Encash

Each time I do this, I panic again because of a drought. Now, I'm torn giving up something again  to help out but I also get tired because of it. But I also need to look after myself as well. I wish there would be an outpour again so we get all to be happy. I need to be more assertive and not feel guilty that I could be crossing the lines. I get conscious because of some previous incidents where I was called out. I overcompensate now which I feel that I'm getting the short end of the stick. But really not. I'm just paranoid. I wish that thing was still with us so I feel more at peace. 

Hammer

I need to do something but I got lazy again. I just did my own version of fun again!  It's kind of waste of time and I kinda regret distracting myself again. But I've done it so many times, I never learn! Anyway, now I have to catch up to get this done. Good luck!

Tear Down

I kinda hate that I got interested in a recent celebrity cheating scandal but the story is just so interesting but then it made me realize how this is way too personal that people should not be informed about this. This is how "justice" for some people is these days I guess. It looks fun if done on a fictional series or movie but when it's real life, you gotta feel a little bit icky about it too. So yeah, I need to really not get so invested with this kind of things really even if it's inescapable sometimes. 

Pushover

I have to be strong and not let the repetitive things affect me that much. I'm a weakling, I just couldn't bear the thought of being the target of ill feelings especially when I know I did nothing wrong in the grand scheme of things. But I always give in, I take the high road because I thought that this would give me peace of mind but I've realized that I've opened myself to further emotional torture. I don't deserve it but I just have to deal with it. I just need to learn to be numb. But I do hope someday, I get a sincere apology for all the hurt you did to me and full realization that you did me wrong. Yes, there's a lot of love but the moments you hurt cut me deep. I didn't act out and just shoved all the pain so I could focus on more important things. But everytime I'm treated unfairly, all these feelings pour in and make me miserable in the end. I'm so tired of it all but I know I really have nowhere to go.  Sometimes I get drunk on a fantasy life, of what could have been. It gives fleeting feelings of joy but ultimately it just makes me sad. That's why I avoid thinking about it but in moments like this when I feel so down and hurt, I am defenseless to my own vulnerability.  Oh Dear Lorn, please enligthen those who need to be, get into the heart and realize all the pain I've been carrying deep inside my heart all these years. I can't speak up, I can't fight back. All i could do is just lay in bed and cry silently so I could wake up with a better feeling. 

Wrapped 2024

 Spotify Wrapped used to be more detailed when it still had a dedicated website but now that it's just app only, it got a little boring but nonetheless, as a chart geek, it's fun to see my music ranking for the year. This year I jumped the BINI bandwagon and got into many Gen Z artists! This is not me trying to be young but I just enjoyed their music and it's appealing to an older millennial like me! My top podcasts are 2/3 audio dramas that Nanay loves to listen and the other three are about my interest in entertainment business, economics and Internet pop culture!

Sink

I'm always walking on eggshells. This is not something new, but I feel awful each time it happens. I have no choice but to be level-headed, I can't join in or else we will all fall. On top of that, I have to deal with increasingly alarming signs that I try to ignore but deep inside I feel so much fear of what could happen next. All I want for Christmas is peace of mind or a semblance of it. 

Carols

 I started playing Christmas songs today to set me in the holiday mood. Yeah, it really didn't. It didn't help that the weather was gloomy and rainy, too. And I'm still a little sick, too. Hopefully, I will feel more of that vibe in the coming days. 

Shine

 

It's a yearly tradition to wait for the ABS-CBN Christmas Station ID. I have to admit this year I'm a bit underwhelmed with the song, not as instantly catchy as before but the meaning is good course. It just doesn't have the same magic but I don't know maybe it's a grower. Family is Love in 2018 I was underwhelmed too but eventually got the hang of it. 

'Tis the Season

 December us here and as usual since things happened in my life I'm not feeling the holiday joy anymore and 'I've long accepted that I will probably never feel the same excitement I had when I was a child. But I always try not to be a grinch to others and myself. I don't want to be in a miserable state so I find ways to feel positive, appreciate what I have, and be grateful that I'm not facing larger-than-life problems. It's a constant battle that even gets harder during this time. 

