Potential

 So some good lead hopefully to a new opportunity. But I've seen quite a number lately that don't go anywhere which really bums me. Hopefully, this one will really open the door. I really hope so because it is quite needed already. Crossing my fingers it works out. Please Lord!

Fired Up

 Finished two important things today and I have two that I need to get done in 3 days! I can do this. I'm glad this is what my mind is busy with and not resentment and frustrations. I also really some good news I've been hoping, waiting for will finally arrive in the coming days if not tomorrow because I've been anxiously waiting each day but for now I deal with the immediate matters on hand

Packed

 Did a lot of things today and hopefully tomorrow I can my goal. Wasting my weekend away doing nothing is kinda costing me now but well I did need a break as well, right? Hopefully, all the things I need to finish will be done and over with. I always like being this busy though. It helps me focus my mind on worthwhile rather than drowning in anxiety!

36

 I turn 36 today and I'm truly grateful for all the blessings I received and surviving the many challenges in life as I grow older. Thank you Lord for keeping my family safe. My birthday is for my family to stay healthy and safe and for the company I work to have consistent and more projects!

Cake

 It's not a good day. It was a waste. Now hopefully tomorrow will be better. It should be. I hope I won't get distracted with nonsense anymore.  Today was a mixed bag of annoyance from other sources and my own chaotic mind. 

Nothing

I have a stack week ahead. I could have had a headstart today but I chose not to because there's still enough time. I slacked off a little I guess but I do think I need a break so I can be fully charged to do things for the week ahead. Hopefully it all goes all well.

Ref

Another realization because of that fatal mistake I made is how I could have gotten something else if all the resources I used for that mistake were given to that other thing instead. The thing is when I was in those moments, all I wanted was to be selfish because I thought it would give me happiness after all the stressful things I've been dealing with. What's worst is I kept repeating those mistakes in quest to get the goal I wanted and in the end it took a big blow for me to finally realize the mistake I've done. Somehow, I'm still grateful I wasn't at the deepest end yet before I came to my senses. The past few weeks, I was testing myself if I would give in to it again and thankfully there were no close calls despite some floating thoughts about it once in a while but the feeling of regret overpowered me.  I truly hope I can be free of this feeling again but I know I need to learn the hard way. 

Course Correct

 So I made a call today that is disadvantageous to me but I need to do it so I will be out of the limelight. And also help people out. I have to admit I've been somewhat selfish in protecting my interests. But after the big mistake I committed a few weeks ago, I felt like it was a result of me rationalizing how I was selfless so I needed to indulge myself. But I made the wrong choice. So here I am, doing things not just to help myself but others as well. The big picture so to speak. It's quite a task given the fragility of it all but I do really think this is for the best. 

XL

 YouTube algorithm knows me so well. Suggesting this GMik episode set in Festival Mall, Alabang! This was set in 2000, also the time na madalas kami dito so this was such a time capsule nostalgia trip. I especially loved seeing Odyssey XL record bar! One of the shops na favorite ko puntahan everytime we are and I could spend hours just looking around. That shop closed early this year after more than two decades.  

Mas malaki na Festival Mall ngayon but the last time I went there, the main mall's structure still basically the same and you know sometimes when you go through so much changes in life, a sense of familiarity somewhere gives a nice feeling even if momentarily.

More

 Third straight night of getting things done so hopefully this good streak continues. Also, can it please manifest to attracting that thing I want to have already. Not a day goes by that I go paranoid with my anxiety of not having those things yet on lock. Always included in my prayers and I really hope good news will come soon

Quotes

My worrying continues even if there are like good things in front of me because I worry about what could be next? I wish I could stop thinking this way, always in constant fear of impending doom.  I'm getting anxious about the lack of development on one important area then of course the other fear that one call I made was a bad one because I was trying to avoid something that could bring so much distress. My head is a mess

Bit

Today is a holiday but I normally go to the office for single-day holidays but the dubbing scheduled for today was moved to Thursday so the office won't be open. Bummer because I do like working on a holiday with the relaxing commute and general peaceful office ambiance with fewer people around so I could focus more. And of course, the holiday fee is added to the salary too. But I did get to sleep until 9AM, five hours later than usual during a workday. Anyway, can't wait to get back to work and hoping for some good news like I always do each week. 

