Holding it Together!

Chaos in my mind! So many things to think about, so many things to look after! I'm in shambles internally but need to be brave and controlled outside. I can't lose it because I now find myself in such stressful situations. Oh good heavens guide me!

2:30 PM

 Something inevitable happened, although there was assurance that we shouldn't panic or worry too much, but still we are a bunch of worrywarts and overthinkers, so it's hard to deal with it. I need to be strong for them and someone they can lean on. It's hard, but it's the sacrifice I'm willing to take. Lord, please guide us. 

In The Way

 A little annoyed, something always comes in to get in the way of things I want to finish. I do admit however, that I'm at fault too in some way. But still, I wanted this after those months of drought so I just let this annoyance out of my system and I go back to usual tomorrow!

Spiralling

 The thing I fear is happening again. I'm crestfallen. Hate it when things I worry actually happen. I know that's how life goes but when things like this happen I just feel so frustrated. I feel like I could never have nice things. I know people have bigger issues to deal with butt I'm really anxious right now. Lord, please hear my prayers. 

Minor.... is it?

 I'm getting paranoid again because of some result which is officially not really alarming but with the way my brain works, I'm still scared it could be a sign of something more dangerous in the long run. Oh God, please don't let my fear happen. I won't be able to handle it. Oh my, I need to calm down.

Pope Francis

 Pope Francis passed away today at age 88. I thought he was doing well already after the health scare for the past 2 months. But things like this happen when we are caught off guard. I'm sad because I find his presence comforting especially in this increasingly polarizing world and extreme personalities ruling over. I'm worried the next pope won't be the same. 

Rest in Peace, Pope Francis....

3/4

 I made the correct choice on what to focus on, but still a bit of a bummer because it took me long to finish it, and I didn't have the time to finish one more. Anyway, all good because I didn't rush that thing and made sure everything's alright. But I really wanted to hit all 4 this Lenten break. Another jam-packed week ahead! Happy, of cours,e but I really need to concentrate even further so all goals achieved and everything is maximized!

Peryodista

 This third one is proving to be a challenge. I knew it was coming, but I still dove in because I wanted to help. But I know it was to my detriment. I still have a few of these on the horizon and I made the decision to finish them first before I give in again because I have too much to handle these days. I need to look after myself and not just be on the lookout for everyone. But maybe I'll change my mind when I cool down, because I'm quite annoyed with how this one is taking too much time, because they just don't get it like I hate to be judgmental but is this the quality they are giving for their main one? I hope not because I understand not doing well here because this isn't their main role and I will do the adjusting anyway, but for their main focus, they shouldn't be giving this level of quality. I really hope not.  

Image

Second straight win for me! Another goal achieved! Hope to continue to maintain this pace for tomorrow! I haven't decided what I should prioritize next among 3 things. I'm leaning to doing something I delayed because I was not feeling to be honest but I want to fix one of the things that is meant for another wee. I'll sleep on it and choose tomorrow and keep this rolling! I love it!

Organization

 Whew! I'm so happy that I managed to meet my goal today, and hopefully, the momentum continues. This Lenten season is really the apt time for me to do this, and somehow, I was able to focus for quite a few hours! While I did that, I also had to do other stuff on the side. I feel happy whenever I get to fulfil what I wanted to do. Thank you, Lord, and more to come, yes!

Do Say

 I received another expression of gratitude from a dubbing director. It really warms my heart to receive those because when I started doing dubbing scripts 16 years ago, I never received any feedback unless it was negative, so that's why when there was an opportunity to do something else at the office, I immediately took the chance because my experience back then was quite disheartening. Although I admit, looking bac,k my early work was rough, so it makes sense. So I really made it a point when I had this chance to do dubbing scripts, I will do my very best to not mess up again. Sometimes I still do have diffiencies but nothing as awful as before and there have been a lot of dubbing directors who like my work and actually request to write for them and I really appreciate it so much and just fuels to do even better. 

Rosalinda

 

Coming back to Philippine TV soon! Proud to be part of the team for this project :)

5.2K

 The heat is insane! I felt like I was in a broiler room when I was in the jeep earlier. It's really so uncomfortable so yes even if the electricity bill is high, I don't mind just as long as I could sleep better with the aircon on! I don't spend on much on myself but yes one of the things I work hard for is to pay the electricity bill so we can sleep comfortably!

