Spinal

 Down in the dumps yet again! Feeling a lot of restless, worry and anxiety. I can't concentrate then I will rush things again when adrenaline is high. I just feel so off again, I need something to give me that energy again. Or I'm just giving excuse to my lame behavior. I really don't know. 

Bordering

 I still feel so bitter about losing that one and them getting that. I honestly believe we did well but it's really out of our control. It really sucks because it was such a sense of pride and now it's gone. It's hopeless but I sometimes I still dream that it will come back hence I still work so hard on that one particular thing because maybe they will reconsider? It's been over a year and yet it sucks so bad. 

Adjust

There are things I wanna do but I can 't. Or choose not to do so I won't affect others. I sometimes I want to be selfish. Then I remembered I made some selfish calls 2 years ago that I deeply regret until now. So yeah, everytime I feel this frustrated again, I will remind myself of that very bad mistake. I could have so much leeway if only I didn't let that overtake me. Now, I'm in such constang stuggle. 

Rector

 Working something that is considered a classic and it just feels different looking at it with adult eyes. But it deftinitely still brings in the nostalgic feels. You also then realized how personal standards have changed as well as you deal with somethin valuable from the past and trying to give it a different spin! Anyway, can't wait to see it!

More

I'm okay with things as they are because I always fear of things going worse as I experienced that a couple of times the past few years. But I can't also feel dissatisfied at times and wishig for some better. But I'm afraid I'm attracting negativity and this could bite me back. My mind is truly chaotic most of the times. 

Bolt

Just as I thought I had some leeway, nope! Things are being rushed out so I had to get my act together and get things done immediately! Let's go!!!

Mano

 I'm excited to work on something I have childhood exposure too! I started some of it earlier but I was not off to a good pace yet hopefully tomorrow I get my groove on! Checking out the materials I will work on is quite fascining because they are from the 1980s and they are basically time capsules!

BNO

 I was never really a fan of MAGIC 89.9's Boys  Night Out because the humor is just not a fit with my personality but still they are an iconic part of Mega Manila radio for so long so for it to end in such controversial way is quite shocking even if I haven't been really listening to radio that much these days... well, on my own choice I mean because we are a radio household every since I was a child so the radio is almost always on! Anyway, it's quite sad to see things that were very much present in your younger year fade away and lost its magic.

Destir

 Very hectic past 5 days! And there are more coming in, it's been quite tiring but it helps me again to be on focus and not let the many worries eat me alive. Like there were so many challenging moments today but I have no choice but take it all in and manage to keep things stable at the very best I can. So many mood swings I have to balance out. Oh well! That's my life now and I just think it could be so much worst so I will just deal with it the best way I can!

Sweeping

 So, I've been thinking on how to handle another delicate matter. I've been on this same road multiple times, one thing I did I ultimately the right choice but now again faced with this, I'm having a difficult path. I'm already seeing early signs of panic that frankly is so difficult for them and me as well. I want to choose convenience but what if there are consequences in the future? I hate that I have to make that call. I need to balance everyone's well being versus making this sure. My gut is telling me not to go with it but I'm just afraid it is a mistake.

God please help me.

This is What It Feels Like

 Another I'm tired of everything post incoming. Still the same thing over and over again. Stirring up trouble when there should be none. Always complaining, always whining. When there is relative peace, you find ways to find problems when there are none. Let's face it you don't like calmness, you crave for drama and be the victim as always. Sick of it. I can't speak up because it will not solve anything when it just falls to deaf ears. So I endure. Minimize my feelings because you want to avoid unnecessary stress. Because that is all you bring. Sure, you do things to assist but there's a caveat of resentment when it's conveniet to you, right? Yeah. Always the same case. I've lost hope that you will realize your flaws. I will just carry on no matter despite the heavy burden I carry everyday. 

Too Thin

 I knew this would happen, but I still got myself into this. Proud of what I can do but it is hard and tiring. And I wish I can just sit all day and give my 100% focus but there will always be distractions from all sides. I'm also guilty as well. Okay, carry on. 

The 3rd

 Feeling a little bitter. Well, no. I'm VERY bitter. I can't have that thing anymore. I have something else, but it's not as "brag worthy" I hate that I think of that but I won't deny that the fact that I was able to showcase that was a source of pride. Now, it's gone. And it wasn't in our control despite working our best. I still wish something changes and we get it again. 

