Coffee

 Always checking and nil most of the time. I don't know why I keep on insisting that there's still probably a chance it could work out. My mind is so chaotic all the time. I need to stop overthinking but just when I think I found the right spot to stabilize, it will then come crashing down when something out of the blue provokes to overthink again. Ignorance is bliss sometimes or maybe most of the time. 

Skip

 I made a call today that is partly for my benefit and for others. I think it was a good decision because things went smoothly but hopefully tomorrow I get back the groove. I am finding ways to get excited again after that thing that was not pushing through anymore.  Yeah, still not over that but there's nothing I can do about it anymore but just move on. 

Wither

 Another one of those days where I suffer from unnecessary stress because of people making a big deal out of nothing. Making a big fuss when you can't just let it pass. Yet again I just think "It could be worse" so I don't have to make things harder for me because I struggle internally when those things happen, It's tough mentally and emotionally. I try my best to keep it together and do fine on the outside most of the time because I just have to. 

Grip

 Sometimes I miss my old Saturdays when I used to go to the movies and stroll around but I can't anymore since the pandemic happened and then life had things that made me prefer to stay home during the weekends. But then again I don't have the zest anymore to go out, save money, and not deal with traffic among other things. So it's not the same anymore even if I choose to go out, I will just be facing unnecessary stress. 

Strings

Felt so off today but didn't affect the things I had to do. It really is hard for me when I face something rather unpleasant even if intentions are good. I wish can just shake it off that easy. Anyway, I hope I'll be in  happier mood in the next few days. I want to receive some good news. Anything. 

Whatever

There are so many complications that are baffling. But you know there's no point in raising it because you lose no matter what. Even if you try your best to make things work out, there's always gonna have questions. You get reminded again where you stand in all of this. But times have changed, and you are left with no choice because there are no options for your situation. It sucks so bad but what can you do?

10

 I know I shouldn't be the one to speak but I don't get why some can't adjust to a more convenient situation when you are in the middle that brings more hassle and whining about it too. Oh well, maybe it brings some joy but then I think about how made adjustments for the convenience of others. I wanted to be self serving but I feel guilty. And all I want at this point of my life is peace of mind whenever I can. In the end, I know it is just a small issue but let me air out what I feel so I will be more okay in actuality.

Game Over

 I can't help but feel envious over this that we missed out due to things we can't control. I was so excited and anticipating it but then alas it didn't happen. How I wish this thing was done earlier so we could have it before those things happened. I really feel bad about this because this was the thing that made me really proud. I wish never received a taste of this feeling because it will only be taken away eventually. *sighs*

Wonder

Glad to see something good potentially happening. But I really don't want to get ahead of myself because this is how my life is, I need to manage my expectations just in case it doesn't work out in the end. But really hoping this one would be a go.  The last quarter of the year is coming and this would be a good start.... hopefully!

However, I'm still so sad that we missed out on such an important thing to me previously. I need to move on.

Manage

It was always a tricky thing to do but here I go again with the same flaws yet again. I acknowledge that this is all my fault, I sometimes sabotage myself for this! Oh well, let's make it work tomorrow!

Sticky

 The heat is unbearable again! The holiday season is right around the corner so the weather should be cold and not this! Why is everything so different now, huh? It's surreal sometimes. 

No deal

I was reminded to get off that distraction I've been wasting my time again. I have a lot on my plate and don't have the energy to deal with shallow stress. I should know better but I keep falling into the trap because it does give temporary reprieve from some of the things bothering me. But then when something that is supposed to be just entertainment causes you to be stressed about it, get out of that space, now!

Language

 I read something about people getting frustrated about some Filipino kid/teens today struggling or do not how to speak Filipino (Tagalog). I can't blame kids if they grew up not exposed it to but I think parents should make it a point especially if they are a middle-class family that their kids are multilingual as well just for communicating alone outside their famil and world. Some comments online I read are people speculating that parents or kids looked down on the language. I hope not that's not the case for the most. I get it in this country, we were led to believe being good in English makes you smarter. I admit I was like that too when I was younger that I wanted to be good in English because that would make me sound smart. That was foolish of course. 

