Qs

 The announcement for the quarantine levels next month is that my province will stay in Modified General Community Quarantine but NCR still unchanged in GCQ. Honestly, there's not much difference between the two essentially these days. At least in the Mega Manila area. Everybody is trying to go back to the semblance of normalcy we had before. Traffic back is a testament to that.  But of course, it still isn't the same as the various closed establishments and the daily over 1K cases would remind you.  Anyway, on a personal interest level, I was hoping NCR will be downgraded for the sake of the cinemas. NCR still in GCQ means cinemas will still be closed and even if MGCQ areas can open their cinemas,  major movies won't still be shown without the biggest markets available. So yeah the chance of seeing Tenet in the cinema here is probably over. Wonder Woman 1984 is eyed for January 8 but a high-def pirated copy will be floating in the Internet by then as the movie will be out in streaming in the US  on Dec. 25 so yeah tough luck!

December na bukas!

Also, nine months of quarantine. 

Damn.

Limited

 My laptop's monitor had been flickering for over two years now but I didn't replace it because well - money reasons - and it is still workable but yesterday it has gotten quite worst that makes it extra hard to work on now. This laptop is just secondhand one I bought from an officemate over 5 years ago. I got it for cheap really and worked so well except for this monitor thing. Now I'm thinking if I should have it fixed or should I just buy another cheap one. It's quite hard because I have limited money to spare so I need to make the wise decision. Honestly, this just highlights how I don't earn strong enough and it makes me sad . I'm so insecure over finances really. I wish I had more but this isn't the year to complain about it because I'm so lucky to still have a job. I have savings of course but I'm so cautious about it that I don't want to spend a huge amount. But this could be the time I might need one. Still, I hate how this simple problem is  giving me such trouble. 

Stuck

 Traffic has been insane near our place! Yesterday, I had a smooth commute back home until we reached the road which normally is just a 5 minute drive away to our barangay but we got stuck for nearly an hour! I had to walk because I can no longer stand the traffic and I was hungry for dinner! Earlier today, we went out to buy medicines and there was traffic at 2PM on the same road! So unusual and annoying really! And we are still not in normal times, right? Just imagine if it was. 

Jolt

 I've been anticipating ABS-CBN's Christmas Station ID this year because of everything that happened in 2020, I was wondering if it can rekindle some Christmas spirit in me which I've been struggling lately. This week our office was already decorated and instead of bringing holiday cheers, it just made me feel sad. This year is just horrible that I can't muster the enthusiasm. Anyway, the lyric video was release and it brought me some smiles. I can't say I'm really in the holiday mood yet but listening to the song and reading the lyrics, it gave me at least some of jolt of happiness. It's a beautiful song, a hopeful one. That's what I need. 

 

Backlash

 A friend made a snarky tweet about a certain foreign music star and it caught the ire of the fanbase of that artist. His tweet went viral to the fandom and they went in droves to bash him on his twitter account. I've read some of the tweets and nasty stuff were said. My friend didn't delete his tweet about that artist but he went private and took some time off the social media platform. I asked him if he's okay and he said he is fine and he can laugh about it now but he admitted he got anxious too. I got anxious too just reading the attacks against him. Social media is such a nasty place sometimes. Even more so now. It takes a lot of mental power to handle that kind of nastiness. I personally won't be able to handle that kind  of online rage thrown at me so that's why I'm careful what I tweet these days especially I easily get anxious too. It makes me sad that the Internet that once was an escape to me feels so dangerous too. Oh life.

Emote

Ever since I watched this performance on ASAP last Sunday, this song has been on repeat. When I first heard it when it was released, I didn't leave that much mark on me but what an excellent live performance can do, eh? This song is so obviously emotional sometimes to a fault but then again it feels cathartic to listen to it! To be clear, I have no love issues similar to this song's story 😛 but Moira is such a good storyteller with her music really. It's immersive! 

Relief

 Accompanied my mother again for her check up regarding her thyroid nodules and we were so relieved that doctor has cleared her for any major disease and that she no longer needs medication for it as the lab results showed her thyroid function is back to normal. My mother was nervous before we went to the clinic so I was really cautious not to show I was nervous as well. Thank you Lord! It's been such a difficult year and just glad at least one worry on the medical side is over. Next month is my mother's routine blood chemistry tests for her diabetes management and praying for good results as well. 

