My Hot 100 for 2025

 

1. Multo  - Cup of Joe

2. Kahel na Langit - Maki 

3. Konsensya - IV of Spades

4. Saranggola - Ben & Ben

5.  Luther - Kendrick Lamar and SZA

6. Tibok - Earl Agustin

7. Blink Twice - BINI

8. DENIAL IS A RIVER- Doechi

9. Like JENNIE - JENNIE

10. Soda Pop - Saja Boys

11. Ordinary - Alex Warren

12. Camera - Ed Sheeran

13. The Subway - Chappell Roan

14. Daises - Justin Bieber

15. Man I Need - Olivia Dean

16. Sports Car - Tate McRae

17. Opalite - Taylor Swift

18.  GNARLY - KATSEYE

19.  Back to Friends - Sombr

20. DUNGKA! - SB19

21. Handlebars - JENNIE feat Dua Lipa

22. Aura - IV of Spades

23. Shagidi - BINI

24.  Sapphire - Ed Sheeran 

25. Nanaman - IV of Spades 

26. Sao Paulo - The Weekend feat Annita

27. Andito Lang - BGYO

28. Gabriela - KATSEYE

29. Manchild - Sabrina Carpenter

30. Golden - Huntrix

31. Stepper - Good Charlotte

32. Young and Dumb - Avril Lavigne and Simple Plan

33. Pink Pony Club - Chappell Roan

34. Umaaligid - Sarah Geronimo and SB19

35. Push 2 Start - Tyla 

36. Cool - Michael Clifford

37. All These Ladies - BGYO

38. So Easy (to Fall in Love) - Olivia Dean  

39. Blue - yung kai

40.  DtMF - Bad Bunny

41. The Fate of Ophelia - Taylor Swift

42. Just Keep Watching - Tate McRae 

43. Folded - Kehlani

44, Happy Ending - Rob Deniel 

45.  Naiilang - Le John  

46. Drive - Ed Sheeran

47. Undressed - Sombr

48. Hard to Be Happy - Rob Thomas

49. Leave Me Alone - Renee Rap

50. Sorry I'm Here for Someone Else - Benson Boone 

51. Wag Paglaruan - Fana and Tiara Shaye   

52. Bughaw - Maki

53, Up from the Bottom - Linkin Park

54. Zero Pressure - BINI

55. Toxic Til The End - ROSE

56. Back to Bliss - Kyla

57.  End of the World - Miley Cyrus   

58. Mr. Electric Blue - Benson Boone

59. Abracadabra - Lady Gaga

60. I Always Wanted a Brother - Mufasa cast

61. Headphones On - Addison Rae

62. ExtraL - JENNIE feat Doechi

63. First Luv - BINI

64.  Anxiety - Doechi

65. BMF -SZA

66. Rock DJ (Better Man version) - Robbie Williams

67. Bababa - 1621

68.  Oscar Winning Tears - RAYE

69. Messy - Lola Young

70.  Free - Rumi & Jinu

71. Suliranin - IV of Spades

72. Chariot - Westlife 

73. Ms. Pakipot - Adie

74. Dracula - Tame Impala

75. Slipping Through (No Kings) - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

76. Mystical Magical - Benson Boone

77. DAM - SB19 

78. Parachute - Hayley Williams

79.  MANLOLOKO - Zach Tabudlo

80.  Easy Come, Easy Go - The All-American Rejects 

81. Slow Motion - Marshmello and Jonas Brothers

82. Pahinga - James Reid and TJ Monterde

83. Rejects - Good Charlotte

84. How It's Done - Huntrix

85. Shook - Sugababes

86. If He Wanted to He Would - Perrie

87. Nissan Altima - Doechi

88, Estranghero - Cup of Joe

89. Love, Joy, Hope - Various Artists

90. The Man Who Can't Be Loved - James Morrison

91, Sandbox - The All-American Rejects

92. Did I Say Too Much - The Beaches

93. In It With You - Craig David and Jojo

94. 12 to 12 - Sombr

95. Sandali - Cup of Joe

96. Dance with My Mistakes - Lola Amour

97. Lover Girl - Laufey

98. Jealous Type - Doja Cat

99. Throwback - The Click Five

100.  Survive - Lewis Capaldi

My Hot 100 for 2024

My Hot 100 for 2023

My Hot 100 for 2022

My Hot 100 for 2021

My Hot 100 for 2020

My Hot 100 for 2019

My Hot 100 for 2018

My Hot 100 for 2017

My Hot 100 for 2016

My Hot 100 for 2015

My Hot 100 for 2014

 My Hot 100 for 2013

My Hot 100 for 2012 
My Hot 100 for 2011
My Hot 100 for 2010
My Hot 100 for 2009  
My Hot 100 for 2008
My Hot 100 for 2007

Lists!!

Favorite Movies of 2025 

1. One Battle After Another 

2. Sinners

3. Zootopia 2

4. Ne Zha 2

5. Meet, Greet and Bye

6. Elio

7. Kontrabida Academy

8. House of Dynamite

9. In Your Dreams

10. Kpop Demon Hunters

Previous:

2024

2023

2022

2021

2020

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015
2014
2013
2012
2011

Favorite TV Comedy Episodes of 2025

1. Abbott Elementary Season 5, Episode 6 "No Phones"

2. The Paper Season 1 Episode 10 "The Ohio Journalism Awards"

3. Adults Season 1 Episode 7 "Annabelle"

4. George & Mandy's First Marriage Season 1 Episode 20 "Ladis Love Brunch"

5.  Running Point Season 1 Episode 6 "The Yips"

6.  Only Murders in the Building Season 5 Episode 2 "After You"

7. Hacks Season 4 Episode 1 "Big, Brave Girl"

8. St. Denis Medical Season 1 Episode 11  "Nobody Even Mentions the Brownies!"

9. The Chair Company Season 1 Episode 1 ""Life goes by too f**king fast, it really does."

10. Nobody Wants This Season 2 Episode 2 "Leave It All to The Tree"

Previous: 2024, 2023, 2022, 2021 2020,2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013,2012

Awarded

 I've been a frequent poster at Spotted Ratings for nearly a decade already because of my interest is US TV and it's development process and such. Another user organized an awards for posters and I won one award for Best Foreign Member! It's a small thing but still a nice feeling nonetheless!

Engrossed

 My sister and nephew watched IMPERFECT earlier. This is the Best Picture of MMFF this year. I asked him when he got home how's the movie and he said he was pissed, I thought he didn't like but as it turns out he didn't like the ending of a character and my sister said he was into the movie and made some comments while watching it. That's nice because I do really want him to get into movies and basically longer stuff than the short stuff/easy payoff Internet stuff they have been accustomed to. Anyway, planning to watch the movie and Call Me Mother once I get the time (and money!)

Validated

My decision not to do pursue what I was planning to do yesterday proved to be a good thing because I had to do something else today that wouldn't have worked efficiently if I really went to do what I wanted to do yesterday! So yeah, sucks a little but at least I wouldn't get that frustrated!

Conserve

So I decided not to do what I planned to today. I made the right call because pursuing that would be such a waste but I gotta be honest I wish had the leeway to do that but I have to be practical. I don't want to  end the year with terrible decisions!

Christmas

 It was a simple Christmas day for me. Just rested at home, slept in the afternoon, needed that! I was so tired for the past few months, well years to be honest! A day that is just basically nothing hard is very much needed! I plan to to do some things tomorrow or maybe not...! Let's wait and see!

It's Christmas All Over The World

Christmas eve! And this song will always get me in an emotional but holiday mood! I've never seen the movie where this came from but the song is just so good!