Threat

I'm so anxious again over so many things. Lingering fears. new fears. Paranoia. I'm just scared of possible outcomes. But I need to show strength and spread positive vibes despite my fears deep inside. Oh Dear Lord, please don't let my fears happen. I'm so scared.

Bummer

I wanted an escape but the door closed. So here I am again with no choice but to endure stressful things that should not be giving me stress in the first place but I have no choice yet again. I always have to be in the middle of things to prevent things from escalating further. I am so sick and tired of this cycle. But once again I try to think of terrible situations I could be in to put me into perspective or to be real just be okay with whatever I have to deal with. 

Off

 I can't help but be bothered although it has been clarified that there's nothing to be worried about. But why is the reflex to castigate because you did so much better that they've been overshadowed? I know I'm overthinking it but I can't help but feel so bad. This was the last thing I needed. But maybe this is another punishment because of my consistent mistakes these past few months. Because I gave in to my shallow wants. I know there is a valuable lesson out there but now let me wallow through the pain of being disregarded. I know it was not the intention but it has already affected me so much now. I'll get over it because in the end I did nothing wrong but I'm just going to be cautious now. Put that wall back again. Well, I've always had walls but I left some space but maybe it was a mistake. I was so protective to not make a mistake, not to stir the boat but who knew doing so well will still cause you harm? Where will I place myself?

Exhale

 Oh well, the one thing I was trying to avoid could be happening now. I saw it coming to be honest with the thin slate that happened. I guess it's another blow to me again. A reminder of how vulnerable things are and how I got too complacent. Now it could be over soon. 

Retrace

While still far from what I want, I'm still glad I have things lined up already. But I want more really. I hope there will be a lot soon. I did my best to jumpstart something that hopefully I can finish tomorrow or if not Friday morning. I focused a lot of my energy here to make up for some of the mistakes I made the past few weeks. I need to set the mood for the better and hopefully attract more positive vibes in the process

20

 Some good news and yet I still feel stressed over little things because it might not be a little thing after all and could be a big deal in the long run. I just have to accept I will always worry no matter what but I can take any win I can get than the worst case scenario happening or thinking about the worst case scenario all the time especially when some good news is there, cherish it, hold on to it.

Long

 One of my fears happened and I had a feeling it was coming. This is my fault of course because I didn't give it proper time to smoothen it. I don't want to be a cause of delay and hassle but what's done is done. I hope it will still run smoothly despite my mistake. It was not a good week and it's all because of me. I can't blame anyone really, sure I can make excuses because of circumstances blah blah but the point of the matters I made poor choices hence poor results. 

Huh

  I was working on a dubbing script and I don't know why it felt like some of the lines were attacking me hahaha! What a coincidence it is that some of the lines are so applicable to the stuff I went through this week. The wounds haven't healed completely but I totally accept my culpability. I know this is a learning experience that will be a lifelong lesson and I do already feel the effects it had on me. And I hope I fall into the same trap of my own wrongdoing again

Waiting

Because of my epic fail this week, the thing I'm usually worried about took the backseat but now that it's nearing once again, my feeling of fear for that particular thing has returned. Hoping and praying for the best because yes I'm quite emotionally exhausted right now although I'm trying to make things better by not dwelling on it. But this thing will always be a recurring fear. Oh Dear Lord please don't let my fears happen.