Snooze

 Feeling a little better but still not in top form that I want to but at least there's improvement which is nice. Hoping to fully recover soon enough because the weather is finally cold which what I've been waiting but I can't appreciate it now because I'm sick. It's such a good weather to just laze around and sleep/nap!

Sneeze

 A bit of a struggle today as I deal with sickness. And there's not comfortable place to rest really. I still deal with stress of all proportions. I hope I get better soon enough so I could function better. 

Before 4

 I don't want to say it's all good, there are still some things I need to worry about but at least it's not the worst scenario brewing in my mind. And all I want is for this to be stable and be away from more hazardous things. I know it will never be like it was before but I just hope for peace of mind and no scary suffering. I always pray hard to God for it and I'm grateful that the worst things in my mind or a repeat of past incidents haven't occurred again. I'm always worried but I take anything I can hold on to. 

Quest

 Quite a busy day and I'm glad because of those doors opening which will keep things stable for quite some time. Now, I still feel envious about that one thing that we were supposed to do but alas things didn't work in our favor!  But what can we do but move on and appreciate those in front of us. 

Unity

 There's some teleserye-level national drama in the country. I don't know what to feel because either choice is a losing one in the grand scheme of things. I also hate that I find all this chaos entertaining somehow because these are still serious things. I don't know where this country is headed!

Will

 I've been struggling to finish one task because it's a little boring like I feel sleepy doing it! But made some progress hopefully tomorrow I can finish it already so I can proceed to do something more in line with my interest. 

Atip

 No one: .....

That person: CREATES DRAMA

It's really frustrating when you are just in a regular mood and then, out of the blue, some people act strangely out of their whims! Sure, intention may be good, but is this worth all the stress you are giving everyone?  Seeking tension as always. I'm so sick of it. 

Gracias!

 Oh thank goodness, some good news finally happened, I was stressing about it already! It's here now!  Thank you Lord! This really helps my mood now because I've been so stress and down!

Sacks

I really want to say something but I can't because it will be misinterpreted and in the end, I will cave in because I just want to avoid stress. But I'm really annoyed with what I perceive as carelessness. Just going in without asking me really. It would have been fine if it had been better planned but things seem to be done in a hasty, impulsive manner and there was a mishandling earlier. I wish I could say what I really feel or something happens to get an epiphany of some sort. 

Unpleasant

 Here I go again with this feeling I can't shake off. Objectively speaking, there's not really awful to feel bad about, it's just that I worry about what could happen and I'm getting scared already. It's just affecting my mood right now. I still feel bad for all the missed shots to the point I'm already going for the "what if" scenarios in my mind which does nothing but my feelings of dread. Still thankful that this is still not that horrible, I need to remind myself that so I could put things in perspective. Heavens, I'm really hoping for good news. 

Drive

I still feel down. A million things in my mind right now. I did some things early to distract myself and also ease some worries. It was good for awhile but I'm back again feeling so off. I know the reason why and it's something I really can't control but I just can't get it off my mind. It worries me so much. 

Plank

Made a little screw-up today because of my overeagerness. I already knew what could happen but couldn't help but still do it. I apologized for my mistake and things are good but I still feel upset. I guess I'm just a little volatile lately the slightest mishap would make me go spiral internally though because I just can't show my true emotions in public because it would stress me out even further.

Greenlit

 Glad to have at least one thing confirmed for the next month. And it's an interesting one for me too so I'm gonna be something interesting to do. But still hoping for more. There's still one hanging over my head although it's already all but confirmed that it's over but I still keep a glimmer of hope that it could still go.

Hard Bread

 It's really hard to deal with mood swings, I'm so tempted to lash out but for my sake I let it go. I just don't want to add stress in my life. I'll do anything to avoid conflict these days. It's just not worth it. 