Crossed Out

 Finished one of my many tasks! Hoping the momentum continues for the rest of the week! It's gonna be a challenge but I feel excited doing it even if there's just so many things to consider and there are distractions that pop up every now and then. But hey this is what I wanted for so long and it's finally here, absolutely grateful!

Fan

 I bought electric fan today because my old one was broken and cost of repairing it will be expensive because it's an old brand and style that does not exist in the market anymore so extra mile to have it fixed. I'm using the new one now and it's working well to alleviate the heat these days so I hope it will last!

Growing List

 I have so many things to do because my duties actually expanded because I can't help myself but help out. It's a good thing of course because there's an overflow of blessings coming in. But I really need to manage my time better though so I can do everything I have on my list! But I'm happy, very happy!

Potential

 I really enjoyed watching High Potential! It's a basic case of the week show but I'm into this kind of shows again especially now that I'm older, I totally get the appeal even more of having episodic shows where everything is solved at the end of the episode. The key for shows like this to work is having a really good and charismatic lead which the show has with Kaitlin Olson! Looking forward to season 2!

Video Stop

 One of the rare instances where the YouTube algorithm suggested something truly worthy! This story of how a Video rental owner made a very kind gesture for a loyal customer with special needs is truly touching. There's so much hate and nastiness in the world right now that seeing a story like this will still make you believe that there are still people who are truly kind.

Tricycle

I always need to stay alert because I need to cater to whims and stubbornness. I'm tired of the same cycle really. I was about to say something about it, but I stopped myself because it would fall on deaf ears. I knew the reason why it is this way and frankly I'm tired but there's nothing I could do but try to balance everything and not fall to further stress because I will just lose. 

Lotus

 I've been watching The White Lotus Season 3 and while this season had some disappointing part but at least the finale was engaging. There is stuff I can nitpick, but at least it was not boring. And at least one casualty was justified! The best moment though is the great thought provoking monologue from Carrie Coon's character about times changing and how we find what keeps alive in as we grow older. So relatable and affecting!

Preach it

 I usually restrain myself from commenting on other people especially acquaintances on their hot takes posted on social media but this particular one just got me. Constantly posting bible quotes then you see commenting with such vile language, the total opposite of what they are preaching online (and I think offline too.) Just frustratingI know this person is nice in general, but how can they really go to such lengths now and lose their composure over this? I'm so frustrated and sad but this is how things are and I can't do anything to change it. I've given up but even though I just want to ignore things and just my mind own business but I can't help but feel this hopelessness whenever I encounter something that reminds me how everything has changed in nearly a decade. 

Solo

 There's a hot issue right now that just makes me ponder things. A lot of people still know what common decency is and yet with this particular popular person, a lot turn a blind, get defensive and make  excuses. It's frustrating to witness how that person really changed things. It's just so abrasive. I give up and just try to do focus on things I'm directly affected but somehow I still can't help but be affected with how a lot of things has changed for the worst. 

Steve

Saw a box office tracking report  that says Minecraft movie has a shot to open to 200M worldwide. I am not surprised if it will reach that point because Minecraft is not just a game but basically a community for teens and early 20s today; they grew up with this. Sure, there was a lot of snark when the trailer came out, but I always had a feeling a lot of those would still watch because it holds a special spot in their, call it nostalgi I guess! 

Go, go, go!

 So many things are happening, it's insane! But this is kind of busy schedule that I am craving for months and now it is happening! I'm loaded and it's gonna be hectic but bring it on! Hoping it will stay consistent all throughout the year!

Ahead

Things are good but I'm already planning to secure myself in case it gets slow again. I'm so paranoid I know, but better be safe. I still feel I won't get into something I like to be in, but things are just loaded now, and I can accommodate all that I want. Who knows, maybe I could eventually squeeze myself in, but I need to fix some things first and finish everything I have on the table. Again, really happy things are going OK so far and hope it continues furher.

Ola

 I almost came to returning somehow to a thing I really liked but it was not meant to be! A little sad but it's fine because there are so many doors open to me and I'm grateful for that. Who knows maybe I'll find myself on that road again. 

Jump!

