Reverberate

It's getting tricky to plan some things because there's always fear at the back of my head of a nightmare coming back. I easily get scared now and not just me. Yesterday's outburst post was due to that actually. While things got ok as it usually does but the effect still lingers. Oh Dear Lord, please let my fears not happpen. 

Terrible

 Always on the receiving end of stressful situations. I want to shout and say I'm suffering so much internally already so I don't need the negativity right now. That's the last thing I need now. If you really care about other people's welfare what about thinking about what other people are feeling while you have your meltdown and blame someone who did nothing but make personal sacrifices for all your convenience? I would if I can but I know better that unlike on TV, people baring their heart out does not really lead to quick solutions.  It does not lead to realizations but instead will be taken out of context to put it against you. I don't deserve to be treated this way and maybe someday you will realize the things you have done to me and how broken I am for so long. I made my peace with it and tried not to blame others for my own frustrations but moments like this make it so difficult 

Spent

 It's so challenging to balance my work things and family matters. Like after I did errands, I was dead set to focus on finishing up this dubbing script and things were going well but some tension happened that I needed to sort out. It's so difficult to deal with this, what should I do first? It ruins my momentum too. But well I have no choice but to fix things and pacify everything.  But I reminded myself where we were a week ago to put things in perspective. I'm spent but still at least it's not the worst case scenario, I need to remind myself whenever things like this happen. 

Training

So far handling juggling so multiple work things good. Still on track. Hopefully, I can finish this one dubbing script tomorrow, a day before its deadline. If there are no distractions or I don't get lazy I think I can do it! I also have dubbing scripts to check too which I'm aiming to do on Sunday. I was glad to know the one person I was training had good feedback for her first script that was dubbed this week. She's a new graduate who is the niece of one of the admins. She's an honor student and it showed actually. Hard worker and does things on time. I do hope the way I trained her online also helped! I did want to be a teacher before especially for college and maybe I still can someday but currently, I don't have the drive nor the money to take a Master's Degree. But who knows someday, not closing doors.

Holidays

I began working on this Christmas movie dubbing script and it gave me the holiday vibe already! I really hope and pray our holidays this year will be festive and stress-free! It's so me that I always think what could go wrong immediately after thinking of something happy.  Anyway, this dubbing script is not yet due anytime soon and I have other scripts that I needed to finish first but I decided to work on this already, at least have a start because I think it will boost my mood. Anyway, I plan to do a few minutes each night or two. 

Full Plate

Hectic days ahead. Two dubbing scripts to finish plus checking some dubbing scripts done by others too. I was busy the past 3 days doing QC for two shows as well as editing episodes for the cable channel. We have new shows launching next month as well but good thing my video editor is handling that perfectly well. Traffic going home is quite bad these days because there's some road fixing going on as always! I can't help but feel so much time wasted when I could be more productive really! 

My load could have been lighter if I was able to do some things last weekend but it was an emotionally exhausting weekend so I was not able to do something productive. But hey remembering those terrible days is making me feel even more thankful how the past few days have been stable and less stressful. I hope please Lord let it stay that way. 

Squid!

 The Filipino-dubbed version of SQUID GAME is now out on Netflix! It's been great to be part of the dubbing team for this project!

Calm

 After a rollercoaster of emotions the past 4 days, today has been good thank God. Hopefully, it will stay that way. My faith definitely was shaken and challenged and I admit I felt like giving up but I cling on to hope for whatever little it may have. I still feel nervous that I don't want to be complacent like before but I really hope that challenging period has ended and we are truly on the road to recovery.

Torn

 I'm in this state of accepting the inevitable but still feeling frustrated about how it is going on. I keep talking to myself in between acceptance and still clinging to hope. I hate myself for thinking maybe I'm being a bad person for thinking the worst while the others are seeing hope it could turn things around. Am I just being realistic or just being a nasty person for thinking the worst already? I feel like shutting down really. But I can't give up, even if there are times I really want to, but no I can't. There must be something that could pivot what's happening now. Maybe. Oh please Lord there should be.

Bended Knee

 Another close call today and I'm emotionally exhausted. But still thankful for the miracle. I hope please Lord let this blessing continue and hear our prayer. I'm still scared but glad it still didn't happen despite already preparing myself for the worst. But how many times will we have this scenario? Please Lord, hear our prayer

Vulnerable

 We almost lost today. I was quite convinced that this was it. But thankfully by some miracle, it wasn't. Still, the danger is there. I will still be scared each day but yes for now I'm thankful to God that this wasn't the day. And I hope it won't come soon enough. Please no. 

Struggling Never Stops

 Another panic-inducing episode earlier this morning. I was ready to let go, to be honest. Because I was just so afraid that I felt I just need to face the music now. Of course, it's not over yet. Thank God. But the struggle will continue for sure. Lord give me strength. 

