Sold

I was on a roll then made the mistake of taking a peak elsewhere and now I'm sad again because of reading about this development. It does not affect me directly but I've been way emotionally invested about it so I can't help but feel sad. Damage is still there and I dunno for how long. I should just completely give up on it because you know no personal connection but still, it's just sad. It represents something deeper if I think things through. 

Automated

My friend who is in the outsourcing industry lost her job today due to redundancy but they all know it's because the company they are working for is pivoting to AI. Just scary times really. That's one of my worries that the industry I am in gets usurped by AI too. Hopefully not.

Playback

I've been in 90s/early 00s teen pop music Youtube rabbit hole these days especially the ones who didn't have that much legacy or longevity like Five, B*Witched, BBMak, Plus One and one that surprised me was Billie Piper, I've read her mentioned about her because she's a respected TV actress now but I didn't know I knew 2 of her songs (Because I Want To and Day & Night) until recently!  Anyway, of course I have the classic ones so to speak like Westlife and Backstreet Boys. YouTube is like a time machine. Nice to look back and give you that feeling of that time again when you are still young and have zest in life. Glad to have that time. 

Compartmentalizing

I'm still worried! Trying my best to control things though and I believe I did job controlling it so as not to affect other people and me as well. I really some good news will happen this week because it will definitely help my mood because I have something to look forward too. Oh, how I miss that one thing we lost. It made me so proud. Tough luck. 

RF

 I really try my best not to make mountains out of molehills but I'm getting tested always. Why should I always be the one to handle these things? I'm so annoyed, always me. If I complain there will be reaction that I can't deal too. So getting tired to be in this kind of situation, always adjusting to everyone all the time. 

Reset

I didn't have anything immediate so I let myself wander and waste time again it was fun at first but I got annoyed with something so insignificant again. So yeah, stepping back again because I don't have too much emotional investment on what's supposed to be just for fun. I have real  things to deal with so I don't need that energy in my life. 

Rodeo

  It's hard to muster enthusiasm these days for some of the things I am passionate about. You feel the struggle. You feel the odds are against you. You want to feel hopeful but you don't want your heart to get broken when it ultimately fails. It's a tough road to take but you really can just stay on the same place so you need to keep on moving hoping for the best. 

Fifty Five

 Just when I learned to accept to let that thing go, something came in that will basically replace it. Thank God! I feel a little better now that at least I get a chance to make up from walking away from that one. 

Thirty Five

 Since this mishap happened twice already and there's one common dominator here, I can't help but think I really should take a pause overcompensating. I would still do help out and assist but not to my detriment anymore. Sometimes, I feel like it's a selfish thing to do but I always help out and I don't think it's bad to set some limits, right? I feel guilty to think this way but I'm getting affected already or maybe I'm just finding things to blame? All this will be solved if something that fits will arrive soon so everything can have one. Oh! It's quite bothering me. I wish the mistakes didn't happen so I don't feel down again. 

Seeing Double

 Since I'm non-confrontable and I try to avoid issues as much as possible I decided to let something go instead of correcting it because I'm afraid of the complications that would arise from it. That's one of the thing I hate about myself but I'm just too paranoid and overthinker. Oh well...

Electric

 Things are looking up, hoping I don't jinx of course. I was really worried but thank God the rays of hope are coming. I always get like this, so freaking scared of losing everything. I always want assurance things are gonna be okay. I know that isn't how life works but constant struggle is exhausting. Then again, I don't give up completely although I torture myself internally but outside of course I always handle myself better and even cheer up other people's morale as a way to help myself as well.

Now, I still hope that one comes back. It's basically over but I still cling to little hope it may return. I really loved that. 

This Shall Pass Hopefully.

 Sometimes I wish my mind was set on something else. A business mind. A scientific mind. A ruthless mind. My creative and soft mind didn't allow me to prosper. I hate to admit but it is the truth. I wish I was tougher and a go-getter. I enjoy what I do but times like this when there's so much needed to be done that what I have is preventing to reach further heights, I often think about what ifs. It's not healthy I know but I can't help myself from feeling this way. I wish to feel better soon because I hate having these lingering thoughts. 

Restless

 I want to take time off for myself but it's just hard for me to do that. No place and time for that. I used to squeeze that before but something changed and I couldn't do it anymore. I miss having those times but it's not the same anymore, too many things factoring in that I simply can't do it. Because taking time off will just make me think of things I need to worry about too that I'm just trying to escape. At least I get good sleep though, that's enough for now. 

Treat

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Nothing really alarming but just me having a difficult time because I'm a nervous wreck. Always scared things could fall apart. I read a quote online and I'm paraphrasing this that the things that torture us is 99% of how we treat this issue than the issue itself which is the exact description of my personal ordeals. I wish I could know how to handle this better. To give myself credit, I don't lash out to anyone. It's just me dealing with it internally. I just want to avoid further complications because I know for a fact if I do last out, it's me who will lose out in the end.