Get up

 From time to time, that mistake still frustrates me but I shove it aside because there's nothing I can do to change the past. All I can do is FINALLY learn from the mistake and be firm with this change I want to see in myself. I really needed to learn the hard way or else I was bound to repeat it because I'm getting use to the repercussions and now that I've face the worst humanity can bring, madadala na talaga ako

Get It

 My recent mistake definitely taught me a lesson. But I will try to take this mistake as a driver to push myself to do better and make up for the mistake and come out triumphant. I hope one day that I will look back on this event as the pivotal moment of my life where I made a major change to improve my life. I am determined to turn things around.

Dasurv

 Learned a valuable lesson that will finally put an end to a crazy thing. God does really know how to send the message when you have been so stubborn. It hurts but it finally needed to happened so I can have this wake up call. This cycle will stop. I will be wiser. I will not ignore the signs anymore. Will not let the demons get the best of me again

UD

 Today I learned DLSU-Dasmarinas is now called UD by the new generation! The school's official facebook page used it and it's causing quite a stir among us old people haha. Truth be told, I find it so odd but well I don't want to judge what the young people do these days. And in the end it's really  not a big deal.

Five?

 I don't know why or maybe I know I just don't want to deal with the truth of my vulnerability. It all boils down to the deep sadness and frustration I have that's affecting the way I view things. I'm quite miserable, oh well :(

Reeling

My recklessness is still giving me a lesson. In a way, I feel that life is unfair that the one time (okay 4 times) I pursued what I want, I get to pay the consequences. But of course, my rational side took over and said "You had it coming".  It really is my fault that I'm in this dilemma right now.  But I hope this really stops right here and there will be no further struggles again because this is already eating me alive. This challenge I can still cope with and I do know the way to make it better in the long run. I'm still anxious over things but I'm trying to hold on to that hope that it will be fine, right? Oh please Lord let it be fine, 

Predictable

 I didn't do what I was supposed to do today, so another Saturday where there's no progress! Maybe because it's not immediate and I know I have a buffer so yeah but still I wish I made progress today. But Id do know taking a break is needed as well and not be on the go all the time. 

Vicks

 I try not to overthink something so small and yet I can't help but feel worried again. I hope nothing bad will happen. It's always this time of the year when something off happens but please hopefully not this time. Dear Lord, please hear my prayer

Ahead

 I was able to finish some things earlier than usual. Hopefully, this will give me time and energy to focus better for a big thing I need to finish as soon as possible. I need to finish it so I can also do other stuff as well. But despite already having something to look forward to, I still feel frustrated over the lack of updates on some certain things. It comes in trickles when I want it to pour!

Believe

 So a new exciting thing came along and I grabbed the opportunity at once. I really need to make up for everything I've lost so I will do my best to accomplish my goal this time. It will be quite challenging because of a limited time set but I'm so ready. And I actually want more too to come soon. And can it come fast?

Let it Rip

 So now I just confronted the consequence of my recklessness and it is freeing. Yes, I'm facing quite a big challenge but at least I no longer delaying the inevitable. No longer in denial of my mistake. I swear to bounce back from this setback. In the grand scheme of things, it is just a minor hiccup but the way I am, I'm just too hard on myself. But it's all for the better so I won't do this recklessness again. 

Oh Dear Lord please guide me as I pick myself up from this self-induced setback. 

4x

 So yeah I now regret I did that thing four times so I'm now in this tricky situation. Well, it's actually workable and all but I wish had the buffer which I wasted because of that risk I made. Yeah, I learned some things in the end but ultimately I am suffering from the consequences. I need to do my very best and get back what I've wasted. I can do it

Noise

 Another day, another chaotic moment for no good reason. Because people can't control what they think, what they feel. I've had those moments of puro annoyance too but I don't stir drama and just keep it to myself because what good does it that than add unnecessary stress. Tired over and over and over again.

Course

The last batch of my course Broadcast Journalism will graduate this month. The program has now been redeveloped into Digital and Multimedia Journalism next school year. I feel a little sad about it but times have changed and I applaud DLSU-D's foresight and willingness to adapt. 