Lindol

So yeah experienced the earthquake earlier while I was at the office. Being on the 20th floor did worry me a little since the shaking was longer than I usually feel but thankfully I managed to stay calm and went to work after things got settled but the big boss sent us home before lunch just to be safe. To be honest, most of us were hesitant to leave work because of the many stuff we need to do but, of course, we appreciate the concern of the boss. We just have to maximize tomorrow for all those things that got delayed.  Watching the news now and there's severe damage up north and my heart goes to them. 

Moving

Two people I know moved overseas recently. I didn't ask but I felt last May was the tipping point. I get it. And to be honest, a little envious. It was never my dream to be away from this country, from my family. I'm your type of person who loves his comfort zone. But recent events just made me feel so trapped. I hate to feel this way but it's the truth.  I hate to be all-gloom-and-doom so I'm just avoiding thinking it through. There's nothing I can do anyway.

I Ain't Worried

 So I was listening to this song on repeat on my way to work and back home. Yes, just one song during those two hours. It's such a fun song to listen to really. I love the whistle part. And maybe subconsciously I want that kind of vibe in my life

Way too busy for them problems  and problems to feel, yeah, yeah

No stressing, just obsessing with sealing the deal

I'll take it in and let it go

But I ain't worried about it right now 

For Once

 I've been dealing with things, trying to be brave but I'm really scared of everything. A while ago I said no because I feel like some are only taking the first steps but the one they are pushing to face the more stressful stuff is me. Always me. Can you take this one for once? I've been living with so much mental and emotional torture now. What about trying to help to carry the burden for once? I didn't even want this to happen but I acknowledge that I'm letting fear and it's not the best use of judgment.  I'm so confused and scared really. Everything is just so fragile. 

Looking back

 It's been a year since our lives have changed forever but still thankful that we survived that ordeal. It is still far from over and I'm constantly nervous but I'm thankful each day. I really hope there will be no more nightmares, I can deal with challenges of course but I really hope and pray things will get better and some of my worries will not happen. Please God

Alice

 Thrilled to see one of the series we dubbed finally out on Netflix! The Filipino-dubbed ALICE IN BORDERLAND is now available on the platform! I didn't write a dubbing script for this one but just edited the dubbing scripts and did a quality check after it was dubbed.  

Standing

 Some new projects are coming up and this is good for me so I can focus my mind on them rather than trapping myself in endless dread. I need to calm myself down internally because outside I look so okay. I don't want to let them feel what I truly feel because it would just add a problem to an already stressful situation. The things that are bothering me are beyond what I can handle but I have no choice but deal with matters at hand the best way I can. God help me please.

Advance

 I'm having a hard time focusing because of recent events in my life,. It's so difficult to act normal when you feel so devastated inside. My mind is jumping to the worst-case scenario even if I try to contain my emotions. I have to be tough I keep telling myself but it's just so hard. I knew I can't really be happy. 

No Escape

 Yeah, the reality is hitting me again.  There's no escaping from it. I have to be brave but I am so afraid of what is coming. But it is what it is. I just have to be as calm as possible and not have a breakdown because there's no room for that, But Lord please, can this fear of mine just stay as paranoia and not come to fruition? Please.

Maverick

 I went random today and watched Top Gun: Maverick in a theater. The box office success made me curious. It was alright. I mean, the air fighter sequences were amazing but I just didn't connect with it that much. There was just me and a couple in the cinema though and maybe my moviegoing experience would have been better if I saw it with a giving crowd. Oh well!

Early Panic

 I was woken very early today because of a family health situation that really worried us so much. Thankfully, it wasn't what I was thinking because my mind could go to such lengths. I hope and pray that this won't happen again. What I realized though is that I should never really be complacent. Never.

Boo!

 I'm currently working on a dubbing script for an upcoming family Halloween streaming movie! Since it is for kids, it's quite light to write (so far!) and it's a nice breather because I've been writing dubbing scripts for melodramas and a very wordy thriller series for the past few weeks! Also since this is a yet-to-be-released movie, it's just exciting to be one of the first to see it! That's why I really enjoy doing this kind of work! It takes a lot of my time but it's worth it!

Beached Whale

 The Netflix Original movie PERSUASION is now out! And we did the Filipino dubbing for it! It's my first project for a new Netflix title since the others were already out on the platform. I have another upcoming Netflix movie that I translated myself that was dubbed this week and it was a dubbing script I really worked hard on so excited when it finally comes out sometime this year. Anyway. back to Persuasion. I say my main contribution to this is translating "Frederick Wentworth rescues a beached whale as onlookers weep"  to "Bumaha ng luha sa pagligtas ni Frederick Wentworth sa balyenang napadpad sa aplaya". It took me a long time to figure out how to translate it properly and capture the essence! 

Self

Planning to do something to take my mind off things that make me so anxious. I hope it works even for just temporary relief.  I need it badly, to be honest. I know it won't solve anything in the long run but hoping for at least a few moments I can have an escape from things that are imprisoning me. If it works out maybe I can do this as a regular escape from reality. I'm not totally hiding because I know it's not the way to go, I just want to cool off and recharge so I can face life's challenges with a better mindset and not just resort to endless despair. I hope it works!

