Pisces

Finally done with one of the toughest projects ever! I could have done better but I was quite messy this month but thank God, everything did good overall. However, I'm still worried about some things and I really hope some good news will come eventually. Please!!

Blemishes

I don't want to admit it for years but I definitely feel some regret not taking care of myself physically. It's a mix of laziness and just lack of will really because I just felt what's the point. But now as I age and see how I look, oh yeah. But it is what it is. I'm getting more walking in public with my baldness, I used to wear caps all the time but the heat just made it so difficult to always wears caps. I'm nearing 40 anyway so yeah just accept that I look way older because of my baldness. My skin has a lot imperfections too, I used to ignored but now seeing some undesirable spots made me feel sad again but again it is what it is. And my teeh, oh year, the horror! I forgot about the fatness too. Oh well.  It's good to finally let these thoughts out. I accept myself for what I am but sometimes insecurity consumes me. But I have other biggers challenges in life to stress myself about these things. 

Tables

 Tired all day, then you have to face an outburst of stupid nature. I'm so tempted to lash out but I know it will lead to nothing, and I will be at the losing end yet again. Always a lose-lose situation for me. I am so tired of it all. It's a neverending cycles of discomfort and loneliness. I hate to admit it to myself but that's where I am. While I had some inkling of how it would be for me when I reached this age, now that it is happening, it sucks so bad. I just repress what I feel because how could I survive the daily struggle if  I just let it dampen my spirit. I still continue to fight, make adjustments to make everyone comfortable, even if it inconveniences. I stepped back from doing major moves because I don't want to shake the stability. The times I tried to sneak in some personal liberty, something happens that draws me back in. I am overwhelmed with complications emoton that I just try to dismiss, pretend I don't feel. But damn  everytime something unnecessary causes me stress I reel back in this state of mind. At least on the inside because my surface level pretends to be calm and collected because I don't want further stressful times, I am tired. I am tried. I've had enough. But I have no choice. I am trapped in a cage that I voluntarily entereed.

Hexagon

Thinking of maximizing another option due to recent hardships! I've been particularly avoiding it because of trauma caused by others. But I do think I've been responsible enough not to fall for the same mistakes I once saw from other people. I better be. 

Relentless

 I keep hoping you will realize that you are going out of line over something so inconsequential. But I gave up hope you will ever realize that because you say are already way too caught up with this delusion that you are careless with what you say. You don't appreciate all the things I have sacrificed everytime this senseless, totally worthless thing does not go your way. I sometimes am tempted to confront you but I know nothing will come out of it because at this point there is no changing this stupidity anymore. So here I go, taking the punches because I gave up and just chose the less stressful option. I will do the adjustment per usual, Nothing will change. I will still be the receive of your nonsense rants and I will stupidly just choose to receive it. Maybe who knows one day I get to be happy. I mean, really happy. I will cling on to that 1% hope. 

Zoom Bats

 Here I go again wishing for something better. These self-defeating thoughts always cross my mind everytime I deal with unnecessary stress. I deserve so much better but this is the kind of life I chose because I care at the end of the day. I don't want to take for granted that in general life is OK and I had so much worse experience but sometimes I just feel so frustrated wishing I had a more ideal life, more comfortable, less worries. But I always keep myself in check and this posting this in the internet void helps me unload so I can be "normal" on the outside. I can't show my full emotion because it would just add complication and I don't want complications anymore. 

Logging

 Just when you are going through a lot of things on your mind here comes unnecessary stress but I have no choice but to deal with this thing as patiently as possible because fighting back / putting them in their place gives me anxiety too so weighing two unpleasant feelings I would just go with the option where it's give me less stressful feeling. It sucks to be me sometimes.... or most of the time these days? Anyway, just burry it and focus energy elsewhere

Tough

 I'm getting worried because nothing has come up yet and I badly need it. It made me think of exploring other worlds you know but I don't know I'm too occupied but everything is catching up. It's making me wonder again if this is all worth it? But I like the convenience as this point of my life especially when other factors come in. But if it's only me, I would have taken the plunge but no longer the case. Oh dear Lord, please hear my prayer.

Hitches

 Another chaotic day and I still have so many pending things to do. There's some stressors popping out too! But I can handle this! I know I can. But dear Lord, please hoping for some good news tomorrow, I'm really struggling now!!!

Gunaydin

 I will try my best next week to be on time again. I don't know I've been giving excuses that this giving adrenaline rush is better but it is not. Always chaotic. Anyway, hoping for a better week ahead too and one of the things I've been hoping for pushes through. 

Hidden

 It's so humid again. Aircon usage is high thus high electrcity bills that gives me headaches. Life is so tough! Drained in so many ways! I can't function well too or the best that I could! So tough!

TeleNovela PH

 My old channel TeleNovela Channel is sort of back! It's now a YouTube Channel (using our old handle) named TeleNovela PH! We are uploading the tagalog dub of Love Spell (Sortilegio) beginning this week! I hope it works!

