Nothing again.
Next day awaits.
But now spiralling internally.
So many contingency plans in my head.
So many I would do things differently
So many wishes and regrets.
A tinge of reproachments too
I know it's unjustified though.
So I keep all those thoughts in.
It will be a recurrence
Until I feel secure and safe.
I first knew of Christian Esguerra when I attended UST's campus journalism workshop INKBLOTS nearly 20 years ago and he was one of the speakers. Then and until now one of my favorite journalists! I
Not exactly a good month, although I always remind myself that I had far worse experiences around this time in recent years to keep things in perspective. But it has been a struggle; it's so hard to be happy
Falling into nostalgia rabbit holes again on YouTube! Always bittersweet, trying my best not to be that sad because of feeling things! But I guess it's okay to have an outlet to let those feelings be out there. I always try to bury those feelings inside. I just can't be paralyzed with these thoughts. I just can't. And I know I feel these things because of external factors. Hopefully, things will brighten up soon. I'm holding like always but I'm such a mess inside.
Day didn't go as planned.... or rather didn't go as hoped. But oh well, still had some moments when I escaped from the usual. Made me feel a little nostalgic too. And you know with nostalgia comes a tinge of sadness. Anyway, back to the grind tomorrow.
Glad to have something on the horizon to look forward to now! I still want more of course but nonetheless this is a good start. Now, I kinda worry that things could will be overwhelming next month but that's a good problem than what we have been subjected to the past few weeks of barely walking. Still praying hard for more to come especially as the 4th quarter is coming near, we badly need it!
There's some pathways I saw today but there's still worry about them actually becoming a thing and if it does become a thing it could be chaotic and disorganized but I still it willl push through because it is so much needed and whatever obstacles that we could face, let's just cross the bridge when we get there and find solutions because now more than ever we needed something, anything to keep things afloat. T.H.E.S.T.R.U.G.G.L.E
Oh Dear Lord, I admit when I am overwhelmed with stressful stuff I do tend to neglect the good things happening and blessing and today I was reminded of how things could have been so much worse and thank you God for guiding my family and keeping them away from harm. I will strive my best not to forget this whenever I face uncertain stressful moments.
I watched this new sitcom on Netflix - Leanne. It's from the same team who did my other sitcoms faves Mom, Bob Hearsts Abishola and the Sheldonverse. It's not as funny as those shows yet but it has a good heartwarming and comforting feel to it. I enjoyed binging it today. I hope it gets a season 2 but if it doesn't the end was quite nice already.
Another about to end with so many questions in my mind. So many lingering thoughts that really scare me. I'm really hoping and praying that next week will bring in good news because it has been so difficult struggling to stay positive.
This has been the longest drought and I'm really stressed about it. I still get to do stuff but it's not enough. This task I made for myself I was able to stretch it for a few more days so I have something to do but it's really making me sad that we are struggling at the moment. It sucks so bad. :(
The dry spell continues. So frustrating but there's always glimmer of hope. And I hold on to that. I'm also glad I got another day to fix some things with this one I was working on but started late because it is kinda boring but this is all I've got for now. Hopefully, more things will come soon.
It is getting depressing! We are still not receiving stuff that will make things secure. I'm very worried that while I do get things done, I feel like I'm not giving my best capacity because of this cloud over my head. Oh dear Lord, please give us some good news soon.
Since I've been a little messed up the past weeks I tried to avoid things that will give me unneccessary and shallow stress! I failed at the start because I was leading into another of those but good thing I scaled back past before it annoys me too much. I need to control my impulse sometimes, or maybe most of the time!
Dealing with so many problems and trying to put a brave face on. I am so exhausted. I will try to make an escape and check out because thinking about the many things that bother me is just overwhelming. Endless worries. Endless anxieties. Endless stress. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. I am lost. Lord, please guide me and the people I hold dear.
I was so worried of so many things but after talking it out it was not that horrible afterall and realize some of your gut feel was right all along. That's why sometimes it is need to clarify things head on and not torture yourself with assumptions.
Finished with one thing and now back to emptiness! I hope more stuff will come our way soon. This situation is stressing me out as I fear for a lot of things. While there some blessings today, I'm already worried sick of the future when the well runs dry. God forbid. Oh dear Lord, please hear my prayers and have good news come to us soon.
I always try to remind myself that things could get so much worse whenever I feel so frustrated with so many aspects of my life, but there are just simply moments in life when it is just so hard to keep a straight face with so many UNNECESSARY annoyance in life. I'm just really tired dealing with so many things that should not be a problem in the first place. But I really have no choice but deal with it because no one else would step up and take care of things.