Cyclical

I wish I can stop myself from being bothered by things that I really have no control over. Right now, all I can do is just wait until everything cools off but I wish it was sooner so I can go on my usual route. But here's the thing, I have to be patient and let things happen at their natural course but it really is proving to be a big challenge to me each time it happens. Yes, it's a recurrent thing but my reaction when it happens is basically the same. 

Can

 A friend and I had a chat earlier about money can truly buy happiness! Yes, I agree so much! While I get it in a metaphorical sense but practically speaking money can really make you happy! I think some who say otherwise were born with a silver spoon so they don't get the struggle! I know I'm a little judgmental with what I typed earlier but it is kind of annoying when some people are totally clueless about the working class struggles!

Again and again

 Another night where my patience is being tested. Facing people's mood swings and irrational impulses. I'm so frustrated but doing my best to handle everything as calmly as possible. Trying my best not to panic and take it out on them. I gotta be patient and just allow things to blow off. But man the things running through my head right now. I feel like I'm going nuts. I bought something more than my allotted budget for it and now I feel like I'm being tested. I can't have nice things it seems.

Clearing

 The new mayor in our town ended a two-decade family dynasty here. Expectations are quite high but early on he is making his mark by doing the most obvious and easily felt change which is road clearing in the main area of our barangay. It is so strict! To be honest, I don't know what to feel. I like the idea of discipline but I'm a bit wary if this is all surface-level changes. But then again too early to judge. I will remain hopeful for now. 

Brand New

 So I finally gave in and bought myself a new laptop! It's so good but most importantly it comes in with a licensed lifetime Microsoft Office! Yeah, that was my problem with the secondhand laptop I bought! I didn't realize that the MS Office it had was not genuine so yeah it was expiring in a few weeks and since I have no product code or something it will be basically useless!  The laptop I bought is quite above the budget I intended for it because it comes in with the licensed MS Office but I just said to myself well it's time for me to not be stingy anymore and just dive in because having a working laptop is an essential need right now for my work! And you know what I have no regrets, I will work hard to get the money I spent here back into my savings but it really feels good to finally have a good laptop to use! I've been dealing with crappy laptops for the last 4 years because I wanted to save money! It was a terrible move really looking back. It's quite a miracle that I was able to make things work and still did my job during the pandemic era! But now with a really good laptop, I can be more productive than ever. For example, just a while ago I was able to make good progress with a dubbing script that I will be able to finish it by tomorrow, a few days before the deadline! 

Accident

 So the building where I work is in the news because of a tragic elevator accident where two maintenance people passed away. It's not the elevator that we use, it's on the other side, but still quite scary to think. When I went down, the people inside the elevator were making nervous jokes. In an odd way, it relaxes you somehow. On my way back to the building, the guard stopped me because he thought I was a reporter! Yes, I have a broadcast journalism degree but nope not a reporter! When I got home I saw it being reported live on TV and I now fully understood what went happened. It's really sad. Rest in peace to the two men who lost their lives today.

Queue

Another balancing act for me this weekend as I need to finish two dubbing scripts while also assisting a new freelance writer who is training to be a dubbing script writer at home. I made a point to finish all my channel coordinator tasks today so I can focus on my writing tasks! I hope I can finish one script or at least be close to finishing tomorrow

Browsing

 Checking out laptops again. While this secondhand laptop I bought last year has been quite useful to me for work duties, I admit that it has a lot of limitations that will soon be a challenge on its functionalities . Now I'm thinking if it's time for me to buy a brand new one now.  I have savings but to be honest I'm quite hesitant to use it because I worry I might need it for some emergency. Here I go again. I wish this wasn't such a hard choice to make.

Hats

Just finished another long day of work of doing multiple things: QC, scripting, and scheduling but of course, this is something I really feel fulfilled to be doing! I love to be this busy by doing things I truly like and in my element. Of course, I didn't give my all and still gave myself some space to breathe because I think one can function properly if there's enough rest to give yourself a reboot of some sorts! Anyway, off to sleep!

Not Quite

 So I tried a new route on my commute back home and well it was a failed experiment as it took longer it should! But well I guess it's good to try than just wonder! I still have another possible route to try, maybe tomorrow or the next day. I'm just want alternatives for just in case situations. Sometimes I feel we're back to normal but it still isn't really. The cases are rising again though but unlike before I don't feel that anxious anymore especially hospitalizations are low. It's part of life now and I do hope one day we won't need to count them anymore

Gut

 My worst fear didn't happen thank God but still to be cautious. I will always be alert and frankly scared but for now I can breathe after stressing myself the past few days. With a clear head I can plan better for what could be next. I need to make the right choice while thinking a lot of factors in. But admittedly my fear is probably clouding my judgment. So please Dear Lord help me, guide me. 

