Describe

 Doing something new at work today and starting it was a challenge but I'm getting the groove of it now and hopefully I'll be able to finish it tomorrow because I have a lot on my plate! 

Low Key

It was a good day in general. A day I didn't stress out much, maybe tomorrow?! Hopefully not!

4k

 This Is my 4000th post here, a bit of a milestone I suppose. But I am glad google had not taken down blogger yet despite not being popular anymore. This is one of the few places left when i started using the internet so glad to still have this.

Jeep

 I don't want to feel resentment anymore because there are still good things to be glad about but life keeps on challenging me. O already made so much adjustments to cater to others and eventually it consumed me whole that I no longer feel comfortable with a lot of things in life. exhausted 😔

Feelings!

 Inside Out 2 is the biggest opening day at the box office in the Philippines this year with 88.8 million pesos (around $1.5M) 3rd biggest opening here EVER after the last 2 Avenger movies!It is quite a shocker since box office this year in my country is down, only one big hit in Godzilla x Kong. I know Inside Out 2 will do well but not 3rd biggest opening day ever big!

Table

 Finally finished something I've been working on for the past few days. I wanted to do other stuff so I can cross off some things on my list but I am not in the mood to do it. Another hectic days ahead but I like it. I like being busy. Especially now I've been stressing about something again.

Big

 On my way to One Ayala Bus Terminal for my bus home, the mall was jampacked because of the BINI fan event there. The mall is new and has a few tenants and it's not really general public appealing so foot traffic is usually slow so this was my first time seeing it jampacked! Quite exciting to see a local act received this level of support these days especially among younger folks, 

Sun

 I'm going to be annoyed over a very shallow thing so I need to get my attention away from it as early as now. For my own good as well but sometimes I can't but get affected over such silly thing so I need to get myself out of the situation where it will just provoke me to do nonsene!

Here

Next week will be one of those weeks that I dread but mainly because of my own self-inflicted fears. I hope and pray everything goes well.  I try to mask my anxiety by distracting with other things but you really can't escape those things, you just have to deal with it. 

Thank Goodness!

 Feels good to do something that met my goal. Hopefully, this streak continues but learning how to balance things as well these days has been improving as well. But of course I still need to persevere and eliminated bad habits that have been such an impediment!

Red

 Things are just not going to be okay. That's why I can't be complacent because there's always something that will come that will make me anxious again. I try not to worry about it too much but I can't help it. I hope this one is just something that's not too serious and that I'm just being a nervous wreck like usual. 

Hybrid

 The final season of Sweet Tooth is now out on Netlflic! Translated 4 episodes of the final season for Filipino dubbing and really enjoyed the show and left me wanting for more! But it did have a good conclusion and really quite mature for a show branded as children. 

Vessel

 I was finally able to close this one that have been quite the struggle for me the last 4 months, mostly my fault because I got lazy at times, I got so messy but no to the point that it became a total disaster. The next set for this one will hopefully not be that soon though because I need a break from it so I can freshen my mind! But always grateful for everything.

Vida

I think I saw something that might be a mistake but hopefully it's not! I hope it's a door to another opportunity for us. I just want to feel more secure really. I am always worried that things could go wrong.  I just don't want to be complacement. 

Rooms

Something I knew was coming was finally confirmed today. Quite a challenge but excited for something new to do. I'm a little bit annoyed because I was trying to help someone out but he didn't seem to be into it or lacks the focus to do so. Oh well, I hope the person realizes what he needs to do here. 

Mines

 New month and hoping for more blessings to come and also less stress in life of course. This week had been quite fruitful and hope to keep the momentum going as I welcome another weeek. Thank you Lord!

Karera

 I've seen videos of graduation songs lately using BINI's Karera. Such a fun song to do on a special day for the graduates. And the meaning is quite apt, especially for college graduates. Life is indeed not a race but it's really hard not to feel like it is so whatever boost you need to hold, do it. 

Pacing

I struggled at first this week but I turned it around and probably had my best output in a long time. Still have some goals to meet but so glad to end the month on a less chaotic note. Next month, let's make it smoother!

Next Again

 Something I dreamed of doing and hoped to start once again didn't pan out. I didn't even try. Oh, well. I hope there is a next time. 

