Destir

 Very hectic past 5 days! And there are more coming in, it's been quite tiring but it helps me again to be on focus and not let the many worries eat me alive. Like there were so many challenging moments today but I have no choice but take it all in and manage to keep things stable at the very best I can. So many mood swings I have to balance out. Oh well! That's my life now and I just think it could be so much worst so I will just deal with it the best way I can!

Sweeping

 So, I've been thinking on how to handle another delicate matter. I've been on this same road multiple times, one thing I did I ultimately the right choice but now again faced with this, I'm having a difficult path. I'm already seeing early signs of panic that frankly is so difficult for them and me as well. I want to choose convenience but what if there are consequences in the future? I hate that I have to make that call. I need to balance everyone's well being versus making this sure. My gut is telling me not to go with it but I'm just afraid it is a mistake.

God please help me.

This is What It Feels Like

 Another I'm tired of everything post incoming. Still the same thing over and over again. Stirring up trouble when there should be none. Always complaining, always whining. When there is relative peace, you find ways to find problems when there are none. Let's face it you don't like calmness, you crave for drama and be the victim as always. Sick of it. I can't speak up because it will not solve anything when it just falls to deaf ears. So I endure. Minimize my feelings because you want to avoid unnecessary stress. Because that is all you bring. Sure, you do things to assist but there's a caveat of resentment when it's conveniet to you, right? Yeah. Always the same case. I've lost hope that you will realize your flaws. I will just carry on no matter despite the heavy burden I carry everyday. 

Too Thin

 I knew this would happen, but I still got myself into this. Proud of what I can do but it is hard and tiring. And I wish I can just sit all day and give my 100% focus but there will always be distractions from all sides. I'm also guilty as well. Okay, carry on. 

The 3rd

 Feeling a little bitter. Well, no. I'm VERY bitter. I can't have that thing anymore. I have something else, but it's not as "brag worthy" I hate that I think of that but I won't deny that the fact that I was able to showcase that was a source of pride. Now, it's gone. And it wasn't in our control despite working our best. I still wish something changes and we get it again. 

Whiplash

 So the photos of my speaking engagement last week have been uploaded on FB and I hate to feel this way, but I really didn't like how I look! I'm never really conscious of how I look before but now seeing my present sel,f I can't help but feel sad. I just look different, with my bald head and generally stressed face. It's a good thing I'm not really conscious of how I look daily, I rarely look at the mirror much less take photos of myself but during moments like that when I am captured by another point of view, I feel uncomfortable looking at myself. 

Momentum

 Okay, I have a lot of things on my plate that I'm willingly put myself into. It's quite difficult but this is what I wanted and volunteered for!  So, yeah let's get moving!

Overcast

 Rainy weather the past 2 days! There's typhoon up north and another on the horizon! I hope it changes direction though. I like cold weather but not really feeling a gloomy atmosphere days, affects my mood to be honest. Let the sun shine please!

35

 So watched a news feature about how in some industries, 35 years old is already too old. As a 38 year old person, this is really chilling. My industry thankfully doesn't have this kind of age ceiling but then it makes me wonder how employable I am these days. Really thankful I have a stable job right now. 

921`

 March against corruption happening the whole country. It is inspiring however just as I was afraid, there are certain groups who will mess this up by doing chaotic stuff in guise of protest but really they just want to stir trouble! It ruins the true meaning of this protest movements. So frustrating. 

Docus

 I watched two documentaries today, one on YouTube about South Korean international adoptions and I was really surprised of the history of it and got sad with the personal stories I've watched. The other one I watched is Unknown Number on Netflix and I had to pause when it was revealed who the perperator was! It's really shocking and just gross!

The Paper

Watched The Paper (streaming on HBO Max here) and I loved it. I'm a bit biased because I have a degree in Broadcast Journalism and was news writer and editor on the school paper, so a show about journalism is up in my alley! The show is really different from The Office, just set in the same universe but they're totally have different angle. It has a good cast and captures a good emotional beat too. I hope people will discover it eventually because for me it is a gem

Tract

 Everything will be fine. If not I will do my best to make things appear fine for everyone else's sake. The sacrifice I have to make. The inner turmoil. Lord, please guide me because I could break down again deep inside. Help me be strong in this trying time yet again. 

Full Circle

I was invited be a resource speaker for today's General Assembly of DLSU-D's Heraldo Filipino and the yearbook team under the revived Student Media and Publications Office. It's truly an honor to be part of the landmark 40th year of HF and the revival of the SPMO. I started with Team 20, and being the speaker this time for Team 40 holds special meaning. It's a full circle moment. I was also inspired by Br. Victor and Sir Christian's talk about integrity and the power of critical thinking. Seeing how the students reacted to my talk and Q&A also made me really happy.  We may be two decades apart, but the current generation of HF still has that same fire and spirit of the batches I was part of. 