Zoh

I had a body massage and it felt good! The blind massage therapists are really good in hitting the sore spots. I want to get another one before the year ends so I will welcome the year physically refreshed!  Holiday break for the next few days and hopefully there won't be things that would stress me out. I need a break and just do nothing of importance!

Ollie

 One task left and done for now! It's proving to be a challenge though but I can do it! Just continue swimming and I'll get this done soon, let's go!

Space

 Lazy day and also sleepy day. I want full relaxation though because there are still stessful things in between. But you know I don't want to be ungrateful because things are still generally good. But hopefully I can find some space for me.

Names

 Got stressed over some thing that I shouldn't stressed over but the approach was off! So annoyed! But I had to keep my composure and not make a big fuss out of it even if was so irritating! But I always to be the person who must understand

Ham

Hoping I will be able to accomplish my goal this weekend but for now I need to recharge, it was a very tiring week, well, 2 weeks to say the least. Just one more thing left I need to finish so I can cleared of all things needed before the holidays. But I'm already preparing for stuff I need to accomplish for 2026 because I need to be busy because of various reasons! A little stressed but thankful overall. 

Homestretch

 I'm  nearing the finishing all things I need to do. It's been quite challenging but it's been fun and that's what matters that even if it's hard to catch up with time, doing it takes me to a place where I could escape! This is what makes me hold on!

Avatar!!!

 My nephew which is basically the same age when Avatar came out told me he's gonna watch Fire and Ash. I was surprised, he's not really into movies ever since he became a teenager (video games is his life) much less watch something in a theater! Apparently, he watched the first 2 movies on Disney+ and wanna watch the third to have the theater experience of the visuals. I do wonder if a lot of the roblox/minecraft teens are interested in this because he told me his online game friends will also watch. If I think about it, this movie certainly appeals to the world-building that the Minecraft/Roblox generation likes.

Subside

 When the going gets tough I tend to forget things but now after learning of another sad moment, it reminds me despite all the setbacks, I really should be grateful no matter what. It's still better than what could have been. I always need to be reminded because when I get overwhelmed I really go on a spiral internally speaking. 

Bummer

 Another setback, not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but still something I felt bad. My fault too as well, I was too complacent yet again. I need to do better next time! I have to!

Down

Felt really sick today and the power went out in the afternoon. It was a rough afternoon. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow!

Bull

 Finished something again while I'm a bit under the weather. Tomorrow, I guess I could rest?  But in some kind of momentum so I want to go on and take advantage of it. But not, let's pause. I still have things pending for next week so need to recharge. Hopefully my sipon goes away soon!

13th

 Nearly done with something and I still have a few on my list to finish as well! I'm actually in the mood to do it all! Received the blessings today! Well, it's still not the same as before due to mitigating circumstances but I understand, as long as we survive. Better days ahead, claiming it!

I Don't Want to Jinx it...

 .....but I'm so happy that today didn't turn out the way I feared! Things got a little worrisome earlier and I even question myself many times on what to do but eventually I did the right thing and thank you Lord for some good news. Of course, as always, I can't rest on my laurels but still so grateful for this! Thank you, Dear Lord

Partners

What I thought was potential bad news was not the case. Yeah, sometimes I'm just too paranoid! But nice to be wrong although what's to come is still a challenge but at least it's not an actual scary thing I was conjuring up in my mind!

Choi

 Worked so hard again today but I did get help which is a relief really. Glad to know I have someone I trust who can help me out. I wish could do more for this person, though if I only the means to go beyond. Anyway, next two days, I will face some challenging situations. So help me God. Internaally, I'm so tired but gotta keep marching on

Absorb

 Some things never change. So repetitive but oh well I'm afraid a chage could also bring me stress! Can't win either way! I  just deal with things the best way I can at the moment!

Up Ahead

 The next 3 days will be hectic. I wanted to do a headstart today but I hold it off. Hopefully tomorrow I can maximize everything so things will be less frantic and chaotic! And hopefully some good news too! 

You Go!

 Busy hectic day! I slacked off a little at the start but at least I pulled myself together and went ahead to do what is needed! There were some annoying disturbance earlier on but I tried my best to be patient and went to continue! And now I'm close, let's go1

Here Again

 I got bothered again about something that is not connected to me personally but I'm attached to because it is sort of a passion. I hate being bothered by something that's so inconsequential in my real life but I can't help it. I need to detach again from that because I don't have the capacity to engage in something that causes me unnecessary anxiety on top of my real anxiety-triggering incidents!

#SpotifyWrapped2025

 As a music chart geek, #SpotifyWrapped is always a treat. I like the presentation this year! I like taking a peak at my listening stats! They have this new "Your Listening Age" feature and they mine is 18 because I listen to mostly new music but then again my top album is a Westlife album from 20+ years ago so much for that listening age ahha! My top podcasts have two audio/radio dramas because Nanay loves listening and she does marathons of this every weekend when I'm at home!''

Paper Charms

 A little annoyed but also concerned. I have to support while I'm so worried about a lot of things. I really need to stay calm because others depend on me to be the cushion. I understand the situation but I admit it's exhausting to do a balancing act. To stay low-key so others won't be to privy on you. It's hard but gotta march on.

Vessel

 See, that's why I never want to feel happy because I know it won't last, there's always something that will spoil it one way or another. There's always a catch. I just can't feel stable, every single day something will happen that will annoy me, hassle me, frustrate me, worry me. I know that's how life is and others had it worse so I have to be grateful, but even taking those into perspective, I can't help but feel so much despair even if matters that shouldn't be a big deal. I don't know how I can fix it. It's so tiring kiving this way. 

Love, Joy, Hope

 It's December! Trying to get into the holiday spirit by listening to the new ABS-CBN CSID song. It's a tradition. It's not as good as previous years to be honest but it grew on me and ABS CBN CSID songs always have that charm no matter what that still helps me get some holiday spirit despite the many worries in my mind! 

Kutitap

Hey, there! It's December tomorrow! I wish I could feel the same excitement I had but oh well I long accepted it will never be the same. But we put on a lantern at our house today, it was a hand me down from my brother's boss. It's an expensive lantern and it looks lovely. It brought some magic but then some things just gave me another sinking feeling. Oh well, let's go and move on. 

Zumba

 Always finding an issue to get worked up on. I am so tired but hey gotta put on a brave face and and pretend not to get affected by the endless barrage of ranting and feeling victimized.  Oh well. Another day, same dillemma. 

Shade

Yeah, beginning to see some problematic patterns. Still generally nice, but I've been seeing the loopholes here and there. I also feel like they are constantly seeking trouble too when they could avoid it. Unfortunate for me because I am trapped in the middle of it all. No where to go. Just need to soldier on as always. 

Pup

 Only 15 minutes left and I'll check off one thing on my to-do list, I have two, actually 3 more to do. Come on, let's do this. I really need it badly! I'm just annoyed because there are underlying things that comes with pushing to do this. I made accommodations for the last 3 years or so to my detriment. Recently, I chose to put my foot down because I've had enough of the unnecessary stress that I have to face. Hopefully, nothing will happen to force me to do it again. 

Environment

 I'm getting stressed absorbing other people's stress! Why do I have to be this person who people are comfortable venting their worries, annoyance and grudges! I totally get it, people need an outlet to speak their heart and I appreciate that they trust me but it's getting too much and I'm afraid I will snap at them one time and say don't make things such a big deal! I don't want to happen. Lord, please help me be strong mentally and emotionally, it's so hard. 

Juggle

Oh, so many things to do this week and I hope I can accomplish them excellently! Things will be overwhelming, but this is what I wanted anyway! So let's go and do it all! But now I have to sleep to recharge!

