Tender

 So finished one of the toughest dubbing scripts I ever did! But it was quite fulfilling because I really poured all my focus to finish it well! I'm quite confident with my work here! I still have a couple of scripts to work on but every time I finish something off my list I just get more motivated to do more! It sounds funny for some I guess but really this work has help me relax with all the anxieties I've been dealing with lately/  This year has been good and hopefully next year will be even better 

React

Trying my best to be calm when there's so much to worry about. Or maybe I just make things bigger than it really is.  Taking things one day at a time. That's all I can do at this point so I can stay sane because I can't be the one making things more difficult than it already is.

Inhale

Taking a time off . Partly because of necessity but also I need to step back a little from all the anxiety. I feel guilty it's like I'm giving up but I swear it isn't despite feeling exhausted lately. I just need a breather to focus on something urgent but also to recharge so I can face the challenges with a clearer mind. I just hope and pray nothing bad happens in this short time. Please no.

Bumpy

 Just as when I thought the day is okay, some unnecessary hassle got in the way. Small stuff to be honest but I'm so overwhelmed with everything in my life now that even a slight bump can give me a mountain of anxiety and exhaustion. But now I've calmed down a little I feel so awful to feel this way yet again. It's a cycle. I don't know how to control it from not happening again. 

Trouble Within

 It's hard to concentrate when I can't shake this feeling off my system. I know I need to be grateful because it could have been worst but no matter how hard I try I just can't suppress this feeling of despair. How I wish the situation was different, how I wish we were in a better position. It's selfish but I wish I was able to maximize life and enjoy it right now but every moment when I feel a tinge of joy, I'm quickly reminded things could still get worse. I want to look forward to something, to feel excitement again but that feeling that anything bad could happen keeps me in check all the time. I wish to be free of this feeling and yet I know deep inside that being freed from this internal prison comes with a price I don't want to happen. It's hard to feel that because no matter what, there's simply nothing I can do no matter how hard to try to change everything. It's an ugly feeling I wish I can just erase from existence. 

Lagundi

Another manifestation of the current problem. I tried my best to be as calm and understanding but it's really difficult not to be overwhelmed with all the stuff being thrown at us. It's neverending. There's no sense of clarity on the horizon. I'm frustrated and devastated. I'm losing my mind at times because I feel so hopeless. It's not the worst-case scenario yet but the signs are there. The other possible solution will bring despair as well. We can't find a winning option.

Question

When I heard this question earlier it feels like a confirmation of what I've been worrying about. I tried my best to sound calm and not too dismissive but it bothered me so much. I feel like giving up again but of course, I won't. But just the thought of dealing with this possible nightmare is eating me inside. Once again praying hard that what I'm thinking is not true. Please Lord hear our prayer.

Nun!

 So excited that the Filipino-dubbed for Warrior Nun Season 1 is now streaming! Season 2 comes out tomorrow and hopefully that Filipino dubbed for it will be out at the same time as well. This is a show that I've seen for the first time due to work but definitely became a favorite. Season 2 is even more fantastic! I hope it gets renewed for season 3 and not just because its our project but I really want to see more of this show

Suki

 You have no idea how happy I was when the Mercury Drug branch near yus finally replied to my text that my father's Suki card (which I have been using for the last 2 years) was indeed at their branch and I carelessly left it there. I know it can be replaced it but the lesser hassle is actually finding it! I have over 300 points there already!

Liwayway

 Maligayang Isang Daan Taon sa Liwayway Magazine!

Bumibili dati nanay ko nito at palagi kong binabasa mga maikiling kwento at syempre ang komiks! Matagal ng nawala ang mga komiks, songhits at magasin na kinalakihan ko kaya nakakatuwa na meron isa na tumagal at lumalaban pa din na manatili sa modernong panahon. Nabasa ko sa FB page nila na mabibili na ang Liwayway sa Shopee at Lazada! Mabuti naman dahil gusto kong makabili na landmark issue na 'to dahil mahirap na rin makahanap ng nagtitinda nito (o kahit anong magasin na meron pa rin) sa panahon ngayon.

Revisit

 It was good to take a visit to a place where I had so much fun even if it was just temporarily. I could have done some advanced work this weekend but since nothing was immediately due so I decided why not take a break this weekend and do something that's just for leisure! I do deserve it. I need to recharge to gear up for work ahead and I do hope we can get some new projects I've been hoping for! 

Afar

I feel a little jaded lately but always trying to keep things going and live one day at a time. Right now I feel there's a win here but who knows what will happen the next days. Always hoping for good days. Please let us have many of those.

Scratch

 So yeah I'm beginning to worry about another thing. Trying to tell myself that this should not be a big cause of concern but one thing I've learned with the events of the past 2 years is that don't really take things lightly. But as always with my anxieties, always hoping and praying my worst fearts are not gonna happen. Please.