Snippets 7

 Some routine thing for tomorrow that is making me worry a little. I think I should not be but this year just intensified my worries that I can't really be complacent. But please Lord, let us have some good news tomorrow/

***

I usually look forward to December because well the 13th Month Pay/Christmas Bonus but now I'm sure we will have both this year or just 13th Month. Of course, we would understand if it just the 13th Month pay given the year it was. I do feel like the company is in good shape, as best as one could hope for in this economy. I have one project though which fate is up in the air though. I was given a heads up that it could end in January. But not sure yet, there's still some pending matters that could change things. I hope this project continues but of course only if it makes financial sense for the company.

***

I have no more thoughts of leaving my job and the company. I feel blessed and grateful that this company really took care of us in this crisis. I may not have the salary I desire but at least I found a home here. 

It Continues...

 I've been reading news about the second wave of COVID19 in a lot of countries. Some went back or about to return to stricter lockdowns. Here in the Philippines, we have an average over 1K cases everyday, down from the usual 2K but still not a number where people can rest easy to say this is over. It's not. Although I've observed life here in our place is not as strict anymore. Shops don't require quarantine passes. When I went grocery yesterday I was the only one wearing the quarantine pass! It's not a requirement anymore actually but I still wore it because I got used to it and also to remind that this isn't over yet and I should not be complacent. The news of two pharmaceutical companies announcing that they have vaccine that had good effectivity results in the test trials at least gives us hope that by 2021 we can find the road to normalcy again. Of course mass manufacturing and distribution are another story but at least there's something to look forward to, one uncertainty over. But for now we should stay alert. The finish line is still far away but this won't be a never-ending leg now. 

Ice Cream

 Nutrition Month 1996! I was in Grade 3 and this was my first time to ever speak in front of a crowd. This costume was made by my sister's high school boyfriend, haha! He actually used to do a lot of my projects that needs art because he is a good artist! I saw this photo again just recently. Apparently, my sister was hiding our photo albums because his husband was looking for it one time because he is curious to see my sister's ex to tease her lol! Anyway, nice flashback to see this again. I was adorable when I was a kid haha! It also gave me some weird feeling of wanting to have my own mini me someday. I'm not sure if it's gonna happen if you ask me now but you'll never know

200th

 This is my 200th blog post this year! Yeah, this has become part of my routine now. I now feel compelled to write something each day. Anything really. Random ramblings and whatnot. It has helped me greatly to manage what I'm feeling. Especially this year, an unforgettable year. November is about to end and less than 40 days before Christmas. I still get anxious from time to time. I get paranoid still. I can't help it. I just pour my attention to work or distract myself with entertaining stuff. But I don't live in denial of course. You can't escape reality and you just have to deal with a lot of stuff head-on. It's just the way it needs to be. 

Calls

 I read someone's tweet that says you won't be able to change their minds if you call them names. I totally agree with it because even if you have a valid argument but insult them in the process. it will fall on deaf ears to that person because all they can remember are the insults. When you fight with negativity, then they fight back by ramping up the negativity even more. However, I can't blame those who are losing their cool because the level of crassness is just unbelievable. I wish I was an eloquent  guy where I can speak my mind with words that can actually make people ponder but I'm a mess so most of the time I just stay quiet or change topic whenever I encounter people in real life with a problematic opinion. I wish I can enlighten them nicely but really it's hard when some people are so used to crassness, aggressiveness and obnoxiousness already. That they feel the louder, the better. This is the difficult part of this era. Each day I'm so alarmed with what's happening especially the attitude of some people. I really don't like cancel culture because you just close doors without truly hearing each other's side and giving people benefit of the doubt.  What if you can change their mind? What if you can gain further insight why they stick with problematic belief? What if you are blinded by your biases/mindset as well? But those things are not happening right now because healthy discourse is dead. Can we ever have that back?

Cling

There was a meltdown last night and once again overshadowed the true issue. To the surprise of no one, course the cheerleaders and and enablers are doubling down on the negativity and turning things around to make them the "victim". So sick of this merry-go-round. I hope there's a silent majority out there. People like me who are so fed up but just not vocal both in real life and social media. I hope those people will be enough to lead a desirable change in the future. It can't be like this way for so long, right? There's got to be a breaking point that will result to an awakening. I want to continue to believe that there's still hope somehow even if it's so hard because you just feel that there's nothing changing.

