instinct, if I made the right choice or I just preferred what's easy for now. Lord, please don't let this fear manifest in real life. Please....

Sunday, January 23, 2022

Step Away

 Political discourse is heated right now as election is just a few months away. I already know who I am voting for and praying my choice wins. But I choose not to join the chaos right now, it's too stressful and I already have a lot of personal matters to deal with to let this add up to my growing anxieties in life. I'm scared of what could happen so I'm avoiding thinking about it for now. If I dig deep into my feelings about this, I go to dark places. It's not healthy. 

Saturday, January 22, 2022

USB

I spent a good amount of time looking for a flash drive which I distinctly remember taking out of my bag but when I was about to insert it on my laptop I can't find it! Until now I just can't find it. I don't know what's happening to me that I'm so absent-minded that I lost a simple thing like that. I can't help but wonder if this is a sign of a bigger problem? Oh my mind goes that direction again!  I hope I can find the flash drive tomorrow.

Friday, January 21, 2022

Overcast

 January is about to end it feels like this month has lasted for so long and this year has so much challenges left. I'm very scared of the future. I think about what could go wrong every single day. I wish I could stop this but there is always something out there that would remind me. I can't avoid it completely. I'm beginning to think that I will never have peace of mind and I will live in constant fear. I hope I'm wrong/ I really hope so. I'm clinging to hope as long as I can.

Thursday, January 20, 2022

My Worries

My mind is filled up with so many thoughts that bother me not just at night but all day long...

My family's health and well-being.

My company's situation.

My country's future.

My path's direction.

My life in general the past two years had been governed by endless fears, I wish I could easily just everything off but I have nothing else to do but just endure all of it and try my best not to get drowned. 



Wednesday, January 19, 2022

Same

 I knew this no vaccine, no ride will cause chaos because they just don't think of practical application of it, how it will be done on the ground. Sure intention to promote vaccination is good but not at the expense of making the life of the ordinary commuting worker a living hell. But what else is new right? This has been going for a long time, directives that are not carefully planned and so many loopholes. I'm so sick of this but there's nothing I can do but just be exasperated.

Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Opening

 The manager has asked my help if I know someone who is looking for a job and recommend to apply for us. I actually don't know anyone right now but I still helped by posting job opening our channel's Facebook page. I hope it helps us! I can feel how stressed she was earlier! The timing just not on our side really but we will survive this, I know we can. 

Monday, January 17, 2022

More or Less

 There are multiple new projects coming in at the office which is good news but manpower is a challenge right now. With the people in quarantine plus those who recently resigned (add to the fact that there was retrenchment in November), we are definitely going to face a lot of challenges handling these projects plus there are potential projects that will add too. I'm preparing myself because I might have additional tasks on top of the things I already do right now. I was not asked yet but given the situation, I need to be prepared if they will ask for my help. Getting new projects is such great news but I wish it happened late last year and who knows maybe the retrenchment could have been stopped. How tricky the situations are right now! Good Lord please us survive this.

Sunday, January 16, 2022

Taken Off the List

I've been feeling a lot of dread lately so I needed an escape and what's the best that I can do that is to watch stuff! The past 2 nights I've checked out MY LIST on Netflix. I returned to Netflix last month because my nephew wants to watch some anime programs he is into right now. Now, I realized why not watch some of the stuff I put on MY LIST and there I watched the films Tick...Tick..Boom, Shawshank Redemption and documentary Shrinkers. I watched Tick..Tick...Boom! without knowing much of the background of the real life story behind it so I was so captivated with what I saw. So moving and engaging. Heartbreaking too! I've been meaning to watch Shawshank Redemption for a long time because it is famous and has been considered a must-see and I was not disappointed. That was a riveting tale of finding hope in the worst case possible and the "twist" also blew my mind. It is indeed classic adult filmmaking that truly resonates. Lastly, the Singaporean documentary Shrinkers has a nice hook of a "lost film" that came back to the life of the documentarian so many years later. It was so engrossing how it all happened and also to see the footages they did in 1992 was such a time capsule. 

So yeah I had a good weekend I guess!

