Aftermath

 The feeling of euphoria blinded me and before I go too far, I'm putting the brakes on. I've realized I willingly fooled myself into a fantasy but now I have come to my senses that this isn't it. It's all an illusion and I need to step away. But still thankful I've experienced it because it's still a learning experience after all. I am sad though but I'll get over it.

Threat

 I'm getting worried about some thing already and each day I hope that there will be news coming but there are just trickles and just leads. Then I just found out something that makes things even more vulnerable. I hope like before it will just pass and opportunities come in again. I've been stressing about that perhaps that led to me some impulse decisions that gave me some temporary escape but as it is temporary, I keep coming back to this listless state. 

Charm

 After a rough time yesterday, glad to have a good day today. It was really goood! I'm afraid that something bad could happen because of the euphoria I felt today but nope I will not let negativity get me down again, I want to savor today where I felt something I never did before. So pleasing. 

Crestfallen

 What I've been fearing has happened again. I am so scared and tired and frustrated and devastated. I had a feeling it will happen again but now it is actually happening I have no words to say. I want to step back and just let things be. My attitude could just add up to the multitudes of stress. I'm struggling to cope up with this again. Lord, please hear my prayer.

A Week

 What happened a week ago is still on my mind. I'm still tormented by the feeling of failure but also the desire to do it again and make it work. I'm afraid to take a risk again but I do know if you stay in your lane all the time that feeling of regret and resentment just grows and I don't want that. Hopefully, I will find the answer eventually. 

Declutter

 So I did nothing important but discuss shallow entertainment stuff on message boards. It's actually quite good not to be thinking about serious matters for a while especially what I've gone through the past week, It was quite brutal but I will be fine and make things better. Hopefully, next week will be better and some of the things I want will come to fruition

Figure

 Thinking over that thing again I feel like making that mistake was essential to me to learn more about myself. It was a big failure that I haven't mode on yet but as I process my emotion, I'm realizing things I haven't thought about before. Not sure if it just me rationalizing to make me feel better or have I genuine breakthrough but nonetheless despite the result, it was a pivotal in my life I will never forget.

And yet

 The failure of that risk is still on my mind. I don't want to take such a risk again and yet a part of me wants to gamble again. I want it for myself. I want to find success in this matter so bad but my rational self is reminding me how much I've lost with the first attempt. I knew what I could potentially lose when I took that risk and I thought that if I failed, that would stop me from trying it again but what am I doing now? Thinking about giving it another go and maybe learning from the mistakes of the first one. the second try could be more meaningful to me. Confused.

Certified

 I still can't help but dwell on my loser moment because it was such a big deal to me. I should have know better but I was clinging to the hope that the risk will pay off and that thing I've been wanting for so many years will be fulfilled but alas it wasn't. And I really made a fool out of myself. So embarrassing. So frustrating. So depressing

Elements

Elemental is so good! A wonderful love story that hit the right emotions! Love it so much, the romance works so well I didn't expect to feel that way for two non-human characters especially when they first held hands? The sparks!

I also like that this isn't the usual animated story of the characters going on an adventure to reach somewhere. It really is more of a relationship and personal connection movie so having no villain really works for its format.

The animation is stellar as one could expect with Pixar. The water and fire I could just imagine how long and intricate the process were.

 And this song was so perfectly used in the movie

Flop

 One thing I was anticipating for and my worst scenario happened. Now that I know the actuality it just makes me feel more like a loser and I did this to myself. Lesson learned. i was not cut out for it. I know the chances were high that it would be a disaster but I did it anyway. Rationalizing that now I won't be longing for ot anymore because of what happened. I am so sad but I need to move on from this.

GM

It's only here that I can say I'm exhausted. I just don't have the guts to tell it to someone in person. It feels more real and there are more repercussions if you do that. There's no such as opening up and will be okay after our tears are shed. It's a fantasy we live in the fictionalized content. Oh, I hate that word content. Devalues works of art. Oh, I hate that word to art it feels too condescending. Basically, I'm like this. Scatterbrain. I don't know where to stand in life. I'm annoyed, stressed, and depressed. 

Within

 I wish I could write what I am picturing in my head. Maybe it's something that's going to make an impact. But no it is just a delusion. For a few minutes, I'm transported to somewhere exciting, relaxing, and fun. I wish it's something I can make happen. Maybe? I don't know. It's an inner battle I have been dealing with whenever I face hurdles, no matter how small in the grand scheme of things, in life. 

