Lanterns

 September tomorrow! I'm getting annoyed with the Jose Mari Chan overused jokes already but then again I don't want to be that KJ person so let it be. And I do want to attract good vibes, especially things that still keep me worried and paranoid. I am hoping and praying for some good news soon. 

Swoop

 So yeah, since I got used to being just okay, I got overwhelmed when things poured in. Like I'm sure this is something that's regular to other people but not to me. I worked very hard for this so I deserve this yet I feel nervous as well. Because that is me, I can't just let good things happen without thinking that could something unfortunate happen next? Hopefully, please no. Anyway, very grateful to this now back to working hard again. 

Opening

Very happy I met my goal this week with some time to spare. There is also some good news coming but it's a mixed feeling for me because there will be a little wait for the next one. But of course glad to have it available now. I have to plan it well so I won't misuse it because that's the last thing I need right now. Anyway, hoping for some good news about this something that I really want so bad to happen! I'm seeing some glimmer of hope. Hopefully, it pushes through!

Waves

 I had a weird dream. I was in a dystopia and the world was crumbling, literally to be eaten by the sea. I was wandering until I found my family in a public terminal waiting for a bus ride home like nothing was happening outside. Then the dream ended there. When I woke let a sigh of relief. It gave me some perspective on life. A reminder that despite some of the overwhelming I have there's always more important I need to focus my energy on and appreciate. 

Potato Leaves

 Always. Always finds a way to ruin my day. You could tell it nicely but always chooses to be bossy and antagonistic. You can't fight back because it is a small thing that could escalate. After all, tempers flare up, and people do not care about what other people are going through just because they only care that they feel hassled or have this victim syndrome all the time. I'm so sick of having inconsequential things bother me more than it should. When?!!!

1610

 I planned something today that didn't go exactly as I wanted. The result was a bit fun, but I still have some regrets because I didn't step back when I had to. But it did alleviate some of my concerns so that's a good thing but I could have planned this better but oh well charge to experience yet again!

Seeking Story

Glad to do some new stuff while on a long weekend. Yeah, this is how I chose to spend it. More productive. And as always keeps my mind off things that worry me so much. I also like exploring new worlds, an outsize environment that gives me an escape from it all. Although I prefer a simpler, free of life's many complexities. 

Mirror, Mirror

 I'm fighting the urge not to wish ill things. I know it's just the heat of the moment that makes me think so negatively. Lord, please help me gather strength to overcome everything I am dealing with. It's too much to handle. I'm losing my grip.

Useless

I hope people will eventually realize to be careful with the words they say. Because they are just like a knife that cuts deeply.  It could make a generally sane person go mad sometimes. You just want to stay out of drama but hurtful words will provoke you to be on the negative side as well. I stay quiet most of the time because one thing I've realized as I go on with life is that there are a lot of people who just want to rant or whine, play the victim, and are not open to listening. Why bother?  Nothing will change. But I'm not gonna lie I wish to be free from it all eventually. Some bad thoughts linger and I sometimes say it out loud to myself only because I don't want more drama. And sometimes when I get it out of the system, I go back to a more relaxed perspective. Still in emotional turmoil deep inside but I could keep up the facade. 

AC

 Motivational words don't work for me anymore. It's all surface matter to me now. I live a life of misery, internal misery. I'm okay on the outside, or I try to be as much as I can because life is as hard as it is, and stirring drama will just make things worse. Nothing is gonna change anyway why should I even bother. It's a sad life so I try to find escape whenever I can but then some of those escapes also bring me so much anxiety too. So I select what I get exposed to or spend my time on. On top of all the burdens I have in life, why add unnecessary stress. I'm glad I have this space to shout out all my bottled-up feelings. It's the only thing I have that keeps me in check because it really is so difficult as I deal with so many annoying things. You know annoying is such a light word to describe all the overwhelming and soul-sucking matters I deal with.  I ramble and babble at least I don't make other people shock absorbers because as someone is playing that role, it's so hard. 

30X

 Waking up to unnecessary stress is one of the worst feelings ever. Not even 5AM and you are so stressed out already over stuff that people could have just let go because it's inconsequential but no some just want drama in their lives and feel like things revolve around their world. Suffocating, sometimes you just can't help but think of morbid thoughts because the emotional toll is just hard. But you always choose to rise and stand up even if you just want to literally escape from it all. If only people know what damage they have done because of their self-centeredness under the guise of "caring only". Maybe somehow it is true but then again people's tendency to let it be all about their 'emotional need' is just overpowering everything that love is overshadowed. How can you feel the love, if people make you feel this shattered. I still hope someday I'll be in a place in my life where I'll be okay. I'm good with boring, okay life. I'm no longer a delusional dreamer. I just want to be okay.  

Them

 Feeling a little envious. I know I shouldn't feel this and I did bring this upon myself. Still hoping for something I really want to still happen. I'm losing hope but still trying to keep a glimmer of hope that it's not over. 

No, Not That!

Inner debate to do something for personal enjoyment but will cost me some money or just do what is usual and spend less (and even earn from it although not instantly. I do think there's a window for me to do something for personal recreation but the cost is just giving me a pause. I wish I don't have to think that way all the time these days. 

