425

 Just 425 reported COVID cases today. It should be a cause for celebration but the threat of the new variant is a cause of concern. Praying hard this won't be a fatal variant and it could be controlled as soon as possible because I really just want this pandemic to finally not be a threat anymore. It's almost 2 years now. Life has changed so much. I'm just scared another stressful horizon is on the horizon. 

A Vibe

 Working (in the office) a day before a holiday always has that relaxing atmosphere. Of course, it isn't the same from the pre-pandemic times but still, it's nice to feel that semblance of that particular feeling again. I was able to accomplish some urgent work and also ran some errands for my family and didn't feel stressed or haggard. I hope December will run smoothly. While I know there will be a level of stress that comes with the season, I just hope there won't be life-altering problems on the horizon. Praying hard for this.

No Deja Vu Please

A lot of countries are bringing back suspending entries from countries due to the virus new variant. It's beginning to feel like another dangerous time is upon us. Everything with this new variant are still under study/observation. I really hope the vaccines are strong enough to prevent fatal cases. No one can take another round of restrictions and lives on hold. Oh please let this be not another nightmate.

Omicron

 So this new COVID19 has an official name OMICRON. I hope you won't be a household name like DELTA. I really hope the current vaccines will keep it at bay. I've accepted that this virus won't really go away but vaccines will keep it from being fatal thus less hospitalizations. Almost 2 years of this lifechanging event and just when you think it's finally coming to an end then boom another plot twist. But I hope it just us being so paranoid but in the end it won't really be the start of another nightmare. 

But...

So COVID19 cases reported today is just over 800 which is the lowest in a long time. The daily cases trend has been so good and I was really beginning to hope for a better 2022 but now the news of a new potentially deadly variant found in South Africa is dampening my mood. Hopefully, this won't be another cause of problem again. It's so tiring

Need to Feel

Christmas season is upon us! There will be caroling this year as allowed by the powers that be! I haven't been inside a mall lately but the decorations are all over from what I see outside. I sincerely hope I can feel more of the jolly holiday spirit and I get out of this sullen mode I've been lately. I'll try to get in the mood, maybe watch Christmas movies? I don't know. I really hope and pray the last month of 2021 will be saved from any worrying situation that will give me so much anxieties. Please Lord give this to me.

Tricky

 I'm in such a weird spot lately. I just feel so confused and messed up. There are so many things bugging my mind that I don't know what to do really. But I carry on each day facing life's uncertainties the best way I can. December is next week. It used to be my favorite month but I now feel so much dread. I'm scared of so many things that I can't enjoy life as it is. I always keep in mind things could be worst and yet I can't stop thinking what awaits could be terrible too. Oh Dear Lord please help find hope and peace.

No Way

  I think ahead and all I see is grim. How do you try not to think of darkness when it is seeping little by little overwhelming your senses. You know a moment of peace won't last, there's always something that's gonna ruin it eventually. You can't fully experience because there's always  a price for it. You want to be mad but you can't feel ungrateful that the worst has not happened yet. You always have to be the bigger person and handle everything as calmly as possible. But you are not made of stone despite trying to be that kind of person. You can't escape because even if you do there's no way you won't feel guilty so what's the point? Just endure as long as you can. Suck every single piece of frustration you have until you feel numb. There's just simply something you can't do. 

Not Happening

 I've been seeing this tweet going around about a breadwinner already traumatized to start a family of his own. I'm no breadwinner but currently carrying a big responsibility to my family that starting my own one is just nowhere near my future. And to be honest, I don't want to. I love the idea of having one though. I dreamed of it. It's just not something possible with my current situation and responsibilities. It does make me sad sometimes that I can't make my own path. 

Around

 I spent a good part of the afternoon watching documentaries on YouTube specifically human interest stories specific to a country. From the so-called leftover women in China, how dating works in modern Iran, water supply struggles in Pakistan, feminist movement and abuse of mentally disabled people in South Korea, rediscovering rural living in Japan, bleaching issues in South Africa to the pest struggles in the farms of Kenya! There's a lot of great professionally done narrative journalism you can find on YouTube these days and my mind is satisfied. 

