Move

I'm still hoping for this thing to have some development already. I've been worried about it for so long but I still keep on hoping each week for some news but nada. Hopefully, the news will come this week or at least before the month ends just to secure stuff. The waiting has been really a rollercoaster for me.  I wish I didn't know about this like before but it's better than being oblivious. 

No, Please

 Seeing signs again of a potentially alarming situation. I'm scared again. I hope whatever negative thought I have right now will not happen. I'm just trying to keep it in and not panic. Oh boy

Life

 I'm so stressed because I feel like nobody cares as long as they unburdened themselves and let the shock absorber deal with everything, suffering inside but you can't speak it up because you don't want to make things a lot worse. You have to be a rational adult, you have to understand where they are coming from. Thinking back on the several mistakes I committed a few months ago, I would still continue doing that thing if I didn't get a huge wake-up call. That mistake gave me a temporary escape from my reality but still glad I was able to get that out of my system before more significant problems could set in and that's the last thing I need in my already miserable life. 

Remove

 I'm sick of being on the receiving end of other people stressing out. But I really have no choice but sweep things under the rug and just not make any comment not to aggravate things. I feel so trapped times dealing with so  many burdens I never thought I would actually be carrying at this point of my life. But it is what is is and I just have to deal with the best that I can do

Stare

 There's an international crisis right now that I've been sort of avoiding reading because it's stressing me out thinking of scenarios. I care but I know I am powerless. It sucks and I hope and pray we will never experience that kind of horror in our lifetime.

60

 Here I go again spiraling out instead of being more caring. But I do care of course, I've been doing the heavy lifting the past few years and I have no regrets. But it's just that my fears can really get me at times. I feel sorry after having mini meltdowns in my head. It's just hard really but I can't break down. No, I can't lose it. Dear Lord please give me strength and help me ease my worries

Alarming

 So much vulnerability around me right now. I'm quite scared to be honest. I need to stay strong. I need to stay focused. I must try to keep my spirits up. I need to muster all the energy I can to not crumble to the overwhelming worries clouding my mind. So help me God.

73

 Looks like another hectic weekend ahead but you know a door was opened so why not? I need it really especially with some things lately reminding me how integral it is in my life now. It's stressing me out but I'm trying to shove it down because this isn't the time for me to dwell on it. I have bigger things to work on

Tri

I did a LOT today but at least I'm now down to one major thing I need to finish by Wednesday! My mind was so busy because I had to do some other things to but hey this is good and hopefully there's more to come. 

Ant

 Yes, I made it! I was able to finish what I needed to take care of. Why do I have to do this in such a buzzer-beater kind of way again? I was really focused though and didn't rush things even if I wanted to because I can't bear to give something substandard. Oh well still busy days ahead but I am ready to face it

Ambivalent

 Another struggle. I know what I should do but my mind is putting it off. There's just something in me that's not clicking I guess. Hopefully tomorrow I can do so much better. I HAVE to really.

Woohoo

 Another busy weekend but grateful really! It's a really good thing that I like this current project I'm doing so even if has a tight schedule and quite challenging too creatively speaking, it's so fun! I hope I will be able to pull this off and fight the allure of procastination! 

Molehills

I made the right to just let something that annoyed me deep inside. I was just being sensitive and good thing my rational side prevailed. You really have to understand where people are coming from sometimes. It will likely happen I guess but I will always do my best to handle things well and not make things blow up unnecessarily. 

Flicker

I am currently doing a project that I really love! I hope I can see it when it's out already. But I'm getting ahead of myself because we are just basically starting but with a very rapid turnaround! It's such an interesting concept and got me hooked so doing it doesn't feel much work. I enjoy it probably a little too much that I might forget to do some of the things I need to do in lieu of work! 

Bottle

 I'm not a person that chases drama. I don't need that kind of stress in my life. As long as I can, I stay away from it. But yesterday I had another trigger. My rational side understands everything hence I try to act normal and unbothered. But deep inside I'm so offended. I know nothing good will come out of it if I speak about it, so I'm just trying to let it slide. Controlling what I truly feel is hard and eating me inside. But I have no choice but march on regardless. 

Nah

 Oh here again, I'm the one who's going to adjust. It's as if I'm not actually doing a big help too. Oh well, what else can I do, right? It really annoys me but it is what it is. 