Testing

I'm exhausted yet again dealing with people making this more complicated than it should be. I try to be chill and calm but negativity around just drags me down. I can't point it out though because it will just add more stress. It's so hard to be in this position really 

Rizz

So learning new slang and vocabs from the younger generation today and it's fun really. I won't use it in everyday life because it won't sound smooth but still love things evolve

Link

 Something came up finally but not exactly what I wanted and hoping for but still better than nothing. And also this will at least keep us connected for quite some time and it's not totally a no-go like what I was fearing. Hopefully, this is a glimmer of hope that will keep us in the running for the thing I'm really hoping for. 

Stories

 Hooray! I've been lamenting about my worries but moments ago some good news came in and one hopefully potential good news. Thank you Lord! Hopefully, there will be more coming in but so glad with these new blessings coming in soon!

On My Toes

 Okay, I'm very worried now.  I feel like time is just slipping by without anything significant coming. I really hope there's something that's coming soon because what is there is not enough for sustainability. How I wish I was still clueless about this stuff because as they say ignorance is bliss. Now that I'm well-aware of everything, I feel so listless because of the current status. Oh dear Lord, please let there be good news soon. 

Demands

 So many things on my plate again. And not the stuff that keeps me alive but things that while needed stress me out. Especially, some are not expressed nicely. Tone matters. I know I'm being sensitive so I do not act out on it and just bottle it up like I always do. Sweeping it under the rug is just easier than confronting it because I knew for sure it will be misconstrued. I have no mental fortitude to deal with those things anymore. 

Dry

 I feel like it is the end of that thing. Ugh. I really loved doing that but all signs are pointing that it is the end of it. So many changes have happened the past few months and key elements are shaky now. I'm sad really. I'm still clinging to hope, I'm just jumping the gun and it's all wrong. Things are on shaky ground at the moment. Hoping for some good news up ahead. Please Lord, let there be good news.

Medals

 We placed 4th in Women's Golf (tied) another close podium finish after Men's Pole Vault! We could have took home 6 medals but can't complain with our 2 golds and 2 bronzes, matching the 4 medal tally we had in Tokyo! As the Paris Olympics end, I had a fun time monitoring it. I'm not a sporty person but I love the olympics!

Runner

I have a little bit of a struggle finishing something I need to do because of many happening in between so I can't focus solely on this! Hopefully, tomorrow works out better!

Ipo

That one thing is done. I have a full plate so far but that one thing is still lacking and I'm really about its status. I love having that one because it's so enjoyable to do and something I can actually brag about! But looks like it's over and what sucks is that we don't really control what's gonna happen because we are not in direct access. I hope I was just wrong and something will come up next week. Please.

Dance in the sky

 I just finished working on something that I feel a little ambivalent about. It is a little easier than what I used to do but still what does this mean in the long run? So that's why I'm very worried especially since I have a feeling that it could be over already with the changes in the past few months. Hopefully, I'm wrong and this is not the end of this one because I love doing this, so please I hope it will continue

Projects!!

 Two of the Netflix projects I've worked on are streaming already! First I did the dubbing script for Saving Bikini Bottom; The Sandy Cheeks Movie! I also translated the songs here, it was so fun to write for a Spongebob project
!

Meanwhile, my first Filipino Audio Description project, the local movie Lolo and The Kid, is also available too! I really enjoyed doing an Audio Description project and I'm hoping for more!

29th Floor

 Work has been suspended for the past 2 days because the building caught on fire. Our floor wasn't really affected but safety precautions and such. And it's been a doozy two days, to be honest. But I'm handling getting caught in the middle of stressful stuff better this week though than in the past. I just want to be less miserable in my life and just appreciate what I can so I can have peace of mind

Yolo

 My country won a second gold medal in gymnastics! After a heartbreaking gold medal match loss in boxing at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics when I was 9, I hoped for at least one bronze for each olympics that came after but the drought was so long until in 2016 with a surprise silver in weightlifting. And now 2 editions of not just having golds but the country finishing with at least 4 medals, it feels so surreal!!!

Sick and Tired

 I have to be the mediator, the spokesperson, that one who needs to diffuse things. I'm so burned out of feeling this way, worried but also feel annoyed when I should not be because these things are not planned or anything but I can't help but always feel this way whenever I face setbacks like this in my life. Oh Lord, please help me be strong because I'm so weak. 

Sundae

I've been struggling hard dealing with mood swings by others. It's hard to defuse tension and unreasonable demands, making things more complicated than it needs to be. Then there are other unnecessary misfortunes adding up to my already full plate of stressors. It's getting hard to be stronger each day but I always try my best to be one even if deep inside I'm so broken.

26

Now something has been announced and I'm nervous that this won't be going our way because before we already knew beforehand but we are now clueless! It does not help that we are not in direct communication with them as we are just on a lower tier level but still very essential. I really hope this won't be escaping from us because I've been looking forward to it but I'm getting nervous

150

 Made a stupid mistake that could have been avoided if I were more conscious. It's just a small mistake in the grand scheme of things but nonetheless, it is so annoying and led me to feel a lot of resentment which I should not have so I'm letting this one go and will take the L on this one.  I'm generally a loser in life anyway!