Surviving So Far

Just like that, we are enting the last quarter of 2022! Well, so far this year has been a rollercoaster ride! I'm still so nervous about what lies ahead but the present looks good and I hope it can stay that way and that there will be no more major setbacks. I'm grateful though that for all the negative pits I fell into, I still find myself climbing. Some major happened, and some didn't and very thankful for that.  Praying hard each day that brighter days ahead despite a dark cloud looming. 

No Echo

Ever since that month I've been trying to disengage really because truth be told I just feel hopeless that things will still turn out for the better anytime soon. I know there are a good amount who doesn't feel it was legit support but when you are on the ground and interact with regular people, you will know what the pulse truly is. It's disheartening but what can we do? I try not to think about it anymore because unpleasant thoughts come into my head and it's not a good feeling at all. I'm dealing with so many personal things already that  I can't add that up one on my list of worries. 

On Deck

I have three dubbing scripts to finish in the coming days. Three different shows as well. An Asian historical drama, then Mexican telenovela, and an American youth comedy. I really want to do the comedy first because it's shorter and just sounds more fun to do but I think I will do the tougher script which is the historical drama. I previewed it and there are scenes of war so not as much dialogue as heavy as let's say the Mexican soap or tricky to write with all the  Gen Z pop culture jokes for the American comedy. Glad to be continually busy. I was busy the past few doings doing my channel duties and quality checking for dubbing. I need to finish some stuff tomorrow so I can have the night cleared to start writing! I feel quite messy these days with all the worries personally and then the mistake of caring so much about what's happening in the country and the world. Those are things I have no control over anyway. I want to completely check out from that because my personal life is already too much but sometimes I can't help it but still care despite trying to be this apathetic person.  So getting lost in the world for the dubbing scripts I write really helps me a lot to be honest. I watch TV while earning from it so that's nice!

Delete

 Because of someone's carelessness, I have to stop doing something I really like doing. While I do think what that person did is not comparable to it but just to be safe we have to cover all our bases. It's a bummer because I liked doing it to feel good about myself. But it really is on the surface just a shallow thing so it's fine. 

Need

Another restless night is upon us. I need to be at my best to not make things worst. I have to be the source of confidence despite me losing all hope inside but I can't let this energy affect them. It's really difficult mentally speaking. But I need to be strong

Karding

 It's the calm before the storm. There's a looming supertyphoon coming and while right now it is still just gloomy here, the reports are very alarming and frankly scary as well. Around this time, superthyphoons are quite prevalents. Milenyo. Ondoy.  I hope this one won't be as scary as those two. 

Time

 Balancing things I need to do this weekend is extra tricky. Like what do I prioritize first? I did realized that I neglected one major thing in my life because I've been so preoccupied in front of my laptop all the time. So now I allocated good enough time for that so it won't be neglected anymore. Of course I do a lot of things in service for them but you need to spend time as well to just talk things that are not about the immediate concerns. 

Still...

 Today's my uncle's birthday. He would have turned 58 today. Two years later, I still feel sad that we lost him so soon. And truth to be told, I still think it's so unfair he passed away with so much life left in him. But life is just unpredictable. His death and the months-long struggle before he left are something until now left a big mark on me. I was there during his last breath. Tito Romy, Happy Birthday up there. We miss you so much

Trying

 Another stressful night dealing with things that happens so many times that I don't really know how to handle it anymore. Trying to stay calm as possible. Trying to be in control of everything. Trying not to let fears take over. Trying not to lose hope.

Foresight

 So I'm finally going to do something that relates to finances that I should have done when I was in my 20s but I didn't do it because well I simply can't afford it and also lacks confidence as well. But this time I found a package that's ideal for me and a person I fully tryst. Plus thank heaven somehow I  can make it work with the opportunity I've had this years.  The past 2 years has taught me a lot really and while it's a little bit late to do so, at least the ideal time, it's still not that late to do something now that can protect me in the future. 

Games

I'm currently working on a dubbing script for the finale of a show that is yet to be released. It is over one hour and there are very long and complicated lines to translate! But for what it's worth I'm having fun translating it despite being so difficult to do. I'm really conscious because I don't want to mess this up where the dubbers will have a hard time acting it out. So I really have to be careful but also be creative as well! I worked hard earlier to finish some of my key channel duties so I can have the time and energy to do this script! But I'm really excited when this finally comes out and I will so brag this :D

Underdog

 I'm feeling a little positive after some good news. While I'm fully aware of the many faults, I'm already too emotionally attached to this already that I'm rooting for redemption soon. Despite everything that has happened, I've always felt that there's sincerity to change things for the better. It's sad that for some it's a little late because some have to be let go or got fed and left but at least maybe what we have currently can be stable for years to come. And I do hope those who left (a lot with justified reasons) can open their hearts to us again

Tested

 When everything feels stable somewhat there's that recurring test of patience again. On how much I can endure what was before. And I admit I don't do a good job handling it with grace and patience. I always get consumed by despair and frustration so I commit the same mistakes again and I will end up feeling guilty about it. I keep reminding myself that this is better than the worst-case scenario where we already  had a taste of it multiple times just in the past weeks. It is absolutely exhausting 

Perhaps

 I think I now know what to do when an incident like that happens again. Hopefully, my hunch is right and that I will always have the patience and strength to handle it. It won't be easy and requires a lot of me but hey this is still so much a better option than what I've been fearing

Stresses

So I sort of snapped again because of the stress of the situation but good thing I realized that I was wrong and tried to rectify that mistake by doing something that could hopefully ease up the tension. I really hope it does. I'm so stressed again but trying to be as relaxed as possible. I need to be for the better good.