Whiplash

 So the photos of my speaking engagement last week have been uploaded on FB and I hate to feel this way, but I really didn't like how I look! I'm never really conscious of how I look before but now seeing my present sel,f I can't help but feel sad. I just look different, with my bald head and generally stressed face. It's a good thing I'm not really conscious of how I look daily, I rarely look at the mirror much less take photos of myself but during moments like that when I am captured by another point of view, I feel uncomfortable looking at myself. 

Momentum

 Okay, I have a lot of things on my plate that I'm willingly put myself into. It's quite difficult but this is what I wanted and volunteered for!  So, yeah let's get moving!

Overcast

 Rainy weather the past 2 days! There's typhoon up north and another on the horizon! I hope it changes direction though. I like cold weather but not really feeling a gloomy atmosphere days, affects my mood to be honest. Let the sun shine please!

35

 So watched a news feature about how in some industries, 35 years old is already too old. As a 38 year old person, this is really chilling. My industry thankfully doesn't have this kind of age ceiling but then it makes me wonder how employable I am these days. Really thankful I have a stable job right now. 

921`

 March against corruption happening the whole country. It is inspiring however just as I was afraid, there are certain groups who will mess this up by doing chaotic stuff in guise of protest but really they just want to stir trouble! It ruins the true meaning of this protest movements. So frustrating. 

Docus

 I watched two documentaries today, one on YouTube about South Korean international adoptions and I was really surprised of the history of it and got sad with the personal stories I've watched. The other one I watched is Unknown Number on Netflix and I had to pause when it was revealed who the perperator was! It's really shocking and just gross!

The Paper

Watched The Paper (streaming on HBO Max here) and I loved it. I'm a bit biased because I have a degree in Broadcast Journalism and was news writer and editor on the school paper, so a show about journalism is up in my alley! The show is really different from The Office, just set in the same universe but they're totally have different angle. It has a good cast and captures a good emotional beat too. I hope people will discover it eventually because for me it is a gem

Tract

 Everything will be fine. If not I will do my best to make things appear fine for everyone else's sake. The sacrifice I have to make. The inner turmoil. Lord, please guide me because I could break down again deep inside. Help me be strong in this trying time yet again. 

Full Circle

I was invited be a resource speaker for today's General Assembly of DLSU-D's Heraldo Filipino and the yearbook team under the revived Student Media and Publications Office. It's truly an honor to be part of the landmark 40th year of HF and the revival of the SPMO. I started with Team 20, and being the speaker this time for Team 40 holds special meaning. It's a full circle moment. I was also inspired by Br. Victor and Sir Christian's talk about integrity and the power of critical thinking. Seeing how the students reacted to my talk and Q&A also made me really happy.  We may be two decades apart, but the current generation of HF still has that same fire and spirit of the batches I was part of. 

Overload

 This song turned 25 year old and it still sounds so fresh! It has this hypnotic vibe!

Notes

 I was invited to speak for Heraldo Filipino Team 40's year start assembly. I'm given 15 minutes to give a speech. Now, what will I say? I'm contemplating preparing a written speech but I don't know I want to speak from the heart and impromptu? But I'm not eloquent and talks fast! Anyway, planning to have my talk circle around overcoming your fear to try something your heart has been wanting for. I joined HF on my second year in college. I wanted to try on my freshman year but I was so insecure and also scared! But I took my chance on my second year and I made it! Another story I will share is that I was rejected on my first try to become an editor (News and OCM) which broke my heart a little but then a year later I had the audacity to try to jump from mere senior statff to EIC and I made it! So yeah, I will work around those topics, hopefully I can deliver something vital!

Four Down

 So happy to have finished one very important task! First batch done! Still have more than half to go while I balance another weekly thing I let myself do because I both want to and need to. My plan this weekend didn't go the way I hoped for because of things I allowed myself. I rationalize that I need to take some time off to freshen up but let's face it I got lazy at some point. 

Stove

 Bought an appliance today for our home - a stove. Our more than a decade old stove broke down already. I'm glad there's a good enough local brand that isn't costly too! I still don't know how to cook though so this is my contribution! 

Omph!

I know this will be a challenge and I put myself willingly to do this. Creative wise, I really want to do it but it's quite a struggle to finish everything on time. Of course it's my fault because concentrating is quite hard!  Anyway, back on it!

