Truffle

 I've been working on something quite tricky to do. And what kinda sucks is that it's not a sure thing too. Just a demo. A sample. So I need to work extra hard to make this good and hopefully will land us with something nice in the end. I really want to get this too! So back to working on it now!

Rising

 Finish another dubbing project today. It was a bit more time-consuming than I originally intended but it was a good show to work on. I enjoyed doing it because the story is so good and engaging. Now on to the next (hopefully!)

No Matter What

 Watching a documentary on DailyMotion now. It is kind of amazing Daily Motion is still here after all these years despite YouTube reaching great heights. I guess it is being relatively small helps to find some gems you could never find on YouTube. 

Pantry

I've seen an unnecessary thing earlier on. I'm not involved but somehow I feel it was the wrong approach. But then again not in the position to make a comment about it. I can't help but feel it will alienate people and could lead to bigger problems on the horizon. But well mind my own business I guess and just focus on myself because I'm not the one to deal with other issues when my plate is already full. 

Bente

 I posted this 20 years ago! I discovered about blogging on PEx too so I tried it out. 20 years!!! It's been that long. This small smace online has been a home of sorts. And I really Google will keep blogspot running for many years to come!

Yue

I was working on something that gave me some little annoyance because I felt like I kinda got shortchanged of my own doing but it was something I really got engaged doing. It's about to end now and I hope another one in similar nature comes in soon because I do like working on stuff like this but hopefully, next time I manage things better so I don't felt like I got my

Back Up

 After almost a month of doing channel grids again, I finally found my groove and developed a system that makes things more efficient. I still miss TeleNovela Channel from time to time, I really enjoyed overseeing the channel's operations but glad to do programming grids again for another cable channel. I really join in mapping things out and planning the schedules and all. It's been quite a busy week with doing that while also balancing writing/editing dubbing scripts too. I sometimes get a little overwhelmed and get frustrated but then again glad to be busy at the end of the day. 

Dodged

It was a chaotic week for me but well more on the inside only. As always I didn't share everything I'm dealing with. Just blurting it out here... vaguely. Let's face it, speaking out what I truly feel will just add more stress and I'd rather solve things immediately even though I have to make sacrifices. It's okay because it is better than emotional torture. Despite some recent stress-inducing moments, I'm so grateful I didn't make a big mistake and boy it was so close.  Thank you Lord for guiding me.

Amilyar

 Good thing the thought came into my head or else it will be forgotten. I'm annoyed that it has to be me again, but I do what I must do because I need to get things done first rather than waste time with nonsense blabbing the others do. 

Deleted

 Proud to say that I got myself back after that near lapse of judgment! If I did that yesterday, I would have regretted it so much today. I know that life will throw a lot of this type of tests as I go forward and I really hope that I will be able to stand my ground each time. 

999

 Almost made a mistake but good thing I kept on reading and reading then found the red flag and quickly made a turnaround. That was so close, that my judgment was affected by other factors that led me to do something that almost led me to make a mistake I had a few years ago. Oh, thank you, Lord, for giving me the signs, and sorry that I ignored them at first. 

Background Work

 Since I'm back doing channel grids, I got back into watching a show "on background" while I do it. For some reason it helps me stay focused and not be sleepy when something is playing in the background. Sometimes,it's a podcast but now since I have a Disney+ subscription for one month, might as well use it. The show I chose is American procedural Tracker. A perfect background show! It's a case of the week where everything gets solved at the end of the episode and it's not so complicated. I already seen 3 episodes while I accomplished 2 grids and an EPG at that! 

Flip Flop

 I really want something but head says no. I wan to make a measured move so I won't feel that bad if they do pursue it. I need to get something out of it even if it's not what my ultimate goal is. Just something. But then I don't want to regret after it's done which I usually do. Another messy phase!

Back Hidden

 Okay, I made an impulse buy today. Not expensive but it's something I buy for collection purposes only. I've strayed from doing this because money is tight and I've been responsible for so many things now. However, this time I felt why not give in to something that makes me feel happy because it's a throwback to a thing I used to do when I was a teen. A little reward to myself. 

Near

 This will turn 20 next month. I've been posting every single day for the past 4 years too. Nonstop, even though I don't share it publicly these days. So if you know it, nice but I'm fine shouting things to the void as it is. It helps me unburden my chaotic thoughts.

Sweetie

 Another day where I did a lot. But glad to be of help of course. I do realize some things I need to be patient for because I need to sort out some things to avoid miscommunication and also not to put pressure too much because it's a tight situation where there's less reward compared to other opportunities, so you have to balance things up to avoid exhaustion. But sometimes it takes a toll on me personally. So I do need to learn to slow things down especially so that I don't have to compensate because of added things that make things more stable compared to before I had to show that I'm not abusing things and such. In the end, I still like what I accomplished but moving forward, I need to balance things so as not to end up where everything's chaotic and messy. 

