4 Years

I haven't thought of the pandemic in awhile but it will be 4 years since our lives have changed. I'm glad it's been practically back to normal now. I don't wish to experience the same thing ever again but it was definitely a learning experience. The fact I'm doing this is a result of that. I dealt with anxiety through my ramblings here and it has helped a lot 

Markings

 Alright, glad I was able to finish some of the things I need to check off my list. Still have some things I need to finish but nothing immediate but hoping to keep this momentum up because now more than ever that I needed to be productive. 

Lessened

 Some more good news today which really made me happy although my paranoid self peaked to say, is there a catch? But nope, not gonna let that bad energy dampen the good news today. Thank you Lord so much!

21

 It's been quite a struggle to finish something because I'm feeling a little off and also it's kinda a boring thing to do but I NEED to finish it so I could free up sometime to do something else. It's not easy but then something happened that reminded why I need to strive hard. Hopefully, I could be meet my target tomorrow. 

Hoping

 That time again when I really don't want to be complacent and always expecting the worst. But I really hope and pray for favorable results. I'm always scared but I try to avoid thinking negatively by making self busy but those bits of anxiety always creeps in

Maintain

Already a lot of things I need to do this week again, actually the next 2 weeks or so. It's good and hoping for more because we need it! But always grateful for having the current things to do. I always want to be busy and last week I did well and hoping to keep that momentum

3 hours

 I had a good afternoon nap today. I really worked hard this week just to make a lot of my to do list checked off! Glad I was able to accomplish that, cheers to more next week!

Missing

 I can't really focus on something, there will always be a distraction [SIGHS]. It's really hard but I also fault myself for not really learning from previous stuff and continuing to make the same mistakes over and over again. Anyway, back to trying to focus again!

¡muchas gracias!

And TeleNovela Channel has reached its end. When the clock turned 12 AM, I gave a small applause on my desk facing my laptop. I am proud of what we've accomplished here. 

Goodbye TeleNovela Channel Philippines

 Today is the end of Telenovela Channel Philippines. I've transitioned to other job responsibilities within the company now but still I'm gonna miss doing everything for this channel. I'm proud of my work here. 

3 in 3

 Yeah, I need to fulfill this all! But it's hard to fight "not feeling it" but I have to force myself really so I won't screw it up! Whew! But this is a good problem to have of course better than nothing of course

Hang of It

I'm so tired but glad to accomplish some things, still not on  my full goal but it's clicking to me now after struggling in the beginning. I still have some pending stuff to do and hopefully I can pull it off!

Hours

Set some goals and almost accomplished them but still have a way to go! Tomorrow is another tough, let's see if I can pull this off! I need to keep myself busy to keep the other stuff I do on balance! I definitely miss having that safety cushion

34 MINUTES

 Okay, progress! Hopefully, I can finish it all today. The beginning is a struggle then when I get into it, I can do it non-stop then I get interrupted so going back to that kind of mode is quite hard. But this is all me and I need to focus really! Let's do this!

Struggling

I'm always in this constant battle of doing more and getting so overwhelmed that I just can't focus on one thing. I'm so confused at times about what I should do. If I could just sit down and not get any other thing to drive my focus away but it's impossible because I have to do a lot to keep things in order. And then I fight off this exhaustion by distracting myself with trivial things under the guise that I deserve it so I won't too overwhelmed but does it really? I'm in this constant battle now. I don't know how to win,.

00:42

 

FIN. 

After nearly a decade of doing the daily channel grid non-stop,  I've submitted the last one for TeleNovela Channel's final day of broadcast on Feb. 29.  Doing the channel grid is basically arranging the order of the broadcast assets that will air each day. I do it in Excel with a format that was designed by our Uplink facility. It was confusing at first and I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning but eventually got the hang of it and enjoyed doing so. Honestly, I could have finished this last one days ago but I've been quite busy (thank God for the new projects at work!) so I held it off. And well, I guess subconsciously I purposely delayed so it won't feel real yet.

Full Slate

 One of those days that I am swamped but of course this is all good! Trying my best to maximize time and resources and hopefully, I will not mess this up. But it's gonna be hard especially something that I feld I need to do to justify the other thing and also help out. I handle some of it awhile and boy it was hard! But I can do it, I just need to organize my time better. 

Wind

 I'm so close to finishing this thing that I should have done long ago but I got lazy and gave excuses. But I can't afford to be like that again. So many things in queue now, which is good! No room for laziness! 