Defy

 So I spent my day for entertainment. I binged a TV show, a comedy which was good enough but I felt something was lacking but I did get some good laughs and insightful moments. Then I fell into a rabbit hole on YouTube watching random stuff until I got hooked by the marketing of an upcoming which i will definitely see in theaters hopefully next week!

Stir

I'm stressed over someone wanting to create drama when there is none! It really shouldn't come to this when you can just let things slide and forget about it. That person thinks he is entitled to do so but nope you are creating problems when we could all just be at peace. They don't learn. They can't sit still and be appreciative of what there is at the moment. Why create stressful situations? The frustrating part is I can;t confront that person to tell it straight because it will fall on deaf ears. I'm so exhausted of this behavior. ENOUGH!!!!!!

Irvin

 A colleague passed away a few days ago. Rest in peace, Irvin. And even though we never interacted that much in the office, I knew you were great at your work, had a great passion for cinema, and wrote well-written film reviews online.  I visited a message board about film and the Oscars where Irvin is well-known and reading their good words about him is quite touching. We paid our last respects to him earlier today where we met his parents, who despite what they are going through, welcomed us with pleasant smiles. My heart was broken when his mother was telling us about Irvin's last days and how she embraced her son for the last time. I just can't imagine the pain of a parent losing a child.  

Cooked

 Exhausted about everything. But I can't give up. I can't set everything aside and go off. But my mind is an absolute mess right now. Worrying about multiple things. I need to leave non-essential stuff that is just cluttering my mind. I really want to be 100% on essential stuff but damn it, I just get lazy sometimes and need something to distract me. But it's just an excuse most of the time. It's so difficult to take everything in.

Blows

Having a hard time concentrating. I feel worried and restless. A normal thing by now. I was on a roll on a thing I delayed because I couldn't focus and then something happened to put it to a halt. Everything is just so complicated. I can't rest easy. 

Winds

 Glad to receive something new today but hopefully more will be coming just to stabilize things. I'm really interested in this new one because it will take me to another world I'm quite curious about. This is one of the things that I like doing because as someone always curious, getting a glimpse of another world is a treat!

Along

 There are thing I haven't move on but I'm just moving along as life goes on but still holding on to that hope that there will be vindication eventually. I really hope so.

Blood and Heat

 I'm so worried again but now double it up! I need to stay calm because I can't act out because it will just make things worst. But this is driving me insane and I'm really exhausted carrying so many stressul stuff on my shoulder. 

Hats

I get why people are really mad but I don't know, I think social media witchhunt is a pointless thing to do anymore and will just be harmful to one's mental health. But that's social media for you, it's just too unavoidable now. So I hope if this is getting too much for one's headspace, one should take a break. Recharge before you go back to staying vigilant. Don't let despair consume you totally.

Vote

 I felt I didn't want to feel empathetic anymore after some frustrating national-level events but eventually, I did move on from it and just let things be and focused on my family and work. I still get frustrated from time to time on a national level but while in the grand scheme of things I am powerless, I could still make those changes or live the life I believe is right in my own circle like my family and workplace. There are a lot of people in my workplace who made certain choices due to misguided thoughts influenced by online noises but in general, they are good people who really just want to do good for their family. Hostility is not the way to go even if it's really tempting to do so sometimes.

Not

 I'm feeling a lot of anxiety now from personal to world issues. The thing is I cannot control how the world works so why would I stress about it? I thought I could be numb with these anymore but I just can't help but care. I need to stop thinking about these things anymore and just focus on what I can do in my life where I am directly affected. 

Bit

After the hectic last few weeks, I'm now on a plateau. There's still pending matter but nothing immediate. I'm also spacing it out because the drought is coming unless something pops up soon. I really hope it does. Getting anxious again. How I wish it was 2022 all over again. 

Four in a Row

 It wasn't easy and I had to deal with some little personal drama along the way but thank goodness I was able to pull it off. I'm a little sad that my slate for the coming weeks is not that busy but still grateful for those that come along. Hoping and praying for more before the year ends. 

The Second Chance!

