Mmmbop

 You have so many relationships in this life

Only one or two will last

You go through all the pain and strife

Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast

Recently, I heard this song again after quite some time but now with adult ears actually paying attention to what the lyrics say. It hits differently this time. It wasn't just a novelty song with a very catchy chorus one can easily mumble. Music really has the power to take you back to a certain period but I've realized when you get older certain songs are more than just a nostalgia trip but an introspection. Every time the year ends, we always find ourselves looking back and evaluating our lives. I usually get caught up in the sentimentality of it all and in the previous years, I'm just content to have survived another year. It dawned on me now to appreciate the present more and not just dwell so much on the past much less dread the future. I know things are scarier as we grow older but it would be a waste if you let life slip by.

 

3 Minutes

It's hard to get things done during this time. If it wasn't a holiday, I would have gone to the office because there I could have focus and serenity. It's also raining intermittently, so it's not really the right mood to do things. I also allowed myself to be distracted by nonsense stuff too. I kinda knew it was coming but I thought I could fight things off. But I have 2 days to make it work. I don't do monitoring year end charts anymore on the radio anyway so let's get this to work!

My Hot 100 for 2024

 1. Pantropiko - BINI

2. Birds of a Feather - Billie Eilish

3. Dilaw - Maki

4. Autumn - Ben & Ben

5. Romcom -  Rob Deniel

6. Huwag Muna Tayong Umuwi - BINI 

7. APT. - Rose feat Bruno Mars.

8. Salamin, Salamin - BINI

9. Too Sweet - Hozier

10. Good Luck, Babe - Chapell Roan

11. Die With A Smile - Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars

12. Karera - BINI

13. Obsessed - Olivia Rodrigo 

14. We Can't Be Friends (Wait for Your Love) - Ariana Grande

15. Lagi - BINI

16. Miss Miss - Rob Deniel

17. Taste - Sabrina Carpenter

18. Made for Me - Muni Long

19. Patintero - BGYO

20. Palagi - TJ Monterde

21. Ang Huling Chacha - BINI

22. Get Low - O Side Mafia, BRGR

22. Na Na Na - BINI

23. Million Dollar Baby - Tommy Richman

24. Espresso - Sabrina Carpenter

25. B.A.D - Denise Julia feat. PLO

26. Red Wine Supernova - Chapell Roan

27. Namumula - Maki

28. Casual - Chapell Roan

29. Defying Gravity - Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande 

30. Arrowmance - Rob Deniel

31 Please Please Please - Sabrina Carpenter

32. Sining - Dionela feat Jay-R

33. Beautiful Things - Benson Boone

34. Kailan? - Maki

35. Museo - Eliza Maturan

36. What is This Feeling? - Ariana Grande, Cynthia Erivo

37. Fortnight  - Taylor Swift feat Post Malone 

38.  Fugitivas - Jordi Bacbush

39. Flagpole Sitta - The All-American Rejects

40. The Emptiness Machine - Linkin Park 

41. Toyo - KZ Tandingan

42. Breaking News - Flowerovlove

43. Diet Pepsi - Addison Rae

44. Bed Chem - Sabrina Carpenter

45. Rockstar - Lisa

46. Cherry on Top - BINI

47. Ikot - Over October

48. Misteryoso - Cup of Joe

49. Beyond - Auli'l Cravalho 

50. Leonard Cohen Nights - Jason Wade

51. Lambalak - MC Einstein feat Kyla 

52. Strings - BINI

53. Saan - Maki

54. HOT TO GO - Chappel Roan

55. Di Mabanggit - Paul Arcega 

56. Mantra - Jennie 

57. Comets - Ben and Ben

58. You'll Be Safe Here - Rico Blanco

59. LUNCH - Billie Eilish

60. I Feel Good - BINI

61. Sinta - Rob Deniel

62. Mi Secreto - Tommy Torres

63. Texas Hold 'Em - Beyonce

64. Na Na Nandito Lang - BINI

65. Ang Pag-ibig - Rob Deniel

66. That's So True - Gracie Adams

67. Good Side - Crash Adams

68. Lose Ya Breath - Annitta

69. Anghel - Angelo Garcia

70. Forget About Us - Perrie

71. Believing in Magic - Alexa Ilacad

72. La Historia De Juana - Benji Cordero

73. Slow it Down - Benson Boone

74. Blooming - BINI

75. We Made It - Nik Makino, Flow G

76. Ulap - Rob Deniel

77. Tingin - Cup of Joe, Janine

78. Moonlight - SB19, Ian Asher, Terry Zhong

79. Lose Control - Teddy Swims

80. Gigil - BGYO

81. You'll Be Safe Here - Moira Dela Torre

82. Gloria Y Sergio - Gala Montes

83. Kalakal - SB19 and Gloc 9

84. Training Season - Dua Lipa

85. Pakundangan  - DEMI, Hev Abi

86. End of Beginning - Djo

87. Our Stories Shine This Christmas - Various Artists

88. Apple - Charlie XCX

89. A Bar Song (Tipsy) - Shaboozey

90. It's Ok, I'm OK - Tate McRae

91. El Mal - Zoe Saldana, Karla Sofía Gascón, Camille 

92.  Nasty - Tinashe

93. Magnetic - ILLIT

94.  exes - Tate McRae

95. Selfish - Justin Timberlake

96.  Kiss The Sky - Maren Morris

97. Diyan Ka Lang - BINI

98. I'm His, His Mine -  Katy Perry feat Doechi

99. 360 - Charlie XCX

100. Stick Season - Noan Kahan

My Hot 100 for 2023

My Hot 100 for 2022

My Hot 100 for 2021

My Hot 100 for 2020

My Hot 100 for 2019

My Hot 100 for 2018

My Hot 100 for 2017

My Hot 100 for 2016

My Hot 100 for 2015

My Hot 100 for 2014

 My Hot 100 for 2013

My Hot 100 for 2012 
My Hot 100 for 2011
My Hot 100 for 2010
My Hot 100 for 2009  
My Hot 100 for 2008
My Hot 100 for 2007

Favorite TV Comedy Episodes of 2024

 1. Young Sheldon Season 7 Episode 13 "Funeral"

2.  Abbot Elementary Season 4 Episode 2 "Ringworm"

3. What We Do in the Shadows Season 6 Episode 11 "The Finale"

4. Nobody Want This Season 1 Episode 2 "A Shiksa Walks in the Temple"

5. Only Murders in the Building Season 4  Episode 1 "Once Upon a Time in the West"

6. Ghosts Season 4 Episode 9 "A Very Arondekar Christmas Part 2"

7. Hacks Season 3 Episode 9 "Bulletproof"

8. English Teacher Season 1 Episode 3 "The Kayla Syndrome"

9. A Man on the Inside Season 1 Episode "Tinker Tailor Order Spy"

10. Solar Opposites Season 5 Episode 9 "Terry's Big Cleaning Day"

Previous: 2023, 2022, 2021 2020,2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013,2012

Favorite Movies of 2024

 1. And The Breadwinner Is.....

2. Conclave

3. Wicked

4. Inside Out 2

5. The Wild Robot

Previous:

2023

2022

2021

2020

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015
2014
2013
2012
2011

Tree

 I'm in the office, and I prefer it so much. Early in the morning, I already dealt with so much stress. I had no choice but to take it all in. Some just never learn not to dwell on things that are not worth the stress in the grand scheme of things, but I don't know. I think people just want to seek problems when there shouldn't be, especially when there is an existing one already you have to deal with. I'm tired, but it is what it is. 

Relate

Watched "And the Breadwinner Is..." and I must say it's quite good. The confrontation scene is top-notch and very emotional. It reminded me of Tanging Yaman. Vice Ganda is excellent in the scene; it's her best performance. She totally nailed the dilemma of carrying a lot of family burdens, you do it because you love your family but it is also exhausting and kills you inside. And you hate feeling that way. 