Please, Please, Please

My head is a mess right now while on the outside I looked perfectly normal. This is just driving me so anxious that I'm torn whether I want this to get over with or I want to remain it a mystery, ignorance is bliss as they say. I know that this is essential and I just have to face it. I have to be strong if my my fear actually happens because I can't afford not to do so. Oh Dear Lord, I'm so scared. Please hear my prayer. 

W.O.W

 My weekend of worry begins. Trying my best to relax although I feel like I'm seeing signs that it will lead to what I fear most. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it. Seeing something when there is none. I'm just terribly afraid that when I had moments of happiness earlier I reminded myself quickly that I couldn't do it yet. There's still something pending freaking me out inside. Oh Dear Lord please hear my prayer

13

Tomorrow will be my 13th year with the company! This has been the busiest 6 months at work in such a long time. It's a good thing and I hope the blessings continue. Last year was shaky so I'm glad things are turning around! I had so many ups and down here but I survived. I found a home here to be honest and that's why I'm still here

Pollution

 So earlier in the jeep, I saw someone who was placing his phone directly to his ear so he can hear a video he is watching! All he needed was earphones or at the least wait until he is in the office or somewhere, I dunno, private and watch the video which I don't think it's really urgent because what we all heard in the jeep are some dance tunes! Is it really that urgent? Also at the elevator, I was with someone watching a vlog, with no earphones of course, and what he was watching was full of profanity! Yeah, inside an elevator a person watching cursed-laden vlog without care to other people!

Thin Line

 So about to finish work now! I didn't have to work this long but I want to. It's making me forget this dread I'm feeling although not totally because it still sneaks in from time to time. I've been expecting it to feel this way but nevertheless, it just feels so tiring but what can I do, it is what it is. Staying hopeful while fearing the worst is so conflicting that I don't know if I'm handling this the best that I could. I really hope so. Oh God, please I won't stop praying that this fear I have is not gonna happen. Please...

Ears

My pet peeve these days while commuting is people not using earphones when they watch something on their phone or even when they talk to other people via video chat! Is this an effect of the pandemic, people are just used to ii because they do it at home all the time? It annoys me really, I don't want to hear what you are watching!  Especially if what they are watching is questionable nature! That's why I really need to have earphone these days so I can block all these unnecessary noises!
! 

A week from now...

It's gonna be a torturous week as I will be haunted by fear of what could happen. It will be taking turns of staying hopeful and dreading a bad result. I don't want to be complacent but I don't want to be this anxious as well. Oh Dear Lord, please let my fears not happen.

Coward

 Anxiety rising yet again. On top of the lingering personal problem I made the mistake of checking out what's going on in the world. Yeah, it just made me even feel worried and scared than usual. My sense of curiosity has led me to do this. I did dream of becoming a journalist but yeah I wasn't build to do it. Not brave enough.

Tropical

 I have packed lunch so I rarely go out of the office especially in this new one where we are at the 20th floor. I had to buy something earlier at Mercury Drug and there I finally saw the viral effect on the nearby Tropical Hut, it was jampacked! During the mornings and afternoon when I pass by it, there are not many people so I was wondering when their "it" status online gonna reflect in the branch here. It turns out pag lunch pala!Unlike other people, I prefer that they don't renovate! As long as it's clean (and it is!), it's fine by me. I like seeing something that looks and feels classic!

Fear on Routine

 Here I go again, going so paranoid again. One moment things will be fine then another moment anxiety attacks that prevent me from being complacent. Thinking of worst-case scenarios and how I can handle it, hopefully, as calmly as possible. If it only involves me, I can deal it on my own but other people will be affected. Lord, please hear my prayer.

Sew

 I had a pants emergency today hahaha! It has given up on me although good thing I have a needle and thread pack I bought on 7-11 so I had a temporary fix. But I do need to buy new pants. I haven't bought in a while. It's a little difficult to find something when you are fat like me! But anyway, I was still able to manage!

Done!

Just finished doing today's work! And I edited A LOT today. QC of three dubbed episodes completed a dubbing script, rendered 10 episodes of two shows for airing on the channel, and revised schedule grids! Some of the tasks are not really urgent but I wanted to finish it today so I can have a more flexible next three days of work. I want to do things before the deadline, and I want to avoid cramming. Better do things as early as possible despite the heavier load task than to rush things off!

EMV

 So I got my captured ATM card back today and while it is still working the bank staff told me that my card is an old model and that I need to request for a new one. Thankfully, since it will be my first replacement under the new model then it is free of charge! I will just have to wait for a week though but hey at least it isn't the stress-inducing hassle I thought it was a couple of days ago

Pick it Up

 Very pleased I was able to finish the dubbing script of this TV show I was working the past few days. It's quite difficult but it's kind of challenge I like because I'm engrossed with the show! There was a scene where I had to translate a character doing spoken word poetry and then a homeless man singing a nonsensical song that eventually became important between the characters. I hope the dubbing of this will be good although I already foresee it will be harder to dub than normal especially the lead character! 