Oh well, instead of just taking things calmly, you go overdrive and make things more complicated than it should be. Always complaining, always finding faults. You simply don't want peace of mind and just want to seek stress all the time. You will never change. I'm so tired of it but I have no choice anyway but deal with all your whining, ranting and meltdowns. I will just try my best to be numb.
A bit of sigh of relief now with two things coming in so next week won't be a complete waster of resources. One of the most worried I've been in the past couple of years but still hoping for something with a longer leash. Hopefully, it comes soon enough
Matchbox 20's Rob Thomas has a new song, and how apt it is at this point in my life!
Some days get hold of me
Sometimes it’s hard to just be happy
And I could try
Don’t seem no use to me
Sometimes it’s hard to just be happy
My YouTube rabbithole is people showing old Nokia phones that stillm work today. I love Nokia pjones, they were so sturdy and battery life is insane. I still have a Nokia 101 today for my old simcard / backup phone but it's not the same as the one in the 00s. I'm a little Nokia wasn't able to successfull transition to the smartphone era.
Glad it was quite hot today, although the clouds were a little gloomy. I won't miss the rain anytime soon! There are still a lot of things in my mind, I have so many worries again but really hoping and praying for the best.
Stressing about money because there are a lot of household expenses right now, some unexpected that I need to attend to. Almost had a meltdown, but I controlled myself, just ranted to myself on my lonesome, then I calmed down and realized these are just small stuff in the grand scheme of things. And yes, things could have been worst. Sometimes you just really need to let it all out and get over it so you move on and function better with a clear mind.
The unlucky streak continues as now a part of our house has now working lights due to some malfunction. To be fair, the other sockets and majority has working electricity so just minor inconveniece and bigger problem has been prevented. Still, I can't help but feel frustrated with yet another blowback but I just reminded this is a solvable problem and I should learn not to panic with such setbacks because I do really tend to spiral internally with it comes to these things. But I don't lash out to anyone to give credit to myself. Oh dear Lord, please help and guide me.
I really wanna complain because everything is just pissing me off. You want to creat a more organized setup and some just want to sneak in and mess things up and they have the nerve to be annoyed. I'm patient and I just don't speak because I'm just tired of it all and just wanna get over it but they will find a way to annoy the hell out of me. When will self reflection happen because it's only up to them for them to realize the damage because me pointing it out will just lead me to be guild tripped or turning the table against me so spare me that additional unneccessary stress because I can no longer deal with that!
What a struggle for me this week was and the week ends with a house appliance not working out of nowhere. I was the one plugged it in and suddenly it's not working anymore. It's like someone is pulling a prank on me. May next week be better.. please
There was a glimmer of sunshine and a rainbow earlier but now back to the damp weather. It was so quick and it really made me feel so sad right now. I am once again dealing with multiple anxiety trigging elements that I really have no contol with and some came out of nowhere just when you thought things are already OK. This weather just makes the feeling a lot worse
Bummer, I thought everything was all good then I had to face this out of the blue blow. And it was for something I actually did put some and time effort to. Lucky break! Trying my best not to get myself down and move on to next.
The rains just won't stop! Please Lord let us see the sun shine again! There's just too many stressful things that can happen with typhoons and hard rains! It's been like that for 2 weeks already but the past 3 days were the roughest. I've been so uncomfortable and anxious because of the raings!
Raining all day that I had to work from home today because Metro Manila is just pure chaos right now with the floods and everything. It's really hard to function on a rainy day like this! I hope the sun shines tomorrow please
The weather today was chaotic but good thing my commute was generally good. I got to work early before the heavy rains poured that made traffic so chaotic! My commute was generally OK too, when there were hard rains I was inside a vehicle and when I was walking there were just light rains. I miss the sun!
I fell into another rabbit hole the past 2 days but did get myself educated on some world I'm not that familiar of and it's quite fascinating really. One of those are those video essays on YouTube, I really found some gems really that the deep dives are really good and not just for the "content". In the hyper-commercialized online algorthim slaved world these days, it's quite difficult to sort out the distractions from the real ones. But I will definitely try my best to not fall for bait and actually read and not jump to reactions / hot take first without assesing things better.
I feel quite uneasy but I try my best not to show it by supporting others, even shielding them from possible inconvenience. It's not easy to suck everything to spare them but then again I don't really change them for good. But anyway, always for good things to come to all ofn us eventually.