Designs

Good to know some things are clearing up now. Still need to work on some stuff but and I still do give in to some of my worst tendencies but it is improving and I will continue to my best to have a less chaotic flow!

School

 My nephew graduated junior high school. In the old days, he would be entering college the next school year but it's now senior high which I think is fine really because he basically just had 2 years of real high school, as he spent his first 2 years online school due to the pandemic. And I also do think 18 is good to enter college, although I know a lot of Pinoys are bemoaning the fact of another two years, I get the concern but I do think it is a necessary change that will have long-term benefits. Anyway, time flies really because his elementary "graduation" done at home and on Facebook due to covid is still fresh on my mind.  

67th!

 Happy Birthday Nanay! Thank you Lord for always guiding my mother.

12 years ago

 

Mighty Little Man

 Young Sheldon returned in our Netflix Top 10 here (Philippines). Maybe it's finale publicity even if the final season is not out on our Netflix yet but it did receive quite some coverage on local online media. US shows don't really do that well here compared to the dominance of Korean dramas and anime. And if some manage to breakout, it usually is a Netflix original megahit, very rarely do acquisitions do that well in our market, some would appear on the week it was added as House did. YS is also the same but it stayed #1 for a while and was in the top 10 for a few more weeks before it dropped out, so for it to return to the top 10 again is interesting to me.

I also found out my nephew, the same age as Iain Armitrage, had been watching it on Netflix. My nephew doesn't watch US shows really, he's more into anime youtube videos about minecraft/roblox. He actually wasn't aware of Big Bang Theory until I told him and now he plans to watch it after YS . So seems like YS is really catching on.

Racoon

Today felt like quite lazy. Just one of those days. I was still able to do things but not to the best of my potential but it's okay. Not a total loss!

Frog

 I struggled yet again but ultimately made it through. It's kinda crazy really but I'm totally learning as I go along. I hope I'll be able to do better the next few days and not mess up anymore. 

Vibes

 Once again I feel tired that I'm finding ways to boost energy. I just want to avoid unnecessary stress but why do the surroundings keep on poking things. I'm exhausted with it all. I don't want to be ungrateful but I just feel annoyed that I can't get some peace of mind. Yes, it could be worst I know but sometimes even little things can get you if you are tired. 

7

It's nearing the anniversary - weird to call it that - of the big mistake.  In a way, I need to experience that because if I didn't I would probably still on the tunnel and probably could have done worse. But it still sucks remembering that one. And also sad because the root cause of that mistake was something - I couldn't find the right words really.  I really hope to not commit that mistake again.

Receiving End

 I'm tired of being the absorber of every bad feeling of others. I'm not the one to blame others; I try not to panic anymore and to be as patient as possible. But man, it is hard. It never ends. That's why I am what I am now. Not confrontational. Avoiding drama. Avoiding stress. I have enough that will last me a lifetime. 

Sink

Uncomfortable moment again. But I'm just thinking now it could have been worst, so this is just a little better I guess. It happened a lot of times but it always make me feel so uneasy each time. 

Jumps

I haven't seen a movie in a theater in such a long time. It's a mixed of not having the time and also saving up money. But I do hope to catch one movie anytime soon. Just to unwind and get immersed again. I probably need that to recharge! It's pretty clear that my attempt to do productive stuff 90% of the time is not really ideal as I do still get overwhelmed and I act out by procrastinating so you know I just get myself into more mess. I need to find the balance. 

Bazinga

 Watch the last 2 episodes of Young Sheldon, the penultimate was really good and touching. The finale though was nice but felt a little short and had the feels of a season rather than a series finale. Nevertheless, I enjoyed watching for the past 7 years. I'm gonna miss it!

Living

 After two days of being very focused and busy, I let myself be distracted but I snapped my head back at the last minute and did what I should have done today! I still have some things left to arrange and hopefully, I can make it all work. The past 3 months really were such a challenge to me. I struggled, I managed to do things right, I repeated mistakes. I pull myself back again. It's been such a crazy ride and I'm hanging on. 

Snuck

 Tomorrow is another day where I also felt too complacent but I should not be. I need to be prepared for anything, especially the ones that scare me so much. It's been this way for the last few years but the fear never changes. I sometimes tend to forget about it and I freaked out everytime I realized that I did. I'm scared of being too comfy because something unexpected may happen. It's difficult living this way but I live one day at a time. 