Potential

 I was really busy today like I was shocked when I noticed it wasn't 12 noon yet earlier when I did so many things already. Of course, I love it and hopefully it will lead to some good things in the future. I have another stacked day tomorrow but let's go!

Closed

 I wanted to do something out of the blue and a little reckless but well I guess the universe stopped me. A little bummed but I knew subconsciously it was good in the grand scheme because I could regret it later on! 

Tomorrow

A lead is nice, will do my best to make it work. Well, not like it's all one me but I'm the starting point then they take over but I need to make things smooth from the get-go so everything can start well. I hope we get it. We need it so much. 

Plea

 My heart sank when I read something that confirmed what I'd been wary about the past few months. On shaky ground. Surviving but not prospering. Down times are here again. I miss 2022 when it all happened. Now, there's the struggle. Still not in panic mode but it is quite scary when things don't pick up soon. It sucks that thing ended. Oh Dear Lord, I hope a blessing arrives soon. 

Progress

 I was watching something that said something that resonated with me that when something is taken away from you, you get to appreciate it more. Even at the time when you felt like you got tired of it or embarrassed about it at some point when you lost it you will look back and look what you've lost. And if it somehow returns, the appreciation is intense. 

Day Out

There's a good thing that happened today and it was a break from the ordinary life in this era and I was quite happy about it but then again, my anxiety kicked in and my mind went overboard thinking that it could be a sign of bad news next. Please don't let this feat manifest, dear Lord. I'm sorry such a paranoid guy, I just can't help but feel this way.  But still, I'm grateful for the good day. Cherishing it. 

Not the one.

 Sucks to see another confirmation of what we missed out on. It has been known essentially for months, but I continued to hope there's still a chance it will be favorable to us. But nope, it's really over. I loved doing that and it pains me that the door has closed. But there's nothing I can do but just march on. 

Wheel

 I'm swamped with work lately which is nice of course!  I'm getting the groove of doing daily channel grids after almost a year of not doing it. I'm getting my system back where I can work more efficiently. And I really like doing TV programming work stuff. I still do dubbing scripts, both writing and editing so I have to juggle things up. It's always challenging because sometimes the enemy is me. After all, sometimes you're just not in the mood and the mind ain't kicking in. Grateful to do a job that I honestly love doing. Do I sometimes wish I got a more financially lucrative job? Of course, I do especially when the going gets tough but somehow I survived all these years despite the challenges because I'm part of a world that really drew me in and I totally understand. And I'm grateful for that because sometimes I find solace in work when I feel those random sadness and frustrations from time to time. 

More!

 So my Westlife nostalgia trip the past few days led me to a rabbit hole! I've been listening to some other nostalgic songs especially from the 90s! Take That's Back for Good! Bachelor Girl's Buses and Trains! Sixpence None The Richer's There She Goes! Lisa Loeb's Stay! And many more! These songs were popular when I was a kid and not really paying that much attention to music but it was everywhere on radio so it was inescapable. Background of my childhood! I don't know it gave me such feeling of joy! Let's see how long this will last! 

Westlife

 I've been hit by the nostalgia bug again! I've been listening to Westlife lately especially Coast to Coast, my favorite! The album cuts! Close, Loneliness Knows Me By Name, Puzzle of My Heart, You Make Me Feel, Angels Wings, Dreams do Come True!  A very good pop album! This boyband was such a big part of my early teen years, my absolute favorite. I had their first 4 albums on cassette! I kinda forgot about them in my college years and admittedly I was a bit embarrassed to like a boyband back then, young foolishness! Now in adulthood, appreciate them again! Listening to their early albums was such a time capsule. I kinda regret I didn't watch them when they had their concerts here a few years ago. 

Cutting Down

 I've been helpful for the past few years but it's just hard for me to keep up to this kind of pace. I feel a little shortchanged but then it was of my own doing as well because I didn't do better in teaching things and I just let it go and I fixed things by myself because it was the easy way. Now, I will just streamline things just pick things that I could take on and not overcompensate anymore. I will still help but not to the point where I get overwhelmed that gets me frustrated at times.

【English Dubbing | FULL】EP01 | To the Wonder 我的阿勒泰 | iQIYI

I tried YouTube's shared-to-blogger function for the first time, so I'll leave this at that! Anyway, I worked on writing dubbing scripts for the first and last episode of this Chinese limited series, which is one of the most fascinating projects I've. It's quite different, it's a slice-of-life drama in one of the rural areas in China. It has a meditative mood to and has very artful shots. I really enjoyed working on this one. 

Moved

 Some annoying thing on one of my inessential interest happened and now resisting to get myself distracted from this nonsense! I'm writing it here as a way to remind myself NOT TO GET DISTRACTED over those things again. Trying to get this more organized now so I can maximize resources and I get further gains. Also will try to go back to other interests that are not stressful in nature! Or at least step back from anything that would cause annoyance!