Breeze

Goodbye, cold weather. I'll be missing those comfortable bed-worthy days. Now it's hot again. Uncomfortable days ahead! Sometimes I'm tempted to do work at home so I can wake up later but nope I won't be able to function well with this weather. I love aircon, I'm not ashamed of it! If only it won't be costly in electricity bills, I would have loved to have an airconditioned room but oh well I do still get aircon for about 4 hours each night then when we turn it off to save electricity! Oh life of the working class!

Pardon

 So wasted a few hours funny YouTube shorts. I faced some minor inconvenience earlier that made me lose some of my marbles but I pulled myself back again and honestly watching something fun, relaxes me because long days ahead again!

Recalibrate

 Same story for me again this weekend. Planned to do something but I didn't! But my life will face some changes soon so I need to work on some things so I can do better. I can't afford to slack off because of the vulnerabilities in life. I regret neglecting one thing before because it's going to be gone soon. Oh well! I'm just a mess these days but not totally messing up to make things catasthropic though!

Look back

My brother and I were talking about how we see people being nostalgic about 2015 era and such because it just feels new to us but then again it isn't that fresh anymore and those in their 20s are now really in their nostalgia phase as well. The passage of time is really fascinating

9

 After nearly a decade of doing the daily channel grid non-stop, I'm now down to the last 9 days (Feb. 21-29).  I'm really gonna miss doing this. Of course, there were times, when I thought it was such a hassle to do it but it has become a part of my life. And to be honest, I got it into podcasts because I listen to it while doing the daily channel grids.  I can finish all the 9 days in a matter of a days but maybe I'll take it slow and savor while it lasts 

19 Years

 I forgot to blog again on the exact this blog started lol but hey it's awesome that I get to keep this blog 19 years later. I'm basically screaming in the void now but I love it. I can be open yet somehow not at the same time. Oh well, a lot of long-running things in life has ended or will about to end but I sure do this digital space I have here will remain. 

Winding Down

 As the days are coming by and it's nearing the end of the channel I devoted practically the last decade of my life, I still can't help but feel sad about a chapter closing.  It sucks it couldn't continue anymore because I really liked doing it. Now, I'm gonna face new challenges at work and while I'm ready and grateful to still to have work despite the ending of my main task, it's still gonna to not do daily channel grids anymore. Not plan what new programs to acquire and planning the year programming flow. Oh well. It is what it is.

Read Again

 Paid all the bills today and I rewarded myself by buying another book    again! The Three Body Problem which I had been looking for since last year. I haven't finished the book I read book last week yet though 😅 But I do feel I deserve to buy something I want though. And it is just recently that I'm trying to back to reading books again so I'm loading up!

240

 So glad to see some good news today after I've been stressing about it. At least some security in the next months ahead. But hoping for more good news this week just to make things more secure. Doors are closing so hopefully other doors will open soon enough. 

Absorb

 So spent the weekend doing nothing that productive aside from my usual family responsibilities but I don't feel guilty this time since there's a good window for me to unload and forget all the stress away even for just a few hours, I'll take it

3

 I've seen this and it's really good. Also, can't wait for the Netflix adaptation as well, it's such engrossing novel

Passage

The Recording Academy / GRAMMYs uploaded on their site Fast Car live performance of Tracy Chapman and Luke Combs. I can't get over how good this performance is. When I heard Luke Combs' cover I was pretty meh about it and I was annoyed when it peaked higher (#2) on the Billboard Hot 100 than Tracy's original (#6). But this performance gave me a new perspective on the cover. Seeing him performing it live I appreciated his vocals and especially the sincerity in paying tribute to Tracy. His cover being a hit reminded people of how great Tracy Chapman is as well as reaching a new generation as well. This song is almost as old as me and it was one of the songs that I heard over the years on radio. But hearing Tracy Chapman perform it live at this age just hits differently. The passage of time just makes it more special. There was another Grammys performance that embodied this kind of sentiment as well - Joni Mitchell singing Both Sides Now at age 80! Music is a very powerful time capsule.

Food for the Brain

 I went to a bookstore earlier just to check around and found a copy of journalist Patricia Evangelista's book. Immediately bought it. I read the first few parts on the bus home. A heavy but engrossing read. It's about her coverage of the drug war in the country. I've been feeling hopeless a lot lately so you know reading this book isn't the best thing but I will always have journalism in my heart and about a journalist's journey is something I will not resist.