Kevin

 Listened to a very good episode of the podcast Heavyweight (Kevin). It's about two long-lost friends who finally got in touch with each other again. Both had difficult and traumatic childhoods but their childhood friendship held them together. What happened all those years when they got separated abrupty was quite riveting to listen to. They were open and vulnerable when they were telling their storie and it really left a huge impact to me! I will listen to it again!

By Proxy

While doing my weekly palengke run, I bought on a fish stall that I haven't tried before because my usual sukis are jampacked with people and this one had no one it so might as well try and while the vendor was cleaning he asked me if I'm the brother mentioning my Kuya's name and when I confirmed it, he suddently gave me a discount. That's quite nice and yeah maybe I'll buy again next week!

Flash

During moments of impatience and weakness, I try my best to get over it quickly because I'm scared that I'm neglecting the present so much and things could go worse so I should be thankful. I really am. Especially every once in while I will see things that really makes me sad and scared too. I feel like that it's some kind of reminder to me to be appreciative and not give up no matter what. 

Bare

 So without planning to do I became totally honest someone moments ago. Something I've been keeping for so long. Something that has been torturing me for quite some time. Let's just say I pushed myself to do things because of pressure. I felt free. There's a tinge of worry too but at least I spoke my mind. What I truly feel. May I make better decisions soon. 

Wild Boar

 Glad something pulled through just when I needed it the most! As the year is nearing the end, really hoping for more good news! There has a lot of things that stresses me out on a daily basis that I even other people's negativity so I really needed a win, any kind of win!

Keys

 Saw something where I'm interested in  pursuing but I can't due to other factors. It makes me feel bad but I don't want complications. I do wonder though how things could be better for me if I can pursue it but then again I know it entails a lot more and given how messy my mind had been, might not be good fit. 

#16

 So all day I've been so paranoid because of this mistake. I really hope I'm just overthinking per usual and nothing really awful happens because I don't know what I will do if it happens. Really praying hard for no repercussions.

Bite and Chew

 And now I'm worried again because of me getting to complacent, I opened up a possible problem. But I worked hard for it not to happen but my time management was a mess so yeah it got messed up. Please, don't let this be a big problem. Lesson learned for me not to allow myself to carry so much burden just for other people to feel better. Yes, I can help but learn my limits. Oh dear Lord, don't let my fears happen. 

Tree

 Christmas tree is now up at our house today. I wish I'm still that kid who feels excitement over the holiday. Just not the same and  I know many adults feel that way. Just sucks. But I won't be a grinch and try not to let negativity feel my spirit. I have things to be happy and grateful for. I should be thankful for that. 

Stark

 I finally said something I've been keeping for quite some time. It felt good to be honest and  I hope I was understood. I overcompensated on some things plus I tried to please people to my detriment. Hopefully, things can get better. 

Don't Dwell

 If I flip out for real everytime I feel stressed or frustrated, the world around me will crumble. Or at least that's how I feel it. I'm tired of people choosing to be stressed rather than letting it go and focus on thing that will alleviate that negativity. Yeah, it does not really solve anything but at least you don't make yourself miserable. It's so frustrating!

Usury

Excited to work on some new things soon but still hoping for more. And this is me after doing a LOT of this the past weeks but it just isn't enough to maintain things and be stable. Also, hoping to squeeze in some personal leisure time soon, I deserve it!

Pole

 What you don't know won't hurt. Ignorance is bliss. Yeah, they are true. But still being aware that you are aware of something looming but you just want to look the other way is terrible too. No winning option. Suffering all over. You just have to toughen it up because there's no other option. Face it. Deal with It. Be strong for them. 

Skated

 I held off the truth. Okay, I lied. It's to protect them and me too. But I'm know I'm just delaying things but there's no point in making them worry now because they don't handle things like this well. It sucks really but I have to balance everything. But I really hope and pray things will get better. I'm trusting my instincts here. I really hope and pray this is right. 

Reliable

 It was quite distressing to be without electricity for 5 hours just when a typhoon was about to hit (no hard rains here but strong winds). The data signal was not stable as well but texting and calling were working fine.  The battery powered radio kept us updated and it really has some comforting effect to me. Yeah, modern technology is so convenient but never count out on how old tech can still be reliable in times like this so I don't take them for granted.

Standby

 It's gloomy and raining but thankfully not on a supertyphoon level. At least not yet, but hopefully not. Heavy rains are scary, so I really hope and pray that things will not be as terrible as they could be. 

Dracula

 So near yet so far away. This big burden I got myself into is nearing the finish line. I enjoy doing it but it's so time-consuming because I want to do it well. I wanted to help but then I realized I got myself into this mess because I let negative energy seep in and made me to do this thinking it would alleviate some burden but I passed it to me and it's too late to change course. It's been a chaotic every other week, I could have done better handling this but I got messy and lazy. Lame excuse but this is such a big lesson to me. Be carereful next time. I did it this week when I beg off something that would cause me so much stress! So hopefully I handle things better from now on. 

Uwan

 The images of the looming supertyphoon coming to the country is quite scary! Hopefuly, it won't really hit hard. Today's weather is good but you see I'm scared that it is the calm  before the storm. I have a lot of things in my mind and scary weather will add up to my anxiety! Oh dear Lord, please protect us. 

Andalucia

 Listening to IV OF SPADES' new album ANDALUCIA and as the kids say NO SKIPS! I love every single track! My favorites are Konsensya, Monster and Nanaman! But seriously all 12 songs are great!

Ways

 It's hard to deal with people's temper and anxiety. How to balance it so they don't go overboard and for me not lose it. It's very difficult to manage, really. I want to give up, but I can't. I don't want to feel it over and over again but it's the cycle of life I guess. And I was again reminded how the worst thing didn't happen so I should be grateful which I am really. I feel guilty sometimes too because I feel tired and I don't think I should feel that way. My life is such a mixed bag. I just want stability in all aspects but I know that isn't how life works. Lord, guide me. 

Fails

A bit annoyed that some things can't smoothly but since beggars can't be choosy so what else to do but endure as always. Make things work as you can. It's getting stressful again but hey let it be, 

Josie

 Watched a 90s romcom on streaming while doing something else. It's not really a tightly written story, it's so basic but it has its charms and that 90s vibe just makes me happy because well it just takes me back to a period of time, a period of innocence, a period of wonder. It will never be the same again but from time to time, it's nice to be reminded of that time. I totally understand what the adults were saying when I was kid when they reminisce the past.

Hear Say

 I'm in a rabbit hole of what happened to British (and adjacent) pop groups in the late 90s and early 00s aka my pre/teen era of loving pop music. Just interesting to go back in time and find out what happened to these groups because for most of the time they had hits here in my country, I just knew the songs and not the story. Which is probably for the better because this is era of parasocial relatioships with celebrities just ain't good!

Online

 I just stumbled this special feature on Canadian TV about exploring the internet 30 years ago when only a privilieged few can access it but the expert said some things here that actually happened today especially "content creation"

Ctwice

I was quite tired today and there's still a lot of things do still. But it's fine, I can manage. Hopefully, nothing untoward happens this weekend because I have a lot on my plate yet again! Plus, endless worries too. But yeah, I can manage. I will. 

Camera

 It has been release for a over a month already and it didn't caught my attention the first time but suddenly when I heard it again, it clicked to me It's not catching on unlike previous Ed Sheeran ballads, maybe because it's a new generation of young listeners but this song is just magical to me now!

Coin Purse 2

My more than a decade old coin purse is still missing and probably not gonna be seen! Gotta move on so I "bought" a new one which is the Mercury Drug coin purse which just cost me three SUKI card points! I hipe it's sturdy too!

Need

I'm worried. I'm scared. But I'm holding it in because I really don't have a choice. I don't feel resentful because I'm doing the right thing but it really is just scary. Oh dear Lord, please hear my prayer. 

