Tissue

 Alright, I confirmed I expected but I can't let it bring me down because what I need to provide is priority. As long as I don't do anything wrong, it's okay, I will just let it be. But it does worry me because I've been on the same rodeo before but well I gotta be cautious then!

Relief

 So yeah after some very intense and insane series of days, I decided to do a pause today because the thing I need to finish can be done tomorrow. After what I've witnessed recently, it really is better if you don't give your all and make your life revolved around something because it could cloud your judgment and make impulsive decisions that would make you regret things!

Lands

I'm worried about yet another thing that hasn't happened yet, but you see, I will calm down. I will not meddle; I will let them do their thing. I shouldn't overstep. Hopefully, things will turn out okay and what needs to be done will be accomplished. 

Next time

 I was working on something that got me emotional in the end! I didn't saw it coming but it showed me the value of time really and not to take things for granted! Also, not waste time holding grudges and prolonging drama!

Flames

 My brain is so tired. My heart is so tired. But I can't give up. I can't afford to give up. I need to calm down. I need to control my emotions. I need to stay on track. I need to protect whatever peace of mind I still have left. 

Wallowing

 It hurts me to say that I'm running out of patience with empathizing. I totally get now why they had to distance themselves. And I need to step back too. I feel so drained just absorbing. I gave my best to boost the morale but you have to choose to rise up from it. Oh well, I need a little distance now. 

Adjustments

So...many...changes... I have to adjust and adapt to the changing tides.  I'm quite uncomfortable but I have no choice to march forward. I have to watch over their welfare too because challenging times ahead, we need to stay united and focus on one goal. Oh dear Lord, please help me. 

Messy. Messy

 Letting it all in again. Absorbing the negative energy again. Thinking that things could be worse and these are just little issues in grand scheme of things.  Have a deep breath then move forward

Main Shaft

 Whew, met my goal today! Hoping the rest of the week will be smooth sailing even if there's a lot of things that are challenging me (and yeah annoying me too but I try to keep things in check) It's gonna be a tough one ahead but I will remain focused. For now, I will take a well-deserved rest! I need to recharge!

The Muppets

 I watched The Muppets Show special on Disney+ and my heart was aflutter! I don't know about the theme song and the general feel is just full of wholesome fun! The opening with Sabrina Carpenter singing child and the chicken muppets dancing was pure joy! The end part is hopefully they could do more and I hope so too!

Swamped

 So many things to do but I will manage to pull it all off! I will need some help of course and careful focus. No time wasted. Don't get distracted. Focus on the goal. Let's do it!!!

21 years

My first post 21 years ago! It's been that long! Glad to have this online space for me to vent,ramble and basically unload whatever is on my mind! It helps really to be normal outside, haha. Hopefully, Google won't shut this down!

.

Circumstances

Some good things came in but some lingering issue is making me feel a little bit anxious. It's hard not to sympathize but not get drawn to the misery of others too because it affects you too. Difficult situation. Unfortunate circumstance. What a tough year so far. 

0314

Okay, processing some shocking news today. I had a feeling it would happen but I was hoping it was just paranoia but sadly, things are really indeed worse. I'm worried, deeply worried for the future. But I need to do my best for the future. Or what I could salvage from it. Scary times. 

Consultations

 I've been absorbing stress and anxiety from other people lately and man it's so hard to deal with. I am emphathetic of course but it will really test your patience because it doesn't seem like whatevery your saying is really being heard and you just feel like they don't want to listen but just wants you to listen. Bu I do feel for the agony, I'm pretty anxious too but I'm also practical that I can't afford to freeze my life because I have a lot of things going on that needs me to be in check always. Anyway, I do sincerely they will battle their inner demons eventually

Resurgence

 I absolutely how The Bloomfields' cover of Ale is once again popular! I bought the CD of thier album where this song was included back in 2007! Nostalgia of course but it's such a good vibe, makes you forget all of life's worries!

Reenergized

I had a good afternoon nap today! A good sleep clears your mind really! Yesterday was challenging so I needed this dat especially since I'm gonna face something stressful and challenging to up ahead! So yeah, let's go!