Thrill

 I almost gave in. Good thing I really did learn from what happened last year. Never again. But moments like this happen from time to time, I just need to have presence of time so I won't commit that mistake again. It's hard but doable

Orange Juice

Today I witnessed a good gesture. Letting go was the easier choice but they didn't do it. Highly appreciated. I had some qualms before but glad to know that I made the right choice.

Fast Car

 Because of the Grammys performance tonight, it reminded me of how BEAUTIFUL and TIMELESS this song is. The song is almost as old as I am and now I'm at this age and experience some lifechanging, this just takes a new meaning

Lights Off

On a seemingly okay day then something happens that should have not happened if only they don't seek drama where there is none. But well, I try to understand that maybe it's just a result of pressure of being needed all the time so meltdowns happen but it's pretty exhausting. I do act as if nothing stressful is happening because the last thing needed is to add more drama. Pretend is the key.

Not Quite

 Close to finish but not there yet. I still missed my target because I just can't focus at certain times and now some unnecessary drama blocked my way again. Oh well, it's so tiring. But I need to march on and deal with stuff head-on like I always do. There's no other choice unless I want to fully wreck everything, I'll never do that. I'm tired but not a fool

17 minutes

 Another challenging weekend ahead, I made some strides today but still not enough to reach the goal I wanted. Hopefully, I won't fail tomorrow. 

Another Farewell

 When I was younger, one of my so-called peculiarities was that I played armchair program scheduler where I made schedules for TV or radio stations, real and imagined! So the fact that I was able to do actual programming planning for a real cable channel was something I really enjoyed. We are a niche cable channel but we have dedicated viewers, especially the senior citizens who watch our channel in the wee hours of the morning because they either woke up early or they can't sleep yet. If there is one thing that's making me sad about the channel's impending end is thinking of those viewers especially those who would regularly message or post on our Facebook page over the years. They were the viewers who would bombard their cable operators when our channel had no signal. Alas, the changing landscape of cable television eventually caught my beloved TeleNovela Channel as well. Job-wise, I'm fine because for the past few years, I have been on double duty doing other projects and in charge of other responsibilities for the company. However, being the channel coordinator was my main job and for the better part of my working life - it was my world. I'm gonna miss this channel so much but definitely grateful for the experience.

126

 More things to worry about I guess. Oh my. It just never ends but after learning about what happened to a friend just today, it kept me in check to not ignore the fact that my worst fear is not here. I'm grateful to that of course but it just worrying

Size 8

 I don't have much but at least I can give something that is appreciated. I wish I could give more but this is the best I could do given everything I'm dealing with. Oh dear Lord, please hear our prayers, I always get nervous each time it happens but I'm trying my best not to be engulfed by fear again. 

One Month

 It's hard to let go of something that has been quite in my life for the last decade or so. But I knew someday it would happen and I thought I prepared myself for this already but now that it is a reality, it really sucks. But you gotta march on and hopefully opportunities will still come in. 

Headspace

 Here I go but only slightly better but I need to do better as this will be my sole focus now in just a few weeks. I need to balance everything and be more focused. Before everything gets too messed up

Questions

 Seeing some concerns and yet we can't address it yet is breaking my heart. We are just very small community but I still cherish every single one who valued us. I hate seeing this happen.

Era

 So many things happening and I'm really sad and devastated. I'm trying to keep it in and trying to remain positive. I deeply regret the times I felt that this was a nuisance that was stopping me from focusing on this other thing. Everything is so vulnerable now so I am nervous but I need to continue marching on.

FIN

 So the confirmation I've been waiting for happened today. I am very sad but I can't deny that I saw it coming. I was hoping against all odds but just so many factors that practically happened at the same time that led to this result. It's just hard to keep it going so  I have no choice but to accept and make the most of what it's left. At least there's some good news though because one thing I feared didn't come to fruition and hopefully it stays that way for stability. 

Holding

 I'm still in a daze. Still worried of what's to come but also preparing myself for the worst. But I'm trying to stay positive that good thing will come our way soon. I badly need it. Not just me but all of us.

Hanging

 Another day where I am left bothered by an impending doom. I'm still hoping it still could be saved because this has been a big part of my life and losing it for good will suck so much. And of course, it is a security blanket.

Spell

 I really need to pick myself and be optimistic that this won't be the end of it all. I hope they find a way to make it work and give another least in life. It's been hanging over my head for the 2 months and the lack of resolution is really making me so anxious. 