Wrapped up something today and it made me soon because there won't be a next on the same lane in the for who knows when. I feel a little empty and worried but it's alright I still have two things on my plate and maybe a few more but I really this dry spell won't last long. I want them to pour again.
I'm listening to new songs from artists that I liked but haven't listened to in years! Here are some of them
Good People Do Bad Things - The Ting Tings
In It With You - Craig David and JoJo
The Man Who Can't Be Loved - James Morrisson
Shook - Sugababes
Rejects - Good Charlotte
Survive - Lewis Capaldi
Young & Dumb - Avril Lavigne and Simple Plan
Easy Come, Easy Go - All American Rejects
I got emotional again over ABS CBN! Reading the post and tributes as their transmision tower will be demolished soon as the land it occupies has a new owner. They've survived 5 yeards without a franchise but with a big cost. It's still sad especially the circumstances behind it. Three times lang ako nakapunta sa ABS CBN compound (A school trip and interviews with Henry Omaga Diaz and then Studio 23 head Leo Katigbak for school too.) The tower is always a sight to behold. Quite sad that the historical compound will be gone soon but the story will live on.
I had no plans to see the new I Know What You Did Last Summer, but then I watched this Jennifer Love Hewitt special on Entertainment Tonight, and I got all crushing on her again. Whoever thought of that, you did a good job getting me interested in seeing her on the big screen again. Also made me revisit the music of video LFO's Girl on TV, which then led me to listening to LFO's I Don't Wanna Kiss You Goodnight, such a good song! They don't make western pop songs like that anymore. Then it reminded me that two guys from LFO are no longer here. How tragic, both died due to cancer. Found the remaining guy still tours today as LFO with O-Town singing the songs
Here we go again with the worries when things slow down. Although I still have things on queue that I try to juggle but there's still the fear of things drying up. Oh dear Lord, hoping for blessings to come in soon enough
Heavy rains right now and while I dislike the discomfort of the scorching heat but rains like this one terrify me more. I hope it will stop soon because I'm getting a little anxious
I'm annoyed that just because some people's intention to make a point I am the one who will have to do the hard work now. Partly my fault of course for raising my hand because this is for the better but still annoyed! Anyway, let's get to it!
I feel so bad but there's nothing I can really do about it. Everything will just fall on deaf ears because they priority what they feel, how they are always right and every one just disappoints you. Complains non stop, but when you do something right, hardly acknowledged. And even if they do, it will be easily forgotten when they feel hassled. Endless cycle that I'm so sick of but nothing i can do but take it all in and breathe it out.
I have felt this way long ago but from time to time I feel some glimmer of positivity but immediately I hold back back because I know it won't last. It sucks so bad but it is what it is. Just trying my best not to get too much affected
I had a foot massage yesterday for the very first time and I really loved it. It was a bit pricey since it's in a mall, but I thought I deserve to spend something for myself and I wanted to try this for so long. There was some pain when the therapist was stretching my toes, pain I didn't expect to have but it was so good! I feel relaxed after and will definitely try again!
I wish I have the courage to be straightforward on certain things because it gets really frustrating to see the same patterns consistently happening but I know it will just lead to bigger problems, because what they'll see is an attack rather than pointing out how one can improve. I wish it weren't the case, but it is, as seen in many precedents before. I just have to let a big sigh and carry on. How I wish there's a realization someday what's really wrong and not always put the blame on others. How I wish there's a realization of the long term harm done. But it will probably never happen and you just let things be and be as strong as you can because there's no alternative.
"Look at him long life and no stress" well, because he wasn't actively searching for something to disappoint him and get upset over. Maybe that is the key. He didn't find someone else to blame why for his dissatisfaction. Maybe he wanted them to be at ease first so they could actually spread their wings and not get stunted in life. Maybe that's why they were able to give him the life you obviously envious for because they were able to do something beyond because they didn't feel they have to adjust to what pleases him. All speculations but maybe something to ponder rather than jumping ahead to reproaching.
First weekend in a while I didn't have something I need to finish that I was struggling to finish. Hopefully, there will be more organized weekends on the horizon. I need to get back to reading for pleasure again. I have some unfinished books last year so I need to get back to that!
So glad I was finally able to do something ahead of time and not the usual scrambling in the end. Although I'm quite sad the list is getting shorter but I do believe there are more on the horizon so I need calm down a bit. I do need some little break but not too long please. I don't want to be frustrated when there's a drought again.