Step Inside

 So I attended a meeting at my nephew's school and they encouraged for the students to go there too under safety measures of course. While my nephew was too lazy to come first, we convinced him to come because it will be the first time he will see his school since enrolling for his high school phase last year. Since he spent his pre-school and elementary years in a small school here in our subdivision, he was so amazed to be in a bigger school. I saw the excitement in his eyes! While they won't be coming back to face to face classes anytime soon as the principal announced earlier, they encouraged the parents to get the kids vaccinated as soon as possible to make this a reality. I really hope my nephew will have his real school experience next year at the very least!

Crack

 Something happened today which I'm not gonna lie is something I was hoping would happen just to shake those who refuses to see what's totally wrong. But I'm not trying to be hopeful that this could lead to a more meaningful mindset from the general public. I've been burned too many times but maybe this could be a game changer? I hope so. We desperately need  to get out of this darkness.

Defeatist

Negative thoughts are drowning me lately that a way for me to fight them off is to keep myself and preoccupied most of the time. It's really quite unhealthy that I always think of failing, of losing hope and letting the worst-case scenario grapple me. I'm just scared to think positive then ultimately end up losing. I'm so nervous about where everything is going. I need to stop accepting things if I can do something about it to change the fate. Oh God please guide me. 

You Need to Calm Down

 So after my meltdown last night, I have calmed down. Good thing I kept all those negative energy to myself and not let people know or feel what I'm going through because it would just create unnecessary stress. Unwanted tension. I had a good cry last night in bed trying to sleep and I woke up feeling better. I had a little mini meltdown to myself awhile ago too but my sensible side won thank God. I now go back feeling hopeful, very nervous but fighting for courage. I need to. 

Another L in the Forehead

 So I had this wake up call over a matter that has been an issue for years but I looked the other way so I won't get stressed about it and just hoped it would work out eventually. But now I'm facing the consequences of my negligence. I hope I can work this issue out soon enough. I'm a massive disappointment. I guess it's good I basically closed myself off from anyone so I embarrass myself less.  Or is it? I don't know. I'm just clueless.  

Sub

Yeah the expected political moves happened today and it's still worrying me a lot. I'm afraid that people already experience some form of freedom today will just ignore all the awful stuff that happened. The fanaticism on social media is alarming. So antagonistic. I'm scared, very scared.

Block

 Going to the office tomorrow because there's office service so I'll take advantage of that but honesty it's also a way for me to get distracted and avoid the news tomorrow which will definitely just stress me out because of one inevitable stunt coming to fruition. I feel so scared for next year because I do feel they will win. I have so many frustrations but feel so helpless. So I'll just try to escape at every opportunity.

Well, Well. Well?

 I jumped in the All Too Well 10 Minute Version bandwagon! Say what you want about Taylor Swift but she has really this storytelling power! This song is quite affecting in this major extended edition! It's #1 on Spotify Worldwide which is impressive because in the screaming age, the shorter the song, the more the streams it gets so for a 10-minute song to go #1 is mighty impressive!

***

Crazy days at my country. Political moves that are widely expected but still infuriating. I admit I'm scared they will win. But still clinging to hope there it won't be the case 

Still...

Traffic is really back but while there less restrictions. It still doesn't feel close too normal to me. It just is. 

Office began putting up Christmas but it just made me sad. Second year of a Christmas like this. But I will try to beat this sadness I feel and muster up as much enthusiasm as I can. 

Five

 My family received an unexpected blessing today that made my parents so happy! Whenever I see Nanay and Tatay happy, my heart is full as well. I hope this is a good sign of better days because this has been a tough year. While there will always worries, I fight each day to stay positive and hopeful and a good day like this helps me not to lose hope completely.