There are some choices in life that I have regrets but not the course I chose! Broadcast Journalism was actually my second choice with Accounting as my first choice because I was kinda good in high school accounting but during the enrollment when I was asked which course I will take, the heart spoke 💕 

Being a grade-conscious studious student from elementary to high school, college was so refreshing and the highlight of my school life. I still cared about grades but my life didn't revolve around it anymore because being a BroadJourn student expanded the way I view life and learning. 

Bravo Broad Journ! We had a great run, thanks a lot to sir Artin Umali the heart and soul of the program. 

All the best to AB Digital and Multimedia Journalism, I'm sure it will be as great as BroadJourn and I'm excited for the upcoming pioneer batch.

More waiting

 Still nothing and I'm getting alarmed. I'm just anxious as always but hopefully next week there will be news I am waiting for. Also this month there is something I'm trying not to think because it scares me yet again. It's been a routine for the past few years but I'm always scared about it. It's part of the fiber of my being now. That's why I need to have things to distract me, good distraction not the other distraction that made me lose my mind which I somehow regret although it is something I needed to experience - losses and all. Yeah, another messy rambling but this is how my mind has been lately

Still Waiting

 As I wrapped another today, I have another on deck but after that nothing yet. It is really worrying me that this dry spell continues. I really hope we get some good news soon because this is really making me anxious!

Cool

 There's a very cool thing that I need to confirm before bragging about it. I need confirmation so I'll have permission to be proud of it. I do hope credit is given so it could be a good booster for us hopefully. I'm still worried that there are not enough follow-ups to fill in the spaces and I really hope they will arrive soon enough

Circling Back

I am scared of a lot of things right now. I try not to think about it so it won't manifest but my mind just keeps thinking about worse-case scenarios for these two things on my mind always. Now, I'm trying to distract myself again about a thing I'm trying to avoid but it's proven to be a struggle

Dry

 And it continues and it is getting me worried. Hopefully, something, anything, happens this week. There must be something coming that will feed this tank that is approaching an alarming scenario. 

Burst

 I'm exhausted from dealing with mood swings. I have to set aside my OWN mood swings because who would if everyone else is having a moment? We can't all survive if everybody is in a foul mood. So as always, I set aside everything to make them at ease.  I do it for my own good too. I'm too exhausted with everything that I don't really go out and explore the world outside my own bubble. It is better for me this way, I never to get enjoy being outside anyway because there's always something to worry about inside. I just place myself in my own bubble within this bubble to carry on. This is a part of my bubble too. It is technically outside but I doubt anyone sees this anyway. Sometimes I wonder if one day google gives on blogger and everything I had here will be erased. Like in Friendster. Like in Multiply. Like in PEx. Will I bother saving everything I had here or like those other sites, I just let it fade away. I just do a post here because it is talking to myself where I can visibly see my thoughts. I ramble and it's fine because it lifts a side of all the burdens I carry before it gets filled again. 

AI

 The rise of Artificial Intelligence really worries me. It's likey gonna wipe out a lot of jobs in the future. Some say you can't stop the future and just embrace it. Easy to say for people with nothing really on the line. Just read this article that YouTube is launching their AI-powered automatic dubbing for content creators. While we never had a client for dubbing under social media, still I'm afraid AI-powered localization will hurt our company eventually. Hopefully not and that the value of having actual humans doing translations and adaptation will still have edge. 

Quotes

Glad to met my goal today and also received another thing to do. But I want more really. I've been really anxious with the near-dry spell. There are leads but nothing confirmed yet. I hope things will pour in soon!

(grunts)

 So close yet so far. I wanted to push myself more but I'm so exhausted already. I don't want to abuse myself or else there could be serious consequences which I definitely don't want to deal with right now. I'll finish this tomoorrow with a refreshed mind. 