  "The Second Chance," the Thai remake of El Cuerpo Del Deseo, is coming to TV5 beginning next week! I was entertained while working on the dubbing because the flow is not boring at all!  I'm excited to see it on TV.

Bracelet

 One down. Not the pacing that I was targetting but better this than totally delaying again for no good reason. It's still a tall order to do everything I need to do but I will work my best because I do really need it. And I won't have much coming up after this back to back to back to back stuff I need to finish. But I do hope something good will go about soon, Just to easy my anxieties because as usual I think negatively in advance!

Yeah, yeah.

 Hoping to finish the first one tonight but could be a challenge because I let myself get distracted again and also getting distracted by other things too, Okay back to my goal again! I have more in the pipeline!

4/4

I'll be so busy doing some stuff in the next 4 days! I need to meet my goal and make it work. No distractions. No delays. I still need to juggle other stuff while doing this but I just need to have the right mindset so I could accomplish. On we go!

Struggling

Thinking of one thing that it is more convenient but then again it has its own share of difficulties as well. Most notably, lack of awareness for some that they expect everyone is at ther beck and call. Or worst, being the sounding of self inflicted stressors. I hate to think this way but this is what I have been dealing and sometimes it takes a toll on me. Internally, of course. I can't show weakness as much as possible 

Confused

 I just witnessed yet again something that's really making me worry. Just trying to calm myself down that it's manageable, I must be patient. It's so hard to be levelheaded because everything is difficult to deal with but I can't afford to lose hope. I need to be strong so everything won't fall apart. 

Alarm

 I'm back worrying again over something that isn't under my control, but this is how I am, already sounding the alarm as early as now. I really hope that something good and new will come up soon so that I can feel at ease. 

Shallow Waters

 Decided to step away from that thing that would just give me unnecessary stress. I already starting to sense that it will upset me and it's such a nonsense matter. I just get too drawn with inconsequential things sometimes. Now I will try to focus on what matters again. Especially, since I'm starting to get worried about that thing again. 

Winner

 My bet Kai lost on PBB Gen 11, just 4th place. I kinda saw it coming base on voting trends and the forums and social media reactions I've been reading.  But well it was a fun show and I really got hooked now back to regular programming to me and focus on other stuff!

Penultimate

 I've been watching PBB since Day 1, 19 years ago, and this has been a good season. I know na that the cost-cutting sa production is quite evident, there were no "grand" tasks unlike before. Still, I do think yun pa nga naging edge this season kasi there were tendencies na over-produced na yung tasks or masyado na showbiz (concerts), or tasks where they go outside which defeats the initial concept of the show na isolated lang sila. In a way back to basics sila dito so there are more social interactions with the housemates. Since wala na rin yung activity area mas limited pa mundo nila but the earlier seasons like the ones from over a decade ago ganito rin naman kaliit ang mundo nila and it was engaging kasi you just watch how they interact and what stories develop organically. I'm not a fan of too many game-based challenges, it gets boring later on din kasi, the finale weeks of previous seasons naging challenge-driven which kills momentum. I have to say the finale week of this season is well-done. Mas nakilala ang Big 4, a true test of character and a look on how strong their relationships have formed. That's what keeps me hooked sa show despite its flaws. Your connection with the housemates and how you will see yourself one way or another or even get exposed to certain personalities and relationships that you wouldn't do in normal life. I can't help but smile sa penultimate episode, seeing the big 4 reunited, their reactions when they heard Kuya again, and their special dinner where they share their sincerest praises to one another. Just pure human emotion. This is the best thing about this show, despite the flaws and issues, it will always have that heart.

Kristine Again

 Stuck at home because of the typhoon. But now I'm thinking maybe I should have just braved the weather and went to the office instead! I just can't focus here. WFH is not for me. My situation isn't just ideal for it. 

Kristine

 Didn't go to work today because I woke up and felt off. It didn't help that there was a typhoon although we weren't badly hit like in other provinces but I just didn't feel that going to the office under this weather is good. I do feel better now and I do think it was a good decision to take a leave for today because the commute home will be difficulty with the rains and the winds. 

