Torn

 I'm in this state of accepting the inevitable but still feeling frustrated about how it is going on. I keep talking to myself in between acceptance and still clinging to hope. I hate myself for thinking maybe I'm being a bad person for thinking the worst while the others are seeing hope it could turn things around. Am I just being realistic or just being a nasty person for thinking the worst already? I feel like shutting down really. But I can't give up, even if there are times I really want to, but no I can't. There must be something that could pivot what's happening now. Maybe. Oh please Lord there should be.

Bended Knee

 Another close call today and I'm emotionally exhausted. But still thankful for the miracle. I hope please Lord let this blessing continue and hear our prayer. I'm still scared but glad it still didn't happen despite already preparing myself for the worst. But how many times will we have this scenario? Please Lord, hear our prayer

Vulnerable

 We almost lost today. I was quite convinced that this was it. But thankfully by some miracle, it wasn't. Still, the danger is there. I will still be scared each day but yes for now I'm thankful to God that this wasn't the day. And I hope it won't come soon enough. Please no. 

Struggling Never Stops

 Another panic-inducing episode earlier this morning. I was ready to let go, to be honest. Because I was just so afraid that I felt I just need to face the music now. Of course, it's not over yet. Thank God. But the struggle will continue for sure. Lord give me strength. 

Lindol

So yeah experienced the earthquake earlier while I was at the office. Being on the 20th floor did worry me a little since the shaking was longer than I usually feel but thankfully I managed to stay calm and went to work after things got settled but the big boss sent us home before lunch just to be safe. To be honest, most of us were hesitant to leave work because of the many stuff we need to do but, of course, we appreciate the concern of the boss. We just have to maximize tomorrow for all those things that got delayed.  Watching the news now and there's severe damage up north and my heart goes to them. 

Moving

Two people I know moved overseas recently. I didn't ask but I felt last May was the tipping point. I get it. And to be honest, a little envious. It was never my dream to be away from this country, from my family. I'm your type of person who loves his comfort zone. But recent events just made me feel so trapped. I hate to feel this way but it's the truth.  I hate to be all-gloom-and-doom so I'm just avoiding thinking it through. There's nothing I can do anyway.

I Ain't Worried

 So I was listening to this song on repeat on my way to work and back home. Yes, just one song during those two hours. It's such a fun song to listen to really. I love the whistle part. And maybe subconsciously I want that kind of vibe in my life

Way too busy for them problems  and problems to feel, yeah, yeah

No stressing, just obsessing with sealing the deal

I'll take it in and let it go

But I ain't worried about it right now 

For Once

 I've been dealing with things, trying to be brave but I'm really scared of everything. A while ago I said no because I feel like some are only taking the first steps but the one they are pushing to face the more stressful stuff is me. Always me. Can you take this one for once? I've been living with so much mental and emotional torture now. What about trying to help to carry the burden for once? I didn't even want this to happen but I acknowledge that I'm letting fear and it's not the best use of judgment.  I'm so confused and scared really. Everything is just so fragile. 

Looking back

 It's been a year since our lives have changed forever but still thankful that we survived that ordeal. It is still far from over and I'm constantly nervous but I'm thankful each day. I really hope there will be no more nightmares, I can deal with challenges of course but I really hope and pray things will get better and some of my worries will not happen. Please God

Alice

 Thrilled to see one of the series we dubbed finally out on Netflix! The Filipino-dubbed ALICE IN BORDERLAND is now available on the platform! I didn't write a dubbing script for this one but just edited the dubbing scripts and did a quality check after it was dubbed.  

Standing

 Some new projects are coming up and this is good for me so I can focus my mind on them rather than trapping myself in endless dread. I need to calm myself down internally because outside I look so okay. I don't want to let them feel what I truly feel because it would just add a problem to an already stressful situation. The things that are bothering me are beyond what I can handle but I have no choice but deal with matters at hand the best way I can. God help me please.

