Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Damaged Goods

I watched the latest episode of Young Sheldon earlier and unexpectedly got me emotional because of one character. Dr. Sturgis is an old scientist who broke up with Sheldon's grandmother because he is "damaged goods". He had mental health issues and decided that he could not put someone else in this kind of relationship.  She was his first ever girlfriend in his senior year at that! He felt that he is better off alone and not trouble anyone else. Now that he found someone for him, he let it go because he does not want to be the person that drags someone down with him. This show is generally a likable pleasant comedy but it has a lot of heart which is why I'm into it. But I didn't expect to be affected this way. It was the way Dr. Sturgis described himself as "damaged goods" that touched a nerve. It felt like the perfect words to describe how I sadly see myself. I'm damaged goods so I'm better off alone and not pull someone else down with me to the gutter. For the longest time, I thought I'm okay with this. I thought about how I will be at this age back in my teens. But I know in my heart that  I hoped it won't be the case. But looks like it is where I am heading to. I've come to terms with it long ago and but maybe it wasn't really the case because how could a random moment like that on a TV show gave me such feels?

Honestly, I was planning not to dwell with this thoughts but I came home and felt anxious because of an incident. And now here I am typing my feelings away in this blog that has become a repository of my recurring and never-ending anxiety-filled thoughts.

Bury it deep.

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