Facing the Tooth Fairy

I will have some of my teeth extracted in May. I promised to myself that I will take care of my teeth already and get over my fear of having my teeth extracted by a dentist. All of my life, I have been in the dentist's office just TWICE not counting the dental check up I had when I applied for college. And I never had a proper tooth extraction before. I just wait for it "fall off naturally".
But I'm not a kid anymore. I know for a fact that I have two "dying" teeth and I should let it go already, the proper and medical way.
It sucks that only now that I have decided to face this fear. Stupid fear now that I realize it.
***
Since Wednesday, I have not gone out of the house. Got sick and rested. I'm such a bum and I both love it and hate it. Yeah, it's fun doing nothing but just surf the net away but I'm afraid that I may get used to it so much. But I feel restless also. And believe it or not, stressed.
***
It has been a week since the HF Yearend Workshop. It has been a month since I graduated.
I am at this point of my life that I do not exactly know what I want to do.
A phase? Maybe. Hope to get over this soon.

Leap

It has been said that when God closes a door he opens a window. Or vice versa. Basta, something similar to that haha.
I feel that one aspect in my life have fallen apart. I thought it was meant for me. Then that happened. And I realize I could not fit in there. Maybe I was never suppose to be there in the first place.
But I guess it was all in God's plan for me to experience that. He helped me re evaluate my life.
Now, I'm putting that on hold. I'm not putting a period just a comma.
I will jump to something I do not know if I will succeed. But I will try.

Thesis Epilogue

Today, finally, napa bookbind na namin ang thesis! It took awhile since me and Jas enjoyed the vacation too much ha!ha!. We already submitted it to our department but our adviser is not there and she will be back on Friday pa. We need her signature for the certification and approval sheet. We printed four copies, one each for me, Jas, our department, and adviser. For the library, what they need is the soft copy in CD form. The printing took awhile since printing in the DLSU-D thesis paper is a bit tricky haha plus our thesis have about 140 pages and multiply by four and you get the idea. When we held our the final copy of our thesis it was a great feeling. We felt a sense of accomplishment. All the hard`work paid off.
I do hope that someday some students could find our study useful and use it as RRL.

Purple

I was about to go to school today but my mother requested not to for some reason. I give in. Thanks to the Internet I was still able to do some work for HF. And well I'm excited for our literary folio, Palad, I love the lay out! And we have this cutting edge concept. I hope we win in the CEGP. *crosses fingers*
***
I read the latest issue of Newsbreak magazine which I bought a week ago but only read now. Ate Purple, a Broadcast Journalism alumnus (one year ahead of me) and former editor of HF, is a researcher/writer for this publication. I am so proud of her, I read all her articles and well this is really what Ate Purple wants in her life. This is so her, an investigative journalist.
I remember the times where we talked inside the HF office, she is really an insightful person. And she is not really stiff, she is so "kalog". I admit I don't usually get almost all her HF columns back in the day and I sometimes ask her what the point of her column is and she will enthusiastically explain it to me. I admire her courage and the way she thinks. I know she will be a great journalist in the years to come and I'm so excited for her.
***
Here are some of the articles Purple Romero wrote for Newsbreak:

• UN to RP: What happened to Alston’s recommendations?

• Second Chance: Colon Cancer is not a death sentence

• Twist to Neri case: Lawyer wanted dissenting justices to inhibit

• UN: Lack of political will behind poor access to sanitation

Unproductive

I feel so useless. I feel so lazy. All I do is watch TV or surf the net. And eating of course. And I'm getting fatter each day. I need to get my old groove back. I admit, I enjoy my bumming around time but I need to control this, I don't want to get used to this.
I hate to admit this but I feel trapped. I want to move on. But I know I could not. I hate to feel this way. I'm just tired I guess. Drained. Lost the spirit. Burned out. I should not feel this but I can't control myself to not feel this way. But I will not escape. I'll fight even though I feel like a loser already.