Listed

 Finally finished working on something that I kind of regret suggesting that I would do it voluntarily! But I know this is good in the big picture but eats a lot of time for other stuff I also need to do. But hey, I could have managed this better from the get-go if I didn't allow myself to be distracted. I have a lot on my plate again with multiple things I need to do now but still I'm hoping for more because I feel a little nervous because things are quite shaky. I wish 2022's abundance could happen again! praying for that

Grid On!

 Almost a year since Telenovela Channel shut down, I'm back doing channel grids for another cable channel which is the complete opposite of my previous channel but hey glad to do TV programming duties on top of my  dubbing work. Glad to be busy and productive!

Shoes & T-Rex

 I was so in the zone today and I finished two things! I still have a lot on my plate but this is good, I always like to be busy. Hopefully tomorrow, I get more things done. Well, the next two days! Maybe, 4 days! But weekends are full of distractions but hopefully this time I can pull myself together and avoid distractions! I need to work even harder now because there are things I need to take care of! But all good, I prefer dealing with this compared to the other scary things that haunt my mind at times. 

Don't Hold Your Breath

 There's a piece of news that I'm mildly hopeful for.  "Midly" because I don't want to set myself up for disappointment when it ultimately fails. There's just a lot of damage that has been done, and I'm not sure this could turn things around. But vindication, I want that to happen

Calendar

 I was so happy to have the Mercury Drug calendar finally! The branches I go to didn't have one in the last few weeks of December so I was bummed! But then earlier when I saw they were just giving it away, like you don't have to ask the cashier or pharmacist, they just placed it on the counter for the customers to take. I took two! It's been a tradition to have Mercury Drug calendar for so long now that it felt incomplete that I wasn't able to get one! Small thing but it makes me happy!

Resolutions.

I really need to find a way to get myself out of this distracting nonsense I sometimes get into. I know it's a waste of time, but truth be told, it does make me feel a little happy sometimes. A new year is here, and I should be working on improving some things in my life. Yeah, let's call it a resolution even though I only find those things as school filler work when you go back to school. And destined to fail. But I'll try. I need some changes

Stop!

I'm annoyed that the cold weather is gone already! Come on give me more cold breeze, don't be humid yet! I love weather like that because everything feels so relaxing. I'm gonna miss the relaxing vibes of going to the office in the doldrums of the holiday season! By Monday everything will be be back to normal I guess, facing the reality and all. 

Perks

I watched a Youtube video about someone reviewing premium tier subscriptions and it was interesting because I was so curious why people would spend money like that. I'm stingy so sometimes I find it hard to grasp when people buy this kind of non-essential stuff but you do you of course. Anyway, most of the stuff  I saw felt like a rip-off but I guess super fans are happy to contribute to their favorite's wealth or it's a way to show support. Not gonna lie I wish I had that kind of drive too but I'm lazy to do these things. For a time I thought of monetizing this blog when it was the IN thing in the early 2010s but I get lazy to do the effort and I don't have the personality for it! 

First!

 First day back at the office for 2025! I always make sure to go to work on the first working day of each year to set the year right! I was able to finish one thing I tried to finish during the holiday break but I failed big time because I was just not in the mood. Anyway, this time around I was able to get things done. There's more to come and I want more too! 

Buckle Up

 The first day of the year is always a lazy day and I don't mind because tomorrow back at work and unlike a lot of people, I really don't mind going back to work on Jan. 2. I always want to start the year productive at work! Hopefully, this will be a good year for work, I have some new challenges so I need to prepare myself!

Mmmbop

 You have so many relationships in this life

Only one or two will last

You go through all the pain and strife

Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast

Recently, I heard this song again after quite some time but now with adult ears actually paying attention to what the lyrics say. It hits differently this time. It wasn't just a novelty song with a very catchy chorus one can easily mumble. Music really has the power to take you back to a certain period but I've realized when you get older certain songs are more than just a nostalgia trip but an introspection. Every time the year ends, we always find ourselves looking back and evaluating our lives. I usually get caught up in the sentimentality of it all and in the previous years, I'm just content to have survived another year. It dawned on me now to appreciate the present more and not just dwell so much on the past much less dread the future. I know things are scarier as we grow older but it would be a waste if you let life slip by.

 

3 Minutes

It's hard to get things done during this time. If it wasn't a holiday, I would have gone to the office because there I could have focus and serenity. It's also raining intermittently, so it's not really the right mood to do things. I also allowed myself to be distracted by nonsense stuff too. I kinda knew it was coming but I thought I could fight things off. But I have 2 days to make it work. I don't do monitoring year end charts anymore on the radio anyway so let's get this to work!