Nokia 106

 Bought tatay a new phone. Still the basic keypad phone. We tried to give him a smartphone 2 years ago but he didn't like it and reverted to using his old phone. That old phone's battery died so finally bought him a new one. Nokia brand still. He's a text and call guy anyway and wants long battery life. Nokia basic phones are still dependable on that regard, one full charge can last almost a week!

Read

 I went off work early yesterday fearing heavy rains but when I was at the One Ayala bus station, I decided to look around what shops are now open and saw Fully Booked and randomly bought a book! 56 by Bob Ong! Prior to this, the last Bob Ong book I bought was Kapitan Sino. I used to collect Bob Ong books along with Pugad Baboy, Kiko Machine, Beerkada Young Blood, and Jessica Zafra. A collection started in High School until the early years of working. I stopped when life got in the way. I was reading 56 inside the bus while stuck in traffic and this is the kind of collection of personal essays that I really love reading. I really need to go back to reading again and not just scrolling aimlessly on my phone during idle times. 

Stare

 Recurring worries are bogging my mind right now. I feel so exhausted to be honest. I don't know what to do anymore. But I always need to carry on and fight every struggle. I guess this is what being an adult really is. I'm so down again. But hopefully, it's just a momentarily feeling. The last time I let this feeling, I went on to do things that I thought would make me happy but did nothing but give me more regrets. Oh  dear heavens help me please

Hey

Another week where there's no progress on some things. It is so sad but you need to hold on to that hope that things you wish for will finally come true. I hope it's pretty soon. I've been panicking already but I really need to chill. So good thing I made myself sure I will be occupied so I won't constantly think about it

Dice

Rolled the dice and pulled in some wins. While there are still things I really wish for longterm security taking things one day at a time is also good for my well-being. Finding things to enjoy lessens up the anxiety that could eat you alive.  I'm still scared of many things but I need to be stronger and to do so is to compartamentalize and it's working at times like today. Hoping for good days ahead

Blowing Air

 Anxiety through the roof yet again. Worrying about multiple things at once. Scared of possible scenarios. Getting sad about the lack of progress. Fearing the worst. Letting those thoughts flow in here is how I cope with it. It's how I process what I feel

Lion

 I have so many rejection stories that I thought I was numb about this stuff already but as it turns out I'm not! Although this rejection is not directly for me still, as part of the group, it hurts me as well! I kinda of wish those days, I didn't know about the process because now that I know too much, I always hold my breath whenever opportunities knock in so now seen many closed doors the past few months. I've been feeling so much disappointment and yeah hurt as well. And the never-ending anxiety as well now fortified with this added stress which I really shouldn't have resorted myself in the first in the first place but what can I do, I care too much

Nano

 Worked on something very hard and complicated and very glad I was able to finish it. But I think I will check it again tomorrow just to make sure I didn't mess up! I don't want to mess up this one in particular! Anyway, hopefully good news ahead! Like I always hope with each start of the week

Forward

 Lying to oneself is something I guess a lot of us do. We know we it is a lie but we try to convince ourselves otherwise. But I guess it's trying to make sense of everything we have or the struggle we are facing. The hope is always to get to a place where you don't to yourself or notice at all

To Come

 I was very busy the past two days and another busy weekend ahead too. But this is kind of busy that I love so much. Hope to be as booked as busy for the last 3 months of 2023! I'm really hoping more things to come really, we need it! But I am patient but also anxious but so far we are always kept afloat, so that's good! 

Exist

Oh yeah, a tight schedule ahead but not gonna lie I'm living for the moment! It helps that I have a genuine interest over this matter so it shouldn't be such a pain to do it. Hopefully, everything will be smooth sailing but I do need to finish something firts before I fully dive in there

Body

 Some good news although it's gonna be a challenging one to pull off but still than just waiting and waiting. This is a door that opened that hopefully will lead to more. So tomorrow I'll focus on finishing some stuff so I can free my mind to make this one really pop.

137

Fear came knocking again. At least I handled things better now. It was a reminder that it will never go away so I just have to do my best to handle it and lessen the fear they feel and contain the fea I have as well. Lord, please always guide me and them. Help me not break apart. 

900

I wish I didn't know too much. Now I'm worried sick of things not working out. But I need to know because a lot things are on the line. Too much pressure I guess. But I can't imagine the pressure they are receiving too. One of those days where I feel so down. 