And another one came in! It really keeps on pouring! We are a little overwhelmed but again  this is a good problem to have. I'm also loaded for things to do but no complaints, this is what I want. Prayed for this for so long. We did lose something big and honestly a source of pride but God opened new doors and I'm reallly thankful and grateful!

Casting

 Whew! Finished something quite challenging but definitely enjoyed it! There are more days like this ahead and I will cherish it. This is what I wanted and I'll make the most out of it because I do really need this as every weekend reminds me so! But it's totally fine, this is so much better than the miserable state I was in a few years ago. I don't want that. I can deal with this better and it's just simply a much comfortbale situation. Thank you, Lord! 

Hot and Cold

The weather is so chaotic! Sometimes hot, then it rains and it gets cold again. The kind of weather that makes you sick. Two weeks ago I felt somewhat off which is not a good thing because I have many things to do and now I've recovered from but the weather changes could lead to things. Hopefully not! Today, I decided to take a break and continue what I need to do tomorrow so I'll feel refresed and not push myself too much. Health is wealth!

Waffle

 And there's more coming in! It's a bit stressful but a good problem to have! I'm elated that I treated myself to another fruit shake but this time with a waffle! I really hope this new store will do good business because their products are good and can compete with big brands! Anyway, another busy weekend ahead! Let's do this! Thank you Lord for everything! I prayed so hard for this!

Shake

 I was sad when the long-time Zagu store near our place closed this year. It's my favorite shake, especially now that the summer heat is here! But I was so happy to see a new fruit shake shop open in its old space! It's a fresh fruit shake so healthier choice as well! Tried it for the first time earlier and solid for its price as well. I hope this will store will last!

Creme Brulee

 I finished working on something really challenging! I need to work on more things too over the next few days. I was thinking of doing some work on the other stuff I have in the queue, but hey, I need to remind myself to take a break as well. So tomorrow I'll be more energized to focus on so many things I need to work on. I've been praying for this for so long so that's it's finally happening I need to make the most out of it but not sacrificing personal time as well! I can do this, whew!

Pouring

Oh wow! After a significant time of drought, things are really pouring in! It's so many, it's hard to keep up with them. It's a good problem of course but still tricky to handle. But I'm very happy though because I was really so worried because of the dry spell. Now, ready to face everything! 

Handlebars

 I watched MYX International Top 20 over the weekend. First time in so many years! This song is a new entry; I instantly liked it the first time I heard it! I love the groove of this song, it has a hynoptic effect on me. I've listened it to multiple times on my commute to work and going home! Yes, as I typed this I'm listening to it!  The power of music to really get you in such a good mood despite some stressful things bothering you!

Sounding Board

 I'm used to being a sounding board but sometimes I feel stressed about it because I feel their stress and anxieties but I know they to vent so I just let it in. Life can be overwhelming so it's nice to unleash that inside of you. I do that here on this blog all the time. Sometimes when I reread some of things I put out here, there's a lot of nonsense stuff or to vague or whatever. Like I don't get anymore where was I coming from when I wrote that, hahaha! But oh well, this has been good way really to get myself in order. God knows how much I struggle each day with intrusive thoughts and having to trauma dump here once in awhile helps to keep me in check. 

Spoons

For the first time I ever I bought a spoon set for our house because for some reason we are running out of spoons! I don't know why on earth are they missing. We used to have a lot! Then suddenly we find ourselves missing spoons come meal time. I feel like some of the people are leaving it somewhere. We actually have kitchen utensils here hidden somewhere and only used when there are visitors! You know that Pinoy thing. I just find it funny that I'm really at this point of my life that I'm in charge of this kind of things now! But then I remember I'm in my late 30s already. Sometimes it still doesn't sink in to me. 

Highly Disappointing.

 Some things are simply inescapable and no matter how hard I try to avoid it, it's not just possible. It's simply everywhere. I'm really just more disappointed in how other people react conveniently forgetting other hideous things that happened. I would never truly get how could you just gloss things over. Oh well, I have given up about this particular matter long ago because I've accepted things have gone so deep, there's no going back anymore. I just chose to focus on my personal life, things I have control over. But sometimes it still seeps in, that person I am that I just want to set aside because it just leaves me frustrated and angry. Feelings I'm just trying to avoid. 

