Struggles

One thing that deeply bothered me from the accounts of Typhoon Odette victims is the current struggle to get clean drinking water. Due to the power shutdown, many water refilling stations can't operate and so bottled water supply quickly ran out. It is quite jarring to find out how big a problem this is. A country surrounded with water and natural resources struggling to get clean water supply. I feel so much for the people struggling right now.

And this happening with Christmas happening this week. I can't imagine how the people affected right now are dealing with this crisis in a season that's supposed to be happy.

Odette

 It's just today that I realized how Typhoon Odette left such big lasting damage in Visayas and Mindanao. Somehow I feel like we were all caught off guard by how disastrous this would be?  I don't know if it just me but I felt news coverage felt lacking too?  Or maybe because I'm here in Mega Manila which was not directly affected. I've seen a lot of outcry due to problems in cellphone signal and lack of basic necessities life safe drinking water. We have relatives in Bohol who got affected too with big damages in their houses and some still unreachable;. I reached out to a friend based in Cebu but no response on my message. I hope he and his family are safe. 

Treat

 I don't get to do it often because funds are limited and allocated already to essentials so I felt really happy I was able to treat my family with my 13th month. It was just simple, chicken, liempo, pancit and donuts I bought from stores here. Despite all my frustrations and anxiety, I can still find joy in simple things and give my mind a break from endless worries. 

One Step Back

My nephew had his first dose of Pfizer anti COVID19 vaccine today! He will have his second dose in early January. I'm glad he finally got one because just in case they'll finally return to face-to-face classes sometime next year, we will be more at ease. He definitely wants to return to the actual school because online school just isn't the same and admittedly he gets attracted to it because the temptation to play games on the side while having classes is just there! Also, he is a young teenager now and it's quite a crucial time too and I do think having interaction with fellow teens in person is essential in shaping up his personality too. Hopefully, all things will be better by next year. Please Lord let this new variant be something that can't be controlled easily by vaccines. 

Season's Bits

 My nephew had a "virtual" Christmas party today. He participated via Microsoft Teams and even had a presentation to him dancing All I Want For Christmas is You in Santa Claus. I know he hated it now that he's 13 but he's cooperative as always. I picked up his exchanged gift at school. Hopefully, next year he can have real Christmas party with his classmates. 

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My siblings had Christmas grocery from their bosses! It's a nice touch and save us from buying such stuff like spaghetti, ham, fruit cocktail!

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Received my 13th month today, yehey! Last year it got delayed to January this year which was a bummer but understandable given how financially hard it was. I had my expectation low this year and prepared myself if it will be delayed again especially that our company is still not in top form given the retrenchment last month. So it coming today is a pleasant surprise. Thank you Lord!

Tow

To save money, I've tried commuting to work via jeep and bus again just like in the pre-pandemic times. Not everyday though because riding the van is just more convenient especially going home but I need to save up money. The bus to Ayala from Alabang has changed now notably that for the fare a card must be used. I'm fine with that since the card is free anyway. Earlier though I chose to ride an ordinary bus *no aircon*  to save more money but bad timing the bus broke down in the middle of the expressway with no options for us commuters but just wait for the tow service to get the bus to a place where we can ride a bus to Ayala. It took over an hour before I got to the office because of that incident! But since I leave home earlier than most people, I still got in before 8AM but I could have been there by 6:30AM! And this day was quite hectic for me with lots of task to finish but I made it through thank goodness. 

And that's it.

 Today was the last shot for me to open that window of something I really wanted to do but ultimately I chose to close it because it's just not practical for me to pursue it. It's not really a big life changing matter but it's a small thing that could have brought me temporary happiness. I knew I made right choice because I acted rationally and not on impulse but still I can't  help but feel sad that a small matter like this is like a big decision for me due to my life's limitations and the pursuit of convenience. 

Breach

 So there's this massive hack with BDO that led to a lot of people transferring money to a Union Back account with "nagoyo" as a surname! This is quite scary because you would think the biggest bank in the country will have the tightest security! I have had my savings there since I was a teen because they are the biggest so confidence is high. I've checked my payroll and savings account and thankfully not part of those who got victimized. I guess it helped that I don't do online banking because I'm generally a paranoid person. And yeah this incident will not help things further

Ajar

 So my brother has this possible new job opportunity from his wedding godmother and Tatay's former co-worker. This should be a no-brainer given that his current company is having financial troubles, delayed salaries and such. But I know he is having second thoughts because he is loyal to his bosses and has a personal relationship with them. He might feel that he is gonna offend by jumping ship in time of a crisis. I wish he could be practical especially since he is married now but with no kids yet but what if it finally happens? I do understand him and somehow I could relate to. I wish we are more like other people that are tough when it comes to decisions like this and make the leap. Too much emotional factor clouding our judgments to be honest. Lord please guide my brother. 

Hethler

 A friend whom I met on Pinoyexchange passed away yesterday. His name is Hethler and was initially a poster of the Anime forum then the ABS-CBN thread and also International TV and Movies. He eventually became a moderator and hosted a couple of games too. He would given generous prizes personally. I met him personally a couple of times and he is such a pleasant and nice guy. I don't know the details on the cause of death but last month he poste that he hospitalized and discharged after 17 days. I wished I asked how he was when I had chance. We haven't been in touch for quite awhile  and I regret that. Rest in Peace Hethler, may God bless your soul. 