EV

I have this feeling again. And it got worse because it got delayed. I mean, I know deep inside I wanted to delay it as well but my rational side knows things aren't going to get better I just have to face it a little later but it's inevitable anyway. I'm so scared of what could happen. It does not help that one thing that made me somehow happy is on the rocks too. Having this draining emotion brewing is hard, but i can't afford to lose control. I found myself in the situation of being the one people depend, I don't like it but I need to do it. Let there be favorable results, dear Lord.

Fly away

 September is about to end and lots of thoughts hanging over my head. A lot of worries per usual. But trying my very best to stay calm and collected. Then there's also one thing that still makes me sad. The loss of something I valued so much. Something that made me feel proud. It lasted for as long as it could. I knew the signs of slowing down were coming but the total end devastated me. Oh well, tough luck.

Fluid

 I got myself into unnecessary stress. Partly my fault because I was not focusing enough yesterday and found myself in trouble now., Partly because this could not be an issue if people knew not to make a big deal out of small things. But it's pointless to dream that something will change and as always I'm the one who will bow down.  I always have to be the person that will make the adjustments.  It's exhausting but there's nothing I can do, unfortunately, but live with this on my shoulder day by day.

Ply

Yeah, it's not meant to be. I was hoping for it until the last minute but alas. I'm getting a little sad because of everything that is not happening. I try to keep my mind busy but it's rather difficult when you feel so anxious about what's ahead. Despite everything that's been going on, I'll still keep hoping something good is on the horizon. I really hope so. 

Mired

 I don't want to break people's illusions but it's tough for me to carry things on my own. It's a heavy burden but over the years I've realized I'm the most capable of taking it all in. I hate to be that, but I see repercussions when I try to avoid being one. Problems get bigger. I don't know what to do so I just let things roll. I avoid thinking about it more because I feel more helpless. 

Feeds

 Feeling a little sad. No, not just a little. It's just one of those moments where you just feel inadequate. While I don't regret the things I prioritized there will always be moments like what I feel where I feel absolutely empty. I cry it out in silence. And it's good to release this so I stay sane and go back to business the next day. It's morbid but I always think of worst scenarios so I can be thankful for what I have. And most of the time it does work. But then something out of the blue will hit you so bad. Like what's happening to me now. But I'll be okay again. For now, I'll just let myself be sad. 

Pickle

Someone asked me a question that somehow annoyed me because the answer was obvious but of course, I had to analyze the situation as well because the person was under some kind of pressure. I can't help but be empathetic too. And good thing that person asked me first and not other people who might not be as nice about it. I sometimes want to be blunt as well because I did notice some things that person do that would place in a not-so-nice picture. I tried giving hints but I don't know, it seems like it doesn't get through. Oh, well, this shouldn't have been a problem if that thing didn't happen earlier this year. *sighs*

Canva

 Nephew asked to borrow my laptop for school. He only has a desktop computer at home. I was a bit hesitant because I only use my laptop at home basically functioning as desktop for me too! But he needs it so I allowed it of course.  I hope he doesn't break it or something but he's 16 and more techie than me so I should learn to relax!

Choice

 One of the dubbing projects we worked on is now streaming and I'm thrilled to finally see it. I even promoted it on an online forum. I know it will get some of the usual "why won't people watch the original version" and while there's a good point there in being immersed totally in the original form of art let's also take into consideration those who are not accustomed to reading subtitles, either they can't concentrate reading while watching or they have issues with their eyesight. The option to watch a dubbed version in the language they are comfortable with can attract people who otherwise won't watch it. So if having a dubbed version helps expand their reach then that is ultimately a good thing.

100

 100 Days to go before Christmas! It's a cliche to say this but yeah it's just not the same when you're older but still hoping for good and jolly days ahead.It's not realistic I guess because there will always be curveballs in life but I gotta keep the faith because living in such gloomy mood is just not the way to live life. 