To the....

 I was planning to accomplish something but barely got started. I was so sleepy all afternoon I wasn't able to focus. Argh. Hate when that happens especially since I have a lot of things to do this week. Let's try again tomorrow!

Archive

Browsing the recently uploaded Heraldo Filipino digital archives (https://www.heraldofilipino.org/archives) brings back many memories. I can't help but feel nostalgic seeing my first articles published 19 years ago. It was a dream come true to see my name printed on the campus broadsheet (especially when it was on the front page). I feel that sometimes as I get older, I'm losing that spark I once had because of life's many challenges. So seeing these again, it's nice to be reminded of that youthful zest I had before.

Development

Mixed bag because one carelessly said hurtful words without thinking how it would affect the person. And it's all just because of something else bothering him and lashing out at someone else. Thus, creating unnecessary tension. Annoyed. Later on, though, he realized that he had made one wrong move on a separate issue. I liked that I heard some acknowledgment of a mistake made because it's not a usual thing, pride and all. So yeah it's a day that's quite confusing to deal with. 

Gen11

 I really like PBB Gen 11 and the result of the Big 4 tonight was excting as always. This show 19 years in still gets it really. My bet is Kai and I hope she wins!

Five Bottles

 Glad to know the worst fears didn't happen. Thank God for that. But always, it's never really 100% okay but taking one step at a time, I'm all good. I will continue to pray for the stability and improvement. 

Hundreds

 I'm feeling anxious again. I can't help it. Adding to my worries are some of the other non-directly related things that are making me feel so worried again. But then I need to focus my energy on this particular thing that is directly affecting me. It's just an awful feeling but I need to stay strong. 

Practical

 So I answered an alumni survey from my college and in one question I responded that the university should have a thorough program on financial literacy for all graduating students. A student should have a basic idea of what SSS, Philhealth, PAGIBIG and the like are

Blob

 No matter how I try to ignore it, the warning signs are there. I'm scared but I need to prepare myself in all aspects of what could likely come. I hope it isn't the worst case, This has been my life for the last 4 years, always praying for the least scary outcome. Oh dear Lord, please hear my prayer. 

Is

 I felt really bad for my co-worker dealing with a very emotional time personally. He should not be in the office but I get why he still came in. It is his escape. We actually just let him when he sleeps because he does not get any at home due the ordeal he is facing with. I can't help but think what if I get into the same situation. I had a similar experience and thankfully we survived it but still, the threat is always there. It's really soul-sucking, to be honest but you gotta march on. Praying hard for my co-worker to be strong in these trying times. 

Cut

 I let myself get distracted and mildly upset over something that does not involve me personally but is just a hobby. I really need to step back sometimes because I get too invested like how people get so involved in sports. I do get some entertainment here but when things get toxic, nope, I have other things in mind that I don't have space for that shallow thing. 

169

I did a random again today for cheap thrills! I'm just looking for something to fill in the gap without risking too much but well I already feel disappointed this early on! 

Plugged In

 I bought a new branded earphone (wired), and it's cheaper now, thanks, I guess, to bluetooth earphones! I still prefer wired ones because I will just lose the bluetooth ones; I'm not going to risk it!

Ignite

I was planning to do something tonight but the lazybone won over again. Tomorrow it is! Anyway, another one of my shallow interests wasted my time. Argh! Why do i still get affected over such nonsense! And it's not really serious nor directly affects me but just plain "team" nonsense so to speak! But I guess sometimes it's OK to be annoyed at something that don't have real weigh as a funnel to let out those things that really bother you for real big time!

ZzZz

 I'm fighting sleepiness right now. I slept well enough, so this is something other than just being tired. I was able to do some errands earlier with full attention but now I'm so sleepy! It's not even noon yet! I don't know what my consciousness is actually saying right now. 