Indescribable

 ''We were dreamers, not so long ago. But one by one we, all had to grow up''. 

This is my favorite new-ish Christmas song, and as I grow older, the message resonates even more! It is just harder to see things like we used to when we were kids. It's hard not to be cynical, but you have to try not to let the bleakness of life's challenges consume you completely. 

6:51 AM

 I went to the office today, and we were just a few, but I really worked hard and got things done! Now there are two days of break for the holidays, and then I go back to the office again on Dec. 26. I actually love the time between Christmas and New Year. The commute is a breeze, and there's a certain calmness in the streets! And I'm more productive at that!

Good Side

I've been following this YouTuber since it was recommended by the algorithm in 2020 during the height of the pandemic lockdowns. And I'm really impressed with how his channel grew to do big stuff like this one, a full-fledged documentary! I've been disillusioned with the influencer culture, so it's a pleasant surprise to see someone do something more in this new media. I'm a little envious becauae I wish I could so somethig like this.

Feliz

I've become that person who's fighting to keep the Christmas spirit alive and struggling to do so. I want to feel what I felt before when I was a kid but it's just not the same. I don't want to be a grinch so I don't let this feeling infect other people. Anyway, trying not to let myself feel so down. I'm trying to get into the spirit

Post

Had a frightening experience today that knocked my senses off. It's quite traumatizing but I'm working myself through it. Thank you dear Lord that the worst-case scenario didn't happen but still something to learn fromespecially to the person directly involved. Change needs to happen. 

Stones

 Things went okay and what I was hoping for. But it was not full clear. It just a right now it's okay so let's keep it like that. I don't for how long but I'm okay that things will not be complicated. I long for stability although at the back of my mind there's the fear of the inevitable but I will just take things day by day. 

Goes On and On.

 I felt sad again for no reason. Well, there is but honestly I'm worrying in advance like I always do. I don't know I'm just at this point of my life where I can't rest easy because I always bad things could happen. Or stressful things will be on my way soon. Always anticipating stress. Sometimes I wish I was a free spirit. But I could never be that, I just feel the need to look after everything I care for. It's burdensome but not caring is something that's not in my nature.  It's a heavy feeling that I just try to shove because there are more important things to do. 

6,400

 Finished something today which I could have finished earlier but I got lazy because it's not due yet, I still was able to finish it ahead of time but I could have done better. Anyway, I still have things on my plate. And I like it, hopefully I won't slack up because of the holidays and all! I want to be productive so good luck to me!

Pile Up

 End of the year barrage of problems. Some shouldn't be a problem but I don't know some people seek to create problems when you can just conserve your mental health and let it go or do something that won't trigger more stressful of situation. One is a valid concern but when you dole out advice, not listening at all and it insists on doing their way. Then when the problem becomes bigger I will shoulder all the stress again as if I don't have a lot weighing me already. I want to be supportive and also protect myself as well because it can be so overwhelming that I'm already acting out somehow because it's too much. It frustrates me because some things can be avoided if we actually aim for peace of mind. I'm just in a daze with complex feelings. Worried and scared and exhausted. And there are things on the horizon too to keep me awake at night. Where do I go?

Lunch

Warning signs are here again and I'm getting nervous about it then some annoying things happen. I couldn't take this all in. One at a time please. Or maybe stop digging for problem when there is none and focus on something that's actually quite alarming instead of finding ways to avoid it and let others deal with it. Unnecessary annoyance!

IYD

 Ok, I set myself up so I can finish something on schedule but not working so far! Let's try tomorrow and hopefully I'll be more successful because I really have to! No choice but to do so! May I find enough motivation!

Loss

 A friend recently lost his wife after battling an illness. Every time I see him, I can see the pain in his eyes. When he received his 13th-month pay, he said to me that it made him sad because it just reminded him how happy his wife was during this time of the year. It broke my heart to hear that. I just can't imagine what he is feeling right now. I try my best to console him as much as I can but I sometimes don't know what to say so I just listen to him. I hope it helps him process what he feels. I easily get affected when it comes to things like this. I guess I'm an empath? Sometimes I don't want to care because it gets overwhelming at times but I can't help it.

Amber's

 We didn't have a Christmas party this year but had a Christmas lunch at the office. It was a very challenging year, but we made it through again. Next year will be a better one for us, manifesting it. Things are changing, but we still managed to get through this. I'm grateful for that. 

Patches

 Good intentions, bad executions. It's so hard to handle it because it is irritating. After all, it's reckless and so out of the blue. But then again the intention is good so how could you fault that. I just have to let it go and pretend to be in favor. It's still good to be polite, lashing out won't do any good, especially for such a small thing. I'm just in a weird place lately. I feel so down for some reason but I just keep it in because I don't stir bigger drama that is unnecessary. When everything is OK, let it be. 

Could Have Been

I'm really sad this one slipped away from us and while I do believe we did a good job, this is beyond our control. It sucks though because I really wanted to work on that. I really suck for feeling so anxious and awful again when everything, in general, is OK. But I miss having that sense of pride that yes I can show off. It's a very small perk but it made me feel good. 

Encash

Each time I do this, I panic again because of a drought. Now, I'm torn giving up something again  to help out but I also get tired because of it. But I also need to look after myself as well. I wish there would be an outpour again so we get all to be happy. I need to be more assertive and not feel guilty that I could be crossing the lines. I get conscious because of some previous incidents where I was called out. I overcompensate now which I feel that I'm getting the short end of the stick. But really not. I'm just paranoid. I wish that thing was still with us so I feel more at peace. 

Hammer

I need to do something but I got lazy again. I just did my own version of fun again!  It's kind of waste of time and I kinda regret distracting myself again. But I've done it so many times, I never learn! Anyway, now I have to catch up to get this done. Good luck!

Tear Down

I kinda hate that I got interested in a recent celebrity cheating scandal but the story is just so interesting but then it made me realize how this is way too personal that people should not be informed about this. This is how "justice" for some people is these days I guess. It looks fun if done on a fictional series or movie but when it's real life, you gotta feel a little bit icky about it too. So yeah, I need to really not get so invested with this kind of things really even if it's inescapable sometimes. 

Pushover

I have to be strong and not let the repetitive things affect me that much. I'm a weakling, I just couldn't bear the thought of being the target of ill feelings especially when I know I did nothing wrong in the grand scheme of things. But I always give in, I take the high road because I thought that this would give me peace of mind but I've realized that I've opened myself to further emotional torture. I don't deserve it but I just have to deal with it. I just need to learn to be numb. But I do hope someday, I get a sincere apology for all the hurt you did to me and full realization that you did me wrong. Yes, there's a lot of love but the moments you hurt cut me deep. I didn't act out and just shoved all the pain so I could focus on more important things. But everytime I'm treated unfairly, all these feelings pour in and make me miserable in the end. I'm so tired of it all but I know I really have nowhere to go.  Sometimes I get drunk on a fantasy life, of what could have been. It gives fleeting feelings of joy but ultimately it just makes me sad. That's why I avoid thinking about it but in moments like this when I feel so down and hurt, I am defenseless to my own vulnerability.  Oh Dear Lorn, please enligthen those who need to be, get into the heart and realize all the pain I've been carrying deep inside my heart all these years. I can't speak up, I can't fight back. All i could do is just lay in bed and cry silently so I could wake up with a better feeling. 

Wrapped 2024

 Spotify Wrapped used to be more detailed when it still had a dedicated website but now that it's just app only, it got a little boring but nonetheless, as a chart geek, it's fun to see my music ranking for the year. This year I jumped the BINI bandwagon and got into many Gen Z artists! This is not me trying to be young but I just enjoyed their music and it's appealing to an older millennial like me! My top podcasts are 2/3 audio dramas that Nanay loves to listen and the other three are about my interest in entertainment business, economics and Internet pop culture!