Disrupted

My mind was so preoccupied today! Of course, there were a lot of stressful moments but I had to be calm or else there will be chaos. I was a little annoyed because my system got disrupted but what can I do but yet again adjust! Things turned out okay in the end but hopefully there won't be big problems on the horizon. Please don't!!!!

Order

 Something that I thought that passed will likely haunt me again and it sucks because I thought everything's over already but nope it has to potentially come back to make me go crazy in my inner thoughts again! It was a big mistake on my part to volunteer myself to do something stressful because I thought I was helping out but eventually I just realized it's all because I got swept in by someone's else negative energy. Argh! I empathasized with that person but it really took a toll on me and now I'm scared of the worst case scenario yet again. Please Lord, guide me and protect me from my fear of things turning out in a bad way

Expectations

 Oh my goodness, two big things on the horizon that's stressing me a little but hey I can do this! Let's do this! It's quite scary to think about it now but I should not feel panic and anxiety early on! I can realistically do it with some help of course. The right balance and focus, let's do this. I need this, we need this!

Capitulo

 Hoping for good news tomorrow! I prod a bit to make the push to ask because we need it so bad. Personally, I also need to feel the security of having it around. I hope there would be more to come. Please, please, please.

Sides

 Fingers crossed for more! I went hard the past few days because there's a need for it and I also need. I still worry about a lot of things that can make stuff complicated but just gotta have faith that things will be okay. That everything can go back in order. But we really need more to come, badly need it!

What's Ahead

 Whenever I think about the future, which I do a lot, it often scares me. Both on personal level and the society as a whole. Time seems to move fast or maybe we are just way too conscious about it. Too self aware how everything is changing. So that's why I want to notice much anymore and overthink. Because it's a waste of time and also torturing yourself. 

Cool Breeze

I love the cold weather, I wish this were the weather during the holidays! But better late than never! It's such a bed weather, I would just love to relax! But the timing is kinda inconvenient due to ther other things but I will work it out!

Hot and Cold

 So much chaos surrounding me. Nothing explosive on the surface but it is lurking from all corners of my life. I try my best to stay calm, I do things to get my mind out of it but I really can't escape from it. Oh well.

Lease

 One of the early surprises for me this new year is nagsara na yung Jollibee sa Glorietta! It's been in the same spot since I first visited Glorietta as a child in the 90s. I'm sure they didn't close due to low sales because palaging puno yun. Today, I saw a sign  they are opening a new store at the One Ayala MRT station side. I guess it makes sense to move there because of the foot traffic but still, it's strange not to see Jollibee in Glorietta anymore. I felt the same way when the Mercury Drug and Wendy's Glorietta branches closed down after decades of being in the same spot. It's not a big deal I know but it's just a strange feeling to witness so many changes in a place you've known for so long.

Ten AM

Okay. Ready, get set, Go!!!! It would be hard but I can do this. I need this anyway so I can focus and reach this goal. It's for the better so let's go and pull this off while maintaining top form quality. I still have two to go for the next few days so I need to hurry up!

Purchased

 Bought a new book today! Death's End, the final book in Three Body Problem series which fascinated when I got to work on the English dubbing of the chinese adaptation. It's the thickest book of the three and excited to read it!

Ahead

 Out of impulse, I did something that is quite responsible but will also challenge me in the meantime. But I did the right thing because of wasting resources, I did something that will put some thing settled earlies than usual. Now, I need to be more cautious because planning ahead needs discipline for the represent. So help me, God!

Ate Aida

 While I was doing my weekly palengke trip today, I was sad to see the stall of Nanay's suki for tilapia already occupied by a new tenant selling vegetables. She hasn't been there for a few months already but it was still sad to see it permanent. She was very nice to me when I started taking over the palengke duties when Nanay got sick and she's always asking me how she is. Oh well, changes. 

2016

 So social media trend lately is people being nostalgic and romanticizing 2016! Well, it's been 10 years so I can understand how overwhelming it feels but I guess because 2016 is already modern so it still feels fresh in our minds. But times have changed lot in 10 years, the pandemic years added a lot of years in our lives while at the same time it feels so recent as well! Oh well, time flies!