Agent

 Another unnecessary cause of stress. Never changes. But I need to stay stable nd not making things even more horrible. I'm so sick of it but I have to accept that this is my life. 

Last Minute

 I just focused on something for entertainment today!  I still have something to finish though but I'll just do it tomorrow hopefully I don't mess it up!

Gen11

I'm hooking on the new season of PBB! I miss PEx even more now! Even in the declining years, it was still a good place to discuss the show, the posters could do insightful and funny posts withought taking this too personally. I did post on the PBB subreddit, it's not the same but the next best thing because social media is too chaotic for PBB!

2 More Weeks

 The thing I was worrying about got delayed. Mixed feeling. But now I will take it one day at a time. If not, I will drown in anxiety which will just affect me more and the last thing I need right now is to fall apart. 

Vivir

 I feel restless right now. I can't focus. There are a lot of things worrying me now. I wanted to shake it off but it just keeps on bugging me. It's not good, I need to get that mojo back. I wish I didn't get distracted easily or intentionally distracting myself. I'm fervently praying for good news on all fronts. I know life isn't easy that way but fighting each day is exhausting to maintain. 

Wood Knocking

 I feel so paranoid, anxious, and very scared. I have a bad feeling and I can't shake it off. It's not the first time especially since I've been living in dread for quite some time now. I just try to relish whatever joy I could get. I hope to God that I'm wrong but still preparing myself because I need to be strong when my fear does actually happen. But please, no.

Machine

 I'm sad because one thing I was looking forward is very likely not happenining anymore. I mean, I was already told the chances were slim but I kept on hoping something will change and it will be happen. But time is ticking and nothing is happen. The window for it to become a possibility is closing in. I'm sad. That thing really made me happy. 

Sheep

Glad I was able to finish things ahead of what I was expecting. There's still more but taking a breather now before I go back to doing stuff! I really need to keep my focus on it because when I'm on it, I really get things on fire! OK, hoping for good things ahead!

Occasion

Today's theme is powering through. Still a long way to go but I need to settle this today because I have another thing to do tomorrow! Again, I could have a breathing space if I didn't get too lazy for a couple o days but here we are! Let's do it!

Photographer

Catching up mode now. After doing things well last week, I'm back to my messy self! Well, two days were kind of wasted but it was a bit out of my control. Just a bit because I do need to take accountability for some of my actions that led med here now. Anyway, I can do this!

37

 37 today. Thank you sa lahat ng bumati. My birthday is the same as the last couple of years, good health and safety for me and my loved ones. As I grow older, I still discover many things about myself, and while sometimes I feel like I'm still that twenty-something with so much in mind, I know I'm quite different now and my perspective has changed. One thing is for sure though, I now know what to value and what things are, in the grand scheme of things, inconsequential.

Rays

It's been rainy the past four days and it kinda messed up some of the things I needed to do. And now I have to work around again, so much stuff, in so little time. But I could have prevented it if I hadn't been distracted. But it's fine, I'll make it work. Hoping for good weather tomorrow. And for a ray of sunshine as well. In more ways than one.

All the ways

 I'm getting nervous again for something imminent but just like what I said to a co-worker earlier who shared with me how he is struggling with his personal life, we really have no choice but to hang on and take one day at a time. I don't think I'm the person to give advice to but I just said what I feel is the right thing to say.  It's really hard dealing with things like this but giving up doesn't solve anything anyway, the problems will still be there. I always pray to God to give me strength in all aspects of my life so I can continue to forge on. 

Talker

 One of the things I like watching now is video essays on YouTube mostly on personal experience or analysis of pop culture stuff. I like it when it is well-researched and not just them stating opinions presenting it as fact!  I like it also if they are eloquent and a good sense of humor is nice too! I wish I could be like that but I'm too messy to be that coherent in presenting my thoughts!