My Hot 100 for 2024

 1. Pantropiko - BINI

2. Birds of a Feather - Billie Eilish

3. Dilaw - Maki

4. Autumn - Ben & Ben

5. Romcom -  Rob Deniel

6. Huwag Muna Tayong Umuwi - BINI 

7. APT. - Rose feat Bruno Mars.

8. Salamin, Salamin - BINI

9. Too Sweet - Hozier

10. Good Luck, Babe - Chapell Roan

11. Die With A Smile - Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars

12. Karera - BINI

13. Obsessed - Olivia Rodrigo 

14. We Can't Be Friends (Wait for Your Love) - Ariana Grande

15. Lagi - BINI

16. Miss Miss - Rob Deniel

17. Taste - Sabrina Carpenter

18. Made for Me - Muni Long

19. Patintero - BGYO

20. Palagi - TJ Monterde

21. Ang Huling Chacha - BINI

22. Get Low - O Side Mafia, BRGR

22. Na Na Na - BINI

23. Million Dollar Baby - Tommy Richman

24. Espresso - Sabrina Carpenter

25. B.A.D - Denise Julia feat. PLO

26. Red Wine Supernova - Chapell Roan

27. Namumula - Maki

28. Casual - Chapell Roan

29. Defying Gravity - Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande 

30. Arrowmance - Rob Deniel

31 Please Please Please - Sabrina Carpenter

32. Sining - Dionela feat Jay-R

33. Beautiful Things - Benson Boone

34. Kailan? - Maki

35. Museo - Eliza Maturan

36. What is This Feeling? - Ariana Grande, Cynthia Erivo

37. Fortnight  - Taylor Swift feat Post Malone 

38.  Fugitivas - Jordi Bacbush

39. Flagpole Sitta - The All-American Rejects

40. The Emptiness Machine - Linkin Park 

41. Toyo - KZ Tandingan

42. Breaking News - Flowerovlove

43. Diet Pepsi - Addison Rae

44. Bed Chem - Sabrina Carpenter

45. Rockstar - Lisa

46. Cherry on Top - BINI

47. Ikot - Over October

48. Misteryoso - Cup of Joe

49. Beyond - Auli'l Cravalho 

50. Leonard Cohen Nights - Jason Wade

51. Lambalak - MC Einstein feat Kyla 

52. Strings - BINI

53. Saan - Maki

54. HOT TO GO - Chappel Roan

55. Di Mabanggit - Paul Arcega 

56. Mantra - Jennie 

57. Comets - Ben and Ben

58. You'll Be Safe Here - Rico Blanco

59. LUNCH - Billie Eilish

60. I Feel Good - BINI

61. Sinta - Rob Deniel

62. Mi Secreto - Tommy Torres

63. Texas Hold 'Em - Beyonce

64. Na Na Nandito Lang - BINI

65. Ang Pag-ibig - Rob Deniel

66. That's So True - Gracie Adams

67. Good Side - Crash Adams

68. Lose Ya Breath - Annitta

69. Anghel - Angelo Garcia

70. Forget About Us - Perrie

71. Believing in Magic - Alexa Ilacad

72. La Historia De Juana - Benji Cordero

73. Slow it Down - Benson Boone

74. Blooming - BINI

75. We Made It - Nik Makino, Flow G

76. Ulap - Rob Deniel

77. Tingin - Cup of Joe, Janine

78. Moonlight - SB19, Ian Asher, Terry Zhong

79. Lose Control - Teddy Swims

80. Gigil - BGYO

81. You'll Be Safe Here - Moira Dela Torre

82. Gloria Y Sergio - Gala Montes

83. Kalakal - SB19 and Gloc 9

84. Training Season - Dua Lipa

85. Pakundangan  - DEMI, Hev Abi

86. End of Beginning - Djo

87. Our Stories Shine This Christmas - Various Artists

88. Apple - Charlie XCX

89. A Bar Song (Tipsy) - Shaboozey

90. It's Ok, I'm OK - Tate McRae

91. El Mal - Zoe Saldana, Karla Sofía Gascón, Camille 

92.  Nasty - Tinashe

93. Magnetic - ILLIT

94.  exes - Tate McRae

95. Selfish - Justin Timberlake

96.  Kiss The Sky - Maren Morris

97. Diyan Ka Lang - BINI

98. I'm His, His Mine -  Katy Perry feat Doechi

99. 360 - Charlie XCX

100. Stick Season - Noan Kahan

My Hot 100 for 2023

My Hot 100 for 2022

My Hot 100 for 2021

My Hot 100 for 2020

My Hot 100 for 2019

My Hot 100 for 2018

My Hot 100 for 2017

My Hot 100 for 2016

My Hot 100 for 2015

My Hot 100 for 2014

 My Hot 100 for 2013

My Hot 100 for 2012 
My Hot 100 for 2011
My Hot 100 for 2010
My Hot 100 for 2009  
My Hot 100 for 2008
My Hot 100 for 2007