Escargot

Another struggle today to finish something but I felt something off today so I'm going to try again tomorrow. This always happens when I did something more consistent then the next is a struggle to start. Hopefull, tomorrow will be alright. 

75 minutes

I was able to finish something today that was not easy but I have another urgent thing which I just found today that it was urgent! I should have made some advances over the weekend but oh well I always find myself in this kind of situation but well this is a good kind of problem to deal with. But I do really want to be less chaotic though and I hope to get that soon. 

Mother's Day

 I am just so grateful to the Lord that Nanay is still with us. Everyday I always pray for her good health. My life totally changed but just seeing Nanay happy with some of the small stuff I give her or gestures, makes me happy. More Mother's Day with her please Lord.

Second

 Sometimes life will remind what you lack. Just when you think you are okay with where you are, there's always that will remind you it isn't enough and you could have been more. 

Window

 I got complacent and lazy again so I wasn't able to fully finish something I needed to do. It's not that bad but my OC tendency sometimes will make me go paranoid now! But oh well it's gonna be OK! I hope!

Dental

 I haven't been to a dentist in a decade. Shameful I know. Why I haven't visited? FEAR. Fear of pain, fear of getting shamed because of my poor teeth and most especially fear of cost But I do need to go to one now, not because I have toothache but I've noted how poor my gums are. I hope I can find a good one that alleviate my fears.

Close But Not

 I almost reached a goal today but I had to set it aside earlier for something that I needed to accomplish because I've been slacking that one off too. Anyway, tomorrow it will be done. But I really keep missing some of the markers I set on my mind., But it will get better soon, I'm getting my groove back. 

Miss

It's been over a year since PEx died. I do wonder if message boards in general will still live through in the years to come. I post in some international forums but I do notice a dip in activity and the general populace is more millenial-heavy! Do young people (GEN Z) like forums though? Most are on Reddit, twitter group DMs or discord these days. But I do like forums better and the love for anonymity in an era where everything is out in the open online,.

Battery

 I'm tired. I just am. But I can't give up no matter what. Inner turmoil. Fighting myself not to snap because this is what I do, defusing situations, or trying not to make things escalate because I just want to live a life with as little stress as possible but my goodness sometimes people around me are not thinking straight. So many annoying things they do but I can't tell that. Just had to be patient but I'm so tired of being the contain everything. I'm just tired and tired and tired. 

Weaving

 I'm so happy to finish way ahead than usual! Let's keep this momentum and I'm on my way to being back on track! It was a big struggle the last 2 months and it really was my fault because I allowed myself to get distracted. It feels so better to be in a chaotic mood again! 

Oath

 Proud of myself today! I met my goal for today although I was a bit stressed in the morning but at least things got smoother toward the day. So another goal for tomorrow and hopefully I will make it again and get back on track! I still to work some stuff out before things will be smoother. Focus,focus, focus!

Just a few more

 I tried and I failed but I'm close to finishing anyway. I want to really finish it tonight but I'm sleepy. So holding this for tomorrow. I hope I can fight the temptation to get myself distraction with such nonsense again. Crossing my fingers. 

PJ

 Lost a good friend today, my former officemate PJ. He left the company many years ago but we still kept in touch online. I knew he had some rough times the past few years but our chats were always light and fun. I'm gutted I will no longer be able to talk to him anymore. He was such a smart and funny guy. May you rest in peace my good friend. I'm gonna miss you so much. 

Scaring Myself

 I am afraid of being dismissive so when I think of being complacent I panic again. So now I'm scared again but I really hope all this fear will not come to fruition. Oh Dear Lord, please guide me and soothe this fear I have. 

5 minutes

 No office tomorrow because the building will have electricity maintenance. It sucks because I'm gonna miss the air conditioning! The heat is unbearable these days. And quite scary to be honest. Anyway, I need to do some stuff that I am sadly unable to finish today due to my failure to fight off my messiness! Story of my life for the past 2 months really! But I still pulled through though but I could do better 

Moment

It is a routine but always scares me, and makes me nervous all the time. So I try to avoid thinking about it so I won't lose my mind. Hoping and praying to God, everything will be fine. 