Saturday, January 15, 2022

Everywhere

 Cases are closing in to 40K. Well, officially that is because many are not getting tested because it's not practical because of the expensive PCR tests. Also, there are people who just take the antigen test at home. It's all messy. We are all now assuming this virus is everywhere at this point. I don't know what to think or feel anymore. Still hoping and praying for better days ahead.  

Friday, January 14, 2022

Matic

 37K cases today and despite the all time high number the health department is encouraging less PCR testing and quarantine days now for those who got infected and close contact. I get it for practical purposes especially for those vaccinated but it seems careless, speaks a lot of the " bahala na" mentality. It also feels like an admittance we don't have the capability anymore. I was at the pharmacy and all paracetamol  and over the counter products for colds and fever are sold out. Even strepsils for sore throat. Two years of this pandemic and yet it is giving me new ways to scare us. Oh Lord please let this be final wave, please

Thursday, January 13, 2022

Scary Times

 Cases reached an all time high again and the virus is just literally everywhere. The streets are essentially empty. Saw many stores in Ayala that are "temporarily closed". In this pandemic I have seen a lot of these temporary closures that ultimately led to full time closures one of which is the FamilyDoc clinic here in our place. Imagine a clinic closing in this era. There are fewer people going to work onsite these days as seen in the number of commuters now. Even in our office we are so few. I've been in the office for the past 3 days and I will go work from home tomorrow. I contemplated going to the office again to finish some task in advance but I decided against it in the end because I can do it next week anyway and I need some time off commuting because it is scary to be exposed out in the streets. Paracetamols and other medicines going scare is quite disturbing too., Hoping and praying hard this is the last big wave. Please let it be. 

Wednesday, January 12, 2022

Go!

 Loving our new cable / internet provider! I joined their Facebook promo and won an HBO Go voucher! I really wanted to watch the sequel to one of my all time favorite - On The Job and it's streaming there so I will now finally be able to see it! Also planning to watch shows I've been meaning to watch but haven't yet like I May Destroy You and Enlightened! Some movies like Dune and Godzilla vs Kong which are available there too! I will really make sure my one month free access with this platform!

Tuesday, January 11, 2022

Strange

 Commuting to work is a different experience lately. Traffic is light because there are just few people around. This is happening definitely because of the rise in cases. Even at the office we are even fewer than usual in the pandemic era. The shuttle van I'm riding also has fewer passengers. It's a mix of feeling of relaxing but uneasiness too. I like the calmness it exudes but still I can't deny the reason behind all of this. With the fast transmission it is scary to be out there but my work needs to be done at the office especially with my video editor in a quarantine facility right now,. A lot of things to be done and grateful that I am busy because when I'm not, negative thoughts simply rule over me. I can't live my life like that.

Monday, January 10, 2022

Substandard

 I always get broken things. Things that have issues. Things that don't work smoothly. I always have to deal with imperfection. I settle for less. I settle for mediocrity. Most of it is my fault because I just accept it. Tolerate. I work with what I have. But I deserve better. I should ask for more. I should ask for better. But aiming for better always have complications. Add to the fact that I'm trapped with so many limitations. I'm tired of this endless cycle of my life. Nothing really works out. 

Sunday, January 09, 2022

28,707

 Highest cases ever and I fear this is just this is just start of more record cases. Vaccine cards being an entry pass is now getting more common. I'm worried but managing to be as relaxed as possible. Life has to go on, we can't afford to do lockdowns anymore . I'm currently watching the latest season of The Amazing Race and this was the season that was affected by the pandemic so  it's so eerie to watch this episode knowing it was just weeks away when the world changed forever. But also love to see life again when it was really normal. 

Saturday, January 08, 2022

What Ifs Cycle

 My life is always about a test of patience and how to control the situation from escalating to unnecessary drama and source of stress. It's so unbelievably hard because there are just so many intersecting factors I have to address. Most of the time I sacrifice my own happiness. I know I'm doing the right thing but whenever I faced troubling times I can't help but wonder if I followed the path I really wanted to take where would my life will be right now? I think this will forever haunt me. It's just the stress talking right now because ultimately I would have regretted it big time if I chose not to prioritize this matter in my life. It would have been more painful if I didn't make this choice. But I wish this line of thought will not cross my mind again. It's a real internal torture. 