***

Today is Father's Day and we were so full today because of the food my siblings prepared then they ordered some other too. However, Tatay received news that a close relative passed away. Oh life. 

Sayo

 I was working on this dubbing script that was really quite hard! It's narration-driven with a lot of quick wit and snappy quips that's a challenge to translate especially some of culture-driven metaphors and one-liners that were said.. I'm halfway done today and hoping to finish it tomorrow. It's challenging but really interesting to do I can try to finish it tonight but I'm quite sleepy already and I need my full attention to work on this. 

Retrieve

 So yeah I was a little overdramatic yesterday with what happened to my ATM card. I was able to talk to them again earlier and they were more reassuring and easy to talk. Too bad when they finally were able to open the machine and retrieve my card, I was already on the bus home when they texted.. The staff I texted suggested that I should have the ATM card replaced with their new design now. I don't think it's really necessary but you see I don't think it's bad idea to have the card replaced though. I'll just figure it out on Monday

Unnecessary Hassle

 I deposited some money in my BPI ATM only account using their deposit machine. I did it before and never had any problem until today where transaction but when I was waiting for my ATM card to come out, the machine crashed leaving ATM stuck there! I panicked a little because I just deposited some money and this has never happened to me! The staff tried to be helpful but she was so not reassuring! She asked for my number so they will contact once the people that takes out the cash on the machine, they will get my ATM back and just text me. But she she said they are not sure if those people will arrive tomorrow! She just wrote my name and contact details on a small sheet of paper and she gave me her number too but I don't know I kept asking how can I feel assured with this because the way she speaks made me wary like she barely cares or quite nervous to handle it too. But then she suggested that I just withdraw the money on my ATM over the counter. Now that was the best help she can do and I did exactly that! I withdraw the money I have on it since it's not really much because this BPI ATM is not my savings account but more of a digital wallet which serves as my backup money in case of any urgent need. I left a little over 100 there on the ATM. I was thinking on my way home why didn't they suggest that I just get another ATM card and they just invalidate the one that got stuck on that cursed machine? Why do I just have to wait for them to text me or I just follow it up? I'll just do that tomorrow and go back to that branch so I just get another ATM card but then the thought of I have to pay a replacement card fee annoys me because it isn't my fault their machine was faulty? Ugh, all I wanted was to keep some of my money and this is what I get.

Steps

 So earlier I thought I was taking a shortcut but nope I ended up on a long journey ahead to my destination. Sometimes you really just have to be straight to the point to get things done. Avoid unnecessary things that will complicate your life more than it should be! Anyway, I have something that I really worked hard and now have to carefully what to do next!  I need to think it over so whatever I will use it for will be beneficial for me in the long run. But I'm really more driven now because of that and I hope some of my other worries will not happen so I can breathe even for few months.

31

 Relieved that one of the things that was stressing me a little was settled today. I hope the other things I'm worrying about lately will also be settled favorably soon. It's so me that in a day that I received nice things, I still end up thinking I should not be completely happy because of others looming! But anyway, what I got today is the fruit of very hard work I did this year! Thank you Lord!

School Over

 My nephew's elementary school, a small one located here in our subdivision, has closed down after 2 years of struggling to make it work in the pandemic. It is the 4th private school that I know that closed in the last 2 years. Small private schools are a big casualty of the pandemic. And I feel they are a big loss to the country's  quality of education. They target middle class families which at least helps lessen the overpopulation in public schools. Smaller class sizes help facilitate learning too. I haven't been thinking about the pandemic lately but this is just a reminder how it has affected our life so much. 

Stop

 Everytime I get excited or happy about something I automatically remind myself not to be too happy because of some impending thing that could be a cause for worry. I can't help but think this way. Oh Dear Lord, please hear my prayer that this worry I have won't happen. But in case it does please help me have the courage to not to have inner meltdown and not think straight. But please Lord don't let my fear happen. Please.

Fortuna

 Today I finished first on the three dubbing scripts on deck. A day ahead of the deadline. I have another due Wednesday and the third one next Sunday. Goals for both scripts is for me to finished them a day early and 1/3 so so far. Hoping to keep that momentum. This script I finished today is the finale of a Mexican telenovela and usually they always the title of the show mentioned on the finale and the translated English title is sometimes quite different from the original Mexican title which is the case for this show I translated for but not different in context but just the phrasing is different. It was quite fun how I was able to work the title to the English dubbing script though! Hopefully it won't nixed when it's dubbed next week!

No More

Mentally planning the things I need to finish in the next two weeks. Quite a lot again with three dubbing scripts then of course I still have QC and channel stuff to do but I will manage this, just needs careful planning ahead. I've said it a lot of times but it's worth repeating how this has really helped me escape from my anxieties. I've been minimizing my exposure on social media because it could get addictive to scroll endlessly then I will find something that will alarm/frustrate/scare me. I have no more mental energy left for it. . 