47

 My parents celebrate their 47th wedding anniversary today! So very grateful to this blessing Lord. I love my parents so much and always pray hard that they will healthy and safe for many more years. Thank you Lord!

Eh

 Well, I chose not to do anything to do senseless stuff but I kinda felt good though but I will stress about this tomorrowq!

Manifesting

Another weekend, another attempt to make things work and be organized. I've survived nearly past 2 months or so with this chaos I created but I really need to find that spot now to make it more manageable. I can do this! I will make it happen!

Index

 Insane heat these days. I feel like this hottest weather I've experienced in my lifetime. And I'm feeling a little off because of it. The electricity bill will be expensive but airconditioning is very much needed.

Net

 I'm getting sad with changes coming. How it is still  not the same as it was two years ago. I am still surviving and even received some good news today but as always hoping for more and this is me talking where I barely balance all of these. But I feel more comfortable if there's more assurance as a paranoid person. I always keep in mind to be not neglect the good news that are coming. 

All

 One thing you have to realize in life sometimes you have to do something that doesn't feel right and yet you know in order to survive you need to play the game. Oh well

Flick

My mind is going to paranoid places yet again. I hope this isn't the start of something more dangerous. Oh dear Lord, please hear my prayer. I'm scared right now.

Fly

 Sad to know about an impending exit but it makes sense given that time passes, there would be hungry for more especially if you still have a lot to offer.  And I know this is for the better as well, you can't be selfish and keep them at bay when they could reach more. It's sad that it's not the same place where you are but you can held them beck especially when they have already given their all and it is time to go some place else.

Some

 Better than last weekend but still not good enough because I still got distracted! But anyway, at least one thing that kept me from being productive I was able to control not falling into the rabbit hole! Hut there are still stuff that needs to be improved on so I can maximize everything!

Checked

One done. More to go. I really I hope I won't get distracted! I can't afford to do so! FOCUS PLEASE. I can't commit the same mistakes of the last 2 weeks!

A Rock and a Hard Place

Another weekend of challenge, I failed the last two weekends to maximize everything and give in to shallow time-wasting nonsense. I was reminded of the benefits, so I need to keep it up. I hope to set everything in motion by doing some things ahead (although not really because I had a leeway that could have put me in a more comfortable place but was wasted). May I be victorious this weekend. 

Piercing

 Excruciating heat! It's so uncomfortable and it's actually worrying how health hazardous it is! This isn't good and I hope this torturous heat ends soon enough!

Vastly

 The commute was quite stressful and I had to do some errands as well with this heat but still glad just to have this as a problem. I prefer this to any other stressful stuff. It's only temporary issue but in the end everything's fine. Also glad to check off bills this month. I never thought I would be the one in charge of all these in our household but grateful though

286

 I dealt with a lot today, some because of my own doing and then some unexpected stressful stuff. And the excruciating heat did not help things. But at least the night is winding on a more peaceful note. Thank God,

Feel Good

I got myself buried in seeing the success of certain people and for one it's not because of insecurity or anything but gave me a sense of happiness to see people who worked hard for long finally get what they've dreamed of. I don't know if I ever get to the point too though because I've been quite a mess to be honest but just fixing myself too. But seeng stories like that gives me temporary happiness. 

Cat

There's a stray cat who has become our unofficial pet now.  My parents used to shoo her away but the cat wore them out and they just let her be now. My nephew gave her a name now too. The cat just comes in here when it's mealtime and sleeps at night. 

Fees

 I was reminded why I have to be more responsible because of certain needs. Not complaining though because this is something I could handle and I'm glad to do something I like so I better make this work so it just keeps on coming!

17

 I though I was a little bit free but when someone picks you, trusts you, appreciates what you do, it's hard to say no. I could do it anyway! And I do like doing for genuinely nice people. 

Crossed Out

 Did great today and hoping the momentum continues! I need this kind of pace so everything works out!

Sort

 Worked on a holiday and it felt really quiet but I was busy doing things that some were done and some still left hanging. I still need a lot of time to work things out though. I hope I can get out this pile that I did do myself though!