Grammar Check

Yesterday I was checking the proofs for LS Special magazine which were edited by the technical consultant and I discovered something embarrassing. My column for the magazine was heavy with corrections. It just shows that among the editors , I am probably the weakest writer. Heck, a lot of my staff are better writers than me perhaps. It is a shame considering that I am the Editor-in-Chief. This year, I did not grow as a writer because I focused more on the management aspect of the job. Or maybe I just don't have it. This makes me feel scared, if I apply for a job and upon knowing that I was an EIC of the student publication, the employer will expect a lot from me: polished grammar, solid writing style and coherent sentence constructions. And I'm not confident that I could meet the expectations.

Wow

That's what I said when I found out that the Philippines will have its own version of the reality series [and one of my all time faves] SURVIVOR. Not a copy cat/rip off but a franchise! GMA 7 bought the rights and plugs are now being played on channel 7. I'm so excited! I don't know how will the Filipino audience respond to this kind of show where backstabbing and manipulation are rampant. I have high hopes for this show since GMA 7's foray to reality TV through EXTRA CHALLENGE was quite good [quite because there were off episodes/weeks]. Reportedly, the current affairs team of GMA will produce the show, so a plus point for me!
And well since we know how the two stations compete, I wonder how will ABS CBN respond to this? Amazing Race Philippines perhaps? Exciting!

Normal Day?

I guess so.

I tried.

Did well I guess.

I did have my anxiety attack every now and then. But I managed to have a "normal" day today.
Hope it continues.

***
I was busy today doing HF work. I have lots of backlogs due to my absence last week because I got sick. I'm quite happy since Just Play is now on the proofreading stage, LS special is almost finish so as Palad. Alipato is 40% done. The problem na lang is the special issue of HF broadsheet. Long way to go pa. I am aiming for all jobs done by this month so I could leave HF already hahaha. Kidding, I mean I want those burdens off my chest for me to enjoy my final moments in DLSU-D.
By the way, today is the start of the summer term. I miss summer classes. For three years I had summer classes because my course's curriculum really has the summer term. I did not complain though since I love summer classes, it is fast faced actually and I was not bored.
Also, there was a shooting in school today, ABS CBN as always. I saw Maja Salvador and Jon of PBB. DLSU-D is a favorite location of ABS CBN shows. Over the years I saw Bea Alonzo, John Lloyd Cruz, Zanjoe Marudo, Jason of PBB, Iya Villania, Kim Chui, Gerald Anderson among others. And of course when I was a freshman, Marian "Marimar" Rivera was a Psychology senior and she was sort of famous na rin back then since she starred in the Skin White commercial during that time. Who have thought a few afters she will be a star. I remember seeing her in the JFH hallway and she is really beautiful but she really have a "manly" voice hehe.
***
I saw some friends who claimed their diploma [the real one since the one given to us in the graduation rites was fake haha]. I kinda felt envious. A clearance is needed to claim the diploma . Well, I haven't started my clearance yet since I will still be in school pa naman until May. Plus, we haven't passed the thesis yet hahahaha. Procrastinating until the end haha. But me and Jas will work on it this week. The past weeks we decided to lie low . Not just us but the whole JOU41 block haha. I guess we were delaying it so we could have a reason to go back to school. Awwww *senti mode on*
****
Guilty pleasure: PBB Teen Edition Plus! Aliw! So far the show is entertaining but knowing PBB it will have its draggy moments like contrived twists and lousy tasks. But for now I'm enjoying the show.
Also because of waiting for PBB to start I sort of got hooked with Lobo as well. The show is not the typical Pinoy fantaserye, the story has depth and I must say Angel Locsin improved on the acting department, she is not a ham actress anymore.
And before you label me as "kapamilya", I will tell you I'm not. I'm not a "kapuso" either. I am "kabarkada" haha just jokin. Seriously, I actually hate the network war since because their competition is not healthy. Long time ago I posted a blog entry about that titled Boobtube Battle Boo Boos.
***
I'm excited to find work. Although I'm expecting it will be hard. But hey I'm ready.