Fruits

A good day today as it is the time when I get what I deserve because of the hard work I've been doing! I'm usually a self-deprecating person but when it comes to this matter I'm so proud of the work I do fo because I really gave my all. When I finally had to do all of this I really made sure I will do a good job about this because I'm making up for the lost time when I wasn't able to do this because of outside factors and also my own inhibitions. All the struggles I've had this year at least I have this one that really makes me happy and where I get reward for the hard work I do. 

Mixed

 Just as expected, things really don't look good as earlier perceived. Another cause of alarm. I'm so exhausted and I also feel awful that I feel so frustrated. For now, everything's okay again but there's always that lingering thought of until when? It's so terrible to feel this way and I need every courage I can muster to face this each passing day.

Hold

 So it wasn't my worst fear but trying to contain happiness because what if this is a red herring? What if we are being misguided? Right now the usual sign of discomfort is there so I have to be mindful of what i I feel, of what to expect because complacency is  dangerous

Wish It Wasn't

 Well, it has begun and tomorrow it will be confirmed. I'm afraid. I need to keep myself together for what will happen tomorrow. Maybe I'm just thinking so negatively yet again. But the signs are there, one can't miss it. Or maybe I'm overthinking things like I usually do. But I can't contain this nagging feeling I have. 

Ticking

 Knowing what I know, or what I think I know, is honestly so hard. When something is something positive I'm holding back because of that. I can't be fully happy about it because of what's gonna happen next. I really hope my pessimism will not manifest into the truth but I just can't help but feel that it is. I'm trying to think how I will handle this. I don't want to add panic but I don't want to encourage false hopes. I have this idealized situation but not really ideal because it is what I feel is the most comfortable option in an undesirable situation which isn't good news. I'm just trying to cope earlier with what's coming.  But can't it no be true for once? Please.

It is..

 ... what it is. While I prepared for a result like this, it still stresses me out. But there's really nothing I can do anymore but just wait and see. I need to appear to be strong despite breaking inside each day. Just temporary reprieves but the inevitable will come soon enough. I try not to think about it but what I can do really? The thoughts will always cross my mind. I don't want to give up but fighting is hard. I'm ashamed of how many times I think that it would be easier if it just happens. But I know it's just the exhausted me talking and I don't really mean it. But still, it hurts so much when I think of the gloomy picture. The best that I can really do is just not be an added problem. To appear to be stable and calm despite everything chaotic going on inside my mind. 

401

 Just finished writing this dubbing script for a teen sitcom! I love writing for it because I love comedies. It's so fun working on this one that I found myself laughing every now than while I was translating/writing. Although I admit it was a challenge to localize some of the jokes, especially the sex jokes. I mean direct translation would just sound crass and is not the intended type of humor! Hopefully, I was able to pull this off and the dubbers would have a blast delivering my translated jokes and puns!

Easy Choice

 Yeah, whatever I was thinking of doing tomorrow will have to take the backseat. Priorities first. Yeah in a way it sucks I don't have the luxury to do things that I really want but my rational self won. This is just a more important thing. I have to look after their welfare. It needs to be done. 

Will or Will Not

 I have something on Friday that I'm not sure if I'll pursue or not. It's not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things but it's something in line with my interest and something I haven't done since well pre-pandemic times. But there's a conflict if I pursue which if I think more about it's something workable but I will just face things that will be frankly a hassle. I have whole day to think about what I should do, go do it and have some fun or be safe and practical

Palm

 So I've witnessed once again a reminder that things are still not okay. That my worst fears can still happen. Truth be told, I'm exhausted but I can't give up. 

Thirty Five

 35 today. Thank you to all those who greeted me. The one thing I'm trying to avoid as I grow older is romanticizing the past. I'm a sentimental person so it's not that easy but I've come to realize that nostalgia can sometimes cloud how you see things in the present and even the future too.  Don't get me wrong I think it's totally fine to have nostalgia trips every now and then but we do often fall into the trap of just remembering the "good highlights" and conveniently forgetting the not-so-good things. Sometimes what worked before is just not applicable today anymore. Learn from the past but also learn to adapt.

Mid 30s

 Turning 35 in a few hours and it's a mixed bag. Of course, happy I'm reaching this age generally OK! But of course, growing old always will make you think of how your life has been. I do feel my age now but sometimes there are moments where I feel I'm still not adult enough especially thinking where my parents/siblings were at this age. But you know what I'm glad I was able to overcome everything that I have been through especially the very tough last three years or so. I honestly don't what to feel and expect from life anymore. I just want things to be okay and less stressful moments in life. Of course that's impossible but let me dream for a moment. 

DRAMA

 Today I worked on the tagalized dubbing script for the final episode of a Korean show currently airing on local TV right now. This is not due for another two weeks but I love writing finale episodes and I requested the dubbing coordinator if I could write this one! I'm almost finished actually, just one scene left! It's a little tough because it's a long one stating a legal sentence! But really enjoyed writing this finale because I get to write overdramatic lines like "May nagmamay-ari ng puso at hindi ako yun" and "mas gugustuhin ko mawala siya sa piling ko kung mas sasaya siya na wala ako"! It's a melodrama so I have the license to write this way! I really enjoyed it a lot! 

Studios

 The new office shirt was released today! Our first one in many years. Our company has actually rebranded adding "studios" to its name hence a new shirt to reflect the change!

Ber

To be honest, I'm so over Jose Mari Chan jokes whenever September starts but I don't say it to anyone because you know I don't wanna be that person who thinks trivial things like that so seriously.  Yeah, let them have their fun I guess. But really the joke has run its course, just the same punchlines! Oh well, I do really hope this upcoming holiday season will be kind to us.