Overpass

 I have been so busy with work! I love it so much and although it gets a little overwhelming at times I think I managed it better now. Relieved that I didn't get distracted with stuff that would just upset me this time. I just need to focus on things directly relating to my life and loved one

Salonpas

 I'm in my Salonpas era! Feeling some muscle and body aches all over now. Well, I'm turning 40 in 2 years, so why am I surprised that these are happening to me now. I need a massage again, and I am hoping to squeeze it on Friday like last time!

Assist

 I've worked on a dubbing script for a mobile short drama for the past 2 days. Episode length varies from 2 to 4 minutes. It had a total of 80 episodes running over 2 hours. The story is so outrageous but can't deny they know how to hook you like triggering the viewer with how despicable the villains but you wanna see the protagonist triumph and get revenge. It's so basic but it knows the market well. Anyway, there are more things to do on the horizon and I'm glad!

Timeline

Whenever I feel awful, I dream of another life I could have had. Don't get me wrong, I'm okay with what I have because any absence of extreme kind of stress is good enough for me but well whenever I hit a bump every now and then I do fantasize or rather idealize a life I don't have and just see on others. I know reality isn't the same but let me dream, sob internally then I'll be okay after. I just have to let it out so I won't find myself crumbling deep inside. I know I will have many of these moments down the road but it's okay because I always think of a scarier scenario so I can appreciate dealing with upsetting moments that is just a blimp in the grand scheme of things. I don't want to repress what I feel so I do this, ramble here because I just need a way to get this all out of my system. 

Adolescence

 Just finished watching ADOLESCENCE on Netflix and it's one of the best I've seen in a while. I've been shying away from watching anything depressing lately but the trailer and the subsequent reviews piqued my interest. It's just 4 episodes but what a gut punch. It's so affecting and absolutely riveting. Episode 3 was so riveting and seeing how Jaime tries to control the situation but eventually slips up is just surreal and disturbing how a kid could do such a thing. But his rage was just so intense and scary that I really how it overwhelmed the psychologist in the end especially his reaction when she answered his final question, if she liked him and how she had to switch to her professional tone because it was necessary but she knew it was gonna be a blow to him. Episode 4 is good in showcasing how the family of a suspect could be so affected that even trying to make things normal is just hard to do. And the last few scenes of how the parents were figuring out why he did it and how culpable they are because "they made him" was a gut punch. And the scene in the room, all the pain! I understand why some won't like especially since it is not really constructed like the usual crime show, while we know the answers now but it's not directly said and there still things that were left unsaid like where is the knife etc. The last episode I could see it being divisive as the first half was just a slice-of-life and nothing really significant happened.I personally like the approach though because it felt more lived in but I get if there are people who won't

Unnecessary

I could have avoided it if I wasn't rushing things so my fault but still, I'm like this because of things that influenced me to be this way. It will pass I know but for now, I feel so terrible. That's why I try my best not to avoid this kind of stuff happening but there's always a slip up. If they could do their part and be considerate and let things go especially if it is just a small thing. I wish I didn't get bothered easily because it's such a heavy feeling but I'm so uncomfortable when stuff like this happens. I'm so tired of this but I knew this is how my life goes. Them realizing how I've been affected is a pipe dream. 

Hilot

I had a good back massage today after such a long time. I only did 30 minutes because I don't want to be stuck in payday weekend rush traffic but it was still good enough to alleviate some of the stiffness I felt the past few days. I always like getting massages from blind masseuse because their pressure feels more apt. Anyway, planning to have a full-hour session soon so I  can relax even more!

Hug

 I've lost hope that people will see what's really wrong about certain things. It's incredibly frustrating but what can I do right? Just move along and focus on my immediate concerns in life.

82

 Another one came in! So thrilled because this is what I want and drives me to do better. I'm kinda wishing for more to come, not gonna lie but hey the stuff coming is good, really good. At least it will keep calm as there will be stability for the succeeding months. Thank you once Lord for hearing my prayers. 

Multiple

 It was another busy today and really happy things are looking up after the lull. Hopefully, I can juggle things better so I can have more to do and thus reap more benefits. I do really need more because things are tight. Very grateful, thank you Lord.