Double Crisis

The heavy flooding in many provinces in the country were so depressing that I actually avoided watching the news  and also lessened my time in social media. Watching people suffer is just giving me indescribable feelings. While there's a lot of good thing going on social media like campaigns and calls for donation for those affected but there's a lot of anger too! Justified of course but still it just gives me anxiety. Then of course there's always the dirty side of politics in this even in time of crisis. I can't even fathom how some people act these days, still defending and giving excuses and the worst of it still demonizing those who criticize and turning the tables against them. That's what they are good at really. And sadly they still have clout. It's really frustrating how the discourse have turned to the past few years. I'm so sick and afraid that it will have an repairable damage in the long run. 

Lights

 Ayala Avenue Christmas Lights are now up! Back in the pre-pandemic days, this excites me because the lights are always a sight to see and makes everything so festive. Now, I won't be able to see the lights as I go home early now. Maybe it's for the better because maybe seeing the lights with so few people around will just trigger sadness yet again. No matter how beautiful the Christmas lights are, it just isn't the same anymore. 

Photo from Jeff Hernaez

Trip

I watched the TRIP TO QUIAPO series on iWant TFC site today and it's the TV adaptation of Ricky Lee's  book which has become the local scriptwriting bible. I saw copies back in college and I wanted to but but then backed down because I don't think I'll be ever script writer anyway. But after watching the TV series, it' rekindled something in me yet again. One takeaway I got from the series is the journey is more important than the journey. I could so relate when Ricky Lee said that many wants to be a writer but dislikes the actual process of writing. I'm daring to dream again really but of course having an actual output is a different thing. Who knows. I never thought I will blog again everyday but I did it again this year. But what this year thought me among things is that life is so uncertain that I need to stop putting things off because you'll never know what happens. 

Unnoticed

The images I saw of the heavy flooding in the Northern provinces left me shocked. The Typhoon Ulysses aftermath was focused on the damage in Marikina and Rizal that everyone was shocked when images, videos from citizens spread online last night and finally entered national news on how Cagayan province is in deep trouble with heavy flooding affecting a lot of towns, with families needing rescue. How can vital information such as this came in so late to mainstream and antional consciousness? This is so alarming. There's something truly broken right now.  

Unlucky

Friday the 13th! This day just reminded me of the last one which was in March. The last day of the "old normal". The next day the community quarantine was imposed and lives were put on hold.  Last Friday the 13th was the last time the office was full of many people. It was last time I saw a lot of co-workers too. Some are still working from home, some left. I went back to the office in July but up until now each time I pass by the empty cubicles, it makes me sad. 

It was also the last time that I saw the streets of Ayala busy.  Full of life. Even if the volume of vehicles increased and there's traffic again, there's still a kind of silence that's deafening. That day was also the last time I saw my favorite eatery near the office open. Now, there's a FOR LEASE sign in front of it. I also remember, planning on that day to take a leave to attend my nephew's elementary graduation scheduled later that month. It was cancelled and we didn't see my nephew on stage to deliver his valedictory speech. 

People often say to be extra careful when it's Friday the 13th because bad luck could happen. But nearly everyday since that day in March feels like Friday the 13th anyway.

Off Guard

 So Typhoon Ulysses brought bigger damage than expected. In places like Marikina and Rizal, the floods were so huge that many people were stranded in their homes and for some on their rooftops! Here in our area, there was a brownout from 2AM and last until 930 AM. I was in deep sleep during the peak of the typhoon but I woke up around 4AM with the strong winds slamming the windows and doors. Quite scary, I woke up around 8AM and while it was still raining, it was a lot calmer. Thank God, our place didn't get hit badly. Watching the news and I was so sad to see how so many areas got hit pretty badly. Seems like a lot of people didn't expect that this typhoon will be this bad. There were warning but it was not on the same level of awareness Rolly had, there was a sense of dread during the briefings. 

This news report caught my attention because of the interview of the mayor. His voice was somber and he almost cried. You could see how sad he feels for all those fishermen whose livelihood is in jeopardy

Empathy. It doesn't take that much to emphasize but sadly there are people who have other priorities in this crisis. Not surprised anymore but  I hope the narrative changes soon.

Another Day, Another Typhoon.