Met

Pretty satisfied that I was able to attain my goal today and finish everything earlier than expected too. Now, I have some free time to do other stuff but choosing, for now, to take a breather before I take on more stuff again tomorrow or maybe even tonight. All the stress and anxiety disappear each time I focus my attention to things I need to get done now. 

Takeaway

I  just watching something that made me reflect on some things in life, on how some other people, or no maybe us in general can be victims of our own doing. Like what we think is we are doing something special, something noble but on the other side we could be ignoring some serious red flags as well because we could be blinded of thinking this is for the greater good. It's both frustrating and depressing to be quite honest!

Spinners

 I finished writing the dubbing script for this upcoming romcom movie and boy I really had fun. Of course there are cliches and staples but love translating those words! I think this movie will come out Valentines 2023! So can't wait for that! Back to the office tomorrow and I really have a lot of things to do but this kind of work fuels me! Also hoping for upcoming dubbing projects I've been hoping for to finally be greenlighted this week! 

The Horror

 This time of the year is when horror/spooky stories are everywhere. But to tell you the truth, those stories don't scare me as much as they used to. It's not because I'm braver or anything close to that it's just the fast few years, heck even months, I've been living with fear from a lot of aspects of my life. Real life is just scarier these days. 

Eleven

 The majority of my working life has been devoted to overseeing this channel's operations practically doing everything from basic cut-to-cut editing of each episode, scheduling, and even customer service to viewers messaging us for signal concerns. I'm a TV guy so having a job related to it is a treat. It's never easy because we have limited resources but we managed to make it work. I'm deeply grateful to all the people I've worked with over the years. I'm very proud TeleNovela Channel Philippines is still on the air, 11 years in. You can see TeleNovela Channel on Sky Cable Ch. 81, Cignal Ch. 126, and various cable operators nationwide. We are also streaming 24/7 via Cignal Play Premium 200

Non-Stop

 Definitely the heaviest rainfall this year and I feel like we didn't see this coming. At least here in Mega Manila. Weeks earlier we are all properly warned of a potential super typhoon and it wasn't that strong (again in this area only because I know it had a bigger effect elsewhere) but now I feel like there was a gap in information. I have my theories but well it's something I don't want to dig deep into anymore as it frustrates me! Anyway, glad I was able to finish this script I wanted to finish today.  Another script to work on tomorrow with a target completion on Tuesday but hoping I can finish earlier on Monday! I hope I can do it!

Listing Down

 Long weekend ahead and my plans are of course to use this time to write dubbing scripts. I have 3 on que although none are immediately due I was hoping to finish one today but it was tougher than I expected as it had very difficult scenes of two characters having long screaming matches! I wanted to do some writing tonight but I got lazy! Maybe because it isn't due anytime so that's why I'm slacking! Anyway, the other project I have is an upcoming romcom movie, I'll just do the second half because the writer for this asked for my help because she couldn't finish and well I accepted because I would love to do a romcom dubbing script. My target time to finish this one is Tuesday, hope I can do it. Another one I'm set to do is the penultimate episode of a sitcom I do really watch even way before it became our project! This isn't immediately due as well but hoping to finish it next weekend. I have two other writing projects that will fill up my November!

Little

 So this bigger production studio had a press tour of their new office with a live dubbing demo of their Netflix project. I just saw the photo and their studio is HUGE. Like 4 of our small studios combined! The other production company doing the Netflix dubbing projects here is the local branch of a big company worldwide. We really are just a small company compared to them but still, I'm quite amazed we were able to pull it off given our limited resources! Frankly, I'm okay being the underdog here!

Please no

Maybe I'm just paranoid but I have a bad feeling about something that happened moments ago. This extra glee I'm witnessing is something I should be happy but I feel the opposite because I worry something not-so-good could happen next? Jeesh. Why do I think this way? I just don't want to feel complacent and then get caught off guard when something bad happens next. I'm so messed up. But please Lord let not my fears happen. 

Leeway

A rainy day and it was both relaxing and stressful at the same time. But for some reason, it did push to go all out with my productivity as I've already finished some work duties way ahead of my usual schedule! I still have things lined up for the next few days but those are more flexible ones as I'm already done with the more immediate concerns. I'm always like this when there's a major long weekend coming up. I do advanced work to cover up things I need to accomplish and glad I was able to do it again. Anyway, time to get some rest now!

Maximize

I just finished a take-home work which I wasn't able to finish at the office today. Truth be told, I could just do it tomorrow because there's still time but I wanted to finish it today so I can focus on other tasks as well. I'm in 100% work mode, especially with a 4-day holiday weekend coming that will affect my workflow! I just want to maximize this week to be more productive! Really good thing I genuinely enjoy what I do at work and doing it provides some personal entertainment too lately because my work involves TV shows! I mean yeah I know I could have been more ambitious in my career, strived to earn more but you see as I've grown older I just want to do something that's not as stressful that I could think that I don't want to go to work. I felt that during my second job so when I landed this job I just wanted to last at least a year but also be genuinely interested in it. This year has been really good at the office and I hope to have more fruitful years ahead hence why I look forward to potential new projects and I hope we do get it!