Askin Tarifi

Recipe of Love aired its finale on SolarFlix tonight! Proud of the work I've done for this project especially the final episode that I've adapted. I really enjoyed this show Until the next one!

Spine

I have a lot of things to finish in 4 days so good luck but I live for this kind of challenge, keeps me my mind busy. It's a struggle to start to get a head start but once I get the right I'm all in. I could accomplish more if the situation was less complicated than before but I can manage. I will manage. 

But still we need more, so please come to us!

VMAs

 Saw some VMA 2020 performances online and it's nice to see they are doing all out with the productions, lots of visually appealing performances. Alex Warren's production so good, made the songs sound epic same with Tate McRae's. First time to see sombr perform and while I like his songs he is so awkward to watch, does not have stage presence yet. Maybe he should have been preshow. I wish Katseye was main show but the crowd energy at close proximity was great for a song like Gnarly so all good.

Tight

 I've asked for it. And now I have to make it all work. But I will do it. I can do it. Let's go! 

Phrasing

 I had to make sacrifices to help out and pitfalls are unavoidable. I know outsiders will say I should just step out for something better but in my heart I truly don't want to. Sure, there's fear of the unknown but I genuinely want to help. Praying that things will get better soon.

Stock Up

 Something unexpected happened and I grabbed the opportunity! Now more than ever do I need to collect as much as I can so I can keep things afloat and not derail everything. I need to focus on things so nothing will be affected. This is what I wanted after that 2 months of dry spell so rev up!

38

Another year older today! Life gets tougher as I grow older but thank God I'm still surviving. Lord please give me strength as I navigate through life. My birthday prayer is for my family's safety and well-being. Please keep them away from any kind of harm and danger. 

Press

 I was checking Heraldo Filipino's website and to my surprise, na-quote ang sinulat ko from 18 years ago sa isang column! It's bittersweet because it is touching to have a piece you wrote resonate nearly 2 decades later, but a little sad because the sentiment I had then is still felt by today's generation of campus journalists. 

Survive

Things are coming, but there are still many obstacles to make it run smoothly. You understand all sides, but there's really no choice but to compromise because the other option is grim. I hate that we are in this situation yet again. So difficult. 

HeartBuds

 So I finally bought a bluetooth earphone because I saw it was on sale, 50% off and a price point I could afford! I still like the sound of writed earphones better but I acknowledge going wireless is more ideal when I commute and also ideal to use when in bed as well. It's a heart-shaped earbud because it is marketed to women but I don't care it's cheap and works well so far. I hope it will last long!

Unpleasant

I'm tired of dealing with people seeking drama. Loud mouth but when you get into trouble for over stuff that you can just let go, what's gonna happen then? Unnecessary stress! Boredom is not an excuse to seek stress!

Invitation

 So I received from one of the officers of the current team of my beloved Heraldo Filipino. They're inviting me to be a guest speaker at their year-start activity. Of course, I said yes! I would love to visit my school again, the last time I was there was over a decade ago when I was again invited by the HF EB then to be a panelist for their EB application interview. It's also a nice touch because it was 2005 when I was accepted by HF so 2 decades later I will be a guest to a whole new generation of idealistics campus journalist! It makes my heart smile. I'm not an eloquent person but I will try my best to impart how HF has become instrutmental on how I became as an adult navigating the real world. 

AD

I've been doing audio description writing for some streaming movies lately and it's quite fascinating. It's a feature I didn't know existed until I learned it on my job about two years ago. I now find myself turning audio description features more frequently, first to study how they are written but I'm actually digging it now and it enhances my viewing experience. I've been a dubbing/ADR writer for more than a decade already so nice to have another writing skill that watching TV/movie is needed!

Amor

I'm so happy that after nearly two months, we will be fed! It's still not the ideal amount to keep things in a safer zone, but definitely better than the dry spell for nearly 2 months. Thank you Lord and please keep them coming!

Wrong Send

It was so weird that I suddenly felt something emotional then apparently there was something that happened almost at the same time when I felt it that is actually connected to it.  It was a surprise discovery really and I was really upset. But I composed myself and didn't tell anyone. It's not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Now I think I'm okay. There's just a lot of stressful things bugging my mind and hopefully I will get over this phase soon.