Advance

 I'm having a hard time focusing because of recent events in my life,. It's so difficult to act normal when you feel so devastated inside. My mind is jumping to the worst-case scenario even if I try to contain my emotions. I have to be tough I keep telling myself but it's just so hard. I knew I can't really be happy. 

No Escape

 Yeah, the reality is hitting me again.  There's no escaping from it. I have to be brave but I am so afraid of what is coming. But it is what it is. I just have to be as calm as possible and not have a breakdown because there's no room for that, But Lord please, can this fear of mine just stay as paranoia and not come to fruition? Please.

Maverick

 I went random today and watched Top Gun: Maverick in a theater. The box office success made me curious. It was alright. I mean, the air fighter sequences were amazing but I just didn't connect with it that much. There was just me and a couple in the cinema though and maybe my moviegoing experience would have been better if I saw it with a giving crowd. Oh well!

Early Panic

 I was woken very early today because of a family health situation that really worried us so much. Thankfully, it wasn't what I was thinking because my mind could go to such lengths. I hope and pray that this won't happen again. What I realized though is that I should never really be complacent. Never.

Boo!

 I'm currently working on a dubbing script for an upcoming family Halloween streaming movie! Since it is for kids, it's quite light to write (so far!) and it's a nice breather because I've been writing dubbing scripts for melodramas and a very wordy thriller series for the past few weeks! Also since this is a yet-to-be-released movie, it's just exciting to be one of the first to see it! That's why I really enjoy doing this kind of work! It takes a lot of my time but it's worth it!

Beached Whale

 The Netflix Original movie PERSUASION is now out! And we did the Filipino dubbing for it! It's my first project for a new Netflix title since the others were already out on the platform. I have another upcoming Netflix movie that I translated myself that was dubbed this week and it was a dubbing script I really worked hard on so excited when it finally comes out sometime this year. Anyway. back to Persuasion. I say my main contribution to this is translating "Frederick Wentworth rescues a beached whale as onlookers weep"  to "Bumaha ng luha sa pagligtas ni Frederick Wentworth sa balyenang napadpad sa aplaya". It took me a long time to figure out how to translate it properly and capture the essence! 

Self

Planning to do something to take my mind off things that make me so anxious. I hope it works even for just temporary relief.  I need it badly, to be honest. I know it won't solve anything in the long run but hoping for at least a few moments I can have an escape from things that are imprisoning me. If it works out maybe I can do this as a regular escape from reality. I'm not totally hiding because I know it's not the way to go, I just want to cool off and recharge so I can face life's challenges with a better mindset and not just resort to endless despair. I hope it works!

Cyclical

I wish I can stop myself from being bothered by things that I really have no control over. Right now, all I can do is just wait until everything cools off but I wish it was sooner so I can go on my usual route. But here's the thing, I have to be patient and let things happen at their natural course but it really is proving to be a big challenge to me each time it happens. Yes, it's a recurrent thing but my reaction when it happens is basically the same. 

Can

 A friend and I had a chat earlier about money can truly buy happiness! Yes, I agree so much! While I get it in a metaphorical sense but practically speaking money can really make you happy! I think some who say otherwise were born with a silver spoon so they don't get the struggle! I know I'm a little judgmental with what I typed earlier but it is kind of annoying when some people are totally clueless about the working class struggles!

Again and again

 Another night where my patience is being tested. Facing people's mood swings and irrational impulses. I'm so frustrated but doing my best to handle everything as calmly as possible. Trying my best not to panic and take it out on them. I gotta be patient and just allow things to blow off. But man the things running through my head right now. I feel like I'm going nuts. I bought something more than my allotted budget for it and now I feel like I'm being tested. I can't have nice things it seems.

Clearing

 The new mayor in our town ended a two-decade family dynasty here. Expectations are quite high but early on he is making his mark by doing the most obvious and easily felt change which is road clearing in the main area of our barangay. It is so strict! To be honest, I don't know what to feel. I like the idea of discipline but I'm a bit wary if this is all surface-level changes. But then again too early to judge. I will remain hopeful for now. 