Don't Jinx It

A new week is upon us and really hoping for good news to come like I've been the past few weeks or so. Maybe this is the week where the things I'm hoping will finally come true

Chill

 Good thing I don't have anything urgent so I just did nothing outside some few household chores. It's a good time to defreeze as well. But hopefully, it won't be for long and my weekends will be busy for productivity purposes again!

Flow

Reaping what I sow, especially something I worked very hard on is a nice feeling but after my worries are back again that it could end pretty soon. There are leads this week but I hope they will materialize, all of it, because I just want to feel more secure. I kinda miss the time I wasn't too involved with this but then again that was a mediocre time unlike this time where it is more fruitful but nerve-wracking!

Fingers Crossed

 I'm really hoping for best results and more to come as well! Badly need it! But also it's an interesting subject that I want to know more about! Oh dear heavens please give it to us!

Quick

 Things are getting released quite fast and I'm a bit overwhelmed and also a little paranoid that it will run out quick! But I do still have things at hand so all good. I hope more good news will arrive as soon as possible!

Physics

 Worked on something that could to lead to a door that I really want to open for us. I needed to be extra resourceful so I hope it works out! It is badly needed because it's getting worrisome already

Breathe In

 So happy I was able to accomplish two things I needed to do in a short time which admittedly was my own doing due to procrastination! I normally was able to estimate things better but I got complacent this time. Hopefully, nothing negative ensues as while I was cramped with time, I still made sure it won't be a crap job!

Few more

 Now paying for my procrastination! But still doing my best and not slacking off! I won't give a messy one and still deliver a quality output! I hope I can battle my procrastination next time! I've been too complacent lately 

Back

 I've been watching G-Mik on YouTube now.  It's a time capsule that takes me back to a simpler time. I hate falling into that nostalgia trip yet again, but I can't help it! As I grow older, I just feel more sentimental! 

Potential

 So some good lead hopefully to a new opportunity. But I've seen quite a number lately that don't go anywhere which really bums me. Hopefully, this one will really open the door. I really hope so because it is quite needed already. Crossing my fingers it works out. Please Lord!

Fired Up

 Finished two important things today and I have two that I need to get done in 3 days! I can do this. I'm glad this is what my mind is busy with and not resentment and frustrations. I also really some good news I've been hoping, waiting for will finally arrive in the coming days if not tomorrow because I've been anxiously waiting each day but for now I deal with the immediate matters on hand

Packed

 Did a lot of things today and hopefully tomorrow I can my goal. Wasting my weekend away doing nothing is kinda costing me now but well I did need a break as well, right? Hopefully, all the things I need to finish will be done and over with. I always like being this busy though. It helps me focus my mind on worthwhile rather than drowning in anxiety!

36

 I turn 36 today and I'm truly grateful for all the blessings I received and surviving the many challenges in life as I grow older. Thank you Lord for keeping my family safe. My birthday is for my family to stay healthy and safe and for the company I work to have consistent and more projects!

Cake

 It's not a good day. It was a waste. Now hopefully tomorrow will be better. It should be. I hope I won't get distracted with nonsense anymore.  Today was a mixed bag of annoyance from other sources and my own chaotic mind. 

Nothing

I have a stack week ahead. I could have had a headstart today but I chose not to because there's still enough time. I slacked off a little I guess but I do think I need a break so I can be fully charged to do things for the week ahead. Hopefully it all goes all well.

Ref

Another realization because of that fatal mistake I made is how I could have gotten something else if all the resources I used for that mistake were given to that other thing instead. The thing is when I was in those moments, all I wanted was to be selfish because I thought it would give me happiness after all the stressful things I've been dealing with. What's worst is I kept repeating those mistakes in quest to get the goal I wanted and in the end it took a big blow for me to finally realize the mistake I've done. Somehow, I'm still grateful I wasn't at the deepest end yet before I came to my senses. The past few weeks, I was testing myself if I would give in to it again and thankfully there were no close calls despite some floating thoughts about it once in a while but the feeling of regret overpowered me.  I truly hope I can be free of this feeling again but I know I need to learn the hard way. 

Course Correct

 So I made a call today that is disadvantageous to me but I need to do it so I will be out of the limelight. And also help people out. I have to admit I've been somewhat selfish in protecting my interests. But after the big mistake I committed a few weeks ago, I felt like it was a result of me rationalizing how I was selfless so I needed to indulge myself. But I made the wrong choice. So here I am, doing things not just to help myself but others as well. The big picture so to speak. It's quite a task given the fragility of it all but I do really think this is for the best. 