Rescue

 I'm so glad something I was wondering finally was confirmed today! I was worried for a bit but good thing I still trusted my capability. I let out a sigh of relief now on to working on it! This week has been another complicated one but I I think I did my best to balance things and be supportive and helpful. Hope things will have a brighter path ahead

Closed Down

 On my way home, I was surprised when I got off the jeep and saw the Puregold nearby closed with a hughe CLOSED FOR BUSINESS sign splattered at the entrance. I checked it out and it was a notice from the local government! How on earth did a big company end up like that? There are other smaller groceries here, some have been here since the 90s and never saw them experience like that! I feel bad for the workers and the concessionaires affected too! 

Float

 So uncomfortable with current situation but once again, yet again, I need to go on and do my best despite everything going on. Life is so tough. January only. Oh my. I hope things get resolved soon but nah I know it will take time. I hope I won't struggle internally because of endless worries. Need to fight on. 

Bidet

 Small thing but I was so glad the bidet in the office CR is finally fixed! Yes! hahaha! It's just more comfortable having that and I feel cleaner. If we only have good water pressure here in our hourse, I would have pushed to have bidet too!

65 minutes

 I feel accomplished today! Did things as scheduled while also helping out someone who I was really for. Still shaky, but at least I gave this person a sounding board and was able to give good advice.... I hope. There are so many challenges still but I need to stay focused and not let things setbacks let me down. So help me, God.

Off Balance

 I didn't feel well today so I slept it off, not entirely rejunavated though because there is just this stressful thing lingering on my mind. May tomorrow be a better one for me. Or at the very least I can handle things so much better because I just feel so down and worried. 

Swerve

 It's been a messy week. I'm still trying to process everything that went on. I have no choice but to march on because I can't let the challenges in life stop me because I have many things I need to do and take care. But man, this is just so hard. Lord, please help me. Help us. 

COLOSSAL

 I want to be understanding, I really do, but I can't help but feel that this recent news I learned is a mistake! I understand where it is coming from, but come on, you needed assistance, how to let some things go but abandoning the ship? I could sense the second thoughts and regrets, I hope you do realize before you make things final because it won't really free you in the sense that you want it to be. But then again I don't want to minizme the plight because I know it ain't easy but I just don't think this is the solution you want. 

Counter

I really need to be more attentive because my instinct to just get over it and be done with it quickly almost cost me earlier. I was so stupid but it was such a relief that there are still good people around in a world where it feels like people are so opportunistic! Thank you Dear Lord for that!

Roadblocks

 Damn, I can't believe how 2026 is starting, so many challenges. I can't believe that this is really how I begin the year. But thinking the overall picture, these challenges are manageable so I need to stay calm and I have to be focused now more than ever. God please guide us through these difficult times yet again

Slice

 So unpleasant start, but I'm here trying my best to protect myself from getting too stressed about things I have no control over matters that are beyond my capacity. I need to put a limit because I don't want to get sucked in with other people's anxiety because when it gets to me I will be struggling to function as well! Life is so tough! My nature is to care and sometimes I don't want to because being empathetic also troubles deep within. I need to give myself some space to breathe and not get affected.

Pandora's Box

It started good and was in a good mood but then it all collapsed just like that. I know what's gonna happen because I've seen long enough to know that to act swiftly to protect is not the priority but go on marching through just because of desperation or whatever. Foresight, come on!

YeNOT

 So what I thought I was supposed to do apparently was done already. There was a bit of misccomunication but it's fine because I didn't do it early anyway and it was done already by Christmas so all good. I was a little annoyed with it but then it's fine, I don't want to start the year with such negative vibes. 

Talk

 I was randomly watching celebrity interviews on YouTube earlier, I just like when people tell their stories, you can tell one is really opening up and speaking freely. You can see people's amicable personality too and they are a fun to watch. I'm an introvert in general but I do love a good chat that you don't notice how time flies. 

