One moment I feel hopeful but I immediately squash this feeling because I should not feel complacent at all. A worrying news can come in to ruin it. It is bad that I always leave room for doubt because I don't want to set myself up for big disappointment. Now there's something which all signs are pointing to a very bad result and yet I'm keeping hope alive that there will be a last minute plot twist. And then I encounter something that will remind me that the worst is about to come. Living my life in constant fear is exhausting but still trying my very best to hold on to hope and it takes all my strength to do this.
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