Sink

I'm always walking on eggshells. This is not something new, but I feel awful each time it happens. I have no choice but to be level-headed, I can't join in or else we will all fall. On top of that, I have to deal with increasingly alarming signs that I try to ignore but deep inside I feel so much fear of what could happen next. All I want for Christmas is peace of mind or a semblance of it. 

Carols

 I started playing Christmas songs today to set me in the holiday mood. Yeah, it really didn't. It didn't help that the weather was gloomy and rainy, too. And I'm still a little sick, too. Hopefully, I will feel more of that vibe in the coming days. 

Shine

 

It's a yearly tradition to wait for the ABS-CBN Christmas Station ID. I have to admit this year I'm a bit underwhelmed with the song, not as instantly catchy as before but the meaning is good course. It just doesn't have the same magic but I don't know maybe it's a grower. Family is Love in 2018 I was underwhelmed too but eventually got the hang of it. 

'Tis the Season

 December us here and as usual since things happened in my life I'm not feeling the holiday joy anymore and 'I've long accepted that I will probably never feel the same excitement I had when I was a child. But I always try not to be a grinch to others and myself. I don't want to be in a miserable state so I find ways to feel positive, appreciate what I have, and be grateful that I'm not facing larger-than-life problems. It's a constant battle that even gets harder during this time. 

Snooze

 Feeling a little better but still not in top form that I want to but at least there's improvement which is nice. Hoping to fully recover soon enough because the weather is finally cold which what I've been waiting but I can't appreciate it now because I'm sick. It's such a good weather to just laze around and sleep/nap!

Sneeze

 A bit of a struggle today as I deal with sickness. And there's not comfortable place to rest really. I still deal with stress of all proportions. I hope I get better soon enough so I could function better. 

Before 4

 I don't want to say it's all good, there are still some things I need to worry about but at least it's not the worst scenario brewing in my mind. And all I want is for this to be stable and be away from more hazardous things. I know it will never be like it was before but I just hope for peace of mind and no scary suffering. I always pray hard to God for it and I'm grateful that the worst things in my mind or a repeat of past incidents haven't occurred again. I'm always worried but I take anything I can hold on to. 

Quest

 Quite a busy day and I'm glad because of those doors opening which will keep things stable for quite some time. Now, I still feel envious about that one thing that we were supposed to do but alas things didn't work in our favor!  But what can we do but move on and appreciate those in front of us. 

Unity

 There's some teleserye-level national drama in the country. I don't know what to feel because either choice is a losing one in the grand scheme of things. I also hate that I find all this chaos entertaining somehow because these are still serious things. I don't know where this country is headed!

Will

 I've been struggling to finish one task because it's a little boring like I feel sleepy doing it! But made some progress hopefully tomorrow I can finish it already so I can proceed to do something more in line with my interest. 

Atip

 No one: .....

That person: CREATES DRAMA

It's really frustrating when you are just in a regular mood and then, out of the blue, some people act strangely out of their whims! Sure, intention may be good, but is this worth all the stress you are giving everyone?  Seeking tension as always. I'm so sick of it. 

Gracias!

 Oh thank goodness, some good news finally happened, I was stressing about it already! It's here now!  Thank you Lord! This really helps my mood now because I've been so stress and down!

Sacks

I really want to say something but I can't because it will be misinterpreted and in the end, I will cave in because I just want to avoid stress. But I'm really annoyed with what I perceive as carelessness. Just going in without asking me really. It would have been fine if it had been better planned but things seem to be done in a hasty, impulsive manner and there was a mishandling earlier. I wish I could say what I really feel or something happens to get an epiphany of some sort. 

Unpleasant

 Here I go again with this feeling I can't shake off. Objectively speaking, there's not really awful to feel bad about, it's just that I worry about what could happen and I'm getting scared already. It's just affecting my mood right now. I still feel bad for all the missed shots to the point I'm already going for the "what if" scenarios in my mind which does nothing but my feelings of dread. Still thankful that this is still not that horrible, I need to remind myself that so I could put things in perspective. Heavens, I'm really hoping for good news. 

Drive

I still feel down. A million things in my mind right now. I did some things early to distract myself and also ease some worries. It was good for awhile but I'm back again feeling so off. I know the reason why and it's something I really can't control but I just can't get it off my mind. It worries me so much. 

Plank

Made a little screw-up today because of my overeagerness. I already knew what could happen but couldn't help but still do it. I apologized for my mistake and things are good but I still feel upset. I guess I'm just a little volatile lately the slightest mishap would make me go spiral internally though because I just can't show my true emotions in public because it would stress me out even further.

Greenlit

 Glad to have at least one thing confirmed for the next month. And it's an interesting one for me too so I'm gonna be something interesting to do. But still hoping for more. There's still one hanging over my head although it's already all but confirmed that it's over but I still keep a glimmer of hope that it could still go.

Hard Bread

 It's really hard to deal with mood swings, I'm so tempted to lash out but for my sake I let it go. I just don't want to add stress in my life. I'll do anything to avoid conflict these days. It's just not worth it. 

Defy

 So I spent my day for entertainment. I binged a TV show, a comedy which was good enough but I felt something was lacking but I did get some good laughs and insightful moments. Then I fell into a rabbit hole on YouTube watching random stuff until I got hooked by the marketing of an upcoming which i will definitely see in theaters hopefully next week!

Stir

I'm stressed over someone wanting to create drama when there is none! It really shouldn't come to this when you can just let things slide and forget about it. That person thinks he is entitled to do so but nope you are creating problems when we could all just be at peace. They don't learn. They can't sit still and be appreciative of what there is at the moment. Why create stressful situations? The frustrating part is I can;t confront that person to tell it straight because it will fall on deaf ears. I'm so exhausted of this behavior. ENOUGH!!!!!!

Irvin

 A colleague passed away a few days ago. Rest in peace, Irvin. And even though we never interacted that much in the office, I knew you were great at your work, had a great passion for cinema, and wrote well-written film reviews online.  I visited a message board about film and the Oscars where Irvin is well-known and reading their good words about him is quite touching. We paid our last respects to him earlier today where we met his parents, who despite what they are going through, welcomed us with pleasant smiles. My heart was broken when his mother was telling us about Irvin's last days and how she embraced her son for the last time. I just can't imagine the pain of a parent losing a child.  

Cooked

 Exhausted about everything. But I can't give up. I can't set everything aside and go off. But my mind is an absolute mess right now. Worrying about multiple things. I need to leave non-essential stuff that is just cluttering my mind. I really want to be 100% on essential stuff but damn it, I just get lazy sometimes and need something to distract me. But it's just an excuse most of the time. It's so difficult to take everything in.

Blows

Having a hard time concentrating. I feel worried and restless. A normal thing by now. I was on a roll on a thing I delayed because I couldn't focus and then something happened to put it to a halt. Everything is just so complicated. I can't rest easy. 

Winds

 Glad to receive something new today but hopefully more will be coming just to stabilize things. I'm really interested in this new one because it will take me to another world I'm quite curious about. This is one of the things that I like doing because as someone always curious, getting a glimpse of another world is a treat!

Along

 There are thing I haven't move on but I'm just moving along as life goes on but still holding on to that hope that there will be vindication eventually. I really hope so.

Blood and Heat

 I'm so worried again but now double it up! I need to stay calm because I can't act out because it will just make things worst. But this is driving me insane and I'm really exhausted carrying so many stressul stuff on my shoulder. 

Hats

I get why people are really mad but I don't know, I think social media witchhunt is a pointless thing to do anymore and will just be harmful to one's mental health. But that's social media for you, it's just too unavoidable now. So I hope if this is getting too much for one's headspace, one should take a break. Recharge before you go back to staying vigilant. Don't let despair consume you totally.