Breathe

It has been almost a week since I became "like this". I decided that I could not sulk and whine all day. I'm not saying I'll fight this because I can't, I already tried and I'm tired. I will just face reality. Be as brave as I could. I could not let my life to be on hold because of this. I'll just hope and pray that in the end things will turn out fine.
But I have to stop acting like this. My whining will not help me at all. I have to be strong.

Let the song speak for me

These Hard Times-Matchbox Twenty

Morning falls like rain into the city life
There goes another night
Losing my breath in waves
Knowing that ever crash is bleading the hourglass
And taking the strife from all our lives

Everyone keeps talking
They promise you everything
But they don't mean anything

We may loose our focus
There's just too many words
We're never meant to learn
And we don't feel so alive

So goodbye, these days are gone
And we can't keep holding on
When all we need is some relief
Through these hard times
Through these hard times

Move your hands in circles
Keeping me hypnotized
The power behind your eyes
Move around your bedroom cursing the naked sky
You should be here tonight
But you stay alone and cry

Say goodbye, these days are gone
And we can't keep holding on
When all we need is some relief
Through these hard times
(whoa) There's something missing
(Oh whoa) You'll never feel it but you
(Oh whoa) You're gonna feel it when it's gone
When it's gone

Say goodbye, these days are gone
And we can't keep holding on
When all we need is some relief
Through these hard times
(hey) these Hard times
(oh no now) Hard times
Hard times

Say goodbye, these days are gone
Say goodbye, these days are gone
These days are gone

Twenty Tunes 4

CURRENT FAVORITE SONGS:

1. These Hard Times-Matchbox Twenty
2. Beat It-Fallout Boy feat John Mayer
3. Whatever It Takes-Lifehouse
4. Evidence-Urbandub
5. Akala mo lang-Zelle
6. Under Repair-Imago
7. Monobloc-Pupil
8. Bleeding Love-Leona Lewis
9. Procrastinator-Sandwich
10. Uh Oh-Taken by Cars
11. 4 minutes-Madonna feat Justin Timberlake and Timbaland
12. With You-Chris Brown
13. Touch My Body-Mariah Carey
14. Nine in the Afternoon-Panic at the Disco
15. Aaminin-Six Cycle Mind
16. No Air-Jordin Sparks feat Chris Brown
17. Low-Flo Rida feat T-pain
18. Susundan-Callalily
19. Empty-The Click Five
20. Something Right-Westlife

***
Twenty Tunes 3
Twenty Tunes 2
Twenty Tunes 1

I want to feel normal again

This is the third day that I am feeling this way. I feel so sick. Not just medically speaking. But sick, emotionally sick. Here I am again , going to this very disturbing phase. I feel like my life is put on hold. I could not tell to anyone exactly what I feel. I am a shock absorber from my family to my friends. But what about me? This blog is my shock absorber.
There are stuffs that helped me divert my attention for a while: TV, radio, Internet. But the effect will only last for a short while then I will go back to whining, being paranoid and crying.
I'm a great pretender. No one knows exactly what I am going through. I don't like sharing it that much. I would like them to see me as "business as usual" but I'm hurting inside. Sometimes I would like to blame people why I feel this way but later on I would take it back. I just like to blame people coz I want to feel better but I did not feel any better at all.
The thing I am struggling right now is my fault. I want to redeem myself but it's too late or I'm too scared to take the risk again. I'm a coward.
God help me survive this ordeal.

This is the day

that I want to forget.

***

Yesterday I was so happy, I had a getaway with my classmates at Batangas sort of graduation send off but sadly only 13 came nevertheless I enjoyed the day so much that I don't want it to end.

But it has to. Nothing last forever.

***

And now I'm sad again. I hate this feeling.

***

Last week, I was happy because I graduated. One week after, for a few hours all my happy thoughts were erased. Damn, I hate this day.