Ahead

 October is about to end and why is the weather so humid? It feels like summer these days. Also, I dread next weekend because of the extended weekend holiday is upon us. Traffic going home will be stressful and also not having office days on Oct. 31 and Nov. 1 will be challenging too for some of the tasks I need to finish at work. Well, honestly I can manage to do two non-working days because we're ahead of schedule but I dunno I don't want things to do piled up upon returning to work! But oh well this should not be an issue, I just stress myself unnecessarily yet again!  Anyway, hoping for some of the things I'm waiting for at work next week to happen. Mostly, new projects anticipating/hoping for the company to get soon!

Pru

Today was the day that I really made the step so something I wanted to do but didn't have the courage and yes the money to do it. It's a small step to me that hopefully will help me have a sense of security in the future. It's gonna take a lot of discipline for me to make this commitment but I am determined to do this. It's a little late to be honest but better late than never.

The Point

 Some people say outrageous things to get attention or worst, distract from more pressing issues. Sadly, most of the time they are successful because they know what buttons to push.  "Sa dami ng problema bakit yan ang pinagdidiskitahan?" That is the point, they want your reactions/takedowns to dominate social media and bury the more important issues. I hope more people realize and wag na kumagat pa. You are giving them what they want

Distance

Last night's incident is still bugging me today. I have complex feelings of despair, frustration, and shame. The last one is because I should be handling it better than what I'm currently doing of being so paranoid, stressed, and acting up a little. I'm not helping the situation because of how I am thinking right now. I'm tired but it's no excuse to give up and be mad for something no one really wants to feel. I understand everything but I just can't help but feel so scared shitless that I'm acting this way. Lord please help us find peace in this situation. Heal the wounded soul and hearts.

On Repeat

Here we go again and trying my best to be calm about it because there's nothing we can do at this point.  Also, trying my best not to panic as well. Maybe I just go back to my resigned self. I do hate a defeatist attitude. Hard to stay hopeful when nothing improves. I just easily give up so trying my best not to do it again. So I dunno how to process what I feel. The stress I'm dealing with. I don't do a good job controlling it. I tend to spiral out of control.  So what now. Just wait and see I guess. 

Strikethrough

 Just finished working on editing this dubbing script! I love this project so I really went all out! With that said because I focused on this, I left some other tasks that I need to finish tomorrow but it's gonna be fine, I'm gonna accomplish them all. I hope this project turns out well!

Random ADR Thoughts

I wrote dubbing scripts for an animated children's show, two episodes of around 10 minutes each. It is for English dubbing so my years of exposure watching  Disney Junior/Nickelodeon when my nephew was young paid off! I like cartoons for something light and easy like this.  I was really busy the past few days as I also worked on the English dubbing script of an Asian show with a  business politics-driven plot with a lot of math in the dialogue but I liked the setting really because it's world new to me. I also wrote the finale of a telenovela, I always love writing finales really! So far that's the last telenovela project currently. We are still waiting for which shows will be dubbed in English too. I'm hoping two telenovelas I'm interested in personally will be our next projects! Oh I also did a demo script for a potential client that will a European sitcom to English. I hope we get the project because well it's something new for us and yes I would love to write for it!  The two recent Netflix movies I translated for are currently both in the top 10! I feel proud in a way although not sure if a lot of viewers watched the Filipino-dubbed version and I hope those who did liked it! 

Relatively

 After yesterday's stressful day, today was okay, As good as one can hope at the moment. I hope for more days like this. Just calm. Some annoying stuff from time to time but manageable. But I know it won't be like this every day and maybe tomorrow or any moment now stress will make a comeback. But please not soon. However, I'll cherish the moment when there's calmness in my heart even if it is only for a short time before I go back to facing life's challenges again. 

Pagod

 I'm really just tired. But I have no choice but just deal with it. Endless stress. Dealing with problems that shouldn't be problems in the first place but keeps happening again over and over. Simple tired and exhausted. I know there is a much darker scenario that I just have to be grateful this isn't it. But I'm just simply tired. Of worrying. Of living in fear. Of being scared. Lagi na lang ganito. 

Luckiest Hollow!

 Two of the dubbing scripts I worked on are now streaming on Netflix! Last week it was Luckiest Girl Alive and today the Halloween family flick The Curse of Bridge Hollow! I've seen both multiple times in the course of working on the projects but I watched it again now that it's on Netflix! I feel proud! The past two weeks were once again hectic with me juggling writing dubbing scripts, doing QC, cable channel duties, and family needs but every time I finish things, I feel so accomplished. There are also new dubbing projects for a client abroad one is a business-driven drama that's quite interesting to do but there's a lot of MATH in the storyline haha and now we have this foreign animated show for pre-school kids. I haven't been watching other TV shows for leisure these days because my watching time nowadays are related to work but I enjoy it!