Vote

 I felt I didn't want to feel empathetic anymore after some frustrating national-level events but eventually, I did move on from it and just let things be and focused on my family and work. I still get frustrated from time to time on a national level but while in the grand scheme of things I am powerless, I could still make those changes or live the life I believe is right in my own circle like my family and workplace. There are a lot of people in my workplace who made certain choices due to misguided thoughts influenced by online noises but in general, they are good people who really just want to do good for their family. Hostility is not the way to go even if it's really tempting to do so sometimes.

Not

 I'm feeling a lot of anxiety now from personal to world issues. The thing is I cannot control how the world works so why would I stress about it? I thought I could be numb with these anymore but I just can't help but care. I need to stop thinking about these things anymore and just focus on what I can do in my life where I am directly affected. 

Bit

After the hectic last few weeks, I'm now on a plateau. There's still pending matter but nothing immediate. I'm also spacing it out because the drought is coming unless something pops up soon. I really hope it does. Getting anxious again. How I wish it was 2022 all over again. 

Four in a Row

 It wasn't easy and I had to deal with some little personal drama along the way but thank goodness I was able to pull it off. I'm a little sad that my slate for the coming weeks is not that busy but still grateful for those that come along. Hoping and praying for more before the year ends. 

The Second Chance!

  "The Second Chance," the Thai remake of El Cuerpo Del Deseo, is coming to TV5 beginning next week! I was entertained while working on the dubbing because the flow is not boring at all!  I'm excited to see it on TV.

Bracelet

 One down. Not the pacing that I was targetting but better this than totally delaying again for no good reason. It's still a tall order to do everything I need to do but I will work my best because I do really need it. And I won't have much coming up after this back to back to back to back stuff I need to finish. But I do hope something good will go about soon, Just to easy my anxieties because as usual I think negatively in advance!

Yeah, yeah.

 Hoping to finish the first one tonight but could be a challenge because I let myself get distracted again and also getting distracted by other things too, Okay back to my goal again! I have more in the pipeline!

4/4

I'll be so busy doing some stuff in the next 4 days! I need to meet my goal and make it work. No distractions. No delays. I still need to juggle other stuff while doing this but I just need to have the right mindset so I could accomplish. On we go!

Struggling

Thinking of one thing that it is more convenient but then again it has its own share of difficulties as well. Most notably, lack of awareness for some that they expect everyone is at ther beck and call. Or worst, being the sounding of self inflicted stressors. I hate to think this way but this is what I have been dealing and sometimes it takes a toll on me. Internally, of course. I can't show weakness as much as possible 

Confused

 I just witnessed yet again something that's really making me worry. Just trying to calm myself down that it's manageable, I must be patient. It's so hard to be levelheaded because everything is difficult to deal with but I can't afford to lose hope. I need to be strong so everything won't fall apart. 

Alarm

 I'm back worrying again over something that isn't under my control, but this is how I am, already sounding the alarm as early as now. I really hope that something good and new will come up soon so that I can feel at ease. 

Shallow Waters

 Decided to step away from that thing that would just give me unnecessary stress. I already starting to sense that it will upset me and it's such a nonsense matter. I just get too drawn with inconsequential things sometimes. Now I will try to focus on what matters again. Especially, since I'm starting to get worried about that thing again. 

Winner

 My bet Kai lost on PBB Gen 11, just 4th place. I kinda saw it coming base on voting trends and the forums and social media reactions I've been reading.  But well it was a fun show and I really got hooked now back to regular programming to me and focus on other stuff!

Penultimate

 I've been watching PBB since Day 1, 19 years ago, and this has been a good season. I know na that the cost-cutting sa production is quite evident, there were no "grand" tasks unlike before. Still, I do think yun pa nga naging edge this season kasi there were tendencies na over-produced na yung tasks or masyado na showbiz (concerts), or tasks where they go outside which defeats the initial concept of the show na isolated lang sila. In a way back to basics sila dito so there are more social interactions with the housemates. Since wala na rin yung activity area mas limited pa mundo nila but the earlier seasons like the ones from over a decade ago ganito rin naman kaliit ang mundo nila and it was engaging kasi you just watch how they interact and what stories develop organically. I'm not a fan of too many game-based challenges, it gets boring later on din kasi, the finale weeks of previous seasons naging challenge-driven which kills momentum. I have to say the finale week of this season is well-done. Mas nakilala ang Big 4, a true test of character and a look on how strong their relationships have formed. That's what keeps me hooked sa show despite its flaws. Your connection with the housemates and how you will see yourself one way or another or even get exposed to certain personalities and relationships that you wouldn't do in normal life. I can't help but smile sa penultimate episode, seeing the big 4 reunited, their reactions when they heard Kuya again, and their special dinner where they share their sincerest praises to one another. Just pure human emotion. This is the best thing about this show, despite the flaws and issues, it will always have that heart.

Kristine Again

 Stuck at home because of the typhoon. But now I'm thinking maybe I should have just braved the weather and went to the office instead! I just can't focus here. WFH is not for me. My situation isn't just ideal for it. 

Kristine

 Didn't go to work today because I woke up and felt off. It didn't help that there was a typhoon although we weren't badly hit like in other provinces but I just didn't feel that going to the office under this weather is good. I do feel better now and I do think it was a good decision to take a leave for today because the commute home will be difficulty with the rains and the winds. 

To the....

 I was planning to accomplish something but barely got started. I was so sleepy all afternoon I wasn't able to focus. Argh. Hate when that happens especially since I have a lot of things to do this week. Let's try again tomorrow!

Archive

Browsing the recently uploaded Heraldo Filipino digital archives (https://www.heraldofilipino.org/archives) brings back many memories. I can't help but feel nostalgic seeing my first articles published 19 years ago. It was a dream come true to see my name printed on the campus broadsheet (especially when it was on the front page). I feel that sometimes as I get older, I'm losing that spark I once had because of life's many challenges. So seeing these again, it's nice to be reminded of that youthful zest I had before.

Development

Mixed bag because one carelessly said hurtful words without thinking how it would affect the person. And it's all just because of something else bothering him and lashing out at someone else. Thus, creating unnecessary tension. Annoyed. Later on, though, he realized that he had made one wrong move on a separate issue. I liked that I heard some acknowledgment of a mistake made because it's not a usual thing, pride and all. So yeah it's a day that's quite confusing to deal with. 

Gen11

 I really like PBB Gen 11 and the result of the Big 4 tonight was excting as always. This show 19 years in still gets it really. My bet is Kai and I hope she wins!

Five Bottles

 Glad to know the worst fears didn't happen. Thank God for that. But always, it's never really 100% okay but taking one step at a time, I'm all good. I will continue to pray for the stability and improvement. 

Hundreds

 I'm feeling anxious again. I can't help it. Adding to my worries are some of the other non-directly related things that are making me feel so worried again. But then I need to focus my energy on this particular thing that is directly affecting me. It's just an awful feeling but I need to stay strong. 

Practical

 So I answered an alumni survey from my college and in one question I responded that the university should have a thorough program on financial literacy for all graduating students. A student should have a basic idea of what SSS, Philhealth, PAGIBIG and the like are

Blob

 No matter how I try to ignore it, the warning signs are there. I'm scared but I need to prepare myself in all aspects of what could likely come. I hope it isn't the worst case, This has been my life for the last 4 years, always praying for the least scary outcome. Oh dear Lord, please hear my prayer. 

Is

 I felt really bad for my co-worker dealing with a very emotional time personally. He should not be in the office but I get why he still came in. It is his escape. We actually just let him when he sleeps because he does not get any at home due the ordeal he is facing with. I can't help but think what if I get into the same situation. I had a similar experience and thankfully we survived it but still, the threat is always there. It's really soul-sucking, to be honest but you gotta march on. Praying hard for my co-worker to be strong in these trying times. 

Cut

 I let myself get distracted and mildly upset over something that does not involve me personally but is just a hobby. I really need to step back sometimes because I get too invested like how people get so involved in sports. I do get some entertainment here but when things get toxic, nope, I have other things in mind that I don't have space for that shallow thing. 