Pen

Yesterday I announced the incoming editorial board of HF. And it started to sink in, soon it's over. And I really felt sad. Has it really been a year already? I will still be with HF until early May though and I still do have lots of things to do and work on. But the coming weeks will be the transition period already.I will soon leave the publication which gave me the toughest challenges and where I learned so many lessons in life. I had a good run. I realized despite the downward spiral I experienced towards the last part of my term I should not feel bad. I did my best. I had shortcomings but I accepted it and will bring all those experiences and lessons as I leave HF and DLSU-D. Plus I had lots of good memories during my three-year stay with HF. Three years. Three unforgettable years.
Thank You Heraldo Filipino.

Team 23

The Editorial Board of Heraldo Filipino Team 23 (SY 08-09)

Hanna Corrine Salta
Editor in Chief

James Michael Chiong
Associate Editor*

Michaela Grimaldo
Managing Director

Regilin Hernandez
Office and Circulations Manager

Rizza Mendoza
News Editor

Paul Amiel Salonga
Features Editor

Krisha Lou Doliente
Sports Editor

Patrick Rowell Quintos
Literary Editor

* The Associate Editor will be in charge of the Visual sections (Photo,Art and Graphics) for the time being until the Editorial Board decides to tap someone to be the coordinator of the sections.

** The position of Copy Editor will be appointed by the new Editorial Board

*** There are vacant positions due to the following reasons:
1. No one applied
2. Disqualification due to non appearance on the panel interview
3. The applicant/s have low scores in both the competitive exam and panel interview.

Special thanks to former editors Maycee Mercado, John Xavier Nepomuceno and SPO Director Ms.Brenda Martinez who accepted my invitation for them to seat as panelists during the screening of applicants.

Still in School

It really felt weird when I entered the DLSU-D campus yesterday. Technically, I'm already an alumnus. But I will still be in school until May due to HF duties and I'm not complaining, I do still have lots of responsibilities to take care of. I just don't want to took off without a smooth transition with next year's batch. I had a rough transition when I was appointed as EIC. I don't want my successor to experience the same. Anyway, the next EIC and the rest of the editors were already chosen and they will be announced tomorrow on our special staff meeting. March 26 was the panel interview of editorial board aspirants. I invited Ate Maycee and Kuya Jun Jun,HF Team 20's associate editor and managing editor respectively, to seat as panelists along with Mam Brenda, SPO director. They were my first editors. They were one of the people who took a gamble with me by accepting me at HF. It was nice seeing them especially ate Maycee who was so nice as she filed a leave at Manila Bulletin where she works just to accommodate us. Ate Maycee is the "terror editor" but I love her for that. She is one of my mentors especially since she also came from the News section. I learned a lot from her and that's the reason why I chose her as one of the panelist. I know she will asks the right questions. Kuya Jun Jun is one of the smartest and most approachable I have ever met in my life. He is now a teacher and is currently taking up his masteral degree. He plans to teach in DLSU-D in the future.

Tomorrow is the start of a new beginning for HF. I'm excited.

The Big Day

Today is my Graduation Day it was held at PICC. Assembly time was 8 am but me and my parents got there 7am but there were people who were earlier than us and when we went to PICC there was a plethora of people already. The graduation ceremony was okay, not that long to the point of being draggy. But since we had an ineffective rehearsal, we got confused for some stuff like when will we stand up or when will we place our tassel to the right. In the rehearsal we were warned not to "cheer" or "take pictures" but still we were pasaway!But I guess it does not matter since it did not look disrespectful. We could not be stiff and lifeless on our graduation. Jerry , the Magna Cum Laude from Political Science, were in tears during his speech. You know what I felt butterflies in my stomach when I was close to being called to the stage. It was a fast moment but very momentous. Well, we did a lot of camwhoring/picture taking, here's mine. After all, this is the last time we will be in one room together. Some of my classmates cried. I did not but I was sad and I hug all my classmates. It felt good. I love my block. Will never forget this people. I'm so happy for my parents too. I'm glad I did not let them down. I know they really feel jubilant since they were able to send us all four children to college.
So that was it. The end of an era.
What's next for me? I still have HF duties. Tomorrow is the panel interview for the EB aspirants.
I will be still in school for HF stuff probably until May.
After that? Abangan!
***
I called up a radio station tonight and I was on air! It was my first time! It happened during DJ Kelly's program on MAX 103.5. My voice sucked and talked fast [nothing new haha].Why did I do that? Well, because of the graduation spirit I had, I want to try something I haven't done yet. Calling a radio station is a bit shallow but hey it is a start.