Bay

 Previewed this show for an upcoming project. It will be a challenging one since the show's background is in the tech business so I need to read up that the translation I will do won't sound ridiculous. I hope it will be as interesting as the last one we did for this particular client. It was a business-heavy show too about shoes and I was really fascinated to get a look into that kind of world. So I'm hoping the same for this new one.

No More

Yesterday, I was able to confirm what I knew all along but I just refused to acknowledge it as the truth because it sucks so bad. I was definitely sad but I'm okay now. I finally face things head-on. It was great while it lasted and I hope one day the paths will cross again. For now, I look forward to the other doors opening soon and hopefully, there will be more to come. 

Freon

 Not my ideal pace but at least I'm moving along and not getting distracted with pointless things. I could have started earlier but there are house things I need to take care like helping out with the aircon cleaning earlier, lifting things and such. Glad we had our aircon cleaned today because it's getting very hot lately and there's one luxury I am willing to spend is to have aircon at night so we can sleep better.

Step Away

 Another packed weekend ahead! But I can do this! I know I can do it. Hopefully, I won't get distracted by noises! And I don't mean the actual noise but the distraction I get myself into willingly. This weekend especially has something that could lead me down an unproductive path! Resist!

Very Grateful.

 Thank you Lord for the good news today. I wasn't thinking about it too much lately because I will just be paranoid but everything looks okay and hopefully stays that way. I've been quite stressed over some stuff lately but hearing such good news lifted my spirit.  I really needed that.

On

 So happy we have upcoming multiple projects! Excited to work on those projects very soon. Times are hard so when there are opportunities, I really feel happy. It's still not the same as it was 3 years ago but I can't complain because we are still afloat in such a hard time. Hoping for more as always but very grateful.

Lunchbox

 This project I'm working on got me instantly hooked. It's such a simple romance story but it's so light and breezy to watch and I can't help but smile while working on it. It is something pleasant that's so needed in such an increasingly stressful world! Not that we are ignoring life as it is but there's nothing to get your mind off heavy and immerse to something light and sweet. 

Hear, hear!

I'm working on something new today and I could already the challenges I will face! Hoping to finish this by tomorrow so everything will be all good! My biggest enemy as always is me! But I'm gonna try my best to get things done with good results!

C'est la vie

I knew how this weekend would turn out exactly! I just don't have the energy sometimes and maybe there's adrenaline too sometimes when I'm on a roll and once it is thwarted, nothing. I need to find a way to fix this issue I have but I always think that maybe it's also good for me that I do it too so I can give myself and my mind a break. Or maybe I'm just excusing myself. I've been over this so many times already! I hope I can find the right system eventually, 

Auto 2

 I signed up for Amazon Prime Video mainly because a project I worked on is streaming there and I was credited!  The English-dubbed version of Brazilian movie "O Auto Da Compadecida 2" (The Rogue's Trial). Always a treat to see my name even though I know I'm the only one who care about these things and no regular viewer checks this out but I don't care! Just proud!

Sold

I was on a roll then made the mistake of taking a peak elsewhere and now I'm sad again because of reading about this development. It does not affect me directly but I've been way emotionally invested about it so I can't help but feel sad. Damage is still there and I dunno for how long. I should just completely give up on it because you know no personal connection but still, it's just sad. It represents something deeper if I think things through. 

Automated

My friend who is in the outsourcing industry lost her job today due to redundancy but they all know it's because the company they are working for is pivoting to AI. Just scary times really. That's one of my worries that the industry I am in gets usurped by AI too. Hopefully not.

Playback

I've been in 90s/early 00s teen pop music Youtube rabbit hole these days especially the ones who didn't have that much legacy or longevity like Five, B*Witched, BBMak, Plus One and one that surprised me was Billie Piper, I've read her mentioned about her because she's a respected TV actress now but I didn't know I knew 2 of her songs (Because I Want To and Day & Night) until recently!  Anyway, of course I have the classic ones so to speak like Westlife and Backstreet Boys. YouTube is like a time machine. Nice to look back and give you that feeling of that time again when you are still young and have zest in life. Glad to have that time. 

Compartmentalizing

I'm still worried! Trying my best to control things though and I believe I did job controlling it so as not to affect other people and me as well. I really some good news will happen this week because it will definitely help my mood because I have something to look forward too. Oh, how I miss that one thing we lost. It made me so proud. Tough luck. 