169

I did a random again today for cheap thrills! I'm just looking for something to fill in the gap without risking too much but well I already feel disappointed this early on! 

Plugged In

 I bought a new branded earphone (wired), and it's cheaper now, thanks, I guess, to bluetooth earphones! I still prefer wired ones because I will just lose the bluetooth ones; I'm not going to risk it!

Ignite

I was planning to do something tonight but the lazybone won over again. Tomorrow it is! Anyway, another one of my shallow interests wasted my time. Argh! Why do i still get affected over such nonsense! And it's not really serious nor directly affects me but just plain "team" nonsense so to speak! But I guess sometimes it's OK to be annoyed at something that don't have real weigh as a funnel to let out those things that really bother you for real big time!

ZzZz

 I'm fighting sleepiness right now. I slept well enough, so this is something other than just being tired. I was able to do some errands earlier with full attention but now I'm so sleepy! It's not even noon yet! I don't know what my consciousness is actually saying right now. 

Coffee

 Always checking and nil most of the time. I don't know why I keep on insisting that there's still probably a chance it could work out. My mind is so chaotic all the time. I need to stop overthinking but just when I think I found the right spot to stabilize, it will then come crashing down when something out of the blue provokes to overthink again. Ignorance is bliss sometimes or maybe most of the time. 

Skip

 I made a call today that is partly for my benefit and for others. I think it was a good decision because things went smoothly but hopefully tomorrow I get back the groove. I am finding ways to get excited again after that thing that was not pushing through anymore.  Yeah, still not over that but there's nothing I can do about it anymore but just move on. 

Wither

 Another one of those days where I suffer from unnecessary stress because of people making a big deal out of nothing. Making a big fuss when you can't just let it pass. Yet again I just think "It could be worse" so I don't have to make things harder for me because I struggle internally when those things happen, It's tough mentally and emotionally. I try my best to keep it together and do fine on the outside most of the time because I just have to. 

Grip

 Sometimes I miss my old Saturdays when I used to go to the movies and stroll around but I can't anymore since the pandemic happened and then life had things that made me prefer to stay home during the weekends. But then again I don't have the zest anymore to go out, save money, and not deal with traffic among other things. So it's not the same anymore even if I choose to go out, I will just be facing unnecessary stress. 

Strings

Felt so off today but didn't affect the things I had to do. It really is hard for me when I face something rather unpleasant even if intentions are good. I wish can just shake it off that easy. Anyway, I hope I'll be in  happier mood in the next few days. I want to receive some good news. Anything. 

Whatever

There are so many complications that are baffling. But you know there's no point in raising it because you lose no matter what. Even if you try your best to make things work out, there's always gonna have questions. You get reminded again where you stand in all of this. But times have changed, and you are left with no choice because there are no options for your situation. It sucks so bad but what can you do?

10

 I know I shouldn't be the one to speak but I don't get why some can't adjust to a more convenient situation when you are in the middle that brings more hassle and whining about it too. Oh well, maybe it brings some joy but then I think about how made adjustments for the convenience of others. I wanted to be self serving but I feel guilty. And all I want at this point of my life is peace of mind whenever I can. In the end, I know it is just a small issue but let me air out what I feel so I will be more okay in actuality.

Game Over

 I can't help but feel envious over this that we missed out due to things we can't control. I was so excited and anticipating it but then alas it didn't happen. How I wish this thing was done earlier so we could have it before those things happened. I really feel bad about this because this was the thing that made me really proud. I wish never received a taste of this feeling because it will only be taken away eventually. *sighs*

Wonder

Glad to see something good potentially happening. But I really don't want to get ahead of myself because this is how my life is, I need to manage my expectations just in case it doesn't work out in the end. But really hoping this one would be a go.  The last quarter of the year is coming and this would be a good start.... hopefully!

However, I'm still so sad that we missed out on such an important thing to me previously. I need to move on.

Manage

It was always a tricky thing to do but here I go again with the same flaws yet again. I acknowledge that this is all my fault, I sometimes sabotage myself for this! Oh well, let's make it work tomorrow!

Sticky

 The heat is unbearable again! The holiday season is right around the corner so the weather should be cold and not this! Why is everything so different now, huh? It's surreal sometimes. 

No deal

I was reminded to get off that distraction I've been wasting my time again. I have a lot on my plate and don't have the energy to deal with shallow stress. I should know better but I keep falling into the trap because it does give temporary reprieve from some of the things bothering me. But then when something that is supposed to be just entertainment causes you to be stressed about it, get out of that space, now!

Language

 I read something about people getting frustrated about some Filipino kid/teens today struggling or do not how to speak Filipino (Tagalog). I can't blame kids if they grew up not exposed it to but I think parents should make it a point especially if they are a middle-class family that their kids are multilingual as well just for communicating alone outside their famil and world. Some comments online I read are people speculating that parents or kids looked down on the language. I hope not that's not the case for the most. I get it in this country, we were led to believe being good in English makes you smarter. I admit I was like that too when I was younger that I wanted to be good in English because that would make me sound smart. That was foolish of course. 

EV

I have this feeling again. And it got worse because it got delayed. I mean, I know deep inside I wanted to delay it as well but my rational side knows things aren't going to get better I just have to face it a little later but it's inevitable anyway. I'm so scared of what could happen. It does not help that one thing that made me somehow happy is on the rocks too. Having this draining emotion brewing is hard, but i can't afford to lose control. I found myself in the situation of being the one people depend, I don't like it but I need to do it. Let there be favorable results, dear Lord.

Fly away

 September is about to end and lots of thoughts hanging over my head. A lot of worries per usual. But trying my very best to stay calm and collected. Then there's also one thing that still makes me sad. The loss of something I valued so much. Something that made me feel proud. It lasted for as long as it could. I knew the signs of slowing down were coming but the total end devastated me. Oh well, tough luck.

Fluid

 I got myself into unnecessary stress. Partly my fault because I was not focusing enough yesterday and found myself in trouble now., Partly because this could not be an issue if people knew not to make a big deal out of small things. But it's pointless to dream that something will change and as always I'm the one who will bow down.  I always have to be the person that will make the adjustments.  It's exhausting but there's nothing I can do, unfortunately, but live with this on my shoulder day by day.

Ply

Yeah, it's not meant to be. I was hoping for it until the last minute but alas. I'm getting a little sad because of everything that is not happening. I try to keep my mind busy but it's rather difficult when you feel so anxious about what's ahead. Despite everything that's been going on, I'll still keep hoping something good is on the horizon. I really hope so. 

Mired

 I don't want to break people's illusions but it's tough for me to carry things on my own. It's a heavy burden but over the years I've realized I'm the most capable of taking it all in. I hate to be that, but I see repercussions when I try to avoid being one. Problems get bigger. I don't know what to do so I just let things roll. I avoid thinking about it more because I feel more helpless. 

Feeds

 Feeling a little sad. No, not just a little. It's just one of those moments where you just feel inadequate. While I don't regret the things I prioritized there will always be moments like what I feel where I feel absolutely empty. I cry it out in silence. And it's good to release this so I stay sane and go back to business the next day. It's morbid but I always think of worst scenarios so I can be thankful for what I have. And most of the time it does work. But then something out of the blue will hit you so bad. Like what's happening to me now. But I'll be okay again. For now, I'll just let myself be sad. 

Pickle

Someone asked me a question that somehow annoyed me because the answer was obvious but of course, I had to analyze the situation as well because the person was under some kind of pressure. I can't help but be empathetic too. And good thing that person asked me first and not other people who might not be as nice about it. I sometimes want to be blunt as well because I did notice some things that person do that would place in a not-so-nice picture. I tried giving hints but I don't know, it seems like it doesn't get through. Oh, well, this shouldn't have been a problem if that thing didn't happen earlier this year. *sighs*

Canva

 Nephew asked to borrow my laptop for school. He only has a desktop computer at home. I was a bit hesitant because I only use my laptop at home basically functioning as desktop for me too! But he needs it so I allowed it of course.  I hope he doesn't break it or something but he's 16 and more techie than me so I should learn to relax!