Favorite TV Comedy Episodes of 2024

 1. Young Sheldon Season 7 Episode 13 "Funeral"

2.  Abbot Elementary Season 4 Episode 2 "Ringworm"

3. What We Do in the Shadows Season 6 Episode 11 "The Finale"

4. Nobody Want This Season 1 Episode 2 "A Shiksa Walks in the Temple"

5. Only Murders in the Building Season 4  Episode 1 "Once Upon a Time in the West"

6. Ghosts Season 4 Episode 9 "A Very Arondekar Christmas Part 2"

7. Hacks Season 3 Episode 9 "Bulletproof"

8. English Teacher Season 1 Episode 3 "The Kayla Syndrome"

9. A Man on the Inside Season 1 Episode "Tinker Tailor Order Spy"

10. Solar Opposites Season 5 Episode 9 "Terry's Big Cleaning Day"

Previous: 2023, 2022, 2021 2020,2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013,2012

Favorite Movies of 2024

 1. And The Breadwinner Is.....

2. Conclave

3. Wicked

4. Inside Out 2

5. The Wild Robot

Previous:

2023

2022

2021

2020

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015
2014
2013
2012
2011

Tree

 I'm in the office, and I prefer it so much. Early in the morning, I already dealt with so much stress. I had no choice but to take it all in. Some just never learn not to dwell on things that are not worth the stress in the grand scheme of things, but I don't know. I think people just want to seek problems when there shouldn't be, especially when there is an existing one already you have to deal with. I'm tired, but it is what it is. 

Relate

Watched "And the Breadwinner Is..." and I must say it's quite good. The confrontation scene is top-notch and very emotional. It reminded me of Tanging Yaman. Vice Ganda is excellent in the scene; it's her best performance. She totally nailed the dilemma of carrying a lot of family burdens, you do it because you love your family but it is also exhausting and kills you inside. And you hate feeling that way. 

Indescribable

 ''We were dreamers, not so long ago. But one by one we, all had to grow up''. 

This is my favorite new-ish Christmas song, and as I grow older, the message resonates even more! It is just harder to see things like we used to when we were kids. It's hard not to be cynical, but you have to try not to let the bleakness of life's challenges consume you completely. 

6:51 AM

 I went to the office today, and we were just a few, but I really worked hard and got things done! Now there are two days of break for the holidays, and then I go back to the office again on Dec. 26. I actually love the time between Christmas and New Year. The commute is a breeze, and there's a certain calmness in the streets! And I'm more productive at that!

Good Side

I've been following this YouTuber since it was recommended by the algorithm in 2020 during the height of the pandemic lockdowns. And I'm really impressed with how his channel grew to do big stuff like this one, a full-fledged documentary! I've been disillusioned with the influencer culture, so it's a pleasant surprise to see someone do something more in this new media. I'm a little envious becauae I wish I could so somethig like this.

Feliz

I've become that person who's fighting to keep the Christmas spirit alive and struggling to do so. I want to feel what I felt before when I was a kid but it's just not the same. I don't want to be a grinch so I don't let this feeling infect other people. Anyway, trying not to let myself feel so down. I'm trying to get into the spirit

Post

Had a frightening experience today that knocked my senses off. It's quite traumatizing but I'm working myself through it. Thank you dear Lord that the worst-case scenario didn't happen but still something to learn fromespecially to the person directly involved. Change needs to happen. 

Stones

 Things went okay and what I was hoping for. But it was not full clear. It just a right now it's okay so let's keep it like that. I don't for how long but I'm okay that things will not be complicated. I long for stability although at the back of my mind there's the fear of the inevitable but I will just take things day by day. 

Goes On and On.

 I felt sad again for no reason. Well, there is but honestly I'm worrying in advance like I always do. I don't know I'm just at this point of my life where I can't rest easy because I always bad things could happen. Or stressful things will be on my way soon. Always anticipating stress. Sometimes I wish I was a free spirit. But I could never be that, I just feel the need to look after everything I care for. It's burdensome but not caring is something that's not in my nature.  It's a heavy feeling that I just try to shove because there are more important things to do. 

6,400

 Finished something today which I could have finished earlier but I got lazy because it's not due yet, I still was able to finish it ahead of time but I could have done better. Anyway, I still have things on my plate. And I like it, hopefully I won't slack up because of the holidays and all! I want to be productive so good luck to me!

Pile Up

 End of the year barrage of problems. Some shouldn't be a problem but I don't know some people seek to create problems when you can just conserve your mental health and let it go or do something that won't trigger more stressful of situation. One is a valid concern but when you dole out advice, not listening at all and it insists on doing their way. Then when the problem becomes bigger I will shoulder all the stress again as if I don't have a lot weighing me already. I want to be supportive and also protect myself as well because it can be so overwhelming that I'm already acting out somehow because it's too much. It frustrates me because some things can be avoided if we actually aim for peace of mind. I'm just in a daze with complex feelings. Worried and scared and exhausted. And there are things on the horizon too to keep me awake at night. Where do I go?