RF

 I really try my best not to make mountains out of molehills but I'm getting tested always. Why should I always be the one to handle these things? I'm so annoyed, always me. If I complain there will be reaction that I can't deal too. So getting tired to be in this kind of situation, always adjusting to everyone all the time. 

Reset

I didn't have anything immediate so I let myself wander and waste time again it was fun at first but I got annoyed with something so insignificant again. So yeah, stepping back again because I don't have too much emotional investment on what's supposed to be just for fun. I have real  things to deal with so I don't need that energy in my life. 

Rodeo

  It's hard to muster enthusiasm these days for some of the things I am passionate about. You feel the struggle. You feel the odds are against you. You want to feel hopeful but you don't want your heart to get broken when it ultimately fails. It's a tough road to take but you really can just stay on the same place so you need to keep on moving hoping for the best. 

Fifty Five

 Just when I learned to accept to let that thing go, something came in that will basically replace it. Thank God! I feel a little better now that at least I get a chance to make up from walking away from that one. 

Thirty Five

 Since this mishap happened twice already and there's one common dominator here, I can't help but think I really should take a pause overcompensating. I would still do help out and assist but not to my detriment anymore. Sometimes, I feel like it's a selfish thing to do but I always help out and I don't think it's bad to set some limits, right? I feel guilty to think this way but I'm getting affected already or maybe I'm just finding things to blame? All this will be solved if something that fits will arrive soon so everything can have one. Oh! It's quite bothering me. I wish the mistakes didn't happen so I don't feel down again. 

Seeing Double

 Since I'm non-confrontable and I try to avoid issues as much as possible I decided to let something go instead of correcting it because I'm afraid of the complications that would arise from it. That's one of the thing I hate about myself but I'm just too paranoid and overthinker. Oh well...

Electric

 Things are looking up, hoping I don't jinx of course. I was really worried but thank God the rays of hope are coming. I always get like this, so freaking scared of losing everything. I always want assurance things are gonna be okay. I know that isn't how life works but constant struggle is exhausting. Then again, I don't give up completely although I torture myself internally but outside of course I always handle myself better and even cheer up other people's morale as a way to help myself as well.

Now, I still hope that one comes back. It's basically over but I still cling to little hope it may return. I really loved that. 

This Shall Pass Hopefully.

 Sometimes I wish my mind was set on something else. A business mind. A scientific mind. A ruthless mind. My creative and soft mind didn't allow me to prosper. I hate to admit but it is the truth. I wish I was tougher and a go-getter. I enjoy what I do but times like this when there's so much needed to be done that what I have is preventing to reach further heights, I often think about what ifs. It's not healthy I know but I can't help myself from feeling this way. I wish to feel better soon because I hate having these lingering thoughts. 

Restless

 I want to take time off for myself but it's just hard for me to do that. No place and time for that. I used to squeeze that before but something changed and I couldn't do it anymore. I miss having those times but it's not the same anymore, too many things factoring in that I simply can't do it. Because taking time off will just make me think of things I need to worry about too that I'm just trying to escape. At least I get good sleep though, that's enough for now. 

Treat

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Nothing really alarming but just me having a difficult time because I'm a nervous wreck. Always scared things could fall apart. I read a quote online and I'm paraphrasing this that the things that torture us is 99% of how we treat this issue than the issue itself which is the exact description of my personal ordeals. I wish I could know how to handle this better. To give myself credit, I don't lash out to anyone. It's just me dealing with it internally. I just want to avoid further complications because I know for a fact if I do last out, it's me who will lose out in the end.

The Heart

Unlike other single people (especially men), I don't hate this day in fact even with the commercialization of it all, I'm a sucker for anything romantic so I like that there's a day to celebrate love. Do I sometimes feel envious? Of course but I know reality is different and I can't handle things like that. I have too much baggage and other personal matters to take care of to have space for that in my life. Sometimes I dream about what if I had a wife and my own family, but my mind always snaps back to reality and I know that it is not just feasible for me. I mean, I wrote here years ago when I was a teen that I felt I'm just not destined for that and now in my late 30s, I'm right. I just knew it back then. I made my peace with it and I'm not really desperate for affection either. Because the past few years, I just wanted to settle for general peace of mind, I don't want to complicate my life further and drag someone else too. But do I like seeing people in love? Absolutely. 