Bag

 A relatively okay day and people will find an excuse to stir drama. I'm so sick of it. But I know it's gonna happen over and over again. No matter how hard I try to diffuse the situation, try to prevent it from happening from the start but I just have to accept some people are just like that, they just prefer to  cater to whatever issue they have in the world than maintain peace. I'm trapped. 

Lanterns

 September tomorrow! I'm getting annoyed with the Jose Mari Chan overused jokes already but then again I don't want to be that KJ person so let it be. And I do want to attract good vibes, especially things that still keep me worried and paranoid. I am hoping and praying for some good news soon. 

Swoop

 So yeah, since I got used to being just okay, I got overwhelmed when things poured in. Like I'm sure this is something that's regular to other people but not to me. I worked very hard for this so I deserve this yet I feel nervous as well. Because that is me, I can't just let good things happen without thinking that could something unfortunate happen next? Hopefully, please no. Anyway, very grateful to this now back to working hard again. 

Opening

Very happy I met my goal this week with some time to spare. There is also some good news coming but it's a mixed feeling for me because there will be a little wait for the next one. But of course glad to have it available now. I have to plan it well so I won't misuse it because that's the last thing I need right now. Anyway, hoping for some good news about this something that I really want so bad to happen! I'm seeing some glimmer of hope. Hopefully, it pushes through!

Waves

 I had a weird dream. I was in a dystopia and the world was crumbling, literally to be eaten by the sea. I was wandering until I found my family in a public terminal waiting for a bus ride home like nothing was happening outside. Then the dream ended there. When I woke let a sigh of relief. It gave me some perspective on life. A reminder that despite some of the overwhelming I have there's always more important I need to focus my energy on and appreciate. 

Potato Leaves

 Always. Always finds a way to ruin my day. You could tell it nicely but always chooses to be bossy and antagonistic. You can't fight back because it is a small thing that could escalate. After all, tempers flare up, and people do not care about what other people are going through just because they only care that they feel hassled or have this victim syndrome all the time. I'm so sick of having inconsequential things bother me more than it should. When?!!!

1610

 I planned something today that didn't go exactly as I wanted. The result was a bit fun, but I still have some regrets because I didn't step back when I had to. But it did alleviate some of my concerns so that's a good thing but I could have planned this better but oh well charge to experience yet again!

Seeking Story

Glad to do some new stuff while on a long weekend. Yeah, this is how I chose to spend it. More productive. And as always keeps my mind off things that worry me so much. I also like exploring new worlds, an outsize environment that gives me an escape from it all. Although I prefer a simpler, free of life's many complexities. 

Mirror, Mirror

 I'm fighting the urge not to wish ill things. I know it's just the heat of the moment that makes me think so negatively. Lord, please help me gather strength to overcome everything I am dealing with. It's too much to handle. I'm losing my grip.

Useless

I hope people will eventually realize to be careful with the words they say. Because they are just like a knife that cuts deeply.  It could make a generally sane person go mad sometimes. You just want to stay out of drama but hurtful words will provoke you to be on the negative side as well. I stay quiet most of the time because one thing I've realized as I go on with life is that there are a lot of people who just want to rant or whine, play the victim, and are not open to listening. Why bother?  Nothing will change. But I'm not gonna lie I wish to be free from it all eventually. Some bad thoughts linger and I sometimes say it out loud to myself only because I don't want more drama. And sometimes when I get it out of the system, I go back to a more relaxed perspective. Still in emotional turmoil deep inside but I could keep up the facade. 

AC

 Motivational words don't work for me anymore. It's all surface matter to me now. I live a life of misery, internal misery. I'm okay on the outside, or I try to be as much as I can because life is as hard as it is, and stirring drama will just make things worse. Nothing is gonna change anyway why should I even bother. It's a sad life so I try to find escape whenever I can but then some of those escapes also bring me so much anxiety too. So I select what I get exposed to or spend my time on. On top of all the burdens I have in life, why add unnecessary stress. I'm glad I have this space to shout out all my bottled-up feelings. It's the only thing I have that keeps me in check because it really is so difficult as I deal with so many annoying things. You know annoying is such a light word to describe all the overwhelming and soul-sucking matters I deal with.  I ramble and babble at least I don't make other people shock absorbers because as someone is playing that role, it's so hard. 