Graduation Eve

Today I had a hair cut. Bought a new belt [since my old one does not "satisfy my needs" anymore haha]. All in preparation for tomorrow's "big day". This is it, after 14 years of studying [6 years grade school, 4 years each for high school and college] this chapter of my life will now end.
I wrote three "Senti Blogs" already on my multiply account:

Buhay Third Year
Buhay Sophomore
Buhay Freshman

The 'Buhay Fourth Year' will be posted tomorrow in line with the "big day".

I also begun writing testimonials/comments on my classmates' Friendster accounts which they interpreted as a 'farewell" message. Been listening a lot to songs such as Nelly Furtado's All Good Things (Come to an end), Greenday's Time of Your Life, Matchbox Twenty's How Far We've Come, Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten, Vitamin C's Graduation (Friends Forever), Lea Salonga's The Journey and of course Raymond Lauchengco's Farewell. I also created a Friendster group for our block. I am also cooking up some major farewell blog for my classmates. I think it was just apt to have the Holy Week first before our graduation. It gave us time to think and reflect.

I was never like this during my high school graduation. I am more sentimental and emotional now. Maybe tomorrow I will cry and I will not give a damn about it.

Maintain this frequency!

Campus Radio is back! The station has now been resurrected at 99.5 under the name Campus FM. As some of you may know, Campus Radio is formerly at 97.1 DWLS but well on February 14,2007 the station made a complete turn around and became a masa station named Baranggay LS which was one big shock to Philippine Radio enthusiasts like me. The DJs like Triggerman,Jimmy Jam, John Hendrix stayed and were "masafied". But in January 2008, the veteran LS jocks were fired and a brought a new air staff since the old team could not bring the station to no.1. Then well the old LS FM jocks found a way to ressurect Campus Radio at 99.5 formerly HiT FM (which is actually a year old only since it was launched in January 1,2007, before that the station was known as RT). I've been following this radio developments for months already. If you want to know more of the story you could visit Jimmy Jam's blog entries about the incident, you could read it here. You could see the discussion over at PinoyExchange over the rebirth of Campus radio through this thread.
I'm glad Campus Radio is now back! Although I was sad to see HiT FM ago.
***
The past few months revitalized my love for FM radio. I've been a radio junkie for years, it started when I was in Grade 4. I especially love music charts/countdowns. I have a thread Pinoyexchange about music charts.
I used to have a notebook where I jot down the countdowns. I love texting radio stations and chatting up with radio shows/stations who have YM IDs. But I never called up a radio station I am too shy. Back in the day though, I send messages throught their beepers haha. Old school.
Since 1998,I memorized all FM stations from Jam 88.3 to NU 107 [for a time there was Power 108]. The different changes/reformat several FM stations have over the years. The DJs who come and go or transferred or went back [Chico and Delamar from RX to KC to RX]. I even crIED when my favorite station 93.9 KC FM had their final airing [I-FM is now occupying the 93.9 frequency]. DWKC will be my ultimate favorite radio station, you could see my love for the station here. For AM radio, I grew up with DZRH but now I like DZMM better.
I did have a dream about becoming a radio broadcaster but that dreamed ended when I heard my voice on a cassette tape. Horrible. Haha.
Although, I love radio do not expect me to have "excellent taste" in music haha. I'm just into Pop music/contemporary hit radio/adult contemporary. I also don't discriminate on the masa stations, they have their own audience who genuinely enjoys them. But I know a lot are irritated with the masa stations but I guess kanya kanyang taste lang talaga.
I actually enjoy Love Radio's Nicole Hyala and Chris Tsuper especially Nicole. Their style on giving advice to people could be "over the top" but beneath the jokes they are somehow thought provoking. Well, people might disagree with me but this my honest assessment on them.
Since, I'm an active participant on some radio stations, it makes me feel happy that some DJs know me already like DJ Kelly of MAX 103.5.Her program Kellybites Nights aired weeknights, 9pm to 12 md is really fun plus she has this multiply conference every episode. And I met a lot of online friends there and DJ Kelly even chats with us. And we are like a barkada there.
There also shows like the ones in RX 93.1 where they have YM IDs and I have chatted with some DJs. Then my sister is actually friends with Ric Rider 101.9 WRR. Ric sometimes greets our family on air.
My love for radio is one of the reason why I never owned an MP3 player/I-Pod. I do however get the appeal of I-Pods because one could have their own "mini radio station" where they are the boss and controls the playlist. While for me, I like music and DJ interaction. Some people do not like too much talk on radio I understand so they prefer MP3 players. The rise of Ipods inspired me to write "I-Pod killed the Radiostar" for HF a year ago.
Oh well, actually I'm thinking that I could still have a career on radio, not "on air" though. Who know's right? The possibilities are endless.