I wish I could be free of worrying but it's just not the case. I'm always on the lookout. Always so paranoid that things will go haywire. It's hard living this way. I always fear something bad could happen. So I'm really okay when things are dull and boring, as long as there's stability and safety,
Totally loving this new Maki song Kahel Na Langit! Beautifully written and performed! I've been playing it repeatedly lately!
I can't finish some things I want to do because I have to listen to rants, and they don't care about the things you have to do because they want to rant and rant. Sometimes, the issues can be resolved, or shouldn't be made a big deal because they just stress you out unnecessarily. You can choose to live a life free of stress.
I don't know how to deal with the recurring stressful things in my life. I don't know what the right strategy anymore to maintain peace. I feel like even if I try my best and make sacrifices, nothing really changes. I am so tired but I am trapped in this endless cycle. What's even harder is that the alternative is so much worst, I hate that sometimes I think of that worse case scenario. Because I can't help it when I feel so overwhelmed with unpleasant feelings
I've noticed it for a long time already, but I was so in denial. But I knew, or I think I know what's going on but I don't want it to be confirmed. All because I'm afraid of another source of stress but I have to face the reality of what this all means. Hoping and praying it won't further escalate.
Sad to learn that shop where I bought my laptop has closed down. I bought it 3 years ago on a small shop in Makati, found them on Facebook and read good reviews that they are legit and has good prices. And it is true. They still have affiliate shops in QC but this shop was so convenient to me
Another unnecessary stress. But of course there is always the lack of self awareness. So I have to take it all in. Or maybe I don't. I shouldn't. But too late, already affected. Oh, well what can I do. This is the story of my life. I'm just gonna shove it inside and do other things Or worry for tomorrow.
So I'm a bit worried that things are starting to dry up again after a very busy past few months. I still have things to do but I want more things to come soon. There were some opportunities though that could have kept me covered but some things happened that I wasn't able to squeeze myself in. Really hoping there will be some more on the horizon.
I discovered Taylor through this show, and I became a fan. She's so funny and lovable (and yes beautiful!). CBS should have continued with another host when Taylor decided to leave and not just cancel it outright. I feel Taylor may have felt a little guilty about people losing jobs in this speech, and she shouldn't be. Not her fault CBS is broke too! I'm gonna miss her!
I am feeling a lot of things. So overwhelming and chaotic. I want to be selfish and just think of myself. But of course I can't do that. It's just hard to absorb everything but I have to. So here is just how I handle things, just blurting it all out here because I have no one to tell about it anyway. Let it out then go on
Yeah, I tried something because I was craving for something and hoping for a better result than before but my bad it still the mediocre experience like it always. I never na learn
I'm not back in my groove yet and the constant stress dumping on me is just making feel so exhausted. I can't turn them away though because I understand the need to process what you feel so one could function better. But it's taking a toll on me so I need to find a way to shake this off
Disney+ PH had a promo here one one-year Basic subscription for around 8 dollars so I grabbed it! The monthly here for Basic is around 4 dollars a month so it's a good deal. Binged two shows Adults and Dying for Sex and here my thoughts:
I didn't expect Dying For Sexy would be really funny despite the subject matter. Michelle WIlliams is indeed really amazing here. So is Jenny Slate. What a great story of friendship and how your friend could be your soul mate. The last episode is an all timer, the nurse's enthusiasm about the dying process is so bonkers, it's funny but scary at the same time but I do think they got the tone right for that one. I also like the fact that his ex-husband was in the final episode, I like that they didn't make him a jerk in the end, he just wasn't the right person to be in the end with her despite good intentions. And such great acting from Michelle, the smile she gave when the ex husband told Molly that he is having a baby spoke a lot, genuine happiness for him. I have to say when Molly died, I didn't expect to laugh with the open mouth thing, such good timing As for Adutls, the pilot was tonally a mess, but really got good in the succeeding episodes thanks to a really strong cast, I wish it had more than 8 episodes though. But even with just 8 episodes, I already feel like I know a lot about the main 5 already and their history which for me is a sign of a good comedy show.
I've been misisng watch TV shows for leisure so I'll go back again and get my mind some break!
I need to get over this feeling because it has been affecting me deep inside. I wish I could find a way to just set this feeling of doom aside but it has been hovering my head. I need to shake this feeling off and march on.
I knew it. No matter how I try to make things okay, it just doesn't work when there's inherent bias. Oh yeah. It just is.. I feel a little upset and stressed, but can't show it. So here I am, shouting it to the internet or the dying blogspot space.