Yeah, Nope.

 The plan that was supposedly spoiled last night actually didn't push through because of my choice too. I was just reminded that what I was planning to do is not practical at this point in my life. Yeah, it sucks but I need to be level-headed about it. Again, this so-called is not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things, it was something frivolous even but it would have brought me some joy. I felt I deserved it too but I was not gonna enjoy it anyway with all the other factors that would bug me anyway. I hope I can find a time where I can do that plan again. 

Can't Say No!

I planned something again tomorrow which a part of it are spoiled already because well circumstance where a decision was made without consulting you first and then lays it to you which catches you off guard. It's not a big deal to be honest but I can't help but get annoyed! Small issues that I just keep it to myself to prevent unnecessary stress. 

Preview

So a political motorcade today scares me because there was this viral clip of supporters being so obnoxious to a media institution and there's this political ally loudly proclaiming they have shut that company down and a reason for that they should be voted to higher power. And there were cheers from the crowd. Is this how gonna be the country's future be like? Just as I thought that what happened during this pandemic will be a wake up call, it feels like they felt more emboldened. I am scared of the future. I feel so hopeless. 

Adjust

 I had some plans for tomorrow that got averted because I need to adjust for certain family needs. Not gonna lie it's a bit of a bummer but I know deep in my heart this is the right and responsible thing to do.  I do hate feeling this way - of having some resentment. I'm 34 and I need to be more of an adult and stop acting like a child having tantrums of not having his way. Although to be fair to me, I only do tantrums to myself and do not show it to anyone else. I've been doing a lot of adjusting in my life to the convenience of others but that's what you do to the people you love the most.

Prolonging

I am puzzled why some people choose to make things more complicated when there's a solution that is simpler and directly addresses the issue. If you choose to keep things testy then why drag other people and hassle their lives just to give you convenience. I'm tired but I don't speak up because I know they won't listen and will just their turn the table against me. Why bother? Why add more stress to my life that's full of it already? I'm exhausted but I need to hold it together despite how everything is getting harder and harder to deal with.

Drama

 I'm tired of being in the middle of  family drama. An unnecessary drama. But I can't tell that or else more unnecessary drama will ensue. I'm tired of bad energy. I'm shielding Nanay as well from this drama so she won't get affected because it won't be good for her health. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff to and I get stressed all the time but I try my best to hide it from them especially Nanay. When she's in a foul mood and ultimately snaps at me too, it hurts a lot but I brush it aside acting as if I didn't get hurt because more than ever Nanay's health is a big priority. I hope some of my family will think that whenever they want to stir drama when they can prevent it from doing so. We have bigger things to think about.

Not gonna lie these are the moments where I wish I live independently. That I have my own life away from them. That I get to live the life I dreamed of. But God led me to this path I guess because who would be the one looking out for them? Maybe it is my purpose and I accept it.  It's just hard to take it all in sometimes. 

Here We Go Again

 It happened again, nothing really changes. I'm trying to just not care at all anymore but it's hard when you're the one directly hit even if you have no involvement at all. In an ideal world, I would cut this nonsense and be firm but I can't because doing so will just create bigger issues where in the end I'm still the one who resolves it and lower my pride. Pride? Do I still have that at a respectable measure? I don't know. Life flies by where I do nothing of significance. I try not to think about it anymore but what I can do if life continues to remind that I am nowhere. 

Additional

 Happy to learn today that a work project has been renewed for two more years so yeah that's job security especially at this time! I used to think this project will have a limited shelf life and that I was just staying on until it's over and what do you know it's still here and will be staying for the foreseeable future. The past 2 years have been rough so having this still a constant in my work life is at least a comfort with life's so many uncertainties. 

My Spotify Wrapped 2021... partially!

 I'm a little annoyed the Spotify Wrapped 2021 won't work on my phone so I can't access to my stats yet and as a chart geek it's torture! I did get my top 100 songs playlist but I need the other stuff! It's annoying that it is app exclusive now unlike before you can see a web version of it! Anyway, here's my top 10 *technically 11 but one song is listed twice due to two versions!

1. Easy on Me - Adele

2. Leave The Door Open - Silk Sonic

3. Happier Than Ever - Billie Eillish

4. Elyu - Ben & Ben (local song)

5. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

6. Cut & Run -Lifehouse

7. Papercuts - Machine Gun Kelly

8. Happier Than Ever Edit - Billie Eillish

9. Binibini - Zach Tabudio (local song)

10. Good 4 U - Olivia Rodrigo

*11. Bad Habits - Ed Sheeran

Happier Than Ever is likely my real #1 given my consumption of both the full and edited version 

Proactive

 Just listened to a podcast about the new covid variant and it somehow gave me relief. Not that it did cross out the possibility of this not being a bigger threat, far from that! But what gave me some assurance from this is how the scientists acted quickly on this new variant and announced it to the world to caution us. I admit the fear of what could go horribly wrong clouded my judgment. It is a good thing they warned the world as early as now before this becomes uncontrollable anymore. We are still in a wait-and-see mode as further studies are being done but at least is being done at the early stage of this variant. Praying this really won't be deadly and won't escape the vaccines. 📿