Coffee

 Always checking and nil most of the time. I don't know why I keep on insisting that there's still probably a chance it could work out. My mind is so chaotic all the time. I need to stop overthinking but just when I think I found the right spot to stabilize, it will then come crashing down when something out of the blue provokes to overthink again. Ignorance is bliss sometimes or maybe most of the time. 

Skip

 I made a call today that is partly for my benefit and for others. I think it was a good decision because things went smoothly but hopefully tomorrow I get back the groove. I am finding ways to get excited again after that thing that was not pushing through anymore.  Yeah, still not over that but there's nothing I can do about it anymore but just move on. 

Wither

 Another one of those days where I suffer from unnecessary stress because of people making a big deal out of nothing. Making a big fuss when you can't just let it pass. Yet again I just think "It could be worse" so I don't have to make things harder for me because I struggle internally when those things happen, It's tough mentally and emotionally. I try my best to keep it together and do fine on the outside most of the time because I just have to. 

Grip

 Sometimes I miss my old Saturdays when I used to go to the movies and stroll around but I can't anymore since the pandemic happened and then life had things that made me prefer to stay home during the weekends. But then again I don't have the zest anymore to go out, save money, and not deal with traffic among other things. So it's not the same anymore even if I choose to go out, I will just be facing unnecessary stress. 

Strings

Felt so off today but didn't affect the things I had to do. It really is hard for me when I face something rather unpleasant even if intentions are good. I wish can just shake it off that easy. Anyway, I hope I'll be in  happier mood in the next few days. I want to receive some good news. Anything. 

Whatever

There are so many complications that are baffling. But you know there's no point in raising it because you lose no matter what. Even if you try your best to make things work out, there's always gonna have questions. You get reminded again where you stand in all of this. But times have changed, and you are left with no choice because there are no options for your situation. It sucks so bad but what can you do?

10

 I know I shouldn't be the one to speak but I don't get why some can't adjust to a more convenient situation when you are in the middle that brings more hassle and whining about it too. Oh well, maybe it brings some joy but then I think about how made adjustments for the convenience of others. I wanted to be self serving but I feel guilty. And all I want at this point of my life is peace of mind whenever I can. In the end, I know it is just a small issue but let me air out what I feel so I will be more okay in actuality.

Game Over

 I can't help but feel envious over this that we missed out due to things we can't control. I was so excited and anticipating it but then alas it didn't happen. How I wish this thing was done earlier so we could have it before those things happened. I really feel bad about this because this was the thing that made me really proud. I wish never received a taste of this feeling because it will only be taken away eventually. *sighs*

Wonder

Glad to see something good potentially happening. But I really don't want to get ahead of myself because this is how my life is, I need to manage my expectations just in case it doesn't work out in the end. But really hoping this one would be a go.  The last quarter of the year is coming and this would be a good start.... hopefully!

However, I'm still so sad that we missed out on such an important thing to me previously. I need to move on.

Manage

It was always a tricky thing to do but here I go again with the same flaws yet again. I acknowledge that this is all my fault, I sometimes sabotage myself for this! Oh well, let's make it work tomorrow!

Sticky

 The heat is unbearable again! The holiday season is right around the corner so the weather should be cold and not this! Why is everything so different now, huh? It's surreal sometimes. 

No deal

I was reminded to get off that distraction I've been wasting my time again. I have a lot on my plate and don't have the energy to deal with shallow stress. I should know better but I keep falling into the trap because it does give temporary reprieve from some of the things bothering me. But then when something that is supposed to be just entertainment causes you to be stressed about it, get out of that space, now!

Language

 I read something about people getting frustrated about some Filipino kid/teens today struggling or do not how to speak Filipino (Tagalog). I can't blame kids if they grew up not exposed it to but I think parents should make it a point especially if they are a middle-class family that their kids are multilingual as well just for communicating alone outside their famil and world. Some comments online I read are people speculating that parents or kids looked down on the language. I hope not that's not the case for the most. I get it in this country, we were led to believe being good in English makes you smarter. I admit I was like that too when I was younger that I wanted to be good in English because that would make me sound smart. That was foolish of course. 