XL

 YouTube algorithm knows me so well. Suggesting this GMik episode set in Festival Mall, Alabang! This was set in 2000, also the time na madalas kami dito so this was such a time capsule nostalgia trip. I especially loved seeing Odyssey XL record bar! One of the shops na favorite ko puntahan everytime we are and I could spend hours just looking around. That shop closed early this year after more than two decades.  

Mas malaki na Festival Mall ngayon but the last time I went there, the main mall's structure still basically the same and you know sometimes when you go through so much changes in life, a sense of familiarity somewhere gives a nice feeling even if momentarily.

More

 Third straight night of getting things done so hopefully this good streak continues. Also, can it please manifest to attracting that thing I want to have already. Not a day goes by that I go paranoid with my anxiety of not having those things yet on lock. Always included in my prayers and I really hope good news will come soon

Quotes

My worrying continues even if there are like good things in front of me because I worry about what could be next? I wish I could stop thinking this way, always in constant fear of impending doom.  I'm getting anxious about the lack of development on one important area then of course the other fear that one call I made was a bad one because I was trying to avoid something that could bring so much distress. My head is a mess

Bit

Today is a holiday but I normally go to the office for single-day holidays but the dubbing scheduled for today was moved to Thursday so the office won't be open. Bummer because I do like working on a holiday with the relaxing commute and general peaceful office ambiance with fewer people around so I could focus more. And of course, the holiday fee is added to the salary too. But I did get to sleep until 9AM, five hours later than usual during a workday. Anyway, can't wait to get back to work and hoping for some good news like I always do each week. 

Threat

I'm so anxious again over so many things. Lingering fears. new fears. Paranoia. I'm just scared of possible outcomes. But I need to show strength and spread positive vibes despite my fears deep inside. Oh Dear Lord, please don't let my fears happen. I'm so scared.

Bummer

I wanted an escape but the door closed. So here I am again with no choice but to endure stressful things that should not be giving me stress in the first place but I have no choice yet again. I always have to be in the middle of things to prevent things from escalating further. I am so sick and tired of this cycle. But once again I try to think of terrible situations I could be in to put me into perspective or to be real just be okay with whatever I have to deal with. 

Off

 I can't help but be bothered although it has been clarified that there's nothing to be worried about. But why is the reflex to castigate because you did so much better that they've been overshadowed? I know I'm overthinking it but I can't help but feel so bad. This was the last thing I needed. But maybe this is another punishment because of my consistent mistakes these past few months. Because I gave in to my shallow wants. I know there is a valuable lesson out there but now let me wallow through the pain of being disregarded. I know it was not the intention but it has already affected me so much now. I'll get over it because in the end I did nothing wrong but I'm just going to be cautious now. Put that wall back again. Well, I've always had walls but I left some space but maybe it was a mistake. I was so protective to not make a mistake, not to stir the boat but who knew doing so well will still cause you harm? Where will I place myself?

Exhale

 Oh well, the one thing I was trying to avoid could be happening now. I saw it coming to be honest with the thin slate that happened. I guess it's another blow to me again. A reminder of how vulnerable things are and how I got too complacent. Now it could be over soon. 

Retrace

While still far from what I want, I'm still glad I have things lined up already. But I want more really. I hope there will be a lot soon. I did my best to jumpstart something that hopefully I can finish tomorrow or if not Friday morning. I focused a lot of my energy here to make up for some of the mistakes I made the past few weeks. I need to set the mood for the better and hopefully attract more positive vibes in the process

20

 Some good news and yet I still feel stressed over little things because it might not be a little thing after all and could be a big deal in the long run. I just have to accept I will always worry no matter what but I can take any win I can get than the worst case scenario happening or thinking about the worst case scenario all the time especially when some good news is there, cherish it, hold on to it.

Long

 One of my fears happened and I had a feeling it was coming. This is my fault of course because I didn't give it proper time to smoothen it. I don't want to be a cause of delay and hassle but what's done is done. I hope it will still run smoothly despite my mistake. It was not a good week and it's all because of me. I can't blame anyone really, sure I can make excuses because of circumstances blah blah but the point of the matters I made poor choices hence poor results. 