Absolutely

Basically another lazy day while I snuck in something important from time to time, the day was basically me doing nothing of importance! The weekend is here and then back to the grind on Monday! I need to set the mood right for the start of the year!

Resolution

 Starting the year by canceling another plan I had because of practical reasons. It rained a few moments ago and it was actually the one that pushed to not go forward to my initial plan. Tomorrow, I will do something else that would hopefully set the year in the right tone! Hopefully, 2026 will be a good one for me and my family (and my work family too!)

My Hot 100 for 2025

 

1. Multo  - Cup of Joe

2. Kahel na Langit - Maki 

3. Konsensya - IV of Spades

4. Saranggola - Ben & Ben

5.  Luther - Kendrick Lamar and SZA

6. Tibok - Earl Agustin

7. Blink Twice - BINI

8. DENIAL IS A RIVER- Doechi

9. Like JENNIE - JENNIE

10. Soda Pop - Saja Boys

11. Ordinary - Alex Warren

12. Camera - Ed Sheeran

13. The Subway - Chappell Roan

14. Daises - Justin Bieber

15. Man I Need - Olivia Dean

16. Sports Car - Tate McRae

17. Opalite - Taylor Swift

18.  GNARLY - KATSEYE

19.  Back to Friends - Sombr

20. DUNGKA! - SB19

21. Handlebars - JENNIE feat Dua Lipa

22. Aura - IV of Spades

23. Shagidi - BINI

24.  Sapphire - Ed Sheeran 

25. Nanaman - IV of Spades 

26. Sao Paulo - The Weekend feat Annita

27. Andito Lang - BGYO

28. Gabriela - KATSEYE

29. Manchild - Sabrina Carpenter

30. Golden - Huntrix

31. Stepper - Good Charlotte

32. Young and Dumb - Avril Lavigne and Simple Plan

33. Pink Pony Club - Chappell Roan

34. Umaaligid - Sarah Geronimo and SB19

35. Push 2 Start - Tyla 

36. Cool - Michael Clifford

37. All These Ladies - BGYO

38. So Easy (to Fall in Love) - Olivia Dean  

39. Blue - yung kai

40.  DtMF - Bad Bunny

41. The Fate of Ophelia - Taylor Swift

42. Just Keep Watching - Tate McRae 

43. Folded - Kehlani

44, Happy Ending - Rob Deniel 

45.  Naiilang - Le John  

46. Drive - Ed Sheeran

47. Undressed - Sombr

48. Hard to Be Happy - Rob Thomas

49. Leave Me Alone - Renee Rap

50. Sorry I'm Here for Someone Else - Benson Boone 

51. Wag Paglaruan - Fana and Tiara Shaye   

52. Bughaw - Maki

53, Up from the Bottom - Linkin Park

54. Zero Pressure - BINI

55. Toxic Til The End - ROSE

56. Back to Bliss - Kyla

57.  End of the World - Miley Cyrus   

58. Mr. Electric Blue - Benson Boone

59. Abracadabra - Lady Gaga

60. I Always Wanted a Brother - Mufasa cast

61. Headphones On - Addison Rae

62. ExtraL - JENNIE feat Doechi

63. First Luv - BINI

64.  Anxiety - Doechi

65. BMF -SZA

66. Rock DJ (Better Man version) - Robbie Williams

67. Bababa - 1621

68.  Oscar Winning Tears - RAYE

69. Messy - Lola Young

70.  Free - Rumi & Jinu

71. Suliranin - IV of Spades

72. Chariot - Westlife 

73. Ms. Pakipot - Adie

74. Dracula - Tame Impala

75. Slipping Through (No Kings) - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

76. Mystical Magical - Benson Boone

77. DAM - SB19 

78. Parachute - Hayley Williams

79.  MANLOLOKO - Zach Tabudlo

80.  Easy Come, Easy Go - The All-American Rejects 

81. Slow Motion - Marshmello and Jonas Brothers

82. Pahinga - James Reid and TJ Monterde

83. Rejects - Good Charlotte

84. How It's Done - Huntrix

85. Shook - Sugababes

86. If He Wanted to He Would - Perrie

87. Nissan Altima - Doechi

88, Estranghero - Cup of Joe

89. Love, Joy, Hope - Various Artists

90. The Man Who Can't Be Loved - James Morrison

91, Sandbox - The All-American Rejects

92. Did I Say Too Much - The Beaches

93. In It With You - Craig David and Jojo

94. 12 to 12 - Sombr