30X

 Waking up to unnecessary stress is one of the worst feelings ever. Not even 5AM and you are so stressed out already over stuff that people could have just let go because it's inconsequential but no some just want drama in their lives and feel like things revolve around their world. Suffocating, sometimes you just can't help but think of morbid thoughts because the emotional toll is just hard. But you always choose to rise and stand up even if you just want to literally escape from it all. If only people know what damage they have done because of their self-centeredness under the guise of "caring only". Maybe somehow it is true but then again people's tendency to let it be all about their 'emotional need' is just overpowering everything that love is overshadowed. How can you feel the love, if people make you feel this shattered. I still hope someday I'll be in a place in my life where I'll be okay. I'm good with boring, okay life. I'm no longer a delusional dreamer. I just want to be okay.  

Them

 Feeling a little envious. I know I shouldn't feel this and I did bring this upon myself. Still hoping for something I really want to still happen. I'm losing hope but still trying to keep a glimmer of hope that it's not over. 

No, Not That!

Inner debate to do something for personal enjoyment but will cost me some money or just do what is usual and spend less (and even earn from it although not instantly. I do think there's a window for me to do something for personal recreation but the cost is just giving me a pause. I wish I don't have to think that way all the time these days. 

Testing

I'm exhausted yet again dealing with people making this more complicated than it should be. I try to be chill and calm but negativity around just drags me down. I can't point it out though because it will just add more stress. It's so hard to be in this position really 

Rizz

So learning new slang and vocabs from the younger generation today and it's fun really. I won't use it in everyday life because it won't sound smooth but still love things evolve

Link

 Something came up finally but not exactly what I wanted and hoping for but still better than nothing. And also this will at least keep us connected for quite some time and it's not totally a no-go like what I was fearing. Hopefully, this is a glimmer of hope that will keep us in the running for the thing I'm really hoping for. 

Stories

 Hooray! I've been lamenting about my worries but moments ago some good news came in and one hopefully potential good news. Thank you Lord! Hopefully, there will be more coming in but so glad with these new blessings coming in soon!

On My Toes

 Okay, I'm very worried now.  I feel like time is just slipping by without anything significant coming. I really hope there's something that's coming soon because what is there is not enough for sustainability. How I wish I was still clueless about this stuff because as they say ignorance is bliss. Now that I'm well-aware of everything, I feel so listless because of the current status. Oh dear Lord, please let there be good news soon. 

Demands

 So many things on my plate again. And not the stuff that keeps me alive but things that while needed stress me out. Especially, some are not expressed nicely. Tone matters. I know I'm being sensitive so I do not act out on it and just bottle it up like I always do. Sweeping it under the rug is just easier than confronting it because I knew for sure it will be misconstrued. I have no mental fortitude to deal with those things anymore. 

Dry

 I feel like it is the end of that thing. Ugh. I really loved doing that but all signs are pointing that it is the end of it. So many changes have happened the past few months and key elements are shaky now. I'm sad really. I'm still clinging to hope, I'm just jumping the gun and it's all wrong. Things are on shaky ground at the moment. Hoping for some good news up ahead. Please Lord, let there be good news.

Medals

 We placed 4th in Women's Golf (tied) another close podium finish after Men's Pole Vault! We could have took home 6 medals but can't complain with our 2 golds and 2 bronzes, matching the 4 medal tally we had in Tokyo! As the Paris Olympics end, I had a fun time monitoring it. I'm not a sporty person but I love the olympics!

Runner

I have a little bit of a struggle finishing something I need to do because of many happening in between so I can't focus solely on this! Hopefully, tomorrow works out better!

