4/4

I'll be so busy doing some stuff in the next 4 days! I need to meet my goal and make it work. No distractions. No delays. I still need to juggle other stuff while doing this but I just need to have the right mindset so I could accomplish. On we go!

Struggling

Thinking of one thing that it is more convenient but then again it has its own share of difficulties as well. Most notably, lack of awareness for some that they expect everyone is at ther beck and call. Or worst, being the sounding of self inflicted stressors. I hate to think this way but this is what I have been dealing and sometimes it takes a toll on me. Internally, of course. I can't show weakness as much as possible 

Confused

 I just witnessed yet again something that's really making me worry. Just trying to calm myself down that it's manageable, I must be patient. It's so hard to be levelheaded because everything is difficult to deal with but I can't afford to lose hope. I need to be strong so everything won't fall apart. 

Alarm

 I'm back worrying again over something that isn't under my control, but this is how I am, already sounding the alarm as early as now. I really hope that something good and new will come up soon so that I can feel at ease. 

Shallow Waters

 Decided to step away from that thing that would just give me unnecessary stress. I already starting to sense that it will upset me and it's such a nonsense matter. I just get too drawn with inconsequential things sometimes. Now I will try to focus on what matters again. Especially, since I'm starting to get worried about that thing again. 

Winner

 My bet Kai lost on PBB Gen 11, just 4th place. I kinda saw it coming base on voting trends and the forums and social media reactions I've been reading.  But well it was a fun show and I really got hooked now back to regular programming to me and focus on other stuff!

Penultimate

 I've been watching PBB since Day 1, 19 years ago, and this has been a good season. I know na that the cost-cutting sa production is quite evident, there were no "grand" tasks unlike before. Still, I do think yun pa nga naging edge this season kasi there were tendencies na over-produced na yung tasks or masyado na showbiz (concerts), or tasks where they go outside which defeats the initial concept of the show na isolated lang sila. In a way back to basics sila dito so there are more social interactions with the housemates. Since wala na rin yung activity area mas limited pa mundo nila but the earlier seasons like the ones from over a decade ago ganito rin naman kaliit ang mundo nila and it was engaging kasi you just watch how they interact and what stories develop organically. I'm not a fan of too many game-based challenges, it gets boring later on din kasi, the finale weeks of previous seasons naging challenge-driven which kills momentum. I have to say the finale week of this season is well-done. Mas nakilala ang Big 4, a true test of character and a look on how strong their relationships have formed. That's what keeps me hooked sa show despite its flaws. Your connection with the housemates and how you will see yourself one way or another or even get exposed to certain personalities and relationships that you wouldn't do in normal life. I can't help but smile sa penultimate episode, seeing the big 4 reunited, their reactions when they heard Kuya again, and their special dinner where they share their sincerest praises to one another. Just pure human emotion. This is the best thing about this show, despite the flaws and issues, it will always have that heart.

Kristine Again

 Stuck at home because of the typhoon. But now I'm thinking maybe I should have just braved the weather and went to the office instead! I just can't focus here. WFH is not for me. My situation isn't just ideal for it. 

Kristine

 Didn't go to work today because I woke up and felt off. It didn't help that there was a typhoon although we weren't badly hit like in other provinces but I just didn't feel that going to the office under this weather is good. I do feel better now and I do think it was a good decision to take a leave for today because the commute home will be difficulty with the rains and the winds. 

To the....

 I was planning to accomplish something but barely got started. I was so sleepy all afternoon I wasn't able to focus. Argh. Hate when that happens especially since I have a lot of things to do this week. Let's try again tomorrow!

Archive

Browsing the recently uploaded Heraldo Filipino digital archives (https://www.heraldofilipino.org/archives) brings back many memories. I can't help but feel nostalgic seeing my first articles published 19 years ago. It was a dream come true to see my name printed on the campus broadsheet (especially when it was on the front page). I feel that sometimes as I get older, I'm losing that spark I once had because of life's many challenges. So seeing these again, it's nice to be reminded of that youthful zest I had before.

Development

Mixed bag because one carelessly said hurtful words without thinking how it would affect the person. And it's all just because of something else bothering him and lashing out at someone else. Thus, creating unnecessary tension. Annoyed. Later on, though, he realized that he had made one wrong move on a separate issue. I liked that I heard some acknowledgment of a mistake made because it's not a usual thing, pride and all. So yeah it's a day that's quite confusing to deal with. 

Gen11

 I really like PBB Gen 11 and the result of the Big 4 tonight was excting as always. This show 19 years in still gets it really. My bet is Kai and I hope she wins!

Five Bottles

 Glad to know the worst fears didn't happen. Thank God for that. But always, it's never really 100% okay but taking one step at a time, I'm all good. I will continue to pray for the stability and improvement. 