Half

 This may very well be something minor but I'm afraid of underestimating things because I'm just scared that something could surprise me so I guess I always try to prepare myself for the negative stuff. But you see I've done this several times and when my negative fears are confirmed, no amount of preparation can ever get me ready to deal with when it has become a reality.  This cycle is exhausting. I wish I can really stop but afraid this is something I might not be able to control anymore. 

Unremarkable

 Being unremarkable for something today made me really happy! Yes, it's the kind of unremarkable that I need to happen. My paranoid self was so worried about this routine thing that could catch me off guard. Good thing it wasn't the case. Thank you Lord. But I do hope my other worry, the neverending one, will end too or at least in a place where it won't be that scary anymore. 

Same Worries

 So it happened again last night while I was unaware because I was not there but I had a feeling something was going on. I hate it when my paranoia is confirmed. Now, I'm getting paranoid over another thing but I do really hope this one won't be confirmed. Please Lord, we- I -  can only handle so much, please let no my worries truly happen. So scared again. 

Focus

 I tried to do so many things recently that it's getting a little overwhelming now! But I wanted this so now I'm getting what I deserve but I do really need to slow down or at least control things that give me unnecessary hassles in life. That's what I'm good at in other things too so might well do the same here as well. 

Left and Right

 So my earphones broke! Well, the left ear has now lower volume! The other one still works but what an inconvenience, it just lasted a year and this was a more expensive brand but was just on sale at the time when I bought it so I guess this was to be expected?!! Oh well, I need to buy another one.  Another expense that I have to do.

Assist

So we had this urgent script that only had a short turnaround because of a client request that they need the dubbed version ASAP. So yeah, I bravely took on the project because well I do think I can do it because I'm familiar with this kind of project already and wrote dubbing scripts for a similar show in the past and they are relatively easier to do because of simple conversations and really good raw English translated script that I didn't need that much rewriting in context but just something to work around for synching.  And also ever since last year when the company helped financially when my mother was hospitalized and then allowed me to write dubbing scripts with TF, I did promise myself I will help the company in every way I can as gratitude and support as well. Through ups and downs, I've been here and you know even during the frustrating times and the times I tried to leave there's always something that made me stay. Always rooting for my second family here. 

Ideal

 So I accepted a task not to inconvenience others but also I do believe I'm the one capable to do it with less hassle than possible! It's gonna be a challenging one with the shorter time frame but determined to finish it. 

Voucher

 When I bought this laptop a few months ago it came with an Adidas voucher worth three thousand pesos. I had to submit some stuff first via e-mail before I could receive the voucher. It took a week before it got verified and after receiving the e-mail containing the voucher, it will be effective after 2 weeks too. So much waiting! But then after the date when I can use the voucher I was too busy to go to the designated mall to claim so it took nearly 2 months before I would be able to do so! I asked the Facebook page of the laptop brand I bought to ask if this voucher has an expiry and there was none so I think that was the factor why it took me a while because it had no deadline! Anyway, so glad I was able to use it! I found shoes that cost exactly 3,000! When I redeemed my voucher there were actually 2 customers before who did the same as well! There was a list apparently of the voucher recipients and I was part of Batch 10 when I signed I was the only one left from that page who haven't claimed it! Anyway, used the shoes today and I was so happy!  I've deprived myself of stuff like this because I can't afford it so glad I was able to get a good brand of shoes essentially free!

Recheck

 Two of the dubbing scripts I wrote had some not-so-good feedback that I found out back-to-back. First time to receive that kind of feedback since returning to writing dubbing scripts  this year. To be fair to me, the scripts had synching for one character each only so the problem was not the entire script at least. It had synching issues because my lines were too long and those particular scenes really had long lines so I wasn't able to estimate the words properly. Admittedly, I wrote these two scripts near each other so yeah I wasn't able to give each script the right amount needed to re-check for polishing it.  It's also a good reminder to me that I should slow it down sometimes and not take multiple projects at once so this won't happen again

Dark

 My brother is a regular listener to his program. I found his style too abrasive but he indeed voiced out some of our concerns that we can't or are afraid to speak out loud. I did think he was in danger because of the way he is outspokem. And it did happen.  Scary times.

Ashamed

 My meltdown yesterday was shameful. It was mostly internal but there were traces of it that got unleashed. Not too big to make total damage but enough to make me feel guilty about how horrible I was for thinking that, for giving up easily. I feel off. I'm going back and forth about if I should be hopeful or just be accepting of the inevitable. There's so much chaos happening in my mind and heart right now. Lord please guide me

Can't

Over and over again. I'm so tired but I feel so guilty to feel this tired. This has been my cycle. Trying my best to be supportive and strong but the fact that it seems to never end is eating me alive. I feel so miserable because I shouldn't feel this tired but I can't help but feel this way, I keep reminding myself over and over again that things could be much worse so I have to be grateful that it isn't the case. But I'm exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally and I dunno maybe even spiritually? The other day I was wishing for a stress-free last stretch of 2022 but nope the last quarter of the year already brought me so much pain and agony. I want to give up but I know won't ever do that and I acknowledge the fact that giving up will just give me more misery. I can't escape this but I just have to deal with each day it threatens whatever stability I have 