Gaps

Nothing again. 

Next day awaits.

But now spiralling internally. 

So many contingency plans in my head. 

So many I would do things differently 

So many wishes and regrets.

A tinge of reproachments too

I know it's unjustified though.

So I keep all those thoughts in.

It will be a recurrence

Until I feel secure and safe.

When....

Nothing again. It really sucks. Maybe tomorrow. 

Just Keep Moving

Hoping this would be the week where we receive some good news. It has been such a struggle mentally speaking to handle all these worries and uncertainty but I kept on moving along. But really, please let it be this week!

Facts First

 I first knew of Christian Esguerra when I attended UST's campus journalism workshop INKBLOTS nearly 20 years ago and he was one of the speakers. Then and until now one of my favorite journalists! I

5k

 Not exactly a good month, although I always remind myself that I had far worse experiences around this time in recent years to keep things in perspective. But it has been a struggle; it's so hard to be happy

I tried so hard....

 Falling into nostalgia rabbit holes again on YouTube! Always bittersweet, trying my best not to be that sad because of feeling things! But I guess it's okay to have an outlet to let those feelings be out there. I always try to bury those feelings inside. I just can't be paralyzed with these thoughts. I just can't. And I know I feel these things because of external factors. Hopefully, things will brighten up soon. I'm holding like always but I'm such a mess inside. 

408

 Day didn't go as planned.... or rather didn't go as hoped. But oh well, still had some moments when I escaped from the usual. Made me feel a little nostalgic too. And you know with nostalgia comes a tinge of sadness. Anyway, back to the grind tomorrow. 

Next Page

I bought a book after a year! This is the sequel to the Three Body Problem book that I really loved and it says something because I'm not really into sci-fi but this one just grabbed my attention. With Three Body Problem, I saw the TV show first so I have an idea already when I was reading but this sequel I know nothing about so excite to dive in!

 

It's Okay!

 Glad to have something on the horizon to look forward to now! I still want more of course but nonetheless this is a good start. Now, I kinda worry that things could will be overwhelming next month but that's a good problem than what we have been subjected to the past few weeks of barely walking. Still praying hard for more to come especially as the 4th quarter is coming near, we badly need it!

Openings

 There's some pathways I saw today but there's still worry about them actually becoming a thing and if it does become a thing it could be chaotic and disorganized but I still it willl push through because it is so much needed and whatever obstacles that we could face, let's just cross the bridge when we get there and find solutions because now more than ever we needed something, anything to keep things afloat. T.H.E.S.T.R.U.G.G.L.E

Give Thanks

 Oh Dear Lord, I admit when I am overwhelmed with stressful stuff I do tend to neglect the good things happening and blessing and today I was reminded of how things could have been so much worse and thank you God for guiding my family and keeping them away from harm. I will strive my best not to forget this whenever I face uncertain stressful moments. 

Leanne

 I watched this new sitcom on Netflix - Leanne. It's from the same team who did my other sitcoms faves Mom, Bob Hearsts Abishola and the Sheldonverse. It's not as  funny as those shows yet but it has a good heartwarming and comforting feel to it. I enjoyed binging it today. I hope it gets a season 2 but if it doesn't the end was quite nice already. 

Floats

 Another about to end with so many questions in my mind. So many lingering thoughts that really scare me. I'm really hoping and praying that next week will bring in good news because it has been so difficult struggling to stay positive. 

Enfeoffed

This has been the longest drought and I'm really stressed about it. I still get to do stuff but it's not enough. This task I made for myself I was able to stretch it for a few more days so I have something to do but it's really making me sad that we are struggling at the moment. It sucks so bad. :(

Unexpected

It has been quite the struggle lately so to finally receive some good news just moments ago is such an euphoric feeling. And it came out of nowhere. Something that we have forgotte already because it seems like a loss cause but well we were in for a surprise. Thank you Lord, it just came in at the right time!

Flows

 The dry spell continues. So frustrating but there's always glimmer of hope. And I hold on to that. I'm also glad I got another day to fix some things with this one I was working on but started late because it is kinda boring but this is all I've got for now. Hopefully, more things will come soon.

Bits

 It is getting depressing! We are still not receiving stuff that will make things secure. I'm very worried that while I do get things done, I feel like I'm not giving my best capacity because of this cloud over my head. Oh dear Lord, please give us some good news soon.