Today we are hit by Typhoon Ulysses. Signal #3 in Mega Manila. All day it was raining in Makati but soft rains so I didn't think it will be that hard but on my way home, the raindrops are harder. When I step off the van, the winds were strong and almost broke my umbrella. I've decided to work from home tomorrow instead to stay safe and frankly commuting is a hassle when it is raining.  As I type this, it is still raining with strong winds! Hopefully, there won't be a brownout. I feel for Albay and nearby provinces who were ravaged by Typhoon Rolly just recently and now another typhoon is upon us. While forecast say this isn't super typhoon but still it just making life so hard for a lot of people right now especially now in a pandemic. *sighs*

New Screen

 Over the weekend, we purchased a Smart TV and everybody at the house is excited! Our old boxset TV in the living room wouldn't open and instead of having it fixed my mother said that to buy just a new one, yung uso as she said. I was quite shocked she suggested it since she's very thrifty but she said she has some money saved up and it's better to use it since paper bills were still signed by the previous president. I said that it was still valid anyway since it's still the same money but she insisted that she wants to buy a new one. So she asked my brother to drive him and Tatay to the appliance store to canvass. She actually didn't go inside the shop and stayed inside the car for health precautions. Anyway, my brother was able to find an affordable one which was on sale. It's not the latest version but we really don't care about it as long as it is from a credible brand and has a warranty. Anyway, we set the TV up, setting up the cable was easy but the Internet-based one I was dumbfounded at first but my 12-year-old nephew helped me figure it out! Glad to have a kid here who is techie! I really enjoyed the casting feature the most really. I actually pondered on cutting the cord because our cable company of more than 10 years is annoying me lately because they pulled out Kapamilya Channel after a week and not even carrying the free TV channel A2Z. I complained multiple times but all I get are template replies. Something fishy going on there but that's another story. But do they ANC/Teleradyo/Cinema One/Jeepney TV and well my TeleNovela Channel so I guess I will keep it around for the meantime. It's still the same monthly payment all these years and it's actually cheap. Anyway, my parents enjoyed watching on the YouTube app, they even watched my brother's wedding last year which is uploaded there. The problem of course is that the Internet is sometimes not reliable especially since our Wi-Fi modem is located a bit far from the TV. Anyway, I think it's nice to have something like this at our house, we've been careful with our expenses and I think we deserve a little luxury from time to time. 

I Wish I Was..

 On the alumni FB page of my college course, my former prof who is the department head now asked for our job hunting stories after graduation especially those who didn't land a job in the broadcast journalism or media industry. Initially, I was not interested to answer because I don't feel like sharing because it will open up wounds but then the responses were all engaging to read so I was compelled to share my story. Here is what I posted:

I waited for 4 months to land a job sa isang news media company but exams and interviews lang po eh. I have no connections, just tried my luck but I never really came close. So the first job offer I had - content writing for Internet marketing  - tinanggap ko agad because I wanted to have a job before Christmas. But since it was not the type of writing I like, I lasted only 3 months. Next job was as an editor but for academic journals abroad and it's more on technical editing based on their guidelines. It paid well because it's a BPO company but I struggled because it's not really something I like to do. I continued looking for a new job in my 5 months with that company and finally landed one in a small media production company. The starting salary was minimum but it's a media-related job finally so I carried on. I'm still here 11 years later. But to be honest,  I still had multiple attempts in between those years to look for another job mainly because of financial reasons. My income is adequate but you have to be thrifty to survive, so little room for luxuries. I also have a side job for nearly 10 years (writing movie reviews and community management for a local website) to supplement my income. I won't deny sir that financially speaking working in the media industry is a big challenge. In my mid-20s, I actually had a job offer from a dream media company but then the salary was way lower than my current job so I sadly turned it down. I just couldn't risk leaving my stable job where I am already a regular employee (something that's hard to get in this industry). If that offer happened in my early 20s and still fresh from college I would have accepted it in a heartbeat but I was at a point in my life that I can't afford to do so. I wish it wasn't the case but there I fully realized what "the real world" they were talking about before.

It felt good to share it on a public space. But also sad because I'm not a success story 12 years after I graduated. I wish I was but hey 2020 thought me things could be so much worst.

Hope

 And what a week it was! Biden has been officially won the Presidential Race! His and VP Kamala Harris speech were so beautiful. The past few years I have been so sick of hateful and antagonistic speeches from top leaders that I felt like I was numb already. Those speeches were sensible. coherent and full of empathy. I know the road won't be easy and won't really fix the problems at once but at least today gave me hope that hey there's still room for basic decency in a world where aggressive, in your face pandering to extremes have taken the spotlight. For now I can breathe. 