95. Sandali - Cup of Joe

96. Dance with My Mistakes - Lola Amour

97. Lover Girl - Laufey

98. Jealous Type - Doja Cat

99. Throwback - The Click Five

100.  Survive - Lewis Capaldi

My Hot 100 for 2024

My Hot 100 for 2023

My Hot 100 for 2022

My Hot 100 for 2021

My Hot 100 for 2020

My Hot 100 for 2019

My Hot 100 for 2018

My Hot 100 for 2017

My Hot 100 for 2016

My Hot 100 for 2015

My Hot 100 for 2014

 My Hot 100 for 2013

My Hot 100 for 2012 
My Hot 100 for 2011
My Hot 100 for 2010
My Hot 100 for 2009  
My Hot 100 for 2008
My Hot 100 for 2007

Lists!!

Favorite Movies of 2025 

1. One Battle After Another 

2. Sinners

3. Zootopia 2

4. Ne Zha 2

5. Meet, Greet and Bye

6. Elio

7. Kontrabida Academy

8. House of Dynamite

9. In Your Dreams

10. Kpop Demon Hunters

Previous:

2024

2023

2022

2021

2020

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015
2014
2013
2012
2011

Favorite TV Comedy Episodes of 2025

1. Abbott Elementary Season 5, Episode 6 "No Phones"

2. The Paper Season 1 Episode 10 "The Ohio Journalism Awards"

3. Adults Season 1 Episode 7 "Annabelle"

4. George & Mandy's First Marriage Season 1 Episode 20 "Ladis Love Brunch"

5.  Running Point Season 1 Episode 6 "The Yips"

6.  Only Murders in the Building Season 5 Episode 2 "After You"

7. Hacks Season 4 Episode 1 "Big, Brave Girl"

8. St. Denis Medical Season 1 Episode 11  "Nobody Even Mentions the Brownies!"

9. The Chair Company Season 1 Episode 1 ""Life goes by too f**king fast, it really does."

10. Nobody Wants This Season 2 Episode 2 "Leave It All to The Tree"

Previous: 2024, 2023, 2022, 2021 2020,2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013,2012

Awarded

 I've been a frequent poster at Spotted Ratings for nearly a decade already because of my interest is US TV and it's development process and such. Another user organized an awards for posters and I won one award for Best Foreign Member! It's a small thing but still a nice feeling nonetheless!

Engrossed

 My sister and nephew watched IMPERFECT earlier. This is the Best Picture of MMFF this year. I asked him when he got home how's the movie and he said he was pissed, I thought he didn't like but as it turns out he didn't like the ending of a character and my sister said he was into the movie and made some comments while watching it. That's nice because I do really want him to get into movies and basically longer stuff than the short stuff/easy payoff Internet stuff they have been accustomed to. Anyway, planning to watch the movie and Call Me Mother once I get the time (and money!)

Validated

My decision not to do pursue what I was planning to do yesterday proved to be a good thing because I had to do something else today that wouldn't have worked efficiently if I really went to do what I wanted to do yesterday! So yeah, sucks a little but at least I wouldn't get that frustrated!

Conserve

So I decided not to do what I planned to today. I made the right call because pursuing that would be such a waste but I gotta be honest I wish had the leeway to do that but I have to be practical. I don't want to  end the year with terrible decisions!

Christmas

 It was a simple Christmas day for me. Just rested at home, slept in the afternoon, needed that! I was so tired for the past few months, well years to be honest! A day that is just basically nothing hard is very much needed! I plan to to do some things tomorrow or maybe not...! Let's wait and see!

It's Christmas All Over The World

Christmas eve! And this song will always get me in an emotional but holiday mood! I've never seen the movie where this came from but the song is just so good!