Huh

  I was working on a dubbing script and I don't know why it felt like some of the lines were attacking me hahaha! What a coincidence it is that some of the lines are so applicable to the stuff I went through this week. The wounds haven't healed completely but I totally accept my culpability. I know this is a learning experience that will be a lifelong lesson and I do already feel the effects it had on me. And I hope I fall into the same trap of my own wrongdoing again

Waiting

Because of my epic fail this week, the thing I'm usually worried about took the backseat but now that it's nearing once again, my feeling of fear for that particular thing has returned. Hoping and praying for the best because yes I'm quite emotionally exhausted right now although I'm trying to make things better by not dwelling on it. But this thing will always be a recurring fear. Oh Dear Lord please don't let my fears happen.

Get up

 From time to time, that mistake still frustrates me but I shove it aside because there's nothing I can do to change the past. All I can do is FINALLY learn from the mistake and be firm with this change I want to see in myself. I really needed to learn the hard way or else I was bound to repeat it because I'm getting use to the repercussions and now that I've face the worst humanity can bring, madadala na talaga ako

Get It

 My recent mistake definitely taught me a lesson. But I will try to take this mistake as a driver to push myself to do better and make up for the mistake and come out triumphant. I hope one day that I will look back on this event as the pivotal moment of my life where I made a major change to improve my life. I am determined to turn things around.

Dasurv

 Learned a valuable lesson that will finally put an end to a crazy thing. God does really know how to send the message when you have been so stubborn. It hurts but it finally needed to happened so I can have this wake up call. This cycle will stop. I will be wiser. I will not ignore the signs anymore. Will not let the demons get the best of me again

UD

 Today I learned DLSU-Dasmarinas is now called UD by the new generation! The school's official facebook page used it and it's causing quite a stir among us old people haha. Truth be told, I find it so odd but well I don't want to judge what the young people do these days. And in the end it's really  not a big deal.

Five?

 I don't know why or maybe I know I just don't want to deal with the truth of my vulnerability. It all boils down to the deep sadness and frustration I have that's affecting the way I view things. I'm quite miserable, oh well :(

Reeling

My recklessness is still giving me a lesson. In a way, I feel that life is unfair that the one time (okay 4 times) I pursued what I want, I get to pay the consequences. But of course, my rational side took over and said "You had it coming".  It really is my fault that I'm in this dilemma right now.  But I hope this really stops right here and there will be no further struggles again because this is already eating me alive. This challenge I can still cope with and I do know the way to make it better in the long run. I'm still anxious over things but I'm trying to hold on to that hope that it will be fine, right? Oh please Lord let it be fine, 

Predictable

 I didn't do what I was supposed to do today, so another Saturday where there's no progress! Maybe because it's not immediate and I know I have a buffer so yeah but still I wish I made progress today. But Id do know taking a break is needed as well and not be on the go all the time. 

Vicks

 I try not to overthink something so small and yet I can't help but feel worried again. I hope nothing bad will happen. It's always this time of the year when something off happens but please hopefully not this time. Dear Lord, please hear my prayer

Ahead

 I was able to finish some things earlier than usual. Hopefully, this will give me time and energy to focus better for a big thing I need to finish as soon as possible. I need to finish it so I can also do other stuff as well. But despite already having something to look forward to, I still feel frustrated over the lack of updates on some certain things. It comes in trickles when I want it to pour!

Believe

 So a new exciting thing came along and I grabbed the opportunity at once. I really need to make up for everything I've lost so I will do my best to accomplish my goal this time. It will be quite challenging because of a limited time set but I'm so ready. And I actually want more too to come soon. And can it come fast?

Let it Rip

 So now I just confronted the consequence of my recklessness and it is freeing. Yes, I'm facing quite a big challenge but at least I no longer delaying the inevitable. No longer in denial of my mistake. I swear to bounce back from this setback. In the grand scheme of things, it is just a minor hiccup but the way I am, I'm just too hard on myself. But it's all for the better so I won't do this recklessness again. 

Oh Dear Lord please guide me as I pick myself up from this self-induced setback. 

4x

 So yeah I now regret I did that thing four times so I'm now in this tricky situation. Well, it's actually workable and all but I wish had the buffer which I wasted because of that risk I made. Yeah, I learned some things in the end but ultimately I am suffering from the consequences. I need to do my very best and get back what I've wasted. I can do it

Noise

 Another day, another chaotic moment for no good reason. Because people can't control what they think, what they feel. I've had those moments of puro annoyance too but I don't stir drama and just keep it to myself because what good does it that than add unnecessary stress. Tired over and over and over again.