I teared up while working on the dubbing script for the finale of this show. It's such a special one, it's like a warm hug! I've seen hundreds of telenovelas in this job for the last 16 years, and this will have a special spot in my heart
I feel guilty thinking about it because of recent discoveries but I can't help it. Now I think we are better off if something else takes over. I may regret it if it actually happens I know but for now let me dream about ideal scenarios
I wish I didn't know about this. Ignorance is bliss as they say. Argh, now I'm just affected and bothered. I can't blame that person because it was just trauma dumping to help ease their felling but now I'm very bothered. How do I handle this stuff now?
I wish I didn't go deep with this because confirming some of the things I felt really sucks. I feel sad because I am disillusioned now although I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt but it is so hard not to feel crushed and jaded.
I'm in a tough position and very afraid of what could happen next. I see the point of all sides but it's just hard to resolved without someone getting hurt in the process. I'm afraid of the collateral damage.
Not feeling good again, although for another reason that I really should not be involved, but I got involved by proxy. You see the sides, but having a resolution to this that will be good for both will just be difficult for everyone involved. Just makes me think even more that I don't want to be put in that kind of situation.
I watched this interview with Karmina Constantino and David Celdran and wow what an articulate conversation. Something I miss these days, eloquence and thought-provoking discussions. The times we live in where everything is so tense and people always angry than sit down and discuss and LISTEN. Oh, well...
I once again became a sounding board which kinda ruined some plan I had but it was necessary because this is what I do best to be someone who listens to help people process what they feel and thus aleviate bigger problem. I did some sharing as well because it just how goes naturally
Really hoping things will turn out fine this weekend. Always a challenge to do things I need to do because of many distractions some self imposed but I need to make this one thing right after pulling things the last minute and taking risks. I need to do it so much better, so let's go!
Yeah, I messed up with something because of letting myself get distracted and not focusing better. I got complacent too because I knew too much. Still, got some reprieve because som people are really nice so I better make up with it and deliver better next time. I need to organize myself better too of course
Glad to see new stuff coming in! The past 3 months were insane with so many stuff going on. I'm very please with that despite the fact that it was quite hectic. I still have a lot on my plate so I better work on it!
Nanay's birthday today and very thankful to God that she's in such a happy mood these days. As always, my birthday wish for her is good health. Thank you Lord for always guiding Nanay.
Fell into another YouTube rabbit hole again! This time US sitcoms of the 2010s! I love those days! They were part of my young adult years, watching them made me escape to have those funny and heartwarming moments!
SolarFlix uploaded the first episode of the Tagalog Dubbed version of Turkish show RECIPE OF LOVE. Translated this one and really proud of it!
Another unnecessary stress in my life. What else is new? I'm tired of it, but I just need to move along. People will always find a way to stress themselves out for no good reason. I know my words won't solve anything because they will fall on deaf ears. After all, all they want to do is just rant and rant and rant and rant and rant. I just have to wait for things to chill out. I learned not to go against anyone anymore and just be static and appear emotionless. Self preservation.
I have so many things to do and I don't need additional pressure so yeah I'm gonna pull back a little because I won't let myself get into so much stress for things I'm not directly involved anyway. I will set my limits because I don't to bury myself too much with these things.
Lots of pressure but it's OK I can manage it. I HAVE to manage it. Sometimes, I can't believe I'm in this position now but then I have to remind myself I'm turning 38 in a few months time, it's natural for me to have this kind of responsibility. It gets overwhelming but I carry on because that's what you do.
Caught up with Georgie and Mandy's First Marriage and it really is a good show. What a smooth first season and it totally gets what makes a broadcast comedy work, fun and heartwarming with compelling emotional beats from time to time. Also, they make good use of Young Sheldon characters and storylines. Some spinoffs forget the universe of the show where they came from to establish itself on its own quickly but this one doesn't ignore where they came from and makes good use of the predecessor's storylines to connect to the new show without making this spinoff feel just like an extension only
I'm really impressed how this same Sheldonverse team can transition back to multicam, it doesn't feel off at all. And one last thing, the retcon they made to Mandy's brother Conner was so good and the character is so lovable already that this early on I could see it becoming another spinoff
Finished one more thing to do and kinda received a compliment! It feels good to feel a little bit validated in what you do. I'm a bit messy, but I always strive to do well in this niche I found myself in because I do really enjoy it. And when people take notice, it feels so great and keeps me movin