Tinges

 Another day at work where I did a LOT of things! And so many things again to finish tomorrow as well!  But to be honest, it's a good escape for me especially now when there are matters stressing me out quite frequently. It never stops really, these tinges of horror always creep in. Plus, there are recurring issues that I wish I can just ignore and pretend it is not happening but I can't. So keeping my mind busy with so many things to do is honestly for the better

Chatty

 I was seated beside a lady who commuted via that particular bus route for the first time since the pandemic began. She had a lot of questions and I answered everything. She was really bewildered but she was quite nice so I engaged with the little chit-chat we had from how Ayala's atmosphere has changed with less people on the streets, her work from home experience, her child's online class experience and a lot of things we faced in the pandemic. I was cautious though in case the conversation goes political because I would definitely change the topic even if we voted for the same person because I'm just not in the mood talk about politics these days. Good thing it wasn't the case! Thanks to that chat I didn't notice how terrible the traffic was earlier., I do love hearing stories from people about their lives. 

Tease

 The Filipino-dubbed version of this Locke & Key Season 3 teaser is now out on Netflix Philippines!

P.S

A bit of a rough day at work but hey seeing my name in the credits for To All The Boys: P.S I Love You is a nice treat! Yup, I'm savoring my double credit as translator and adapter! I still have one movie dubbing script I wrote but it hasn't been dubbed yet because the movie is set to be released I think by the end of the year. These projects are quite hard due to some logistics but I'm just happy to see my name in the credits of a major media platform so it keeps me going. Small thing in the bigger picture and I will eventually stop being fascinated about it but for now, I'm thrilled! 

 

Cycle

 It's getting near again. The time where my anxiety goes through the roof. It's basically me getting scared of something that needs to be checked routinely. This will never go away I'm afraid so. I try my best hiding how I'm afraid I am during this time. Oh Dear Lord please don't let my worst fears happen

Yes!

 So I spent my Saturday afternoon watching the Filipino-dubbed version of this movie that we worked on that is now out on streaming 

Pre-13 Thoughts

 Another jam-packed week at work but while it's quite stressful at times but I do really enjoying doing a work that involves media production particularly television. Part of the reason why I've been in the same company for nearly 13 years is because despite the not-so high salary, I do really enjoy the work. It might not what I envisioned myself when I was a teen but this is a job I stumbled upon and manage to learn the special skill needed it for it along the way.  I was able to write for TV and manage a TV channel operation, of course not in the traditional sense but still I felt like this is like the perfect fit for me especially considering my family obligations too. Do I wish I was able to correct some decisions I made in the past? Definitely but while the lessons from past mistakes will always be in me, it's me doing things one day at a time while planning ahead the best way I can. 

Spongebob!

 The Spongebob Movie: Sponge on the Run is now available in Filipino audio in Netflix!

As a Spongebob fan, happy to be part of this project.  My proudest contribution to the dubbing script is Patrick saying "libreng chibog!"

Borders

 Just finished doing half of a very tedious work task! It's quite difficult to do because it's a bit messy and I have to work on it again to ensure everything is covered. Deadline is tight these past few weeks but at least the next few weeks will be lighter in load!

Solo

 To All The Boys: P.S I Love You now available in Filipino audio on Netflix. This is the first movie I translated  for dubbing by myself. ! I have written dubbing scripts for a movie but it was with other writers too because writing movie dubbing scripts takes a lot more time and that time deadline were tight so it had to be done quicker! I enjoyed writing the dubbing script for this because it was so light and romantic so it gave nice fuzzy feelings! The credits for the Filipino dubbed version is not up yet so a little bit bummed I can't brag it just yet hahaha!

Nice!

 Received an unexpected family blessing today and it's a nice treat after a rough weekend! I hope and pray this is a start of more happier stuff on our way or at the very least my worst fears not manifesting because whenever there's something positive I stop myself from being completely happy because my anxiety kicks in and goes overdrive thinking maybe something terrible could happen next. Yeah there's something off with me really but nevertheless very thankful for this blessing. More to come please Lord!

Balancing Act

 Another day where I have to act as mediator and looking after everyone so they don't feel awkward and left out! I think I did good job balancing things although it's such unnecessary hassle in my life but I have to do what I have to do!  Because of those complications I didn't do some work which i was planning to do, I still have allowance in time to finish it so it's fine. And I did some things for leisure today which is watch shows for entertainment and not work! Hopefully the days ahead are better!

Vapid

 I'm staying away from drama but drama always find itself at my door. I'm really exhausted dealing with mood swings and spontaneous outbursts. It's hard to be that person who needs to balance and control all those unnecessary stray emotions to keep it from digging a bigger hole, But I'm tired. This goes on and on. Tired. Afraid. Nervous. Anxious. That's why I'm always awry when things feel ok because there's always something that will hinder it. I want to be emotionless.  