Scramble

 I know this will come but still went with it. It was quite chaotic but I still made it somehow. More things are coming in though so I better pull myself together and be in a proper headspace to make it all work!

Flatter

I made a mistake taking this up because I just don't have enough energy for this to continue but I need to pull through and make it work. I need to speed it up because I don't really gain much from this aside from creative benefits! I dunno, it's just so hard! Kicking myself right now

Quezon

 I wanted to watch QUEZON movie but just don't have the time to squeeze it and frankly a bit hesistant money wise but the recent confrontation of the grandson of Quezon and the filmmakers on a Q&A sessiona after a movie got my interest to see it! Let's hope I can find the time and energy too to catch it

Chariot

 Westlife released a new song Chariot and I really like it. I love the Irish touch then it sounds quite adult and please without trying to replicate their past success from decades ago. So nice!

Mess

 I'm so annoyed once again. I can't really catch a break; always something chaotic happening that shouldn't be happening in the first place. I'm so sick of this but can't do anything about but let out a big sigh. Once again, I remind myself that this could have been worse, so put me in perspective. I'm so exhausted but will continue to march on. 

Enveloped

 So many things I fear in my head right now. My thoughts go overdrive and I'm now thinking of worst case scenarios. Oh please Lord, I hope those negative thoughts will never happen. I'm so scared so I try my best to do other things. 

K....

 At least it got noticed but somehow I feel in the end they will make it all about them in the end instead of looking out of others and doing some changes to not affect others with such negative atmosphere. I doubt it but one can hope. 

Coins

My coin purse is missig. It has a few one peso coins in it but still that coin purse has been so sturdy for over a decade. I hope it is just here somewhere in the house. I thought I kept in on my small bag that I used on weekend errands but when I checked that bag when I got home, it's not there! I really hope I just misplaced here it at home 

Table That

 Hoping for a good week ahead. There's something that stressing me out for awhile but I just decided to just let things be and face whatever is on the horizon. I trusted my instinct with this so hopefully I'm not wrong. 

Catch Up

 So I watched some TV shows like High Potential, Only Murders in the Building and Abbot Elementary! All on Disney+ because I took the 70% discounted annual plan a few months ago! I definitely enjoy watching shows again after being focused on other things or distracted by things I see on YouTube! Hope to have more time for this again

Double Meet

 So glad something that I thought was a lost cause is still alive! And twice the blessing! So glad we get some win and came in the right time. Hoping for more and more and more and more!

Counted

 Quite glad to see something pay off without me really asking to! Thank you, Lord! Made my day! Made me feel appreciated. So glad I didn't have to say or ask for it and let the work speak for itself! This is just what I need really because I've been quite a mess internally speaking although I always hold it together on the outside! More good news please!

Strands

 Technically free and I feel sad again because it's drying up again. I wish some of the stuff I worked hard for would reap something, anything because I just need it to keep on going. *sighs* Hoping for better days ahead because uncertainty always stresses me out. And I also have to deal with something next week that I've been stressing and torn about too. Oh dear Lord, guide me

Reap

I hope someday I could really reap the awards of this hardwork. I'm not complaining because I put myself to this willingly and I actually enjoy it but I can't help feel that I'm a bit shortchanged. I fully understand the circumstances and I'm happy to help so all I wish that we'll be in a better positon that I don't have to do this or at least get some good things to come my way?  I'm frustrated and hoping things get better.

Stay In

 I do often wonder what like without baggages is? Don't get me wrong universe I don't wish the worst and I know this is still better than what most people have. But when you are always on your toes anticipating bad vibes to spread in, it's hard to live without so much negativity feelings surrounding you. It is an unpleasant feeling that I wish I am free off but I know it's not possible and nothing ever changes.  I'm tired as per always.  I just need to vent so I can feel better inside and outside.  It's been really painful in more ways that one. But I need to survive. 

Yeah

 As always, I needed to get some push to get things done quickly. I've been stalling and almost thought of doing a mistake yet again because of how frustrated I was! I saw some signs but ignored then I had to suffer yet again the brunt! But at least it was not the total misstep yet again. Thank goodness!

100+ Weeks

 Tired of everything. Exhausted of everything. But I can't lose control because who would else would suffer but me?  Constantly reminding myself that things could get a lot worse so just be grateful of the present that, in the grand scheme of things, is still okay. I acknowledge that. Grateful for that. But I'm just simply burned out. In all aspects. I just need to let this out so I'll be okay when I face the world. I just need a space to just let it all out so it won't me alive. 

Outlet

 There is one constant thing that's really making my life such a pain but I just gotta give in because standing up is not an option if I want a relative peace of mind. It's simply not the case for me. In a way I understad the root of all this and I wish for the same outcome but I know the odds are just not in favor and the consistent hope is just making us lose more. The particular party is well aware of that but chooses to cling on to that one little chance it gets through. I say encouraging words but nope deep inside I know it's just a waste. But I want to be proven wrong, I desperately want to because I would benefit too right and end this one thing that's making my life extra annoying, extra inconveniet, extra painful. I'm in such a miserable state right now.  I really hope and pray things could get better. It has to. 

Extras

 I just try to shove things down because speaking up will just add to unnecessary stress. But I'm having a hard time with the never changing attitude and have the audacity to say some guild tripping things that please one of the things you do is also an unnecessary burden! It's too much! But I can't say it because drama ensues. I always try my best to be understanding but when hearing such hypocrisy triggers me. But there's really nothing I can do but just deal with those things. I'm so lost.

Spinal

 Down in the dumps yet again! Feeling a lot of restless, worry and anxiety. I can't concentrate then I will rush things again when adrenaline is high. I just feel so off again, I need something to give me that energy again. Or I'm just giving excuse to my lame behavior. I really don't know. 

Bordering

 I still feel so bitter about losing that one and them getting that. I honestly believe we did well but it's really out of our control. It really sucks because it was such a sense of pride and now it's gone. It's hopeless but I sometimes I still dream that it will come back hence I still work so hard on that one particular thing because maybe they will reconsider? It's been over a year and yet it sucks so bad. 

Adjust

There are things I wanna do but I can 't. Or choose not to do so I won't affect others. I sometimes I want to be selfish. Then I remembered I made some selfish calls 2 years ago that I deeply regret until now. So yeah, everytime I feel this frustrated again, I will remind myself of that very bad mistake. I could have so much leeway if only I didn't let that overtake me. Now, I'm in such constang stuggle. 

Rector

 Working something that is considered a classic and it just feels different looking at it with adult eyes. But it deftinitely still brings in the nostalgic feels. You also then realized how personal standards have changed as well as you deal with somethin valuable from the past and trying to give it a different spin! Anyway, can't wait to see it!

More

I'm okay with things as they are because I always fear of things going worse as I experienced that a couple of times the past few years. But I can't also feel dissatisfied at times and wishig for some better. But I'm afraid I'm attracting negativity and this could bite me back. My mind is truly chaotic most of the times. 

Bolt

Just as I thought I had some leeway, nope! Things are being rushed out so I had to get my act together and get things done immediately! Let's go!!!

Mano

 I'm excited to work on something I have childhood exposure too! I started some of it earlier but I was not off to a good pace yet hopefully tomorrow I get my groove on! Checking out the materials I will work on is quite fascining because they are from the 1980s and they are basically time capsules!

BNO

 I was never really a fan of MAGIC 89.9's Boys  Night Out because the humor is just not a fit with my personality but still they are an iconic part of Mega Manila radio for so long so for it to end in such controversial way is quite shocking even if I haven't been really listening to radio that much these days... well, on my own choice I mean because we are a radio household every since I was a child so the radio is almost always on! Anyway, it's quite sad to see things that were very much present in your younger year fade away and lost its magic.