Guns and Girls

 So last night I finished writing the dubbing script of a show that has a war setting. It was a little complicated to do even if there was less dialogue due to a lot of the scenes being in action mode. I guess I had difficulty choosing the right word to use especially military terms? I hope it did well on this and there won't be a problem during dubbing.  Today, I'm midway done with this half-hour teen comedy dubbing script. This one is tough to translate because of the snappy dialogue and some of the jokes are heavy on pop-culture references that are not easy to localize but it's so fun doing it! Normally, I would like to try to finish it today but I decided to take a break since I'm halfway done already and my brain needs to recharge so I can finish it tomorrow with creativity in full capacity! 

Surviving So Far

Just like that, we are enting the last quarter of 2022! Well, so far this year has been a rollercoaster ride! I'm still so nervous about what lies ahead but the present looks good and I hope it can stay that way and that there will be no more major setbacks. I'm grateful though that for all the negative pits I fell into, I still find myself climbing. Some major happened, and some didn't and very thankful for that.  Praying hard each day that brighter days ahead despite a dark cloud looming. 

No Echo

Ever since that month I've been trying to disengage really because truth be told I just feel hopeless that things will still turn out for the better anytime soon. I know there are a good amount who doesn't feel it was legit support but when you are on the ground and interact with regular people, you will know what the pulse truly is. It's disheartening but what can we do? I try not to think about it anymore because unpleasant thoughts come into my head and it's not a good feeling at all. I'm dealing with so many personal things already that  I can't add that up one on my list of worries. 

On Deck

I have three dubbing scripts to finish in the coming days. Three different shows as well. An Asian historical drama, then Mexican telenovela, and an American youth comedy. I really want to do the comedy first because it's shorter and just sounds more fun to do but I think I will do the tougher script which is the historical drama. I previewed it and there are scenes of war so not as much dialogue as heavy as let's say the Mexican soap or tricky to write with all the  Gen Z pop culture jokes for the American comedy. Glad to be continually busy. I was busy the past few doings doing my channel duties and quality checking for dubbing. I need to finish some stuff tomorrow so I can have the night cleared to start writing! I feel quite messy these days with all the worries personally and then the mistake of caring so much about what's happening in the country and the world. Those are things I have no control over anyway. I want to completely check out from that because my personal life is already too much but sometimes I can't help it but still care despite trying to be this apathetic person.  So getting lost in the world for the dubbing scripts I write really helps me a lot to be honest. I watch TV while earning from it so that's nice!

Delete

 Because of someone's carelessness, I have to stop doing something I really like doing. While I do think what that person did is not comparable to it but just to be safe we have to cover all our bases. It's a bummer because I liked doing it to feel good about myself. But it really is on the surface just a shallow thing so it's fine. 

Need

Another restless night is upon us. I need to be at my best to not make things worst. I have to be the source of confidence despite me losing all hope inside but I can't let this energy affect them. It's really difficult mentally speaking. But I need to be strong

Karding

 It's the calm before the storm. There's a looming supertyphoon coming and while right now it is still just gloomy here, the reports are very alarming and frankly scary as well. Around this time, superthyphoons are quite prevalents. Milenyo. Ondoy.  I hope this one won't be as scary as those two. 

Time

 Balancing things I need to do this weekend is extra tricky. Like what do I prioritize first? I did realized that I neglected one major thing in my life because I've been so preoccupied in front of my laptop all the time. So now I allocated good enough time for that so it won't be neglected anymore. Of course I do a lot of things in service for them but you need to spend time as well to just talk things that are not about the immediate concerns. 

Still...

 Today's my uncle's birthday. He would have turned 58 today. Two years later, I still feel sad that we lost him so soon. And truth to be told, I still think it's so unfair he passed away with so much life left in him. But life is just unpredictable. His death and the months-long struggle before he left are something until now left a big mark on me. I was there during his last breath. Tito Romy, Happy Birthday up there. We miss you so much

Trying

 Another stressful night dealing with things that happens so many times that I don't really know how to handle it anymore. Trying to stay calm as possible. Trying to be in control of everything. Trying not to let fears take over. Trying not to lose hope.

Foresight

 So I'm finally going to do something that relates to finances that I should have done when I was in my 20s but I didn't do it because well I simply can't afford it and also lacks confidence as well. But this time I found a package that's ideal for me and a person I fully tryst. Plus thank heaven somehow I  can make it work with the opportunity I've had this years.  The past 2 years has taught me a lot really and while it's a little bit late to do so, at least the ideal time, it's still not that late to do something now that can protect me in the future. 