Clean up

 I really got lazy today and I might be messy tomorrow, oh no! But let's see maybe I can do a quick fix up! But I'm getting tired of fixing things to be honest. 

Sangkalan

Another day of me trying to get things done but laziness got in the way. I sometimes question why I get myself into situations like this where I'm not directly benefitting but I don't know I just want to be nice and make things run smooth I guess because I feel like it's my responsibility as well. It's my fault for not asserting myself I guess but at the end, it really is not a bad thing. I just need to figure how to balance everything. 

Dry

 I'm starting to get worried again. Nothing of importance this week has come. I need the tank to be full again or even over capacity. That's a good problem to have and not this worry about things not working well. Plus this other thing where they are making unnecessary complicated. But I remind myself that I don't really know what's going on. I hope something comes up next week. We need MORE.

Confundido

 I regret that I did sort of wish that this one block would go away so I'll have an easier but now without it, everything seems to be in limbo. It's so disheartening that there's just no clarity right now. Hanging in the balance, doing things as they go along. No clear path. I hope my questions will be answered soon enough.

Entrada

Floating. Not really sure where the road is heading. I understand why it is being evaluated but there are just other complications for them not to at least give one more go for that remaining period. It is really making me feel listless for over a month now. What a bummer

Instant

So I immediately paid for slacking off yesterday. I hate that sometimes I need to feel pressured to overcome laziness! I don't like buzzer-beater moments and yet I am dragging myself to those moments more often these days. I need better discipline because I can't afford to mess this up. But I do need to learn how to give myself breaks so I won't feel lazy again

Pause

 I think I got tired over the weekend so I needed some pause today. Also there are personal things I need to do as well as a way to watch over things and lessen things I get stressed about. Hopefully, I'll be back tomorrow in full form

Pinky Promise

 After posting that I was "in the zone" last night, it came all crashing down and I was lured into procrastination! I had to pay for it today but at least I was able to pull it off. However, it's not a good feeling though to cram because of my laziness. I still have some things left to do and hopefully I'll do better time management this time and focus better. I really need it so much

In The Zone

 A little late but better than never. Laser-focused now to finish this up that has been long delayed. I need to get my mojo back and I'm getting it again. So here it goes!

Just Never Is

That's why I can't hold on to any positive feelings because it wouldn't last and something else would happen that would ruin everything. I always try to control not to feel upset anymore and just look on the bright side of things but how could I when there's always something that will trigger something chaotic that should not happen in the first place. So tired.  I don't want to be ungrateful but I just want to vent my never-ending frustrations in life 

On the way

 Inside a jeep right now and driving myself mad thinking of terrible scenarios. It is always like this whenever a day like this comes around. Help me be calm dear Heavens 

Level

 This is it again. I'm scared but also I feel defeated. I'm worried but I'm also tired of this feeling. But I don't want to feel this way because the other option is just scarier. Whatever happens again, I just have to be strong as much as I can.

Hybrid Cufflinks

 I was able to finish something on my goal list today and now focusing on doing something that will give me some breathing room because I still have like two major things left to do, But I like this, I hope more of this all througout the year!

Here we go!

 I'm swamped again with many things to do! I like it but I also blaming myself because the load could have been lighter if I wasn't so lazy last weekend! But well, time to focus again and do stuff as fast as possible without sacrificing quality!

Closed

I felt saw when I saw my favorite meat shop closed already. I had a feeling it was going under because nearly every time when I bought there for the past year or so, I was the only one. They are not that pricey compared to the ones sold in the wet market and they have quality stuff but oh well that is just how life is.

Thinking About It

 Despite some happy stuff the past few days,  I'm here again pondering on things that are making me so sad. I wish I could stop this feeling but I really can't. There are just so many things making me feel so sad. Worries and anxieties, if they would only go away

375

 Got new eyeglasses today after more than 5 years. The previous was still generally usable but had scratches already that had been bothersome lately and well I haven't bought myself anything last Christmas so why got gift myself something quite useful too!

Nice!

 I was not expecting it anymore but I just learned to have lower expectations so I won't get hurt that much but this time, I'm so happy to be wrong! It's the pick-me-up I much needed after everything really, It's really giving me a boost right now and more driven to do better!

Qiqi

    I'm so busy because I need to finish a lot of things, I accepted a lot of stuff thinking I could do some things in advance during the holiday break but nah I was lazy then. I was wrong that I could be in the mood to do work during those days but hey I'm playing catch up and it's all good. I feel driven because I always to start the year right work-wise!