Destir

 Very hectic past 5 days! And there are more coming in, it's been quite tiring but it helps me again to be on focus and not let the many worries eat me alive. Like there were so many challenging moments today but I have no choice but take it all in and manage to keep things stable at the very best I can. So many mood swings I have to balance out. Oh well! That's my life now and I just think it could be so much worst so I will just deal with it the best way I can!

Sweeping

 So, I've been thinking on how to handle another delicate matter. I've been on this same road multiple times, one thing I did I ultimately the right choice but now again faced with this, I'm having a difficult path. I'm already seeing early signs of panic that frankly is so difficult for them and me as well. I want to choose convenience but what if there are consequences in the future? I hate that I have to make that call. I need to balance everyone's well being versus making this sure. My gut is telling me not to go with it but I'm just afraid it is a mistake.

God please help me.

This is What It Feels Like

 Another I'm tired of everything post incoming. Still the same thing over and over again. Stirring up trouble when there should be none. Always complaining, always whining. When there is relative peace, you find ways to find problems when there are none. Let's face it you don't like calmness, you crave for drama and be the victim as always. Sick of it. I can't speak up because it will not solve anything when it just falls to deaf ears. So I endure. Minimize my feelings because you want to avoid unnecessary stress. Because that is all you bring. Sure, you do things to assist but there's a caveat of resentment when it's conveniet to you, right? Yeah. Always the same case. I've lost hope that you will realize your flaws. I will just carry on no matter despite the heavy burden I carry everyday. 

Too Thin

 I knew this would happen, but I still got myself into this. Proud of what I can do but it is hard and tiring. And I wish I can just sit all day and give my 100% focus but there will always be distractions from all sides. I'm also guilty as well. Okay, carry on. 

The 3rd

 Feeling a little bitter. Well, no. I'm VERY bitter. I can't have that thing anymore. I have something else, but it's not as "brag worthy" I hate that I think of that but I won't deny that the fact that I was able to showcase that was a source of pride. Now, it's gone. And it wasn't in our control despite working our best. I still wish something changes and we get it again. 

Whiplash

 So the photos of my speaking engagement last week have been uploaded on FB and I hate to feel this way, but I really didn't like how I look! I'm never really conscious of how I look before but now seeing my present sel,f I can't help but feel sad. I just look different, with my bald head and generally stressed face. It's a good thing I'm not really conscious of how I look daily, I rarely look at the mirror much less take photos of myself but during moments like that when I am captured by another point of view, I feel uncomfortable looking at myself. 

Momentum

 Okay, I have a lot of things on my plate that I'm willingly put myself into. It's quite difficult but this is what I wanted and volunteered for!  So, yeah let's get moving!

Overcast

 Rainy weather the past 2 days! There's typhoon up north and another on the horizon! I hope it changes direction though. I like cold weather but not really feeling a gloomy atmosphere days, affects my mood to be honest. Let the sun shine please!

35

 So watched a news feature about how in some industries, 35 years old is already too old. As a 38 year old person, this is really chilling. My industry thankfully doesn't have this kind of age ceiling but then it makes me wonder how employable I am these days. Really thankful I have a stable job right now. 

921`

 March against corruption happening the whole country. It is inspiring however just as I was afraid, there are certain groups who will mess this up by doing chaotic stuff in guise of protest but really they just want to stir trouble! It ruins the true meaning of this protest movements. So frustrating. 

Docus

 I watched two documentaries today, one on YouTube about South Korean international adoptions and I was really surprised of the history of it and got sad with the personal stories I've watched. The other one I watched is Unknown Number on Netflix and I had to pause when it was revealed who the perperator was! It's really shocking and just gross!

The Paper

Watched The Paper (streaming on HBO Max here) and I loved it. I'm a bit biased because I have a degree in Broadcast Journalism and was news writer and editor on the school paper, so a show about journalism is up in my alley! The show is really different from The Office, just set in the same universe but they're totally have different angle. It has a good cast and captures a good emotional beat too. I hope people will discover it eventually because for me it is a gem

Tract

 Everything will be fine. If not I will do my best to make things appear fine for everyone else's sake. The sacrifice I have to make. The inner turmoil. Lord, please guide me because I could break down again deep inside. Help me be strong in this trying time yet again. 

Full Circle

I was invited be a resource speaker for today's General Assembly of DLSU-D's Heraldo Filipino and the yearbook team under the revived Student Media and Publications Office. It's truly an honor to be part of the landmark 40th year of HF and the revival of the SPMO. I started with Team 20, and being the speaker this time for Team 40 holds special meaning. It's a full circle moment. I was also inspired by Br. Victor and Sir Christian's talk about integrity and the power of critical thinking. Seeing how the students reacted to my talk and Q&A also made me really happy.  We may be two decades apart, but the current generation of HF still has that same fire and spirit of the batches I was part of. 

Overload

 This song turned 25 year old and it still sounds so fresh! It has this hypnotic vibe!

Notes

 I was invited to speak for Heraldo Filipino Team 40's year start assembly. I'm given 15 minutes to give a speech. Now, what will I say? I'm contemplating preparing a written speech but I don't know I want to speak from the heart and impromptu? But I'm not eloquent and talks fast! Anyway, planning to have my talk circle around overcoming your fear to try something your heart has been wanting for. I joined HF on my second year in college. I wanted to try on my freshman year but I was so insecure and also scared! But I took my chance on my second year and I made it! Another story I will share is that I was rejected on my first try to become an editor (News and OCM) which broke my heart a little but then a year later I had the audacity to try to jump from mere senior statff to EIC and I made it! So yeah, I will work around those topics, hopefully I can deliver something vital!

Four Down

 So happy to have finished one very important task! First batch done! Still have more than half to go while I balance another weekly thing I let myself do because I both want to and need to. My plan this weekend didn't go the way I hoped for because of things I allowed myself. I rationalize that I need to take some time off to freshen up but let's face it I got lazy at some point. 

Stove

 Bought an appliance today for our home - a stove. Our more than a decade old stove broke down already. I'm glad there's a good enough local brand that isn't costly too! I still don't know how to cook though so this is my contribution! 

Omph!

I know this will be a challenge and I put myself willingly to do this. Creative wise, I really want to do it but it's quite a struggle to finish everything on time. Of course it's my fault because concentrating is quite hard!  Anyway, back on it!

Askin Tarifi

Recipe of Love aired its finale on SolarFlix tonight! Proud of the work I've done for this project especially the final episode that I've adapted. I really enjoyed this show Until the next one!

Spine

I have a lot of things to finish in 4 days so good luck but I live for this kind of challenge, keeps me my mind busy. It's a struggle to start to get a head start but once I get the right I'm all in. I could accomplish more if the situation was less complicated than before but I can manage. I will manage. 

But still we need more, so please come to us!

VMAs

 Saw some VMA 2020 performances online and it's nice to see they are doing all out with the productions, lots of visually appealing performances. Alex Warren's production so good, made the songs sound epic same with Tate McRae's. First time to see sombr perform and while I like his songs he is so awkward to watch, does not have stage presence yet. Maybe he should have been preshow. I wish Katseye was main show but the crowd energy at close proximity was great for a song like Gnarly so all good.

Tight

 I've asked for it. And now I have to make it all work. But I will do it. I can do it. Let's go! 

Phrasing

 I had to make sacrifices to help out and pitfalls are unavoidable. I know outsiders will say I should just step out for something better but in my heart I truly don't want to. Sure, there's fear of the unknown but I genuinely want to help. Praying that things will get better soon.

Stock Up

 Something unexpected happened and I grabbed the opportunity! Now more than ever do I need to collect as much as I can so I can keep things afloat and not derail everything. I need to focus on things so nothing will be affected. This is what I wanted after that 2 months of dry spell so rev up!