Hundreds

 I'm feeling anxious again. I can't help it. Adding to my worries are some of the other non-directly related things that are making me feel so worried again. But then I need to focus my energy on this particular thing that is directly affecting me. It's just an awful feeling but I need to stay strong. 

Practical

 So I answered an alumni survey from my college and in one question I responded that the university should have a thorough program on financial literacy for all graduating students. A student should have a basic idea of what SSS, Philhealth, PAGIBIG and the like are

Blob

 No matter how I try to ignore it, the warning signs are there. I'm scared but I need to prepare myself in all aspects of what could likely come. I hope it isn't the worst case, This has been my life for the last 4 years, always praying for the least scary outcome. Oh dear Lord, please hear my prayer. 

Is

 I felt really bad for my co-worker dealing with a very emotional time personally. He should not be in the office but I get why he still came in. It is his escape. We actually just let him when he sleeps because he does not get any at home due the ordeal he is facing with. I can't help but think what if I get into the same situation. I had a similar experience and thankfully we survived it but still, the threat is always there. It's really soul-sucking, to be honest but you gotta march on. Praying hard for my co-worker to be strong in these trying times. 

Cut

 I let myself get distracted and mildly upset over something that does not involve me personally but is just a hobby. I really need to step back sometimes because I get too invested like how people get so involved in sports. I do get some entertainment here but when things get toxic, nope, I have other things in mind that I don't have space for that shallow thing. 

169

I did a random again today for cheap thrills! I'm just looking for something to fill in the gap without risking too much but well I already feel disappointed this early on! 

Plugged In

 I bought a new branded earphone (wired), and it's cheaper now, thanks, I guess, to bluetooth earphones! I still prefer wired ones because I will just lose the bluetooth ones; I'm not going to risk it!

Ignite

I was planning to do something tonight but the lazybone won over again. Tomorrow it is! Anyway, another one of my shallow interests wasted my time. Argh! Why do i still get affected over such nonsense! And it's not really serious nor directly affects me but just plain "team" nonsense so to speak! But I guess sometimes it's OK to be annoyed at something that don't have real weigh as a funnel to let out those things that really bother you for real big time!

ZzZz

 I'm fighting sleepiness right now. I slept well enough, so this is something other than just being tired. I was able to do some errands earlier with full attention but now I'm so sleepy! It's not even noon yet! I don't know what my consciousness is actually saying right now. 

Coffee

 Always checking and nil most of the time. I don't know why I keep on insisting that there's still probably a chance it could work out. My mind is so chaotic all the time. I need to stop overthinking but just when I think I found the right spot to stabilize, it will then come crashing down when something out of the blue provokes to overthink again. Ignorance is bliss sometimes or maybe most of the time. 

Skip

 I made a call today that is partly for my benefit and for others. I think it was a good decision because things went smoothly but hopefully tomorrow I get back the groove. I am finding ways to get excited again after that thing that was not pushing through anymore.  Yeah, still not over that but there's nothing I can do about it anymore but just move on. 

Wither

 Another one of those days where I suffer from unnecessary stress because of people making a big deal out of nothing. Making a big fuss when you can't just let it pass. Yet again I just think "It could be worse" so I don't have to make things harder for me because I struggle internally when those things happen, It's tough mentally and emotionally. I try my best to keep it together and do fine on the outside most of the time because I just have to. 

Grip

 Sometimes I miss my old Saturdays when I used to go to the movies and stroll around but I can't anymore since the pandemic happened and then life had things that made me prefer to stay home during the weekends. But then again I don't have the zest anymore to go out, save money, and not deal with traffic among other things. So it's not the same anymore even if I choose to go out, I will just be facing unnecessary stress. 

Strings

Felt so off today but didn't affect the things I had to do. It really is hard for me when I face something rather unpleasant even if intentions are good. I wish can just shake it off that easy. Anyway, I hope I'll be in  happier mood in the next few days. I want to receive some good news. Anything. 

Whatever

There are so many complications that are baffling. But you know there's no point in raising it because you lose no matter what. Even if you try your best to make things work out, there's always gonna have questions. You get reminded again where you stand in all of this. But times have changed, and you are left with no choice because there are no options for your situation. It sucks so bad but what can you do?

10

 I know I shouldn't be the one to speak but I don't get why some can't adjust to a more convenient situation when you are in the middle that brings more hassle and whining about it too. Oh well, maybe it brings some joy but then I think about how made adjustments for the convenience of others. I wanted to be self serving but I feel guilty. And all I want at this point of my life is peace of mind whenever I can. In the end, I know it is just a small issue but let me air out what I feel so I will be more okay in actuality.

Game Over

 I can't help but feel envious over this that we missed out due to things we can't control. I was so excited and anticipating it but then alas it didn't happen. How I wish this thing was done earlier so we could have it before those things happened. I really feel bad about this because this was the thing that made me really proud. I wish never received a taste of this feeling because it will only be taken away eventually. *sighs*