Games

I'm currently working on a dubbing script for the finale of a show that is yet to be released. It is over one hour and there are very long and complicated lines to translate! But for what it's worth I'm having fun translating it despite being so difficult to do. I'm really conscious because I don't want to mess this up where the dubbers will have a hard time acting it out. So I really have to be careful but also be creative as well! I worked hard earlier to finish some of my key channel duties so I can have the time and energy to do this script! But I'm really excited when this finally comes out and I will so brag this :D

Underdog

 I'm feeling a little positive after some good news. While I'm fully aware of the many faults, I'm already too emotionally attached to this already that I'm rooting for redemption soon. Despite everything that has happened, I've always felt that there's sincerity to change things for the better. It's sad that for some it's a little late because some have to be let go or got fed and left but at least maybe what we have currently can be stable for years to come. And I do hope those who left (a lot with justified reasons) can open their hearts to us again

Tested

 When everything feels stable somewhat there's that recurring test of patience again. On how much I can endure what was before. And I admit I don't do a good job handling it with grace and patience. I always get consumed by despair and frustration so I commit the same mistakes again and I will end up feeling guilty about it. I keep reminding myself that this is better than the worst-case scenario where we already  had a taste of it multiple times just in the past weeks. It is absolutely exhausting 

Perhaps

 I think I now know what to do when an incident like that happens again. Hopefully, my hunch is right and that I will always have the patience and strength to handle it. It won't be easy and requires a lot of me but hey this is still so much a better option than what I've been fearing

Stresses

So I sort of snapped again because of the stress of the situation but good thing I realized that I was wrong and tried to rectify that mistake by doing something that could hopefully ease up the tension. I really hope it does. I'm so stressed again but trying to be as relaxed as possible. I need to be for the better good.

Fruits

A good day today as it is the time when I get what I deserve because of the hard work I've been doing! I'm usually a self-deprecating person but when it comes to this matter I'm so proud of the work I do fo because I really gave my all. When I finally had to do all of this I really made sure I will do a good job about this because I'm making up for the lost time when I wasn't able to do this because of outside factors and also my own inhibitions. All the struggles I've had this year at least I have this one that really makes me happy and where I get reward for the hard work I do. 

Mixed

 Just as expected, things really don't look good as earlier perceived. Another cause of alarm. I'm so exhausted and I also feel awful that I feel so frustrated. For now, everything's okay again but there's always that lingering thought of until when? It's so terrible to feel this way and I need every courage I can muster to face this each passing day.

Hold

 So it wasn't my worst fear but trying to contain happiness because what if this is a red herring? What if we are being misguided? Right now the usual sign of discomfort is there so I have to be mindful of what i I feel, of what to expect because complacency is  dangerous

Wish It Wasn't

 Well, it has begun and tomorrow it will be confirmed. I'm afraid. I need to keep myself together for what will happen tomorrow. Maybe I'm just thinking so negatively yet again. But the signs are there, one can't miss it. Or maybe I'm overthinking things like I usually do. But I can't contain this nagging feeling I have. 

Ticking

 Knowing what I know, or what I think I know, is honestly so hard. When something is something positive I'm holding back because of that. I can't be fully happy about it because of what's gonna happen next. I really hope my pessimism will not manifest into the truth but I just can't help but feel that it is. I'm trying to think how I will handle this. I don't want to add panic but I don't want to encourage false hopes. I have this idealized situation but not really ideal because it is what I feel is the most comfortable option in an undesirable situation which isn't good news. I'm just trying to cope earlier with what's coming.  But can't it no be true for once? Please.

It is..

 ... what it is. While I prepared for a result like this, it still stresses me out. But there's really nothing I can do anymore but just wait and see. I need to appear to be strong despite breaking inside each day. Just temporary reprieves but the inevitable will come soon enough. I try not to think about it but what I can do really? The thoughts will always cross my mind. I don't want to give up but fighting is hard. I'm ashamed of how many times I think that it would be easier if it just happens. But I know it's just the exhausted me talking and I don't really mean it. But still, it hurts so much when I think of the gloomy picture. The best that I can really do is just not be an added problem. To appear to be stable and calm despite everything chaotic going on inside my mind. 

401

 Just finished writing this dubbing script for a teen sitcom! I love writing for it because I love comedies. It's so fun working on this one that I found myself laughing every now than while I was translating/writing. Although I admit it was a challenge to localize some of the jokes, especially the sex jokes. I mean direct translation would just sound crass and is not the intended type of humor! Hopefully, I was able to pull this off and the dubbers would have a blast delivering my translated jokes and puns!

Easy Choice

 Yeah, whatever I was thinking of doing tomorrow will have to take the backseat. Priorities first. Yeah in a way it sucks I don't have the luxury to do things that I really want but my rational self won. This is just a more important thing. I have to look after their welfare. It needs to be done. 

Will or Will Not

 I have something on Friday that I'm not sure if I'll pursue or not. It's not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things but it's something in line with my interest and something I haven't done since well pre-pandemic times. But there's a conflict if I pursue which if I think more about it's something workable but I will just face things that will be frankly a hassle. I have whole day to think about what I should do, go do it and have some fun or be safe and practical

Palm

 So I've witnessed once again a reminder that things are still not okay. That my worst fears can still happen. Truth be told, I'm exhausted but I can't give up. 

