Lukewarm

 So today the first COVID vaccines finally arrived in the country. But it's the least desirable brand with only 50% effectivity. Not surprised so many are hesitant about it at all. But it also sucks that there's a lot f fear with vaccines right now in general. Likely an effect of the the Dengvaxia issue that had misinformation and fear mongering surrounding it. I grew up with the late DOH Secretary Juan Flavier and he really a very effective information drive to encourage people for vaccines that reached even the remote areas. It sucks that all the hard work he did had been tarnished with the general public's fear of vaccines right now. Of course it does not help that a questionable vaccine brand is the one that got here, way to intensify the anxiety!

Distract

 Back on Netflix lately to watch films with Oscar buzz and some shows too. Last time I was on Netflix was last April in the middle of the hard lockdown. Another reason I went to Netflix as well because my brother was curious with the Korean drama Crash Landing on You after finding out the story involves North Korea because he is fascinated with that country's mystery, so I lent my account to him. He got laid off recently so he's been at home lately and I've noticed he watches a lot of political stuff on YouTube which really gets him mad which I can't blame him really given how frustration the situation is. So yeah when he mentioned about his interest about the show so I though this is a good way to give him a nice distraction from everything. He actually enjoyed the  show and binged it in three days. He's watching various stuff on Netflix which is good although he is still into current politics but at least it does not consume him that much like before. 

1/3

 Today our salary was given in cash instead of ATM due to some technical issues with the bank. And having my salary in physical form is a different experience. I did a literal budget separated the paper bills to three groups: savings, house expenses, cash on hand. I allocated 1/3 each and it depressed me a little because money is so hard and I really have little room for extra cash. Of course, I'm thankful to have a job in this time but still I can't help but feel so insecure about my financial state. I hate this feeling so much,

35

So today is the EDSA People Power 35th Anniversary and I'm so sad that the memory of that historical moment feels like an afterthought now and some even degraded it. I can't believe that a time like this would happen in my lifetime. When will this madness end?

Fast and Slow

 February is ending this week and here comes March which also signals the first anniversary when COVID19 was pronounced a pandemic and lockdowns begin all over the world.  How could time fly so fast and yet it feels so painfully slow. There's still a lot of mess around vaccines and when and how to open the economy. Then what's really annoying that hey politicking is still pretty present, unwavering. So frustrating really and that I really just want to avoid the news altogether but you need to be informed so yeah just have to control what type of news can consume you and not let it drag everything down. But man it's just so hard. 

Bare

 Something I was putting off I finally made the move today and it wasn't what I hoped for. I got heartbroken but I prepared myself for that turnout eventually. However, a twist of events led me to actually getting something else and at the same time, I was able to open up all these pent-up emotions I've been storing inside me for weeks... for months. It was embarrassing but it felt good to speak it all out. Thank you.

Again and Again

I don't know if this is because of this never ending pandemic and political problems but I just feel so down lately again. I continue to worry about a lot of things to from national concerns to personal problems. I wish it stops because it's quite hard to deal with it on a constant basis while pretending in front of other people that everything's OK. There's just a lot things that remind how everything is right now. How our lives have changed so much. And how it can never be the same again.

Damaged Souls

 As we near the anniversary when the community quarantine order was announced, the more I feel really sad. One year and things just got worse. Somehow it feels like time flies but at the same time everything moves so slowly. Our lives permanently changed. One or way another, we will never come out of this the same people we were before everything went to hell!

Dash

 Went to the grocery with Nanay today and there were barely any people. In a way it's relaxing and those early lockdown days where going to the grocery felt like going to war is long gone. But still it made me think if partly the reason with the lack of people earlier is that people are just struggling right now. We are less than a month away from the 1st year anniversary of the ECQ. Time flies but everything feels so slow. The vaccine rollout is quite messy so another thing to get stresses about really. Is this what it feels like to live in a historical moment. There are so many things I have learned from this but I can't feel at ease because of the uncertainty and general lack of proper guidance and trustworthy leadership. 

Foresight

 Today there was a decision made for the future and while it is needed, I felt pressured and of course for the inevitable but I don't want to happen anytime soon. I don't know why I always think of the bad implications first even if there's a positive direction behind this particular decision. With these decisions as well, I need to be more proactive as well and accept and handle more adult decisions. I'm 33 for crying out loud so it's overdue really but I just feel like I can't handle what lies ahead. I'm just scared of the future but I should change that attitude and be braver. Dear Lord please guide me and my family. 

