Wonder

Glad to see something good potentially happening. But I really don't want to get ahead of myself because this is how my life is, I need to manage my expectations just in case it doesn't work out in the end. But really hoping this one would be a go.  The last quarter of the year is coming and this would be a good start.... hopefully!

However, I'm still so sad that we missed out on such an important thing to me previously. I need to move on.

Manage

It was always a tricky thing to do but here I go again with the same flaws yet again. I acknowledge that this is all my fault, I sometimes sabotage myself for this! Oh well, let's make it work tomorrow!

Sticky

 The heat is unbearable again! The holiday season is right around the corner so the weather should be cold and not this! Why is everything so different now, huh? It's surreal sometimes. 

No deal

I was reminded to get off that distraction I've been wasting my time again. I have a lot on my plate and don't have the energy to deal with shallow stress. I should know better but I keep falling into the trap because it does give temporary reprieve from some of the things bothering me. But then when something that is supposed to be just entertainment causes you to be stressed about it, get out of that space, now!

Language

 I read something about people getting frustrated about some Filipino kid/teens today struggling or do not how to speak Filipino (Tagalog). I can't blame kids if they grew up not exposed it to but I think parents should make it a point especially if they are a middle-class family that their kids are multilingual as well just for communicating alone outside their famil and world. Some comments online I read are people speculating that parents or kids looked down on the language. I hope not that's not the case for the most. I get it in this country, we were led to believe being good in English makes you smarter. I admit I was like that too when I was younger that I wanted to be good in English because that would make me sound smart. That was foolish of course. 

EV

I have this feeling again. And it got worse because it got delayed. I mean, I know deep inside I wanted to delay it as well but my rational side knows things aren't going to get better I just have to face it a little later but it's inevitable anyway. I'm so scared of what could happen. It does not help that one thing that made me somehow happy is on the rocks too. Having this draining emotion brewing is hard, but i can't afford to lose control. I found myself in the situation of being the one people depend, I don't like it but I need to do it. Let there be favorable results, dear Lord.

Fly away

 September is about to end and lots of thoughts hanging over my head. A lot of worries per usual. But trying my very best to stay calm and collected. Then there's also one thing that still makes me sad. The loss of something I valued so much. Something that made me feel proud. It lasted for as long as it could. I knew the signs of slowing down were coming but the total end devastated me. Oh well, tough luck.

Fluid

 I got myself into unnecessary stress. Partly my fault because I was not focusing enough yesterday and found myself in trouble now., Partly because this could not be an issue if people knew not to make a big deal out of small things. But it's pointless to dream that something will change and as always I'm the one who will bow down.  I always have to be the person that will make the adjustments.  It's exhausting but there's nothing I can do, unfortunately, but live with this on my shoulder day by day.

Ply

Yeah, it's not meant to be. I was hoping for it until the last minute but alas. I'm getting a little sad because of everything that is not happening. I try to keep my mind busy but it's rather difficult when you feel so anxious about what's ahead. Despite everything that's been going on, I'll still keep hoping something good is on the horizon. I really hope so. 

Mired

 I don't want to break people's illusions but it's tough for me to carry things on my own. It's a heavy burden but over the years I've realized I'm the most capable of taking it all in. I hate to be that, but I see repercussions when I try to avoid being one. Problems get bigger. I don't know what to do so I just let things roll. I avoid thinking about it more because I feel more helpless. 

Feeds

 Feeling a little sad. No, not just a little. It's just one of those moments where you just feel inadequate. While I don't regret the things I prioritized there will always be moments like what I feel where I feel absolutely empty. I cry it out in silence. And it's good to release this so I stay sane and go back to business the next day. It's morbid but I always think of worst scenarios so I can be thankful for what I have. And most of the time it does work. But then something out of the blue will hit you so bad. Like what's happening to me now. But I'll be okay again. For now, I'll just let myself be sad. 

Pickle

Someone asked me a question that somehow annoyed me because the answer was obvious but of course, I had to analyze the situation as well because the person was under some kind of pressure. I can't help but be empathetic too. And good thing that person asked me first and not other people who might not be as nice about it. I sometimes want to be blunt as well because I did notice some things that person do that would place in a not-so-nice picture. I tried giving hints but I don't know, it seems like it doesn't get through. Oh, well, this shouldn't have been a problem if that thing didn't happen earlier this year. *sighs*

Canva

 Nephew asked to borrow my laptop for school. He only has a desktop computer at home. I was a bit hesitant because I only use my laptop at home basically functioning as desktop for me too! But he needs it so I allowed it of course.  I hope he doesn't break it or something but he's 16 and more techie than me so I should learn to relax!