Course

The last batch of my course Broadcast Journalism will graduate this month. The program has now been redeveloped into Digital and Multimedia Journalism next school year. I feel a little sad about it but times have changed and I applaud DLSU-D's foresight and willingness to adapt. 

There are some choices in life that I have regrets but not the course I chose! Broadcast Journalism was actually my second choice with Accounting as my first choice because I was kinda good in high school accounting but during the enrollment when I was asked which course I will take, the heart spoke 💕 

Being a grade-conscious studious student from elementary to high school, college was so refreshing and the highlight of my school life. I still cared about grades but my life didn't revolve around it anymore because being a BroadJourn student expanded the way I view life and learning. 

Bravo Broad Journ! We had a great run, thanks a lot to sir Artin Umali the heart and soul of the program. 

All the best to AB Digital and Multimedia Journalism, I'm sure it will be as great as BroadJourn and I'm excited for the upcoming pioneer batch.

More waiting

 Still nothing and I'm getting alarmed. I'm just anxious as always but hopefully next week there will be news I am waiting for. Also this month there is something I'm trying not to think because it scares me yet again. It's been a routine for the past few years but I'm always scared about it. It's part of the fiber of my being now. That's why I need to have things to distract me, good distraction not the other distraction that made me lose my mind which I somehow regret although it is something I needed to experience - losses and all. Yeah, another messy rambling but this is how my mind has been lately

Still Waiting

 As I wrapped another today, I have another on deck but after that nothing yet. It is really worrying me that this dry spell continues. I really hope we get some good news soon because this is really making me anxious!

Cool

 There's a very cool thing that I need to confirm before bragging about it. I need confirmation so I'll have permission to be proud of it. I do hope credit is given so it could be a good booster for us hopefully. I'm still worried that there are not enough follow-ups to fill in the spaces and I really hope they will arrive soon enough

Circling Back

I am scared of a lot of things right now. I try not to think about it so it won't manifest but my mind just keeps thinking about worse-case scenarios for these two things on my mind always. Now, I'm trying to distract myself again about a thing I'm trying to avoid but it's proven to be a struggle

Dry

 And it continues and it is getting me worried. Hopefully, something, anything, happens this week. There must be something coming that will feed this tank that is approaching an alarming scenario. 

Burst

 I'm exhausted from dealing with mood swings. I have to set aside my OWN mood swings because who would if everyone else is having a moment? We can't all survive if everybody is in a foul mood. So as always, I set aside everything to make them at ease.  I do it for my own good too. I'm too exhausted with everything that I don't really go out and explore the world outside my own bubble. It is better for me this way, I never to get enjoy being outside anyway because there's always something to worry about inside. I just place myself in my own bubble within this bubble to carry on. This is a part of my bubble too. It is technically outside but I doubt anyone sees this anyway. Sometimes I wonder if one day google gives on blogger and everything I had here will be erased. Like in Friendster. Like in Multiply. Like in PEx. Will I bother saving everything I had here or like those other sites, I just let it fade away. I just do a post here because it is talking to myself where I can visibly see my thoughts. I ramble and it's fine because it lifts a side of all the burdens I carry before it gets filled again. 

AI

 The rise of Artificial Intelligence really worries me. It's likey gonna wipe out a lot of jobs in the future. Some say you can't stop the future and just embrace it. Easy to say for people with nothing really on the line. Just read this article that YouTube is launching their AI-powered automatic dubbing for content creators. While we never had a client for dubbing under social media, still I'm afraid AI-powered localization will hurt our company eventually. Hopefully not and that the value of having actual humans doing translations and adaptation will still have edge. 

Quotes

Glad to met my goal today and also received another thing to do. But I want more really. I've been really anxious with the near-dry spell. There are leads but nothing confirmed yet. I hope things will pour in soon!

(grunts)

 So close yet so far. I wanted to push myself more but I'm so exhausted already. I don't want to abuse myself or else there could be serious consequences which I definitely don't want to deal with right now. I'll finish this tomoorrow with a refreshed mind. 