EV

I have this feeling again. And it got worse because it got delayed. I mean, I know deep inside I wanted to delay it as well but my rational side knows things aren't going to get better I just have to face it a little later but it's inevitable anyway. I'm so scared of what could happen. It does not help that one thing that made me somehow happy is on the rocks too. Having this draining emotion brewing is hard, but i can't afford to lose control. I found myself in the situation of being the one people depend, I don't like it but I need to do it. Let there be favorable results, dear Lord.

Fly away

 September is about to end and lots of thoughts hanging over my head. A lot of worries per usual. But trying my very best to stay calm and collected. Then there's also one thing that still makes me sad. The loss of something I valued so much. Something that made me feel proud. It lasted for as long as it could. I knew the signs of slowing down were coming but the total end devastated me. Oh well, tough luck.

Fluid

 I got myself into unnecessary stress. Partly my fault because I was not focusing enough yesterday and found myself in trouble now., Partly because this could not be an issue if people knew not to make a big deal out of small things. But it's pointless to dream that something will change and as always I'm the one who will bow down.  I always have to be the person that will make the adjustments.  It's exhausting but there's nothing I can do, unfortunately, but live with this on my shoulder day by day.

Ply

Yeah, it's not meant to be. I was hoping for it until the last minute but alas. I'm getting a little sad because of everything that is not happening. I try to keep my mind busy but it's rather difficult when you feel so anxious about what's ahead. Despite everything that's been going on, I'll still keep hoping something good is on the horizon. I really hope so. 

Mired

 I don't want to break people's illusions but it's tough for me to carry things on my own. It's a heavy burden but over the years I've realized I'm the most capable of taking it all in. I hate to be that, but I see repercussions when I try to avoid being one. Problems get bigger. I don't know what to do so I just let things roll. I avoid thinking about it more because I feel more helpless. 

Feeds

 Feeling a little sad. No, not just a little. It's just one of those moments where you just feel inadequate. While I don't regret the things I prioritized there will always be moments like what I feel where I feel absolutely empty. I cry it out in silence. And it's good to release this so I stay sane and go back to business the next day. It's morbid but I always think of worst scenarios so I can be thankful for what I have. And most of the time it does work. But then something out of the blue will hit you so bad. Like what's happening to me now. But I'll be okay again. For now, I'll just let myself be sad. 

Pickle

Someone asked me a question that somehow annoyed me because the answer was obvious but of course, I had to analyze the situation as well because the person was under some kind of pressure. I can't help but be empathetic too. And good thing that person asked me first and not other people who might not be as nice about it. I sometimes want to be blunt as well because I did notice some things that person do that would place in a not-so-nice picture. I tried giving hints but I don't know, it seems like it doesn't get through. Oh, well, this shouldn't have been a problem if that thing didn't happen earlier this year. *sighs*

Canva

 Nephew asked to borrow my laptop for school. He only has a desktop computer at home. I was a bit hesitant because I only use my laptop at home basically functioning as desktop for me too! But he needs it so I allowed it of course.  I hope he doesn't break it or something but he's 16 and more techie than me so I should learn to relax!

Choice

 One of the dubbing projects we worked on is now streaming and I'm thrilled to finally see it. I even promoted it on an online forum. I know it will get some of the usual "why won't people watch the original version" and while there's a good point there in being immersed totally in the original form of art let's also take into consideration those who are not accustomed to reading subtitles, either they can't concentrate reading while watching or they have issues with their eyesight. The option to watch a dubbed version in the language they are comfortable with can attract people who otherwise won't watch it. So if having a dubbed version helps expand their reach then that is ultimately a good thing.

100

 100 Days to go before Christmas! It's a cliche to say this but yeah it's just not the same when you're older but still hoping for good and jolly days ahead.It's not realistic I guess because there will always be curveballs in life but I gotta keep the faith because living in such gloomy mood is just not the way to live life. 

Agent

 Another unnecessary cause of stress. Never changes. But I need to stay stable nd not making things even more horrible. I'm so sick of it but I have to accept that this is my life. 