Should've

A "what if I was there" situation. I hate that I saw that because I feel more envious than ever. Although the truth is, that's not really my line of interest but with my current struggle I should have let this stupid passion rule my head and tried to expand my horizon for better opportunities. Now I'm stuck with something that makes he happy but also makes me incredibly frustrated with how unstable it is. 

Get 'Em

 Since I've been a little messed up the past weeks I tried to avoid things that will give me unneccessary and shallow stress! I failed at the start because I was leading into another of those but good thing I scaled back past before it annoys me too much. I need to control my impulse sometimes, or maybe most of the time!

Cycle

 Dealing with so many problems and trying to put a brave face on. I am so exhausted. I will try to make an escape and check out because thinking about the many things that bother me is just overwhelming. Endless worries. Endless anxieties. Endless stress. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. I am lost. Lord, please guide me and the people I hold dear. 

Deli

 I was so worried of so many things but after talking it out it was not that horrible afterall and realize some of your gut feel was right all along. That's why sometimes it is need to clarify things head on and not torture yourself with assumptions. 

Signals

Sometimes I wish I didn't know much but it's still a good thing that I know enough so I will be conscious enough of my surroundings and the current status. It is a tricky situation because I know the practical side but also the more emotional, human side that makes things complicated. I'm a bit glad I'm not really the one in position to make big calls because it's a tough one!

Well

 Finished with one thing and now back to emptiness! I hope more stuff will come our way soon. This situation is stressing me out as I fear for a lot of things. While there some blessings today, I'm already worried sick of the future when the well runs dry. God forbid. Oh dear Lord, please hear my prayers and have good news come to us soon. 

Biscuits

 I always try to remind myself that things could get so much worse whenever I feel so frustrated with so many aspects of my life, but there are just simply moments in life when it is just so hard to keep a straight face with so many UNNECESSARY annoyance in life. I'm just really tired dealing with so many things that should not be a problem in the first place. But I really have no choice but deal with it because no one else would step up and take care of things.

Water

 Oh well, instead of just taking things calmly, you go overdrive and make things more complicated than it should be. Always complaining, always finding faults. You simply don't want peace of mind and just want to seek stress all the time. You will never change. I'm so tired of it but I have no choice anyway but deal with all your whining, ranting and meltdowns. I will just try my best to be numb. 

Embrace

 A bit of sigh of relief now with two things coming in so next week won't be a complete waster of resources. One of the most worried I've been in the past couple of years but still hoping for something with a longer leash. Hopefully, it comes soon enough

Hard to Be Happy

Matchbox 20's Rob Thomas has a new song, and how apt it is at this point in my life!

Some days get hold of me

Sometimes it’s hard to just be happy

And I could try

Don’t seem no use to me

Sometimes it’s hard to just be happy

Nokia

 My YouTube rabbithole is people showing old Nokia phones that stillm work today. I love Nokia pjones, they were so sturdy and battery life is insane. I still have a Nokia 101 today for my old simcard / backup phone but it's not the same as the one in the 00s. I'm a little Nokia wasn't able to successfull transition to the smartphone era. 

Dry

 Glad it was quite hot today, although the clouds were a little gloomy. I won't miss the rain anytime soon! There are still a lot of things in my mind, I have so many worries again but really hoping and praying for the best.

Can

 Stressing about money because there are a lot of household expenses right now, some unexpected that I need to attend to. Almost had a meltdown, but I controlled myself, just ranted to myself on my lonesome, then I calmed down and realized these are just small stuff in the grand scheme of things. And yes, things could have been worst. Sometimes you just really need to let it all out and get over it so you move on and function better with a clear mind.

Breaker

 The unlucky streak continues as now a part of our house has now working lights due to some malfunction. To be fair, the other sockets and majority has working electricity so just minor inconveniece and bigger problem has been prevented. Still, I can't help but feel frustrated with yet another blowback but I just reminded this is a solvable problem and I should learn not to panic with such setbacks because I do really tend to spiral internally with it comes to these things. But I don't lash out to anyone to give credit to myself. Oh dear Lord, please help and guide me. 