Intricate

 So good progress for today but I could do so much more, hopefully, tomorrow I'll maximize what I can do. I used to do this faster but I'm slower now because I don't want to mess it up so the quality won't suffer. After this, I still have two in queue but I'm getting worried already with no new stuff coming in lately. Hopefully, good news will come in soon. 

Wanted

 So some challenging few days ahead as I need to beat two important deadlines but this is the kind of rush I really want though. It keeps my mind so busy not to think about fears, anxieties, and other recent stuff that I was starting to get addicted to despite my brain telling me it was not a good thing. Hopefully, more things to come to be productive continuously and not get worked up on things dragging my spirit down. 

Beat

 I got irritated today because I felt like I'm on a losing end when I just want to help. It's hard to be honest about it as well so I just tried to be as polite as possible in expressing my concern about something. Oh, well. I really need to assess this situation, afraid of offending people but also tired of being in the middle of this again.

25 Minutes

So near yet so far. I could have touched the finish line earlier but I don't know why I made my own obstacles! I really need more push to get this to the finish line! Let's get to it!

Barbenheimer

 I definitely want to see both Barbie and Oppenheimer but I just need to find the time to do it! Pre-Covid days, I would dedicate one Saturday watching movies but it's not something I could do anymore. I have family errands on weekend mornings, afternoon naps, and dubbing scripts at night. Plus weekend traffic is not something I like to deal with anymore. I do miss those carefree days but it's not just the same anymore. I do hope to find the time sometime next week

Grapes

I had a bit of a struggle finishing this task. I haven't made much progress but hopefully this weekend I can finally finish it. I really need to do my best here because I always aim to do my best and not get complaints from poor work. 

Tank

  Blessings are pouring but I'm worried about the future. We need more to settle things down. The load is still good but I want an overflow again so there will be more security. 

Reviewed

 So just finished something that annoyed me a little but you have to be patient I guess. But I need to also protect myself from being abused. So I need to be more firm and strict I guess so I won't have to suffer in the end because I didn't made things clear. 

Resist

 So I'm fighting to do the same reckless decision I made the past month. It's a heart vs mind thing but hopefully not jinxing it, my mind is winning this time. I keep reminding myself of the aftermath of my decision so I keep myself in check. I don't have the excess to make that mistake again. 

Attention

Glad to finish the task I was working on over the weekend today. And now I'm off to work on another one and hopefully, I can finish as early as possible because I have another one in line too! But I really hope that there's more to come as well!

Close but not..

 So I'm close to finishing the task that I wasn't able to do yesterday. I do feel a little regretful because if I made some progress yesterday I would be finished by now already. I plan to finish this tomorrow before lunch though because I already feel sleepy. Good thing it was a fun thing to do so all is well

Maybe tomorrow

 I planned to do something productive and I ended up sleeping in the afternoon! Well, it's not super immediate task but I wanted to do it early but oh well, when your body called you to rest, you will follow!

On-Off

 The past month had been interesting. I keep going back and forth to this. it's a want vs need thing. I try to balance things out really but not sure where I stand now. But anyway, I will go back focusing on things I need to do. Hoping for more projects to come to keep myself busy even more

Lonely

I am lonely. No matter how I try to not think feeling this way I just can't. I keep on reminding myself that things could be so much worst but there just comes a point that you feel exhausted trying to remind yourself of that. I wish for better things. I wish for peace of mind. But it's not happening, it goes on and on. I don't want to whine because, at the end of the day, I do this because I want to and because of unconditional love. But it's just hard at times.  I wish I didn't feel this way. But there's no shortcut. There will be more days of the same feeling. 

Bandaid

 The past 3 weeks or so I tried to escape thinking about the recurrent worries I have but let's face it I was just fooling myself. Endless worries. I keep going back and forth but I still end up in the same place.  It's frustrating but it could be so much worst. I always try to take things into perspective. Maybe I will keep doing this escape but up to what point? I am now confronted with the same dilemmas. Maybe I just forget about giving myself a temporary exit from the stressful things I endure. 

112

 A little disappointing today. A plan I had didn't pan out but well you gotta think of the lesser hassle and the bigger picture. It is also a situation that is caught in between a transition, So yeah need to do what's better for the future. 

Freaked Out

 So I was doing something I thought I wanted but then the real me kicked in. Yeah, no matter how I try to change myself, I can't really fight my natural instinct with such things. It's gonna hurt me in the long run but I don't know maybe this is where I was really meant to be.