Ipo

That one thing is done. I have a full plate so far but that one thing is still lacking and I'm really about its status. I love having that one because it's so enjoyable to do and something I can actually brag about! But looks like it's over and what sucks is that we don't really control what's gonna happen because we are not in direct access. I hope I was just wrong and something will come up next week. Please.

Dance in the sky

 I just finished working on something that I feel a little ambivalent about. It is a little easier than what I used to do but still what does this mean in the long run? So that's why I'm very worried especially since I have a feeling that it could be over already with the changes in the past few months. Hopefully, I'm wrong and this is not the end of this one because I love doing this, so please I hope it will continue

Projects!!

 Two of the Netflix projects I've worked on are streaming already! First I did the dubbing script for Saving Bikini Bottom; The Sandy Cheeks Movie! I also translated the songs here, it was so fun to write for a Spongebob project
!

Meanwhile, my first Filipino Audio Description project, the local movie Lolo and The Kid, is also available too! I really enjoyed doing an Audio Description project and I'm hoping for more!

29th Floor

 Work has been suspended for the past 2 days because the building caught on fire. Our floor wasn't really affected but safety precautions and such. And it's been a doozy two days, to be honest. But I'm handling getting caught in the middle of stressful stuff better this week though than in the past. I just want to be less miserable in my life and just appreciate what I can so I can have peace of mind

Yolo

 My country won a second gold medal in gymnastics! After a heartbreaking gold medal match loss in boxing at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics when I was 9, I hoped for at least one bronze for each olympics that came after but the drought was so long until in 2016 with a surprise silver in weightlifting. And now 2 editions of not just having golds but the country finishing with at least 4 medals, it feels so surreal!!!

Sick and Tired

 I have to be the mediator, the spokesperson, that one who needs to diffuse things. I'm so burned out of feeling this way, worried but also feel annoyed when I should not be because these things are not planned or anything but I can't help but always feel this way whenever I face setbacks like this in my life. Oh Lord, please help me be strong because I'm so weak. 

Sundae

I've been struggling hard dealing with mood swings by others. It's hard to defuse tension and unreasonable demands, making things more complicated than it needs to be. Then there are other unnecessary misfortunes adding up to my already full plate of stressors. It's getting hard to be stronger each day but I always try my best to be one even if deep inside I'm so broken.

26

Now something has been announced and I'm nervous that this won't be going our way because before we already knew beforehand but we are now clueless! It does not help that we are not in direct communication with them as we are just on a lower tier level but still very essential. I really hope this won't be escaping from us because I've been looking forward to it but I'm getting nervous

150

 Made a stupid mistake that could have been avoided if I were more conscious. It's just a small mistake in the grand scheme of things but nonetheless, it is so annoying and led me to feel a lot of resentment which I should not have so I'm letting this one go and will take the L on this one.  I'm generally a loser in life anyway!

Filter

A lot of things happening at the same time and tomorrow will likely be another soul-crushing moment. Hopefully, it won't be. But I'm trying to manage expectations because the air of negativity has been overwhelming lately it's so hard not to get sucked in.  I did manage to avoid some things that would bring me unnecessary stress!

Pen

I sometimes wonder what my life could be if I'm not weak-minded. If I think more about myself. If I were more audacious. If I don't feel guilty easily.  If I don't evade discomfort. I hate "What ifs" but I always fall into that trap. Especially when I feel so frustrated with my present. I wish I wasn't the rock. I  wish I wasn't the glue. I wish I didn't take the initiative. I'm tired of taking in all the negative energy because no one else will. 

Fly

 The last thing I need, there's already too much as it is, and yet it keeps pouring in. I'm so exhausted already and yet you can't speak up because it will not alleviate things but will just make things a lot worse because you know at this point there's no way people will see eye to eye. That's why I would rather be alone as much as I can. Because in solitude I can find even for just a moment peace of mind. I know it won't last but it's okay too much solitude will make me anxious about things outside my own self-imposed bubble. I'm whining I know. But I need it because if I don't put this bottled up emotions out there, I will go insane.