Zoh

I had a body massage and it felt good! The blind massage therapists are really good in hitting the sore spots. I want to get another one before the year ends so I will welcome the year physically refreshed!  Holiday break for the next few days and hopefully there won't be things that would stress me out. I need a break and just do nothing of importance!

Ollie

 One task left and done for now! It's proving to be a challenge though but I can do it! Just continue swimming and I'll get this done soon, let's go!

Space

 Lazy day and also sleepy day. I want full relaxation though because there are still stessful things in between. But you know I don't want to be ungrateful because things are still generally good. But hopefully I can find some space for me.

Names

 Got stressed over some thing that I shouldn't stressed over but the approach was off! So annoyed! But I had to keep my composure and not make a big fuss out of it even if was so irritating! But I always to be the person who must understand

Ham

Hoping I will be able to accomplish my goal this weekend but for now I need to recharge, it was a very tiring week, well, 2 weeks to say the least. Just one more thing left I need to finish so I can cleared of all things needed before the holidays. But I'm already preparing for stuff I need to accomplish for 2026 because I need to be busy because of various reasons! A little stressed but thankful overall. 

Homestretch

 I'm  nearing the finishing all things I need to do. It's been quite challenging but it's been fun and that's what matters that even if it's hard to catch up with time, doing it takes me to a place where I could escape! This is what makes me hold on!

Avatar!!!

 My nephew which is basically the same age when Avatar came out told me he's gonna watch Fire and Ash. I was surprised, he's not really into movies ever since he became a teenager (video games is his life) much less watch something in a theater! Apparently, he watched the first 2 movies on Disney+ and wanna watch the third to have the theater experience of the visuals. I do wonder if a lot of the roblox/minecraft teens are interested in this because he told me his online game friends will also watch. If I think about it, this movie certainly appeals to the world-building that the Minecraft/Roblox generation likes.

Subside

 When the going gets tough I tend to forget things but now after learning of another sad moment, it reminds me despite all the setbacks, I really should be grateful no matter what. It's still better than what could have been. I always need to be reminded because when I get overwhelmed I really go on a spiral internally speaking. 

Bummer

 Another setback, not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but still something I felt bad. My fault too as well, I was too complacent yet again. I need to do better next time! I have to!

Down

Felt really sick today and the power went out in the afternoon. It was a rough afternoon. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow!

Bull

 Finished something again while I'm a bit under the weather. Tomorrow, I guess I could rest?  But in some kind of momentum so I want to go on and take advantage of it. But not, let's pause. I still have things pending for next week so need to recharge. Hopefully my sipon goes away soon!

13th

 Nearly done with something and I still have a few on my list to finish as well! I'm actually in the mood to do it all! Received the blessings today! Well, it's still not the same as before due to mitigating circumstances but I understand, as long as we survive. Better days ahead, claiming it!

I Don't Want to Jinx it...

 .....but I'm so happy that today didn't turn out the way I feared! Things got a little worrisome earlier and I even question myself many times on what to do but eventually I did the right thing and thank you Lord for some good news. Of course, as always, I can't rest on my laurels but still so grateful for this! Thank you, Dear Lord

Partners

What I thought was potential bad news was not the case. Yeah, sometimes I'm just too paranoid! But nice to be wrong although what's to come is still a challenge but at least it's not an actual scary thing I was conjuring up in my mind!

Choi

 Worked so hard again today but I did get help which is a relief really. Glad to know I have someone I trust who can help me out. I wish could do more for this person, though if I only the means to go beyond. Anyway, next two days, I will face some challenging situations. So help me God. Internaally, I'm so tired but gotta keep marching on

Absorb

 Some things never change. So repetitive but oh well I'm afraid a chage could also bring me stress! Can't win either way! I  just deal with things the best way I can at the moment!

Up Ahead

 The next 3 days will be hectic. I wanted to do a headstart today but I hold it off. Hopefully tomorrow I can maximize everything so things will be less frantic and chaotic! And hopefully some good news too! 

You Go!

