Invitation

 So I received from one of the officers of the current team of my beloved Heraldo Filipino. They're inviting me to be a guest speaker at their year-start activity. Of course, I said yes! I would love to visit my school again, the last time I was there was over a decade ago when I was again invited by the HF EB then to be a panelist for their EB application interview. It's also a nice touch because it was 2005 when I was accepted by HF so 2 decades later I will be a guest to a whole new generation of idealistics campus journalist! It makes my heart smile. I'm not an eloquent person but I will try my best to impart how HF has become instrutmental on how I became as an adult navigating the real world. 

AD

I've been doing audio description writing for some streaming movies lately and it's quite fascinating. It's a feature I didn't know existed until I learned it on my job about two years ago. I now find myself turning audio description features more frequently, first to study how they are written but I'm actually digging it now and it enhances my viewing experience. I've been a dubbing/ADR writer for more than a decade already so nice to have another writing skill that watching TV/movie is needed!

Amor

I'm so happy that after nearly two months, we will be fed! It's still not the ideal amount to keep things in a safer zone, but definitely better than the dry spell for nearly 2 months. Thank you Lord and please keep them coming!

Wrong Send

It was so weird that I suddenly felt something emotional then apparently there was something that happened almost at the same time when I felt it that is actually connected to it.  It was a surprise discovery really and I was really upset. But I composed myself and didn't tell anyone. It's not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Now I think I'm okay. There's just a lot of stressful things bugging my mind and hopefully I will get over this phase soon.

Gaps

Nothing again. 

Next day awaits.

But now spiralling internally. 

So many contingency plans in my head. 

So many I would do things differently 

So many wishes and regrets.

A tinge of reproachments too

I know it's unjustified though.

So I keep all those thoughts in.

It will be a recurrence

Until I feel secure and safe.

When....

Nothing again. It really sucks. Maybe tomorrow. 

Just Keep Moving

Hoping this would be the week where we receive some good news. It has been such a struggle mentally speaking to handle all these worries and uncertainty but I kept on moving along. But really, please let it be this week!

Facts First

 I first knew of Christian Esguerra when I attended UST's campus journalism workshop INKBLOTS nearly 20 years ago and he was one of the speakers. Then and until now one of my favorite journalists! I

5k

 Not exactly a good month, although I always remind myself that I had far worse experiences around this time in recent years to keep things in perspective. But it has been a struggle; it's so hard to be happy

I tried so hard....

 Falling into nostalgia rabbit holes again on YouTube! Always bittersweet, trying my best not to be that sad because of feeling things! But I guess it's okay to have an outlet to let those feelings be out there. I always try to bury those feelings inside. I just can't be paralyzed with these thoughts. I just can't. And I know I feel these things because of external factors. Hopefully, things will brighten up soon. I'm holding like always but I'm such a mess inside. 

408

 Day didn't go as planned.... or rather didn't go as hoped. But oh well, still had some moments when I escaped from the usual. Made me feel a little nostalgic too. And you know with nostalgia comes a tinge of sadness. Anyway, back to the grind tomorrow. 

Next Page

I bought a book after a year! This is the sequel to the Three Body Problem book that I really loved and it says something because I'm not really into sci-fi but this one just grabbed my attention. With Three Body Problem, I saw the TV show first so I have an idea already when I was reading but this sequel I know nothing about so excite to dive in!

 

It's Okay!

 Glad to have something on the horizon to look forward to now! I still want more of course but nonetheless this is a good start. Now, I kinda worry that things could will be overwhelming next month but that's a good problem than what we have been subjected to the past few weeks of barely walking. Still praying hard for more to come especially as the 4th quarter is coming near, we badly need it!

Openings

 There's some pathways I saw today but there's still worry about them actually becoming a thing and if it does become a thing it could be chaotic and disorganized but I still it willl push through because it is so much needed and whatever obstacles that we could face, let's just cross the bridge when we get there and find solutions because now more than ever we needed something, anything to keep things afloat. T.H.E.S.T.R.U.G.G.L.E

Give Thanks

 Oh Dear Lord, I admit when I am overwhelmed with stressful stuff I do tend to neglect the good things happening and blessing and today I was reminded of how things could have been so much worse and thank you God for guiding my family and keeping them away from harm. I will strive my best not to forget this whenever I face uncertain stressful moments. 