Intricate

 So good progress for today but I could do so much more, hopefully, tomorrow I'll maximize what I can do. I used to do this faster but I'm slower now because I don't want to mess it up so the quality won't suffer. After this, I still have two in queue but I'm getting worried already with no new stuff coming in lately. Hopefully, good news will come in soon. 

Wanted

 So some challenging few days ahead as I need to beat two important deadlines but this is the kind of rush I really want though. It keeps my mind so busy not to think about fears, anxieties, and other recent stuff that I was starting to get addicted to despite my brain telling me it was not a good thing. Hopefully, more things to come to be productive continuously and not get worked up on things dragging my spirit down. 

Beat

 I got irritated today because I felt like I'm on a losing end when I just want to help. It's hard to be honest about it as well so I just tried to be as polite as possible in expressing my concern about something. Oh, well. I really need to assess this situation, afraid of offending people but also tired of being in the middle of this again.

25 Minutes

So near yet so far. I could have touched the finish line earlier but I don't know why I made my own obstacles! I really need more push to get this to the finish line! Let's get to it!

Barbenheimer

 I definitely want to see both Barbie and Oppenheimer but I just need to find the time to do it! Pre-Covid days, I would dedicate one Saturday watching movies but it's not something I could do anymore. I have family errands on weekend mornings, afternoon naps, and dubbing scripts at night. Plus weekend traffic is not something I like to deal with anymore. I do miss those carefree days but it's not just the same anymore. I do hope to find the time sometime next week

Grapes

I had a bit of a struggle finishing this task. I haven't made much progress but hopefully this weekend I can finally finish it. I really need to do my best here because I always aim to do my best and not get complaints from poor work. 

Tank

  Blessings are pouring but I'm worried about the future. We need more to settle things down. The load is still good but I want an overflow again so there will be more security. 

Reviewed

 So just finished something that annoyed me a little but you have to be patient I guess. But I need to also protect myself from being abused. So I need to be more firm and strict I guess so I won't have to suffer in the end because I didn't made things clear. 

Resist

 So I'm fighting to do the same reckless decision I made the past month. It's a heart vs mind thing but hopefully not jinxing it, my mind is winning this time. I keep reminding myself of the aftermath of my decision so I keep myself in check. I don't have the excess to make that mistake again. 

Attention

Glad to finish the task I was working on over the weekend today. And now I'm off to work on another one and hopefully, I can finish as early as possible because I have another one in line too! But I really hope that there's more to come as well!

Close but not..

 So I'm close to finishing the task that I wasn't able to do yesterday. I do feel a little regretful because if I made some progress yesterday I would be finished by now already. I plan to finish this tomorrow before lunch though because I already feel sleepy. Good thing it was a fun thing to do so all is well

Maybe tomorrow

 I planned to do something productive and I ended up sleeping in the afternoon! Well, it's not super immediate task but I wanted to do it early but oh well, when your body called you to rest, you will follow!

On-Off

 The past month had been interesting. I keep going back and forth to this. it's a want vs need thing. I try to balance things out really but not sure where I stand now. But anyway, I will go back focusing on things I need to do. Hoping for more projects to come to keep myself busy even more

Lonely

I am lonely. No matter how I try to not think feeling this way I just can't. I keep on reminding myself that things could be so much worst but there just comes a point that you feel exhausted trying to remind yourself of that. I wish for better things. I wish for peace of mind. But it's not happening, it goes on and on. I don't want to whine because, at the end of the day, I do this because I want to and because of unconditional love. But it's just hard at times.  I wish I didn't feel this way. But there's no shortcut. There will be more days of the same feeling. 

Bandaid

 The past 3 weeks or so I tried to escape thinking about the recurrent worries I have but let's face it I was just fooling myself. Endless worries. I keep going back and forth but I still end up in the same place.  It's frustrating but it could be so much worst. I always try to take things into perspective. Maybe I will keep doing this escape but up to what point? I am now confronted with the same dilemmas. Maybe I just forget about giving myself a temporary exit from the stressful things I endure. 