Bound

 I have a lot in mind right now, and then I let myself get drawn to things unnecessary in my life that cause me stress. It's not worth it to get my headspace where there are many things I need to fix and handle. I should have not room for this kind of nuisance anymore. I need to focus on things that matter. 

Judith

 Maximize my time today which is good because well I always get messy during weekends. I was able to balance things and duties. Hopefully, I can keep this up. A balance of responsibilities, productivity and some brain junk food is needed to be a well-rounder person and not fall hard to one's anxieties!

Row

 Here I go again. Thinking of so many things. You want to know but you don't want it to be confirmed. It's really so chaotic and stressful. You want to balance what your gut says and what needs to be done officially. It's nerve-wracking because you see some signs but you don't want to take the plunge. Then there's another matter bugging you. My life in the last 4 years has been nothing but this endless cycle of anxiety and worries.  That just when you think things are OK, you feel that this is too good to be true. 

Shorts

Facing increasing stress again. I don't want to feel this frustration because at the bottom of it it's all abou caring and looking after out of love. But I feel a sense of struggle because I am facing so many things to handle, it's so overwhelming! Do I still have the mental capacity to handle all these load? It's incredibly soul sucking. 

Downpour

 Work was suspended today because the typhoon really hit Metro Manila hard! It's been awhile that a typhoon of that gravity happened again in this area. I like a cold weather but typhoon really is stressful, I could tolerate the intense heat more that happen this year. Weather is just so extreme these days

Truck

 Rainy weather. Some inconveniences and dampened spirit. But it's nothing, there is something to be happy and excited about. That's what should I should focus

160

 Yeah, no matter how smooth you try to cover all bases, there's always this mishap that you will always get the short end of the stick. It's so annoying. I'm freaking tired. I want those involved to realize it on their own because despite doing all your best, you still get that awful treatment. They should know better how to treat things better. Speaking up to deaf selfish ears won't matter. A lose-lose situation so what's the point of fighting back, setting things right. Just bury deep inside like what you always do, right? Just pretend you didn't get hurt. Maybe you'll finally feel free without guilt. Without worry. But this is not it. Just bottle it all up and divert attention. That's what you always do anyway, right? Maybe someday you'll get the appreciation you deserve, Maybe it will be all worth it in the end. Maybe

Cuts

 I'm exhausted looking after things. I don't want to feel this way because the alternative is much worst given how I am such a paranoid person but I'm just perpetually tired. It's something beyond my control even if I try not to feel it but I just can't help it. I feel trapped because even if I try to escape the guilt and fear will linger on so there's no sense of peace anyway. I have no choice but deal with these things every single day. Last year, I tried to do an escape and just led to bigger consequences. So yeah, just sit down and deal with it. 

Strains

 Another thing added to my list of stressors right now. But praying hard that this will not lead to bigger and more complicated things because frankly speaking I'm having difficulty dealing with what I'm shouldering now but I just carry on. Another one will just push me even harder to misery. And I don't want to feel this way especially it affects loved ones.  I really need to be strong yet again but I'm so overwhelmed with everything.  

Eyy!

As things dry up, I am getting paranoid again!  I hope something comes up soon because I really don't want to be stressed again about this matter. But I need to calm down and just hope and pray, new windows will open soon. 

Yeah, Again.

 I really should have not raised my hopes up because now I'm disappointed and admittedly prematurely at that. It's the same rodeo with so much uncertainty. Same process and perhaps the same result. I wish it was not but I've seen this before and most of the time it ends up like this. I will just have to carry on again and hope for the best later on. 

Hope so

In less than an hour, something will happen which I hope will lead to fruitful results. We really need it.  As I see things dwindle, I start to panic already although I need to relax really because it's not an alarming level yet but I'm just so paranoid that any signs of weakness gives me so much scared already. I hope to hear good news tomorrow. 