Friday, January 07, 2022

Seven Days In

 Spent nearly 5 hours waiting to get my nephew's second dose of vaccine. First dose last December was just an hour. There were so MANY people today. I was pissed off how disorganized they were, the minors should have separate schedule or they should have allow the adults first dose and booster on the same schedule or same site. They could be short staffed I know but still they should have had better planning. Many people rushing to get vaccinated because of the restrictions now for the unvaccinated. I have mixed feelings about that, I get the idea of encouraging people to get vaccinated already but I feel like the implementation of this would be messy and could be abused for power trippers.

First week of 2022 and so chaotic already. 

Thursday, January 06, 2022

17K

 Cases are rapidly rising and as someone who still goes to the office, it is quite scary but I gotta march on. Paracetamol are now gone in pharmacies, it's quite unsettling. While for sure there are hoarders out there but there is legit demand for it. What a way to start the year. How many have I said that I hope this ends soon but it's now 2 years and we still can't escape this virus. How long are we gonna wait?

Wednesday, January 05, 2022

It's here

So last week cases were down to less than 300 and in just a few days we are now at 10K. Cases are surging all over the world to alarming numbers. Omnicon effect. I know quite a few personally now who have teste positive. The office earlier was so bare with people. In a way that feels safer with less people around but also nerve wracking to think what's happening. Trying to remain as calm as possible too, devoted a lot of time focusing on work. It's somewhat encouraging that according to reports most cases are mild. I'm quite hoping this is it for Covid. The last alarming variant. And after this we could now live a life as close to what it once was, I don't expect to covid to fully disappear but just less deadly. Please let this be Lord.

Tuesday, January 04, 2022

Secondhand

 So I bought this used HP laptop for a cheap price yesterday and currently using it to type this post. My current laptop works fine but has monitor issues which I haven't replaced yet but now that I have another laptop I can use for work purposes then I will finally have it fixed as soon as I have the extra money to do so. This laptop has issue like battery is dead so it needs to be plugged in always which is not new thing for me because my current laptop has the same issue and honestly I've been using laptops like a desktop and just at home. The only time I brought a laptop out in the open is when I used it for my thesis defense! This laptop also has limited storage/memory which is fine because I will just mainly use this laptop for work so word and excel are all I need. On that secondhand store where I bought this, there was also a secondhand Mac available that I was tempted to buy but it went above my budget and I've never really used a mac outside the video editing one I used at work so I got more practical picked this one because it was the cheapest. Anyway, I hope this laptop will last me a long time. In fairness to me I've had 3 laptops in my lifetime and all were used for than 5 years at least. 

Monday, January 03, 2022

Here We Go Again and Again and Again

 Covid cases are rising again that it's hitting close to me. My video editor is isolating right now after her sibling tested positive although his test result was negative. Looking like restrictions are here again and the annoying comeback of the mandatory face shield use is imminent. I'm worried but I need to stay calm. It doesn't help that lingering thought of my family's safety especially Nanay's health is affecting me that much. I'm reading up that at least hospitalizations are not as high and just many mild cases and South Africa where this was officially discovered is seeing a fast trend of lowering cases. Hopefully, it won't be deadly.  Come on let this end already. 

Sunday, January 02, 2022

Resolution

 Good thing my family decide not to go out on New Year's Day. I actually had a good 4-hour afternoon nap which is quite refreshing! Back to work on Monday and looking forward to it because I have a lot of things to do and I'm thankful because I need to stay busy to keep my mind from thinking of negative things. I will attemp to have a New Year's resolution by trying to control my pessimism and alarmist attitude. I won't say I will be completely off it but I will try to remain as calm as possible when facing life's pressures. I owe myself that/


Saturday, January 01, 2022

365 Days

So I blogged every single day in 2021 365 days. First time ever in 16 years of my blog's existence. Yes, I combined my yearend TV and Movies retrospective in one post so I would have exactly one post per day hahah! Anyway, I  know majority of my posts since I started posting daily are not polished! With mostly random vague thoughts filled with rants, fears and anxieties. Basically my shock absorber but it has really help grapple with complicated feelings the past 2 years or so. I'm fearful of what could happen this 2022. Where I will be 365 days from now? Hopefully, the worst case scenarios will just stay in my mind and will not manifest. It's really rough but I will carry on and face everything life throws at me the best way I can/