112

 A little disappointing today. A plan I had didn't pan out but well you gotta think of the lesser hassle and the bigger picture. It is also a situation that is caught in between a transition, So yeah need to do what's better for the future. 

Freaked Out

 So I was doing something I thought I wanted but then the real me kicked in. Yeah, no matter how I try to change myself, I can't really fight my natural instinct with such things. It's gonna hurt me in the long run but I don't know maybe this is where I was really meant to be.

Sunny

 I ran some errands today at noontime and the heat was unbearable. I was using a big umbrella usually used for storms because it is not safe to walk with that kind of heat with no protection really. It was good to see some guys like me with their umbrellas too, I mean come on you shouldn't risk your heatlh just because of social norms that men don't use umbrellas when there's no rain!

Heat

 This week is freaky as for the first in my life I saw the sun still shining brightly close at 6PM. The heat is just unbearable. I wish for colder weather soon!

Booked

Finished two dubbing scripts this week! I love the feeling of it again! I have three scripts on my plate as well with deadlines close to each other! AND I LOVE IT.  I've had enough lazy weekends after house chores. I want to spend the weekend working on scripts again! Hopefully more projects to come

Rev

Finished the first episode of the latest dubbing project we have. A day before the deadline as well so that's nice. Dubbing starts on  Monday so it was a bit rushed but I always worked on dubbing scripts, especially with this director who has been very appreciative of my work. I don't fish for compliments but it's always to get complemented and it really gave me a boost as well!

Muna

 I needed to end some of the recklessness I've been doing the past few weeks. It's a decision I made because taking that risk made me experience things I never did but there's still that immense feeling of regret and yet I go back to the same cycle which also made me lose focus on certain things. Maybe I'll revisit this someday but with a better plan and not just because of the thrill of  taking a risk, ignoring the bigger picture just because I want to be selfish for a moment. 

Gimme More

After having some drought, glad to know new projects are coming in again. I want to be so busy again because those weeks with a lighter workload worried me a little! I'm already used to being so occupied with back-to-back things that I need to finish. So happy now but hoping for MORE! 

Window

 So Monday is quite good for opportunities! Quit excited and hopefully more to come. I have some stressful some at the back of my head but I will savor this bliss in the meantime. The feeling of excitement is there but I need to manage my expectations

Testing

So this "experiment" is making me realize a lot of things now. I'm learning some stuff about myself. It's still a work in progress and I hope to come out of this a better person. I'm cautious but at the same, I want to be reckless too. It's a hard thing to balance really but I need to confront and face everything before it's too late for me.

Simul

 I entered something I know very well what it really is but I'm trying to find something more to this. It makes me happy even for a few moments and yet I know it's all a facade. But for a few moments I can pretend I'm on a different world. 

Aftermath

 The feeling of euphoria blinded me and before I go too far, I'm putting the brakes on. I've realized I willingly fooled myself into a fantasy but now I have come to my senses that this isn't it. It's all an illusion and I need to step away. But still thankful I've experienced it because it's still a learning experience after all. I am sad though but I'll get over it.

Threat

 I'm getting worried about some thing already and each day I hope that there will be news coming but there are just trickles and just leads. Then I just found out something that makes things even more vulnerable. I hope like before it will just pass and opportunities come in again. I've been stressing about that perhaps that led to me some impulse decisions that gave me some temporary escape but as it is temporary, I keep coming back to this listless state. 

Charm

 After a rough time yesterday, glad to have a good day today. It was really goood! I'm afraid that something bad could happen because of the euphoria I felt today but nope I will not let negativity get me down again, I want to savor today where I felt something I never did before. So pleasing. 

Crestfallen

 What I've been fearing has happened again. I am so scared and tired and frustrated and devastated. I had a feeling it will happen again but now it is actually happening I have no words to say. I want to step back and just let things be. My attitude could just add up to the multitudes of stress. I'm struggling to cope up with this again. Lord, please hear my prayer.