Thirty Five

 35 today. Thank you to all those who greeted me. The one thing I'm trying to avoid as I grow older is romanticizing the past. I'm a sentimental person so it's not that easy but I've come to realize that nostalgia can sometimes cloud how you see things in the present and even the future too.  Don't get me wrong I think it's totally fine to have nostalgia trips every now and then but we do often fall into the trap of just remembering the "good highlights" and conveniently forgetting the not-so-good things. Sometimes what worked before is just not applicable today anymore. Learn from the past but also learn to adapt.

Mid 30s

 Turning 35 in a few hours and it's a mixed bag. Of course, happy I'm reaching this age generally OK! But of course, growing old always will make you think of how your life has been. I do feel my age now but sometimes there are moments where I feel I'm still not adult enough especially thinking where my parents/siblings were at this age. But you know what I'm glad I was able to overcome everything that I have been through especially the very tough last three years or so. I honestly don't what to feel and expect from life anymore. I just want things to be okay and less stressful moments in life. Of course that's impossible but let me dream for a moment. 

DRAMA

 Today I worked on the tagalized dubbing script for the final episode of a Korean show currently airing on local TV right now. This is not due for another two weeks but I love writing finale episodes and I requested the dubbing coordinator if I could write this one! I'm almost finished actually, just one scene left! It's a little tough because it's a long one stating a legal sentence! But really enjoyed writing this finale because I get to write overdramatic lines like "May nagmamay-ari ng puso at hindi ako yun" and "mas gugustuhin ko mawala siya sa piling ko kung mas sasaya siya na wala ako"! It's a melodrama so I have the license to write this way! I really enjoyed it a lot! 

Studios

 The new office shirt was released today! Our first one in many years. Our company has actually rebranded adding "studios" to its name hence a new shirt to reflect the change!

Ber

To be honest, I'm so over Jose Mari Chan jokes whenever September starts but I don't say it to anyone because you know I don't wanna be that person who thinks trivial things like that so seriously.  Yeah, let them have their fun I guess. But really the joke has run its course, just the same punchlines! Oh well, I do really hope this upcoming holiday season will be kind to us. 

Phasing

I'm really enjoying an upcoming season of a TV show that we're currently dubbing. I made it a big priority to check and improve the dubbing scripts of this show because the story is so riveting. I wrote the dubbing script for the season finale and it has an open-ended ending I hope it gets renewed not just because it's our project but I want to see more of this show and see how it will end!

,

So yeah the thing I was nervous about has been delayed for a few more days. I don't know what to feel about that. I'm the type of person that wants to do everything as soon as possible but I will just have to wait. Hoping and praying for a favorable outcome. I'll try not to stress about it in the meantime. 

Alleviate

 Working in the office on a holiday and I really like it. It just feels more relaxed already and for some reason, I'm more productive too when there's a sense of calm. But as always there's something inside me bothered about something else. It's a recurring feel and yet I never get used to it. I want to completely surrender everything but I feel ashamed because there's still that fighting spirit that I must take note of and also get my strength too. Here it goes again but hey I need to remind myself about how despite everything that has happened, we always survive. Lord give me strength.

Branches

 So happy I was able to finish the dubbing script of an upcoming Christmas movie! Well, to be honest, it was 't really the christmasy movie I was hoping for. The story really could have happened on a regular time. It was really more of a character drama which is still right up in my alley. While I struggled to start this, once I was able to get to the big monologue parts, I really enjoyed translating it! The big declaration of love, in the end, was such a treat to translate! I'm excited when this comes out and hopefully my dubbing script will translate well on screen!

Stalling

I had a goal today but didn't really do that well because well I got lazy! I guess I can afford to be lazy because this task isn't immediately due but I really want to finish this as soon as possible. I'll try again tomorrow! I want to finish this project because I want to move to other projects that I find exciting! But I have to finish this first so hopefully more progress for me tomorrow!

Holding on

 Everything is really fragile. I can't be complacent because the threat of it happening again is pretty much present. I'm scared but also trying to be relaxed about it. Maybe a little resigned as well? I don't know what to exactly feel but the last thing I need to be is the person that will add more negative energy. 

Breather

 A little laid back for me today. Still productive but not as productive as I was the past 2 days.  It's a mix of feeling a little lazy and also giving myself some pause because overdoing things will hurt and I can produce better output at full capacity. Yesterday, I also felt I was gonna get sick but thankfully it didn't happen. So yeah maybe a little relaxed day was nice. Anyway, hopefully I'm back to full capacity tomorrow so I can more things done

Season

Currently writing a dubbing script for a Christmas movie and I'm loving it so far! It's an upcoming release so excited when this comes out! It's September next week so yeah 'tis the season! I really hope our upcoming holidays will be stress-free. Praying for it hard. 

