Deep Dives

 I fell into another rabbit hole the past 2 days but did get myself educated on some world I'm not that familiar of and it's quite fascinating really.  One of those are those video essays on YouTube, I really found some gems really that the deep dives are really good and not just for the "content". In the hyper-commercialized online algorthim slaved world these days, it's quite difficult to sort out the distractions from the real ones. But I will definitely try my best to not fall for bait and actually read and not jump to reactions / hot take first without assesing things better.

Seize

I bought my mother a new radio because the one in her room had broken down. My mother is a music, news, and drama enthusiast. She is so happy, and it warmed my heart. The positions have really changed because I'm the one who gives her things that make her happy, just as she did when I was a child. Same case with Tatay too. I'll be 40 in 2 years and sometimes I still don't feel it, but moments like make me realize how time flies so fast and I have to cherish every single moment despite some of the stressful things that happen in between.

Caps

Gloomy weather coupled with that restless feeling due to multiple things. I just can't help but feel a lot of despair. But I have to hold on. I need to hold on. It's really hard not to lash out, but I don't wanna to stir more issues, so just let it be and keep things inside. I'm just frustrated when one can't see their own fault, maybe you do but you keep on justifying it with so much nonsense.  It's a terrible feeling and situation. I wish this were just like the movie when a heart-to-heart would lead to a realization and then change would come in. But that's not the reality, people most of the time don't listen and just want to stick with whatever trap they set themselves to. Incredibly frustrating and kills me inside little by little. 

Clutches

 I feel quite uneasy but I try my best not to show it by supporting others, even shielding them from possible inconvenience. It's not easy to suck everything to spare them but then again I don't really change them for good. But anyway, always for good things to come to all ofn us eventually.

UX

 Wrapped up something today and it made me soon because there won't be a next on the same lane in the for who knows when. I feel a little empty and worried but it's alright I still have two things on my plate and maybe a few more but I really this dry spell won't last long. I want them to pour again.

Rediscovering

 I'm listening to new songs from artists that I liked but haven't listened to in years! Here are some of them

Good People Do Bad Things - The Ting Tings

In It With You - Craig David and JoJo

The Man Who Can't Be Loved - James Morrisson

Shook - Sugababes

Rejects - Good Charlotte

Survive - Lewis Capaldi

Young & Dumb - Avril Lavigne and Simple Plan

Easy Come, Easy Go - All American Rejects

Walked

I did two important things at the same day, I was trying to do a third one but I failed because burnout caught up on me. Hopefully, tomorrow I will get things at once. Glad to know there are two doors that could open soon. I also really wish more will come soon!

Tires

When you get to feel how a person is bothered, it's quite stressful but I need to be calm so the person won't totally break down. It's really hard but I know I need to do it. So I do my best to fix things. I need to clear up my head then go ahead and face things as calm as I can. 

Tower

 I got emotional again over ABS CBN! Reading the post and tributes as their transmision tower will be demolished soon as the land it occupies has a new owner. They've survived 5 yeards without a franchise but with a big cost. It's still sad especially the circumstances behind it. Three times lang ako nakapunta sa ABS CBN compound (A school trip and interviews with Henry Omaga Diaz and then Studio 23 head Leo Katigbak for school too.) The tower is always a sight to behold. Quite sad that the historical compound will be gone soon but the story will live on.

Rabbit

 I had no plans to see the new I Know What You Did Last Summer, but then I watched this Jennifer Love Hewitt special on Entertainment Tonight, and I got all crushing on her again. Whoever thought of that, you did a good job getting me interested in seeing her on the big screen again. Also made me revisit the music of video LFO's Girl on TV, which then led me to listening to LFO's I Don't Wanna Kiss You Goodnight, such a good song! They don't make western pop songs like that anymore. Then it reminded me that two guys from LFO are no longer here. How tragic, both died due to cancer. Found the remaining guy still tours today as LFO with O-Town singing the songs

Short

I'm getting stressed about things I have no control with. It really is so frustrating because after an overload with almost no room to breathe there comes the dry spell again. That's why I try not to put pressure on them because I know they are in a tricky situation. Hoping and praying for good news soon

Ebbs and Flows

 Here we go again with the worries when things slow down. Although I still have things on queue that I try to juggle but  there's still the fear of things drying up. Oh dear Lord, hoping for blessings to come in soon enough

Pouring

 Heavy rains right now and while I dislike the discomfort of the scorching heat but rains like this one terrify me more. I hope it will stop soon because I'm getting a little anxious

Academy

Jampacked week ahead but after that is quite murky and I AM AFRAID. Hopefully, something comes up soon because I'm worried about  another dry spell. Here we go back again! I really there will be some incoming stuf to come in because badly needed. Well, not that badly in reality but I'm a very paranoid person.

Bags

 I'm annoyed that just because some people's intention to make a point I am the one who will have to do the hard work now. Partly my fault of course for raising my hand because this is for the better but still annoyed! Anyway, let's get to it!

New Entry

I've been a chart geek for most of my life but I did lay low as I got older and dealt with real problems adults face and I also kinda got bored of it eventually but well I still check from time to time and I found myself getting hooked again with MYX chartts. I've been interacting with other chart followers on a Youtube channel that follows MYX charts mainly because MYX charts for the past 2 years had a very slow pace and very limited catalog unlike before where they get the freshest songs and there I found other people who got frustrated with it too and together when there's a new entry or videos from a record label that had been absent for awhile on MYX we collectively chear on the comments. It's ben fun really to get to relieve my chart geeks day lately and share with online strangers who share the same habit!

Others

 I feel so bad but there's nothing I can really do about it. Everything will just fall on deaf ears because they priority what they feel, how they are always right and every one just disappoints you. Complains non stop, but when you do something right, hardly acknowledged. And even if they do, it will be easily forgotten when they feel hassled. Endless cycle that I'm so sick of but nothing i can do but take it all in and breathe it out. 

Deflated

 I have felt this way long ago but from time to time I feel some glimmer of positivity but immediately I hold back back because I know it won't last. It sucks so bad but it is what it is. Just trying my best not to get too much affected 

Foot Zone

 I had a foot massage yesterday for the very first time and I really loved it. It was a bit pricey since it's in a mall, but I thought I deserve to spend something for myself and I wanted to try this for so long. There was some pain when the therapist was stretching my toes, pain I didn't expect to have but it was so good! I feel relaxed after and will definitely try again!

98

 I wish I have the courage to be straightforward on certain things because it gets really frustrating to see the same patterns consistently happening but I know it will just lead to bigger problems, because what they'll see is an attack rather than pointing out how one can improve. I wish it weren't the case, but it is, as seen in many precedents before. I just have to let a big sigh and carry on. How I wish there's a realization someday what's really wrong and not always put the blame on others. How I wish there's a realization of the long term harm done. But it will probably never happen and you just let things be and be as strong as you can because there's no alternative.