65

 Nanay's 65th birthday and thank God she's doing fine now. I'm still worried but one thing I learned is to take thins one day at a time and value the present more. My birthday wish is of course good health and that she is far from any form of harm. My Dear Lord please hear this prayer of mine. I love Nanay so much and all I really want is her and Tatay's safety and in good condition at all times. 

Ahead

 Completly exhausted today but happy because we got our salary released earlier than usual and that just means good things! So tiring but very thankful!

Check

 Went all in at work today! Spent nearly 8 hours between a Tv series and a movie for quality checking after dubbing has finished. Deadlines are tight needed to do the extra mile and hopefully didn't miss something major!

To Each

Yeah I made the right call sparing myself from further mental exhaustion after seeing another reason why I gave up. I hate to say it but things will get worst let's be real. It absolutely frightens me what the future beholds but I can not let this fear dominate my life. I just have to focus on what I can control right now so I can survive each day without falling to an abyss of misery. 

Anywhere

 It's been raining everyday recently. It almost always happen during the afternoon. The summer days are about to end. Not that there's really that much difference these days anyway. My nephew is about to finish 8th grade this month. Two years not in an actual school in the pivotal teenage years. I still feel frustrated how slow the back to in person classes has been. But to be honest it has been convenient that my nephew is just here at home but of course I still do want him to have an actual school experience. Covid is still pretty much around though but it has been overshadowed by other bigger things on the horizon. I do hope even if there are subvariantss, we won'r revert to that era. But I can't believe still how drastic life has changed the past 2 years. While there are traces now of the old life but it just isn't the same. 

Tight

 Next week will be so hectic at work, there are two series with 10 episodes each that are both due for submission this Friday,. The dubbing for those two shows are not yet finished up until Wednesday so yeah it will be extra difficult to lay everything next week! There are two movies as well assigned to me as well although they are not due immediately but the dubbing will be done next week as well so will have to check that. I hope I won't mess up my duties this week!

Ages

 May is about to end and I feel like this year have been so long already. So much has happened personally and well that thing. As much as I don't want to think about my worries, it still manages to creep in. It's normal I know but it's just unpleasant and tired of feeling that way., Anyway, back to working and escape from my fears!

One Second!

Of course, I'm gonna flex my first credit on a Netflix project! This is for the Filipino-dubbed version of  the movie We Can Be Heroes! My participation here is actually dubbing script editor and quality control but for this project, I am classified credited as adapter! Anyway, I know it's just like one second and no one really bothers to read the credits except when your name is there which is my case! We have more projects to come for Netflix and definitely will flaunt the credits for the project I was actually the dubbing scriptwriter (Translator)

 

Placeholder

 I just finished doing a dubbing script of an episode that's not yet available on its streaming platform. The video provided was still quite raw and I could see the production people serving as stand-ins for visual effects that will be put on later. It was just weird to see when they popped up . There were some visual cues that explain the visual effect that will be placed there too. It was quite fascinating to see!

Preview

 The level of work I have ahead of me is quite overwhelming! I will need to watch 20 episodes of two shows that we are currently dubbing for quality check plus a movie too so I need to budget my time well especially of course I'm writing dubbing scripts too. But  honestly I'm really loving this one because hey more projects is just good and you have no idea how being this busy helped me not dwell too much with fears because I have things to finish first! 

Roadblock

 I'm so close to finishing this dubbing script for a tagalized kdrama and my goodness there are two lines that's really had to synch! Just a few more and lines and this one is done but I had a tough time so taking a short break to write it here so I can take it easy for a little. The scenes were also heavy so it was quite. Anyway, back to finish this script!

Swamped

 I really went to work earlier than usual to finish a task that requires a lot of time and I believe accomplished it well but my to-do list this week is longer than usual too,. I have one big thing that I need to accomplish by tomorrow and I really hope I can finish it on time and perhaps earlier than planned too!

Up Next

I was quite busy finishing checking two scripts for tagalized korean drama that will air on a local network soon. The raw script is just a subtitle list so there are no character names so I have to make sure everything is correct. I will write an episode of this show to so it was good that checking on those scripts will help me get familiarized with the stiory and characters so I won't have a hard time writing it. It is quite challenging at first but I can manage and of course my primary motivation is the extra income I will get writing it. It is the exciting part!

Less

 Not productive today, I was planning to do some work at home but decided not to. Burn out I guess, I need some break after a hectic work week plus  battling personal anxiety related to national events. I really hope I can shut things off in my mind and not worry anymore because I can't do anything about it anyway.. 

Big Miss

 I made some errors at a particular task at work which was a real bummer. I admitted my mistake, learned from it and move on. There was a moment where I really felt bad that I wanted to have a mini meltdown or I dunno blame other peoiple but good thing I managed to control myself and be rational. The reason for that mistake because I was trying to do many things at once. I need to improve my focus from hereon. No distractions

Defeat

 I'm now conditioning myself to be more silent than ever. Not like I was vocal anyway whether in person or online to begin with. I just decided this is my way to cope with the upcoming changes which not to dwell on it anymore. There's nothing much I can do anyway, it is what it is.