Reports

There are impending things that will requite a lot of me and I'm ready for it but somehow it is making me want to do something I was hesitant at first just because maybe I need to do it so I can be more I don't know encouraged to face things head on? Or maybe I just some little break before bigger challenges. I'm figuring it myself as I go along with life 

Bothered

Here we go again. Perhaps. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. My head is spinning with so many things I worry about. I have to be strong. I have to be calm. I have to be brave. Oh Lord, please help me manage my emotions for the better of everyone. I can't manage to lose it.

Peek

 Sometimes when you had a taste of something, it will keep you wanting more but your brain is telling you to stop because it is the right thing to do. But reminding you to stop also makes the urge to break it higher. Life is so complicated. 

Overeager

 Some good leads today and I hope it all works out so I can finally feel at ease. It's been worrying me a lot because I fear instability. I don't want that. I need this one aspect of my life to be okay. Well, it is OK but I don't want to see a potential for vulnerability.  But to be honest, I just worry too much.

More please

Each time I check for something new, most of the time I fail. I should have not gotten myself too involved but here we go and I'm now quite nervous. Hopefully, something more is on the horizon. 

Conodrum

 I've been having trouble concentrating right now. I don't have the energy to do something that I put myself in without thinking properly. I should have foreseen this but I was too messy to not realize I am putting myself at a disadvantage. Maybe if there was something else to make up for this, I will feel better. But I guess I am in my selfish era... at least just in my thoughts because no matter what this sinking feeling is, I will do what is right. 

Worried Sick

 Trying not to think something bad is gonna happen and that I'm distracting myself over nonsense things because if I face it head-on, I will be just torturing myself and won't be able to function well. Oh this is tough, Lord please, don't let this thing in my mind happen, 

Precedent

 I'm getting nervous about something that could happen again. I'm trying to brush it off but I can't help but feel it from time and time again. Oh dear Lord, I hope this fear of mine will not happen. I beg you please

Information

 Thank goodness, one thing I was hoping happened today. But I wish for more because I'm being paranoid already about future sustainability. And also that other issue hopefully gets resolved so effort won't be wasted! Oh, there's another thing that's been caught in between transition, I was so tempted to do the initiative but good thing I realized that this wasn't my lane and I have no right to do so. But hopefully more will be coming in the weeks ahead, let it pour please!

Ever

 

The final season of Never Have I Ever is now streaming over at Netflix Check out the Filipino-dubbed version of all 4 seasons! I translated five episodes including the finale.  This show is very fun to do!

Shall

 I finished working on the script of this project which was based on a famous classic novel. Working on this project made me curious about the novel. Maybe someday I'll read it and not just rely on Wikipedia but it really won't be that easy given my time but we shall see

Across

 We got sent home early from work today because there was a floor in the building that caught fire. It was controlled immediately and thankfully was not big enough to cause bigger problems but still to be safe we were sent home and that was before lunchtime. It was too early to go home so I decided to watch a movie and I chose Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse and the animation was mindblowing! The story was engaging and it ended on a cliffhanger because the final movie is set for next year! I can't wait to watch it!

Hence

Quite a challenging work I'm doing now. I need to use specific words to make it sound authentic but not too try-hard. I made some progress today so hopefully I can finish this tomorrow!

Tolstoy

 I'm a bit off my game today because it's not urgent hopefully tomorrow I'll be more in tune with what I need to finish. I did have a good nap today which is nice. Hoping some good news will welcome me on  the week ahead to fuel me more. I'm getting worried about some things really and it's affecting me so much.

First!

 My Nephew had his first field trip since the pandemic started and also his first without his mom or me as his guardian! Well, he is 14 years so about time really and I'm happy for him to taste some indepedence too. But time flies, he'll be turning 15 in a few months! But glad he is shaping to be a smart boy!

Changes

 I was researching something and somehow ended up on Linkedin. I had an account for so many years but I don't really use it except for sometimes updating it. I've been with the same company for nearly 14 years so there's nothing much to update but I've been looking at the job history of friends and acquaintances and it's interesting where they are now. Before, I would feel insecure comparing myself to them but this time around I didn't feel that way. I'm really fine where I am right now. The pandemic really changed how I view things now. 

Thinning

 While I received some blessings today, I'm getting a little angsty about the future because it's not as loaded as it used to be. Hoping it pours soon because I'm quite paranoid. I want a good problem again. But maybe it's okay if there is a slowdown but I don't want to it last long. Hopefully, some good news will arrive soon.