Lunch

Warning signs are here again and I'm getting nervous about it then some annoying things happen. I couldn't take this all in. One at a time please. Or maybe stop digging for problem when there is none and focus on something that's actually quite alarming instead of finding ways to avoid it and let others deal with it. Unnecessary annoyance!

IYD

 Ok, I set myself up so I can finish something on schedule but not working so far! Let's try tomorrow and hopefully I'll be more successful because I really have to! No choice but to do so! May I find enough motivation!

Loss

 A friend recently lost his wife after battling an illness. Every time I see him, I can see the pain in his eyes. When he received his 13th-month pay, he said to me that it made him sad because it just reminded him how happy his wife was during this time of the year. It broke my heart to hear that. I just can't imagine what he is feeling right now. I try my best to console him as much as I can but I sometimes don't know what to say so I just listen to him. I hope it helps him process what he feels. I easily get affected when it comes to things like this. I guess I'm an empath? Sometimes I don't want to care because it gets overwhelming at times but I can't help it.

Amber's

 We didn't have a Christmas party this year but had a Christmas lunch at the office. It was a very challenging year, but we made it through again. Next year will be a better one for us, manifesting it. Things are changing, but we still managed to get through this. I'm grateful for that. 

Patches

 Good intentions, bad executions. It's so hard to handle it because it is irritating. After all, it's reckless and so out of the blue. But then again the intention is good so how could you fault that. I just have to let it go and pretend to be in favor. It's still good to be polite, lashing out won't do any good, especially for such a small thing. I'm just in a weird place lately. I feel so down for some reason but I just keep it in because I don't stir bigger drama that is unnecessary. When everything is OK, let it be. 

Could Have Been

I'm really sad this one slipped away from us and while I do believe we did a good job, this is beyond our control. It sucks though because I really wanted to work on that. I really suck for feeling so anxious and awful again when everything, in general, is OK. But I miss having that sense of pride that yes I can show off. It's a very small perk but it made me feel good. 

Encash

Each time I do this, I panic again because of a drought. Now, I'm torn giving up something again  to help out but I also get tired because of it. But I also need to look after myself as well. I wish there would be an outpour again so we get all to be happy. I need to be more assertive and not feel guilty that I could be crossing the lines. I get conscious because of some previous incidents where I was called out. I overcompensate now which I feel that I'm getting the short end of the stick. But really not. I'm just paranoid. I wish that thing was still with us so I feel more at peace. 

Hammer

I need to do something but I got lazy again. I just did my own version of fun again!  It's kind of waste of time and I kinda regret distracting myself again. But I've done it so many times, I never learn! Anyway, now I have to catch up to get this done. Good luck!

Tear Down

I kinda hate that I got interested in a recent celebrity cheating scandal but the story is just so interesting but then it made me realize how this is way too personal that people should not be informed about this. This is how "justice" for some people is these days I guess. It looks fun if done on a fictional series or movie but when it's real life, you gotta feel a little bit icky about it too. So yeah, I need to really not get so invested with this kind of things really even if it's inescapable sometimes. 

Pushover

I have to be strong and not let the repetitive things affect me that much. I'm a weakling, I just couldn't bear the thought of being the target of ill feelings especially when I know I did nothing wrong in the grand scheme of things. But I always give in, I take the high road because I thought that this would give me peace of mind but I've realized that I've opened myself to further emotional torture. I don't deserve it but I just have to deal with it. I just need to learn to be numb. But I do hope someday, I get a sincere apology for all the hurt you did to me and full realization that you did me wrong. Yes, there's a lot of love but the moments you hurt cut me deep. I didn't act out and just shoved all the pain so I could focus on more important things. But everytime I'm treated unfairly, all these feelings pour in and make me miserable in the end. I'm so tired of it all but I know I really have nowhere to go.  Sometimes I get drunk on a fantasy life, of what could have been. It gives fleeting feelings of joy but ultimately it just makes me sad. That's why I avoid thinking about it but in moments like this when I feel so down and hurt, I am defenseless to my own vulnerability.  Oh Dear Lorn, please enligthen those who need to be, get into the heart and realize all the pain I've been carrying deep inside my heart all these years. I can't speak up, I can't fight back. All i could do is just lay in bed and cry silently so I could wake up with a better feeling. 

Wrapped 2024

 Spotify Wrapped used to be more detailed when it still had a dedicated website but now that it's just app only, it got a little boring but nonetheless, as a chart geek, it's fun to see my music ranking for the year. This year I jumped the BINI bandwagon and got into many Gen Z artists! This is not me trying to be young but I just enjoyed their music and it's appealing to an older millennial like me! My top podcasts are 2/3 audio dramas that Nanay loves to listen and the other three are about my interest in entertainment business, economics and Internet pop culture!