Divert

Rainy weather today and such a good time to actually chill but I really had a lot of things to do today, especially catching up with work that got delayed because of last week's major dilemma. So far things are looking okay but I'm always worried though. But I'm trying not to let it overwhelm me again. It's so emotionally exhausting. I need to relax and trust things will be better. Now, I'm focusing my energy on work again because hey it is  good to be distracted while also being productive!

First Day

 So my nephew's first day in face-to-face classes after 2 years was today and I asked him how was it and he had a very nonchalant response! Well, typical teen but I do hope he will adjust well and the school environment will be good for him as well. He is smart but the past 2 years definitely affected his drive for academics and also socially speaking as well outside of his Roblox online friends. High school is such a crucial time and I hope he finds a good spot as he enters this stage even if it was delayed for two years.

Back to School

 My nephew is in Grade 9 but tomorrow is his first day in face-to-face high school. It's his first time to be in a new school too. The last time he was inside a physical classroom was when he was just 11 and now he's 14. Major adjustments and I hope it works out well for him. I'm quite excited for him!

Home

 After a very torturous week, I breathe a sigh of relief today. I'm still very much scared that this wouldn't last and we go back again to the cycle of endless uncertainty and non-stop fears but for now, I thank God, that the worst fear that I was starting to accept didn't happen. Please Lord, let this last longer. 

Blur

 My mind has been so preoccupied the past week that right now I feel so confused about what to do next. There are a million things I NEED to accomplish but the timing is just not right. I can't function but I need to make it work. For my sanity as well. 

Maybe

 So perhaps it wasn't really what I feared and it was just something to shake our consciousness. But for now, I'm managing my expectations. I went through so much hell in my mind where I basically made myself so miserable. It isn't over yet but things, hopefully, are turning around. Please give me this to us Lord.

Disoriented

 I hate to feel this way, that now I prefer the sadder option because if this continues it is basically just one big hell for all of us. Maybe there's still hope but I feel scared. Not gonna lie I'm questioning everything about why this happening and how it has gotten worst that surpasses even my worst fears. Maybe we deserve it. Or do I deserve it? My mind is spiraling and keeping it together is harder than usual but please Lord listen to my prayer. I beg you

Mistake

 So yeah it's pretty clear, that we made a mistake. In the back of my head, I knew this was a possibility but I was hoping it wasn't because it was the easier choice but nope fate slapped us back and now we are in the worst-case scenario. A nightmare. And I don't know what to do next, 

Standing on the Edge

 Here it goes again. I'm totally worried but there's nothing I can do. I'm half-accepting. I'm half in denial. It's just waiting to see if the light of hope beams again or it's total darkness. I feel numb in some ways, I feel tired too which I feel so guilty about but what I can do this is what I feel. I want to let go but maybe I'm just being the defeatist I usually am. I'm questioning so many things in life right now. It's the stress or maybe a feeling that has been buried down ever since where I was just afraid to acknowledge, I'm at this point where I just wait and see, embracing the worst-case scenario like I usually do.  Let it be.

No Escape

 Yeah, I was a fool to think it will miraculously go away. What's inevitable will happen and I really hope I can handle this so much better than I did before. I knew it. Things just don't work out for me. It never does. I'm always worried for a reason. 

Alert

 Anxiety. I wish I could escape from this for real. But it isn't the case. It's so hard to be enslaved by this. It's driving me insane. But I need to remind myself of what happened 2 weeks ago to put me back in my proper place. I need to be strong. I need to be brave. I need to calm down. 

Cardo

Tonight was the finale of the long-running teleserye Ang Probinsyano. I was not really a regular viewer but an intermittent one, watched the big episodes! Anyway. I've always been fascinated with this show's success and how people are so into it. My nephew was just 7 years old when this started. I remember the show that Ang Probinsyano replaced was the teleserye about the angel Nathaniel which was his favorite too. He watched the finale on YouTube while live commenting with his friends on Discord. They were making fun of it like how teens do but still fascinating how the show is a time capsule of sort. So long Cardo, what a Pinop Pop Culture icon

Oil

 Last time I did something for myself something awful followed. It is a coincidence my mind says and yet I felt like I was punished and was reminded of how things are. It took me a few more weeks to do it again just because I was scared irrational it may seem. I did it again because there is a need for it actually. But please nothing bad next . 

Flying

 So a college classmate's daughter is about to enter her first year in college now!!! Granted, she had her early but still, nothing could make you feel so older but knowing that fact of life! My nephew is entering Grade 9 too as well. Time flies. I won't get sick of saying that. Sometimes, you just don't know notice how things have changed until there's something that will shake your system like finding out people my age can have college-bound children now!

Sagisag

 

Live newsroom production back in college!  Looking back, very proud of my group, some of the news items we covered were hardcore for third-year college students! Good thing I was a writer here so no TV on-cam participation. I remember holding the manila paper of the script! How old school hahah! Oh well, I stumbled upon this video uploaded by my classmate who edited this project. It's nice to travel back in time when school stuff like this were my only source of stress!!!!