Knock

 I want to make one move that could help things improve but I can't shake off the feeling of fear and thus keeping me from making the first step. I keep delaying what I should have done long ago. I fear rejection. I fear the spotlight would be put on me when I want to stay as private as possible. But I badly the door that this thing will open if I can be just brave enough to knock. 

Decline

 According to WHO, the GLOBAL  number of new coronavirus cases has declined by 16 percent  and the number of deaths declined by 10% too! This is a promising development and I hope the downward trend continues. This is giving me hope that maybe by the end of the year a semblance of the old normal will return. Please oh dear Lord, let this be the start of the end of this nightmare. 

Snippets 11

 - Cinema reopening in Metro Manila is on hold due to concerns by the mayors. It sucks but I get it and I do hope they find the right measures so the cinemas can open safely like in the provinces. I really want this industry to survive, streaming is great and accessible but also prone to piracy so there's that. 

- Tomorrow is my sister's birthday and of course my birthday wish/prayer is good health after the medical concerns she had early this year. 

-Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the lenten season is here. Last year's Lent fell in the middle of the strict lockdown and it was such an eerie feeling especially during Maundy Thursday and Good Friday our subdivision went on full lockdown. Now it's almost a year later. It's not as strict anymore but still nowhere near the old normal. And we don't know for how long

Off

Today started a little rough then it didn't help my toothache is back! At work I drank paracetamol to relieve the pain but the effect is I got sleepy! It was so hard to work while fighting off antok! Of course rhere are things that annoyed me throughout the day as well. It was an off day. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

Scary thoughts

 My father had a dream last night about his departed siblings. He said it seems like they wanted to take him too. He got scared of course and we told to him to relax and don't think negatively. Admittedly, I got scared too but I didn't want to show it and I shifted topics because I don't want him to dwell on those thoughts. However, my mother got scared and she manifested it by being irritated at my father, telling him he should have a check up if he is feeling something off and stop thinking negative thoughts. It was quite stressful to be honest. I know my father is just feeling sad after losing his 3 brothers in a year. That's something he won't be able to move on easily especially the death of his youngest brother because it was so unexpected and we saw him suffer so much. It still makes me cry when I think about it so what more Tatay? Dear Lord please guide him at all times. 

Next Picture

 Cinemas in NCR are finally allowed to open! Looking forward to see what releases will be in play. Whule there were cinemas open in provinces since last quarter of 2020, there were no major releases as the top marker - Metro Manila - is not open. I understand there are still health concerns but as far as I know there's no reported outbreak anywhere in the world where cinemas are open and for sure protocols will be strictly enforced so theaters deserve to get a chance to regain business. I wish them well! 

Sixteen

I've been blogging for everyday now and I STILL forgot this blog's anniversary last February 4! SIXTEEN YEARS. This blog has existed for so long. I've neglected for years but I made a comeback last year and it helped me cope with the anxiety of the pandemic. It's just so cathartic. Thank you  Google for keeping Blogspot still alive all these years haha!

Anyway, thank you who maybe reading this :)

Productivity

 I had very busy day at work because tomorrow is a holiday (Chinese New Year. Why it became a holiday here I dunno haha!). I can't believe I did 10 program grids, cut-to-cut video editing for 20 episodes and quality check for 5 episodes all in one day. But good thing actually that the bosses told me I could ask for help from the special projects who are currently in between projects so at least my burden was lessened. But I love being busy today, it felt like I was back in the pre-pandemic times. I also didn't have the time to linger on thoughts that upset me lately. 

Hanging

I was reminded how one of my concerns is far from over. It was tough but I need to deal with the reality of life. I don't know for how long can I endure facing this matter. Everything is up in the air. It's hard not to lose hope, It's hard not to feel defeated. It's hard not feel the anger that's brewing inside of me. Why did this have to happen? Why do they always win? Why are they empowered? I'm terrified of what the future awaits. 

Product of Its Time

 

So yeah I watched another Digital Premiere of a Restored Filipino film earlier tonight! And just like time, it's a movie before I was born Tinimbang Ang Langit in 1982. This is a more commercial movie, so think of Viva/Regal movies of this era. It's light drama about romance and music. To be honest, I wasn't really captivated  by the story but I enjoyed it because I love seeing how contemporary 1982 looked like in clear resolution! The use of phones, the dialogue and I was also fascinated by how some aspects felt like it hasn't changed today. There was one though that clearly wouldn't fly today! There was a song featured here with a title "Try a Little Suicide" and to be fair the song is not really advocating suicide but it's a metaphor about taking a risk. The song is actually good but with that title, nope! It's not just about being politically correct but also sensitivity. But can't blame the songwriter and the movie though because back then it was just different context. That's what I love about seeing movies likes this set in the past, you'll have learnings along the way. 