Sink

I'm always walking on eggshells. This is not something new, but I feel awful each time it happens. I have no choice but to be level-headed, I can't join in or else we will all fall. On top of that, I have to deal with increasingly alarming signs that I try to ignore but deep inside I feel so much fear of what could happen next. All I want for Christmas is peace of mind or a semblance of it. 

Carols

 I started playing Christmas songs today to set me in the holiday mood. Yeah, it really didn't. It didn't help that the weather was gloomy and rainy, too. And I'm still a little sick, too. Hopefully, I will feel more of that vibe in the coming days. 

Shine

 

It's a yearly tradition to wait for the ABS-CBN Christmas Station ID. I have to admit this year I'm a bit underwhelmed with the song, not as instantly catchy as before but the meaning is good course. It just doesn't have the same magic but I don't know maybe it's a grower. Family is Love in 2018 I was underwhelmed too but eventually got the hang of it. 

'Tis the Season

 December us here and as usual since things happened in my life I'm not feeling the holiday joy anymore and 'I've long accepted that I will probably never feel the same excitement I had when I was a child. But I always try not to be a grinch to others and myself. I don't want to be in a miserable state so I find ways to feel positive, appreciate what I have, and be grateful that I'm not facing larger-than-life problems. It's a constant battle that even gets harder during this time. 

Snooze

 Feeling a little better but still not in top form that I want to but at least there's improvement which is nice. Hoping to fully recover soon enough because the weather is finally cold which what I've been waiting but I can't appreciate it now because I'm sick. It's such a good weather to just laze around and sleep/nap!

Sneeze

 A bit of a struggle today as I deal with sickness. And there's not comfortable place to rest really. I still deal with stress of all proportions. I hope I get better soon enough so I could function better. 

Before 4

 I don't want to say it's all good, there are still some things I need to worry about but at least it's not the worst scenario brewing in my mind. And all I want is for this to be stable and be away from more hazardous things. I know it will never be like it was before but I just hope for peace of mind and no scary suffering. I always pray hard to God for it and I'm grateful that the worst things in my mind or a repeat of past incidents haven't occurred again. I'm always worried but I take anything I can hold on to. 

Quest

 Quite a busy day and I'm glad because of those doors opening which will keep things stable for quite some time. Now, I still feel envious about that one thing that we were supposed to do but alas things didn't work in our favor!  But what can we do but move on and appreciate those in front of us. 

Unity

 There's some teleserye-level national drama in the country. I don't know what to feel because either choice is a losing one in the grand scheme of things. I also hate that I find all this chaos entertaining somehow because these are still serious things. I don't know where this country is headed!

Will

 I've been struggling to finish one task because it's a little boring like I feel sleepy doing it! But made some progress hopefully tomorrow I can finish it already so I can proceed to do something more in line with my interest. 

Atip

 No one: .....

That person: CREATES DRAMA

It's really frustrating when you are just in a regular mood and then, out of the blue, some people act strangely out of their whims! Sure, intention may be good, but is this worth all the stress you are giving everyone?  Seeking tension as always. I'm so sick of it. 

Gracias!

 Oh thank goodness, some good news finally happened, I was stressing about it already! It's here now!  Thank you Lord! This really helps my mood now because I've been so stress and down!

Sacks

I really want to say something but I can't because it will be misinterpreted and in the end, I will cave in because I just want to avoid stress. But I'm really annoyed with what I perceive as carelessness. Just going in without asking me really. It would have been fine if it had been better planned but things seem to be done in a hasty, impulsive manner and there was a mishandling earlier. I wish I could say what I really feel or something happens to get an epiphany of some sort. 

Unpleasant

 Here I go again with this feeling I can't shake off. Objectively speaking, there's not really awful to feel bad about, it's just that I worry about what could happen and I'm getting scared already. It's just affecting my mood right now. I still feel bad for all the missed shots to the point I'm already going for the "what if" scenarios in my mind which does nothing but my feelings of dread. Still thankful that this is still not that horrible, I need to remind myself that so I could put things in perspective. Heavens, I'm really hoping for good news. 

Drive

I still feel down. A million things in my mind right now. I did some things early to distract myself and also ease some worries. It was good for awhile but I'm back again feeling so off. I know the reason why and it's something I really can't control but I just can't get it off my mind. It worries me so much. 

Plank

Made a little screw-up today because of my overeagerness. I already knew what could happen but couldn't help but still do it. I apologized for my mistake and things are good but I still feel upset. I guess I'm just a little volatile lately the slightest mishap would make me go spiral internally though because I just can't show my true emotions in public because it would stress me out even further.

Greenlit

 Glad to have at least one thing confirmed for the next month. And it's an interesting one for me too so I'm gonna be something interesting to do. But still hoping for more. There's still one hanging over my head although it's already all but confirmed that it's over but I still keep a glimmer of hope that it could still go.