Choice

 One of the dubbing projects we worked on is now streaming and I'm thrilled to finally see it. I even promoted it on an online forum. I know it will get some of the usual "why won't people watch the original version" and while there's a good point there in being immersed totally in the original form of art let's also take into consideration those who are not accustomed to reading subtitles, either they can't concentrate reading while watching or they have issues with their eyesight. The option to watch a dubbed version in the language they are comfortable with can attract people who otherwise won't watch it. So if having a dubbed version helps expand their reach then that is ultimately a good thing.

100

 100 Days to go before Christmas! It's a cliche to say this but yeah it's just not the same when you're older but still hoping for good and jolly days ahead.It's not realistic I guess because there will always be curveballs in life but I gotta keep the faith because living in such gloomy mood is just not the way to live life. 

Agent

 Another unnecessary cause of stress. Never changes. But I need to stay stable nd not making things even more horrible. I'm so sick of it but I have to accept that this is my life. 

Last Minute

 I just focused on something for entertainment today!  I still have something to finish though but I'll just do it tomorrow hopefully I don't mess it up!

Gen11

I'm hooking on the new season of PBB! I miss PEx even more now! Even in the declining years, it was still a good place to discuss the show, the posters could do insightful and funny posts withought taking this too personally. I did post on the PBB subreddit, it's not the same but the next best thing because social media is too chaotic for PBB!

2 More Weeks

 The thing I was worrying about got delayed. Mixed feeling. But now I will take it one day at a time. If not, I will drown in anxiety which will just affect me more and the last thing I need right now is to fall apart. 

Vivir

 I feel restless right now. I can't focus. There are a lot of things worrying me now. I wanted to shake it off but it just keeps on bugging me. It's not good, I need to get that mojo back. I wish I didn't get distracted easily or intentionally distracting myself. I'm fervently praying for good news on all fronts. I know life isn't easy that way but fighting each day is exhausting to maintain. 

Wood Knocking

 I feel so paranoid, anxious, and very scared. I have a bad feeling and I can't shake it off. It's not the first time especially since I've been living in dread for quite some time now. I just try to relish whatever joy I could get. I hope to God that I'm wrong but still preparing myself because I need to be strong when my fear does actually happen. But please, no.

Machine

 I'm sad because one thing I was looking forward is very likely not happenining anymore. I mean, I was already told the chances were slim but I kept on hoping something will change and it will be happen. But time is ticking and nothing is happen. The window for it to become a possibility is closing in. I'm sad. That thing really made me happy. 

Sheep

Glad I was able to finish things ahead of what I was expecting. There's still more but taking a breather now before I go back to doing stuff! I really need to keep my focus on it because when I'm on it, I really get things on fire! OK, hoping for good things ahead!

Occasion

Today's theme is powering through. Still a long way to go but I need to settle this today because I have another thing to do tomorrow! Again, I could have a breathing space if I didn't get too lazy for a couple o days but here we are! Let's do it!

Photographer

Catching up mode now. After doing things well last week, I'm back to my messy self! Well, two days were kind of wasted but it was a bit out of my control. Just a bit because I do need to take accountability for some of my actions that led med here now. Anyway, I can do this!

37

 37 today. Thank you sa lahat ng bumati. My birthday is the same as the last couple of years, good health and safety for me and my loved ones. As I grow older, I still discover many things about myself, and while sometimes I feel like I'm still that twenty-something with so much in mind, I know I'm quite different now and my perspective has changed. One thing is for sure though, I now know what to value and what things are, in the grand scheme of things, inconsequential.

Rays

It's been rainy the past four days and it kinda messed up some of the things I needed to do. And now I have to work around again, so much stuff, in so little time. But I could have prevented it if I hadn't been distracted. But it's fine, I'll make it work. Hoping for good weather tomorrow. And for a ray of sunshine as well. In more ways than one.

All the ways

 I'm getting nervous again for something imminent but just like what I said to a co-worker earlier who shared with me how he is struggling with his personal life, we really have no choice but to hang on and take one day at a time. I don't think I'm the person to give advice to but I just said what I feel is the right thing to say.  It's really hard dealing with things like this but giving up doesn't solve anything anyway, the problems will still be there. I always pray to God to give me strength in all aspects of my life so I can continue to forge on. 

Talker

 One of the things I like watching now is video essays on YouTube mostly on personal experience or analysis of pop culture stuff. I like it when it is well-researched and not just them stating opinions presenting it as fact!  I like it also if they are eloquent and a good sense of humor is nice too! I wish I could be like that but I'm too messy to be that coherent in presenting my thoughts!

Bag

 A relatively okay day and people will find an excuse to stir drama. I'm so sick of it. But I know it's gonna happen over and over again. No matter how hard I try to diffuse the situation, try to prevent it from happening from the start but I just have to accept some people are just like that, they just prefer to  cater to whatever issue they have in the world than maintain peace. I'm trapped. 

Lanterns

 September tomorrow! I'm getting annoyed with the Jose Mari Chan overused jokes already but then again I don't want to be that KJ person so let it be. And I do want to attract good vibes, especially things that still keep me worried and paranoid. I am hoping and praying for some good news soon. 

Swoop

 So yeah, since I got used to being just okay, I got overwhelmed when things poured in. Like I'm sure this is something that's regular to other people but not to me. I worked very hard for this so I deserve this yet I feel nervous as well. Because that is me, I can't just let good things happen without thinking that could something unfortunate happen next? Hopefully, please no. Anyway, very grateful to this now back to working hard again. 

Opening

Very happy I met my goal this week with some time to spare. There is also some good news coming but it's a mixed feeling for me because there will be a little wait for the next one. But of course glad to have it available now. I have to plan it well so I won't misuse it because that's the last thing I need right now. Anyway, hoping for some good news about this something that I really want so bad to happen! I'm seeing some glimmer of hope. Hopefully, it pushes through!

Waves

 I had a weird dream. I was in a dystopia and the world was crumbling, literally to be eaten by the sea. I was wandering until I found my family in a public terminal waiting for a bus ride home like nothing was happening outside. Then the dream ended there. When I woke let a sigh of relief. It gave me some perspective on life. A reminder that despite some of the overwhelming I have there's always more important I need to focus my energy on and appreciate. 

Potato Leaves

 Always. Always finds a way to ruin my day. You could tell it nicely but always chooses to be bossy and antagonistic. You can't fight back because it is a small thing that could escalate. After all, tempers flare up, and people do not care about what other people are going through just because they only care that they feel hassled or have this victim syndrome all the time. I'm so sick of having inconsequential things bother me more than it should. When?!!!

1610

 I planned something today that didn't go exactly as I wanted. The result was a bit fun, but I still have some regrets because I didn't step back when I had to. But it did alleviate some of my concerns so that's a good thing but I could have planned this better but oh well charge to experience yet again!

Seeking Story

Glad to do some new stuff while on a long weekend. Yeah, this is how I chose to spend it. More productive. And as always keeps my mind off things that worry me so much. I also like exploring new worlds, an outsize environment that gives me an escape from it all. Although I prefer a simpler, free of life's many complexities. 

Mirror, Mirror

 I'm fighting the urge not to wish ill things. I know it's just the heat of the moment that makes me think so negatively. Lord, please help me gather strength to overcome everything I am dealing with. It's too much to handle. I'm losing my grip.

Useless

I hope people will eventually realize to be careful with the words they say. Because they are just like a knife that cuts deeply.  It could make a generally sane person go mad sometimes. You just want to stay out of drama but hurtful words will provoke you to be on the negative side as well. I stay quiet most of the time because one thing I've realized as I go on with life is that there are a lot of people who just want to rant or whine, play the victim, and are not open to listening. Why bother?  Nothing will change. But I'm not gonna lie I wish to be free from it all eventually. Some bad thoughts linger and I sometimes say it out loud to myself only because I don't want more drama. And sometimes when I get it out of the system, I go back to a more relaxed perspective. Still in emotional turmoil deep inside but I could keep up the facade. 