 Busy hectic day! I slacked off a little at the start but at least I pulled myself together and went ahead to do what is needed! There were some annoying disturbance earlier on but I tried my best to be patient and went to continue! And now I'm close, let's go1

Here Again

 I got bothered again about something that is not connected to me personally but I'm attached to because it is sort of a passion. I hate being bothered by something that's so inconsequential in my real life but I can't help it. I need to detach again from that because I don't have the capacity to engage in something that causes me unnecessary anxiety on top of my real anxiety-triggering incidents!

#SpotifyWrapped2025

 As a music chart geek, #SpotifyWrapped is always a treat. I like the presentation this year! I like taking a peak at my listening stats! They have this new "Your Listening Age" feature and they mine is 18 because I listen to mostly new music but then again my top album is a Westlife album from 20+ years ago so much for that listening age ahha! My top podcasts have two audio/radio dramas because Nanay loves listening and she does marathons of this every weekend when I'm at home!''

Paper Charms

 A little annoyed but also concerned. I have to support while I'm so worried about a lot of things. I really need to stay calm because others depend on me to be the cushion. I understand the situation but I admit it's exhausting to do a balancing act. To stay low-key so others won't be to privy on you. It's hard but gotta march on.

Vessel

 See, that's why I never want to feel happy because I know it won't last, there's always something that will spoil it one way or another. There's always a catch. I just can't feel stable, every single day something will happen that will annoy me, hassle me, frustrate me, worry me. I know that's how life is and others had it worse so I have to be grateful, but even taking those into perspective, I can't help but feel so much despair even if matters that shouldn't be a big deal. I don't know how I can fix it. It's so tiring kiving this way. 

Love, Joy, Hope

 It's December! Trying to get into the holiday spirit by listening to the new ABS-CBN CSID song. It's a tradition. It's not as good as previous years to be honest but it grew on me and ABS CBN CSID songs always have that charm no matter what that still helps me get some holiday spirit despite the many worries in my mind! 

Kutitap

Hey, there! It's December tomorrow! I wish I could feel the same excitement I had but oh well I long accepted it will never be the same. But we put on a lantern at our house today, it was a hand me down from my brother's boss. It's an expensive lantern and it looks lovely. It brought some magic but then some things just gave me another sinking feeling. Oh well, let's go and move on. 

Zumba

 Always finding an issue to get worked up on. I am so tired but hey gotta put on a brave face and and pretend not to get affected by the endless barrage of ranting and feeling victimized.  Oh well. Another day, same dillemma. 

Shade

Yeah, beginning to see some problematic patterns. Still generally nice, but I've been seeing the loopholes here and there. I also feel like they are constantly seeking trouble too when they could avoid it. Unfortunate for me because I am trapped in the middle of it all. No where to go. Just need to soldier on as always. 

Pup

 Only 15 minutes left and I'll check off one thing on my to-do list, I have two, actually 3 more to do. Come on, let's do this. I really need it badly! I'm just annoyed because there are underlying things that comes with pushing to do this. I made accommodations for the last 3 years or so to my detriment. Recently, I chose to put my foot down because I've had enough of the unnecessary stress that I have to face. Hopefully, nothing will happen to force me to do it again. 

Environment

 I'm getting stressed absorbing other people's stress! Why do I have to be this person who people are comfortable venting their worries, annoyance and grudges! I totally get it, people need an outlet to speak their heart and I appreciate that they trust me but it's getting too much and I'm afraid I will snap at them one time and say don't make things such a big deal! I don't want to happen. Lord, please help me be strong mentally and emotionally, it's so hard. 

Juggle

Oh, so many things to do this week and I hope I can accomplish them excellently! Things will be overwhelming, but this is what I wanted anyway! So let's go and do it all! But now I have to sleep to recharge!

Kevin

 Listened to a very good episode of the podcast Heavyweight (Kevin). It's about two long-lost friends who finally got in touch with each other again. Both had difficult and traumatic childhoods but their childhood friendship held them together. What happened all those years when they got separated abrupty was quite riveting to listen to. They were open and vulnerable when they were telling their storie and it really left a huge impact to me! I will listen to it again!