Overload

 This song turned 25 year old and it still sounds so fresh! It has this hypnotic vibe!

Notes

 I was invited to speak for Heraldo Filipino Team 40's year start assembly. I'm given 15 minutes to give a speech. Now, what will I say? I'm contemplating preparing a written speech but I don't know I want to speak from the heart and impromptu? But I'm not eloquent and talks fast! Anyway, planning to have my talk circle around overcoming your fear to try something your heart has been wanting for. I joined HF on my second year in college. I wanted to try on my freshman year but I was so insecure and also scared! But I took my chance on my second year and I made it! Another story I will share is that I was rejected on my first try to become an editor (News and OCM) which broke my heart a little but then a year later I had the audacity to try to jump from mere senior statff to EIC and I made it! So yeah, I will work around those topics, hopefully I can deliver something vital!

Four Down

 So happy to have finished one very important task! First batch done! Still have more than half to go while I balance another weekly thing I let myself do because I both want to and need to. My plan this weekend didn't go the way I hoped for because of things I allowed myself. I rationalize that I need to take some time off to freshen up but let's face it I got lazy at some point. 

Stove

 Bought an appliance today for our home - a stove. Our more than a decade old stove broke down already. I'm glad there's a good enough local brand that isn't costly too! I still don't know how to cook though so this is my contribution! 

Omph!

I know this will be a challenge and I put myself willingly to do this. Creative wise, I really want to do it but it's quite a struggle to finish everything on time. Of course it's my fault because concentrating is quite hard!  Anyway, back on it!

Askin Tarifi

Recipe of Love aired its finale on SolarFlix tonight! Proud of the work I've done for this project especially the final episode that I've adapted. I really enjoyed this show Until the next one!

Spine

I have a lot of things to finish in 4 days so good luck but I live for this kind of challenge, keeps me my mind busy. It's a struggle to start to get a head start but once I get the right I'm all in. I could accomplish more if the situation was less complicated than before but I can manage. I will manage. 

But still we need more, so please come to us!

VMAs

 Saw some VMA 2020 performances online and it's nice to see they are doing all out with the productions, lots of visually appealing performances. Alex Warren's production so good, made the songs sound epic same with Tate McRae's. First time to see sombr perform and while I like his songs he is so awkward to watch, does not have stage presence yet. Maybe he should have been preshow. I wish Katseye was main show but the crowd energy at close proximity was great for a song like Gnarly so all good.

Tight

 I've asked for it. And now I have to make it all work. But I will do it. I can do it. Let's go! 

Phrasing

 I had to make sacrifices to help out and pitfalls are unavoidable. I know outsiders will say I should just step out for something better but in my heart I truly don't want to. Sure, there's fear of the unknown but I genuinely want to help. Praying that things will get better soon.

Stock Up

 Something unexpected happened and I grabbed the opportunity! Now more than ever do I need to collect as much as I can so I can keep things afloat and not derail everything. I need to focus on things so nothing will be affected. This is what I wanted after that 2 months of dry spell so rev up!

38

Another year older today! Life gets tougher as I grow older but thank God I'm still surviving. Lord please give me strength as I navigate through life. My birthday prayer is for my family's safety and well-being. Please keep them away from any kind of harm and danger. 

Press

 I was checking Heraldo Filipino's website and to my surprise, na-quote ang sinulat ko from 18 years ago sa isang column! It's bittersweet because it is touching to have a piece you wrote resonate nearly 2 decades later, but a little sad because the sentiment I had then is still felt by today's generation of campus journalists. 

Survive

Things are coming, but there are still many obstacles to make it run smoothly. You understand all sides, but there's really no choice but to compromise because the other option is grim. I hate that we are in this situation yet again. So difficult. 

HeartBuds

 So I finally bought a bluetooth earphone because I saw it was on sale, 50% off and a price point I could afford! I still like the sound of writed earphones better but I acknowledge going wireless is more ideal when I commute and also ideal to use when in bed as well. It's a heart-shaped earbud because it is marketed to women but I don't care it's cheap and works well so far. I hope it will last long!

Unpleasant

I'm tired of dealing with people seeking drama. Loud mouth but when you get into trouble for over stuff that you can just let go, what's gonna happen then? Unnecessary stress! Boredom is not an excuse to seek stress!