Splurge

 Whenever I see people online spend so much on hobbies and stuff, I can't help but be annoyed and yes jealous. I wish to have that dispensable money to spare. I never thought I would be ever in this position to be in a way the breadwinner. It's so tough but I need to march. Lord, please guide me.

Buffalo

 Sense of dread is here again. I feel restless, there's something I need to do but this lingering feeling is once again affecting me. I don't want this to be a habit but I'm getting scared of the future. I need some good news to happen soon to give me a boost. Just difficult when you worry on things you have no control with. Add to that are unexpected things that made things more complicated. Please Lord, let some good news happen soon. 

Listen up!

I'm not really into rap songs except  those with pop flavor, but watching Kendrick Lamar's Superbowl Halftime show engrossed me. I knew the hits (Humble, Not Like Us, and Luther) but the others I was not familiar with caught my attention. Another rapper that caught my attention lately is Doechi, Denial is a River is masterclass storytelling with such good flow. She and Kendrick really made me appreciate the power of storytelling in music regardless of genre. Once it connects, it hits no matter what

Interesting.

What a busy weekend for me and glad I was able to do both tasks while still doing house errands. I only have one pending not immediately due but I hope finish it up soon and also receive more new stuff to come in. I need and want to be busy and hopefully new stuff will be coming soon as well. 

Mamihasa

 Finished doing this enjoyable but quite hard task. I have one more thing left to do and have limited time to pull it off as well. I got lucky because the other person involved is very nice but I can't be complacent too because everything has a limit and I don't want to push that. So I'll sleep do my Sunday home tasks then off to finish this thing. FOCUS!!!!

Truffle

 I've been working on something quite tricky to do. And what kinda sucks is that it's not a sure thing too. Just a demo. A sample. So I need to work extra hard to make this good and hopefully will land us with something nice in the end. I really want to get this too! So back to working on it now!

Rising

 Finish another dubbing project today. It was a bit more time-consuming than I originally intended but it was a good show to work on. I enjoyed doing it because the story is so good and engaging. Now on to the next (hopefully!)

No Matter What

 Watching a documentary on DailyMotion now. It is kind of amazing Daily Motion is still here after all these years despite YouTube reaching great heights. I guess it is being relatively small helps to find some gems you could never find on YouTube. 

Pantry

I've seen an unnecessary thing earlier on. I'm not involved but somehow I feel it was the wrong approach. But then again not in the position to make a comment about it. I can't help but feel it will alienate people and could lead to bigger problems on the horizon. But well mind my own business I guess and just focus on myself because I'm not the one to deal with other issues when my plate is already full. 

Bente

 I posted this 20 years ago! I discovered about blogging on PEx too so I tried it out. 20 years!!! It's been that long. This small smace online has been a home of sorts. And I really Google will keep blogspot running for many years to come!

Yue

I was working on something that gave me some little annoyance because I felt like I kinda got shortchanged of my own doing but it was something I really got engaged doing. It's about to end now and I hope another one in similar nature comes in soon because I do like working on stuff like this but hopefully, next time I manage things better so I don't felt like I got my

Back Up

 After almost a month of doing channel grids again, I finally found my groove and developed a system that makes things more efficient. I still miss TeleNovela Channel from time to time, I really enjoyed overseeing the channel's operations but glad to do programming grids again for another cable channel. I really join in mapping things out and planning the schedules and all. It's been quite a busy week with doing that while also balancing writing/editing dubbing scripts too. I sometimes get a little overwhelmed and get frustrated but then again glad to be busy at the end of the day. 

Dodged

It was a chaotic week for me but well more on the inside only. As always I didn't share everything I'm dealing with. Just blurting it out here... vaguely. Let's face it, speaking out what I truly feel will just add more stress and I'd rather solve things immediately even though I have to make sacrifices. It's okay because it is better than emotional torture. Despite some recent stress-inducing moments, I'm so grateful I didn't make a big mistake and boy it was so close.  Thank you Lord for guiding me.

Amilyar

 Good thing the thought came into my head or else it will be forgotten. I'm annoyed that it has to be me again, but I do what I must do because I need to get things done first rather than waste time with nonsense blabbing the others do. 