Pushing Buttons

 I really wanna complain because everything is just pissing me off. You want to creat a more organized setup and some just want to sneak in and mess things up and they have the nerve to be annoyed. I'm patient and I just don't speak because I'm just tired of it all and just wanna get over it but they will find a way to annoy the hell out of me. When will self reflection happen because it's only up to them for them to realize the damage because me pointing it out will just lead me to be guild tripped or turning the table against me so spare me that additional unneccessary stress because I can no longer deal with that!

Unlucky

 What a struggle for me this week was and the week ends with a house appliance not working out of nowhere. I was the one plugged it in and suddenly it's not working anymore. It's like someone is pulling a prank on me. May next week be better.. please

Leak

 There was a glimmer of sunshine and a rainbow earlier but now back to the damp weather. It was so quick and it really made me feel so sad right now. I am once again dealing with multiple anxiety trigging elements that I really have no contol with and some came out of nowhere just when you thought things are already OK. This weather just makes the feeling a lot worse 

Tight

 Bummer, I thought everything was all good then I had to face this out of the blue blow. And it was for something I actually did put some and time effort to. Lucky break! Trying my best not to get myself down and move on to next. 

Damp

 The rains just won't stop! Please Lord let us see the sun shine again! There's just too many stressful things that can happen with typhoons and hard rains! It's been like that for 2 weeks already but the past 3 days were the roughest. I've been so uncomfortable and anxious because of the raings!

Off Script

 Raining all day that I had to work from home today because Metro Manila is just pure chaos right now with the floods and everything. It's really hard to function on a rainy day like this! I hope the sun shines tomorrow please

Gnarly

 The weather today was chaotic but good thing my commute was generally good. I got to work early before the heavy rains poured that made traffic so chaotic! My commute was generally OK too, when there were hard rains I was inside a vehicle and when I was walking there were just light rains. I miss the sun!

Deep Dives

 I fell into another rabbit hole the past 2 days but did get myself educated on some world I'm not that familiar of and it's quite fascinating really.  One of those are those video essays on YouTube, I really found some gems really that the deep dives are really good and not just for the "content". In the hyper-commercialized online algorthim slaved world these days, it's quite difficult to sort out the distractions from the real ones. But I will definitely try my best to not fall for bait and actually read and not jump to reactions / hot take first without assesing things better.

Seize

I bought my mother a new radio because the one in her room had broken down. My mother is a music, news, and drama enthusiast. She is so happy, and it warmed my heart. The positions have really changed because I'm the one who gives her things that make her happy, just as she did when I was a child. Same case with Tatay too. I'll be 40 in 2 years and sometimes I still don't feel it, but moments like make me realize how time flies so fast and I have to cherish every single moment despite some of the stressful things that happen in between.

Caps

Gloomy weather coupled with that restless feeling due to multiple things. I just can't help but feel a lot of despair. But I have to hold on. I need to hold on. It's really hard not to lash out, but I don't wanna to stir more issues, so just let it be and keep things inside. I'm just frustrated when one can't see their own fault, maybe you do but you keep on justifying it with so much nonsense.  It's a terrible feeling and situation. I wish this were just like the movie when a heart-to-heart would lead to a realization and then change would come in. But that's not the reality, people most of the time don't listen and just want to stick with whatever trap they set themselves to. Incredibly frustrating and kills me inside little by little. 

Clutches

 I feel quite uneasy but I try my best not to show it by supporting others, even shielding them from possible inconvenience. It's not easy to suck everything to spare them but then again I don't really change them for good. But anyway, always for good things to come to all ofn us eventually.

UX

 Wrapped up something today and it made me soon because there won't be a next on the same lane in the for who knows when. I feel a little empty and worried but it's alright I still have two things on my plate and maybe a few more but I really this dry spell won't last long. I want them to pour again.

Rediscovering

 I'm listening to new songs from artists that I liked but haven't listened to in years! Here are some of them

Good People Do Bad Things - The Ting Tings

In It With You - Craig David and JoJo

The Man Who Can't Be Loved - James Morrisson

Shook - Sugababes

Rejects - Good Charlotte

Survive - Lewis Capaldi

Young & Dumb - Avril Lavigne and Simple Plan

Easy Come, Easy Go - All American Rejects

Walked

I did two important things at the same day, I was trying to do a third one but I failed because burnout caught up on me. Hopefully, tomorrow I will get things at once. Glad to know there are two doors that could open soon. I also really wish more will come soon!