Last Minute

 I just focused on something for entertainment today!  I still have something to finish though but I'll just do it tomorrow hopefully I don't mess it up!

Gen11

I'm hooking on the new season of PBB! I miss PEx even more now! Even in the declining years, it was still a good place to discuss the show, the posters could do insightful and funny posts withought taking this too personally. I did post on the PBB subreddit, it's not the same but the next best thing because social media is too chaotic for PBB!

2 More Weeks

 The thing I was worrying about got delayed. Mixed feeling. But now I will take it one day at a time. If not, I will drown in anxiety which will just affect me more and the last thing I need right now is to fall apart. 

Vivir

 I feel restless right now. I can't focus. There are a lot of things worrying me now. I wanted to shake it off but it just keeps on bugging me. It's not good, I need to get that mojo back. I wish I didn't get distracted easily or intentionally distracting myself. I'm fervently praying for good news on all fronts. I know life isn't easy that way but fighting each day is exhausting to maintain. 

Wood Knocking

 I feel so paranoid, anxious, and very scared. I have a bad feeling and I can't shake it off. It's not the first time especially since I've been living in dread for quite some time now. I just try to relish whatever joy I could get. I hope to God that I'm wrong but still preparing myself because I need to be strong when my fear does actually happen. But please, no.

Machine

 I'm sad because one thing I was looking forward is very likely not happenining anymore. I mean, I was already told the chances were slim but I kept on hoping something will change and it will be happen. But time is ticking and nothing is happen. The window for it to become a possibility is closing in. I'm sad. That thing really made me happy. 

Sheep

Glad I was able to finish things ahead of what I was expecting. There's still more but taking a breather now before I go back to doing stuff! I really need to keep my focus on it because when I'm on it, I really get things on fire! OK, hoping for good things ahead!

Occasion

Today's theme is powering through. Still a long way to go but I need to settle this today because I have another thing to do tomorrow! Again, I could have a breathing space if I didn't get too lazy for a couple o days but here we are! Let's do it!

Photographer

Catching up mode now. After doing things well last week, I'm back to my messy self! Well, two days were kind of wasted but it was a bit out of my control. Just a bit because I do need to take accountability for some of my actions that led med here now. Anyway, I can do this!

37

 37 today. Thank you sa lahat ng bumati. My birthday is the same as the last couple of years, good health and safety for me and my loved ones. As I grow older, I still discover many things about myself, and while sometimes I feel like I'm still that twenty-something with so much in mind, I know I'm quite different now and my perspective has changed. One thing is for sure though, I now know what to value and what things are, in the grand scheme of things, inconsequential.

Rays

It's been rainy the past four days and it kinda messed up some of the things I needed to do. And now I have to work around again, so much stuff, in so little time. But I could have prevented it if I hadn't been distracted. But it's fine, I'll make it work. Hoping for good weather tomorrow. And for a ray of sunshine as well. In more ways than one.

All the ways

 I'm getting nervous again for something imminent but just like what I said to a co-worker earlier who shared with me how he is struggling with his personal life, we really have no choice but to hang on and take one day at a time. I don't think I'm the person to give advice to but I just said what I feel is the right thing to say.  It's really hard dealing with things like this but giving up doesn't solve anything anyway, the problems will still be there. I always pray to God to give me strength in all aspects of my life so I can continue to forge on. 

Talker

 One of the things I like watching now is video essays on YouTube mostly on personal experience or analysis of pop culture stuff. I like it when it is well-researched and not just them stating opinions presenting it as fact!  I like it also if they are eloquent and a good sense of humor is nice too! I wish I could be like that but I'm too messy to be that coherent in presenting my thoughts!

Bag

 A relatively okay day and people will find an excuse to stir drama. I'm so sick of it. But I know it's gonna happen over and over again. No matter how hard I try to diffuse the situation, try to prevent it from happening from the start but I just have to accept some people are just like that, they just prefer to  cater to whatever issue they have in the world than maintain peace. I'm trapped.