Deleted

 Proud to say that I got myself back after that near lapse of judgment! If I did that yesterday, I would have regretted it so much today. I know that life will throw a lot of this type of tests as I go forward and I really hope that I will be able to stand my ground each time. 

999

 Almost made a mistake but good thing I kept on reading and reading then found the red flag and quickly made a turnaround. That was so close, that my judgment was affected by other factors that led me to do something that almost led me to make a mistake I had a few years ago. Oh, thank you, Lord, for giving me the signs, and sorry that I ignored them at first. 

Background Work

 Since I'm back doing channel grids, I got back into watching a show "on background" while I do it. For some reason it helps me stay focused and not be sleepy when something is playing in the background. Sometimes,it's a podcast but now since I have a Disney+ subscription for one month, might as well use it. The show I chose is American procedural Tracker. A perfect background show! It's a case of the week where everything gets solved at the end of the episode and it's not so complicated. I already seen 3 episodes while I accomplished 2 grids and an EPG at that! 

Flip Flop

 I really want something but head says no. I wan to make a measured move so I won't feel that bad if they do pursue it. I need to get something out of it even if it's not what my ultimate goal is. Just something. But then I don't want to regret after it's done which I usually do. Another messy phase!

Back Hidden

 Okay, I made an impulse buy today. Not expensive but it's something I buy for collection purposes only. I've strayed from doing this because money is tight and I've been responsible for so many things now. However, this time I felt why not give in to something that makes me feel happy because it's a throwback to a thing I used to do when I was a teen. A little reward to myself. 

Near

 This will turn 20 next month. I've been posting every single day for the past 4 years too. Nonstop, even though I don't share it publicly these days. So if you know it, nice but I'm fine shouting things to the void as it is. It helps me unburden my chaotic thoughts.

Sweetie

 Another day where I did a lot. But glad to be of help of course. I do realize some things I need to be patient for because I need to sort out some things to avoid miscommunication and also not to put pressure too much because it's a tight situation where there's less reward compared to other opportunities, so you have to balance things up to avoid exhaustion. But sometimes it takes a toll on me personally. So I do need to learn to slow things down especially so that I don't have to compensate because of added things that make things more stable compared to before I had to show that I'm not abusing things and such. In the end, I still like what I accomplished but moving forward, I need to balance things so as not to end up where everything's chaotic and messy. 

Potential

 I was really busy today like I was shocked when I noticed it wasn't 12 noon yet earlier when I did so many things already. Of course, I love it and hopefully it will lead to some good things in the future. I have another stacked day tomorrow but let's go!

Closed

 I wanted to do something out of the blue and a little reckless but well I guess the universe stopped me. A little bummed but I knew subconsciously it was good in the grand scheme because I could regret it later on! 

Tomorrow

A lead is nice, will do my best to make it work. Well, not like it's all one me but I'm the starting point then they take over but I need to make things smooth from the get-go so everything can start well. I hope we get it. We need it so much. 

Plea

 My heart sank when I read something that confirmed what I'd been wary about the past few months. On shaky ground. Surviving but not prospering. Down times are here again. I miss 2022 when it all happened. Now, there's the struggle. Still not in panic mode but it is quite scary when things don't pick up soon. It sucks that thing ended. Oh Dear Lord, I hope a blessing arrives soon. 

Progress

 I was watching something that said something that resonated with me that when something is taken away from you, you get to appreciate it more. Even at the time when you felt like you got tired of it or embarrassed about it at some point when you lost it you will look back and look what you've lost. And if it somehow returns, the appreciation is intense. 

Day Out

There's a good thing that happened today and it was a break from the ordinary life in this era and I was quite happy about it but then again, my anxiety kicked in and my mind went overboard thinking that it could be a sign of bad news next. Please don't let this feat manifest, dear Lord. I'm sorry such a paranoid guy, I just can't help but feel this way.  But still, I'm grateful for the good day. Cherishing it. 

Not the one.

 Sucks to see another confirmation of what we missed out on. It has been known essentially for months, but I continued to hope there's still a chance it will be favorable to us. But nope, it's really over. I loved doing that and it pains me that the door has closed. But there's nothing I can do but just march on.