Ch. 126

 So it finally happened today but still, I'm clinging on to hope that maybe they change their mind. There's some reaction when it's missing so it wasn't totally ignored. I know in the grand scheme it's still a small thing but I hope they listen. 

1095

 Three straight years of posting something daily on my 18-year-old blog! Well, it's mostly just random and vague angst-filled musings but it definitely helped me process emotions when I'm anxious. It's like screaming into the void these days since no one really blogs anymore but I like it that way. As long as Google keeps Blogspot around, I'll be posting.

My Hot 100 for 2023

My Hot 100 for 2023

1. Raining in Manila - Lola Amour

2. Ere  - Juan Karlos

3. Bad Idea, Right? - Olivia Rodrigo

4. Kill Bill - SZA

5. Steal The Show - Lauv

6. Uhaw - Dilaw

7.  Vampire - Olivia Rodrigo 

8. Forget Me - Lewis Capaldi

9.  New Cool - Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies Cast 

10.  Beso Prohibido - Rio Roma

11.  Langyang Pag-ibig  - Ben & Ben

12. Cruel Summer - Taylor Swift

13. This is Why - Paramore 

14. Don't Let The Lights Go Out - Panic at the Disco

15. Nobody Gets Me - SZA 

16. Heaven - Niall Horan

17. Love From The Other Side - Fallout Boy

18. Gusto - Zack Tabudlo and Al James 

19. I Think I Like You - The Band Camino

20. Dance The Night - Dua Lipa

21. Wild Dogs - Matchbox Twenty

22.  Fighting Myself - Linkin Park 

23. Bahala Na - Kenaiah 

24. Fallen - Lola Amour 

25. Love is Embarrassing - Olivia Rodrigo

26. Midnight Rain - Taylor Swift

27. Pasilyo - Sunkissed Lola 

28. GENTO - SB19 

29. Huwag Muna Tayong Umuwi - BINI  

30. Tumitigil Ang Mundo - BGYO

31. Can't Catch Me Now - Olivia Rodrigo

32. What Was I Made For - Billie Eilish

33. Naatu Naatu - RRR Cast

34. Akin Ka - Zack Tabudlo

35. Wonderful Life - Two-Door Cinema Club

36. Cupid - Fifty Fifty

37. Pinadama - Zack Tabudio

38. Lowkey - Niki

39. Tally - BLACKPINK

40. Get Him Back - Olivia Rodrigo

41.  Snooze - SZA 

42. Super Shy - New Jeans 

43. Yakap  - Zack Tabudlo

44. Paint The Town Red - Doja Cat

45.  Edging - Blink 182 

46.  un x100to - Grupo Fontera and Bad Bunny 

47. Seven - Jungkook feat Latto

48. Greedy - Tate McRae 

49.  Hold Me Like a Grudge - Fallout Boy

50. Dear - Ben & Ben

51. Victoria's Secret - Jax

52. Wish You The Best - Lewis Capaldi 

53. Mine - Kelly Clarkson

54. Eyes Closed - Ed Sheeran

55. Flowers - Miley Cyrus

56. Die For You - The Weekend and Ariana Grande 

57. Chemical - Post Malone

58. Lost - Linkin Park

59. Lovin on Me - Jack Harlow

60. Is It Over Now - Taylor Swift

61. I Don't Think That I Like Her - Charlie Puth

62. Clap Snap - Icona Pop

63. The Ones We Once Loved - Ben & Ben  

64. Fall In Love Alone - Stacey Ryan

65. 10:36 - Beabadobee 

66. Eme - Moira

67. Water - Tyla

68. Calm Down - Rema and Selena Gomez

69. Diba - Zack Tabudlo

70. Pienso En Ti - Dulce Maria and David Zeoeda

71. Heartbreak Feels So Good - Fallout Boy

72. Me - Kelly Clarkson

73. I'm in Love With You - 1975

74. Pasko Ang Pinakamagandang Kwento - Various Artis

75. Esa Hembra Es Mala - Gloria Tevi

76. Kisame - rhodessa

77. Lihim - Arthur Miguel

78, Musika - Dionela

79. Here With Me - d4vd

80.  Leonora - Sugarcane 

81. B.A.D- Denise Julia feat PLO

82.  Saan? - Maki

83. Tingin - Cup of Joe feat Janine

84.  My Love Mine All Mine - Mitski 

85. YK - Sean Jr

86. Angels Like You - Miley Cyrus

87. ETA - New Jeans

88. Could Be Something - Ben&Ben

89. Festival - Sandara Park

90. Karma - Taylor Swift feat Ice Spice

91. Am I Dreaming -  Metro Boomin, ASAP Rocky and Roisee

92. Never Gonna Dance Again - Pink

93.  New Love - Boys Like Girls 

94. Houdini - Dua Lipa

95.  711 - Toneejay

96.  homebdy - DĖMI, Madman Stan

97. I Hate Love - Kelly Clarkson feat Steve Martim

98. Autumn - Ben & Ben

99. Lil Boo Thang - Paul Russel