AC

 Motivational words don't work for me anymore. It's all surface matter to me now. I live a life of misery, internal misery. I'm okay on the outside, or I try to be as much as I can because life is as hard as it is, and stirring drama will just make things worse. Nothing is gonna change anyway why should I even bother. It's a sad life so I try to find escape whenever I can but then some of those escapes also bring me so much anxiety too. So I select what I get exposed to or spend my time on. On top of all the burdens I have in life, why add unnecessary stress. I'm glad I have this space to shout out all my bottled-up feelings. It's the only thing I have that keeps me in check because it really is so difficult as I deal with so many annoying things. You know annoying is such a light word to describe all the overwhelming and soul-sucking matters I deal with.  I ramble and babble at least I don't make other people shock absorbers because as someone is playing that role, it's so hard. 

30X

 Waking up to unnecessary stress is one of the worst feelings ever. Not even 5AM and you are so stressed out already over stuff that people could have just let go because it's inconsequential but no some just want drama in their lives and feel like things revolve around their world. Suffocating, sometimes you just can't help but think of morbid thoughts because the emotional toll is just hard. But you always choose to rise and stand up even if you just want to literally escape from it all. If only people know what damage they have done because of their self-centeredness under the guise of "caring only". Maybe somehow it is true but then again people's tendency to let it be all about their 'emotional need' is just overpowering everything that love is overshadowed. How can you feel the love, if people make you feel this shattered. I still hope someday I'll be in a place in my life where I'll be okay. I'm good with boring, okay life. I'm no longer a delusional dreamer. I just want to be okay.  

Them

 Feeling a little envious. I know I shouldn't feel this and I did bring this upon myself. Still hoping for something I really want to still happen. I'm losing hope but still trying to keep a glimmer of hope that it's not over. 

No, Not That!

Inner debate to do something for personal enjoyment but will cost me some money or just do what is usual and spend less (and even earn from it although not instantly. I do think there's a window for me to do something for personal recreation but the cost is just giving me a pause. I wish I don't have to think that way all the time these days. 

Testing

I'm exhausted yet again dealing with people making this more complicated than it should be. I try to be chill and calm but negativity around just drags me down. I can't point it out though because it will just add more stress. It's so hard to be in this position really 

Rizz

So learning new slang and vocabs from the younger generation today and it's fun really. I won't use it in everyday life because it won't sound smooth but still love things evolve

Link

 Something came up finally but not exactly what I wanted and hoping for but still better than nothing. And also this will at least keep us connected for quite some time and it's not totally a no-go like what I was fearing. Hopefully, this is a glimmer of hope that will keep us in the running for the thing I'm really hoping for. 

Stories

 Hooray! I've been lamenting about my worries but moments ago some good news came in and one hopefully potential good news. Thank you Lord! Hopefully, there will be more coming in but so glad with these new blessings coming in soon!

On My Toes

 Okay, I'm very worried now.  I feel like time is just slipping by without anything significant coming. I really hope there's something that's coming soon because what is there is not enough for sustainability. How I wish I was still clueless about this stuff because as they say ignorance is bliss. Now that I'm well-aware of everything, I feel so listless because of the current status. Oh dear Lord, please let there be good news soon. 

Demands

 So many things on my plate again. And not the stuff that keeps me alive but things that while needed stress me out. Especially, some are not expressed nicely. Tone matters. I know I'm being sensitive so I do not act out on it and just bottle it up like I always do. Sweeping it under the rug is just easier than confronting it because I knew for sure it will be misconstrued. I have no mental fortitude to deal with those things anymore. 

Dry

 I feel like it is the end of that thing. Ugh. I really loved doing that but all signs are pointing that it is the end of it. So many changes have happened the past few months and key elements are shaky now. I'm sad really. I'm still clinging to hope, I'm just jumping the gun and it's all wrong. Things are on shaky ground at the moment. Hoping for some good news up ahead. Please Lord, let there be good news.

Medals

 We placed 4th in Women's Golf (tied) another close podium finish after Men's Pole Vault! We could have took home 6 medals but can't complain with our 2 golds and 2 bronzes, matching the 4 medal tally we had in Tokyo! As the Paris Olympics end, I had a fun time monitoring it. I'm not a sporty person but I love the olympics!

Runner

I have a little bit of a struggle finishing something I need to do because of many happening in between so I can't focus solely on this! Hopefully, tomorrow works out better!

Ipo

That one thing is done. I have a full plate so far but that one thing is still lacking and I'm really about its status. I love having that one because it's so enjoyable to do and something I can actually brag about! But looks like it's over and what sucks is that we don't really control what's gonna happen because we are not in direct access. I hope I was just wrong and something will come up next week. Please.

Dance in the sky

 I just finished working on something that I feel a little ambivalent about. It is a little easier than what I used to do but still what does this mean in the long run? So that's why I'm very worried especially since I have a feeling that it could be over already with the changes in the past few months. Hopefully, I'm wrong and this is not the end of this one because I love doing this, so please I hope it will continue

Projects!!

 Two of the Netflix projects I've worked on are streaming already! First I did the dubbing script for Saving Bikini Bottom; The Sandy Cheeks Movie! I also translated the songs here, it was so fun to write for a Spongebob project
!

Meanwhile, my first Filipino Audio Description project, the local movie Lolo and The Kid, is also available too! I really enjoyed doing an Audio Description project and I'm hoping for more!

29th Floor

 Work has been suspended for the past 2 days because the building caught on fire. Our floor wasn't really affected but safety precautions and such. And it's been a doozy two days, to be honest. But I'm handling getting caught in the middle of stressful stuff better this week though than in the past. I just want to be less miserable in my life and just appreciate what I can so I can have peace of mind

Yolo

 My country won a second gold medal in gymnastics! After a heartbreaking gold medal match loss in boxing at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics when I was 9, I hoped for at least one bronze for each olympics that came after but the drought was so long until in 2016 with a surprise silver in weightlifting. And now 2 editions of not just having golds but the country finishing with at least 4 medals, it feels so surreal!!!

Sick and Tired

 I have to be the mediator, the spokesperson, that one who needs to diffuse things. I'm so burned out of feeling this way, worried but also feel annoyed when I should not be because these things are not planned or anything but I can't help but always feel this way whenever I face setbacks like this in my life. Oh Lord, please help me be strong because I'm so weak. 

Sundae

I've been struggling hard dealing with mood swings by others. It's hard to defuse tension and unreasonable demands, making things more complicated than it needs to be. Then there are other unnecessary misfortunes adding up to my already full plate of stressors. It's getting hard to be stronger each day but I always try my best to be one even if deep inside I'm so broken.

26

Now something has been announced and I'm nervous that this won't be going our way because before we already knew beforehand but we are now clueless! It does not help that we are not in direct communication with them as we are just on a lower tier level but still very essential. I really hope this won't be escaping from us because I've been looking forward to it but I'm getting nervous

150

 Made a stupid mistake that could have been avoided if I were more conscious. It's just a small mistake in the grand scheme of things but nonetheless, it is so annoying and led me to feel a lot of resentment which I should not have so I'm letting this one go and will take the L on this one.  I'm generally a loser in life anyway!

Filter

A lot of things happening at the same time and tomorrow will likely be another soul-crushing moment. Hopefully, it won't be. But I'm trying to manage expectations because the air of negativity has been overwhelming lately it's so hard not to get sucked in.  I did manage to avoid some things that would bring me unnecessary stress!