Rectify

 Thank God for some unexpected things that helped me breathe a little. I was getting stressed already because of a mess that I started anyway. Hopefully, this time I get to do things better. I've been saying so many times already I know but I keep messing up but have the chance to have some to course correct is such a good opportunity,

Dwelling

 I never learn and now I get stressed because of my own wrong doing. I'm such a knucklehead, I really hope I won't screw up something in the coming week! So frustrated with myself for digging holes that I always fall into

Flat

 I am always worried when something looks fine because something bad might come next. I do know life is unpredictable but I really just want to be it boringly stable now. I really hope so.

Teetering

 Definitely regret not organizing things better because I'm all stressed out now. I knew about it before but I always made it in the end so I got complacent and lazy.  I'm now trying to fix all my mess because it could lead to more dangerous results. Maybe this time I will finally learn my lesson before it goes to a point of no return. 

Bounded

Thinking about the free time last week where I didn't use it to free myself from tue load and now yet again I have to face a lot of things I needed to finish. Oh boy, good luck!!!

Ajar

 I'm getting scared of a possible threat. Things have been fine lately on that front so please Lord let it be this way for as long as possible. I'm begging you, please. It seems like a small thing for now but I'm afraid of being caught off guard. 

58

I can't help but feel annoyed but somehow I know it's wrong to do so because it's not really their fault I knew it was coming anyway and I had to urge to help but now I kinda regret it because I might be caught in a difficult situation. Not really grave but I'm just paranoid. And their some things that I find annoying maybe because I'm extra tense that it could screw up the thing I worked hard for. But I need to be relaxed though and not be irrational about it. Oh, boy why does that thing have to happen, It sucks so much.

May 31

 I can make it happen. At least try and not wonder anymore. But I do hope to get something.  I will work my best to make it happen. Now is the time. Now or never

3am

 I had a dream about a thing I procrastinated on and I woke up at 3AM and I took it as a sign that I needed to make up for lost time so I did that thing I was supposed to start on earlier but got lazy to do it and instead, I wasted my free time on frivolities. Finished it and ready for the week ahead, I really hope I can be productive again!

Scattered

Lent break is almost over now. It's just not the same anymore but not gonna lie I'm okay with it not as boring as it was before but still do make it a point to pray especially for my family where my life has revolved lately. I do lose it sometimes because of stress. But of course whatever is happening I'm okay, that we were able to survive together. 

Sound

 I feel okay today. Generally fine. Although there's something per usual hanging that I chose to delay doing. Laziness strikes again. Hopefully, tomorrow I get into the groove as the song says!

Break

 As a child, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Black Saturday were really borefest.  But this got me into reading actually to not get bored. I read everything I could find sa bahay, old newspapers, magazines, textbooks of my siblings. I read Bata Bata Pano Ka Ginawa because my sister reviewed it for a college class. I even read her Tagalog romance pocketbooks too! There was a year when ABS-CBN showed classic Filipino movies, it was my first to watching Insiang, Himala, Oro Plata Mata among others. Then later on I got hooked on watching the 7th Heaven marathon on Studio 23 which basically got me into US TV shows. Nowadays is just different. 

GB1

Greenbelt 1 is closing for a major renovation (it will be demolished I heard).  So I guess that was a major reason why the NBS branch here closed last year. The last day is on March 31, Easter Sunday. So before I went home today, I dropped by just to see it for the last time in its 'original form'. I've always liked this mall, from my OJT days when it was just walking distance until I started working. I also like watching movies here because of the cheaper ticket price. When this mall reopens years from now, the redesign will probably be good but I will miss the current "old-school" vibe which it will likely lose.

Inquire

 Something from the past made me think again.  I am concerned that their era is ending soon or shifting fully to what is now but I really want to see my presence before it goes away so I have this desire to try to get a spot. I'm thinking of a plan but not sure if I have the guts to do it. Then there goes the insecurity as well so I don't know. But it did lit up a fuse inside of me. I miss that feeling. 

Breads

 I had a mini meltdown when I arrived home because the heat just increased my exhaustion. But I mostly kept it to myself because I didn't want to stir drama. Now, that I've cooled down I'm glad I didn't have a public meltdown or what because mostly everybody here is in a good mood, so why ruin it right?  I feel okay now too. Just tired really. I'll just recharge. 