Tires

When you get to feel how a person is bothered, it's quite stressful but I need to be calm so the person won't totally break down. It's really hard but I know I need to do it. So I do my best to fix things. I need to clear up my head then go ahead and face things as calm as I can. 

Tower

 I got emotional again over ABS CBN! Reading the post and tributes as their transmision tower will be demolished soon as the land it occupies has a new owner. They've survived 5 yeards without a franchise but with a big cost. It's still sad especially the circumstances behind it. Three times lang ako nakapunta sa ABS CBN compound (A school trip and interviews with Henry Omaga Diaz and then Studio 23 head Leo Katigbak for school too.) The tower is always a sight to behold. Quite sad that the historical compound will be gone soon but the story will live on.

Rabbit

 I had no plans to see the new I Know What You Did Last Summer, but then I watched this Jennifer Love Hewitt special on Entertainment Tonight, and I got all crushing on her again. Whoever thought of that, you did a good job getting me interested in seeing her on the big screen again. Also made me revisit the music of video LFO's Girl on TV, which then led me to listening to LFO's I Don't Wanna Kiss You Goodnight, such a good song! They don't make western pop songs like that anymore. Then it reminded me that two guys from LFO are no longer here. How tragic, both died due to cancer. Found the remaining guy still tours today as LFO with O-Town singing the songs

Short

I'm getting stressed about things I have no control with. It really is so frustrating because after an overload with almost no room to breathe there comes the dry spell again. That's why I try not to put pressure on them because I know they are in a tricky situation. Hoping and praying for good news soon

Ebbs and Flows

 Here we go again with the worries when things slow down. Although I still have things on queue that I try to juggle but  there's still the fear of things drying up. Oh dear Lord, hoping for blessings to come in soon enough

Pouring

 Heavy rains right now and while I dislike the discomfort of the scorching heat but rains like this one terrify me more. I hope it will stop soon because I'm getting a little anxious

Academy

Jampacked week ahead but after that is quite murky and I AM AFRAID. Hopefully, something comes up soon because I'm worried about  another dry spell. Here we go back again! I really there will be some incoming stuf to come in because badly needed. Well, not that badly in reality but I'm a very paranoid person.

Bags

 I'm annoyed that just because some people's intention to make a point I am the one who will have to do the hard work now. Partly my fault of course for raising my hand because this is for the better but still annoyed! Anyway, let's get to it!

New Entry

I've been a chart geek for most of my life but I did lay low as I got older and dealt with real problems adults face and I also kinda got bored of it eventually but well I still check from time to time and I found myself getting hooked again with MYX chartts. I've been interacting with other chart followers on a Youtube channel that follows MYX charts mainly because MYX charts for the past 2 years had a very slow pace and very limited catalog unlike before where they get the freshest songs and there I found other people who got frustrated with it too and together when there's a new entry or videos from a record label that had been absent for awhile on MYX we collectively chear on the comments. It's ben fun really to get to relieve my chart geeks day lately and share with online strangers who share the same habit!

Others

 I feel so bad but there's nothing I can really do about it. Everything will just fall on deaf ears because they priority what they feel, how they are always right and every one just disappoints you. Complains non stop, but when you do something right, hardly acknowledged. And even if they do, it will be easily forgotten when they feel hassled. Endless cycle that I'm so sick of but nothing i can do but take it all in and breathe it out. 

Deflated

 I have felt this way long ago but from time to time I feel some glimmer of positivity but immediately I hold back back because I know it won't last. It sucks so bad but it is what it is. Just trying my best not to get too much affected 

Foot Zone

 I had a foot massage yesterday for the very first time and I really loved it. It was a bit pricey since it's in a mall, but I thought I deserve to spend something for myself and I wanted to try this for so long. There was some pain when the therapist was stretching my toes, pain I didn't expect to have but it was so good! I feel relaxed after and will definitely try again!

98

 I wish I have the courage to be straightforward on certain things because it gets really frustrating to see the same patterns consistently happening but I know it will just lead to bigger problems, because what they'll see is an attack rather than pointing out how one can improve. I wish it weren't the case, but it is, as seen in many precedents before. I just have to let a big sigh and carry on. How I wish there's a realization someday what's really wrong and not always put the blame on others. How I wish there's a realization of the long term harm done. But it will probably never happen and you just let things be and be as strong as you can because there's no alternative.