Worries

Worried about Nanay's health. We got her lab results today and nothing grave but still it reminded me how fragile she is right now with her high blood pressure and diabeter inevitably affecting her kidney as well. Doctor said it's a moderate case but to prevent further damage we must be very vigilant.

Nanay also had her thyroid undergo ultrasound to check if she has nodules. She has hyperthyroidism which has been affecting her sleep and why she's getting some tremors as well.  We find out tomorrow the ultrasound results and I really hope and pray it's not a complicated case too. I'm worried because Nanay is visibly worried, A while ago she had trouble sleeping again likely because she is worried about her health. Tried to calm her down but I think I got a little snippy which I deeply regret now. I was doing the same thing I hated when I got sick when i was a child and I see her snipping at me but I know it was because she was just too worried but back then I felt so guilty getting sick. Now it's the reverse.  I'm the person making her uncomfortable because I get too stressed about her condition. I feel so guilty. I need to calm down and be strong because Tatay and my siblings are worried too and I think for some reason I became THE person that should be the rock. Can I handle it? Oh dear Lord please guide me. 

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In the middle of me accompanying my mother to the clinic I was reminded of some work duties and I know my manager didn't meant it but I felt so pressured today. I do really want to go back to the office but there's no public transportation available and I'm so afraid to travel Metro Manila and the thought that I might get stranded. I also feel uncomfortable not being at my family's side especially with Nanay's health concerns. I'm so torn.  This pandemic raised the stress level to a higher degree. How can I work this out?