A Week

 What happened a week ago is still on my mind. I'm still tormented by the feeling of failure but also the desire to do it again and make it work. I'm afraid to take a risk again but I do know if you stay in your lane all the time that feeling of regret and resentment just grows and I don't want that. Hopefully, I will find the answer eventually. 

Declutter

 So I did nothing important but discuss shallow entertainment stuff on message boards. It's actually quite good not to be thinking about serious matters for a while especially what I've gone through the past week, It was quite brutal but I will be fine and make things better. Hopefully, next week will be better and some of the things I want will come to fruition

Figure

 Thinking over that thing again I feel like making that mistake was essential to me to learn more about myself. It was a big failure that I haven't mode on yet but as I process my emotion, I'm realizing things I haven't thought about before. Not sure if it just me rationalizing to make me feel better or have I genuine breakthrough but nonetheless despite the result, it was a pivotal in my life I will never forget.

And yet

 The failure of that risk is still on my mind. I don't want to take such a risk again and yet a part of me wants to gamble again. I want it for myself. I want to find success in this matter so bad but my rational self is reminding me how much I've lost with the first attempt. I knew what I could potentially lose when I took that risk and I thought that if I failed, that would stop me from trying it again but what am I doing now? Thinking about giving it another go and maybe learning from the mistakes of the first one. the second try could be more meaningful to me. Confused.

Certified

 I still can't help but dwell on my loser moment because it was such a big deal to me. I should have know better but I was clinging to the hope that the risk will pay off and that thing I've been wanting for so many years will be fulfilled but alas it wasn't. And I really made a fool out of myself. So embarrassing. So frustrating. So depressing

Elements

Elemental is so good! A wonderful love story that hit the right emotions! Love it so much, the romance works so well I didn't expect to feel that way for two non-human characters especially when they first held hands? The sparks!

I also like that this isn't the usual animated story of the characters going on an adventure to reach somewhere. It really is more of a relationship and personal connection movie so having no villain really works for its format.

The animation is stellar as one could expect with Pixar. The water and fire I could just imagine how long and intricate the process were.

 And this song was so perfectly used in the movie

Flop

 One thing I was anticipating for and my worst scenario happened. Now that I know the actuality it just makes me feel more like a loser and I did this to myself. Lesson learned. i was not cut out for it. I know the chances were high that it would be a disaster but I did it anyway. Rationalizing that now I won't be longing for ot anymore because of what happened. I am so sad but I need to move on from this.

GM

It's only here that I can say I'm exhausted. I just don't have the guts to tell it to someone in person. It feels more real and there are more repercussions if you do that. There's no such as opening up and will be okay after our tears are shed. It's a fantasy we live in the fictionalized content. Oh, I hate that word content. Devalues works of art. Oh, I hate that word to art it feels too condescending. Basically, I'm like this. Scatterbrain. I don't know where to stand in life. I'm annoyed, stressed, and depressed. 

Within

 I wish I could write what I am picturing in my head. Maybe it's something that's going to make an impact. But no it is just a delusion. For a few minutes, I'm transported to somewhere exciting, relaxing, and fun. I wish it's something I can make happen. Maybe? I don't know. It's an inner battle I have been dealing with whenever I face hurdles, no matter how small in the grand scheme of things, in life. 

Reports

There are impending things that will requite a lot of me and I'm ready for it but somehow it is making me want to do something I was hesitant at first just because maybe I need to do it so I can be more I don't know encouraged to face things head on? Or maybe I just some little break before bigger challenges. I'm figuring it myself as I go along with life 

Bothered

Here we go again. Perhaps. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. My head is spinning with so many things I worry about. I have to be strong. I have to be calm. I have to be brave. Oh Lord, please help me manage my emotions for the better of everyone. I can't manage to lose it.