Hard Bread

 It's really hard to deal with mood swings, I'm so tempted to lash out but for my sake I let it go. I just don't want to add stress in my life. I'll do anything to avoid conflict these days. It's just not worth it. 

Defy

 So I spent my day for entertainment. I binged a TV show, a comedy which was good enough but I felt something was lacking but I did get some good laughs and insightful moments. Then I fell into a rabbit hole on YouTube watching random stuff until I got hooked by the marketing of an upcoming which i will definitely see in theaters hopefully next week!

Stir

I'm stressed over someone wanting to create drama when there is none! It really shouldn't come to this when you can just let things slide and forget about it. That person thinks he is entitled to do so but nope you are creating problems when we could all just be at peace. They don't learn. They can't sit still and be appreciative of what there is at the moment. Why create stressful situations? The frustrating part is I can;t confront that person to tell it straight because it will fall on deaf ears. I'm so exhausted of this behavior. ENOUGH!!!!!!

Irvin

 A colleague passed away a few days ago. Rest in peace, Irvin. And even though we never interacted that much in the office, I knew you were great at your work, had a great passion for cinema, and wrote well-written film reviews online.  I visited a message board about film and the Oscars where Irvin is well-known and reading their good words about him is quite touching. We paid our last respects to him earlier today where we met his parents, who despite what they are going through, welcomed us with pleasant smiles. My heart was broken when his mother was telling us about Irvin's last days and how she embraced her son for the last time. I just can't imagine the pain of a parent losing a child.  

Cooked

 Exhausted about everything. But I can't give up. I can't set everything aside and go off. But my mind is an absolute mess right now. Worrying about multiple things. I need to leave non-essential stuff that is just cluttering my mind. I really want to be 100% on essential stuff but damn it, I just get lazy sometimes and need something to distract me. But it's just an excuse most of the time. It's so difficult to take everything in.

Blows

Having a hard time concentrating. I feel worried and restless. A normal thing by now. I was on a roll on a thing I delayed because I couldn't focus and then something happened to put it to a halt. Everything is just so complicated. I can't rest easy. 

Winds

 Glad to receive something new today but hopefully more will be coming just to stabilize things. I'm really interested in this new one because it will take me to another world I'm quite curious about. This is one of the things that I like doing because as someone always curious, getting a glimpse of another world is a treat!

Along

 There are thing I haven't move on but I'm just moving along as life goes on but still holding on to that hope that there will be vindication eventually. I really hope so.

Blood and Heat

 I'm so worried again but now double it up! I need to stay calm because I can't act out because it will just make things worst. But this is driving me insane and I'm really exhausted carrying so many stressul stuff on my shoulder. 

Hats

I get why people are really mad but I don't know, I think social media witchhunt is a pointless thing to do anymore and will just be harmful to one's mental health. But that's social media for you, it's just too unavoidable now. So I hope if this is getting too much for one's headspace, one should take a break. Recharge before you go back to staying vigilant. Don't let despair consume you totally.

Vote

 I felt I didn't want to feel empathetic anymore after some frustrating national-level events but eventually, I did move on from it and just let things be and focused on my family and work. I still get frustrated from time to time on a national level but while in the grand scheme of things I am powerless, I could still make those changes or live the life I believe is right in my own circle like my family and workplace. There are a lot of people in my workplace who made certain choices due to misguided thoughts influenced by online noises but in general, they are good people who really just want to do good for their family. Hostility is not the way to go even if it's really tempting to do so sometimes.

Not

 I'm feeling a lot of anxiety now from personal to world issues. The thing is I cannot control how the world works so why would I stress about it? I thought I could be numb with these anymore but I just can't help but care. I need to stop thinking about these things anymore and just focus on what I can do in my life where I am directly affected. 

Bit

After the hectic last few weeks, I'm now on a plateau. There's still pending matter but nothing immediate. I'm also spacing it out because the drought is coming unless something pops up soon. I really hope it does. Getting anxious again. How I wish it was 2022 all over again. 

Four in a Row

 It wasn't easy and I had to deal with some little personal drama along the way but thank goodness I was able to pull it off. I'm a little sad that my slate for the coming weeks is not that busy but still grateful for those that come along. Hoping and praying for more before the year ends. 

The Second Chance!

  "The Second Chance," the Thai remake of El Cuerpo Del Deseo, is coming to TV5 beginning next week! I was entertained while working on the dubbing because the flow is not boring at all!  I'm excited to see it on TV.

Bracelet

 One down. Not the pacing that I was targetting but better this than totally delaying again for no good reason. It's still a tall order to do everything I need to do but I will work my best because I do really need it. And I won't have much coming up after this back to back to back to back stuff I need to finish. But I do hope something good will go about soon, Just to easy my anxieties because as usual I think negatively in advance!

Yeah, yeah.

 Hoping to finish the first one tonight but could be a challenge because I let myself get distracted again and also getting distracted by other things too, Okay back to my goal again! I have more in the pipeline!