Pen

I sometimes wonder what my life could be if I'm not weak-minded. If I think more about myself. If I were more audacious. If I don't feel guilty easily.  If I don't evade discomfort. I hate "What ifs" but I always fall into that trap. Especially when I feel so frustrated with my present. I wish I wasn't the rock. I  wish I wasn't the glue. I wish I didn't take the initiative. I'm tired of taking in all the negative energy because no one else will. 

Fly

 The last thing I need, there's already too much as it is, and yet it keeps pouring in. I'm so exhausted already and yet you can't speak up because it will not alleviate things but will just make things a lot worse because you know at this point there's no way people will see eye to eye. That's why I would rather be alone as much as I can. Because in solitude I can find even for just a moment peace of mind. I know it won't last but it's okay too much solitude will make me anxious about things outside my own self-imposed bubble. I'm whining I know. But I need it because if I don't put this bottled up emotions out there, I will go insane.

Bound

 I have a lot in mind right now, and then I let myself get drawn to things unnecessary in my life that cause me stress. It's not worth it to get my headspace where there are many things I need to fix and handle. I should have not room for this kind of nuisance anymore. I need to focus on things that matter. 

Judith

 Maximize my time today which is good because well I always get messy during weekends. I was able to balance things and duties. Hopefully, I can keep this up. A balance of responsibilities, productivity and some brain junk food is needed to be a well-rounder person and not fall hard to one's anxieties!

Row

 Here I go again. Thinking of so many things. You want to know but you don't want it to be confirmed. It's really so chaotic and stressful. You want to balance what your gut says and what needs to be done officially. It's nerve-wracking because you see some signs but you don't want to take the plunge. Then there's another matter bugging you. My life in the last 4 years has been nothing but this endless cycle of anxiety and worries.  That just when you think things are OK, you feel that this is too good to be true. 

Shorts

Facing increasing stress again. I don't want to feel this frustration because at the bottom of it it's all abou caring and looking after out of love. But I feel a sense of struggle because I am facing so many things to handle, it's so overwhelming! Do I still have the mental capacity to handle all these load? It's incredibly soul sucking. 

Downpour

 Work was suspended today because the typhoon really hit Metro Manila hard! It's been awhile that a typhoon of that gravity happened again in this area. I like a cold weather but typhoon really is stressful, I could tolerate the intense heat more that happen this year. Weather is just so extreme these days

Truck

 Rainy weather. Some inconveniences and dampened spirit. But it's nothing, there is something to be happy and excited about. That's what should I should focus

160

 Yeah, no matter how smooth you try to cover all bases, there's always this mishap that you will always get the short end of the stick. It's so annoying. I'm freaking tired. I want those involved to realize it on their own because despite doing all your best, you still get that awful treatment. They should know better how to treat things better. Speaking up to deaf selfish ears won't matter. A lose-lose situation so what's the point of fighting back, setting things right. Just bury deep inside like what you always do, right? Just pretend you didn't get hurt. Maybe you'll finally feel free without guilt. Without worry. But this is not it. Just bottle it all up and divert attention. That's what you always do anyway, right? Maybe someday you'll get the appreciation you deserve, Maybe it will be all worth it in the end. Maybe

Cuts

 I'm exhausted looking after things. I don't want to feel this way because the alternative is much worst given how I am such a paranoid person but I'm just perpetually tired. It's something beyond my control even if I try not to feel it but I just can't help it. I feel trapped because even if I try to escape the guilt and fear will linger on so there's no sense of peace anyway. I have no choice but deal with these things every single day. Last year, I tried to do an escape and just led to bigger consequences. So yeah, just sit down and deal with it. 

Strains

 Another thing added to my list of stressors right now. But praying hard that this will not lead to bigger and more complicated things because frankly speaking I'm having difficulty dealing with what I'm shouldering now but I just carry on. Another one will just push me even harder to misery. And I don't want to feel this way especially it affects loved ones.  I really need to be strong yet again but I'm so overwhelmed with everything.  

Eyy!

As things dry up, I am getting paranoid again!  I hope something comes up soon because I really don't want to be stressed again about this matter. But I need to calm down and just hope and pray, new windows will open soon. 

Yeah, Again.

 I really should have not raised my hopes up because now I'm disappointed and admittedly prematurely at that. It's the same rodeo with so much uncertainty. Same process and perhaps the same result. I wish it was not but I've seen this before and most of the time it ends up like this. I will just have to carry on again and hope for the best later on. 

Hope so

In less than an hour, something will happen which I hope will lead to fruitful results. We really need it.  As I see things dwindle, I start to panic already although I need to relax really because it's not an alarming level yet but I'm just so paranoid that any signs of weakness gives me so much scared already. I hope to hear good news tomorrow. 

Interrupted

I could do so much if I didn't get interruptions every now and then. Some of my own doing but some are out of the blue anxiety inducing moments that really ruins my process because my goes haywire and I can't find the energy to finish things. And I need it so bad now. 

17811

 Finished quite a lot today then tomorrow, I will take on yet another challenge, it's something that's more difficult but I survived it last week so I can again this time. But still kinda scared of things because it is drying up but hopefully something comes soon enough!

Junk

I've been trying to avoid exposing my self too much with anxiety-inducing world affair news . Sometimes, I can't resist and everytime I do, it instantly reminds why I avoid it in the first place. I just don't the head space to handle those things anymore. 

YR

I got sucked again in a time warp of some sort. Drunk in nostalgia! But there's always that nice, comfortable feeling that this gives you. But it could be misleading so you need to manage everything as well and not fall too deep into just everything all good in the past, everything now bad. We just look sometimes at rose-colored glasses. 

CALL

I hope this potential will come to fruition. I've learned to manage expectations and not raise my hopes but always cling to hope. Chapters are closing so I really hope there will be new chapters to open soon. Praying hard for it. 

Oh My

 I'm feeling better now physically speaking but mentally troubled again with so many things bothering me again. And I chose to escape by doing inconsequential nonsense stuff. Let tomorrow be where I get things back to usual. It's been quite chaotic past 2 days for me.

Sick

Under the weather now. First time in awhile I have gotten sick so I took a leave from work today. I had a throbbing head and had chills but good thing I feel a little better now, not totally cured yet so I'm taking another leave tomorrow just to be sure. I have things to do but I won't be thinking about it that much.

Argh!

Out of all times that I feel under the weather it had to be today when I'm close to finishing something quite hard to do. I'm really struggling to finish it off because the medicine I drank is making me sleepy! I want to finish this tonight but the bed is calling! What to do? 

Clear

Accompanied my mother for her cataract surgery and things went well. It's just one eye though because we just want to take it slowly so she won't get overwhelmed. The wait was long but the actual operation was short and Nanay said she didn't feel anything bad, thank God

Kuan

 

Nanay enjoyed this. Hearing her mother tongue spoken by celebrities was a treat for her. She enjoyed explaining some things to me. I do understand a little bisaya because growing up my parents would say it or mix it up with their tagalog. This is such a good idea for a show and looking forward to the next episodes. 

Dig

 Went to some places today to handle some stuff and it was okay in general except for some areas with traffic due to roadworks which conveniently happens when elections are near. So yeah!

Back

 In another twist, what I thought canceled was reversed! So it will happen now. I'm quite pleased although it gave me some stress but what's important is it is pushing though! Hoping for more positive news in the days to come. 

Kibosh

 Something I was working hard on the past 2 days had an unexpected change. Honestly, I'm annoyed but what I can do about it right? No one's fault though. Circumstances just weren't ideal. Anyway, there are still to work and I do hope I'll be able to make things happen. Stil hoping for some new doors to open again because I'm a little anxious already. 

Charts

 As a chart geek, seeing the Philippines Hot 100 licensed by Billboard was nice. This is not the first time though, there was an authorized Billboard PH Hot 100 too in 2017 but it shut down in early 2018 barely lasting a year. I hope this will last longer. I would have killed to have worked for Billboard PH a decade ago but I'm not that kind of chart geek anymore. Still, chart watching will always be a thing I would love to casually follow now.