38

Another year older today! Life gets tougher as I grow older but thank God I'm still surviving. Lord please give me strength as I navigate through life. My birthday prayer is for my family's safety and well-being. Please keep them away from any kind of harm and danger. 

Press

 I was checking Heraldo Filipino's website and to my surprise, na-quote ang sinulat ko from 18 years ago sa isang column! It's bittersweet because it is touching to have a piece you wrote resonate nearly 2 decades later, but a little sad because the sentiment I had then is still felt by today's generation of campus journalists. 

Survive

Things are coming, but there are still many obstacles to make it run smoothly. You understand all sides, but there's really no choice but to compromise because the other option is grim. I hate that we are in this situation yet again. So difficult. 

HeartBuds

 So I finally bought a bluetooth earphone because I saw it was on sale, 50% off and a price point I could afford! I still like the sound of writed earphones better but I acknowledge going wireless is more ideal when I commute and also ideal to use when in bed as well. It's a heart-shaped earbud because it is marketed to women but I don't care it's cheap and works well so far. I hope it will last long!

Unpleasant

I'm tired of dealing with people seeking drama. Loud mouth but when you get into trouble for over stuff that you can just let go, what's gonna happen then? Unnecessary stress! Boredom is not an excuse to seek stress!

Invitation

 So I received from one of the officers of the current team of my beloved Heraldo Filipino. They're inviting me to be a guest speaker at their year-start activity. Of course, I said yes! I would love to visit my school again, the last time I was there was over a decade ago when I was again invited by the HF EB then to be a panelist for their EB application interview. It's also a nice touch because it was 2005 when I was accepted by HF so 2 decades later I will be a guest to a whole new generation of idealistics campus journalist! It makes my heart smile. I'm not an eloquent person but I will try my best to impart how HF has become instrutmental on how I became as an adult navigating the real world. 

AD

I've been doing audio description writing for some streaming movies lately and it's quite fascinating. It's a feature I didn't know existed until I learned it on my job about two years ago. I now find myself turning audio description features more frequently, first to study how they are written but I'm actually digging it now and it enhances my viewing experience. I've been a dubbing/ADR writer for more than a decade already so nice to have another writing skill that watching TV/movie is needed!

Amor

I'm so happy that after nearly two months, we will be fed! It's still not the ideal amount to keep things in a safer zone, but definitely better than the dry spell for nearly 2 months. Thank you Lord and please keep them coming!

Wrong Send

It was so weird that I suddenly felt something emotional then apparently there was something that happened almost at the same time when I felt it that is actually connected to it.  It was a surprise discovery really and I was really upset. But I composed myself and didn't tell anyone. It's not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Now I think I'm okay. There's just a lot of stressful things bugging my mind and hopefully I will get over this phase soon.

Gaps

Nothing again. 

Next day awaits.

But now spiralling internally. 

So many contingency plans in my head. 

So many I would do things differently 

So many wishes and regrets.

A tinge of reproachments too

I know it's unjustified though.

So I keep all those thoughts in.

It will be a recurrence

Until I feel secure and safe.

When....

Nothing again. It really sucks. Maybe tomorrow. 

Just Keep Moving

Hoping this would be the week where we receive some good news. It has been such a struggle mentally speaking to handle all these worries and uncertainty but I kept on moving along. But really, please let it be this week!

Facts First

 I first knew of Christian Esguerra when I attended UST's campus journalism workshop INKBLOTS nearly 20 years ago and he was one of the speakers. Then and until now one of my favorite journalists! I

5k

 Not exactly a good month, although I always remind myself that I had far worse experiences around this time in recent years to keep things in perspective. But it has been a struggle; it's so hard to be happy

I tried so hard....

 Falling into nostalgia rabbit holes again on YouTube! Always bittersweet, trying my best not to be that sad because of feeling things! But I guess it's okay to have an outlet to let those feelings be out there. I always try to bury those feelings inside. I just can't be paralyzed with these thoughts. I just can't. And I know I feel these things because of external factors. Hopefully, things will brighten up soon. I'm holding like always but I'm such a mess inside. 

408

 Day didn't go as planned.... or rather didn't go as hoped. But oh well, still had some moments when I escaped from the usual. Made me feel a little nostalgic too. And you know with nostalgia comes a tinge of sadness. Anyway, back to the grind tomorrow. 

Next Page

I bought a book after a year! This is the sequel to the Three Body Problem book that I really loved and it says something because I'm not really into sci-fi but this one just grabbed my attention. With Three Body Problem, I saw the TV show first so I have an idea already when I was reading but this sequel I know nothing about so excite to dive in!

 

It's Okay!

 Glad to have something on the horizon to look forward to now! I still want more of course but nonetheless this is a good start. Now, I kinda worry that things could will be overwhelming next month but that's a good problem than what we have been subjected to the past few weeks of barely walking. Still praying hard for more to come especially as the 4th quarter is coming near, we badly need it!

Openings

 There's some pathways I saw today but there's still worry about them actually becoming a thing and if it does become a thing it could be chaotic and disorganized but I still it willl push through because it is so much needed and whatever obstacles that we could face, let's just cross the bridge when we get there and find solutions because now more than ever we needed something, anything to keep things afloat. T.H.E.S.T.R.U.G.G.L.E

Give Thanks

 Oh Dear Lord, I admit when I am overwhelmed with stressful stuff I do tend to neglect the good things happening and blessing and today I was reminded of how things could have been so much worse and thank you God for guiding my family and keeping them away from harm. I will strive my best not to forget this whenever I face uncertain stressful moments. 

Leanne

 I watched this new sitcom on Netflix - Leanne. It's from the same team who did my other sitcoms faves Mom, Bob Hearsts Abishola and the Sheldonverse. It's not as  funny as those shows yet but it has a good heartwarming and comforting feel to it. I enjoyed binging it today. I hope it gets a season 2 but if it doesn't the end was quite nice already. 

Floats

 Another about to end with so many questions in my mind. So many lingering thoughts that really scare me. I'm really hoping and praying that next week will bring in good news because it has been so difficult struggling to stay positive. 

Enfeoffed

This has been the longest drought and I'm really stressed about it. I still get to do stuff but it's not enough. This task I made for myself I was able to stretch it for a few more days so I have something to do but it's really making me sad that we are struggling at the moment. It sucks so bad. :(

Unexpected

It has been quite the struggle lately so to finally receive some good news just moments ago is such an euphoric feeling. And it came out of nowhere. Something that we have forgotte already because it seems like a loss cause but well we were in for a surprise. Thank you Lord, it just came in at the right time!

Flows

 The dry spell continues. So frustrating but there's always glimmer of hope. And I hold on to that. I'm also glad I got another day to fix some things with this one I was working on but started late because it is kinda boring but this is all I've got for now. Hopefully, more things will come soon.

Bits

 It is getting depressing! We are still not receiving stuff that will make things secure. I'm very worried that while I do get things done, I feel like I'm not giving my best capacity because of this cloud over my head. Oh dear Lord, please give us some good news soon.

Should've

A "what if I was there" situation. I hate that I saw that because I feel more envious than ever. Although the truth is, that's not really my line of interest but with my current struggle I should have let this stupid passion rule my head and tried to expand my horizon for better opportunities. Now I'm stuck with something that makes he happy but also makes me incredibly frustrated with how unstable it is. 

Get 'Em

 Since I've been a little messed up the past weeks I tried to avoid things that will give me unneccessary and shallow stress! I failed at the start because I was leading into another of those but good thing I scaled back past before it annoys me too much. I need to control my impulse sometimes, or maybe most of the time!