Interrupted

I could do so much if I didn't get interruptions every now and then. Some of my own doing but some are out of the blue anxiety inducing moments that really ruins my process because my goes haywire and I can't find the energy to finish things. And I need it so bad now. 

17811

 Finished quite a lot today then tomorrow, I will take on yet another challenge, it's something that's more difficult but I survived it last week so I can again this time. But still kinda scared of things because it is drying up but hopefully something comes soon enough!

Junk

I've been trying to avoid exposing my self too much with anxiety-inducing world affair news . Sometimes, I can't resist and everytime I do, it instantly reminds why I avoid it in the first place. I just don't the head space to handle those things anymore. 

YR

I got sucked again in a time warp of some sort. Drunk in nostalgia! But there's always that nice, comfortable feeling that this gives you. But it could be misleading so you need to manage everything as well and not fall too deep into just everything all good in the past, everything now bad. We just look sometimes at rose-colored glasses. 

CALL

I hope this potential will come to fruition. I've learned to manage expectations and not raise my hopes but always cling to hope. Chapters are closing so I really hope there will be new chapters to open soon. Praying hard for it. 

Oh My

 I'm feeling better now physically speaking but mentally troubled again with so many things bothering me again. And I chose to escape by doing inconsequential nonsense stuff. Let tomorrow be where I get things back to usual. It's been quite chaotic past 2 days for me.

Sick

Under the weather now. First time in awhile I have gotten sick so I took a leave from work today. I had a throbbing head and had chills but good thing I feel a little better now, not totally cured yet so I'm taking another leave tomorrow just to be sure. I have things to do but I won't be thinking about it that much.

Argh!

Out of all times that I feel under the weather it had to be today when I'm close to finishing something quite hard to do. I'm really struggling to finish it off because the medicine I drank is making me sleepy! I want to finish this tonight but the bed is calling! What to do? 

Clear

Accompanied my mother for her cataract surgery and things went well. It's just one eye though because we just want to take it slowly so she won't get overwhelmed. The wait was long but the actual operation was short and Nanay said she didn't feel anything bad, thank God

Kuan

 

Nanay enjoyed this. Hearing her mother tongue spoken by celebrities was a treat for her. She enjoyed explaining some things to me. I do understand a little bisaya because growing up my parents would say it or mix it up with their tagalog. This is such a good idea for a show and looking forward to the next episodes. 

Dig

 Went to some places today to handle some stuff and it was okay in general except for some areas with traffic due to roadworks which conveniently happens when elections are near. So yeah!

Back

 In another twist, what I thought canceled was reversed! So it will happen now. I'm quite pleased although it gave me some stress but what's important is it is pushing though! Hoping for more positive news in the days to come. 

Kibosh

 Something I was working hard on the past 2 days had an unexpected change. Honestly, I'm annoyed but what I can do about it right? No one's fault though. Circumstances just weren't ideal. Anyway, there are still to work and I do hope I'll be able to make things happen. Stil hoping for some new doors to open again because I'm a little anxious already. 

Charts

 As a chart geek, seeing the Philippines Hot 100 licensed by Billboard was nice. This is not the first time though, there was an authorized Billboard PH Hot 100 too in 2017 but it shut down in early 2018 barely lasting a year. I hope this will last longer. I would have killed to have worked for Billboard PH a decade ago but I'm not that kind of chart geek anymore. Still, chart watching will always be a thing I would love to casually follow now. 

Is there?

There is something not really connected in my personal life but I'm too attached that  I try to avoid because I get too engrossed. Most of the time it is entertaining but can't help but feel bad sometimes because of it. Like right now there's some incident that triggered my annoyance, frankly anger because of past events. I should avoind getting into deep that again. I'm too old now to get lost in something inconsequential in my life. 

Kinse

My 15th year working for the same company! Time flies and cheers to more years! Grateful to have found a stable job in an area I enjoy doing. I might not earn that much but I do like my comfort zone here
especially as I grow old.