Escape

I enjoyed watching the marathon run of Kyle XY on Studio 23 today. I finished all 12 episodes. I was in front of the television for so many hours [10:30 am to 8:30pm]. But it is nothing new actually for me haha. I did watch a few episodes when Kyle XY premiered a few months back on Studio 23 but I MISSED a lot episodes because of heavy school work [it was the thesis season haha] and I'm glad I was able to catch up a lot episodes. This show is my kind of show, a show for escapism. It is a good mix of suspense, science fiction, family drama and good 'ol teen romance haha. Let us just say the show is The X FILES meets 7th Heaven meets Beverly Hill 90210. The script is well written and what I like is that even the minor characters are not totally useless. The story line is well structured. In a nutshell, the TV show follows the life of a boy who have a mysterious past. It is sort of the teen version of the short-lived TV show John Doe.
Kyle XY is one engaging show to watch. For several hours I was able to "escape" from reality through this show.
You know what one of my dream career is to work for television and produce scripted shows like these. But I don't like the local TV scene, not that I'm placing the foreign productions in the pedestal because a lot of western shows are also bad. But my point is that the local TV scene is so draggy. I don't know if I'm making sense here. But you know the whole network war is overshadowing what TV should be. Anyway, what I don't like about our local TV industry is that it is so publicity-driven. It does not matter if the show is good but as long as it rates high its good . Or maybe I am just too idealistic. I do enjoy some local serialized shows but more on the guilty pleasure level but I don't feel compell to watch it regularly or care about the story or characters. I don't like that we have lots of daily shows. I believe if TV shows here are more on weekly basis there will be more time to produced polished scripts and not just some rushed production where the story lines are not laid out properly. Plus, I want variety in television where our local TV does not offer. It is just the same fare no matter what type of name they want their shows to be called [teleserye, telefantasya, fantaserye, sinenovela, telepiko and so on]. Another problem with our local TV industry is that we are 'star-driven', the networks launch shows just to use as a vehicle to launch a star or keep the star in the showbiz circulation.
Woah, I think I said so much already haha. Anyway, to end this blog entry let me share to you a quote by DJ Kelly of MAX FM 103.5 during the TV NIGHTS episode of her radio program "Kellybites Nights" [I'm also fascinated with radio as well, but that is another entry haha]

"We all have different forms of escape, movies, radio, tv...this is to briefly be somewhere else, in someone else's life, for as long as a couple of hours or as little as half an hour...you find yourself forgetting your worries, your troubles for awhile...whatever form of escape you choose, just try to never lose yourself, your true identity...and know that the best escape is still knowing who you really are, wherever you go, whatever you listen to or whatever you watch."