Cycle

 Dealing with so many problems and trying to put a brave face on. I am so exhausted. I will try to make an escape and check out because thinking about the many things that bother me is just overwhelming. Endless worries. Endless anxieties. Endless stress. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. I am lost. Lord, please guide me and the people I hold dear. 

Deli

 I was so worried of so many things but after talking it out it was not that horrible afterall and realize some of your gut feel was right all along. That's why sometimes it is need to clarify things head on and not torture yourself with assumptions. 

Signals

Sometimes I wish I didn't know much but it's still a good thing that I know enough so I will be conscious enough of my surroundings and the current status. It is a tricky situation because I know the practical side but also the more emotional, human side that makes things complicated. I'm a bit glad I'm not really the one in position to make big calls because it's a tough one!

Well

 Finished with one thing and now back to emptiness! I hope more stuff will come our way soon. This situation is stressing me out as I fear for a lot of things. While there some blessings today, I'm already worried sick of the future when the well runs dry. God forbid. Oh dear Lord, please hear my prayers and have good news come to us soon. 

Biscuits

 I always try to remind myself that things could get so much worse whenever I feel so frustrated with so many aspects of my life, but there are just simply moments in life when it is just so hard to keep a straight face with so many UNNECESSARY annoyance in life. I'm just really tired dealing with so many things that should not be a problem in the first place. But I really have no choice but deal with it because no one else would step up and take care of things.

Water

 Oh well, instead of just taking things calmly, you go overdrive and make things more complicated than it should be. Always complaining, always finding faults. You simply don't want peace of mind and just want to seek stress all the time. You will never change. I'm so tired of it but I have no choice anyway but deal with all your whining, ranting and meltdowns. I will just try my best to be numb. 

Embrace

 A bit of sigh of relief now with two things coming in so next week won't be a complete waster of resources. One of the most worried I've been in the past couple of years but still hoping for something with a longer leash. Hopefully, it comes soon enough

Hard to Be Happy

Matchbox 20's Rob Thomas has a new song, and how apt it is at this point in my life!

Some days get hold of me

Sometimes it’s hard to just be happy

And I could try

Don’t seem no use to me

Sometimes it’s hard to just be happy

Nokia

 My YouTube rabbithole is people showing old Nokia phones that stillm work today. I love Nokia pjones, they were so sturdy and battery life is insane. I still have a Nokia 101 today for my old simcard / backup phone but it's not the same as the one in the 00s. I'm a little Nokia wasn't able to successfull transition to the smartphone era. 

Dry

 Glad it was quite hot today, although the clouds were a little gloomy. I won't miss the rain anytime soon! There are still a lot of things in my mind, I have so many worries again but really hoping and praying for the best.

Can

 Stressing about money because there are a lot of household expenses right now, some unexpected that I need to attend to. Almost had a meltdown, but I controlled myself, just ranted to myself on my lonesome, then I calmed down and realized these are just small stuff in the grand scheme of things. And yes, things could have been worst. Sometimes you just really need to let it all out and get over it so you move on and function better with a clear mind.

Breaker

 The unlucky streak continues as now a part of our house has now working lights due to some malfunction. To be fair, the other sockets and majority has working electricity so just minor inconveniece and bigger problem has been prevented. Still, I can't help but feel frustrated with yet another blowback but I just reminded this is a solvable problem and I should learn not to panic with such setbacks because I do really tend to spiral internally with it comes to these things. But I don't lash out to anyone to give credit to myself. Oh dear Lord, please help and guide me. 

Pushing Buttons

 I really wanna complain because everything is just pissing me off. You want to creat a more organized setup and some just want to sneak in and mess things up and they have the nerve to be annoyed. I'm patient and I just don't speak because I'm just tired of it all and just wanna get over it but they will find a way to annoy the hell out of me. When will self reflection happen because it's only up to them for them to realize the damage because me pointing it out will just lead me to be guild tripped or turning the table against me so spare me that additional unneccessary stress because I can no longer deal with that!

Unlucky

 What a struggle for me this week was and the week ends with a house appliance not working out of nowhere. I was the one plugged it in and suddenly it's not working anymore. It's like someone is pulling a prank on me. May next week be better.. please

Leak

 There was a glimmer of sunshine and a rainbow earlier but now back to the damp weather. It was so quick and it really made me feel so sad right now. I am once again dealing with multiple anxiety trigging elements that I really have no contol with and some came out of nowhere just when you thought things are already OK. This weather just makes the feeling a lot worse 

Tight

 Bummer, I thought everything was all good then I had to face this out of the blue blow. And it was for something I actually did put some and time effort to. Lucky break! Trying my best not to get myself down and move on to next. 

Damp

 The rains just won't stop! Please Lord let us see the sun shine again! There's just too many stressful things that can happen with typhoons and hard rains! It's been like that for 2 weeks already but the past 3 days were the roughest. I've been so uncomfortable and anxious because of the raings!

Off Script

 Raining all day that I had to work from home today because Metro Manila is just pure chaos right now with the floods and everything. It's really hard to function on a rainy day like this! I hope the sun shines tomorrow please

Gnarly

 The weather today was chaotic but good thing my commute was generally good. I got to work early before the heavy rains poured that made traffic so chaotic! My commute was generally OK too, when there were hard rains I was inside a vehicle and when I was walking there were just light rains. I miss the sun!

Deep Dives

 I fell into another rabbit hole the past 2 days but did get myself educated on some world I'm not that familiar of and it's quite fascinating really.  One of those are those video essays on YouTube, I really found some gems really that the deep dives are really good and not just for the "content". In the hyper-commercialized online algorthim slaved world these days, it's quite difficult to sort out the distractions from the real ones. But I will definitely try my best to not fall for bait and actually read and not jump to reactions / hot take first without assesing things better.

Seize

I bought my mother a new radio because the one in her room had broken down. My mother is a music, news, and drama enthusiast. She is so happy, and it warmed my heart. The positions have really changed because I'm the one who gives her things that make her happy, just as she did when I was a child. Same case with Tatay too. I'll be 40 in 2 years and sometimes I still don't feel it, but moments like make me realize how time flies so fast and I have to cherish every single moment despite some of the stressful things that happen in between.

Caps

Gloomy weather coupled with that restless feeling due to multiple things. I just can't help but feel a lot of despair. But I have to hold on. I need to hold on. It's really hard not to lash out, but I don't wanna to stir more issues, so just let it be and keep things inside. I'm just frustrated when one can't see their own fault, maybe you do but you keep on justifying it with so much nonsense.  It's a terrible feeling and situation. I wish this were just like the movie when a heart-to-heart would lead to a realization and then change would come in. But that's not the reality, people most of the time don't listen and just want to stick with whatever trap they set themselves to. Incredibly frustrating and kills me inside little by little. 

Clutches

 I feel quite uneasy but I try my best not to show it by supporting others, even shielding them from possible inconvenience. It's not easy to suck everything to spare them but then again I don't really change them for good. But anyway, always for good things to come to all ofn us eventually.

UX

 Wrapped up something today and it made me soon because there won't be a next on the same lane in the for who knows when. I feel a little empty and worried but it's alright I still have two things on my plate and maybe a few more but I really this dry spell won't last long. I want them to pour again.

Rediscovering

 I'm listening to new songs from artists that I liked but haven't listened to in years! Here are some of them

Good People Do Bad Things - The Ting Tings

In It With You - Craig David and JoJo

The Man Who Can't Be Loved - James Morrisson

Shook - Sugababes

Rejects - Good Charlotte

Survive - Lewis Capaldi

Young & Dumb - Avril Lavigne and Simple Plan

Easy Come, Easy Go - All American Rejects

Walked

I did two important things at the same day, I was trying to do a third one but I failed because burnout caught up on me. Hopefully, tomorrow I will get things at once. Glad to know there are two doors that could open soon. I also really wish more will come soon!