100. Shakira: Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 53 - Shakria and Bzrp

My Hot 100 for 2022

My Hot 100 for 2021

My Hot 100 for 2020

My Hot 100 for 2019

My Hot 100 for 2018

My Hot 100 for 2017

My Hot 100 for 2016

My Hot 100 for 2015

My Hot 100 for 2014

 My Hot 100 for 2013

My Hot 100 for 2012 
My Hot 100 for 2011
My Hot 100 for 2010
My Hot 100 for 2009  
My Hot 100 for 2008
My Hot 100 for 2007

Lists!

 Favorite Movies of 2023

1.  Elemental

2.  Rewind 

3.  Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

4.  Oppenheimer

5.  Killers of the Flower Moon

Previous:

2022

2021

2020

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015
2014
2013
2012
2011

Favorite TV Comedy Episodes of 2023

1. The Marvelous Mrs Maisel Season Episode 9 "Four Minutes"

2. Abbott Elementary Season 2 Episode 13 "Fundraiser"

3. Young Sheldon Season 6 Episode 14 "A Launch Party and a Whole Human Being"

4, Never Have I Ever Season 4 Episode 8 "....set my Mom up"

5. Jury Duty Season 1 Episode 2 "Opening Arguments"

6. Only Murders in the Building Season 3 Episode 9 "Thirty"

7.  What We Do In The Shadows Season 5 Episode 3 "Pride Parade"

8. Disenchantment Season 5 Episode 10 "Goodbye Bean"

9. Frasier Season 12 Episode 1 "The Good Father"

10. Futurama Season 8 Episode 1 "The Impossible Stream"

Previous: 2022, 2021 2020,2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013,2012

Momentous

    Stress here, there and everywhere. I understand the suffocation but it is just an awful feeling to have especially under the circumstances. It's so hard, even if you try your best to keep yourself together, there's always something that will you push to the limit. I dread the past, the present and the future. Where can I go then? Misery all over. 

ATC

 I want to do something for myself but I can't do it due to various reasons. It has been so exhausting really. So much unnecessary stress but I need once again to be the person who can't break down. Who needs to understand other people. The person who needs to think of the worst-case scenario first so I can't complain of the present stress. It's driving me mad but I need to hold it together

Until Further Notice

 I'm hoping for a last-minute reprieve for this something close to my heart but looks like, the decision is already final. It sucks and puts me in another sullen mood but I need to rise from this setback and hope for something better on the horizon. That's all I can do right now. 

Fly

 I was planning to do some advanced work as I head back to the office tomororow but I got the holiday lazyness bug! Ob well, hopefully I will get things done!

Grateful

 Not an easy year but I'm so grateful I got to celebrate Christmas with Nanay. Praying hard for more years of celebrating it with her

Believe

 This Christmas Eve, there are happy moments, and there are worrying moments. Story of my life but I'm  still trying to believe

Boost

 Late and I can't sleep because I have so many things in mind. I'm trying my best not to fall into the same miserable state I've been in for the past few months. I've tried to distract myself and do something to boost my mood and be motivated to fight on. But it always comes back to this. I hate it so much. I'm trapped with so much miserable feelings either way. 

Get Some Air

 Quite a long day for me so many things I did and I'm still not done, hopefully, I can finish them this Christmas 4-day holiday weekend! It won't be easy for sure but glad to be busy and have some things to hope for in 2024 as well! Thank you Lord!

Nowhere to go

 The signs are here again, I am scared, I am tired. I am down, and I don't know what to do anymore, This rollercoaster ride of emotion is draining all the energy I have left   I am so exhausted but I don't want to give up but it's so damn hard to keep fighting when any glimmer of hope fades away and we always to back to the same state and maybe even worst.