Choice

 One of the dubbing projects we worked on is now streaming and I'm thrilled to finally see it. I even promoted it on an online forum. I know it will get some of the usual "why won't people watch the original version" and while there's a good point there in being immersed totally in the original form of art let's also take into consideration those who are not accustomed to reading subtitles, either they can't concentrate reading while watching or they have issues with their eyesight. The option to watch a dubbed version in the language they are comfortable with can attract people who otherwise won't watch it. So if having a dubbed version helps expand their reach then that is ultimately a good thing.

100

 100 Days to go before Christmas! It's a cliche to say this but yeah it's just not the same when you're older but still hoping for good and jolly days ahead.It's not realistic I guess because there will always be curveballs in life but I gotta keep the faith because living in such gloomy mood is just not the way to live life. 

Agent

 Another unnecessary cause of stress. Never changes. But I need to stay stable nd not making things even more horrible. I'm so sick of it but I have to accept that this is my life. 

Last Minute

 I just focused on something for entertainment today!  I still have something to finish though but I'll just do it tomorrow hopefully I don't mess it up!

Gen11

I'm hooking on the new season of PBB! I miss PEx even more now! Even in the declining years, it was still a good place to discuss the show, the posters could do insightful and funny posts withought taking this too personally. I did post on the PBB subreddit, it's not the same but the next best thing because social media is too chaotic for PBB!

2 More Weeks

 The thing I was worrying about got delayed. Mixed feeling. But now I will take it one day at a time. If not, I will drown in anxiety which will just affect me more and the last thing I need right now is to fall apart. 

Vivir

 I feel restless right now. I can't focus. There are a lot of things worrying me now. I wanted to shake it off but it just keeps on bugging me. It's not good, I need to get that mojo back. I wish I didn't get distracted easily or intentionally distracting myself. I'm fervently praying for good news on all fronts. I know life isn't easy that way but fighting each day is exhausting to maintain. 

Wood Knocking

 I feel so paranoid, anxious, and very scared. I have a bad feeling and I can't shake it off. It's not the first time especially since I've been living in dread for quite some time now. I just try to relish whatever joy I could get. I hope to God that I'm wrong but still preparing myself because I need to be strong when my fear does actually happen. But please, no.

Machine

 I'm sad because one thing I was looking forward is very likely not happenining anymore. I mean, I was already told the chances were slim but I kept on hoping something will change and it will be happen. But time is ticking and nothing is happen. The window for it to become a possibility is closing in. I'm sad. That thing really made me happy. 

Sheep

Glad I was able to finish things ahead of what I was expecting. There's still more but taking a breather now before I go back to doing stuff! I really need to keep my focus on it because when I'm on it, I really get things on fire! OK, hoping for good things ahead!

Occasion

Today's theme is powering through. Still a long way to go but I need to settle this today because I have another thing to do tomorrow! Again, I could have a breathing space if I didn't get too lazy for a couple o days but here we are! Let's do it!

Photographer

Catching up mode now. After doing things well last week, I'm back to my messy self! Well, two days were kind of wasted but it was a bit out of my control. Just a bit because I do need to take accountability for some of my actions that led med here now. Anyway, I can do this!

37

 37 today. Thank you sa lahat ng bumati. My birthday is the same as the last couple of years, good health and safety for me and my loved ones. As I grow older, I still discover many things about myself, and while sometimes I feel like I'm still that twenty-something with so much in mind, I know I'm quite different now and my perspective has changed. One thing is for sure though, I now know what to value and what things are, in the grand scheme of things, inconsequential.

Rays

It's been rainy the past four days and it kinda messed up some of the things I needed to do. And now I have to work around again, so much stuff, in so little time. But I could have prevented it if I hadn't been distracted. But it's fine, I'll make it work. Hoping for good weather tomorrow. And for a ray of sunshine as well. In more ways than one.

All the ways

 I'm getting nervous again for something imminent but just like what I said to a co-worker earlier who shared with me how he is struggling with his personal life, we really have no choice but to hang on and take one day at a time. I don't think I'm the person to give advice to but I just said what I feel is the right thing to say.  It's really hard dealing with things like this but giving up doesn't solve anything anyway, the problems will still be there. I always pray to God to give me strength in all aspects of my life so I can continue to forge on. 

Talker

 One of the things I like watching now is video essays on YouTube mostly on personal experience or analysis of pop culture stuff. I like it when it is well-researched and not just them stating opinions presenting it as fact!  I like it also if they are eloquent and a good sense of humor is nice too! I wish I could be like that but I'm too messy to be that coherent in presenting my thoughts!

Bag

 A relatively okay day and people will find an excuse to stir drama. I'm so sick of it. But I know it's gonna happen over and over again. No matter how hard I try to diffuse the situation, try to prevent it from happening from the start but I just have to accept some people are just like that, they just prefer to  cater to whatever issue they have in the world than maintain peace. I'm trapped.