Closer

 The US Presidential election is insanely close! Edge-of-your-seat race! And because of this I've been reading how US elections work, how the electoral works and I feel like theymade things so complicated when a simple popular vote could suffice but oh well I'm no Political Science expert nor a resident there to say what works or not. But the system is fascinating though. I imagine if this was a system here and if there will be any difference. Probably not though.

Biden is thisclose to winning. Some say it's just a formality now. But you see I will wait once everything is official and hopefully it will come tomorrow. 

Still Counting

 The US election counting of votes is still not over! I'm quite hooked to it actually. I could even say this is exciting if weren't for the anxiety-triggering result if the incumbent wins. This is like a rollercoaster ride and I hope the result will be favorable to my preference. Although I know even if that happens, pandering to division and conspiracy theories will still continue on but still we need to have steps back to respectful and sensible leadership to the most powerful country in the world. Hoping for the best!

Nail Biter

 So the US Presidential Elections is still too close to call. I admit I don't fully understand their electoral college system but based on what I've read it is a neck-and-neck race. It actually made me anxious because even though I prepared myself for an unfavorable result but I'm still holding on to hope for the opposite! I should probably not care because I'm not a citizen but the incumbent is just so deplorable and if he wins again, he will be emboldened to what unfortunately seems to be working for his supporters. I just want basic decency in leadership in the most powerful country to return. I'm so worried. 

Please...

 I'm not even from the US but I'm nervous about their election results today. In the past, I never really cared even in 2016. Now, it's so different because whatever happens today will have an effect, directly or not, on the rest of the world. It's still the most powerful country in the world and all eyes are on this election. I'm nervous because the opposite of what I hope happens then it will just send a statement that the abrasive style will still be loud and pandered on. It will still be chaotic and divisive with respectful discourse still shafted. I'm quite losing hope really with the way things are happening now. I don't know what to feel right now. Maybe I should just stop caring? Is even worth it? I'm powerless anyway. 

Update 4 hours later

Yeah looking like it will be the same again. While I prepared myself for this result, now that this closer to reality it truly sucks

Messages

 Today is Tatay's 66th birthday. It is bittersweet because today also marks the first week since my Tito, his youngest brother, passed away. He actually said earlier that he misses Tito because he will always be one of the first people to greet him via text message. He actually does greet of all of us happy birthday through text message. That's how thoughtful he is. My siblings posted birthday messages to tatay on Facebook and since they are the ones with a wide friend list among Tatay's relatives and former co-workers, there were a lot of sweet messages that came our way and my sister read it to him earlier. There were also a couple of who called Tatay (one video call) to greet him including his eldest sister, who is the only remaining sibling Tatay has now. They usually don't communicate that much because she lives in Mindanao for so long already so this was quite something. But I'm glad because they need each other more than ever now. I've also appreciate the messages that my Tatay received today. I know part of it is also looking out for him after the deaths of his two brothers the past two months. It's been tough for him but he is handling the best way he can, fighting off the sadness and worries.

Oh Dear God, please bless and guide my Tatay. Keep him and our family safe from any form of harm and danger. 

Resilience Ain't Enough

 After yesterday's super typhoon today the sun was shining brightly. It was relaxing to see calm, normal weather again. Mega Manila got lucky the wrath of Rolly didn't hit the areas hard. Unfortunately, not the same case in Albay, Batangas, Aurora, Quezon, and Catanduanes among others. There are places that all systems of communications are down so they can't be reached so no clear information yet of the extent of the damage. Typhoons are so normal in this country but this year is just extra difficult. Imagine if you are one of those who have to evacuate. You are in an evacuation with other people, many families, with the danger of exposure to the virus. So many worries. So much stressful situations. And oh some will romanticize their hardship as "Filipinos are always resilient" yeah that's true but stop romanticizing it. There should be more, we couldn't just rely on resilience forever. We deserve more

Signal #4

 Cavite is now under Signal 4. The expected landfall of Rolly here is between 4-7PM tonight. As I type this the rain is minimal but STRONG winds. Lakas ng kalampag ng mga yero sa paligid

I hope this won't be as hard that will affect electricity. Major concern right now although we have prepared for batteries and all phones are charged up but still a stable electric connection is needed. This is the most alarming typhoon since Yolanda. Apparently, this is the most hard hitting typhoon of the year, not just here in the Philippines but the world! Oh my goodness. God help us