Withered

Heavy workload today which is a good thing so I can't take my mind off the thing that frustrates me. Something I have no control over anymore but deeply bothers me. I thought by disengaging weeks ago would help soften the blow when the inevitable happens but I was fooling myself. I just have to my best from now on to compartmentalize and take this particular anxiety away for now so I could focus on things I can do and I need to do. 

Endure

 Most stressful elections I've experienced. It was so disorganized, the worst since I started voting in 2007. I almost gave up but despite all the stress and hassle I endured just to get my vote counted no matter what. My spirit is low to be honest I dunno what to say anymore even though it was largely expected it still stinks

Dread

 Here is the day. I've resigned myself that all is lost. But the ugliness I'm seeing is suffocating that I can't help but feel so frustrated of what is to come. I can't believe a lot of people are not seeing this or turning a blind eye. Or worst simply not bothered.  Can a miracle happen please?

Misery

 That's why I want to avoid certain areas because I am being given false hopes. If only I could block everything but it isn't possible and live in isolation of everything that gives me nothing but a sinking feeling of defeat. There are moments I feel hopeful but when you are on the ground and you witness firsthand how the others view everything, how nothing that are obviously true have affected their mindset you can't help but feel the dread of the impending doom upon us. I will still do it but can't help but feel that is just a symbolic gesture of clinging on to something hopeful but less likely to happen. I feel so angry with how they have managed to control everything and change the discourse. I'm now preparing myself of what life will be after all of this. I will be silent again, avoiding things, suppressing what I feel. I can't do anything but just feel devastated as everything crumbles.  

Hopeless

 So I witnessed something alarming and upsetting. It is scaring me a  lot but also really very angry that this has now escalated to this level. Why did we let this happen? It has spread to something that I'm very afraid can no longer be prevented from happening. Divine intervention maybe is the last hope.

Inches

 It's getting closer and I wish I have the optimism other people have. I just think it is too obvious now. I wish it wasn't the case but I'm afraid not. This weekend I will devote myself to writing a dubbing script and checking as well. Script writing for dubbing is my escape these days. It excite whenever I finish a project but you see when I think of my tasks due for next week I can't help but think on what will my mood will be by that time. Will I feel so devastated or I will just suppress what I feel and act as if there's nothing to worry about like I usually do. I'm so confused and scared right now. Oh God please hear my prayer.

Tremble

 To be honest, I'm very scared on Monday. I'm trying to be both hopeful and also manage expectations. I'm focusing on work these days to take my mind off my fears. I don't want to get drowned in an echo chamber completely clueless what's happening on the ground.. I'm so frustrated how obvious red flags are ignored conveniently. Hoping and praying for a miracle.

More and more!

 So I met my goal again and finished my movie dubbing script today earlier than the deadline. It's a teen romcom which honestly was really enjoyable to do! Can't wait for it to get dubbed and be available on its streaming platform! I also helped out finishing a script of a teen comedy because the writer can't finished in and the dubbing is already schedule pretty soon. I have to do around around 13 minutes left and glad I was able to finish it! It was also fun to write but adapting the some of the jokes were hard, like there was a jole about Daniel Day Lewis' method acting which I totally get but hard to translate that would still capture the humor! I did my best and hopefuly the dubber delivery would make it work!

Adjusting

 First time working on a holiday ib 2 years and the relaxed feeling is the same as ever. I've been productive as well, surpassing the goal I set for today as well. I'm getting used to this new office now. The aircon is great which is what I want the most really. The building is huge and I dunno what other offices they have here, on our floor it feels empty. I haven't seen anyone come out from the other units! The elevator though is quite busy so you have to wait at times! As for our office, it still needs some cleaning up to do, hopefully, next week it will be set already because I'm feeling OC with some of the stuff lying around and not yet taken care of!

20th Floor

 So first day at the new office was literally messy but over the course of the day, things got fixed up and we did manage to do some work. Tomorrow is apparently a holiday but for the first time in the pandemic era, I will go work on a holiday because I have a lot of things to do especially the adjustments to the new office will somehow affect my productivity. My work space is smaller now compared to before because the office itself is smaller too but still good enough for the size of the employees now which has gotten smaller due to the retrenchments, resignation and one department now full time work from home. It's a strange feeling to be in a new space but hey I could just see it as something of a new era.

Move

 Tomorrow is our first day at the new office. I'm expecting a mess actually , literally speaking because of all things that needed to be set up as we transferred our things from the former office to the new one. I actually brought some things at home like my office headphone and water bottle so it won't get lost in the move. All I know our new office is smaller than our former but hopefully there's still enough space for us to move around and we can adjust quickly  because there are a lot of things to do!