Peek

 Sometimes when you had a taste of something, it will keep you wanting more but your brain is telling you to stop because it is the right thing to do. But reminding you to stop also makes the urge to break it higher. Life is so complicated. 

Overeager

 Some good leads today and I hope it all works out so I can finally feel at ease. It's been worrying me a lot because I fear instability. I don't want that. I need this one aspect of my life to be okay. Well, it is OK but I don't want to see a potential for vulnerability.  But to be honest, I just worry too much.

More please

Each time I check for something new, most of the time I fail. I should have not gotten myself too involved but here we go and I'm now quite nervous. Hopefully, something more is on the horizon. 

Conodrum

 I've been having trouble concentrating right now. I don't have the energy to do something that I put myself in without thinking properly. I should have foreseen this but I was too messy to not realize I am putting myself at a disadvantage. Maybe if there was something else to make up for this, I will feel better. But I guess I am in my selfish era... at least just in my thoughts because no matter what this sinking feeling is, I will do what is right. 

Worried Sick

 Trying not to think something bad is gonna happen and that I'm distracting myself over nonsense things because if I face it head-on, I will be just torturing myself and won't be able to function well. Oh this is tough, Lord please, don't let this thing in my mind happen, 

Precedent

 I'm getting nervous about something that could happen again. I'm trying to brush it off but I can't help but feel it from time and time again. Oh dear Lord, I hope this fear of mine will not happen. I beg you please

Information

 Thank goodness, one thing I was hoping happened today. But I wish for more because I'm being paranoid already about future sustainability. And also that other issue hopefully gets resolved so effort won't be wasted! Oh, there's another thing that's been caught in between transition, I was so tempted to do the initiative but good thing I realized that this wasn't my lane and I have no right to do so. But hopefully more will be coming in the weeks ahead, let it pour please!

Ever

 

The final season of Never Have I Ever is now streaming over at Netflix Check out the Filipino-dubbed version of all 4 seasons! I translated five episodes including the finale.  This show is very fun to do!

Shall

 I finished working on the script of this project which was based on a famous classic novel. Working on this project made me curious about the novel. Maybe someday I'll read it and not just rely on Wikipedia but it really won't be that easy given my time but we shall see

Across

 We got sent home early from work today because there was a floor in the building that caught fire. It was controlled immediately and thankfully was not big enough to cause bigger problems but still to be safe we were sent home and that was before lunchtime. It was too early to go home so I decided to watch a movie and I chose Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse and the animation was mindblowing! The story was engaging and it ended on a cliffhanger because the final movie is set for next year! I can't wait to watch it!

Hence

Quite a challenging work I'm doing now. I need to use specific words to make it sound authentic but not too try-hard. I made some progress today so hopefully I can finish this tomorrow!

Tolstoy

 I'm a bit off my game today because it's not urgent hopefully tomorrow I'll be more in tune with what I need to finish. I did have a good nap today which is nice. Hoping some good news will welcome me on  the week ahead to fuel me more. I'm getting worried about some things really and it's affecting me so much.

First!

 My Nephew had his first field trip since the pandemic started and also his first without his mom or me as his guardian! Well, he is 14 years so about time really and I'm happy for him to taste some indepedence too. But time flies, he'll be turning 15 in a few months! But glad he is shaping to be a smart boy!

Changes

 I was researching something and somehow ended up on Linkedin. I had an account for so many years but I don't really use it except for sometimes updating it. I've been with the same company for nearly 14 years so there's nothing much to update but I've been looking at the job history of friends and acquaintances and it's interesting where they are now. Before, I would feel insecure comparing myself to them but this time around I didn't feel that way. I'm really fine where I am right now. The pandemic really changed how I view things now. 

Thinning

 While I received some blessings today, I'm getting a little angsty about the future because it's not as loaded as it used to be. Hoping it pours soon because I'm quite paranoid. I want a good problem again. But maybe it's okay if there is a slowdown but I don't want to it last long. Hopefully, some good news will arrive soon.