Brand New

 So I finally gave in and bought myself a new laptop! It's so good but most importantly it comes in with a licensed lifetime Microsoft Office! Yeah, that was my problem with the secondhand laptop I bought! I didn't realize that the MS Office it had was not genuine so yeah it was expiring in a few weeks and since I have no product code or something it will be basically useless!  The laptop I bought is quite above the budget I intended for it because it comes in with the licensed MS Office but I just said to myself well it's time for me to not be stingy anymore and just dive in because having a working laptop is an essential need right now for my work! And you know what I have no regrets, I will work hard to get the money I spent here back into my savings but it really feels good to finally have a good laptop to use! I've been dealing with crappy laptops for the last 4 years because I wanted to save money! It was a terrible move really looking back. It's quite a miracle that I was able to make things work and still did my job during the pandemic era! But now with a really good laptop, I can be more productive than ever. For example, just a while ago I was able to make good progress with a dubbing script that I will be able to finish it by tomorrow, a few days before the deadline! 

Accident

 So the building where I work is in the news because of a tragic elevator accident where two maintenance people passed away. It's not the elevator that we use, it's on the other side, but still quite scary to think. When I went down, the people inside the elevator were making nervous jokes. In an odd way, it relaxes you somehow. On my way back to the building, the guard stopped me because he thought I was a reporter! Yes, I have a broadcast journalism degree but nope not a reporter! When I got home I saw it being reported live on TV and I now fully understood what went happened. It's really sad. Rest in peace to the two men who lost their lives today.

Queue

Another balancing act for me this weekend as I need to finish two dubbing scripts while also assisting a new freelance writer who is training to be a dubbing script writer at home. I made a point to finish all my channel coordinator tasks today so I can focus on my writing tasks! I hope I can finish one script or at least be close to finishing tomorrow

Browsing

 Checking out laptops again. While this secondhand laptop I bought last year has been quite useful to me for work duties, I admit that it has a lot of limitations that will soon be a challenge on its functionalities . Now I'm thinking if it's time for me to buy a brand new one now.  I have savings but to be honest I'm quite hesitant to use it because I worry I might need it for some emergency. Here I go again. I wish this wasn't such a hard choice to make.

Hats

Just finished another long day of work of doing multiple things: QC, scripting, and scheduling but of course, this is something I really feel fulfilled to be doing! I love to be this busy by doing things I truly like and in my element. Of course, I didn't give my all and still gave myself some space to breathe because I think one can function properly if there's enough rest to give yourself a reboot of some sorts! Anyway, off to sleep!

Not Quite

 So I tried a new route on my commute back home and well it was a failed experiment as it took longer it should! But well I guess it's good to try than just wonder! I still have another possible route to try, maybe tomorrow or the next day. I'm just want alternatives for just in case situations. Sometimes I feel we're back to normal but it still isn't really. The cases are rising again though but unlike before I don't feel that anxious anymore especially hospitalizations are low. It's part of life now and I do hope one day we won't need to count them anymore

Gut

 My worst fear didn't happen thank God but still to be cautious. I will always be alert and frankly scared but for now I can breathe after stressing myself the past few days. With a clear head I can plan better for what could be next. I need to make the right choice while thinking a lot of factors in. But admittedly my fear is probably clouding my judgment. So please Dear Lord help me, guide me. 

Please, Please, Please

My head is a mess right now while on the outside I looked perfectly normal. This is just driving me so anxious that I'm torn whether I want this to get over with or I want to remain it a mystery, ignorance is bliss as they say. I know that this is essential and I just have to face it. I have to be strong if my my fear actually happens because I can't afford not to do so. Oh Dear Lord, I'm so scared. Please hear my prayer. 

W.O.W

 My weekend of worry begins. Trying my best to relax although I feel like I'm seeing signs that it will lead to what I fear most. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it. Seeing something when there is none. I'm just terribly afraid that when I had moments of happiness earlier I reminded myself quickly that I couldn't do it yet. There's still something pending freaking me out inside. Oh Dear Lord please hear my prayer