Tires

When you get to feel how a person is bothered, it's quite stressful but I need to be calm so the person won't totally break down. It's really hard but I know I need to do it. So I do my best to fix things. I need to clear up my head then go ahead and face things as calm as I can. 

Tower

 I got emotional again over ABS CBN! Reading the post and tributes as their transmision tower will be demolished soon as the land it occupies has a new owner. They've survived 5 yeards without a franchise but with a big cost. It's still sad especially the circumstances behind it. Three times lang ako nakapunta sa ABS CBN compound (A school trip and interviews with Henry Omaga Diaz and then Studio 23 head Leo Katigbak for school too.) The tower is always a sight to behold. Quite sad that the historical compound will be gone soon but the story will live on.

Rabbit

 I had no plans to see the new I Know What You Did Last Summer, but then I watched this Jennifer Love Hewitt special on Entertainment Tonight, and I got all crushing on her again. Whoever thought of that, you did a good job getting me interested in seeing her on the big screen again. Also made me revisit the music of video LFO's Girl on TV, which then led me to listening to LFO's I Don't Wanna Kiss You Goodnight, such a good song! They don't make western pop songs like that anymore. Then it reminded me that two guys from LFO are no longer here. How tragic, both died due to cancer. Found the remaining guy still tours today as LFO with O-Town singing the songs

Short

I'm getting stressed about things I have no control with. It really is so frustrating because after an overload with almost no room to breathe there comes the dry spell again. That's why I try not to put pressure on them because I know they are in a tricky situation. Hoping and praying for good news soon

Ebbs and Flows

 Here we go again with the worries when things slow down. Although I still have things on queue that I try to juggle but  there's still the fear of things drying up. Oh dear Lord, hoping for blessings to come in soon enough

Pouring

 Heavy rains right now and while I dislike the discomfort of the scorching heat but rains like this one terrify me more. I hope it will stop soon because I'm getting a little anxious

Academy

Jampacked week ahead but after that is quite murky and I AM AFRAID. Hopefully, something comes up soon because I'm worried about  another dry spell. Here we go back again! I really there will be some incoming stuf to come in because badly needed. Well, not that badly in reality but I'm a very paranoid person.

Bags

 I'm annoyed that just because some people's intention to make a point I am the one who will have to do the hard work now. Partly my fault of course for raising my hand because this is for the better but still annoyed! Anyway, let's get to it!

New Entry

I've been a chart geek for most of my life but I did lay low as I got older and dealt with real problems adults face and I also kinda got bored of it eventually but well I still check from time to time and I found myself getting hooked again with MYX chartts. I've been interacting with other chart followers on a Youtube channel that follows MYX charts mainly because MYX charts for the past 2 years had a very slow pace and very limited catalog unlike before where they get the freshest songs and there I found other people who got frustrated with it too and together when there's a new entry or videos from a record label that had been absent for awhile on MYX we collectively chear on the comments. It's ben fun really to get to relieve my chart geeks day lately and share with online strangers who share the same habit!

Others

 I feel so bad but there's nothing I can really do about it. Everything will just fall on deaf ears because they priority what they feel, how they are always right and every one just disappoints you. Complains non stop, but when you do something right, hardly acknowledged. And even if they do, it will be easily forgotten when they feel hassled. Endless cycle that I'm so sick of but nothing i can do but take it all in and breathe it out. 

Deflated

 I have felt this way long ago but from time to time I feel some glimmer of positivity but immediately I hold back back because I know it won't last. It sucks so bad but it is what it is. Just trying my best not to get too much affected 

Foot Zone

 I had a foot massage yesterday for the very first time and I really loved it. It was a bit pricey since it's in a mall, but I thought I deserve to spend something for myself and I wanted to try this for so long. There was some pain when the therapist was stretching my toes, pain I didn't expect to have but it was so good! I feel relaxed after and will definitely try again!

98

 I wish I have the courage to be straightforward on certain things because it gets really frustrating to see the same patterns consistently happening but I know it will just lead to bigger problems, because what they'll see is an attack rather than pointing out how one can improve. I wish it weren't the case, but it is, as seen in many precedents before. I just have to let a big sigh and carry on. How I wish there's a realization someday what's really wrong and not always put the blame on others. How I wish there's a realization of the long term harm done. But it will probably never happen and you just let things be and be as strong as you can because there's no alternative. 

Perhaps

 "Look at him long life and no stress" well, because he wasn't actively searching for something to disappoint him and get upset over. Maybe that is the key. He didn't find someone else to blame why for his dissatisfaction. Maybe he wanted them to be at ease first so they could actually spread their wings and not get stunted in life. Maybe that's why they were able to give him the life you obviously envious for because they were able to do something beyond because they didn't feel they have to adjust to what pleases him. All speculations but maybe something to ponder rather than jumping ahead to reproaching.

Pages

 First weekend in a while I didn't have something I need to finish that I was struggling to finish. Hopefully, there will be more organized weekends on the horizon. I need to get back to reading for pleasure again. I have some unfinished books last year so I need to get back to that!

67

 So glad I was finally able to do something ahead of time and not the usual scrambling in the end. Although I'm quite sad the list is getting shorter but I do believe there are more on the horizon so I need calm down a bit. I do need some little break but not too long please. I don't want to be frustrated when there's a drought again. 

Fluctuations

 I wish I could be free of worrying but it's just not the case. I'm always on the lookout. Always so paranoid that things will go haywire. It's hard living this way. I always fear something bad could happen. So I'm really okay when things are dull and boring, as long as there's stability and safety, 

Up Next

I don't know maybe it's just my usual paranoid self but given how some are spaced out, I am afraid I could be thrown under the bus. I'm not gonna allow that, I already worked so hard to maintain everything in good form. But it annoys me already just thinking of the possibility. I already missed out on getting on this to give way but I could get dragged in the process, NO!

Orange

 Totally loving this new Maki song Kahel Na Langit! Beautifully written and performed! I've been playing it repeatedly lately!

Raindrops

There's some potential things coming out soon, and hopefully things pan out. I'm panicking a little because the things I have to do for myself have taken a step back for other things that could help in general, but now I'm getting behind on my target to be sufficient. So hopefully things will shape up well. I regret delaying things using personal space as excuse. 

Wheels

 I can't finish some things I want to do because I have to listen to rants, and they don't care about the things you have to do because they want to rant and rant. Sometimes, the issues can be resolved, or shouldn't be made a big deal because they just stress you out unnecessarily. You can choose to live a life free of stress. 

Play

 I don't know how to deal with the recurring stressful things in my life. I don't know what the right strategy anymore to maintain peace. I feel like even if I try my best and make sacrifices, nothing really changes. I am so tired but I am trapped in this endless cycle. What's even harder is that the alternative is so much worst, I hate that sometimes I think of that worse case scenario. Because I can't help it when I feel so overwhelmed with unpleasant feelings 

Counting

I feel bad that I already feel frustrated for a problem that hasn't happened yet but the fear is just so strong I'm spiralling deep inside. I need to control my fear so I can handle the inevitable bravely. Oh dear Lord, please help me survive against myself

Early Signs

 I've noticed it for a long time already, but I was so in denial. But I knew, or I think I know what's going on but  I don't want it to be confirmed. All because I'm afraid of another source of stress but I have to face the reality of what this all means. Hoping and praying it won't further escalate. 

Laptop Enterprises

 Sad to learn that shop where I bought my laptop has closed down. I bought it 3 years ago on a small shop in Makati, found them on Facebook and read good reviews that they are legit and has good prices. And it is true. They still have affiliate shops in QC but this shop was so convenient to me