Peaceful Trip

 Today I found out my original shuttle ride driver Kuya Rems passed away. I knew he was sick that's why he stopped his shuttle services but I didn't expect he will leave us soon. Life is so fragile. Rest in Peace Kuya Rems, thank you for safely driving us your passengers for all these years. I will never forget you.

LDR

 My brother went to our province Bohol today to be with his wife as they haven't seen in each other in over a year due to the pandemic. Currently, he is in quarantine in the LGU where they live in Bohol. After that he will stay there for a few more weeks before going back here because of his work. But I do think eventually my brother will reside in Bohol for good to be with his wife because I don't think my sister in law will leave there as honestly she has the more stable job right now while my brother's company is not in good shape. Plus they should be together raising their own family together. I really hope they'll have their own kid soon because my brother will definitely be a good father as he is a caring brother, son , husband and friend. I want to have another nephew or niece too! I'm glad though their year apart together is over now because love is hard to maintain when you are not together physically. 

Mercedes!

 Our company did the dubbing for this and I'm part of the team working on this as the Quality Checker. One thing I can say for sure is that iba talaga charisma ni Thalia. Whille previewing the episodes, I can't but for her charms here. Anyway, this is a good project for the company and glad to be part of it!

Red Lights, Stop Signs

 The current #1 on various international charts and I'm loving this song. The bridge is my favorite, there's just something that's captivating from it. I know there's Gen Z love triangle behind this song which probably helped this song gain buzz but the song is simply good that it wasn't just a one week wonder. It shows how music can be an effective storyteller.  I heard this song on the radio for the first time this week and it's sound so good there. Anyway, here's Olivia Rodrigo's first live TV performance of this song and she did really great, amazing vocals. She has so much potential at 17.

Unfulfilled

. Am I just tired? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? I don't for know sure what the answer is. I just feel... empty. I wish I could achieve some I can be so proud of anytime soon. I'm probably in one of the lowest points of my life. Work keeps my mind busy where I do a lot of things right now. But the problem is the time I spent commuting because there's a lull and listening to music or podcast does not do the trick anymore. In that amount of time, I ponder on a lot of things and go to unpleasant phases. It's a recurring feeling I've pre-pandemic and now it's even harder because the pandemic just things so much complicated. I worry about the future. I feel so tense about the present. I feel so much regrets about the past. Horrible. Just plain horrible.

Microcosm

 So on tonight's PBB episode, this guy housemate started to act coldly to a girl housemate because he does not feel comfortable with the housemates teasing them. That I could understand but he went on and said a very problematic statement where he dissed the girl's looks. Later on the two had the chance to talk but I honestly didn't feel that he truly understood what's problematic with his behavior and instead made it about himself in the end. What I saw triggered me because I felt like there are lot of people like him out there who don't have awareness on what's wrong with their behavior and mindset. And that's dangerous. On a grander level, we are in this quite messy situation because many people behave like that.  PBB in general is a fluffy reality show but a moment like that is what draws me into the show 15 years in. Once in awhile, there's an incident that would really make me things on a deeper level. 

Familiar

 One of my longtime and closest co-worker went back to the office today after working from home for half a year. She's back working at the office fulltime now because thankfully we have a lot of projects now and she's needed to be in the office due to logistics of the project. We had a good catching up earlier too because we haven't seen each other in months! My video editor also dropped by today. He also works remotely because he went back home in Tarlac when the lockdown began . He is in NCR this week due to processing of her documents abroad (where his mother petitioned him) and decided to go to the office today to work. It's good to see him again and be able to instruct him in person in some of the tasks that was honestly hard to work out online. It's still different when you get to see the people you work with in person. Today is still far from normal but familiar, I'll take it. 

Lousy

 I feel off again today. It's a combination of frustrations on so many things in my life right now. Plus, the never ending despair I feel for the country. Earlier, I saw this news feature of struggling small time businesses in Cebu and one vendor said that she cries everyday with the low sales and my heart broke.  And then another news feature mentioned a statement from a WHO official saying that life won't truly return to normal until after 2 years. Oh my God.