By Proxy

While doing my weekly palengke run, I bought on a fish stall that I haven't tried before because my usual sukis are jampacked with people and this one had no one it so might as well try and while the vendor was cleaning he asked me if I'm the brother mentioning my Kuya's name and when I confirmed it, he suddently gave me a discount. That's quite nice and yeah maybe I'll buy again next week!

Flash

During moments of impatience and weakness, I try my best to get over it quickly because I'm scared that I'm neglecting the present so much and things could go worse so I should be thankful. I really am. Especially every once in while I will see things that really makes me sad and scared too. I feel like that it's some kind of reminder to me to be appreciative and not give up no matter what. 

Bare

 So without planning to do I became totally honest someone moments ago. Something I've been keeping for so long. Something that has been torturing me for quite some time. Let's just say I pushed myself to do things because of pressure. I felt free. There's a tinge of worry too but at least I spoke my mind. What I truly feel. May I make better decisions soon. 

Wild Boar

 Glad something pulled through just when I needed it the most! As the year is nearing the end, really hoping for more good news! There has a lot of things that stresses me out on a daily basis that I even other people's negativity so I really needed a win, any kind of win!

Keys

 Saw something where I'm interested in  pursuing but I can't due to other factors. It makes me feel bad but I don't want complications. I do wonder though how things could be better for me if I can pursue it but then again I know it entails a lot more and given how messy my mind had been, might not be good fit. 

#16

 So all day I've been so paranoid because of this mistake. I really hope I'm just overthinking per usual and nothing really awful happens because I don't know what I will do if it happens. Really praying hard for no repercussions.

Bite and Chew

 And now I'm worried again because of me getting to complacent, I opened up a possible problem. But I worked hard for it not to happen but my time management was a mess so yeah it got messed up. Please, don't let this be a big problem. Lesson learned for me not to allow myself to carry so much burden just for other people to feel better. Yes, I can help but learn my limits. Oh dear Lord, don't let my fears happen. 

Tree

 Christmas tree is now up at our house today. I wish I'm still that kid who feels excitement over the holiday. Just not the same and  I know many adults feel that way. Just sucks. But I won't be a grinch and try not to let negativity feel my spirit. I have things to be happy and grateful for. I should be thankful for that. 

Stark

 I finally said something I've been keeping for quite some time. It felt good to be honest and  I hope I was understood. I overcompensated on some things plus I tried to please people to my detriment. Hopefully, things can get better. 

Don't Dwell

 If I flip out for real everytime I feel stressed or frustrated, the world around me will crumble. Or at least that's how I feel it. I'm tired of people choosing to be stressed rather than letting it go and focus on thing that will alleviate that negativity. Yeah, it does not really solve anything but at least you don't make yourself miserable. It's so frustrating!

Usury

Excited to work on some new things soon but still hoping for more. And this is me after doing a LOT of this the past weeks but it just isn't enough to maintain things and be stable. Also, hoping to squeeze in some personal leisure time soon, I deserve it!

Pole

 What you don't know won't hurt. Ignorance is bliss. Yeah, they are true. But still being aware that you are aware of something looming but you just want to look the other way is terrible too. No winning option. Suffering all over. You just have to toughen it up because there's no other option. Face it. Deal with It. Be strong for them. 

Skated

 I held off the truth. Okay, I lied. It's to protect them and me too. But I'm know I'm just delaying things but there's no point in making them worry now because they don't handle things like this well. It sucks really but I have to balance everything. But I really hope and pray things will get better. I'm trusting my instincts here. I really hope and pray this is right. 

Reliable

 It was quite distressing to be without electricity for 5 hours just when a typhoon was about to hit (no hard rains here but strong winds). The data signal was not stable as well but texting and calling were working fine.  The battery powered radio kept us updated and it really has some comforting effect to me. Yeah, modern technology is so convenient but never count out on how old tech can still be reliable in times like this so I don't take them for granted.

Standby

 It's gloomy and raining but thankfully not on a supertyphoon level. At least not yet, but hopefully not. Heavy rains are scary, so I really hope and pray that things will not be as terrible as they could be.