It is..

 ... what it is. While I prepared for a result like this, it still stresses me out. But there's really nothing I can do anymore but just wait and see. I need to appear to be strong despite breaking inside each day. Just temporary reprieves but the inevitable will come soon enough. I try not to think about it but what I can do really? The thoughts will always cross my mind. I don't want to give up but fighting is hard. I'm ashamed of how many times I think that it would be easier if it just happens. But I know it's just the exhausted me talking and I don't really mean it. But still, it hurts so much when I think of the gloomy picture. The best that I can really do is just not be an added problem. To appear to be stable and calm despite everything chaotic going on inside my mind.