0521

 So I made judgment call today which I do really believe is for the better. I followed my hunch. I just want to prioritize the present and not worry to much with the future because some don't handle things well! I hope I am right. Please lord

Droplets

It has really been so hectic, my goodness! But of course I like it and I prefer it to be this way of course! Hoping for something to come though because it's been quite awhile waiting for it. I'm patient of course but I really hope it will pour in soon so I can set aside some things!

Panoramic

Another long day ahead, I hope I can finish everything I need to do. Also, one thing I'm putting off will be done this week. I'm nervous as always, but I can't show it for other people's sake. It's hard to be the one to shoulder everything but one good thing about it is that it builds character. I'm definitely not the same as I was 10 years ago, Lord, please guide me.

Ahead

 I try not to think about it but I know deep inside, I'm screwed. I just need to keep things stable as much as I can even if I will be at the losing end. I always have to adjust. I guess it's my fate all along. A payback of some sorts for all the inconvenience I caused decades ago. I have no problem with it in the grand scheme of things but sometimes when you get beaten down for no good reason other than being the easy target, I feel so much resentment. I don't want to feel it but small snide comments I try to brush off still cuts deep. I don't deserve to be treated that way no matter what.  But I really have no choice. Maybe someday I can find some sort of happiness. I wish so. I deserve it too.

Offer

 You did something out of respect and what do you get in return? Nastiness. Misplaced nastiness. You say sorry for nothing bad really because reasoning out is futile. Closed mind. Tired but what else is new. Miserable. Low key misery. Just keep it in. Like always.

Nap

 I took an afternoon nap and had a realistic dream. Yeah, it's my subconscious telling me it's not okay, but I have no choice, right? It's quite a downer but I just have to continue marching on. Lord, give me the strength. 

6K

Okay, I expected this so I didn't have to be surpsied. If they only knew, right? But I'm protecting them and it's a necessity. That's why I was holding off things for this moment. It's just that some things got delayed so I had to resort to do this again. But it's okay, could have been worse. Better than this than the more terrible timeline

Supply

I'm here facing things beyond my control again. It makes me evaluate my choices again. But I know I will still end up in the same place because there is nothing I can do at this point but just be frustrated deep inside and show strength on the outside. But I'm having a hard time. I want something more but still in my comfort zone. I don't know

Filter

I'm tired doing some things but I have to do it for my peace of mind too because some they just don't change and trying to make them realize their flaws is futile. So here I go and I take the plunge. It's irritating most of the time but if I don't do t then there would be unnecessart stress coming and yes, I don't want that!

There

Life's been hectic lately but all good. This is better than be idle. I also appreciate the fact that I don't get to absorb other things anymore unlike the previous one where I understand the need to vent but  I also get affected with negative energy and I can't focus on the things I need to do. But I do care, I just realized I need a safe distance to not get swallowed in. 

Remember?

 One of the busiest I've been and it's still not over! But this one thing I'm doing right now reminds me of the pandemic days and the eerie feeling it once had. It's been six years. Time flies but I'm not nostalgic for that moment. The uncertainty was nerve-wracking

Festi

 I love that this area of Festival Mall Alabang has been practically the same for over 20 years! It's still well-maintained pa rin naman the last I time I'vr been here. Riding the train here was such an exciting moment for 10-year old me back then!

via  South Metro Manila FB

Twist of Fate on YouTube!

 The first two episodes of Solarflixph Pinoy Dub of the Turkish romcom series Twist of Fate are out on YouTube now! I've worked on the dubbing scripts for both episodes. One of the hardest projects I've worked on, but also very enjoyable!

Expires

 My Disney+ annual subscription ends today! I bought one last year when they had a big sale where an annual subscription just cost under 500 pesos! I cancelled immediately so my online debit card will not get auto renewed! I'm always conscious with those things! Anyway, I will subscribe again once they do a promo again lol or just for one month when I actually have spare time to watch! 

Tights

 Jampacked days ahead and I must not waste! I could do all of this if I don't have other duties to do so it's gonna be another challenge for me ahead! But I could do this! I wanted this! I want the blessings to pour in! Because things are not really okay or on shaky grounds! It sucks but such is life!

55

 Always making me feel annoyed. I have a lot in my mind then add unnecessary stress. The cycle goes on. I know I'm being taken advantage but I just accepted it because I don't want drama but i don't know, the annoying powers won't stop.

Waiting Time

 Things are loading up again and it's fine because this at least provides some security. I really hope the things got delayed will finally see the light this week? Crossing my fingers hard!

Drizzle

 Right on the mark of June 1st, the rain came! It didn't alleviate the humidity that much though! But at least it's a little less insane compared to the past couple of weeks. But honestly, I couldn't function better when it's raining compared to the intense summer heat. Commuting is harder too! But oh well, that's how life is!