The Heart

Unlike other single people (especially men), I don't hate this day in fact even with the commercialization of it all, I'm a sucker for anything romantic so I like that there's a day to celebrate love. Do I sometimes feel envious? Of course but I know reality is different and I can't handle things like that. I have too much baggage and other personal matters to take care of to have space for that in my life. Sometimes I dream about what if I had a wife and my own family, but my mind always snaps back to reality and I know that it is not just feasible for me. I mean, I wrote here years ago when I was a teen that I felt I'm just not destined for that and now in my late 30s, I'm right. I just knew it back then. I made my peace with it and I'm not really desperate for affection either. Because the past few years, I just wanted to settle for general peace of mind, I don't want to complicate my life further and drag someone else too. But do I like seeing people in love? Absolutely. 

Splurge

 Whenever I see people online spend so much on hobbies and stuff, I can't help but be annoyed and yes jealous. I wish to have that dispensable money to spare. I never thought I would be ever in this position to be in a way the breadwinner. It's so tough but I need to march. Lord, please guide me.

Buffalo

 Sense of dread is here again. I feel restless, there's something I need to do but this lingering feeling is once again affecting me. I don't want this to be a habit but I'm getting scared of the future. I need some good news to happen soon to give me a boost. Just difficult when you worry on things you have no control with. Add to that are unexpected things that made things more complicated. Please Lord, let some good news happen soon. 

Listen up!

I'm not really into rap songs except  those with pop flavor, but watching Kendrick Lamar's Superbowl Halftime show engrossed me. I knew the hits (Humble, Not Like Us, and Luther) but the others I was not familiar with caught my attention. Another rapper that caught my attention lately is Doechi, Denial is a River is masterclass storytelling with such good flow. She and Kendrick really made me appreciate the power of storytelling in music regardless of genre. Once it connects, it hits no matter what

Interesting.

What a busy weekend for me and glad I was able to do both tasks while still doing house errands. I only have one pending not immediately due but I hope finish it up soon and also receive more new stuff to come in. I need and want to be busy and hopefully new stuff will be coming soon as well. 

Mamihasa

 Finished doing this enjoyable but quite hard task. I have one more thing left to do and have limited time to pull it off as well. I got lucky because the other person involved is very nice but I can't be complacent too because everything has a limit and I don't want to push that. So I'll sleep do my Sunday home tasks then off to finish this thing. FOCUS!!!!

Truffle

 I've been working on something quite tricky to do. And what kinda sucks is that it's not a sure thing too. Just a demo. A sample. So I need to work extra hard to make this good and hopefully will land us with something nice in the end. I really want to get this too! So back to working on it now!

Rising

 Finish another dubbing project today. It was a bit more time-consuming than I originally intended but it was a good show to work on. I enjoyed doing it because the story is so good and engaging. Now on to the next (hopefully!)

No Matter What

 Watching a documentary on DailyMotion now. It is kind of amazing Daily Motion is still here after all these years despite YouTube reaching great heights. I guess it is being relatively small helps to find some gems you could never find on YouTube. 

Pantry

I've seen an unnecessary thing earlier on. I'm not involved but somehow I feel it was the wrong approach. But then again not in the position to make a comment about it. I can't help but feel it will alienate people and could lead to bigger problems on the horizon. But well mind my own business I guess and just focus on myself because I'm not the one to deal with other issues when my plate is already full. 

Bente

 I posted this 20 years ago! I discovered about blogging on PEx too so I tried it out. 20 years!!! It's been that long. This small smace online has been a home of sorts. And I really Google will keep blogspot running for many years to come!

Yue

I was working on something that gave me some little annoyance because I felt like I kinda got shortchanged of my own doing but it was something I really got engaged doing. It's about to end now and I hope another one in similar nature comes in soon because I do like working on stuff like this but hopefully, next time I manage things better so I don't felt like I got my

Back Up

 After almost a month of doing channel grids again, I finally found my groove and developed a system that makes things more efficient. I still miss TeleNovela Channel from time to time, I really enjoyed overseeing the channel's operations but glad to do programming grids again for another cable channel. I really join in mapping things out and planning the schedules and all. It's been quite a busy week with doing that while also balancing writing/editing dubbing scripts too. I sometimes get a little overwhelmed and get frustrated but then again glad to be busy at the end of the day. 

Dodged

It was a chaotic week for me but well more on the inside only. As always I didn't share everything I'm dealing with. Just blurting it out here... vaguely. Let's face it, speaking out what I truly feel will just add more stress and I'd rather solve things immediately even though I have to make sacrifices. It's okay because it is better than emotional torture. Despite some recent stress-inducing moments, I'm so grateful I didn't make a big mistake and boy it was so close.  Thank you Lord for guiding me.