40 minutes

 The bad thing when you know some stuff is that you get too complacent. Oh boy, this is getting habitual already. I need to find a way to combat those things holding me back from what I need to finish. It's all me though.

Age

So there's this thing online about Gen Z looking older than millennials.  Maybe just a western thing because here in the country, Gen Z in general looks their age and some even younger. But I do see a lot of people in my age (mid to late 30s) that do really look younger. I wish I could say  the same, my baldness made me look older than I should earlier on plus all the stress I've faced in my 30s but all is good though. It's fine, I've long accepted that physical appearance will never be my edge. 

Fifth

 

I have the first four Young Blood compilations then I stopped (maybe because subconsciously I knew back then I would never get published here so I guess I was bitter hahaha!). So years passed and when I decided to get back to reading again, I couldn't find a copy of Young Blood 5 until today at the National Book Store in Glorietta. I just randomly visited NBS today before going home with no plans of buying anything because I haven't finished reading the book I bought recently (Patricia Evangelisa's Some People Need Killing which is a great book but a heavy read) but of course, I can't just pass up not buying this because I thought this could be out of print already like the earlier compilations. This one had a Powerbooks pricetag on it so this was probably stuck in some warehouse for a while. The personal essay compilation is my favorite type of book to read, I just love being immersed in other people's worlds while I relate to and learn from them too.

Inconsistent

My messy handling of this is coming to bite me now. I did bit more than I can chew so here I am. But I also struggled because of my own complacency so now I need to fix it before the thing gets even bigger. I need to get rid of distractions which I use an as excuse to take a break. The distraction did nothing but waste precious time. No more. I need to be more focused before I lose everything I've worked so hard for. There's no room for mistakes again. 

Bits and Pieces

 After going hard yesterday, slowed down a bit today. Hopefully, will be more active so I can get more things done! Still hoping for some more amazing stuff even if my plate is quite full. I just need more, to feel secure and I think I excel better when there's a long list to finish up. 

Is there anyone here?!!

 This thing I'm doing is a bit repetitive and overwhelming but it does draw me in sometimes then there's stuff that makes me question it too. But well, I should not let other thoughts creep in and just be objective. Anyway, I need to finish this so my other thing won't be scrutinized! I already feel that the other thing got screwed up because of some odd behavior although overall it still good in general and deserving but I just don't want things to get messy. 

00:42

I still miss doing my old job as a channel coordinator. Grateful that I'm still very busy with my dubbing-related work but I did the same job for nearly a decade so it's still a strange feeling. Our recent Digital Cable TV upgrade made me miss it more. It was a sense of pride and now it's gone.

Mindles

Some things are just so addictive even if it's not that good for you, you can't help but be drawn on it! Good it's not really that big of a deal but still it's affecting somehow. Maybe if I don't try, I could make it work better.

59

 Failed again. Let's see tomorrow if I could make it work!  I really let myself get distracted oh well! Tomorrow let's make it work!

Notes

 Another challenging weekend ahead, I really hope I can pull this off!  I need to fix some things as well next week so I won't get into trouble. I need to write it down again. So I can be more organized and not be complacement anymore. Wish me luck!

Digital

 We have our cable upgraded to Digital today. Well it was forced because they shut down analog! Oh, well I do love it, especially the HD channels. But I do miss my old cable channel!Oh well!

Catch Up

 Another mixed bag of a day. I need to get my act together, my mind knows that but I can't see to fully do what I intend to do. Why is it so hard to focus?!! I wanted to do something that I used to do that aids my focus but tonight was another reminder why I can do it again but it's for good reason so it's all on me to manage everything better.

MC

 I messed up something. My fault because of my chaotic way of handling things. I knew it would eventually happen because the way I handle those stuff and took in more than I can deal with. But thankfully still on the grander scale of errors but still it serves as a lesson that I need to get my act together.

Back

 I'm back into nostalgia mode and this song takes me back! First heard it on radio on 99.5 RT to be exact and I really liked it. And it's cool to find that this was uploaded on YouTube when it was released in 2007, such a different time on YouTube on those days!

Break

 Another busy work week ahead, may I survive it! That's why I chose to do nothing today to free my mind because next week will be hectic again!