Difficulty

 It never ends or evolves. It just repeats and gets worse. I'm trying to keep it in but boy it's so hard. Trying to keep the faith but I'm struggling real bad. I always need to reminede to be grateful that the darker route was avoided. But I'm wondering if this will be it, neverending stress for all of us. Lord, please help me to be strong

Can't Focus

 Struggling to finish something maybe because it ain't needed yet, maybe because the holiday lazybug is biting me, or maybe I just lack the passion. I don't know, I want to finish this fast but there's always something that ruins my focus. Some due to my own volition but some like right now because of a recurring problem that will probably never go away

I Do Mind

That mistake is haunting me once more because of another blow lately. What a mistake I made,all because I wanted to feel something I'd never felt before but in the end, it was not worth it. Good, I pumped the break before it got even more problematic. But still that mistake continues to haunt me as I struggle in life 

Hanging

 I didn't do something I was planning to do because it's not immediate. This will likely give me stress later but I just need something to take my mind off things again so next week I'll be ready again to face the world's endless challenges!

Mixed

 I was expecting this but seeing it confirmed a while ago was still a blow. But I always try to look on the positive because there are things that to be happy about and I'm grateful to that. Bawi next year!

Rock Paper Scissors

 

Worked on the Filipino localization for Squid Game: The Challenge and I genuinely enjoyed the show as well! I love the new games Battleship and Circle of Trust. And the winner was the person I was rooting or as well

Liter

I had an unnecessary cause of stress because of my own insistence on being in the know. I hope I didn't really didn't start any trouble and I'm just overthinking things again. Argh. Lesson learned.

Calm

 It has not happened a lot recently so when there is less stress, I cherish it because you don't know for how long. I hate to think this way but I need to let it out to process everything I feel. I wish things could be okay again. Rather, I pray for it every single day. But I take it one day at a time and glad for a night like this.

Care

 How can I give it all? I'm very exhausted. I'm tired ot it all. But I can't give up. I don't want to give up. But it can't seem to stop. It never stops. 

Just a few more

My long queue is about to be done finally but my eyes are giving up so yeah I will just finish tomorrow instead! Because I can not deliver something substandard. I do feel like I'm not handling this stuff well because I'm doing a lot of things that I don't have to but I was just being too nice I guess! Anyway, tomororw it is!

Speed

 Just a few minutes and I will finish! And there was an obstacle that I needed to control. It's so hard really how to control everything in your power. 

Muster

 I have things to be happy about but the feeling of sadness over some aspect of my life is overwhelming, I  wish I didn't feel this way but I already do. I hope to get some boost soon because I don't like feeling this way

March

 Struggling to finish something I could normally do without a hitch. It's because of some recent news that's making me lose enthusiasm about it. But I need to power through it and make things happen

Good News

 I've been so down lately that to go home to some good news is such a treat. It's still far from over but it's not what I'm fearing about. I hope things from hereon will be on the right track. 

Straightforward

 Problems at home. Now problems at work. I can't catch a break. The last time I had a difficult Christmas season was over 10 years and I survived. Hopefully, I survive this again. I've already decided not to go to the Christmas party this year for the first time ever. Simply because I don't want to go home late anymore for various reasons.I  just don't want the stress of holiday traffic to add to my mounting pile of stressors. 

Jaded

 I was on a bus when the earthquake hit this afternoon so I didn't really feel it but then again I had a lot of things in my mind that I probably just didn't notice it. So many problems. I'm having a hard time.

Great Story

 I'm not really in the holiday spirit but I always look forward to the ABS CBN Christmas Station ID song to boost my mood somehow and yet again, they didn't miss again this year

Pile Up

 I have so many things on my mind now. I can't focus at a time that I really need to. So many things troubling my head. What a pain. What a miserable life I have now.  And this being the holiday just adds more sadness because there's just nothing I can feel excited about. There's so much dread. 

Sit Still

 Made a mistake and let my emotions get the best of me. It's hard to stay patient under this circumstance. Some of the pressure I feel is self-inflicted so I have no one to blame but myself and now I affected another person along the way. Oh Lord, this is really hard but still thankful for this chance and I really hope I, we, can find a way to balance things out and not suffer from the pressure of it all

Canvas

 Busy weekend ahead, I need to pull off a semi miracle but hey let's do this! I need all the concentration I can get. I set myself up for this really and was at fault too because I let myself get distracted but can't afford to do so now. I really hope I can make it work