Leanne

 I watched this new sitcom on Netflix - Leanne. It's from the same team who did my other sitcoms faves Mom, Bob Hearsts Abishola and the Sheldonverse. It's not as  funny as those shows yet but it has a good heartwarming and comforting feel to it. I enjoyed binging it today. I hope it gets a season 2 but if it doesn't the end was quite nice already. 

Floats

 Another about to end with so many questions in my mind. So many lingering thoughts that really scare me. I'm really hoping and praying that next week will bring in good news because it has been so difficult struggling to stay positive. 

Enfeoffed

This has been the longest drought and I'm really stressed about it. I still get to do stuff but it's not enough. This task I made for myself I was able to stretch it for a few more days so I have something to do but it's really making me sad that we are struggling at the moment. It sucks so bad. :(

Unexpected

It has been quite the struggle lately so to finally receive some good news just moments ago is such an euphoric feeling. And it came out of nowhere. Something that we have forgotte already because it seems like a loss cause but well we were in for a surprise. Thank you Lord, it just came in at the right time!

Flows

 The dry spell continues. So frustrating but there's always glimmer of hope. And I hold on to that. I'm also glad I got another day to fix some things with this one I was working on but started late because it is kinda boring but this is all I've got for now. Hopefully, more things will come soon.

Bits

 It is getting depressing! We are still not receiving stuff that will make things secure. I'm very worried that while I do get things done, I feel like I'm not giving my best capacity because of this cloud over my head. Oh dear Lord, please give us some good news soon.

Should've

A "what if I was there" situation. I hate that I saw that because I feel more envious than ever. Although the truth is, that's not really my line of interest but with my current struggle I should have let this stupid passion rule my head and tried to expand my horizon for better opportunities. Now I'm stuck with something that makes he happy but also makes me incredibly frustrated with how unstable it is. 

Get 'Em

 Since I've been a little messed up the past weeks I tried to avoid things that will give me unneccessary and shallow stress! I failed at the start because I was leading into another of those but good thing I scaled back past before it annoys me too much. I need to control my impulse sometimes, or maybe most of the time!

Cycle

 Dealing with so many problems and trying to put a brave face on. I am so exhausted. I will try to make an escape and check out because thinking about the many things that bother me is just overwhelming. Endless worries. Endless anxieties. Endless stress. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. I am lost. Lord, please guide me and the people I hold dear. 

Deli

 I was so worried of so many things but after talking it out it was not that horrible afterall and realize some of your gut feel was right all along. That's why sometimes it is need to clarify things head on and not torture yourself with assumptions. 

Signals

Sometimes I wish I didn't know much but it's still a good thing that I know enough so I will be conscious enough of my surroundings and the current status. It is a tricky situation because I know the practical side but also the more emotional, human side that makes things complicated. I'm a bit glad I'm not really the one in position to make big calls because it's a tough one!

Well

 Finished with one thing and now back to emptiness! I hope more stuff will come our way soon. This situation is stressing me out as I fear for a lot of things. While there some blessings today, I'm already worried sick of the future when the well runs dry. God forbid. Oh dear Lord, please hear my prayers and have good news come to us soon. 

Biscuits

 I always try to remind myself that things could get so much worse whenever I feel so frustrated with so many aspects of my life, but there are just simply moments in life when it is just so hard to keep a straight face with so many UNNECESSARY annoyance in life. I'm just really tired dealing with so many things that should not be a problem in the first place. But I really have no choice but deal with it because no one else would step up and take care of things.

Water

 Oh well, instead of just taking things calmly, you go overdrive and make things more complicated than it should be. Always complaining, always finding faults. You simply don't want peace of mind and just want to seek stress all the time. You will never change. I'm so tired of it but I have no choice anyway but deal with all your whining, ranting and meltdowns. I will just try my best to be numb. 

Embrace

 A bit of sigh of relief now with two things coming in so next week won't be a complete waster of resources. One of the most worried I've been in the past couple of years but still hoping for something with a longer leash. Hopefully, it comes soon enough

Hard to Be Happy

Matchbox 20's Rob Thomas has a new song, and how apt it is at this point in my life!

Some days get hold of me

Sometimes it’s hard to just be happy

And I could try

Don’t seem no use to me

Sometimes it’s hard to just be happy